Episode 201 - These Experts Want You To Achieve Personal Growth Through Your Bucket List

Hey everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacy Lauren. Well, you guys, I absolutely love having a podcast for so many reasons actually. But one of the main reasons is because I get to meet the most extraordinary people and that's how I get inspired to do the thing and that's how this next episode has been inspired. We are in the middle of planning the do the Thing Bucket List challenge for you guys and we have an expert panel with us today that is unbelievable. I met Laura Carney just a few months ago and she was an expert in the Startup Book Challenge and we did a solo episode together as well. And I was just so moved by her story about how she did the thing and I asked her if she wanted to co host do the Thing Bucket List with me and she said yes. And not only said yes, but she curated this amazing panel of experts with me and I am so excited to introduce each of them to you. So first of all, I'm going to tell you about Laura Carney. She is a writer and copy editor based in New York. Laura's impressive body of work includes being published by top media outlets such as the Washington Post, the Associated Press, Runner's World, People Magazine, and so many more. Her book, My Father's How Living My Dad's Dreams Set Me Free is a powerful memoir about her journey to fulfill her late father's bucket list. With her experience in writing about personal growth and her unique perspective on pursuing meaningful experiences, Laura is the perfect co host for the do the Thing Bucket List expert panel. We are so excited to have Laura share her expertise and insights with us on how to create and achieve bucket List goals. And we're honored to have Ethan Bryan. He's a successful author and inspirational figure. He is the author of 10 books, including the critically acclaimed A Year of Playing Catch. What a Simple Daily Experiment Taught Me About Life. Through his writing achievements, Ethan has had the opportunity to speak at the National Baseball hall of Fame, attend the White House for the Royals World Series Championship and receive endorsements from MLB players. He also has made a brief appearances in an ESPN 30 for 30 and an Emmy Award winning documentary. Ethan tells stories because he believes that stories and ideas can change the world. Ethan's story is one of resilience and determination and his insights on achieving bucket list goals will be invaluable to our discussion today. We are so excited to have him share his expertise with us and it's my pleasure to introduce Gregory Benedict. He's a professional coach who helps people discover and achieve their biggest dreams. Gregory's focus on guiding individuals to break free from the expectations of others and pursue their own dreams and aspirations make him an ideal fit for today's expert panel on Bucket List challenges. As a coach, he has helped so many individuals identify and achieve their dreams, including those on their Bucket list. Gregory's practical approach to coaching, combined with his ability to inspire and motivate his clients will be invaluable as we discuss how to create and achieve meaningful Bucket List goals. We are so excited to have him share his insights and expertise with us. It's my pleasure to introduce Jeff Truesdell, a seasoned journalist and until recently a staff writer for People magazine. With 20 years of experience at the magazine, Jeff has a talent for writing about human interest stories, breaking news and crime features. His work has been featured in the People Magazine investigative series on investigation discovery and also has executive produced an award winning documentary. Jeff's dedication to shedding light on important issues and telling stories that make a difference has made him an invaluable addition to today's Expert panel. And I'm excited to introduce Mary Latham, a remarkable individual who embarked on a mission across all 50 US states to collect stories of human kindness. Her journey took over 43,000 miles in her mother's Subaru, where she stayed with 154 strangers and collected heartwarming stories of more good to share with the world. Mary used local media and radio to promote her journey and visited various community gatherings to spread her message of kindness. Her experience and stories have inspired her.

To compile them into a book that.

She plans to donate to hospital waiting rooms. Mary's passion for spreading positivity and inspiring others to live a fulfilling life make her a great fit for today's expert panel on Bucket List Challenges. And we are excited to have Craig Hildebrand on our Expert panel for the Bucket List Challenge. As a gifted intuitive, advisor and healer, Craig can interpret and translate complex energy patterns in his clients, helping them overcome mental, emotional and physical pain. With his diverse background in finance, traditional naturopathy, and energy healing, he can provide valuable assistance and alignment to individuals from all walks of life, including psychologists, coaches and other healers. Moreover, Craig's expertise in helping people access their innermost understanding and and identifying obstacles makes him a valuable addition to our panel. We can't wait to hear his insights and advice on how to overcome challenges and achieve our Bucket List goals. And I'd love to have Jeff introduce Dan also to the expert panel.

I would be happy to, Stacy, and if you'll forgive me, I might become Well, I am becoming emotional just thinking about it. Dan Bryan is a remarkable father and a man who was motivated in part by another member of your panel, Ethan D. Bryan and Ethan's story of playing catch for a year with strangers to form connections and stories. And Dan had a wonderful, much loved, very talented young son, also named Ethan, who, at 16 years old, was tragically killed in a car accident. Dan and his son Ethan shared a tremendous love of baseball. And after discovering and reading Ethan's book, Dan took the idea of a year of catch to connect with people. Initially friends, people in his small Missouri town and then strangers across the country as a way to.

Share the story of his son's loss and reconnect with his son, but more importantly and almost unintentionally created a remarkable community of people who were reaching out not only to help shoulder Dan's loss and burden, but to unburden themselves on Dan. And it's a beautiful, beautiful example that, in truth, inspired me on my journey.

Beautifully said. Thanks, Jeff.

Thank you.

Here's the thing about this panel and this specific panel, and I think what. What about Laura's story has really struck me is so many people can talk about a bucket list and wanting to do something for themselves or wanting to do something for others, but when it's connected to something so deep and. And so powerful and then being able to be moved by that and that being the thing that actually powers you, then that adds a whole nother level. And I think that's what's so beautiful about this entire panel, is that each of you, with your own experience, has been able to do it, not just from like a, oh, hey, I want to go skydiving kind of place. It's been from this deep, personal story of how you were able to follow this dream and to be able to almost curate your own version of a bucket list in whatever way that was. And so I'd love to just start off and ask you guys, what do you think is exciting to you about this challenge, and what do you hope for people to be able to get from it? And, Laura, why don't we start with you?

I think it's kind of serendipitous that it's already starting to. To be displayed through the way that we're relating to each other. I mean, I know all the people in this challenge except for Gregory. It's nice to meet you. And, Ethan, it's nice to meet you more face to face than our texting, but the people I've met here have all helped me in some way or another and could relate because they were doing a mission of their own. And the way that Jeff just introduced Dan was so beautiful because it's like each mission inspires another mission. And I think one thing that might make people hesitate to write down goals and particularly a mission that is to honor a loved one or even just to honor a personal cause. One thing that might make them hesitate is that they think they have to do it alone. And that I have found out to not be the case at all. And my heart was hurting after my dad's passing, and I kept that to myself for many years. But going on this incredible journey where I've gotten to meet all of these different people has been an experience of opening my heart a little bit more each time as I've connected with each of them. I know, Mary, you can relate to this with the people that you've met along the way. And I think one important thing to remember for the people who are considering this challenge is that that is going to be one of the results. It's the experience of developing more vulnerability, and understanding that vulnerability is a strength because that's the way we connect with other people. So it's going to be about more than just checking things off. It's about figuring out who you really are in that experience.

And that's what I'm so excited about, being able to do this challenge and being able to do it with you all, because I think each of you have shown through your story and how you're able to follow. What's your deepest desire inside of you? Mary, I'd love for you to go next.

Well, definitely. I agree with everything Laura just said. I feel like not only does doing this connect us more and make us feel less alone in each of our individual journeys, that kind of always start off feeling a little bit alone. Like, does anyone get this specific thing that you're going through and you're trying to figure it out yourself and create whatever mission you can out of it? But also, I just feel like it humanizes all of us again when Jeff is just introducing Dan and him telling a story. Like, I'm gonna cry right now, too, Just, like, hearing it and having that. That foreign feeling of emotion where we are so quick to numb everything these days with whatever we do. A new television show or a drink or whatever, just so that we don't have to feel so much because things are so chaotic that we push them away. And so to know that deep down, you don't want to be pushing them away and that's why we're creating these missions or these bucket lists to actually feel it all. Because living our life, we are feeling it all. And that's what's so scary. And I think that's why so many people push their dreams away and they just kind of stay in that complacency of what they know. And so when you're in this environment, albeit on a computer screen, but if we could be the same room, but we can't, but at least we're all here and we're together. And to be in an environment where you know that everyone right now on the screen was in the same mental space as you and push through that and felt it all, it's such a comfort, I think. And for other people to hear that and be like, oh, yeah, well, they were probably scared too, and like all these things, but they did it. And no, I don't know if any of that made sense.

It made amazing sense.

Absolutely did.

And, Jeff, I'd love to hear from you next.

Well, I might just pass this off, frankly, to Craig and Gregory, but listening to Mary.

There is, I think, a worry, a fear that people might have that these are projects that are too big to launch or too big to start or take too much time to prepare and set out for yourself, when in fact, all of these journeys, I think, almost beginning in a subtle fashion and with a small act and with one little thing that you don't know where it's going to go. As a journalist and as a documentary filmmaker, I enjoy telling people that you have an idea for a story, but you will make a colossal mistake if you stick only to that story. You have to keep your eyes and your ears and your heart open. And in that process, a story will find you, a journey will find you, and you just have to begin. When Ethan on this panel was given a baseball by his daughters, he had no idea where that was going to lead. When Dan Bryan was gifted Ethan's book, he had no idea what that book said or how that would inspire him. And I would kind of like to hear Craig and Gregory talk a little bit about how they get people past these hurdles to just start a process which almost begins without realizing you've started it.

Yeah.

Because once you make the decision to start, then all these things pretty much open up for you. The world pretty much opens up at that point, which is amazing. And Ethan, I'd love to hear from you next.

Oh, man, there's been too much good things said already. I don't know what to add other Than it's the protagonist of the story that does the action, that keeps the story moving and that takes that step. And you have the background characters or the villains who are the ones that are reacting or just waiting for something to happen. There's something in each of us that thinks of us as the star or the hero of our own story. And so we want to live those stories. And what has kept me on this journey for the last five, six years now is just the amazing people that I've met and hearing their stories and the friendships, the people that I'm now texting and emailing and messaging on a weekly basis that I never would have had had I not taken that first step. I mean, I can't wait to hear. I want to hear what Barry's story was when she came to Missouri. I hope you were in southwest Missouri because we're really nice.

That's. But there are so many amazing stories, heartbreaking stories, but stories that help us to feel and to connect deeply to life, that refuse to let us be complacent. And when you get to a taste of those experiences and those people and those friendships, you don't want to stop.

Yeah, I think the thing that's really coming alive for me right now, it's not even about the thing. The thing is what guides you, but it's all the people you don't realize, the people that are going to come from you just doing the thing. It's an amazing way that you just. That I'm all chilled up right now that you all have really spoken to Dan, I'd love to hear from you next.

Yeah, thanks. Just sitting here thinking and listening to everyone and Jeff said it. I had no idea when my journey was going to start. I had no way to anticipate it's even going to start. I lost Ethan on September 16th of 2020.

And I started this journey of setting out to play catch for an entire year in the year of 2022. My goal was to do the 365 catches. And in the beginning, really was looking outwardly on seeing the pain from Ethan's classmates and teammates, the community, and trying to find a way to maybe help them out. I knew I needed to find an avenue to heal myself. So I knew it was a big challenge to make a commitment to do something for 365 days, regardless of what it is. But when you're talking a physical activity too, I often wondered, can I physically keep up with this game of catch? And when you talk about that, it's not just a few tosses. I mean, I, I was doing a good 30 minutes or more each time up until the point where I was playing catch with full teams, baseball teams. And I can recall one night was five baseball teams. I threw under over 600 pitch in two and a half hours straight. And I thought I just had this drive. And I knew I was, what my purpose was. But what I didn't anticipate was the outpouring that I would get from people that I had never met. And they wanted to share their story of grief. They felt comfortable enough to reach out to me and try to find healing themselves. Or as a parent who lost a child, they're looking for some answers. And I can recall when it was really at its height. It was about 18 months after Ethan had passed away. And I had asked my family, my friends, my church, how can I do this? I'm only 18 months under this grief. Why do people seem to lean my direction? Or why, why is God directing people to me? And it was actually really a beautiful thing. I mean, ultimately I finished the year with 446 catches, surpassed my goal of 3,65. But I had met some really remarkable people during that time, of which I'm talking in this group with right now and many others. And the situations where they were just spur in the moment meetings, playing catch with a guy in Orlando, Florida. And come to find out the one man I picked out of the group had lost a daughter in a car crash as well at the age of 17. Up to the hundreds of emails that I've received and Facebook messenger requests of people who just want to share their grief and share their stories and those were the things that I really didn't anticipate when I set out to finish this mission.

So by you connecting to the other people and seeing how what you were doing was moving, that really helped you push forward.

It really did. Yeah, I know Laura mentioned the word vulnerability. And often at the beginning of my journey, I felt vulnerability was a weakness. Turned out it was one of my biggest during that time, it was just being able to open up and to expose my heart and share my grief, share my emotions, share my tears, and share our connection with friends, family, strangers, and it really helped me find my path to healing.

Thank you for sharing, Gregory. I'd love to hear from you next. And if you could also answer Jeff's question as far as how you think you can help people be able to do this.

Yeah, well, first of all, you didn't tell me that I was going to cry. During this.

Oh, I'm so grateful to be in this space with all of you amazing people. And so much collective wisdom has been shared already. What's really standing out to me is that it's less about the actual thing, whether it's a bucket list item, whether it's a trip around the world, and it's more about who you become along the way and ultimately who you meet. That's what we're doing this all for. That's what brings us together. It's the connections that you make. And, Ethan, I think it was you who said you have no idea who you're going to meet along the way. Actually, it was Jeff. Jeff. It's the story you start out to tell is not the story that you end up with. And that is so powerful to me. It's about the people you meet along the way and those connections. And then, Ethan, it was you who said, being the protagonist in the story, that is something that is really personally meaningful to me. I try and live my life like I'm the protagonist in a superhero movie, because the protagonist in a superhero movie always starts off as a nerd. They're super lame, they aren't cool yet. And they have to go through all of these trials and tribulations and become more vulnerable, open themselves up to the world in order to become who they're ultimately meant to be. And to answer the second question of how I help clients, just start, because that's really all it takes is you just have to take that first step, is I remind people that you don't have to get it right. I have this saying that I use. It's do it scared, do it unprepared, and then do it again. And if you think about any superhero movie, remember the training montage where they've met the mentor, they've met the guide, and there's this montage where it's them going through challenges and failing and falling on their face and getting beat up over and over and over again. And it's through that that they meet the people they're supposed to meet, they gain the skills they need, and they become the person that they're supposed to become. So it's really a reminder of you don't have to get it right. It can be messy, it can be scary, and it's less about you and what you accomplish and more about who you meet along the way.

Absolutely.

Yeah. And then something else that's really magical that's happening right now, too. I wanted to share is before the zoom started, Craig mentioned Wanting to not be able to see everyone on the camera. And so anyone that's seen this on video will notice the white paper over the camera. And I think it just shows, number one, he's open to asking that question, and then the people on this expert panel are open to receiving it. And I think that's the proof that this expert panel is perfect and that he's so good to be on here. Because this bucket list challenge, it's not just about doing the thing and the items on there, it's doing from what you need to do from inside of you. Not being scared to ask a question, being open to see other people where they are and being able to ask for what you need. And anyway, I just thought I would point that out and I'd love to hear your thoughts, Craig, on just being here and what you're hoping people will get from the challenge.

Sure.

Can you hear me okay?

Yeah.

Okay, cool. Yeah. So when I listen to people or I hear things, it's more audio, some people more visual, and I get easily distracted, so I'm able to more. I mean, some people will call it channeling. I. I don't really like that term because it freaks people out. But I can receive information more clear. I love to look at people. It's just that the details can throw you. So when I'm listening to somebody who has something going on that's problematic in their life, I really have to tune in to the vibration of their words. It just becomes a lot more pure that way. So I would say when I work with people who are suffering or have had a traumatic incident, you have to start where you are. And before you can start doing things, I always tell people, you're a human being, you're not a human doing. So first you have to be where you are, and you have to. If you're in, there's 22 natural emotions, and the bottom one is fear and the inability to even act. Until you get up into the higher emotions like optimism and joy, you have to start where you are. You can't skip steps. So if you're in guilt, if you're in anger, you just can't rush them. You have to go one by one. And as you move up to scale, each emotion is a little bit higher than the other, and. And you feel a little bit more relief. And then once you start moving up that scale, the actions just come naturally. They're not forced. You're just going to have a lot of excitement to do the things that you want to do. So I Usually do that. And then there's another method I like to do is you take a quotient. It's almost scientific because boring their emotions. You can't just pull somebody out of what they're feeling. You don't want to. So you kind of have to go through I you about four or five. And there are core things that are going on with everybody. It's one is how much of a victim do you feel like? Because when you feel like a victim, it goes around in new age circles. Victims don't heal. It's understandable that you would feel like a victim when something tragic happens and you have to take that quotient and you have to start there because until you get out of that, there's no way you're just going to be in depression. So you kind of have to feel where that is and you have to feel another thing I like to say, you know, do you feel deserving? Do you feel worthy? And when you start playing around with those deep core issues and you start monitoring where you are on those subjects, then you can slowly move up and naturally get your higher vibrations back where you're inspired to help others or share your grief, things like that. So then it's easier to do the bucket list items other than that. It's usually to me, fomo, fear of missing out. Everyone just wants to do things that they want to cross things off their list. But some of these lists that people are doing, these are calling. So you just can't get up and will yourself to do it all the time. You kind of have to go through the steps.

Stacy, I think you need to devote an entire episode to Craig alone. I'm fascinated.

Thank you.

Now you understand why Craig is my life coach.

Well, the idea that there are 22 finite actual emotions is amazing to me. Not that I don't.

It's amazing. Yeah.

I wonder that there are 2,000 emotions. I feel like I'm feeling a thousand of them right now.

Right. Well, that's the thing. Until you know what they are, you're all over the place. Right. You don't know you're.

You.

You confused worry with fear. I mean, worries at a complete. Worries much higher than fear. And people don't realize that pessimism, pessimism is higher than worry. But until you feel those gradients moving up, you're all jumbled because that's your guidance system, your emotions or your guidance system. And you think of one subject and you could be happy. The next moment you could think of another subject and you could Be crying. So once you become aware of those, and again, there are, I'm sure you could make more emotions. But you know, somewhere there has to be some definitive cut off. I mean, these were taught to me and they worked and they really help keep my self balanced. When I start to go off, well, what am I feeling? Well, I'm angry. Well, where's anger? Well, anger is above guilt. A lot of people don't allow themselves to feel anger. They go right back into guilt. And then if you're in guilt long enough, you'll go back into depression. So anger is a big one. You need to get relief. You need to take healthy form of anger, hit a pillow, do something like that. Then you can move up into discouragement or disappointment, and then you can move up into worry or doubt. And then once you get past those, you can get into, you know, you're more content. Then you can get into optimism, hope, belief. Then you get into excitement and things like that. But people get upset because, well, I'm feeling this way, but I want to feel this way. Well, you just can't. Just like when you're walking, you just don't take one step and then hop five steps ahead. You take one step at a time. So the emotions help keep you in check and move you up to scale. So that's the bare minimum. Once you teach people that, it's pretty easy to know where they are because, you know, you want to teach them to fish for themselves. You don't always want to just be holding their hand through everything. You want to teach them what they're feeling and how to move up and where they are.

Yeah, I'm so glad you brought that up because there's so many people that do the do the thing challenges that are starting over in one way or another, whether it be from death or divorce or losing something really important to them and experiencing some kind of grief. And they're reinventing themselves and the challenges help them. Through each challenge they get out of their comfort zone, which then gets them to get to know themselves more. And I think that's why, Laura, I've gotten so moved by your story because through you writing this book and doing your best budget list, you really discovered yourself and who you are. I'd love to just kind of hear from you first as far as what would be the first step that we should take people on for them to be able to create their own bucket list.

Oh, gosh, thank you. And I, I get it. It is a little bit complex. There's a few, few levels to what I did here. And I feel like you have esp, because I was just thinking I wanted to add on something to all the wonderful things that Craig just said. Craig has helped me quite a bit with my emotions. I think it was Joan Didion, the writer, who said she never knew how she felt about anything until she wrote it down. And I can be that way sometimes. And sometimes if I have a good call with Craig, he helps me so sort through, well, oh, I'm actually feeling this. Like, I'm not sure. And he helps me go up the rungs to touch on what you said. I think a good way to start something like this, and I was just talking to my husband about this the other day. A good way to start just about anything that is going to potentially end up being something that takes a lot out of you and ends up being a calling in a sense, as we've all experienced in this room, is to just start getting really good at honoring your own word, right? So if you say, I want to try running, and I feel like, Gregory, you probably have some experience with this with your clients, right? Like, you have to motivate them to take the first step. And maybe it's a small thing at first. And you, you say, okay, well, today I'm going to run one mile and then hold yourself to that. So as you start getting accustomed to developing these new routines in your life where you're holding yourself accountable, what's happening is you're learning how to trust yourself and you're learning how to develop patterns that are unique to you as opposed to going along with the flow of what you think everyone is doing. So now not only are you developing almost like a self pact, you're also developing individuality. And if you can do those little things first, I mean, I've seen this happen. It wasn't just my experience. Probably the thing that you're supposed to do is going to show up. And when it does, you'll know you'll be ready. When my dad's list appeared, people ask me sometimes, what was your thought process? How did you decide to do this? And I always say, I just knew immediately. Yes, I knew immediately I needed to do this thing. And I think the reason for that is because I had already primed myself to be the person who could do it. So as you feel that you're waiting to discover what is gonna be something that I can really contribute to everyone and to help and is going to heal me, but might also help heal other people too, it's just good to develop these habits, these patterns where you're honoring yourself. I mean, that that's what I would say is the first step.

And yeah, then I just had some dots connect between what Craig said and what you said. This happened for me once I was able to manage my emotions better just in my life, I didn't have all this stuff spinning around in my head. So now I'm able to see the messages clearer from the universe, whereas if you haven't managed your emotions yet, it's harder to see that. So I just think that's really interesting and that's how you see it when it shows up. So, Gregory, I'd love to hear from you next.

I love what you just shared. Laura. I wrote down this morning, I had to reach back and grab my notebook, that we use our own actions to decide what we are like. The actions you take ultimately determine who you become. And James Clear, who wrote Atomic Habits, has so much to say about this. He says that each action you take is a vote for your identity. So if you want to become a runner, you need to run. If you want to become a writer, you need to write. And if you can see in my background over here, I have a whiteboard and it says 20, 23 votes. It has a tally of all the things, all the aspects of myself that I'm trying to build. So it's how many times I've meditated, it's how many coaching calls I've had, it's how many podcasts I've done, how many times I've been surfing, things like that. Because when we do something, if it's positive, it reinforces our self image and we say, okay, that's great, I'm doing this thing, I kept my word to myself. But if we say we want to do something and then don't end up doing it, which is really easy to do when it comes to yourself, you slowly erode that self trust. And what you said, Laura, is just resonating with me so much. It's just saying that you're going to do something. And following through on it is so, so important. And if I can just add my two cents to it. Stacey of what's a really good starting place for a bucket list? It's to figure out what you want, to figure out what you want and not what other people want. Stacy has heard this over and over again, but my life was forever changed when I stumbled across Bronnie Ware's research about the top regrets of the dying. She worked with over 500 patients at the end of their life. And she found out that not only do most people have serious regrets at the end of their life, but that it boils down to just five regrets. And it was the number one regret of the dying that fundamentally changed the trajectory of my life. And the number one regret people have at the end of their life is that I wish I would have had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expect of me. So when you're sitting down to write your bucket list, don't put sexy big things on there just because other people think that that would be really cool, that if you did that, it would impress other people. Write down the things that are really meaningful to you, and they might not be big. Maybe it's reconnecting with a family member. Maybe it's doing something completely unique in your own. But I think that's a really good place to start, is because when you start doing the things that are really authentic to you, that's when you meet the people you're supposed to meet. That's when all of the magic begins to happen, when you're having that courage to live the life you want to live, not other people's lives.

And, Mary, I'd love to hear from you. What would be a good starting place for that?

Okay.

I have so much happening in my.

Head right now, so I'm going. Trying to dance because there's just. It's very.

That.

That's a challenge in itself to condense my thoughts. But I feel like one thing that I also feel that helped me is throughout my journey, kind of creating this pocket full of heroes of my own, personal heroes that I would take out and use as motivation. So it wasn't exactly Southern Missouri, Ethan, but. But one of my stories that I collected that impacted me the most. And that's such a hard thing to say because all the stories impacted me, but was a woman who had walked into a phone store years ago and it was being robbed. And she was 60 years old, and it was right before school was about to start. She was a guidance counseling, I believe. And she walked in to get something fixed on her phone, and she ended up being involved in the robbery, getting shot multiple times, going to the hospital, being in the hospital for over 140 days because of the surgeries and everything that happened. And she was so close to death, they had to give her this special medication that cut blood flow off. So she lost her arms from her elbows down and her legs from her knees down. And then she finally got out of the hospital and was in recovery and then went back in for a check in a few months later and was diagnosed with breast cancer.

So when I sat with her in her home in Wichita, Kansas and listened to her story and watched her apply her red lipstick with a special cuff thing that someone had made her with the lipstick super glued on it and she just put it on like no thing and talked about her life and how she does what she does. She said at one point there was this moment where I was laying on the couch and I was like £80 now and I was about to start chemo treatment and I was learning how.

To live my life.

Her husband had to quit his job to take care of her in the beginning. And she was very independent. So it was a whole nother emotional thing to go through. She said, I realized I could just lay here and give up or I could buck up and make the most of it and try to help the next person that's gonna have to go through this. And so she went out and went into hospitals and spoke with people if they lost a limb unexpectedly. And she's super funny too. Like she'd be like, listen, you only lost one I got for. And I thought about her for the next three hours. When I left the next morning and I was driving to Kansas City, Missouri and I was driving there and I think I cried 2 hours and 55 minutes of the 3 hour drive thinking about her life and how little things. Like at night she might have a leg cramp or something that we get and then we just turn over and we feel okay, but she can't turn herself over and she's not going to wake her husband up to bother him to turn her over. And so she was this one of the many people that was this motivation to me. Like she's getting up, she's getting through her day and not in a way that the way we're not supposed to compare ourselves to others and stuff like that, but in a way that was she's doing it. And that's my motivation for me to get up and still move forward and keep doing it. And that was so helpful to me because it was almost like this punch in the face of perspective to see these other people that are going through it and putting their foot in front of another prosthetic or not every day and getting through. And so I feel like creating that kind of pocket full of heroes literally kind of motivated me to keep going and to just realize that she's figuring out what she needs to do. Running 5Ks, driving a car right now. She got there and is super independent again, all on her own without her husband. And so we're all capable of doing that. It's just that that muscle that we need to like keep building of this mental strength, really. But yeah, I'll keep talking for five hours, then I'm going to.

I love Pocketful Heroes.

That's so.

It's so brilliant too. And Dan, I'd love to hear from you next.

Yeah. One thing that sticks out to me during the whole mission, the whole journey, was the unexpected things that happened. There was a common thread through many of my catch partners that I would hear along the way. And it was, it was one of these things. And during the course of tossing the baseball and that repetition and almost hypnotic trait that catch has, people were saying, I didn't intend on telling you this, or I'm not sure why I'm telling you this, but.

And you would fill in those blanks with someone talking about.

Their loss or someone talking about their struggle with addiction, or someone talking about their intense thoughts of suicide or depression. I didn't expect to encounter these. And sometimes people would say, doesn't this get boring to you? Like every day you're going out there? And it wasn't because every day was a fresh new purpose for me and I was getting ready to meet somebody that I was supposed to meet during this journey. So I really, I really took every day and it was a fresh slate every day. I went out up to the point where there's a grown man who I remember him telling me his purpose. He wanted to play catch because he had himself had never played catch in his life and he had a young four year old son and he's like, my son wants to play catch, he's wanting to play T ball. To that. I'm ashamed that I've never had this encounter in my life. I don't even know how to do it. So for me and him, that day, I was his practice, I was his coach, his catch coach. And we were just making memories for him where he felt comfortable going out and showing his son how to play catch. And just meeting people where they are in their life, regardless of what area that may be, is rewarding any way you look at it.

And Ethan, I'd love to hear from you next.

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow.

Well, looking at the list of what we've covered, honoring yourself, figuring out what you want, and the pocket full of heroes, which is just a delightful quote, and the unexpected things along the journey, I think one of the things for me, that helped me continue on in, to start it was to. To know why I was doing this. I mean, the whole. The whole reason I. I started playing catch is my. On New Year's Day dinner, we're sitting around the table having dinner. My. My daughter's asked me like, hey, dad, what would happen if you play catch every day for a year? And I just laughed because I was like, oh, I know exactly what I would need surgery. This is what would happen. And at that point, I had had three. Three major surgeries in my life. And while I appreciate the sleep of anesthesia, I don't like the work that's required after surgery. And so they were very gentle and gracious and encouraging and supportive, as they said, well, you should just try and see what would be like. And so as I started, you have those hard days where you can't expect. You don't know what weather is going to happen in Southern Missouri. And then all this kind of stuff and all canceled catch partners and all the things that life throws at you. And when. When I had those small obstacles and just to overcome, I mean, these are the ones that any superhero would have overcome, Gregory. I mean, these are really, really small obstacles in the scheme of the story. But I remember my why was. Well, I wanted to be able to answer my daughter's question. What happens if you play catch for a year? What happens? You make some amazing friends. And I mean, it was a year that changed my life. And it helped me work up that ladder that. That emotional ladder that Craig has talked about and create a perspective of. Of seeing the good in others and do it scared. Do it unprepared. Do it again. Yeah. Yeah. There are still times when people ask me to play catch that I'm like, why? Why are you going to play catch with me? What's this about? And I don't feel like I'm the right person for it. But then it's such an amazing encounter, and then I'm able to share the lessons learned and the stories of that person with my daughter. So all that summed up and saying, know why it is that you're putting this. This item on your list?

I love the randomness of Ethan's inspiration. And yes, he's written a book about this experience, but he didn't start out to write a book that came much later down the way. Dan may yet write a book of some sort. He's talked about it, certainly has not done so. And that is not what motivated him in crafting or in thinking about a bucket list. I want to go back to Gregory's comment about figuring out what it is you want. I think it's important to remember that a bucket list can be driven by something that you need. And in Laura's.

Again, we haven't talked much about my story. I'll share a little bit more about it. You introduced me as a reporter and writer and that's fine. That is indeed what I have done for a profession. There is a thread of grief in some of our conversations here, a lot of emotion on this call. Laura's remarkable story is rooted in an effort to connect with the loss of a father and his dreams for himself. Dan's remarkable story is rooted in in his desire to build a non perfect bond with his son who would have graduated just two or three days ago. My story is rooted in the loss of my husband and partner of 34 years and yesterday was the first death anniversary and what happened to push me forward apart from a connection that I had in writing as a reporter about Dan and in breaking down 2/3 of the way through the process and finally telling Dan my story, which I had kept secret from him because I didn't want myself to be interjected into his journey. My husband and I used to love to just get on the road and travel aimlessly and travel the back roads of any place, but particularly my home state of Missouri. Ethan I live in the St. Louis area and at one point, couple years ago, my husband's name is Nelson and we stumbled across the town of Nelson, Missouri, a place I'd never heard of. And I know my state very very well, but Nelson, Missouri, population of 192 is the middle of nowhere. And of course I made my husband, who was in many ways my muse, get out and stand by the sign and take the pictures by the and we laughed and we had a documented memory and we just kind of moved on. And after he died I thought that picture of him standing by the Nelson city limit sign kept coming back up as I was looking through photo after photo after photo to get through the next minute, the next hour, the next day. And I thought to myself, how many places named Nelson exist? And I did a quick bit of research and there's a lot. And so I blew up photographic cutouts of my Nelson and I dragged the photo cutouts back to Nelson, Missouri and I took pictures of these cutouts by the city hall and by the city limit sign and by the water tower and by the Nelson Cemetery and by the the roadside where the Nelson Lyons police the litter and it Just made me laugh and it made me smile. And there was no purpose other than that. And I thought to myself, I'm going to do this again. I'm going to find another Nelson. I have found a couple of other places. And along the way, the journey, which is still in its infancy, has evolved and is evolving because I don't quite know what I'm looking for. But to echo what had been said by some of the others, there is a recognition of vulnerability. There is a recognition of being open stories that come at you. There is a repertorial element to what I'm doing and trying to learn about these places, the people there. But I'm also very much aware, as I slowly begin to share more of myself, that what I am doing is not just connecting, as Dan has done, with other people and sharing the story of my loss and my love and my husband, but I am meeting people for whom a gay relationship is not the norm. And I am.

I believe, intentionally opening their eyes to the shared humanity of what we have. And in my most recent visit to a town of Nelson, in Nelson, New York, I began for the first time to ask the residents of the town who were gracious enough to sit down with me in a group and talk with me about their own losses and exploring their feelings and where they are on their journeys, because I want to know where I am and where I'm going and what I can expect. So is this a bucket list? It certainly did not start as one. I think it has now become one. And it is driven not by a want, things I wanted to do. It has been driven very much by a need, something I have to do, like Dan. It is giving me a forward momentum and almost takes me a little bit out of my head and my feelings of loss and grief and allows me to connect with people in remarkable ways. And as Laura and I have discussed, it's just coming down to that point at which you just have to say yes. Yes to what you're going to encounter, yes to getting started, yes to putting one foot in front of the other and without scaring yourself by sitting down and staring at a blank piece of paper and figuring out what is your bucket list. I think that you just need to.

Decide what you need, decide why that is valuable to you, to echo what some of the others have said and just begin. And if it ends after one, you've gained something. And if it leads to a second and a third and a fourth stop, well, then you are continuing to evolve and change. And if it becomes a Longer journey. Well, then in hindsight, you realize who you have become, how you have changed, and what that has done to elevate who you are and change your life. And I don't think if you sit down with that goal in the beginning, you're ever going to start.

I think you just have to find a place to jump in and then see where it leads. Don't be intimidated by the prospect of crafting and creating a monstrous agenda. That in itself is scary. Just pick a starting place and go.

I agree, Jess. I mean, I think it feels most organic and most from the heart when you do. Just like you say, pick that point and let it lead you.

Craig, I'd love to hear from you next.

Yeah, well, I would just come, you know, to use a baseball analogy, you can't hit the home run. You never get up to hit, right? I mean, so I think the first stage is you get up, right? You just get up, you get to the plate. If you strike out, so what? But eventually you're going to get tired of striking out if you don't practice. So that's where the training and the coaching comes in. So I would, yeah, get up, do it. But everybody's all, we're wired that way to evolve and to get better and to get better. So that's where. Start where you are. Do what you can, do the best you can to the best of your ability, and you'll want to continue to improve. And you'll probably need to reach out to people for help at some point, friends, family, anybody. So it is important, too. And you know the story about the woman without the arms and legs, oh, my gosh. You sit here and you think, oh, I'm having a bad day. I mean, please, that woman is such an inspiration. But as you listen to, as I listen to her tell that story.

It'S exactly what I was describing. At some point, she got out of being a victim and became an inspiration to others.

And.

But you can imagine in that situation, how do you even cope for the first whatever when it hits you? All these things are happening or have happened. So. But at some point that switch flipped and she knew that she could be, maybe not an inspiration to some people, but there are many other people that we don't even always think about in our daily lives who are going through the same thing. Maybe they've had a limb, maybe it was from diabetes or something. But to. To show that wherever you are, you can be an inspiration to somebody as all these people have described. I mean, it's just Amazing. So kudos to everybody in their story.

I do think that's a lovely thought. I'll just jump in real quickly. The idea that you can be an inspiration to somebody else while carrying out whatever list or following whatever journey you are on, you don't know. And as I said, I may have said this to Dan, you have no idea how many people are inspired by your story, and you will never hear from those people. But what you are doing for yourself does indeed connect with other people, and maybe it inspires them to do something. And that's a really lovely thought there.

We have to get past the belief that we have to be everything to everyone. No, they're filters. And in order to do something, you don't have to appeal to everybody. Not everybody's going to love you. It's just not going to happen. But there's always going to be a niche. There's always going to be a segment of somebody somewhere that you're going to move. So if your belief is that, oh, I have to please everybody, everybody has to be inspired, it's not going to happen. You, you gotta get rid of that, and that'll take the pressure off, and it'll help you move forward a lot easier when you realize you don't have to be everything to everyone. You just have to be yourself. As others have said, and start there.

I was just gonna say, when Jeff was talking earlier, I just loved when he said, I don't know what I'm looking for, and I know I can relate.

But it never stopped us because we're still looking. It doesn't matter that we haven't figured it out. And I feel like when I think of people sitting down and writing a bucket list, you're making a bucket list because you know deep down inside, you know you want to live more in some way. So whether it's learning Spanish or going scout or whatever it is on your bucket list, you're writing that bucket list with the idea of wanting to fully live your life more. And, Jeff, you're doing that right now after going through a death and losing that person in your life for so long. And I just want to applaud you because you don't exactly know what you're looking for right now, but you're looking, and it's so soon. I mean, I took a little a minute before I was able to get in the car and go do my road trip, but you're already hunting out that purpose through going through this pain at the same time. And I just want to joke A lot for that.

Thank you, Laura. I would love to. You're the one that curated this amazing panel of people, and it's all because you did the thing by doing your dad's bucket list and being able to follow that. And I just would just love to hear what's coming alive for you right now.

Well, I'm very proud of myself.

I mean, doesn't this just prove what I was saying, that you meet these beautiful, like minded people? And my husband is good friends with Craig, so he'll probably find this funny, but he's usually right with the stuff he tells me. And when I set out to finish my dad's bucket list for him, one of the things that terrified me was a lot of people in my life were like, this is crazy. You know, like this. This seems so big. This is how you're going to correspond with the Pope. Okay. You're like, this just seems impossible. And he would always say to me, it's okay if you feel different from the people you know, because the people who are like you will show up. And it has happened. I mean, that has come true. And one thing that keeps going through my mind, other than how self satisfied I am right now, is that there is so much that has happened while doing my dad's list and writing a book about it that not only has affected my heart and my ability to open it up, but it's changed my mind, it's changed the way I perceive situations. If something seems challenging to me now, it's not as big of a deal. I think I can probably figure it out just because of the repetition. I've had 54 different opportunities now to encounter fears or get out of my comfort zone. So that has become a habit for me. And sometimes when I started my list, I would have people, the people who weren't calling it crazy. I'd have people make a lot of assumptions about my father. Like, oh, yeah, of course, you always had your back. I remember someone. I had a magazine article published about it and someone wrote that as a photo caption because he was standing behind me in the picture. And I kind of said, did he? Because our relationships with people are complicated. They're not all black and white. There's lots of shades of gray. And for me personally, a big part of why I think I needed to, as Jeff said so eloquently earlier, why I needed to live out my dad's dreams was because I needed to connect with him in an authentic way and in a way that made me proud, because I listened to different ideas about him, and most of the time, ideas I developed myself throughout my life that weren't serving me, that weren't helping me. And because my particular bucket list was something that was honoring him and the dreams that he wrote down as a young man, what ended up starting to happen to me was I started to change the way I thought. So this is what I meant when I said mindset. So when I would approach something like swim the width of a river or surf in the Pacific or things that I wouldn't have done ever in my life, I would develop this crazy confidence and this belief that I could do it because I knew my dad's spirit was helping me, and I believed it. I had faith that he wasn't going to let me fail. And I don't think that that feeling that I started to develop while doing these list items, I don't think that that's unique to doing a bucket list to honor someone. I think it's something that happens even if the person you're honoring is you, because I feel like it's the alchemist, right? Where does this line come from? Anytime you show the universe what you desire, all the universe sets out to support you. It's taking that step of showing your heart to the world, and it's not a thing that the world doesn't want you to do. We are actually designed to do that. We're designed to use our gifts to help one another, not to hide them for fear that we're not good enough. So one of the things that started happening while I was doing these bucket list items was I just kept finding miracles left and right and signs. Like, I started seeing hearts every day. I started viewing them as breadcrumbs. Like, okay, I was a little scared about the choice I just made, but this is showing me I'm on the right path, and I let myself be connected to them and believe in them. And I think it started developing for me, this feeling of, oh, okay, I'm not alone. There's something so much bigger than me. There's something I've tapped into now that I think probably every person in this room can relate to. This feeling of, you're doing something much bigger than what you are, and when you start doing that, it really does change your ideas about yourself. So now I know that I'm good at golf, for example. That's something I never would have discovered in a million years. I really like golf. Who knew? As much as I found myself in these situations where Gregory was talking about a superhero earlier, I like to think of what's the scene in Empire Strikes Back where Luke Skywalker has to go down a dark corner of the swamp, and then all of a sudden, he sees Darth Vader, right? And then Darth Vader's head gets cut off, and it's actually Luke behind the mask. It's like there's so many.

That's what happens.

Oh, I spoiled a movie that's 40 years old. Sorry. But my point is, it's like the dark night of the soul when you really challenge yourself. You're face yourself. You're going to face who you are, and you're going to find out it's okay. You're okay. You can do it. And I think it's important that people go through those experiences, that they do challenge themselves to have that, because what's going to happen is when you come out the other side, you're just not going to be the same person. You're going to be, as Craig was saying, a much better version, but at the same time, who you really are, the authentic you. And, I mean, what more can we give to ourselves and to everybody else but that.

Yeah, there's so much in everything that's been said, and something that's coming alive for me right now is just that idea people have sometimes of on a blank page, and sometimes it's hard to come up with whatever that is. Your whole idea of participating in this challenge could be for you to do something new every day. It doesn't have to be. Or to try something new and just to see where that leads you, being able to, like you said, Laura, open up that mindset so you could expand all of that. And I actually have been saying this recently. I finally feel like my path is lit, and I just need a walk now. And as that's happening, new things pop up. And I feel like once people understand that, and I feel like that's kind of what's happened for each of you, once people understand that you're living into your gift of whatever that may be. I'd love to hear if you guys have any parting words for the listeners on this challenge, the bucket list, or just anything coming alive for you right now.

Laura, what you just shared brought up one of my favorite quotes, and it's that character, like a photograph develops in the darkness. And I think there is so much value in going into that cave, going through that dark time, because you find out who you are and who you're meant to be. And then, Jeff, I just got to say that I absolutely love what you said about doing what you need instead of doing what you want. Needs are so much more powerful. There's a reason that it's called Maslow's hierarchy of needs, not wants. And I'm just really taking that away, is that if you don't necessarily know what you want, just get quiet for a bit and figure out what you need. And it doesn't have to make sense. It can be you blowing up pictures of your Nelson and taking pictures around the world. That is just so inspiring. So thank you for that.

Anyone else want to chime in? Just parting words for the listeners.

Oh, I do two things this Craig. So the first thing. Let's start with the most basic thing. If you don't know what you want, the first challenge should be, I want to know what I want. I want to know what excites me. So if you really are stuck.

That'S where to start. And then the second one would be to remember that even when you don't know, you know that you don't know. So you're always knowing. But we trick ourselves into thinking, I don't know. I don't know what I want. You do know what you want. Even if you don't know what you want, you're knowing that you don't know. So those were two. The two most basic things that will. It's kind of like Zen. If you sit with that long enough, your mind will empty and you'll just be like, holy crap. Okay, I'm always knowing. But I've tricked myself the whole time to think that I don't know half the time. So those are the last two things I would recommend.

Dan, I seen you percut.

Yeah. Just a couple things that pop to my mind. There's one of the first things I know Ethan and Laura and Jeff all know this, but the whole purpose of honoring Ethan was present for me and actually struggled myself if I was going to open up and let this become something bigger than just within my little community and within the St. Louis area. But in doing that, the purpose became so much greater and so much clearer for me. Ethan had mentioned he was part of the story that is nominated for a sports Emmy and the ESPN piece that was produced to cover Ethan. In this story, it is nominated for a sports Emmy, Major League Baseball, covering that, People magazine, all the outlets. And it wasn't. It took me a while to figure out, do I want to expose this? And it did finally come to me that I wanted to be able to have that outlet for more eyes to see Ethan, more ears to be able to hear the stories of how remarkable of a son and a baseball player and a human Ethan was and for more hearts to be touched and to experience just maybe for a few minutes how lucky we were to be able to be in his presence for 16 years, 2 months and 23 days. So I'm glad I opened up and allowed those different outlets to be a part of it and ultimately to expand.

The group of people that were introduced to the mission and to the journey and hopefully did shine some light on some things maybe they were struggling with or maybe they were debating on doing their bucket list or their challenge. And I think it was a great decision.

These are all very internal journeys or they start that way and they can be silly and they can be goofy and they can be fun and they can be emotional and they can be scary. Again, deliver for me those 22 actual emotions that we, that we learned about Greg. I can't wait to see more and.

I can connect you to.

Finding where you are again. My only thought for anybody who is intimidated by the idea of creating a bucket list or thinking of the things they want to do with their life or the legacy that they want to leave, put all that aside and just.

Start and just find a moment that is going to make you feel and is going to affirm something about you and is something you've always wondered about and could you and would you and should you and just do it. And as Dan said, at some point the journey starts pulling you forward and that's a remarkable and beautiful observation and it is absolutely true. Laura has talked about this, Ethan has talked about this, others in the panel have referenced that. Don't worry about, fall back on my journalism skills. If a journalist sits down and puts together a list of 20 questions and then just goes into the interview and asks those 20 questions in order, they are not doing their job. You need to respond to every answer you get and allow yourself to be open to wherever the conversation is going to. And that is certainly true of these journeys that we are talking about today. Don't be weighted down by what the expectations are that you set for yourself or that others set for you. Just maybe craft a list, a grouping of ideas, a collection of thoughts and just begin to act on them and see where it leads. See where the first one goes to the second one to the third one and expect that there's going to be one and a half popping in there and maybe two and two thirds and something's going to change along the way and be open to those changes and chase those changes. Because in those unforeseen paths are the miracles.

I've got two things I'd like to say and follow up to that. First, my dog has had her head or paw on me this whole time because she has heard your guys's voices and she is so. She, she wants you to pet her so bad.

She.

She is looking around the kitchen for you and cannot find you. So that's the first thing. And second thing is the story. When my, my oldest daughter, when she was in preschool, I lived in Kansas City and I had a band. I played guitar and was singer in a band. And at a church at her preschool graduation, they asked her, what do you want to be when you grow up? She said, well, I want to play violin. My daddy's band. Well, Fast forward and 10 years later, I don't have a band anymore. We're no longer in Kansas City. And she is getting ready to graduate from Missouri State University where she's studying music education. And she has played violin in the orchestra and she's toured and got to play violin all over the place. And a couple weekends ago, she got the opportunity. She had her senior recital. This is what she has been preparing.

For for four years.

And so about six, eight months ago, I said, oh, hey, I got. I should play with you at your senior recital. And we just kind of kicked it back and forth and whatever. And it was kind of a joke and you're kind of. Well, yeah, yeah, whenever. Within about four or five months later, she says, all right, so what are we going to play? And I was like, you don't understand. Your skill level far surpasses what I can do and I'm not there. Well, we picked out a song and then I had to go to practices in front of her professor. And I was so nervous and all this stuff. It finally came time to play and I. I don't remember the last time I was this nervous. I mean, literally there are 10,000 people who can do what I can do on a guitar for every one person that can do what she could do on a violin. And we went and we were the encore. And it came out at the end. We played our three minute song. It was a medley of pieces from the movie how to Train youn Dragon, which just. I can talk about how to train the dragon. As long as you want to talk about that movie.

Don't spoil it. I don't want to know.

And how when we got done, it just. It brought a full circle. This was on this little girl we wanted to play in my band. I am now honored to be part of the story that she is bringing into the world and to celebrate her music that she is now going to pass on to the next generation. And so. But when I started in a band, I never saw that coming.

But, man, what.

What a fun adventure it was.

Is that the same daughter that asked you about the game of catch?

They bucked it. So they both get pulled under that.

One by inspiring children. Okay.

I'm in awe of them. The younger one is an artist, and she's getting ready to graduate high school this weekend. She got bored last summer and painted a mural on our fence. And we're now the. Oh, we know where the Brian's. They look at the house with the whale on the fence. And so much like Dan has been inspired by his sights, my daughters have inspired me greatly.

As someone who did this for my father, that inspires me a lot. Ethan. And as you're talking, I just keep thinking about how beautiful it is that you. First of all, they requested that you do something that sent you on this journey, and it got you in touch with your authentic self. And now you're helping them be their authentic selves. That's how my relationship with my dad was. That's really inspiring and cool. And it keeps making me think about how when I first saw my dad's bucket list, one of the things that popped into my head was, oh, yeah. I mean, he would do selfish stuff all the time. Of course. Of course he did this, but it wasn't selfish. He just was very invested in bettering himself. That was just something he believed in. And I think there is a misconception sometimes of writing down a list of things that you yourself are going to do. I can see people saying, oh, but that takes me away from the other people in my life and things I could be doing for them. But the truth is, if you invest in yourself too, your well doesn't go empty. You have more to give to other people. And one of the things that I discovered doing my dad's bucket list is that I'm enabling myself to just be who I am. And now that has turned me into a person who helps other people do that. I see it more in other people. So because I was able to flip the script by finally focusing on something for me and going on all these adventures, I figured out how to look at things in a more positive light in that way. And I started to appreciate what people were giving me with each list item as opposed to what they weren't so, I mean, Mary and I have talked about this before. I mean, sometimes you plan something with someone and they just don't show up. How do you deal with that? And, Dan, I think you had that happen to you sometimes. And you know what? It's okay. It's okay that that happens. You learn to just brush it off because you're on a mission anyway, and you're going to keep doing it. And instead, protection's a form of protection.

That's what I like to think.

Well, yeah. And there's a.

If they didn't show up, they weren't meant to be on your journey.

Right. That's exactly what I started to see. Sometimes people aren't going to be aligned with this big thing that I'm doing here. And there was a shift that started to happen for me where I started suddenly to be more grateful for things. The best way I can explain it is for a long time, I was very focused on the date that my dad died, which was August 8th, that I would see 88 everywh. 88. 88 all the time. And then during the list, there are so many things that were 54. There are 54 list items. My dad lived for 54 years. I went to Super Bowl 54. The final score at the Rose bowl was 54. Even when I got a bike to train for my first triathlon, it had the number 54. It was like there were just so many. And all of a sudden, I started shifting my thoughts to, wow, you lived for 54 years. I'm so lucky to have had you in my life. And I think there's just something about giving this gift to yourself of going after your dreams or going after somebody else's that it just shifts the way you look at it and you start seeing life as a gift as opposed to a given. In turn, it doesn't make you more selfish because it makes you able to better connect with everybody around you.

Yeah.

You're making me realize that it's not even so much about the list. And I think you guys have said this, and I think I'm finally. It's finally gaching. It's kind of understanding yourself as you're doing the list. So even if during this challenge, even if we threw out a random bucket list item and then gave them instructions on their emotions and how they could get to know themselves through the item, that's something that we might want to explore, too.

I don't know if anyone's read the book the Fox, the Mole, the Boy, or some Mixing up the order. But I remember when I first met up with Laura, or at least, I.

Mean, we've only gotten to see each.

Other so many times. We were talking at one point and she said something along the lines of, how did you and Laura, you can correct me, but something about, how did you get so good at just asking for help? And I had never thought about that. I stayed with strangers, so I asked people all over America, can I stay with you? Or can you share a story with me? Or where's the gas station? But there was all these questions, and so I was asking for help so often that I didn't even realize that's what I was doing. I think it was just. But then I. My best friend got me that book for my birthday last year. And when I was reading it, one of the questions that they say in it was, what is the bravest thing you ever did or asked? And it was help for help. And it made me cry and it made me think about it. And I just think going off of everyone's advice, which was all great advice that everyone said today about how to just start and how to get on that journey, don't be afraid to ask for help because people want to help. And that's what I learned all over our country, is that people are desperate to help right now and they just don't know what exactly to do. So if we ask them for help, then they'll hopefully come through and help you out. And so don't just depend on solely yourself to figure out your bucket list and your journey and your next steps. Let people inspire you. And Dan, I hope you do end up writing a book or telling your story because it's so inspiring.

Yeah. Well, thank you. I tend to one of the things, some of the people that are closest to me realize that I haven't opened up and shared my last 14 catches yet because I'm afraid of that conclusion of my journey. But, yeah, I really intend on writing that book. So thank you.

I can't wait to read it.

Thank you so much, you guys, for being here. And I just feel. I mean, this is beyond anything I could have imagined for a Do the Thing bucket list challenge expert panel. It just went into so many different layers that I can't wait to listen back and really just feel into what the best way to approach the challenges. But I think there's so many great things that have been inspired from this. And Laura, thank you for putting this amazing group together and for doing everything that you've done, because it feels like this, there's so much that's going to come out of just everything that you're doing and then from this as well.

Thanks. I mean, to be fair, Jeff sort of introduced me to Dan and Ethan, so it's not like some, some came in chunks, but Dan, what you were saying, I really think something is going to show up that's going to help you have a soft landing. I always think about when I checked off skydive at least once. I think it's funny that my dad said at least once, like he thought he was going to do it a few times, but as I was approaching the ground, I swear it was like a hand had just come in and was underneath of me. And the skydive instructor said, that's the softest landing I've ever seen. I really think there's something to be said for the energy you've put out into the world and that is going to come back because I really think it works that way. And each one of you who's sitting in this room right now, and Gregory, I'm just meeting you today, but you've helped me too, just from talking to you and learning about what you do for people. But each person in this room has helped me in some unpredictable way. After meeting Mary, I got a little bit better at asking for help because that was something I was, you know, Craig's known me a long time and that was something I was not good at doing and he could testify to that. I just feel like anybody who sets out to do something they care about in this way is going to find something like that. You're going to find a group of like minded and like hearted people and it could only expand your world. It's. I couldn't make it smaller. So I, I'm very grateful that all of you decided to take a chance and show up for this and, and give it your all. Thank you.

Hey, thank you.

This may vary our concluding conversation in another direction, so forgive me, Stacy, but Dan just referenced it. I know Laura's gone through this. Both of you had defined ends to your bucket list challenges, if indeed that's the proper phrase to describe them.

How did you deal with that weight of thinking, it's over, I've done it, I'm finished? Dan.

Well, physically I knew what it ended. I know emotionally I was still, and I still, till today, I'm, I'm hanging on to. I understand when I write these last 14 passages on my experiences that I am wrapping it up and I still feel that need to hold On. There's been a couple things along the way that's proven to me that I need to keep connecting with people, and I still need to keep honoring E and playing catch. I did receive my new glove from Rawlings, which they had customized the glove to honor Ethan. I got that in the mail about a week ago. So I think it's affirmation that I still have some unfinished work out there. So I'm slowly getting there.

And for me, it was something I was dreading. Jeff, when you and I met, I hadn't reached the end yet, and I think I remember talking about that with you. And one thing that started happening. I know I keep using that phrasing with how I describe my experience, but I don't know how else to say it. One thing that started changing in my life as I did my dad's list is I started changing the way I made choices. So if my heart was telling me, go do something, I would go do it and would ask less questions about it. And one of those things was when I saw Jeff's article and People magazine about Dan and how Dan had been inspired by Ethan, I just. Something struck me that I needed to go and have a catch with Dan. I was just about finished. I still had one list item left. It was have five songs recorded. And I think that trip was really important for me because it was like I was sort of resisting that last list item, and it was starting to develop problems. And I think it's because of that resistance. And even in my hotel room, that was when I met Ethan. I'm texting him saying, oh, I have to record these five songs, and I don't know how to do it. And I had no idea he had a music background. And he started giving me advice. There was just something about the connection that I made that weekend with Dan. I don't want to get emotional about this, but with Dan playing catch, who just from far away, he looked a little bit like my dad. And his energy was so similar to my dad's. And Jeff, just out of the goodness of his heart, took me all over St. Louis and gave me just this most special tour of this wonderful town that I didn't know enough about and was embarrassed I didn't know enough about, But I do now. And it was the tour that my dad would have loved. And it's like these things just seemed to be happening organically that were right. That made me feel like my dad was saying, I'm here with you and this is the end. And that's okay. And when I came home a couple weeks later and I finally did record those five songs, I did it myself in my closet in my bedroom, which is so strange to me. After traveling the world, you know, to do this list, that's where it was. And it was because I finally felt safe doing that. I felt safe being with myself and because I knew I wasn't. I knew he was there. And I believe that now. So as I move forward now with, I have a book and it's coming out pretty soon, I'm doing interviews with it. My hope is that I'm going to continue to meet people, like all of the wonderful people in this room and I'm going to continue to share. I'm looking this whole time at this one of my favorite books, Joseph Campbell, the Hero with a Thousand Faces. This point of my journey is when the hero comes back and they have the potion like they are, they have the treasure, they have the magic thing they found. And what happens is lots of people want it, some people don't. Some people think you're speaking a totally different language. They haven't been through the experience you've been on so they can understand you. And that's okay. It wasn't meant for them. So that's what I feel like is next. I feel like I have gained something here. And it's my calling to use the word that Craig used before, it's my calling to bring that to other people.

And what I'm hearing that I find so lovely. Laura, Dan, Ethan, Mary. Is that even though these journeys of yours, and I just keep using that word journey, because that's the only one that I think is is the right word. Even when you hit a stop sign or the end point, the calendar has run out. You've accomplished the, in Laura's case, the 54 things on dad's list that for all of you, these journeys have not stopped. You are still talking about what you've done. You are still connecting with people. That just simply has opened a door to continuing conversations which has continued to connect you with people. And I just find that beautiful.

Mary, Mary, you're doing that too, aren't you? Can you talk about your make a wish stuff that you've been working on?

I mostly am doing anything I can to procrastinate writing my book. But yes, I.

Turn or bed officially into a non profit.

Yay.

Bank account is not exactly thriving. But the projects are just pouring in with small things that I can do right now in just my community. But yeah, I connected with a Woman on my trip who, in honor of her son who passed away from cancer. Right before he passed, he met someone that was in the hospital and had been diagnosed a month after his 18th birthday. And so he aged out of make a wish. And this woman's son just kept talking to the kid and got home that night and told his mom. He was like, my new friend Nate. He didn't get a wish. I got a wish. He didn't get a wish. This is ridiculous. How do you age out? We gotta help him. And my now friend that I met on my journey in Rockford, Illinois, she was like, nick, I'm just trying to help you right now. Let me focus on you and your doctors. And he just kept bringing it up and bringing it up. And he actually sat her down the night before. He was supposed to just have an endoscopy, very simple procedure to see how the cancer was progressing. And he sat her down and he said, mom, we really have to help this kid. And he played a Dave Matthews song for her about, if you want to change the world, just take one step. Then he had his procedure the next morning and the tumor invaded one of his main organs and he passed away. And so just to kind of. She couldn't get that nagging voice out of her head of him saying, we got to help this kid. So she ended up finding Nate and his family in Idaho because they were all in a trial treatment at the time. She found the family and she fundraised in her community and got a wish for him and his family. And it helped her so much that she created something in honor of her son called Nick's wish. And she's given wishes away to kids 18 to 24 with cancer that age out that are in that like forgotten gap. Not childhood cancer, not adult cancer. And so she's given 311 wishes to date. And I stayed with her. So I was like watching her wake up at 4am and be in her basement putting all this stuff together. Then going to her 9 to 5, which is ironically HR, where she has to fire people and ruin their day, but then go back to work till midnight and be making all these other people's days. And her story and mission just impacted me so much. So I've done a lot of work with her and made a little TikTok video and got a bunch of people involved now in different states, kind of Southern Missouri, actually. Ethan. Right? Like Springfield. Yeah, One of our wish people are there. I mean, some of the people just saw the video and realized these people need help getting awareness out and fundraising efforts. And so nine people just from the little TikTok video, which took me five years to make because I don't understand. TikTok came out and said we'd love to help. And so I've just been trying as much as I can to help her organization. So that and. And little random jobs. But yeah, basically just I think a big part, Dan, I can totally relate to that is writing my book. Feels like if once it's finished, although that feels so far away, still feels like it's closing another chapter on my mom and another goodbye to her. And I think that's why I was kind of subconsciously not getting it done. But now that I've created this other thing to keep more good alive and keep her memory alive, it's helping me move forward in my writing. So it's not letting it go necessarily, just going to the next thing that you'll continue to honor. Honor your son with.

Thank you so much, you guys, for being here and for the listeners. We are super excited about you joining the do the Thing Bucket List challenge. We are going to announce when it's going to be, sometimes soon. And all the details will be listed in the challenge group. So thank you everyone for joining today. And don't forget, do the thing. Don't wait for opportunity, create it.