Episode 106 - Valerie Woodfill On How Al-Anon And A Weight Loss Camp Follow The Do The Thing Formula

I do really believe 100% from every part of me that everyone has the capacity to be able to do the things that they want and not to be held back by the mental baggage that's in our head that we want to push through.

Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. In each episode, we get down and personal with people who go after the things they want to make all their wildest dreams come true. Join us as we unveil and dissect a formula for what it takes to do the thing. Here is your host, Stacy Lauren.

Hey, everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacy Lauren. So it's so amazing when you get connected to someone through a mutual friend that you admire so much, and that person introduces you to someone that is literally the perfect person for you to meet at the perfect time. And our next guest is definitely in that situation. And the more we've gotten to know each other, the more I've really been seeing just how powerful meeting someone just out of the blue at a really hard time can be for you and your life and how the universe really does send people your way when you need them. And that's what our next guest was. And so I'm so excited to be able to bring her on and have her talk about her experiences and also how she's used the do the Thing formula unknowingly. Because as you guys know, I've been talking about this on the podcast. The do the Thing formula is just something that's been embedded naturally into different programs, and people have used it. Just no one's really talking about it. It's just patterns that I was able to recognize through all the interviews. And so she's been basically using it throughout her life. And I would love to be able to have her come on and share with you guys really more about how she's been able to get through different things. And I am so excited to welcome Val to the show. Hey, Val.

Hi. Thanks for having me, Stacey.

Yeah, I'm so excited to just be able to talk to you about this and really about everything that you've been kind of experiencing, especially the last several years, and how we can really be able to help people, provide resources and help for as they go through hard times.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, thanks. I appreciate connecting with you as well. And just our exchanges have really amplified what I've already done in my life, but also what I'm striving to continue to do. So I appreciate what you're doing and what you're putting out there with this podcast with your formula and just the paying it forward is so important. So thank you, thank you for what you do.

Well, I'd love you to start off and just share about you and your background for the listeners.

I'm a single mother of two teenage girls. I was divorced 10 years ago and that actually a few years before my divorce is when I really got on the path of self discovery and self help. My ex husband was an active alcoholic for our entire marriage. Just as alcoholism is a progressive disease, so it just got worse and worse. And then after the birth of our second daughter, his drinking just really took off. And so I joined Al Anon. And Al anon is a 12 step program for friends and family of alcoholics. And so reluctantly went into Al Anon thinking that maybe these people who also dealt with alcoholism would give me all the answers. Didn't understand why everybody was so jolly and happy and laughing because I was just so broken and so lost. But in those rooms I learned that really I had my own disease, I had my own codependency, my own management issues, mothering, my adult partner issues. And I learned a lot about myself. And in that process, I've learned how to adapt al animal principles to the rest of my life because now I'm not living without active alcoholism. But those same principles really, really helped me to approach most all situations in my life. And it's just led to so much serenity in life and the sense of just having some support underneath me that I kind of, even when I get a little lost, I know that I have the tools. I know that I have people that I can go to who can remind me of slogans, tools, the rhetoric that I so crave when I feel lost in life.

It's so important to be able to have something that you can go to when you're struggling and then to have that support network and see people that have especially gone through the same thing as you and have come out of it. I mean, there's something so powerful in that.

That's exactly it. And we do talk a lot about getting, you know, you have to walk through the fire and get out the other side. There's no, you know, dodging it. There's no, you know, trying to, you know, eat my way, you know, like to, you know, fulfillment or shop or, you know, gamble or anything else to make me feel better. I just have to walk through the fire, feel the feelings and come out the other side that much wiser, more spiritual, more grounded, more confident in who I am, to be able to take on the next fire. So it's a lot like your formula, you know, I mean, 12 step really is. Has a lot of the same, you know, similar principles as your formula, you know, in the sense of how to approach something that is daunting and do it with confidence, do it with a. An intention, do it with other people supporting you, you know, for accountability. All of those things, you know, show up in 12 step.

You had mentioned that you had basically through Al Anon, gotten the principles that then you were able to adapt to your life. I was wondering kind of what. Can you talk more about that?

Yeah. So, you know, in 12 step, you know, it really is about kind of surrendering to, you know, a power greater than yourself. And so it is a spiritual program. It does. It's not dogmatic at all. It doesn't, you know, preach any kind God or even a higher power, whatever it is for you. Some people come in and the only higher power they could ever trust in is just the group itself, but it's outside of the self because we realize that, you know, we on our own have been powerless to manage our own lives with whatever that is, you know, for alcoholics, just because of alcohol. For Al Anons, it's because of kind of trying to manage an unmanageable situation and becoming crazy while doing it. And. And so we also have our own insanity going on. One of the principles of all 12 step is over and over hoping for different results, but yet you're doing the same, the same thing, and nothing is changing. Another slogan is, you know, when nothing changes, nothing changes. So it's like we have to change ourselves in order to get the change we need in. In our lives.

Being able to recognize when something's not changing and then really being able to change it, because I think that happens so much where people will stay still stuck in that cycle and they're not able to break it, and they just keep doing the same thing over and over again.

That's right. Yeah. And, and. And kind of banging our head against the wall going like, why isn't anything changing when I'm trying harder and harder? It's like the more you try, the more you. You apply yourself in your own will. A lot of times we just feel more and more broken and more and more exhausted because our own will is not working. So one of the first steps is to just admit, you know, surrender to admit powerlessness over the situation. And then, and a lot of, you know, with that comes a lot of pause and pausing for me was so hard we talk about, you know, sitting on our hands, being idle. For Al Anon, it's very, very difficult because we're, we tend to be very action oriented people. We want, you know, when a problem arises, let me solve it, let me get me get busy, let me get on the phone, texting, finding resources. And that has helped me in my life. I am a very resourceful person. But sometimes it's my own insanity. I can start chasing my own tail. So a lot of times it's just to get still and to hand over our will to a greater, a power greater than ourselves. And whether that's through prayer, meditation, stillness, waiting for our gut instinct to kick in, unknowing that can come signs from the universe per se. It's whatever verbiage you want to use. But the getting still can bring some clarity and some answers. And that was hard. That was very hard for me to learn. But now I definitely do that in my daily routine. And then another part of it is to just get very real and looking at the self. What have I done to create the chaos in my life? Where am I standing in my own light? Where am I? Where are my shadows or my blind spots? And so to do a more moral inventory and really get very clear and very honest about what, what are my character defects instead of always focusing on the alcoholic or the other, whatever other that is. A lot of it doesn't have to just be Al Anon. You know, I think a lot of people can get stuck on just looking for blame. Who's creating this chaos for me? If they would just move over on the highway, get out of my way, people wouldn't do ABC or D, then I would be a happier, more content person. Well, where is that, where is that attitude leading me? So getting very clear on one of my what do I have control over? I don't have any control over others. So what can I control? Well, that's me and my own attitude. That's me. And what are my responses to what people do to me? So that was huge. Also meeting with somebody who has more of the program under their belt and confiding in them these things that I'm discovering myself. So I had a sponsor and she was even younger than me. She's 10 years my junior. But she had more time in the program. So she was so wise and so helpful and so gentle with me and helped me to see my own blind spots and help me and listen to me and help me to go through the step work with her. And I learned so much about Myself. And I learned how to be gentle with myself because she was. And so she emulated a kind of friendship that was so special and so different than any I had ever experienced before. And that led to me going through all the steps and then becoming a sponsor myself. And that's part of the process too, is then like you're doing with this podcast, when you learn something to pass it on and give it to others. And that's a big part of the program is to be of service. So like you and your steps at the end, the educational part is to pass it on. Like Maya Angelou said, when you learn something, pass it on. So it's, it's a beautiful program. Yeah.

And the beautiful part about that being able to pass it on is you're helping the other person. But then it's also, you're diving deeper into the learning too, because by you teaching it to someone else and you being able to educate others, you're learning it even more. And then also you're holding yourself even more accountable because now you're. People are counting on you.

Yeah. And it, and it's a reminder. I mean, these are not. I still have my, my knee jerk reaction to life still can be my old ways first thought can still be those really stuck ways of thinking that I learned growing up. Because what I've also learned is that a lot of my reactions to life that were no longer working for serving me or working for me were just old ways of, of protecting myself and coping with life when I was a child. But we just gently admit that. Okay, well, that doesn't work for me as an adult. So I need to, I need to replace that thought with a second thought or sometimes pause and wait for that second or third option to come up. So to be of service also is great reminders of the principles that I've learned because my knee jerk reaction to things can still be my old childlike ways of behaving in the world. And so to be of service is really great practice. It's kind of like anything when you learn a sport or you're learning a new skill. You might have the muscle memory, but you still have to practice. You still have to maintain it for it to be sharp. So being of service is really that too. Yeah, I think it's definitely reciprocal. There's not just, oh, I learned something, so now I'm going to give up myself and give it away and give it away. It's like, no, this builds my muscle too.

I love that idea of, by you educating others, you're then able to practice that muscle even more and continue it. I think that's, that's really good.

Yeah. Even just going to the meetings or reading literature for me is always those great reminders of like, oh, that's right. Yes. I haven't read that or heard that in, in a few years. I'm really glad I, like you said at the beginning of this, you know, in the introduction that it's. The universe will send things to you at just the right moment. I'll open up to a daily reader of mine and Al Anon and I'll just be like, wow, that's exactly what I needed to read today. So it's, it's beautiful. It really, it's very synchronous with my life, too. A lot of the, the things that, that ebb and flow into my life with, with Al Anon, with people, like you said. So it's just, it's beautiful when you come in contact with people who also can speak the language of finding serenity in your life. I think, I think that's kind of the ultimate goal. Yeah.

And I think you hit it on the head with the walking through the fire and feeling the feelings and getting out of the fire. And that's part of what I'm really trying to do in this podcast is when people are doing the thing, I want to make sure they're not doing the thing out of like a numbing, because that's possible, too. I've done that before. And really being able to do the thing, but then doing out of your own alignment after you've walked through that fire, feeling the feelings and then move through it. I love the way you worded that. And, and also when you mentioned pausing because that's when you get to see those messages, really. Right. Is when you're able to take that moment and be able to have stillness. And that's where the serenity happens. I was just wondering if you have a favorite kind of mechanism for that. You mentioned prayer, meditation, gut instincts. What's your favorite way to kind of stay centered in that way?

Actually, a big part of it for me was identifying my body. My body sends me messages all the time. So whenever I'm in a. In an agitated mode, some people talk about fight, flight, freeze, or fix. I love that people have now added fix to it. There's not just flight freeze, there's also a fix. And people can get into fix mode really quickly when they're in that agitated or elevated mode. Means of being. And so for me, when I, when My body tends to, you know, I have heart palpitations, I get shaky. I am not clear headed. I know that my thinking is kind of scrambled, sped up. I know then to calm myself down, I need to remove myself from a situation. My family knows this. I need at least 10 minutes. So you know, my daughters are very good about. Oh well, mom said she needs to go in a room for 10 minutes. We do not knock on that door. We do not get involved in that because at least 10 minutes it needs for my body to come back down from that elevated state. And, and then that's when I can, I get still. I. Like I talked about earlier, I sit on my hands and I, I force myself to do nothing because usually if I do something in that state I'm.

I'm going to regret it.

And I usually go towards. Yeah, a book, a daily reader or a book. It doesn't even have to be Al Anon. I have a, I have like 12 books sitting on, you know, next to my bed that are all different authors, self help gurus that I've been introduced to through the years. I might just pick up something and just turn to a page just to see what am I going to read. I might call a friend either whether it be an Al Anon friend or somebody else that has been in my life that can talk the talk with me of you know, getting clear and seeing my part and you know, and maybe even some mantras or some reminders of things that like I'm going to be okay. Just to hear someone remind you you're going to be okay. This in, this too shall pass is huge in moments like that.

So there's all, you know, there's different things. It could be literature, it can be a friend, it could be a guided meditation. I love Insight Timer because it's free and you know, I just have those tools in my toolbox. Thank God that I can go to in times like that instead of acting out. And in the past when I didn't have those tools, I would tend to do that knee jerk reaction, that first thing that comes to mind. And then later on I had to, you know, apologize, make amends, clean up my mess. So it's. I'm very grateful that I don't have to live like that anymore.

Yeah, it's amazing when you are able to recognize when it's happening. You know, it's almost like you're noticing and naming it.

Yeah, I think tuning into the body is huge. I think, I think our. We don't give enough credence in this society to our body talks to us on a regular basis. You know, I mean, I've learned that my gut is my second mind. And sometimes I actually think it's my first because my head will process things. My actual brain, my rational, logical brain will rationalize things in a totally different way than what my body is telling me to do. And I might even step forward into that rational way of thinking and my body is still screaming at me. You're still shaky, your stomach's still turning in a knots. This might not be right. Maybe you need to do something different. So it's fascinating to listen to the body as well as the mind.

And do you know how does Al Anon handle the why part of it? Why you want to be able to be there and get help? Is there something specific they do to help you get through that?

I think the beautiful thing about Al Anon is that there's no dictating to anybody what is their why, what is their path, their timeline. It literally is people showing up and just sharing their experience. Strength and hope. That's what we call it now. Anon. So your experience is shared through your shares. So you're sitting in a circle of people or maybe in a room of, you know, like, you know, chairs lined up like a classroom, all, all different Al Anon, you know, and 12 step rooms look different, but you're sitting with other people. And everybody has their time to share their experience. So you're just listening. So it's like, it's this beautiful exchange of people just listening, non interrupting. There's no crosstalk. Everybody shares their experience. Nobody says anything up. Nobody quantifies or qualifies that experience. They just listen and say, thanks for your share. And then after the meeting is where you can approach those people that you're like, oh my gosh, that what you said totally resonated for me. But in that exchange is just. You hear some things that might be like, oh, that's what, you know what I mean? That's what I needed to hear. And we also say, you know, take what you like and leave the rest because not everyone's experience is going to resonate for you. And some people might even talk in kind of more of a dogmatic way or very strict and orderly fashion, and that's how they do their program. But that might not resonate for you. And everybody's just different and everybody's whys are different and some people don't even. I didn't experience my why for probably the first year I was in Al Anon because I was so entrenched in my marriage and in the dynamics that had been created in the 10 years we were together that it took a lot of shedding of that way of thinking and I had to take off layer by layer of my defenses slowly. And then I could see oh my why is about me. It's not about him. It wasn't about saving the marriage anymore. It was some about wanting to be a good role to my children. But it really, it. The more and more that I stayed and I listened and I did my step work and I shed my defenses, the more I realized oh my why is about me and about my life and about my sanity and about living a life of serenity and gratitude and strength and hope instead of this, you know, very bleak, you know, you know, very selfish and self centered but in a different way selfish and self centered in a poor me I, you know, self pity and needing people to validate me. But then that totally shifted and it was more about oh, I could live a life without those things if I just keep practicing these, these tools and listening to people who have come before me and have similar experiences but maybe apply the principles in a different way. So it's. It was beautiful. It was very, very grateful for when I was given through that program and.

Then did they help you kind of work through that when you kind of realize what your why was by being a role model and then being able to like to your girls and then be able to kind of realize that a lot of it was coming from you no longer being able to like take it internally. Is that something they helped you work through or was that something that just came over time?

It came over time. But I mean going. Being in the program all those years really helped me to do the steps that were necessary for me to get to the life that I have now. I did go through a divorce and it wasn't an easy divorce. It was very messy. But I had my Al Anon program. I had my sponsor there in court with me when I had, when I was going to court for custody. I had my meetings to go to on the nights that my girls were with their dad and I. That's what I craved that time because it was so hard and it was so heart wrenching during those years. But I got through that fire and I got through it with that support and with all those tools. And then after I realized I could still apply all those principles to other people in other situations in my life even though I didn't have the active Alcoholic in my life. I mean he was still there on the peripheral, but it wasn't in my home. So I also handled a lot of the co parenting through Al Anon principles. And so it just continued to be in my life. And even now that I'm not as active in Al Anon, I've. I'm more active in a lot of other kind of self discovery and with other teachers in my life through like books or webcasts or podcasts. I still rely heavily on those Al Anon principles that I learned. And I see threads of Al Anon in all these other teachings that I learned from other teachers, whether spiritual, self help, psycho analytical, you know, help, all of that. I see threads of the same teachings, which is pretty great.

Do you think Al Anon's good for people that are codependent also, but maybe don't have alcoholism piece?

Yeah. So Coda is the other, the other program, the 12 step program for co dependence, specifically for codependence. And Al Anon is for the friends and family of alcoholics. And although people in Al Anon definitely resonate, I think with codependency issues and many, many people I've met in Al Anon have read Melody Beatty's Codependent no More because we. That resonates for us. It's not it. Al Anon doesn't specifically talk about the ism per se of codependency because there are other isms that can come up for friends and families of alcoholics.

So is the 12 steps then like when you're looking at all these programs like AA and Coda and actually probably even like Overeaters Anonymous, like all of the ones that you're aware of at least. Are the 12 steps the same?

Pretty much.

And then it's the group that's different because you're doing those experience shares. So that's where you're really getting the power and the magic is because you're with people that are going through something so similar as you. But the actual steps are similar.

Exactly. Yeah. So the 12 steps don't change. The only word that will change within the 12 steps is in the first step. It's came to believe that we were powerless over blank. So whatever that thing was that we were powerless over. So for, for AA members and Alano members, we both say alcohol in that blank because that is the thing that we became powerless over. But for Overeaters Anonymous it would be food. For Gamblers Anonymous it would be gambling. But that is the only word that changes in the 12 steps. Otherwise, it remains the same for all programs, at least to my understanding.

Yeah. So the magic is really in the people and the experiences because it's. They're going through the same exact. Not exact, but same. Same thing.

Yeah, yeah. That you find. You find comfort in the commonalities. But not only in the commonalities, because I know that, you know, some people, that old saying, you know, misery loves company, that can. That can turn into a negativity thing too, but it's the finding commonality with people who are approaching it in a different way, want to learn a new mindset, want to identify their whys, want to have goals and be held accountable, and then to gather the tools and then pass it on. So it's with that intention. Instead of misery loves company, 12 step is more about finding your people to help elevate you into a new mindset, into a new finding your why, into accountability and setting goals, and then passing on that education that you've learned.

I think that's really powerful because it is easy to get into that trauma bonding state. And I think you're right. That's the difference is you're with the people that have the attention to grow and evolve and really kind of move, move forward versus just getting stuck in the story, Right?

Exactly. Exactly. And a lot of the verbiage is important to hear. I mean, Al Anon has a lot of slogans, and I think some people, when they first start any 12 step, like, they think it's kind of corny, really One day at a time. Okay. They think it's all bumper sticker talk, but really those slogans end up making so much sense and become so profound in your life as you really apply those principles. Also, just things. One day at a time or this too shall pass sometimes has been my mantra for a day just to get me through a hard something that's been difficult. So. And I pass that on. I'm a teacher and I tell my high school students sometimes these mantras, and they've come back and told me, Ms. Whitfield, you have told me, taught me this, this too shall pass. Do you know, I say that all the time. And it's really helped me through some dark times. And it' just, it's nice. It's nice to pass on those slogans that can help other people too.

When, especially when people can see the result from something that they can say to themselves and then come out of it. I think that's really powerful.

Definitely, definitely. And the thing that I've learned the most is that Anything that I learn, any tools that I learn or any formula or like doing step work, it's not an end all. It's not like the rest of my life is going to be all bliss. Right? It's more of it creates in me a foundation and a confidence of how to approach life that I, that I'm not just thrown out into the world without tools and like. And I'm just this reactive being just trying to deal with what comes my way and I'm just being like thrown about in the storm. It's, it really is a grounding and more of this. I have something, I have some, some tools to not arm myself with. I don't think that we're going to war, but we're. But I can, I can feel confident that I can take on what comes my way because it's, I've applied it already to some hardships and it seems it's worked and it's helped me through those fires that I could get through other fires that happen in life and that's just made all the difference. And so my sponsor gave me a coin once that said serenity is not, it's not avoiding the storm. Serenity is, is shelter while in the storm. But it's not. Yeah, it's not that there's this promise that you're gonna dodge life on hardships and kind of rubbing up against people in a negative way. It's, it's just, it's, it's, it's giving you a type of shelter while those storms happen.

Can we talk about how you're able to approach goals in Al Anon? How does that work?

Well, I mean the goals that have been the most daunting for me in Al Anon were the. In the steps it is to do. Searching and fearless moral inventory of the self. I mean if that's not daunting, I don't know what else. But I mean it's literally delving deep in to what is it about me that no is no longer working in my life. Like what behaviors, what attitudes, what thought patterns are no longer serving me and being really honest about it and getting very raw and sharing then sharing that with another person. And so that's, you know, usually a sponsor, you know, in any kind of 12 step program. So that goal is pretty, it's lofty, but it's changed my life is to get. It sheds all the shame of carrying around all those past things that I've done when I haven't kept my side of the street clean. And you know, maybe Even for years, you know, and treated people in a way that wasn't very honorable. And then being real about it and coming clean with it and saying, yeah, I've done this, I've behaved this way, I've said this thing. And then going out into the world and trying to make amends either to those people directly in some way or just doing what we call living amends, which is just living your life differently and showing people that you're a different person and that that's huge, right? To actually be able to walk through life with your head held high, that you have cleaned up your messes, you realize you're just human, you've made mistakes, but you've tried to make amends for those mistakes and you're trying to on a day by day basis, clean up any wrongs that you do. And so you don't have to walk with any shame and you don't have to walk with any secrets. That's another 12 step slogan is you're only as sick as your secrets. So that's the shedding is really big, you know, and then you kind of feel anew, you feel, you feel like a new person, that you don't have to be walking around with all that old baggage. You can move forward instead of trying to hide or cloak the past.

And then how do they work in terms of the. Well, it's got to be different than aa. So in aa, I know they have like the number of days clean, like no alcohol, right. And then they're, they're able to have certain coins they get for that. Are they doing something that an Al Anon to.

It's interesting. I actually dated somebody that is an Al in AA for a period of time and he would get so agitated that you, you know, you Al Anons can't claim sobriety. It's not like you're going through life and never doing the Al Anon isms, which a lot of the what we say Al Anons tend to do, which is instead of picking up a drink and drinking is that we call them the four M's. Mothering, managing, martyring and manipulating. And it's. How can an Al Anon say I don't do any of those four things ever. And so this year I can take a chip, right? But we do, we do celebrate. If you've been in the program a year, some Al Anon's, not everybody. But I would take a chip and my sponsor would give me a chip and say we would celebrate and sometimes have a little cake or something. At that meeting. So Al Anons do behave somewhat aas, but I don't. It's. It's hard because it's not, it's not as concrete as oh, we didn't pick up a drink with aa. Their sobriety is very cut, cut and dry. Al Anon's. It's a little bit more of shade of gray. Right. It's like, well, we're trying, we're being part of the program. We're trying not to do those four M's on a daily basis and therefore we're celebrating our milestones. So yeah. And we do do it. It's just I don't think it's not as, it's not as thorough as A's. I don't think so.

When you mentioned milestones. So how I'm trying to figure out in terms of goal setting, how is that, how do they line it out? When you start, are they talking about those milestones and then you're kind of striving to hit them and then is there some. No, no, they're not.

Okay. No, no. There's not a lot of time. There's not. Time is not of a big thing in Al Anon. I think it would be in another 12 step program of our. Have you gotten to 24 hours? Have you gotten through 30 days? Have you gotten through six months? But it's more about the accountability I think of showing up to a meeting and owning if you've had a setback. I think that's a big part of the. It's the coming clean and the accountability piece is just going to a meeting or calling up an Al Anon friend and sharing. I slipped. I behaved in a way I'm not proud of. And then that accountability leads to, well, how can you clean up your mess? You know, what can you do now, now that you've made a mistake? Come clean what we say, clean up your side of the street. So then you can move ahead without that shame and guilt, which is the.

Whole key to everything, right Is moving past any shame and guilt. Because then your mind can actually open up to being more expansive when that's released.

Exactly, exactly. We about being stuck. You know, a lot of people get stuck in the, you know, the cycle of whatever we, however we behave because now we're in the shame and guilt and now we're maybe isolating because of it or we're, you know, we're doing self deprecating behaviors because of it and then it's just, it's just you're stuck. So how to become unstuck would be that accountability issue or peace or, you know, the mindset piece of changing the mindset or setting new goals.

What is the best way to get unstuck?

I mean, I think it's first and foremost is to hold yourself accountable by, you know, telling somebody else, right? Like either showing up to a meeting and calling yourself out or calling an Al Anon friend or, you know, telling somebody about your behavior. And then secondly, figuring out how you can make amends for that behavior, either to the person directly or in your life doing living. Amends and amends. A lot of people get confused. They think it's just apologizing and it really isn't just apologizing. It's more about changing behaviors to show that you're trying to not be that person anymore. That's an old behavior that came back. It came up and. But I don't want to behave that way any longer. So I'm trying and I want to show you I'm trying to not do that anymore. And then that. I mean, those two things are a big piece of moving past that behavior and not being stuck in whatever happened and moving past it and becoming better and actually learning from it and learning, oh, well, how did I get triggered that time for that behavior to happen? How can I feel next time if that happens again?

Is there anything I didn't ask you about Al Anon that you want to mention before we move to.

Before we move to the other, the other topic?

The one thing I didn't mention is that there is actually a teen Al Anon. It's called Alateen. So if anyone's listening, that's, you know, thinks, you know, that might, this might be a program for me or they do have children that are exposed to alcohol and alcoholic in their life. There is a teen program as well called Ala Teen, which is really beautiful. So, you know, I mean, if I, if I would have been exposed to these principles when I was a teenager, wow, how much my life might have been. I mean, it might have been different. Not to say that that's a good or bad thing, but, you know, you know, I believe everything happens for a reason. I'm here and I'm. I'm proud of the life I've lived. But having those principles as a teenager, wow, it could have been very life changing. Yeah.

That's huge. And it's so cool. Like, I love being able to talk about this because of. Well, number one, you shared so much stuff that will be immensely helpful for so many people. That just have maybe going through this right now and not knowing where to turn. And then even just the extra programs that like, I never even knew there was a codependent 12 step program. So I think that's huge because there's so many people that are stuck in that and that just need more support, you know, of people that are going through it too. And then also mentioning this teenager thing, I think, I think that's huge. So there's so much in this that's just. That's just so powerful.

Yeah. Well, thanks. Yeah, I'm really glad to be able to share it. You know, I mean, it is an anonymous program, so a lot of people, you know, it's not up to me to share other people that are in the program. But I personally, I tell anybody and everybody that I'm an Alanon because I think it's such a great program to. To, you know, I'd scream it from the rooftops, you know, to. That this has given me enormous strength and hope for my life. And, you know, I would only want that for others. Yeah.

And I think it helps like almost kind of frame the experience even more. It just makes it more purposeful, you know, to be able to then spread it and help other people by sharing about your experience.

Yes, definitely. Definitely. Yeah. Even having these conversations about it just. It energizes me. It makes me, you know, it reminds me, even when I'm telling you some of the principles, it's reminding me of the principles as I speak. So it's just, It's a great thing.

So I'd love to kind of go into. We talked. We're switching topics, you guys. So. Because Val and I have talked before about. She had just recently lost 20 pounds through a program that I had. I had done years ago. And they do a really good job of embedding the pieces of the do the thing formula also. And I think it's really neat to show the contrast of two totally different experiences from going through something so. So deep and so vulnerable, you know, as going through something like Al Anon. But then to also be able to apply it to other areas of your life from learning what. Having different resources and. God, what is that word? I keep forgetting that word you used? And I loved it.

Hold on.

Principles and having certain principles that you're able to live by and then you can apply it to other areas. So we're going to go lighter right now and we're going to talk about Val's gym journey. Do you mind just kind of talking about what we talked about a little bit with cam transformation and what happened with. With that program that you just went through.

Yeah, so I just. It was interesting, like we talked about earlier, you know, how things come to you. Right. I was like, scrolling Instagram one day and it said, looking for ladies in San Diego who want to lose 20 pounds. And that was exactly the amount of weight that I had been carrying around the last year that I wanted to get off this post. You know, this Covid weight. Looking for ladies in the San Diego area want to lose 20 pounds. And if you do lose it, you get. You get your money back. And I was like, what? So I reached out and I went over to the camp transformation center in Tierra Santa and they offered me a free class. And it's a hit class, which I love. I love like boot camps. I used to belong to a boot camp, and it got dismantled during COVID I was there for seven years, so I've been kind of trying to find a boot camp in the last two years. And so this is a hit class and there's stations and they. It's all these, you know, weights and upper body days, lower body days, and full body days. So I did a class and then they introduced me to what the challenge was. So for six weeks, they give you a meal plan, but it's not. It's strict, but it's. There's options and you get unlimited classes. And they. They say try to make at least five days a week, if not six, because they offer classes six days a week. So I immediately signed up, and that's a big chunk of change. So I put down the money, I got the meal plan. I met with the owner of the camp and she kind of laid out the meal plan and tips and how to what a typical day might look like with the eating. And I did that. I went to the store, bought all the things. I started going to the classes. And I loved that when I would go to classes, they. At the end of class, while you stretched, they always do the announcements and they announce upcoming days that they're going to have different, like, supplements that they have on sale. And they call different days different things. And so there were Wednesdays are always your why Wednesday. And they always remind you to think of your why. And I love that. I thought that was so brilliant because for me personally, my why was I wanted to feel better. Of course, I wasn't feeling good carrying around 20 extra pounds, but I also wanted to fit back into my size 8 jeans. So I was. And I was not willing to go and buy size 10 jeans or size 12 jeans. So I just, I was like, I'm going to go without jeans until I can fit back into these. So that was kind of my. Why that it was that and I wanted to fit back into my clothes that I no longer fit into this. I started the challenge in August and I went, you know, I go back to work at the end of August. So I was, I really want to fit back into my work clothes that I was no longer fitting into as well. So it's kind of vain, but it was also, it's, it's practical. That's just, that was it for me. I wasn't wanting to go and buy the next size up of clothes and I wanted to fit back into my clothes. So. So that was good to be reminded of every Wednesday. Yeah. And I just, I, I was very diligent about doing the eating part of the program. For me, it wasn't hard to get to the camp. I'm very habitual. So if I fit in into my schedule, if I figure out a time that I can work out, I will make sure I get there. So it wasn't getting to the gym. It was more about the eating. But I just set my mind to it and I did not, I didn't cheat from the eating plan once. And I, towards the end, I was. My last week, I had to lose four more pounds and I even cut back on some of the snacks of the eating plan just to lose those four. But I did it. I ended up actually in my. After my sixth week, I lost 21 and a half pounds. So I felt really good. Not to say all 20, all 21 haven't stayed off. But I, but I became a member of the gym. So I have been going to the gym four to five days a week still. So it's not coming back on. The weight's not coming back on. It's more of. There's more muscle weight. I also didn't stick as diligently to the food plan, so a few pounds came back on that I'm sure is not muscle weight. But. But I'm feeling good. I feel I can fit back into my old clothes. I feel great and I just feel healthier and happier. I mean, it's just they say the things that you can do between the ages of 20 to 60 that will really affect your happiness from 70 to 90 is to get exercise and to control your weight. So I mean, those are two of the things that I've heard can really last to longevity of happiness. So I think it's important.

I think you just added more to your why, Val.

I know, I know, right? Yeah. I mean, that is part of the why. It's definitely I want, I want to live. I want some longevity in my life and I want to live those later years feeling good. Right. I don't want chronic pain, I don't want knee problems or ankle problems. So that's definitely a big part of the why.

And then so with the educate part of this, they really helped you kind of understand what to eat in order to do the program. And then they also did something in terms of when they're training you and you're in that hit class, you're learning from them to be able to actually like, learn what moves to do to help you build strength and lose weight.

Definitely, yeah. And another part of the education that was big for me, I kind of know how to eat when I, when I decide to eat well, I know what that looks like. They taught me about portions, which was really important, and I bought a food scale. And it really is interesting what I think the American diet has done to us in terms of portion size. When they say, no, you, you don't have more than a cup of non fat plain Greek yogurt, you don't go beyond that. If I ever to scoop it out myself, it would always be more than what I, what I anticipated was a cup. But when, when I measured it out with an actual measuring cup or I weighed my chicken breast to only have 8 ounces, it was much less than what I would think. And it's just so interesting. So that was a big part of the education too for me was, was food portions and then also just tips on how to cook in a healthier way. Which oils are better to use when frying, you know, cooking up your chicken breast or your salmon. And what are some seasonings to use that don't have much salt? That was interesting. Like I was using a ton of Mrs. Dash. I haven't used Mrs. Dash in my cooking. And since I don't even know when I had some in my pantry, but I don't know the last last time I used it, but I used a lot of that because it doesn't have any salt. So, yeah, I did learn some things along the way for sure. And the hit classes, yeah, I'm definitely learning some new moves and how to target certain muscle groups on my body, which I never learned before in my boot camp. So, yeah, a lot of education.

Have you become anyone's mentor yet when they show up for the first time and you're helping them through the process or has that. Is it still too new?

Yeah.

Yes.

I actually two of my. So one of the caveats of the program I like to actually get your money back is not just lose the 20 pounds. You do weigh in every week and so you're, you're encouraged with your way weigh ins but they also take photos of you. You're encouraged to wear the same outfit you wore your very first weigh in and they take photos and they post them on social media. And a big part of the, the contract of getting your money back is to also post on social media. So I was doing that and two of my friends were inspired by my posts so they joined. So I feel like I am actually kind of Alan on passing it on. Not that I'm mentoring per se, but I went to both of their first classes with them. One just finished the six week challenge and she also met her goal. And I, when I work out with her, I would always ask her about her last weigh in and encourage her and just cheerlead her on and she said that she just so and enjoyed that. She loved seeing me in the hit classes because she knew she would get that, that cheerleader next to her. So, so yeah, I do feel like I'm kind of passing it on too. It's been nice.

So cool. So in terms of accountability, you're weighing in every week, they're taking photos and then you're also posting on social media. All with the, the, it's even bigger because it's a money incentive to get your money back.

Definitely, definitely. But that accountability I think is huge. To, to actually say it out on social media that you plan to do something is huge. I think for accountability. I think for anyone wanting to set a major goal for themselves to just post it out on social media is, it's really, really powerful. I mean because. And then if you do have those, those check ins along the way, either a photo or posting to show your progress, I don't know another way to really make yourself accountable to a mass amount of people.

And then as far as goals go. So you had the goal of losing 20 pounds and then is there any other goals that you set? Well, I guess you set goals for you to go to the gym a certain amount of days. But how did the goals look for, for this process?

Yeah, the goals were the weigh ins, you know, that you had to weigh in at the end of each week. The going at least five to six days a week to the Gym. Sticking to the meal plan. So literally they had an app that every day you had to kind of check off that you did these goals. So it was. They call their, their eating program. It's something funny about just do it. You know, not just do it, but something like that. Stick to the plan.

Does it trust the process?

No, it. Hold on. It's so funny because there's actually like a word of profanity and it was hilarious. It's called because now. So, so now on my app it's something different. It's a different food plan. It's not the same thing. It's so I'm forgetting. But it's just stick to the Follow the dam instructions. That's it. Follow the dam instructions is the name of their food plan. So they call it FD FTDI Food plan. Just follow the dam instructions and you won't go wrong. And so you literally have to like check off every day that you, you made it to a hit class, you followed the dam instructions and you drank a gallon of water. So those were like the three check offs every day on their app that you had to check off. So I thought that was pretty cool too. That was another like goal setting and some accountability by checking it off in the app.

And then how did you handle the mindset while you were doing this and having to eat certain foods and then also work out? Was there a certain way that you approached mindset or that they have you approach mindset?

I think the why was really big for me and the accountability. I didn't, I didn't want to go and weigh in at the end of the week and have gained weight when I knew that they would. They write on a board your name and what, what, how much weight you have lost. They don't, they don't write your weight, you know, your actual weight, but how much, you know, pounds you've lost on a whiteboard and you hold it and they take a picture. So talk about accountability. So if like last week I had, you know, lost 12 pounds and then the next week I'm going to go down to 10. No, that's not okay for me. You know, I'm not going to, I don't want to take a picture of me having lost less weight the next week than the week before. And it's such a short amount of time. It's only six weeks. And they say to really treat it as five weeks so you're not white knuckling it your last week. So I think the time frame, the accountability issue, the weigh Ins were a big part of me staying on track every week because I would. I could think to myself, okay, I'm not going to cheat today because I have to weigh in in three days, you know, or I'm not going to cheat now because I only have one more week of the challenge. You know, like, especially towards the end when you're getting really tired of the food plan and you're just like, oh, I just. You don't have the cravings so much anymore for, you know, bad foods or anything. But it's just, you know, you're. You're trying to. You're getting tired of the same things and losing a little momentum, but you're like, almost there. So I'm not gonna stop running the marathon on mile 22. Yeah.

You almost had a similar slogan as you had with Alan on with the one day at a time. It's the. Yeah, cheat today.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to cheat to, you know, just. I'm not going to cheat today. Yeah, definitely. One day at a time is huge in all kinds of situations. Yeah.

Well, I would love you to share your biggest piece of advice for the listeners on doing the thing.

You know, for me, a big piece of advice. Be gentle with yourself. I think so much in this society is like, pull yourself up by the bootstraps. Just do it. Just, you know, I mean, like, it's the. The word just, like, it's just easy, you know, and it's no, like, be gentle too. Like, we are all just human beings trying to get through this thing called life. We're not going to do things perfectly. We all make mistakes. And with that, don't be too gentle with yourself where you let yourself off the hook, you know what I mean? But I think that the beating ourselves up really works more against us than it does for us. And I think internal dialogue of reprimanding ourselves or beating ourselves up never, ever motivates us. I think it's the biggest lie that people think if I talk nasty to myself in my head, it's going to motivate me to do the thing I've never met anyone that's actually worked for. So I think gentle talk with ourselves, you know, loving talk with ourselves, finding people in our lives that will do that for us when we can't do it for ourselves, I think is really, really important.

That is so good. And is there anything I didn't ask you that you wish I asked you?

No, I think we've covered it, Stacy. I mean, we tend to, when we talk.

Thank you so much for doing this. Is there any place that people can keep in touch with you or follow you on your journey? I didn't ask you about that ahead of time, but is there any. Do you have anything that, like social media, media stuff or anything?

I don't have social media specifically designed to my Al Anon journey or to, you know, my camp transformation. It's just my personal, you know, like Instagram and. And Facebook. But I am. I am doing your dare. Your dare challenge, and I am on Facebook, so I go by my maiden name on Facebook. It's Valerie Hansen Hanson's with an e. So. And if anyone's doing the. The Dating dare challenge, I'm. I'm in that group, so.

Awesome. I'm going to be actually sharing some of the stuff you talked to me about today on that call tonight, because there's some powerful stuff that you said that I like, can't wait to talk about.

Oh, that's so great. Well, thanks, Stacy. Thank you so much for having me.

Yeah, thanks for being here. I really appreciate it.

Thanks for listening to the do the Thing podcast. Podcast. We hope you enjoyed the show. But even more, we hope you'll be inspired to do the thing. Do you have a burning question on Doing the Thing that you'd like answered? How about an inspiring do the Thing story of your own that you'd like to share? We'd love to hear all about it. Just leave us a voice message at dothething callcast. Co or email us at hello at dudes the thingpodcast. Com.