Episode 183 - Alysia Quinones On How To Unleash Your Inner Rockstar Despite Roadblocks And Criticism

Hey, everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacy Lauren. Okay, well, my adventures continue, and I just absolutely love doing new fun things because that's how I get to meet really cool, interesting, and intriguing people. And my next guest is someone that I actually got to see perform at the Hard Rock in New York when I went to New York recently. And that trip I'm going to tell you guys about in a whole separate podcast. But in the meantime, the reason why I wanted to bring this next guest on is because she's in a band called Love Honey, and they were performing at the Hard Rock Hotel in New York. And I got to see her move on the stage in a way that was completely full and embodied with who she was as a person. And this is something I've been really exploring with do the Thing. And helping people do is really helping them discover themselves and be who they are authentically. And just the way that she is, the way she sings, the way her band is there and she's supporting them and encouraging them as this whole experience unfolds is really a beautiful thing to see. And you could just see from her heart when she's on the stage and how she's able to just rapture everyone in to her world. And so with the encouragement of the band around her. So there was something about that enveloping of everything around her is what really got me excited. So anyway, reached out to her and she agreed to be on the do the Thing podcast because I say she's ultimately doing the thing. It's an unbelievable thing to witness. So I'm so excited to welcome Allie to the show. Hey, Allie.

Hey, Stacy. That was beautiful.

Yeah, it was so fun. And then you were so. I forgot to mention this. It was so fun. You shouted out me and my daughter as we walked in, which was really cool.

You guys looked like you were having such a good time. So.

Yeah.

While having a good time helps me have a good time, too.

That's good. Yeah. I'd love to just kind of hear more about you, if you don't mind, to share your story and then we can get into how you even got into Love Honey.

I grew up in New York City. I first lived in East New York and then moved to Queens. We moved around a lot.

Until I was like a teenager. I've been singing since I was a kid. Always wanted to be a singer. Didn't know what kind of music really resonated with me again. And my parents would listen to for the most part. I had like a New York upbringing with music. My mom played a lot of freestyle music, a lot of Spanish music. My dad played a lot of reggae, but he was also into rock music. He loves Aerosmith. And I don't know if you want to consider Phil Collins rock, but I do.

But I used to write a lot of poetry. I loved poetry in school. The principal used to come out on, like, one day a week and read a poem from Shel Silverstein. I hope I'm saying the right author's name, to be honest with you.

Yeah. So I was really into poetry. I loved writing, I loved singing. Mariah Carey obviously, was the first to make me want to do it. My parents used to have me perform in front of people when they would come over. Embarrassing, but I guess it helped me later.

Yeah, I got pregnant in high school and had my son. And I kind of put the music dreams in the back burner because I didn't think that that was something I could do.

So I guess I just let some years pass. I was just working, just living my life. And then there was a point in my life where I was surrounded by a lot of musicians and people performing. And I had started going out to shows and stuff, and I was just.

I don't. I don't want to be in the audience. I really don't. I want. I want to do what that guy up there is doing really bad. And someone suggested that I go on Craigslist. And Craigslist has always been a really shady place, but I've always. I went and I. I gave it a shot anyway. That's how I met my guitar player, Tommy.

Wow, that is so cool. I wanted to talk to you about the surrounded by musicians thing. So how did you even get yourself surrounded by musicians during that time?

Dating a musician? So I was just basically going around. Whatever she was doing, I was doing. And I just. Maybe. Maybe I was a little jealous because I was like, I could do that. Like, I could. I could do that.

I could probably do it better.

So when you met your guitar player Tommy on Craigslist, then what happened next?

So we met up at this place called the Sweatshop in Brooklyn, and he. I think he was interviewing there, or he had already started working there or something like that. We met up before his shift and just was playing things that he had been working on. And then I just added something. And I think the first day that we met, we actually wrote two songs. So. And my. My memory is very foggy right now, but I did end up recording one of those songs.

Oh, wow. And he's amazing. I remember you specifically going up to him as he was doing. What do you call it? The riff or whatever.

Yeah, he's great. He's a walking instrument himself. He just doesn't stop if you speak to him every day he's doing something musical, maybe not just guitar. Maybe he's just. He's thrifting for his next. Searching for his next record. He'll find something new in every record that he buys, something inspiring, and I guess it helps him write the music.

That's so cool. And so then how'd you guys meet the other people too? Or did you just both start? Because you wrote those two songs, recorded one, and then did you just. The two of you kind of start and then everyone else came after?

It was like a long way before we actually became Love Honey. We, like, had written some songs. Life got in the way. We lost touch for about a year. And then I wanted to start filming, doing music again. And I was. I kind of was linking up with a friend who. She was in another band, and we were playing around to see what we could do. But I did remember that he had made a song that I really liked. And I wondered if I could get her to play the song. So I contacted him and he was like, yeah, sure, come by the Sweatshop. Whatever, whatever. And I formed this little punk band with my friend and my guitar player, Tommy. At the time, we were just cool. He found this drummer guy to come just play drums with, and that was cool. We looked a little bit dysfunctional. He was very punk, very punk, very cool. The drummer we got looked like a Ken doll. Just very clean cut, very hair, slick back. And then me. And then I was like, this looks crazy.

But at some point, Tommy was like, I really feel like I want to play my song. Like I want to play the song that we made. And then me and Tommy started practicing together, and we realized that, why don't we just actually become a band and figure that out? And so our drummer, Tom, he was living in Florida, I believe, at that point. But he's from New York, he's from Queens. He used to work at the Sweatshop, where Tommy was working, and they friends. And I guess Tom was moving back to New York, and he had been talking to Tommy, and Tommy was letting him know that he found a singer, songwriter, and that we've been working on these songs. And that's how Tom just. Tom just ended up. They had been making plans to make a bang for a long time, I guess, and Then once me and Tommy found each other, I think it all clicked.

So how did you guys get with the name Love Honey? That is the coolest name, by the way.

Tommy was letting me pick out the name, and I was just.

I was just making the weirdest, nastiest sounding name. And then I think. And then Tom just came up with. I don't even know how he came up with Love Honey, but that was my. My drummer, Tom.

Okay, that's. And then once he said it, you're all like, oh, yeah, that's it.

Yeah. Yeah, that's better.

That's better than all these other ones. Yeah, I love that. Okay, I have to ask you, because the thing that I just was blown away by, I mean, not only your voice and the music is so good, but it's the way you were owning the stage. You took up your space, but fully confident, embodied, and just who you are. And it just comes out. And then it comes out with your music. It comes out with everything that you do. And so I'm just wondering, how did that happen? How are you able to do that?

Sometimes I think it's to show myself that I deserve to be up there and also to show gratitude. How could you want something so bad and then get the opportunity to do it and do the bare minimum? I feel very free on stage, maybe more free than I do in real life. I'm a nervous wreck on a sidewalk just walking through people. And I'm really shy, actually, in real life. So being on stage, I do not feel any of those things, actually. And I just feel the music that we play also plays a big part in how I move. I'm just going with the flow. I think we rehearse twice for the show. I just go with whatever's happening, and if it feels good, it feels good. If I look crazy, then that's just what's going to happen. And that's okay because at least it's real. At least it's raw. At least I'm doing exactly what I should be doing.

How does it feel? Because the whole audience was entranced, and my daughter and I were entranced the whole time. It was just such a cool experience. And I'm sure you can feel it. It's this energetic bubble. I feel like we were all. And I'm just curious, how does that feel, knowing that you're doing that for.

People I didn't even know?

And I usually have people tell me really great things, but for the most part, I still always feel like people are looking at me like this girl is so crazy.

But to know that I do that for people makes me feel really good. I think as someone who initially thought that they had stage fright, because before I even performed With Love Honey, for the first time, I thought I had crazy stage fright. We played a Halloween show at a basement party, and I realized that night I'm actually not scared to do this. And I hope that. I think with that kind of energy.

It'S positive and it's inviting, and I think people feel welcome to come and enjoy it.

I'd love to hear the Halloween show. So when you were going to perform there and it was the first time that you were doing it as the band, how did you get yourself through that?

Yeah, I think there's a switch. Maybe. I don't know about the guys, but I think. I think I have, like, Beyonce has Sasha Fierce. I have something else. I'm Alicia off stage. And I'm Ali on stage. Something like that.

Yeah. It's interesting. I actually have a thing too, because I'm trying to get into public speaking, and there's someone helping me, and she's like, just be Podcast Stacy. And I'm like, I don't know how you turn that on when you're not in the podcast, but anyway, it sounds really similar. We're on the podcast. I can ask certain questions, whereas in real life, sometimes it might be harder for me.

Sure, for sure. You also have a certain confidence when you're asking questions and when you're talking. In the beginning of your show, I don't even know how I would do a podcast because I would be terrified just to speak.

Yeah, well, we'll talk about that, because it's timed with my Start a Podcast challenge.

So we're still gonna go there. Actually, why don't we talk about that for a minute? Cause right now I'm about to. I'm starting the Start a Podcast challenge. It starts Monday, and it's very similar to kind of what you did with your music. Right. It's like people are wanting something so bad. They want to inspire people. They want to get their voice heard. They want to be able to open up in a different way. Many of them are introverts. It's funny. One of my slides in the kickoff thing is I speak introvert because I'm an introvert too. And it's like we all have these different lenses that we can put on. And with you, it's when you're on stage. With me, it's when I have the mic. We all have an ability to do things in a different way by being able to put yourself in a situation that is just different. And so with a different lens, I guess, is what I should say. And so some of the people are like, I don't like my voice, or I don't like this, or how do I do this? Or who's gonna listen to me? And I think it's very similar to what you're doing with your music. And it's like you have to overcome that self doubt in that. Whether it's imposter syndrome or whatever those things are that come up that when you're doing something new and scary. And I'm just curious to what you have to say about that, because I feel like you've gone through it and you've reached the other side.

Thank you. I think you really have to believe in what you're doing and you actually have to love what you're doing in order to do it in the first place and do it well. And if you love what you're doing, people, they love niche things. Even if it's a small audience, there's an audience for everything. You have to find your people. And I think as long as you're okay with people also not liking what you're doing, you'll be fine. Because not everyone's gonna like my music. But I'm not making it for them. I'm making it for the people that do wanna listen to the music, are looking for things like this. Even if it's a small group of people, it's still a group of people. I'm still finding people that are gonna enjoy what's going on with what we're doing. I feel very blessed to have these guys in my life. Cause Tommy. Tommy's an amazing guitar player. I didn't know that you could find that on Craigslist.

I know, right?

Tom is an amazing drummer. He's so passionate. He looked like a little kid up there. He had so much fun. And I think that mixed with all of our musical tastes together, that also creates the Love Honey vibe and the sound. And I don't think we're like anybody else. And that is also something that I. That makes me proud of who we are.

I like that you said Love Honey vibe because that's what I felt. I felt like you're engulfed with the whole experience. And it was just really cool. I'd love to go into just even these next steps because I feel like a lot of people might have the idea to, whether it's sing or podcast or whatever. That thing is they want to do and then they're just waiting for people to find them and then nothing happens. So I'm just curious what your next steps were, because I'm imagining you guys have had to hustle to be able to even play at the Hard Rock. What's the next step? So you put the band together and you created a couple songs, you recorded one, and now what did you do?

We've been together almost eight, nine years doing this, and right now we're working on another album which is gonna be completely different from anything we've ever done. More on the psychedelic realm where the past few projects have been very rock based, rock and roll based, classic rock and some R and B stuff. And we are just slowly working our way through whatever we gotta do in the music industry while still maintaining our.

Our sound and our style and who we are as musicians and who we are as artists. Because it's really hard to move through the music industry. It's an interesting place. We have little tastes of things that people have experienced, even our heroes have experienced. And it's funny, you really got to fight to be yourself in an industry that tries to tell you to be yourself, but they don't really want you to be.

I love those words. Fight to be yourself. How do you think you're doing that?

I think we stand firm on who we are as a team, as a group. We love what we do. We know who we are. I'm a writer, and maybe everyone will like my lyrics or maybe something I write won't make sense to you, to them, whoever, right? But this is what I'm doing. I think if I couldn't do music my way or our way, I wouldn't do it at all. There would be no reason for me to do it.

And when you say really getting into who you guys are, how did you guys. How do you think you found that? How do you think you discovered that vibe?

Practicing and vibing. We've spent so much time together. Tommy worked at our rehearsal space for a long time before the pandemic started. But he, you know, we would go hang out in the office and watch music videos all day, listen to, listen to new artists, listen to people that we love, listen to old artists, listen to podcasts, talking about music, arguing with each other over who's the shittiest guitar player, who's the best guitar guitar player. I think spending time with people, developing a friendship, developing your relationships with them, I think that's how you, you become the vibe. And then when we're at practice, we're taking everything that we learn or experience with each other. We take that into the rehearsal space and things just happen. A lot of the times Tommy has his. Some riffs that he's just. He's had in his voice notes for forever and he'll pull them out and at the end of the day, maybe we're coming out of it with three or four songs.

Wow, that is so cool.

It is. I'm lucky.

And so when you guys got your. Was your first gig, the Halloween one?

Yeah, that was our first show.

How did you get that show?

I believe Tommy's then girlfriend, now wife. I think it was her party or one of her friends basement parties for Halloween. It was super fun. I think they had a few bands there. I can't even remember, to be honest.

Yeah. And how have you been getting your shows since then?

Just a lot of emailing venues, contacting places, trying to see what we can do. It's a real hustle out here. A lot of places have closed down. A lot of other places have certain requirements for performers. Like they want you to have a certain status, which I think is super ridiculous. The age of social media has helped a lot of musicians, but it's also. It took the, I think being personable part out of, I guess the industry or the scene or whatever. Because instead of just listening to your music and thinking, oh, this would be a good fit for this place or this band would be a good fit to play at this show with these bands, they. They go online. Just see how many followers you have and your engagement with your followers. And it's just like, I play music. That's not something that I doing.

Exactly.

That's not part of what I want to do. Even if it's something that I. I'm being told I have to do. But again, I'm a musician, I'm an artist. I don't. That's not why. Why is that important?

Yeah.

Do people discover new music if they don't walk into the place and see a different band? Wait.

Yeah. I just recently got into comedy and because I asked myself what would be the thing that would terrify me more than anything a year ago. So I decided to do stand up comedy. And he was talking about. The coach was talking about that too. It's like sometimes it doesn't even matter if you're funny. They want to see your stuff. And that's. That is kind of a crappy part about the way things are now, I.

Guess, but how popular you are.

Yeah. I wonder when you're emailing the venues, that is the ultimate do the thing. Right. Because you're just finding a venue. I'm imagining online, you're reaching out to them. How are you dealing with. Because I'm imagining people say no or they don't answer. How do you deal with that?

We don't do it much anymore. Tommy deals with a lot of the emails and stuff like that. And we've been getting shows through friends. We haven't been performing much lately. We just recently started getting back into it. People saying, no. We're just like, all right, move on to the next thing. And then there's been times where they come back and they're like, hey, are you guys available to do this? And if we're available, we'll do it. If not, and we can't. These venues are. They're struggling. We're struggling trying to keep instruments alive, instrumental music alive. So it's hard on. On all sides.

Yeah. And then how did you get on the Hard Rock? How. How did. Was that through a friend or were you able to reach out to them?

A friend of Tommy's, he recommended us to someone at the Hard Rock Cafe. And I guess they listened to our music and just. Tommy just text. And it's funny because I had planned to take my son there for his birthday already. We were already planning to go there, and then I got a message from Tommy saying that we were going to actually perform there. And I was like, what? I didn't even know they do shows there.

So that was really cool. His friend's name is Kelsky. He's the one that hooked us up with the show.

That's so cool. And so what do you guys have planned for the future? What are your hopes for the band?

Play more music. Hopefully go on tour overseas somewhere and play for a different audience.

Make more music. I think we're still trying to find our way through the music industry and still trying to keep our. Our sound. We're trying to protect our sound. So we're just gonna keep making music and keep working hard and see where that's gonna lead us to. Cause so far, just going with the flow and being persistent and playing shows and making music. We've been able to do a lot of things, and I'm super grateful for that.

What do you think keeps you motivated to be able to do that?

Knowing that I want to do it, I think. And don't tell the guys I said this, but I probably do it for no money sometimes.

Just put me on the stage. There'll be three people there and I'm still dancing around, acting like a fool. I love the music that we make. I love music in general. I watch so many concerts and I've been to so many concerts where I was in the audience just wishing I could be up there. So I think what motivates me is never having a wish I have to be that I could be up there. I'm. I'm there. So. So do what you got to do. Now you're. Yup, there. So your thing.

How do you think you get through the hardest times when you're hearing no or people you know. Yeah, yeah. How do you get through that?

I'm pretty normal. I'm like, you know, I talk my shit behind the scenes.

I'm very, very New York, Very, very Puerto Rican. Of course things upset me and then I just get over it and it's on to the next thing. I try not to dwell on this stuff because I know it's hard. I know there's competition. I know that you're going to get a lot of no's. You just hope for a yes. You just gotta keep doing it. If you love doing it, you just have to just keep doing it beyond the negative stuff, because what else am I going to do?

I have no other interest than to create and make art.

I'd love to hear your advice for people in terms of that owning of your space and taking up that space that you. That you do. How can they sort of get into that embodiment like you do?

This is my personal opinion. I think that you should never ask people their advice on what they think you should be doing. If you've already in your mind made it up and wanted to do it. I think because when I wanted to start a band, people were just like.

You have a kid, what are you going to. What are you going to have time for a band or. I am older now and people think that this is a hobby for me. I'm like, no, this is. You see. So I think when you ask people for advice, I think it could really hinder you or it could really. For some people, they can't handle that kind of thing and it can stop you from doing something great. And I think if you really want to do something, do it. And you can tell people, but just try not to ask for their advice. You will get encouragement from some people, but you might get discouraged from a lot more people. I think following your dreams is one of the hardest things to do.

So, yeah, it reminds me of have you ever been a soul cycle before?

Oh, my gosh, yes.

Yeah. So I thought about Soul Cycle with this asking for advice things. I don't know the owner, but it's such an amazing space. Right. And the bikes are on. And for anyone that doesn't know the bikes, it's basically like spin bikes. And the bikes are on top of each other, not even inches away from each other. And I'm imagining if he had ever asked someone, what do you think of this space? Because it's only a couple hundred square feet or something, it's really small the way the studio is. And if he had asked advice, I would imagine people would say, why are you putting the bikes so close to each other? Why are you going to have the lights out when you're doing a spin cycle class? All these things, the music's going to be too loud, all this stuff, but when you actually go, it's also this metamorphosis and energy, and that's what makes it so powerful. And so. I don't know, that's the picture I have in my head when it's like you say the ask for advice because, I mean, that's why I think that's so successful, is because he just went his own, or he or she. I actually don't know who owns it, but they went their own way.

I think people have a vision, and I think sometimes getting other people's input could taint your vision. Sometimes it can amplify it, but even if it's amplified, it's no longer your vision, it's your vision with the collaboration of someone else's vision.

Yeah.

Even with painting, I'm not the best artist, the best drawer, but I paint within an unconventional, whatever that means way, where I'm just basically like a toddler and I'm just connecting and rounding out and shading things, and it just becomes something. And. And for me, with. Especially with art, I just feel like you just gotta let people do what they want to do and see what happens. If you try to make things too technical, if you're trying to make things too perfect, I think you miss out on something beautiful. You miss out on something that looks magical or that looks like maybe something you've never seen before because you're trying to be too perfect. I think asking for advice sometimes is just trying to get things to be perfect for you. And things won't always work out perfect. Let things get a little bit messy. It's relaxing to be a little bit messy because you made it. This is yours. So, yeah, I would love to hear.

Because what I'm hearing you say is, and I love talking about this on do the thing is not having an attachment to an outcome. And I'd love to hear if you know where that even comes from, how did you get to that place of being able to be there?

I think when I was younger, I was attached to a lot of outcomes for a lot of things in life. And for the most part, things never worked out that way. And I am very sensitive and very emotional. So I had to, like, let myself let things go. I had to teach myself how to just like, all right.

You gotta stop. You have to stop. You can't control anything. So being attached to an outcome for what you have no real control of anything.

Whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen. And I think maybe for some people, it's not like that. But for me, once I've stopped being so I have to be like this. This has to sound like this. This has to be like this. For me, I feel better just letting myself be a little bit more free, a little bit more messy.

And then I want to go back to just before we close this out is. I'd love to see if you could give the people that are listening a practice of them being able to own their space and to be expansive in the way that you are on the stage. If you have any advice on sort of open themselves up to that.

Someone gave me really good advice. One time we went to a restaurant, and I was not dressed appropriate for this restaurant, and they told me something like, no, no, you have to act like you belong here. You have to act like you deserve to be here, or nobody's going to treat you like you deserve to be here. And I think when you own your space, maybe you don't feel confident, but you need to convince yourself that you deserve to be here. Think about what you've done to get there. Of course you deserve to be there. You wouldn't be there.

Okay, Allie, the time is here. So what is your number one piece of advice for the listeners on doing the thing?

After I made a whole spiel about not taking advice.

That is my advice, actually. That's the advice. Take your own advice and keep it. And for real, I think it's better if you take your own advice. Learn how to make decisions and learn how to be okay with the outcome of your decisions. Because with everything.

And time passing by and all your experiences, you're going to learn something. You're going to learn how to not do something, and you're going to learn how to do something. And with that learning experience, you're always. You're going to be the one giving advice, basically, because you're learning through it. And nobody stopped you. Nobody coddled you out of an experience.

Well, please share with everyone where they can learn about lovehoney and follow you on your journey.

We have a website, lovehoney music.com. we're on Spotify and Apple Music. Probably all the streaming services were Love Honey, one word. And we do have an Instagram Love Honey music on Instagram.

I love it. I'm so excited for people to. Yeah, this has been great. Thank you so much for doing this with me.

Thank you. Thanks for asking. I was so excited.

It's just so cool. And even when you came up to us after the show and you went up to the people in the audience, I just think you have such a love for what you're doing and a love for the people that are enjoying it.

Yeah, they. They give me most of that energy that you see on stage. Audience participation is always really great. And participation doesn't have to be. You have to be doing anything. Just you giving me your attention when you could be on your phone or you could be looking down at your plate, or you could just be talking to your friend. But you. You chose to look up and you chose to give us your attention. And I think that helps me give back whatever energy I'm going to give you. I think that's really great. And I want to show people that I appreciate that. And that's why I have to walk up to them and thank them for that. So good.

And for the listeners, do the thing, don't wait for opportunity, create it.