Episode 136 - Chrissy Palmer On How The Dating Dare Challenge Helped Rediscover Herself

I do really believe 100% from every part of me that everyone has the capacity to be able to do the things that they want and not to be held back by the mental baggage that's in our head that we want to push through.

Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. In each episode, we get down and personal with people who go after the things they want to make all their wildest dreams come true. Join us as we unveil and dissect a formula for what it takes to do the thing. Here is your host, Stacy Lauren.

Hey, everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacy Lauren. Oh, my gosh, I can't believe I'm here. I am actually recording an interview with someone that participated in our second do the Thing Dating Dare challenge. And it's been amazing because the second challenge was really a great way for me to integrate the pieces of the do the Thing formula, from what happens the first challenge, to getting the exit interviews from the participants and then being able to implement, like, all those things that I thought could really help for the second challenge. And so it's really exciting to be able to have this chance to talk to our next guest because she participated in the second challenge, was an amazing participant. She even went full born into the rhino that we used for the challenge as the. As the guide to guide everyone through handling rejection and getting out of your comfort zone and doing hard things. And so she totally just got the whole concept throughout it and was an amazing supporter of all the participants. So I'm so excited to get a chance to dive in with her and hear all about how she did the things. So. Hey, Chrissy.

Hi. Thanks for having me on. Yeah.

Welcome to the show. I'm so excited to have you.

Me too. I excited to be here and I was excited to take part in the whole project. Like, it was awesome. And I did. I even. I may or may not have asked for a stuffed rhino for Christmas and got it for Christmas. So I have my own charge now. Oh, my gosh.

You have to take a picture with him. I love that.

That is so cool. And it's so funny because that was for the listeners. So what happened was for the first Facebook Live, the kickoff challenge for the do the Thing Dating Dare challenge. I don't know. It was a last minute decision because the girl that was helping me run the challenge, that helped me create it, so she had mentioned I should really have a co host and I was. I don't know who I could have as a co host for this challenge. And then I remembered, so I am in love with a rhino. That's my life. Right. And I think you heard this story from when I was in college. It was this book that I read called Very Nostril Success. And it was all about Charge. Or. No, it wasn't even about Charge. It was about the rhino and how if you picture yourself as a rhino, it's so much easier to do hard things. And I had gotten my daughter a rhino, a stuffed rhino, a year ago, and she's the one that named him Charge. And so at the minute, 10 minutes before that kickoff, I got it. And I was, oh, my God, Ryan Charge, you are my perfect co host. And it took on so well. Like, people totally got it.

Yes. It's just a great visual and it helps you understand. You're right. A rhino would never walk softly into a room. Right. A rhino would never care about what the other things around it. It's just gonna do what it's gotta do. So he's perfect. I love it.

Oh, so good. Well, I'd love to just start off and just have you share with the listeners why you decided to join this challenge. What really got you to say yes?

So I have been out of the dating pool for, I'm afraid to even say a quarter of a century, but. And I' a widow. And, like, so I. I felt like I was ready to, like, start thinking about it, not may, maybe not jump into the pool, so to speak, but I was ready to start at least exploring the concepts. And I thought this was a good way to do that. And it was so much better than I even expected. I expected to get one thing out of this. Right. That's what I was hoping for. With anything you do, I hope to get one. Take one thing away from it. I learned so much in this. I. I can't even tell you, like, how much I took away from this. It was. It was not one thing. It was a million things, and they were all great things.

I'm so. It just fills my heart to hear you say that. So before this, had you done dating and then online dating or what was kind of your experience with dating in general?

So I've never done online online dating. I was with my husband for 20 years, and then he passed away about four years ago. So it just. The last time I dated, it was before there was much online dating. Like that still had a stigma to. And I'm sort of a serial monogamist to some extent. And I've realized now, thanks to our group, that that had to do with my attachment style, which I have a better handle on them. But so for me, I. What I wanted to do was kind of immerse myself in it without being unsafe. Right. Like, and this was the way to do that. It, it wasn't scary joining an online dating crowd. It was more talking about the dating scene and how things are these days. Right. So that, that so why I joined.

Yeah, no, I love that. And so how did you find the daily objective with self love being the core of. The core objective of you doing every day?

So I found it hard in practice until we talked about meeting you where you are and what don't I suck at? I have decent self esteem, but I can't say I love everything about myself. Right. Like I'm very self aware of my flaws and things. So when you said what don't I suck at? That made it easier for me and it's helped me to sort of reframe my thinking. And actually that fed into my goal this year is to work on my inner voice and the negative things that come from it. And that was one of the things that helped me see I needed to work on that was the daily journal. Even though there were days didn't want to do it and I really struggled with it. I don't know. I hate everything today and I screwed this up and I'm tired and I'm cranky and I'm fat and I'm old. So some days it was a little hard to come up with something. And like I said and then. But at the. It was well worth it. It's kind of the whole gratitude practice. It's the same kind of thing, but appreciating yourself, which I'm not so great at. Right. So I thought it was very, very helpful.

Yeah, I love that you said that with the meeting you where you're. Because like I had just had. Just so for the listeners. What happened was I had just talked to a wilderness therapist who helps kids overcome trauma in their life and basically had said that there's a lot of kids that will come to her and she wants them to find what's good about their day. But it's. They're in such a emotional state that they can't even access what's good. So she says what doesn't suck about your day? And to them that was like an easier way for them to open up that portal to see what was good. Because like an example would be, oh, it's not raining today. And so that just made me realize, oh my gosh this is perfect for the dating challenge because depending on where you came from, for you, it came from being a widow. But there were a lot of people in the group that had come from really toxic divorces and just totally had gone through a lot of stuff. Right. And like you said, having that. The inner voice talk. Yeah. I just felt so many people talk about positive affirmations and positive this and this is gratitude and all that is good. Right. But sometimes you're just not there. And if meeting the person where they're at, I think is such a huge thing. And so I love that you actually mentioned that specifically, because that was a huge kind of connection point for. For me too, where if you're not there, don't beat yourself up that you're not there. Just meet yourself exactly where you are.

Right. And that was huge for me too, because like I said on the day I was having a rough day, I didn't really like anything about myself right that minute. Right. And then I got mad that I couldn't come up with one dumb thing. I. And then when we have the talk about meet yourself where you're at, that shifted my perspective so that, okay, maybe I can't find anything I absolutely like about myself, but I don't suck at taking care of my dogs or I don't suck at being a good friend or it. It did. It made it easier to reframe it from negative thought process. So, yeah, I think it absolutely helped the people that came from toxic situations as well, and. Or people like me that have a very negative inner voice. That's. That's just how my inner voice is, and I'm trying to retrain it. Right.

Well, I think the. The first thing is self awareness, realizing that you're ready to change from having that negative perception of it. So, I mean, that's. That's huge. And I think you've given yourself gratitude, you've given yourself a celebration for that because you're moving towards the direction by doing these new things.

Right. All thanks to you. Oh, seriously, this challenge was so great for me. It really was. I got so much out of it.

I'm so. I'm so glad to hear that. And then I want to ask more about that question about that specifically. But I wanted to also see. So with the self love and doing that daily, because we did it for five weeks, did you end up. Up getting to take any of that with you? Are you doing that still or any form of that now that the challenge is over?

So, no, for me, it really worked. Its way into the. Change your inner voice instead. So now I try to. I'll hear myself say something to myself that's negative and then like I'll kind of mentally slap myself on the wrist like, hey, I'm supposed to do that anymore, remember? So that's how I, that's what I took from it. I'm sure other people still write it down. I don't, I journal, but I don't journal much about myself per se. I more talk to my, my dead husband.

Yeah.

But I, it, it has made me take the time to appreciate things about myself though, in day to day when I'm taking stock of my life or what I've been doing lately. I, I have noticed because of that it all started with that process that I am trying to be kinder to myself and be more. Okay, what would you say about your friend? Would you say that about your friend or would or your sister or your mom? No, he wouldn't say any of that. So that's how I took it. I'm trying to apply it more globally, I guess, to my life.

Okay, so I'd love to hear. When you, when you joined, what did you, you mentioned thinking you would just get one thing out of the challenge. What was the one thing you were thinking you would get out of it?

To me, it was my way of sticking my first toe in the dating pool. Right. Like if I'm so. I'm, I'm deathly afraid of that. I'm not going to lie. Especially the apps. I feel that's feral and I'm scared. Right. Just because I'm old and whatever. Right. But so for me, this was my challenge, my way of sticking my toe back in and starting the process. Starting to become comfortable with even thinking about it. So for me, just even joining the group was huge. And then a lot of the dares pushed me and I found that helpful as well. Right. That it started. The dares started even more for me, but the first part for me was really even taking a step forward and admitting that I even want to talk about relationships or think about getting into one. Right. For me, that that was my first step.

So good. How did you do it? How did you get yourself to actually sign up and like to overcome that shift?

Oh, I looked at it three or four times before I actually hit join. I saw your posts in one of the other single groups and so then I went and checked it out. I don't know, kind of afraid. And then I went back and looked at it again a couple days later. And then finally just pulled the trigger, right? And then came home and told, I live with my best friend right now. She. She lives at my house. And so I came home and told her, like, okay, so I joined this dating shower thing and it's not supposed to be dating dating, so we'll see how bad I do at it. Because it was a jump for me. It was hard for me to finally commit to that. So that's how I did it. I just sort of. I thought about it for a couple of days and then I finally just told myself, I'll just pull the trigger and do it. Yeah. I will admit I was super nervous even after I signed up. I told my friend and when we, like that first meeting, I was so nervous that first meeting. I don't know why, right. In hindsight, but in the beginning I was like, oh, God, what are they going to make us do? Or we're going to have to go around the room and say who we are and all that. Like, I just, I didn't know what to expect. So I did have some nerves and some anxiety over it. I just thought, okay, this is it being Facebook based and. Or zoom and that kind of thing, it's a little less risky. Right. So for all of that, it fit right in. It was risky enough for me, but safe enough. All of those things together.

I love that because it just shows that you were comfortable in the group. I'm curious, how did that community around you help kind of create that momentum for you to be able to do the dares?

Oh, they were so huge. It was such a great community of people who were being vulnerable and admitting, hey, I was afraid to do this, but I did it and it wasn't that bad or, hey, I tried and I just couldn't do it today. Like, that made me feel not alone. And they were. Everybody in that group was supportive and kind. And I made some friends that I feel like I will continue with for a while. People I never would have come across and irl right in real life, but people who I consider to be amazing, interesting people and I'm grateful for the opportunity for them to come into my life. So that group was incredibly important. And when you said you closed after like a week or two, that made a lot of sense to me so that we could continue to grow closer too. And you kind of got to know Mike's personality and Natalie's personality and Ryan, you appreciated them for their daily little happy notes and or things. Right. And everyone else who shared the time to say, oh, God, I really didn't want to do this. And it went better than I thought or all that. Like, that was very weak for me. And it really. It helped me to want to stay in the group. I think if we didn't have that interaction, if it was more like a tutorial or whatever, like a learning experience without interaction, I'm not sure if it would have held my attention the whole time. Right. But the fact that I felt connected with these people really made me want to continue with it and continue to grow. Yeah.

And you're making me think. I'd love to have you explain. For the people listening, maybe. Maybe they. This might be the first episode they're hearing. Is what was. Is the what is the do the thing dating dare challenge in your perception?

And what.

What. What was the what is it?

For me, it was learning. It was a group learning project, an experience project that we. We all worked on together, but separately. Right. Like, but you had people going through the same thing at the same time, so it felt collaborative. I'm not sure if that's the right word, but so to me, what it was is a group of people who came together to discuss their life experiences and how to just move forward through your fear and do it anyway. And the whole but did you die? Thing. One of our slogans is, but did you die and just do the thing, because you do. Go do it. And it wasn't as bad as you made it out to be in your head. For the life of me, I hated going and eating a meal by myself. I felt like everybody was looking at me like, how does this lady not have someone to eat a meal with her right now? I could care less because I got over that. And that is all because of all the things we did in the challenge. So for me, the. I guess another way to put it would be that this group encouraged me and we encouraged each other to stretch our limits, to find out that things aren't as far as we maybe make them out to be in our head and that there's nothing wrong with trying and having it work out. And I don't know. I found a lot of happiness in this group too. Like, some of the daily love and the whole just started dancing. Like, I can't tell you how many times I started dancing since then, because, yeah, I'm alone and it makes me happy. And I didn't know it would do that. So I took so much from this group, I think if I had to. And I'm sorry, that was a long winded answer, but I Think if I had to summarize that, I would say it's a group where you learn about your own desires and your own comfort zones in terms of interacting with other people, strangers, and. Or just putting yourself out there, whether it be a dating scene or for me, even, like a new job or a new church or any kind of new project where maybe you're afraid. This really helped me with that. Like, it's that kind of group that'll get you. It'll help to motivate you and help to encourage you to move past your career.

So good. It's so interesting that you're. Because you see me in the group where I was going to do this, do the thing, start a podcast challenge, and I was a little obsessive about it. You guys have to do this.

There was a percentage of people that were totally interested and ready, and then I had people outside of the group that were also interested. But then I realized there was just so many people that weren't ready yet. And that helped me realize, okay, maybe do the. Start a podcast is a little too outside of where they're at. And so then it ended up getting me to almost even change the identity of the group and to do the thing singles now. Right. And becoming the most incredible version of yourself. And so then when you do meet someone, they're just part of that journey with you. And the next challenge is going to be the do the thing, find your voice challenge, which it sounds. That's right in line with what you're working on now, which I think is really cool.

It does sound really cool. And like I said, I just. I took so much from every bit of this. It was. It was very helpful for me and things I will carry forward. I think I learned so much about myself, and I've been working on myself. And anyway, I've been in therapy because I'm a widow and all that. Right. So I'd already been working on myself. But this. This helped me grow in a different direction. And I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that there was a community involved that I feel. You're my friend, Stacy, and I feel like my friend, and Adelaide's my friend. Right. I feel close to all of you because we had a shared experience. So I really think that. That. That had a special part of the program had. Had had a big part of the outcome for me.

What were some of your favorite dares? In addition to the going to a restaurant by yourself, was there any dares that really got you excited to do.

So one of the dares was reach out to an old friend. And what had happened in my life was one of our mutual friends had passed away unexpectedly from COVID issues, and I was able to reconnect with him. Like, we ran into each other on the Internet because of that and then set up a time for a call. And I wouldn't. I don't know if I would have asked for the call if it wasn't part of the challenge. But I was so glad to reconnect with him, especially given when you lose someone, there's something about communicating with someone who knew them, too. And so that. And this guy was a big part of my life and a big. One of my closest friends for a lot of years. And I hadn't talked to him just because that's how life goes. You move on, you get married, you have kids, you have grandkids, you work, whatever. You lose touch. So for me, that challenge is probably. That was probably my favorite because it meant so much to me to reconnect with him. And now I. We're back as a part of each other's lives, right? So that was probably my favorite challenge. The other challenge is I. The going to the bar and sit by yourself and just talking to people sitting around you. That was a little hard for me, but I was glad after the fact. I went. I sat down. I had my phone. I was going to look at my phone, and then I remembered the dare, and I thought, okay, I was waiting for my family, that I had gone an hour early, because sometimes it's hard to get a table, and because of the challenge. Right. And so I put my phone away, I ordered a drink, and I started talking to the bartender and the gentleman next to me and the lady on the other side of me, and I had a really good time. And I wouldn't have done that without the challenge. I would have stared at my phone right until my family got there. So it has. I'm a social person by nature, but, like, that helped me remember that, because with COVID and then grief and all that, I have not been a very social person. So this. This challenge helped me to reignite that and remember that I do like talking to people I don't know, and I do like making people smile and cracking jokes, and, like, that's my favorite thing to do. And I haven't done it because I just. I was stuck in a fog and all those things, or I think those were probably my two favorite challenges, so. Good.

And right now, you're doing the. Do the Thing Book club challenge with Natalie.

Right. It's so good. That book is so amazing. Oh my gosh. So I, I have read like Brene Brown and some of those other. I can't think of the other one, the Unbroken and a couple of the other podcasts and the books that those people write. Right. So I. But for me, this book explains so much that I didn't even know it was like a thing. And when I read it, like when we did the test first, the first time I did the test, it came out super anxious, attached. And I was. I don't think that's right. And then I realized it was because I had answered questions about my father, who was never in my life, and I had marked that negative instead of zero right in the middle. And so when I went back and redid it, then it felt right to me because I was like, no. When I was younger, sure, I was super anxious. Right. But I don't feel that way anymore. But the book helped me identify like the acting out and all of the things like I was like, I did that, I did that. I did that. Right. And if I had known all that when I was younger, maybe it would have been different. And Certainly in my 20 year relationship with my husband that are things I would have handled differently. Had I read that book earlier, I would have been able to more recognize what my trigger issues were and when I was acting out and what I was doing instead of. There were times we were down in 20 years. There were times when I would just say, hi, I just need to know you love me. I'm feeling super into. But there were plenty of times I acted out instead because I felt threatened. And I just wonder if I had the. I don't know if I would have had the perspective. I think I was young and emotional and immature. But for me now it. It's so different. And that book speaks to so much. I really wish I would have read it 20 years ago. I don't know that I would have heard it 20 years ago, but for me now that looks life changing. It really is.

Yeah. And I love the way that you just worded that. And just so everyone knows, we're talking about the book attached, which is the. It was one of the first dares is to take the is from that book. And then I mentioned it for them to read it. And then we later had one of the community members, Natalie, take it on and wanted to do a book club for it. It's been really unbelievable to have that as part of the community too. Because now you guys are, like, diving into it. But I love. I love how you said, like, I don't know if I would have heard it earlier because it is that way of going through. Okay, I'm reading this right at the right time because I almost needed every experience that I had in order for me to hear in the way that I'm hearing it now.

Exactly, exactly. And when I was younger, I was stubborn, and there were a lot of things I would not have heard. Right. Like, I thought I knew how the world should work. And I thought if I could control everybody, things would be perfect. So I'm not certain I would have heard it back then. Right. Like, I think I just. I was so full of bubble, really. I was young and dumb and thought I knew everything. Right. Like now, through this group and through losing my husband, that was certainly part of it. I have learned what really matters and that you can't control a single thing. Like, I wasted a lot of years tilting at windmills, so to speak, banging my head against the wall trying because I was mad that I couldn't control other people. Like, what a waste of time, right? But I know that now at this age. You. You tried to tell me that at 25, 30, even 35, I would have told you to jump off a cliff. I wouldn't have heard it. So it is this. This group and this book came at the perfect time for me. And I think for people going through a divorce and. Or anyone kind of figuring themselves out, that that is a great time to read that book.

And what do you think it's been for you? Being able to kind of dissect it deeper with the people that you've already been kind of going through this growth experiment with, if you call it that, with doing the challenge and then being able to dive deeper with the book club. Like, how has that experience been for you?

So that's been great because there again, you have community and you're talking. We've gone chapter by chapter. We just did chapter six. And what's interesting is you get stuff from the chapter itself, but then you're listening to other people talk about what they got from it, and you have other light bulb moments when they're talking about their experience or their perspective. I'm not just learning from the book. I'm learning from the other people in the group. And to me, that's amazing. And it makes it. I read a lot. I read fast. Yes, I would have read this book. I think I'm getting a ton more out of it because we're discussing it and we're sharing thoughts and ideas about it. I really feel I'm getting a lot more out of it because of that.

And I'd love to hear. And I'm asking this question because as the community grows, we're going to have more members take roles on kind of like what Natalie did, right? Where she's. I have an idea. Let's do a book club on attached. What's it been for you? Where watching her step out of her comfort zone, doing this book club and taking it on, like, kind of watching her kind of go through this process where now she's evolving to another level and, like, being a part of. Almost like seeing her growth in a way. How has that been for you?

Being a part of that, watching her grow and she's doing the thing. You could tell the first night of book club, she was nervous. Who wouldn't be? But she did great. And now she's super comfortable with it. And it's a great, comfortable group. Everybody has nerves that first time, but it was so cool to watch her go from being nervous to taking control of it, taking the reins. And she's been excited about it the whole time, but now she's excited about it and pass the mirror, so it's even better. And she's just. She's this beacon of light because she's just out there with her feelings and her experiences. She is not afraid to share, and that makes it very comfortable for everybody else to share. I think it makes me comfortable. So it has been so cool to watch her grow and watch her, you know, she's open about her dating life and things like that, too. So, like that. That's been fun to watch, too, because, you know, you kind of live vicariously, but it also inspires you to be like, okay, look, who did that? You could maybe. Oh, I signed up for pickleball. We're supposed to start tomorrow night. That was my big week for this year. So my best friend and I are going to take pickleball classes because it's. Because I watched Natalie do book club or some of the other people in the challenges get past their fear and have happy results. Nobody died. Nobody was starved for life by pushing their boundaries a little bit. And so that inspires you to push your boundaries, I think.

Oh, totally. I love hearing you say that. And then I'm also wondering and what's cool about Natalie taking on the book club was it almost held her accountable to read the book. And so I love that idea of. And learning it even Deeper, because now she's part of facilitating it. And so. And so I think it's great that you're able to share that too. But as far as accountability goes for you, like, you were at majority of the Facebook lives that were on Mondays, and then now you're doing the book club on Sundays. What's getting you to show up to these things and then also then do the things associated with. Like, how are you keeping yourself accountable to get to do the thing? I guess I should say.

Sure. So there again, the community's part of it. I know if I don't show up, the book club, they're gonna. It's not a big group of people. They're gonna know I'm not there. And I made a commitment. I'm an adult, and when I make it a commitment, I stick to it and I do the best I can. And yes, I would say, like, the second I didn't want one of the nights, I didn't want to do it. I hadn't read the book, and then I just. I crammed the book, and then I. I joined it, and I got so much out of it, I thought, well, that's what you get for being negative. See, why were you complaining? So I found that both with the challenges in the do the thing and in book club, that being accountable to the community, because I feel bonded to the community, makes me want to show up and meet the deadlines and do the things. I want to read the chapter so that I can have a nice conversation with these people who also read the chapter because we're all taking the time to do this. I don't want to let them down. If life is busy and sometimes you can't read a chapter, fine, you can still have a conversation. You still get stuff from it. Especially like Natalie highlights and read quotes directly from the book, which is fantastic. But so for me, it's the community. Committing to the community is what made me show up and made me do it. There were a couple there I didn't want to do, and I can't remember for the life of me what they are right this moment, but I just went and did them, and it's like going to the gym. Anything that makes you uncomfortable. I've never once wanted to go to the gym. I've never once wanted to work out, but once I've done it, I feel better about myself. Some of the challenges were like that for me. No, I don't want to do this. But after I proved to myself and to our community that I could I felt better and watching the other people do it right. That's inspiring too. That makes you kind of get over your nerves. Well, okay, she did it and did it and it went fine for them. So I could probably try it.

How do you think you grew in other areas outside of this do the thing dating dare challenge like in other area of your areas of your life?

I have learned so much about myself and I don't. I think growing up I just was so desperate for somebody to love me and I was so anxious in my attachment style of that I set my whole life. I'm a natural blunt people pleaser. So I spent my whole life trying to get someone else to love me. Right. I never thought I was a bad person per se, but I can't say that I necessarily loved myself until I finally had my long term and healthy relationship with my husband. So I don't think I spent a lot of time learning about myself and this group, this challenge. I have learned so much about me and why I am the way I am and what I want to be and what I don't want to be. And similarly what I want the other person to be or not to be. Right. We're reading the different attachment styles and I don't have time for someone who is. What do they call it when they won't attach? Right. Like I. At this point in my life, I'm sorry, I don't have time for games and wondering if you like me. But that helps me to identify it. So there's so many things like. And it's helped me with my communication style at work, the way I interact with people at work, considering like I look at what I learn about myself, I then turn around and think about it and it gives you a new lens when you look at other people. So it just. I'm not exaggerating when I say it really did change so many different facets of my life. My. So the attachment helped me with my best friends. I had an issue with my best friends. They hurt my feelings. I didn't meet you, but it was a. Is a big hit to me. And it was hard for me to. My initial reaction was to avoid and. Or just be mad and suck my thumb in the corner, which. And it was my issue, not theirs. They didn't do it on purpose. It happens. People hurt your feelings. But this book helped me. The things I've learned between this book and the group helped me to identify that it is my issue and that it's up to me to deal with that. Right. Like, that's one of the things I learned through this is most of what you go through is somehow you do it to yourself. Right? It's the way you see things. It's the prism you take with you from all of your lifetime experiences or prejudices and all that stuff. But I really think for me, this group, it really. I thought I learned so much about myself and it's made me a better person. So doesn't sound weird about my husband dying made me a much better person because you suddenly realize what matters and what doesn't and you don't care about stupid little things and you have a lot more patience and all this stuff. But this group helped me then to think about myself and how I wanted to grow and who am I and where do I want to go for me from here? Because we talk about, you want to be the best version of yourself and then if someone happens into your life, great. And now, thanks to this group, I've also thought, like, I'm not letting someone into my life that hasn't been at least attempted to deal with their stuff because I've spent a lot of time working online and I'd like to have mature conversations where you can throw together about it rather than someone who just never dealt with their crap again. A long winded answer. I'm sorry.

Yeah, no, I love it. I love it. If you kind of have a better idea of who's entering into your sphere now too.

And.

And I really, I really, really like that. I was also curious what could make it better? So when I do get into whether it's do the thing dating dare challenge number like I mentioned, Find a voice challenge. Is there anything you think could make. Make the community better, the challenges better, or any other feedback you have on that?

The only thing I would think of and I don't know that it's possible because we were so spread out but like if we could meet people in person, the people you bonded with again. But I don't know that that's feasible. I don't especially. There were people literally across the country, right. You and I are in California, but Mike was on the east coast and Tammy's or. I'm sorry, I don't know why I want to call Natalie Tammy, but I do. She's down there in Arizona now and or so I don't know that it's feasible, but it would be fantastic to meet at least a couple people face to face if that was a way that like a challenge or whatever the challenge is for you. I mean the two closest people to get together. Right. Or something. And I. It may not be feasible if we're all in different states, but I wouldn't have. I thought it would be fun to meet them face to face. I feel like I know them, so getting to meet them would be special.

Yeah, that would be fun. I know. That was something I really liked in the first challenge. I don't know if you ended up hearing about it, but Natalie and another community member, sue, had taken do the thing on the road and they went to Napa.

Nice. Together.

It was so cool to watch them.

Awesome.

Yeah. But I like the idea of maybe a future event or something that. That would be. That would be super. Certainly fun, I'm sure. So for someone listening that is thinking about joining, whether it's the dating dare challenge or something else, what would you. What would you tell them? And maybe they're like, oh, I don't know. It's scary. And what would I. How am I going to do this thing? What would you. What would you say to that person?

That it's not near really as scary as you think once you get involved. I was very nervous and wasn't sure. And. But the community was kind and everybody was supportive, so it's not nearly as scary as you think. And. And if there's anything you're super uncomfortable with, you don't really do it. Like, we're all adults. If you really can't do one of the challenges, so don't do it. Nobody's going to beat you up or hate your guts. Right. So for me, it was not the monster I thought it was going to be. It was not. It was fun, and I'm so glad I did it. And I. I was very anxious. So if somebody out there is thinking about doing it, I say go for it. Just go for it. Give it a shot. It. Honestly, you will love it and you will. You'll learn about yourself and grow in ways you didn't know you could.

So good. And how are you feeling about the find your voice challenge?

So I'm. Right now is my busy time at work, so I don't know if I can dedicate the same time to it, but I'm. I'm thinking about it. I don't. Like I have a voice. I'm not afraid to speak my mind, so to speak. But I think again, if I had the time, I would absolutely join because I know I would learn more about myself and learn from it. So I'm. I'm hoping I can work it out. But I'M I'm just afraid to commit right this minute because of work.

Yeah, no, I totally understand. Just so you know, it will be. This one's only going to be a mini sprint. It's 17 days, and I'm just going to have. The dares are just going to be voice notes. So it'll be like a minute or.

Oh, okay.

It'll be a really.

All right.

Really simple one. And then there will be an opportunity. But there'll be bonus stairs where you could interview someone else.

But.

And use the challenge as the vehicle to do that. And then I'll give guidance on that. So just so you know, there is. There's more to it, but the very minimum you have to do is just like a minute voice note a day.

Okay. Okay. All right, great.

Check it out for sure.

Okay, cool.

And then.

Okay, so, Chrissy, the time is here. What would be your number one piece of advice to people on doing the thing?

Just do it. To quote Nike or to quote Stacy, do the thing. Just do the thing. Like it's. It's not nearly as bad as you make it out to be. It's not as scary. No. And, you know, but did you die? I love the but did you die? Because. No. Those are the things I would say. Just do it. Just. Just put yourself out there and do it. It's not as scary as you think it is.

And is there anything I didn't ask you that you wish I did?

I guess my only uncomfortable experience was I. And this was just. It was one of the bears and I didn't die. It wasn't my favorite, but I didn't die. I went in to get a patent sip by myself, and it was fun and they were nice, but it was all groups of friends. And so I really felt uncomfortable because everyone else. There was no other single person there. Right. You go out to dinner, there's probably a single person. You go to a movie, there's gonna. You know. But these were all groups of friends and then just me. Like a single thumb.

Right.

And so I discovered while I didn't care for that, I still was able to enjoy the class and enjoy doing the painting. And I didn't die. I didn't want to go that day. I was in such a bad mood. I was tired. I made it up. Every excuse not to go. You should have heard me. You'd have thought I was 13 years old, whining like a baby about, I'm not going to go. I don't want to do this. Why did I sign up for this. And my. My best friend's just looking at me like, okay, then don't go. And then, you know, because again, I made the commitment, and I'm an adult. All right, I'm gonna go. And she goes, what? Oh, 20 minutes later. And I said, well, I got over my hissy fit and I'm gonna go do it, you know? And I had fun. It wasn't the greatest experience of my life. I did feel a little alienated, like I said, but I enjoyed the clerk. I had fun doing the painting, and I did the thing, and I was super proud I did the thing. So I guess that's what I would say. It was even in my quote, quote, not so great experience through all of it. It wasn't a bad experience. It was still a good learning experience. I still had fun with it. I still learned, like, okay, but you didn't die by being the only one there without a friend. Like, nobody was actually rude to you, and it wasn't like you're in junior high or whatever. So I guess that's a question, if I was you, that I might ask other people is okay. And what was your least favorite part? And how did you get through it? Or, you know, how did you feel about it? Because for me, that being on a scale of 1 to 10, if that's the negative, that was not a negative. Everything I did was positive, and I got. I got great things out of it.

Yeah. And I'm really glad you brought it up, because it's making me think I could even give some prompts for someone when that does happen, because I used to have a thing where networking meetings or things like that. I didn't like going up to, like, groups of people. I only went up if the person was by themselves. But I had an experience last year where I went to this networking thing with my boyfriend, and he's comfortable going up to groups of people. And I met the most amazing person that I'm still friends with now, and she actually helps me with some copy stuff for the podcast. And I wouldn't have met her if we didn't go up to that group. And so my question, and my thought is maybe that's something I can support around is coming up with. Okay, this is what you could do when you're in that situation, running into a group of people and you're feeling you're the only single person. Like, maybe give some more guidance around that too.

Yeah, I think that would be helpful. It would be helpful for me, and I'm sure I'M not the only one that feels that way. Right. I think we all feel a little anxious when we feel like the only lone person in the group. So, yeah, if you could find a way to work that in, that'd be fantastic. Yeah.

Cause there's sometimes that there's some fun around it when the group brings you in as their adopted, you know.

Yeah. Yeah. And like you said, you can make friends that you never thought you would have made. Right. Like, and my mom, I was raised by a lady who talks to strangers. I talk to strangers. We're in line at the grocery store. I'm going to crack a joke at you or say hi or something, or comment on something in your basket, because that's just who I am. But that's different than putting yourself out there in the way this group made me. This made me grow in a different direction and I really enjoyed that.

So. Good. Well, do you have any, any social media where people can follow along with your adventures or anything online?

I don't think I'm that interesting, I guess. My dogs are on Instagram. Onyx and Cole. Okay.

They are at Onyx and Cole. Those are my puppies. And they're the most interesting thing about me, if you ask me, because they're adorable. But other than that, no, I'm just a normal. Whatever. I don't think I'm too exciting and I think people would be bored with me.

Well, I have a feeling after you listen back to this episode, you will potentially open your mind on that. Although I'm sure Onyx and Cole are amazing. But I think. I think you'll hear a difference of opinion when you listen back to this.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah, it's been incredible having you in the group. And thank you and congratulations for completing the challenge and also signing up for the book club. I know just the contribution that you make into the community is. Is really incredible. And. Yeah. I just wanted you to know how much I. I appreciate you.

Thank you. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you that you just put all this together, that you administer it and you're involved and you're a cheerleader. Like, you do it all. And part of what makes it such a great group is because you're upfront and honest with your experiences and feelings, and that's inspirational. And I just, I can't imagine all the time this takes and, Or, And I assume, like, I don't hear any ads. I don't think you're getting paid, lady. And this. You are doing such a service for humankind and I'm just so grateful for you. You really you falling into my life was a huge blessing.

Thank you.

Thanks for listening to the do the Thing podcast. We hope you enjoyed the show. But even more, we hope you'll be inspired to do the Thing. Do you have a burning question on Doing the Thing that you'd like answered? How about an inspiring do the Thing story of your own that you'd like to share? We'd love to hear all about it. Just leave us a voice message at dothething callcat or email us at hello, do the Thing podcast dot com.