Episode 166 - Discover What Drove Stacey To Start Another Podcast, And Meet Dr. Nancy De Andrade

Hey, everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing dating experiment. This is your host, Stacy Lauren. Okay, guys. Well, today I brought on a super special guest who is an expert, one of the regular experts for the do the Thing podcast and do the Thing challenges. And she is immensely helpful in helping people do the thing, but not only doing the thing, but doing it out of alignment for what's true for them. And so she's also been helping me with the singles community that I run on do the Thing, and that's why I wanted her to come on this podcast, so we could talk about the podcast in general and what it will do for people that are going to be a guest on the podcast, so they're able to open themselves up in a different way and even setting the intention of who they want to meet and want in their life. And so I thought this would be fun. She's always fun to talk to. We always are able to get into conversations that I don't even expect when we start. And so it was just an impromptu, hey, you want to come talk about this new podcast I'm doing? And she said yes. So Here she is, Dr. Nancy DeAndrade. Hi, Dr. Nancy.

I'll say yes to anything you put out there, honestly. And I think the listener should say yes to when. When Stacy invites you to do something, say yes. You have no idea how much she has changed people's lives. I'm in awe of you, Stacy, of how much it changed people's lives and the people that have said yes. So that would be the first step. Say yes. Say yes.

That is awesome. And then for the listeners that haven't heard you before, will you share a little bit about you too, just so they have some background?

Yeah, yeah, I. You probably will hear an accent. I'm from Venezuela, and I was raised in. In a very spiritual way. Venezuela is pretty spiritual, but my parents were also very involved in spirituality and healing and energy and all of that. So my. My whole upbringing was about spirituality, energy, psychology, and so on. And when I moved to the States, I. I went to school here, and I did my Bachelor's, Master's, and PhD in Clinical Psychology, and I practiced psychology for, I want to say, maybe like, 12 years. I retired as a psychologist. I'm no longer practicing psychology, but I am doing more like individual coaching for people in some groups and some education. I teach at National University as well, some classes in psychology, and I'm launching different programs to help people tune in into that energy that aligns with who they are and attract the person the Business, the opportunities that match with the authentic energy that they. They have. So I do work with individual people, just a few selected people that I work with. And yeah, so I'm here sharing the knowledge and experience and my love to everybody and my energy so you guys can elevate. Let's do this.

Yeah. And I think that's the biggest thing that I really.

It.

This just drives me from such a power place, is wanting people to come up who they are, show that come up from the who they are inside of them. So then when they're attracting someone, they're attracting someone at that level, not someone with the mask on or with. With who someone's expecting them to be.

Yeah, exactly. I have seen so many people put up a show, honestly, in order to attract. And we're not peacocks. We don't need to, like, put our feathers out and like, try to show, you know, whoever we can be authentic. And in that authentic relating like Kate Middleton talks about, I think it's where you find true connection. It's not about the way you look or the words you say to impress someone else, is when you are vibrating uniquely to you and to your authentic, amazing person that you are. That's when you connect to another person. But we form so many barriers. We form so many beliefs that sometimes detract people from reaching to us. Sometimes we have beliefs like, oh, there's no good people in this world, or I'm happy this way. When in reality, if you really tune in authentically into your energy, what you're desiring might be different. I think what's important is when you show up naturally in the wild, people have an opportunity to really see you. Not the mask, like you were saying, but really see you and love what you love and just admire you for those passions and those things that you're just naturally attracted to and you become attractive as well. Yeah.

And I think that's actually what's so exciting to me about this new podcast, is because that's what we're designed right now, is to see the show. Right. With the dating apps the way those are. I mean, that's just a window shopping kind of a thing that people have now been conditioned. If they're on there, I mean, I'm not sure exactly how long, but I would say more than six months. They're serial daters. That's what they've been conditioned to do. And even though they want to meet someone, it's really hard to get out of that trap because everyone's a serial dater. You know, or you're meeting someone out in the wild, but there's only so much you can see from a person when you just meet them. I went to a party the other day and I'm seeing all these amazing women that I know that are single. And then I'm seeing these guys that I know that are single, but they can't match up in the way that you know that they can because it's still. That there's still this superficial layer, whether it be protection or just maybe they're. Maybe they're an introvert and they don't know how to connect in that kind of an environment. And so anyway, so that was another reason why I was excited about this is because through an interview and being able to get to know someone in a unique way and get the gold out from inside of them so other people can see it, maybe someone could meet them and not prejudge. Because sometimes we're like, who is this person? Are they catfishing is the term now, to already hear that person and to. So now I'm talking about the listener. Someone listening to this person. They won't have that preconceived judgment of who that person is already.

Totally. And what I love about this podcast is that this is specifically for single people. So it's not like you are just a professional talking on a social media platform and you have to guess if that person is single or not, if it's looking or not or whatever. This is very clear. This is single people. And so what that means is that if I'm going to be speaking on this platform, I am letting people know, hey, I'm available and I want to show the true person that I am. Because what happens very often is either on apps or in the wild, most people don't reach out to another person because of that fear of rejection. Or like, oh, sorry, you're with someone I didn't know. How do you. How would you know? It's not like there's a sign that says, here, I'm single, I'm taken. So a lot of people are perpetuating that fear of rejection by the way that they treat another person like, ah, don't talk to me, or being rejected over and over and over. That makes it very difficult for someone to approach. And I love the dares because it allows an equal opportunity where a man can approach as well as a woman can approach. It's not just the man's responsibility. A woman can also say, hey, what's your name? Or whatever. However, pickup line you want to use. I think this is a great place to, to start to tell the world I'm available. This is who I am authentically. Let me see if this resonates with you and if it resonates with you, let's chat, let's talk. And I love what you were saying, the catfish, because the truth is, is that when you look at an app and so many people are swiping on the app or whatever, they go and meet that person, they're like, wait, you don't look that like the picture? No, of course, because I had like 20 pounds of makeup and also face tuned it or whatever. I photoshopped it and, and I, I'm, I'm not showing authentically because you're not going to swipe on me if I show you how I really look. Because it's based on the look and not in the personality. And so I love the approach of showing your personality. I have been with men that perhaps they're not the most good looking person in the world, but their personality is like, wow, this is so cool. I love, love, love this. And that's the connection that we want to look into. As we age, we're not going to look as beautiful as before or handsome or whatever. We're going to start unfortunately deteriorating or fortunately, and what's going to stay underneath is this personality that we're uncovering, this authentic self. That's what we're uncovering.

Yeah. And that's what I'm so excited about. Because I think what we could get in the habit of doing, there's so many serial daters now, because that's what we're being conditioned to do with dating apps. Right. And so I've seen it over and over again where people are like, well, what's wrong with me? They're having that statement come up a lot. And that's why in this last challenge, one of the dares was say what's right about you, what's right with you. So then you're able to like, don't get discouraged, be encouraged by whatever's happening. And so I just am really looking forward to this just being a whole new way that people can meet each other.

Yes. I love that. And what the podcast provides is an opportunity to maybe even ask questions, to even participate in the podcast and letting the world know. My gift at a long time ago, I was thinking about creating a whole kind of like a conference where people could show their skill and talk about what they're passionate about. Because when you are in that state, you become so attractive. When you're in a place where you know your craft and you're so good at it and you're just passionate about something that is a true you, that's attractive. And so I think that the podcast is providing that opportunity to speak about something that you are passionate about. And people see instead of seeing, like, oh, my gosh, I'm so nervous, you know, that I wear the right cologne or that I should I not have work alone, that I put enough makeup on or non makeup, or did I put deodorant on? Whatever. Did I say the right thing? So much that they have to think about that it just ruins the connection in this situation. They're just like, this is me. This is what I love. This is who I am. This. And that's gonna send up electrical currents of vibration to those people that are like, I like this. This connects with me. Getting all excited about it.

Yeah, no, it's amazing. And it also made me think, and I mentioned it earlier too. It's the people that maybe are introverted and they're just not as comfortable being with people when they're out in the wild and you're missing this whole person. Right. Or someone may not have the perfect. Now we go to the dating app, the perfect filters that someone might be looking for, and then you're swiping left on this person that could be perfect for you. So it's that idea of just revealing the person at their core and who they are and what they believe in and what you said, what they're passionate about and having that light shine.

Yeah. It's so interesting. I've heard so many people that said, oh, he just said, hi, how's your day? How dare he just say that? He just said, hi, how's your date? I'm not gonna talk to someone like that. And blah, blah, blah. I'm like, why are you closing the doors on someone just so quickly without even really giving a chance? That person doesn't even know what's gonna tickle your fancy. They don't know what. What the right word to get you in is. And so that right there doesn't allow the opportunity to really get to know that person. Perhaps that person was so nervous and it was like, let me take this. And so when you hear someone in a podcast like this, you bypass all that initial courtship and you get to the root of that person and you can decide, wow, okay, cool. Now I. I can hear the. The values of this person. I can hear the core of who this person is. If that Person shows up and is saying, like, hi, how are you? It's okay, because I know who this person is, you know? Yeah.

You don't have that preconceived judgment of who they are. You already have an idea of who they are from being. Being able to hear it. Hear them first.

Exactly. Yeah. Give them an opportunity.

Yeah. And it brings down the wall. So then you're. You're able to open your mind up more to when things happen.

Yeah.

Yeah. And now let's talk about the person that's being interviewed, because I feel like there's so many benefits for this person. You know, not only will someone get to hear who they are and then maybe reach out to them, but for me, even if that didn't happen, I feel like the win is just them taking the time to really think about what they're looking for in a partner.

Yeah. I think that in our mind, we carry a lot of. I call it like, little clouds of thoughts that we not always put into paper or speak it out. And when they're floating around, there's so much that there's no clarity as to what you want to create for you. It's kind of like if you're an entrepreneur and you have a million of ideas, but you don't pick one and execute on one, then you just stay in that floating state. And the same with, I think, dating, where you have sort of an idea of what you want. I think the person being interviewed can get an opportunity to be asked very specific questions about what is it that they're looking for, or what have they tried, or what is their vision for themselves? And it brings. It grounds those clouds down. It grounds into clarity and sort of sends it out to the universe to say, this is what I'm looking for, and this is what I'm. I'm clear that I want in my life. And perhaps maybe they are not clear, but this is a seed. This is something that can sprout conversation and can start helping them figure things out.

You're making me think, because I just interviewed Pamela Nichols, who's actually someone that's going to be helping me run the do the Thing start a book challenge. And I just interviewed her for the do the Thing dating experiment, and she had a vision board for her life. So she showed me that in the interview. And she also had the vision board for her person. And I was just thinking, even for her, someone that's already thought out a lot of this stuff, and she's done a lot of work. I think her being able to activate her voice then through a medium like this. And just being able to speak to it with someone is great. And then it's also good for other people to see things that you could do. Maybe someone will see her vision board or see the. The one that she did for the partner, and they might do that. But I think even someone like her, as you're talking, I'm like, yeah, even her. I think she got something from it because she's able to speak to what she really wants now.

And not only that, I think it also helps the people that are listening to see, wait, oh, maybe I was expecting that they wanted this, but actually what they want is that, oh, I see. It's different. And it's sort of like. It gives it a lot more clarity as to what the speaker is saying and what the receiver is receiving as well, if that makes sense. I have heard some guys say, oh, women just want your money, and that's it. And when they hear women speaking, what I want from a guy is emotional intelligence or whatever, then it's like, oh, wait, I thought they just wanted my money. I guess I'm looking at the wrong person. So it gives them an opportunity to clarify things. And I love the fact of doing a vision board or even a list that you create of your ideal person. There is biological research that talks about our attraction to certain DNA that we can't deny and so honoring that about us. I think it's important versus feeling guilty. Like, oh, you know, I don't want to reject people. More like, this is my desire. I'm open for this and I'm clear. And so it's okay. I'm not going to pretend. I'm not going to fake it. This is what I love. This is what I want. So, yeah, I said a lot.

Yeah, no, it's good. And you're reminding me. So. One of the things I didn't even realize as a connection point for why this is so important for me is as I'm moving and creating this podcast and I did my first episode, I'm like, wait a minute, I've actually done this before. I owned a staffing company for 20 years. Years. And I hired thousands of people and reviewed thousands of resume. More than that crazy town. Think about someone looking for a job, right? They have to do some work before they look for the job. What kind of job do I want? What kind of values are important to me? And then they have to then put that into a resume, and then someone's interviewing them to find out deeper. And that's something that was really important to me. Always when I would hire someone, I could never hire someone just straight from the resume or even say no. I always had to talk to them. So I think now, in the culture we have now with dating apps, they're expecting us to have to look at this resume. Or now I think some dating apps are doing video. But again, it's like what you said. It's the peacock, it's the show. Because you're just showing this one side of you. You're not showing all sides. You're showing the side that you think people want to see. I think that's the difference, not who you really are. So, yeah, that's just what it's making me think is why would we do it any different when we're looking for our partner?

Yeah. And it's heading that way. Even in interviews, they are asking the interviewers to do a video. Especially because of COVID people couldn't show up in person to interview. So they did a lot of record me, Record for me an interview about who you are, what you're looking for. And dating apps are also saying, okay, let's head that way. But it is like what you're saying. I'm just going to tell all of this possible opportunities how great I am. Yay, look at my feathers. And the podcast is so different because it's saying, this is who I am and I don't have to impress you because I'm good. I'm okay. I'm me. I want that match. I don't want everybody. I just want that match.

Totally.

That match is hearing me. It will hear it in my voice that I'm being genuine. And this is me. Feathers or not feathers, that's who I am.

And I mean, we mentioned the spiritual thing in the beginning, but you're also, regardless of the podcast, you're calling it out to the universe. Right. Since you're speaking it out loud and what you want.

Yeah. And the truth is that the podcast can be heard by someone in Switzerland, and you might find your match all the way over there, where the dating apps is just your local thing. And you're like, okay, I'm going to just see you. Do you live a little further than 50 miles? No. So it's very limiting. And like, you're saying, there's a pool of repeating revolving doors that keep opening up and closing, so it really opens up the chances to find your match in so many different areas and places that you can imagine. So what a great idea, Stacy. Like, really what do you think would.

Be something good before they come on the podcast? Or let's say I can't interview everyone and they want to do an exercise for themselves on figuring out who that partner is. What would be some good things for them to do, prior thinking of even the job? Right. When you're looking for a job, you're going through an exercise in that way, and now you're looking for a partner.

Yeah. I would ask myself, what do I want to feel when I'm with that person? Because you might think, oh, I want someone cool. It's an outdoorsy person, and that's totally fine. But why do you want someone who's outdoorsy? Well, I want someone that I can go to places with, that I can hike with. Why is that important? So keep asking why until you get to the feeling. And the feeling is, I love nature and I love taking care of my body, and I love feeling connected and feeling in tune with nature. So let's say that's your example. So when you can focus on that feeling, the way that it comes, it doesn't matter, because perhaps it's not someone who's outdoorsy, but perhaps it's someone who does work with recycling and reusing or whatever. Right. When you only focus on. On the feeling, you don't close yourself to how the universe is going to show you than what you want to feel. So make a list of how you want to feel and keep digging until you get to your why. Why do you want to feel that and get to that bottom emotion.

Yeah, this makes me think too. It's opening you up to not being so rigid. You know, when people have the checking the boxes kind of thing. Like, I'm even thinking about when I met my boyfriend. He originally, he was healthy. He wants to be healthy. That's one of his values. But he wasn't into biking and he did some hiking. But as much as I do it never went on a kayak. And then through our time together, now he's doing all of that, and he loves it. He even does it when we're not together. So he's not just doing it for me. He actually enjoys it. And his value was being healthy. So I was. If I was rigid and I was like, oh, I will only be with someone that is riding a bike or that hikes or that likes kayaking in the water, I would have said goodbye. Because I see a lot of people do that. If they are missing something that they really like to do, they'll. They'll call it out. And so that's why I think this is also really important. It could get you to flex your mind versus just saying goodbye and going into that serial dating kind of thing.

I like, I like that. I like the using of your values. Maybe what you can do is do your test, your values test where you figure out what are your values to the core of it. So for example, you can say, oh, I value honesty. Why is that important? Because if someone is preparing a surprise party for you and lies about where they're at, is that dishonesty? What is really what you mean by that? And so getting to the core of it and the core of your values, I think it will be important for you to know or at least to put out there your non negotiables. Also the non negotiables. You also have to ask yourself why everything is like, why? Get to the root of everything. Get to your whys.

Yeah, I like that because we did that in one of the challenges where it was what are your non negotiables? You only get to keep one because we wanted them to open their mind up because you just don't know who that person is. And we're so quick to judge because of protection or past experiences that it's hard to. To open that up.

Yeah. The hard part is that we get so used to being the way that we are that we're not willing to compromise. And I think that putting yourself out there, even through a podcast, is. It's a really good way to shift in your mentality and opening yourself up, sort of like stretching out of your comfort zone. So being willing to do that, I think it will be important for you to. To think about pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone.

And what do you think about from the intention setting of just putting out who you want into the world? Because I know we've talked about this before where you. I'd love to speak about this here. It's like having no attachment to an outcome. I'm putting this out there. This is what I want. This is who I'm looking for. This is what I want to do with the person. This is how I want to feel. Then there's no attachment to the outcome and the universe. I think you say it where the universe is going to work its magic and do its thing. I'd love to have you speak to that because I think that's so powerful. And that's another thing that I think a lot of people need help with because they have these specific things in mind. And like I said, the layers of protection are always a thing for people. And so being able to release all of that and just let the universe do its magic is something I'm hoping this podcast will do too.

Yeah, you said it so beautifully. I don't need to add to that.

Yes, you do.

What I would say is, instead of saying, I want this person to bring this to me is more like, I am this person that has all of this to share it with someone. And so I want to feel a door. Why do I want to feel a door? Because when I'm feeling adore, I feel like there's magic. I feel excited about things. I feel like I can conquer the world. Don't necessarily say, I want someone to adore me. I want this feeling. And what I would say also is start feeling that way first. Start adoring yourself first. Start giving to yourself all of those things that you want someone else to give to you. If you want someone to respect you, are you respecting yourself? Are you respecting your time? Are you respecting your boundaries? Are you respecting your food? All of that. If you want someone to give you company, are you providing company for someone else? Are you being of service? Are you sitting with your own feelings and your own emotions, giving yourself company? Are you doing the things that you want someone else to give to you, are you giving out to yourself? And when you check all that, yes, I am. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Then that energy has to match with someone that has that kind of energy. For example, you were saying, I attracted someone who's healthy. Why? Because your energy is of health too. If you were unhealthy and you were not taking care of yourself, that would not be sustainable for sure. And so you being in that alignment and nourishing yourself is the only way to really attract that person that matches that energy for yourself. So, yeah, so what you say is, I want someone that matches my energy. So you're being a bitch. Sorry. Then guess what? You know.

Yeah.

Being rude or limited or too restrictive or whatever, that's the energy you're gonna. You're gonna get back. So I love it.

What would be a good daily practice for people to be in while they're single and looking for someone but wanting to be at the best version of themselves. Do you have a good takeaway for that?

Yeah. Get to know yourself. If you don't know yourself, then you can't expect someone else to be able to take care of your needs. So, for example, if you know yourself, if you know that you are an anxious person or an Avoidant person. Then you can communicate that to the person and say, hey, listen, sometimes I get overwhelmed and I tend to check out and I want to run when I'm in a tough conversation. So if you see me looking away or whatever, please don't take it personally. I'm just trying to regulate myself. If you don't know yourself, if you don't know that about you, then forget it. You can't teach another person to love you the way that you want to be loved. So getting to know yourself is the most important thing. And the only way that you know yourself is by being present with yourself from the food that you eat. How did that taste in my mouth? How did that stay in my stomach? Did that feel good or not good? How did that cup of tea or coffee make me feel throughout the day? That being present with you is really getting to know yourself. And what's beneficial to you or not is loving you yourself before anyone loves you. Loving yourself first, putting yourself first, I love that.

And this might be a whole separate episode, but I'm going to ask it because it's feeling alive for me. What do you think is stopping people from getting the relationship they want?

We have preconceived notions as to what a relationship should be like and what we depends actually on your generation. But if you look at the, the Gen Zs and the, the young generation, they don't want to get married. They don't want to be with just one person. They want to be fluid. They want to explore and not be tied down to something. They just want to have fun and enjoy. And the generation before, it's thinking, the millennials or whatever are thinking, well, I want to find the love of my life and live with this person for the rest of my life and marry and be happy and have the dog, the picket fence, and blah, blah, blah, blah, lot, right? So there is a perception of how things should be. And when we were trapped on the shoulds, we should have all over ourselves. When we're trapped in that, then we're not seeing the possibilities. And the possibilities are that you can have it all, you can be happy having it all. So perhaps you're the type of person who's like, I'm really busy. I, I don't want to have someone living with me. I want to see this person and enjoy and whatever. But you live in your place, I live in mine, and that's cool. But society doesn't say that that's cool, right? There are some people that are like, I don't Want to just see you. I want to see other people. That's fine. Or there are some people that are like, I want to live with you. Maybe not marry, but let's live together or maybe let's get married, whatever. What I'm trying to say is that we put so many limitations of how things should be. This person should talk to me like that. This person should operate like this, should look like that. Should, should, should, should, should. And I think that we put that limitations on ourselves as well. I should be this person. I should be younger, I should be taller. I should be whatever I should be. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. In all of those shoots are creating a whole brick wall around you and not letting you even take a step because you're not enough or you're whatever. So breaking through the wall is breaking through the should. Forget the should. I'm going to do it. Even. Even if I. If I fall, I'm going to try it out. I'm going to give it a second chance or whatever. Moving out of your comfort zone. Don't stay in that little wall, you know, get out of your comfort zone and try different things and see what really makes you feel joyful, not what the brain or society says you should do or be or have.

And what would you say to someone that has built up those layers of protection from being hurt and really is focusing on themselves? And they've been focusing on themselves for a while and they're just listening maybe to this podcast and they want to put a toe in, so they're listening. So. So congratulate them on that first step. But they're like, I need to do more work or whatever it is that whatever. Insert reason why they're not ready yet to. To go out there. What would you say to that person?

Their struggle and fear is very real, and we gotten hurt every single human being. If you tell me one person that has not gotten hurt, I will be like, that's not a person. That's not real. That everybody has gone through struggles and pain and rejection and a lot of stuff. But if you're desiring something and you're not moving towards that because of your past, then you're not living your life. You're living your past. You're stuck in your past now. It is scary because there's a lot of things that are gonna trigger the past experiences. So what I would say to those people is heal that in whatever way, either by talking to someone or by breath work or retreats or whatever you need to do. Heal that because you need to start living your life right now, today. Your life is waiting for you and your past is holding you. So when you notice that you are hesitant or that you're afraid that you're going to get cheated on, that you're going to get abused, that you're going to have whatever, notice that you're living in the past and bring yourself to your breath and bring yourself to the woman, the man that you are today. You are this adult. You're not this person five years ago, ten years ago, even a year ago. You are this person today. So as the person, the adult that you are today, how are you going to act? How are you going to react? What opportunities are going to open? If you look at it as in business, oh, my business failed, never mind, I'm never going to open another business again. That makes no sense, right? You learn from that experience. You're like, okay, I should have done a contract, I should have done this. Okay, now I know. And you try it again and another business fails. And that is part of life. Failing is part of life. What did you learn from each experience that makes you so much better here now? So the same with relationships. What did you learn from each relationship about yourself? It's not of like, oh, I can't trust women or I can't trust men. That's not what you learn. What did you learn about you and take those lessons and become the better version that you want to be? And so by listening to this podcast, you are taking that first step and you're starting to put that, those seeds in your mind that said, how am I stuck in my past and how have I not been healing my past? And what can I learn from each experience? So I know that my next experience is not gonna be like that. So taking those steps, those cognitive shifts, I think is the most important step that you can take.

And when do you think someone is ready? Cause there's some people that will say they're not ready yet because they wanna. They're stuck in that healing, which I think healing is great. But then at some point, it's great to still extend yourself even while you're healing. And I was just curious what you think about that.

There is a time when you do need to grieve, because sometimes we jump into another relationship to sort of ignore the pain that we've had. So giving yourself time to grieve, to process, to mourn or experience the emotion, I think is important. But there's people that are so afraid of moving towards something that they say to Themselves, I'm not ready. But it's mostly fear. Fear of getting into pain again, fear of being rejected, Fear of the same thing happening. If it's fear that is stopping you, then do it afraid. If it's pain that you're still mourning, then process that. Allow that to complete its cycle. But don't let fear stop you. Do it afraid.

Could you put a date on it? Could you say, okay, I'm going to give it this amount of time and then check in with myself again? Is that a good strategy?

The time is not the same for everyone. It's not the same for circumstances. For someone who, let's say, was in a relationship, married, whatever, for 20 something years, there is history that the brain has categorized or cataloged that now all of that life is shifting and nothing is the same. Nothing absolutely is the same. So it takes a brain a little bit of time to re catalog life and to get used to not being in the same house, not being with that person, not doing the same things at the same time. So depending on what's been happening in their lives, the shift might take a while. Depending on the pain that the person experienced as well, it might take a while. So there's really no timing when you know, is when you feel like I'm afraid of getting hurt, but I want a shift in my life. I'm used to that. This is good, okay? I mean, meaning, this is good, meaning my spouse died and I love my spouse, but I think I can move on now. Then, then that's the time or I am not thinking as much as about this person or this life. Okay? I think this is the time. And the truth is, is that I encourage people to go and test, test out. Go test your skills, go test your abilities to connect with another person. Go test and see. Wait, I thought I wanted that, but never mind, I changed my mind. I do want that and get more and more clear. It's like in business they say put all the. Throw the spaghetti on the wall and see which one sticks. So it's like that. Test a few things and see where you are at. And how have you changed? That has changed the way you perceive life as, well, you know.

Yeah. You're making me think. When I got divorced, I was never I. In my mind I was like, I'm never gonna get another relationship. I wasn't even interested at all remotely. And then it wasn't until a few years later a friend, a good friend of mine had forced me to read this book and it talked about dating and using Date. It didn't say dating as a playground, but that's the way I've integrated it. It's making it more fun and almost flexing the muscle of just having fun with it and an attachment to an outcome. And so then I converted that to dating as a playground because there's no risk, like you said, you're just learning to connect with another. And then it turned into, oh, who am I actually? Who would I be interested in? And taking qualities of different people that I was meeting and then being able to even know what I wanted. And so it's just not having an attachment to an outcome. And so I think it's with doing the thing, though, going back to do the thing. It's like with movement when you're stuck. And I agree there is a time healing is necessary, but then once you feel a little ready and you want to just dip your foot just a tiny bit, then once you do that, then the decision from there makes sense, and you'll know what the next step is. It's either bring it back or keep moving forward. And that's what the momentum starts. And that's when you really are able to grow to another level.

Love, love, love that so much. I'm like.

Wow, that was really good. And you were a part of that whole thing. I mean, you were right there with me, which was amazing, as I was coming into just everything with all of it and helping. It's almost like you're becoming. You're free. You're the fullest expression of who you are because you're no longer a we person and what you expected your life to be. All of that has gone. So now it's like, who do I really want to be? And then just finding the. The fun and the glory. I don't know. I don't ever use that word. But it's coming up right now. The glory of what makes you feel the most alive.

And I love the. The dating as your playground because it takes the expectation out, and I love that, too. Not being attached to what it should look like or what it would be like, but just allowing it to be what it is. Love that. Love that. Love that. Love that.

Well, do you have advice on one question that I should ask everyone when they come on the podcast? Do you think there's something that would really help me uncover the person at their. Their truest self? And if. If there's something more than one, that's fine to. To come across. I was just curious.

Let me tune in real quick and see. I would Say, how do you see yourself? And how do you think people see you? Because as I'm imagining someone in front of you trying to answer your questions and everything, they have an image of themselves that they don't know how to translate into pictures or the right sentences in an app that perhaps they never have an opportunity to say to another human being. I. I see myself as a very generous person with my time, with my energy. I love plans. And so, given that little vulnerability, it's. I think it's a good start to get people to open up a little bit.

I like it. And what would you say to someone that's thinking of coming on the podcast and wants to be interviewed?

I would say step up, do it. That is moving away from the way the world does things and into your own uniqueness and letting the world see that uniqueness, allowing yourself to show up to the world in the most authentic, magical way that you can be and release your expectations. Because the truth is not that you're going to come into this podcast to spread your feathers. It's not about that. It's about being seen. Being seen by yourself and being seen by the world. So many people just want that to be seen. And if that's all you get from this interview, you have gained so much already.

Yeah. And you're making me think, too. It's starting that momentum, right, of doing the thing, going after the thing that you want, and these little steps, like saying yes to a podcast and then saying yes to this event and then saying yes to your friend that's having a party and then saying yes to this, and it could be even a micro step, even smaller, maybe saying yes to one of the challenges. I don't know if that's a micro step, but anyway, there's all these different steps, and it's like you keep moving in the direction of something you want versus just sitting on the couch and watching a show. It elevates you in another way.

Yeah, totally. Gets you out of your comfort zone. And it says, okay, I am I really want in this, or am I fooling myself? Let's go. Let's show up. Let's show up. Think of it as if your ideal person was in front of you. Would you show up for them? So show them that you can show up for them, that you can show up for yourself first. Show up for yourself first.

Love it. Thank you so much for coming on. I really appreciate it.

I love talking to you. Are you kidding me?

This is amazing.

I love what you bring into the world, and I See the effects of your work on people. I'm so impressed with you. I'm so happy that you're doing this.

Thank you. And you made me think we should probably just share what the challenges are. So I don't think I've said that yet. On the podcast. What are the do the thing challenges in your mind? What do you see from the different ones we've done? Dating dare challenge. We did a find your voice. We're about to do a start a book. We're going to do a start a podcast. And I had an epiphany today where I realized they're all connected together. It's all about helping people free their inner voice and really discover who they are. And it's what you said. They help them uncover who they are at their core and learn about themselves. So when they're in relationship, they're coming at the fullest version. Maybe I just said what they are, but anyway, that's what it is. I just said it. But I'd love to hear if you have anything to add, because we had the dare component too, in the community and everything too. That was hilarious.

That's a. I got nothing else to say. Oh, this is.

That was awesome.

Yeah. The dares make it fun and make it like, oh, it's a game. But it also helps you flex the muscle a little bit and get out of that fear mode. You cannot be afraid and laugh at the same time. There's two different systems in the brain that. That operate and you. You have to shut off. You have to be serious. If you're being chased by a cat, you can't be like, a lion is chasing me. So when you shift, it's a neuro linguistic programming, actually, that you're doing when you're daring and you're making it fun, you are shifting the fears that you're having into something fun. And you are recalibrating your brain into seeing things as not as scary as they used to be. So, yeah, really cool stuff.

Yeah. And with you saying flex the muscle, every time you do something new, you're flexing the muscle to do something new. I realized that even with this podcast, which is new, and the coolest thing for me with this podcast is that it could be the biggest thing I've ever done in my life, or it could be something I stop after 10 episodes and it's exciting that I don't know where it's going to go.

Yeah, it's. It's sort of like you are clear that this is what you want to do, but you let go of expectations of how it should go. So that's a differentiation that I want, I want people to hear because it's not about, oh, I don't know, I'm just gonna start this and we'll see or whatever. I don't care where it goes. No, you're very, very clear. I'm going to do 10. And if it goes this way, awesome. If it goes this way, awesome too. But this is my commitment, this is my goal. Setting that goal in mind and then releasing expectations. I think that's brilliant.

Well, please share with everyone where they can learn about you and also with your programs you have going on too.

Yeah, I'm on social media at Dr. NancyDandrade and you can also email me if you have questions or anything. Info nancydeandrade.com and yeah, I'm developing a few programs, Align magnetism, where people can align themselves to attract that ideal person that they desire. So there's a few partnerships that I'm building and coordinating with and so I'm excited about. These things are coming up.

So, yeah, check her website because we'll. She'll have all the information on there. So thank you so much. It was absolutely a joy to have you.

Thank you. I love being in this place with you. Love it. Love it. Thank you for having me.

Thanks for joining the do the Thing dating experiments.