Episode 214 - Gary Menkes On Struggles That Led Him To Change Other People's Lives

I do really believe 100% from every part of me that everyone has the capacity to be able to do the things that they want and not to be held back by the mental baggage that's in our head that we want to push through.

Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. In each episode, we get down and personal with people who go after the things they want to make all their wildest dreams come true. Join us as we unveil and dissect a formula for what it takes to do the thing. Here is your host, Stacy Lauren.

Hey, everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacy Lauren. Well, I am excited. I have been doing the Thing, and as I get to do new things, I get to meet new people, which is one of the things that I love most about Doing the thing that I think I even discovered as I've been doing this podcast is that's really the power behind doing the things that you want to do is getting to meet the people along the way and getting that connection with people who want the same thing as you and that want to grow in the same way. And I had recently joined Ryan Moran's NFT mastermind group. We're called the Capitalism Pigs, which is kind of a funny name, but that's how I met my next guest. We were in Austin, and we got to stay at this really cool house and got to have all these really cool experiences and definitely had a lot of good conversations with my next guest that I'm excited to share with you guys because he is definitely doing the thing, and he's been through a lot and is now coming on the other side of it. He's just recently started a new podcast. I'm excited to talk to him about that and so many other things. So I'm excited to welcome Gary to the show. Hey, Gary.

Stacy. Great to see you. You brought up that first Mastermind. You know, you're the first person that I really had a conversation with that weekend, too. I remember clearly sitting out by the fire pit, I think it was. Sun was kind of just going down. But you and I have talked for a real long time. It's funny. You meet people and you mentioned the relationships you make. Right. And that's one of the most amazing parts that I've been finding as well in podcasting is the people I've been giving to meet. But I met you at that Mastermind, and now you're doing the thing. You were telling me about the other thing then, and you're one of those people. I gotta Say is that you are a doer. As soon as I saw you doing what you were doing and then I went live on Facebook, I am amazed and not surprised at all. And I think you're gonna kill it at whatever you put your mind to.

Yeah, thanks for saying that. It's funny as you're saying that I'm actually, I'm doing the thing, but I'm actually stopping doing the thing a little bit with the podcast where no one's gonna notice, but. And I haven't recorded an episode on it. I might. But I decided to pause doing interviews over the summer. So you're actually going to be one of my last interviews that I do before the fall, which is kind of exciting that you said that because I think sometimes when you stop the thing, even if you love it and you get a lot out of it, that lets you almost expand more. And I'm already starting to see messages of new things that I want to explore just by quieting the noise down of something that I've been doing for a while now.

Yeah, I think you bring up a really good point. Taking a pause or taking a break to kind of refresh. When you're in it, you're in it, right? You take a step back. And I think this summer is probably a great time to do that. And I'm honored that I'm going to be one of the last episodes before you do pause. But I think that is a smart and wonderful idea because I think you take a step back and you get some new, fresh ideas. I'm sure you've got tons knowing you, but you get new, fresh ideas and I'm sure you're going to come back to it with another vengeance. A lot of fresh, new things to come. So I think that sounds like a really good idea.

Well, I'd love to have you share all about you and your story.

So my story, it's funny. I was on a podcast this morning. I got interviewed for a sober podcast actually. Just, just went on, just. They, they got it recorded this morning, 6am and it just went live. And I think we talked about that fire pit. You know, I've been sober for, for 17 years. I celebrated 17 years sobriety May 13th of this year. And it's just kind of a full circle, I think, moment for me. I joined Ryan Moran's Incubator. I'm one of the people that joined the Incubator without a product. Like, I always have this dream of having an E Commerce or a business on the side or something. I can really build. And I joined the incubator thinking, all right, this is an investment. This will get me from being a entrepreneur, which I am ideas on a notepad, to being an entrepreneur during the day. I worked for a Brazilian investment bank, so. And it's very entrepreneurial in that sense. But I wanted something for my myself and I always have, always had a dream. And so I joined his incubator and I'm no closer to having a physical products e commerce brand. But lo and behold, the last two months or so, I started going down the podcasting route. And I think it started. I really can't even put a finger on it because coming in here, Stacy, podcasting was nowhere near on my radar. Didn't interest me. I like listening to him sometimes. It never thought putting myself in the interviewer seat, if you will. And so I don't know, some people in our group, they started podcasting and I was like, what would I talk about? I like to talk about mindset. And I love athletes and I love sports, but I love the mindset of the competitor, if you will. And so, yeah, that's pretty cool. You know, I could talk to anyone about that stuff, but it just didn't really like the fire. And then it just kind of happened. I don't know. I said, what can I really talk about? What am I passionate about? You hear that word? Or what are you passionate about? And I'm passionate about helping people realize that they can turn their life around. And I've been sober, like I said, for a while, and I hear these amazing stories almost every day of people, of miracles, honestly, miracles, people turning their lives around and just incredible stories, Amazing, heart wrenching, but beautiful stories. And I remember when I was early on trying to get sober and I was struggling and I was in and out. And I remember my girlfriend at the time, amazing girl, who is now my wife, a long time ago, she gave me a book. It was called Courage of the Change. And in the book was. There was, I remember like Pete Townsend was in there and celebrities with a chapter talking about how they changed their life around sobriety. And I remember that helped me just to know that there's other people, maybe people, public people that are sober and they're sharing their story. And I remember that. And you know, here I am again, 17 years later, and I'm thinking people still need to hear that. People need to hear those stories of could be a celebrity. Doesn't have to be a celebrity. It could be a CEO. Like, I met so many people before I started this Podcast, you know, high levels of business that have sober for X amount of years a long time, that almost lost their job and now they're CEOs or even people down this, you know, the proverbial street that were on the verge of losing their family and found sobriety and started a business, started a lawn care business wherever they may be, and look where they are now. And I think my dream is not Gary Mankey's helping. I, I do have a motto. I, I do want to help one person every day. Like, that's just go out and help one person today. I feel like if I stay focused there, then more people can get helped each day. But I say that because perhaps at scale with a podcast, it's something I am passionate about and something I enjoy. I've been doing it only for, honestly only been recording podcasts for about a month, Stacy. And I'm having so much fun doing it and I'm meeting so many people and I haven't even tapped into my network about this. I told a few people that I really trust, and the feedback that I've gotten on it has been just off the charts. And I just keep getting more excited about it. I'm absolutely feeling like there's something, there's a higher, higher power at work here. And I was saying it's not about me helping the audience. It's. It's the platform and someone come. I want them. The mission statement basically is to come and inspire and to showcase those who have overcome alcoholism or addiction to find a newfound purpose in sobriety. And I want to find most people that turn their lives around and are willing to share their stories. And I think there's a stigma to be broken. I think it's way better than when I 17 years ago, but it was ways to go. I'm a bit of an outlier where I, I'm. My anonymity. I don't, I don't really care. There's not a sign in my car or anything like that. And I'm not a big sign. But I want people to know because I want if someone. And I was very open on that at the Mastermind, someone needs help, you know, maybe I'm an option. Here's my phone number again. So it's been amazing journey to have full circle to get where I am. And like my wife, she's heard every crazy idea, entrepreneurial idea that I've ever had. And I was working on something before this, and this came and I put together this mission statement and recorded it. And I was Like, I think this might be my last one. Sorry, here it goes. And I sent it to her and she like, she's like, gary, drop everything else. Like, this is so you. I mean, and then she. Even this morning I got the podcast sent to me that it was. I'm telling my entire sober story, and I sent it to her, and she's like. And she. Oh, she also leads back up. She'd be the first one that. She'd be my toughest, critical. And she'd be like, gary, no. Or, you need to fix this. But she's like, this is what you're meant to do. And so I'm just. I'm really excited for it and I'm doing the thing. And like I said, it's. It's already bigger than me, Stacy. There's no turning back now.

Yeah. And I love so much about this because there's something about that activation of voice, right, with something hard that you've gone through to be able to come on the other side and then to be able to speak to it, whether on your own, through a computer and being able to talk that way or just connect with another person about it, because then it's humming alive even more. Just the growth that you've had since going through that.

It really is. And even at the event we were at the end of April, Capcom, everyone I shared this with, even if it wasn't them directly, everyone has some kind of relation somewhere to someone or their dear friends or someone in their family, someone relatively. I think it's probably one or two degrees of separation at worst, or at best, if you will. That was. So they just opened up to me, and I'm just amazed by it. I like to have real deep conversations. I know you do. We did right away, but just sharing. And I was nervous, too. Like I said, I'm going to go to Capcom. I'm going to tell my friends what I'm up to. And part of me was a little, like, butterflies about it. I don't know. Who knows? It's a little. It's not your everyday topic. That's not what everyone's talking about every day. It's not an entrepreneur scenario podcast. But like I said, everyone has some kind of connection somewhere and they opened up and someone's like, my girlfriend just stopped checking. What are you thinking about this? My husband is struggling, and this has been happening. My grandmother, my grandfather was, you know, just maybe have a. Just a more real conversation and connect on a little bit of a deeper level, I guess.

Well, yeah. And I mean, the way I see it, just from looking from here, it's like alcohol is the thing, right? But that thing could be replaced with anything that you feel like you're meeting. And when you come on the other side of that, it's like you've already. And I don't want to say this for you, but I think just generally when people, and I've noticed this through the podcast, is like, when people feel like they've lost it all, then it's like there's nowhere to go. So then that's when your expansion really can happen, because that's when you're able to move up, because everything that you thought was there is now gone. And then you're able to lift yourself up, which then is what's able to then lift others up, too.

Yeah, I think that's a good point, though. But I would add, for me, you don't really know. And, yeah, I was faced with losing everything. I can go. I could tell you some of the stories, but I was off to a bad start. But you don't realize it. You don't know. I didn't know I was even getting better. I didn't know. All I knew is I didn't want to live that way anymore, and I just wanted to stop drinking. At the beginning, when it was other people, I would say, like, oh, my God, you're so much different now. Really. I was the last person almost to see it. Stepping back now and do a lot of reflection, like I do, and like, I just celebrated an anniversary of 17 years. So I put myself back to where I was 17 years ago. The day before May 13, May 12, 2006. I was in a really bad place. I was sitting alone in an apartment in New York City in the west village on West 12th street, with the. With the shades drawn, drunk as a skunk all along. And I was a relatively young guy, 31 years old at the time. The first time I went to an A is when I went away to rehab, when I was. When I was 26 years old. So I fought it four years. I fought it my whole life. I was, you know, looking back, I'm not sure if you want to talk about this, but I will be. Looking back, I was an alcoholic from the get go. I come from. You know, I had a. I guess a normal upbringing from where I grew up. I grew up in a great town, Port Washington, Long Island, New York. But it's a funny town where. Where I grew up, there's kind of a rougher area, this blue Collar area, lot of broken families, families making ends meet area. And still best friends with that same group. Like to this day, kindergarten, first grade, I'm in a chat with all of them still to this day. They're still our best friends. Cherish those, those relationships with those guys. But like if you walked up the street a little bit and you hopped over a couple of fences, I'm talking like half a mile away, you caught over fence and you're a town called Sands Point which is one of the wealthiest places in the United States. Certainly up there when I was a kid for sure mansions so and we all went to school together. So I didn't realize it at the time. I realized it now. I was uncomfortable in my own skin as a kid growing up. I was uncomfortable people were gonna find out what's going on in my house. I had an active dad doing. There was always some rough and tumble guys coming in and out of the house all the time. And I saw things that are normal, 8, 9, 10 year old kids. I was supposed to see there's a lot of drug use out. And I do want to say just enough that he's ever going to hear this podcast, but I love my dad. I have a relationship with him and we've had our ups and downs but he did the best he could too. He was, he was sick as well. He just, he didn't know it. He didn't know that there was an option. Maybe he can listen to a podcast, you know, 30 or 40 years ago, I don't know. But I drank kind of abnormally from the get go. You know, I started normal. I started, I think as most kind of kids do around us, you know, you go into your parents liquor cabinets and you start drinking it and get a little older. You start going out and you start asking people to buy us booze on the weekends. And I got a lot of trouble right off the bat. 16 years old. It was the night before Thanksgiving. It's a big night in my town. I think it's a big night in most towns, but it's really big night in my town. Like the whole entire town goes out. I was with my older cousins, I got three amazing older cousins. I'm going to chat with them too this day, speak to them every single day, all day. I was with them all day and they kept talking about going out. Finn McCool's, which is the, the main, main bar in Port Washington, everyone's going to be there. And I had it in my head, you know, like I'm going to that bar tonight. I'm going. And so lo and behold, we went out that night. And the way they went out, and I went and snuck in the bar and I knew everyone in the bar and they were like, nice job you got in here. And it was fun for a while. I was really getting after it again. I was, I was by far the youngest one in this bar. I was by far the smallest one in the bar. And a fight breaks out with my older cousins and spills out into the street. And I was in no position to, like, you know, rough anybody up. Talking. Yeah, wrong. But the police showed up. They went right after one of my cousins tried to arrest him. And I woke up Thanksgiving morning with a first degree assault from a police officer. I allegedly broke this cop's nose and they arrested me, beat me up in the back. They took me in train to the police station and beat me up. My head handcuffed. And you have these moments or. I have many of these moments. I. I have the gift of a memory, though. Like, even my friends, I remember stuff. It's just something that I have. And there's something about waking up in Nassau County. Minneola jail is 16 years old with a first degree assault of a police officer. It's a felony. It's a lot of trouble. And I remember going into. They called the bullpen before you go see the judge, and there's a bunch of rough guys in there, big guys, and they're like, what are you? What are you, dwi, kid? I was like, nah. And they're like, what did you do? And I was like, salt to the police officer. Whoa. Yeah, like, Like I got respectful. It's crazy. You know, I was there. All right, so. But then I'm walking out and I remember, and I spoke about it this morning. I remember, like, it was yesterday. The person, the jail guard, he looked at me, he said, how old are you? I said, I'm 16 and I'm not going to curse on your podcast.

But he said, you can.

I can. So he said, I should probably ask everyone before, because I take.

But. So he asked me, how old are you? And I said, I'm 16. He looked me right in the eye and he went, nice life. Nice life twice. Like, he was so.

And it hit me, I was like, yeah, nice life here. Like, what do you. What's gonna. This is not a good start. And that was my first foray, let me tell you. That was. That was a heck of a foray into trouble. That was a real doozy to start Things off. I have a DWI after that. I used to fight. I'm not proud to say front of you, but I did it. I assaults, you know, I, I, I was off to the racial. So I was, I was a doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. You never knew what you were going to get. I could be the happiest guy in the place and really quickly I could be the nastiest guy in the place. And you know us, you know, you knew I was there every time. And it's funny to continual, continual learning process about myself. But I heard this recently and I keep going but soda for a while or this just recently, last few months that I was uncomfortable in my own skin. Sky said I was uncomfortable my own skin. Alcohol made me feel better. And I say that was me. That was me. And sobriety has given me so much. I can't even start to, you know, actually I will. That's why we're here, right? We're here to kind of talk about this. So I'll finish up my story a little bit if that's all right. You know, fast forward. I was, I was 16 years old then. Fast forward a few years later. I thought I was going to be a tree or bartender. I was bartending out in Montauk in the summers. I was bartending up close to where I live in New York in spring and fall. And I was gonna write this beautiful idea. I was gonna go to Key west and I was gonna be a career bartender. I was in a bartender Key west and New York. I was bartending in the bar in town in my hometown of Porter Washington. Guy came in and said, what are you doing here? I said, what are you, what I do here? You gotta come work for me. And he was this big wig at some Wall street firm. He said, you're going to kill it. He said, you will kill it in my business. Come to work for me tomorrow. And I saw, let me, let me go follow this up. Maybe I can make something on myself. And I went and I went to work for him. I was still marching at night. And it turns out his firm was like a boiler room type place. And they were just trying to sell stock to anyone they could. And I didn't know what they were doing. I never once sold a stock share to anyone. I, I always was like, I can't speak about, I don't know enough about this. I'm not going to sell any stock to my mom. I'm certainly not going to sell any stock to some stranger on the phone. Just So I can make money and. But what happened was I took my tests there, I got licensed as a broker to work or a trader. And so I was only there a few months. They ended up shutting the place down. I was long gone. But my girlfriend, same girlfriend who's, who's my wife too, her brother was, was a sales trader at one of the big investment banks. One of the big bulge brackets. Solomon Smith, real firm, real stuff going on. And he brought me in and he got my foot in the door and I was at a, a real low level support role supporting the traders and sales traders. And I went to this, I started there in February of 2001 and I just looked it up before I got on. It's a little more than a half a mile away from the World Trade center, right down to the line. So I'm there February 2001 and September 11, 2001. We all know what happens. And I'm right there and I'm outside blowing a butt when the first plane hits. And so go back upstairs and there was a, there's a big Wall street train floor. It's probably a couple hundred people on this floor, you know, huge ceilings. I mean it is real. What you would think. I think and first glance and you're like, oh man, that's awful. How could that happen? You know? And a few minutes later this big rough tough guy who I know from Brooklyn came running up on the floor screaming, that was not by accident. Screaming. That wasn't an accident. No, it was on purpose. And we're all going, what is he telling about? What's he talking about? And we go back outside in the second Planets and so I don't know why I always bring, bring it up. I guess it's a big part of, of my story because I seem to always go to it. I don't plan on talking about 911, really don't, but I seem to always get here. And so we were right there, people jumping and we had to evacuate our building. Every business, everyone down in that area, everyone had to evacuate. So we all evacuate and we just started walking north. And so I wasn't like super tight with the guys that I worked with at this time. And I'm walking up and I run into a neighborhood buddy. He got a couple years older than me, but, you know, same kind of circle, you know, played a lot of sports and I've known him for, for a long time and he was in the, he's in the World Trade center and so I hooked up with him and we went back to his house, his apartment, on university. He lost one of his very best friends that day. I watched the towers fall right in front of our eyes with him. And I bring that up because that was. I always thought I wanted to have a family. And that was the first time like I gave up on stuff. I was like, I don't want to bring a kid into this world. This is. I was really. Everyone was. I was really in a bad place, but we all were. But it was like I didn't lose anyone of real closeness to me, but I know so many people that did. And I just feel like I was at memorials and funerals and churches for about two months, maybe longer. When Rudy Giuliani show up, it was just, it was non stop. It was just non stop. And I bring that up because that was September 11, 2001. A few months later, I'm out at work April 2002, and we go out on Thursday night. These guys take me out and I go out and was becoming my mo. I just did another jigs and I was hanging out with them. I would leave because I like no one could kind of party the way I wanted to. And I was a real isolator. Like I loved, loved to be by myself. I wouldn't even necessarily do bad things, but I would just be by myself, just in a dark place and just really drinking. Absurdly for a young man, you know, just to oblivion. And so I never showed up to work Friday, I didn't call, I just kept going. Saturday went out Sunday, Monday came. I'm still on this bender and I still haven't shown up. I still haven't called. The phone's ringing when I am at home and I'm not answering it. And the next day, Tuesday, I get a FedEx knock on my door and I have to sign for it. It was kind of almost like being served. But I get a FedEx knock and open it up and it's from work and it says, garen, if you are alive, you must contact us, otherwise your position is terminated. We've been trying to contact you in your mia and so I thought kind of quickly on my feet, being completely honest. I'm not one of my personals, but I had it in my head somewhere that, like, if I went away to rehab, they can't fire me just yet. And so I called them and I said, I am alive and I have a problem, and I have a problem with alcohol and I need to go away. And he said, okay, go do what you gotta do. And so my girlfriend came over and I was in a bad place. I was curled up, crying. I was in a little bomb spot. And I went upstate to this place called St. Christopher's call the miracle on the Mountain. That was. That was April 2002. And it's run by a bunch of friars. It's really a beautiful place for men. And there's a lot of sobriety, this place. And I went up there, and it's another one of those moments I can remember. It's the first time I went to an A. There was an A meeting. He had to go every single night. Today he went to group therapy during the day, and you had to go to an A meeting at the end of the day. Remember sitting in this room and went around and I said, I'm Gary. I'm an alcoholic. And thinking my world just over. Now look at where you are. I can remember the first time saying it. I remember the blue under the paint on the walls. And I said, my life as I know it is over. Or I lost all my friends. Certainly not going to probably lose this job when I get back. Certainly not going to be in this industry. Not even a production, a support role. And I can't even get to work. And so. But seeds were planted. So all I had to do when I was done with that 30 days was go to a meeting when I got back home and. And I went back out. I don't think it lasted 90. I know it lasts 90 days. And I went back to work. That was a difficult day of adversity, going back to that trading floor when I knew every person in here knew my story. I knew I didn't show up, and I knew I went anymore. I went to rehab, but I went back and smoked. I think I smoked four or five cigarettes before I even went indoor, but I did. And like I said, I went back out. And I went back out for four years. I stayed. I kept the job. Somehow, I guess they saw something where they. Where they kept me. And it was funny how things happen. And I honestly don't know really what happened on May 12, 2006. May I mentioned earlier, but something came over me. I was. Maybe I was given gift desperation. I was given the gift of surrender, but I just didn't want to do it anymore. And I kind of gave up. And I knew at one point I had to stop drinking for sure. But I was never going to go back to those meetings and never go back to aa, where I got sober. And I'm very active to this day. And saved my life. So the next day, May 13, I called Nara Group in New York City, Alcoholics Anonymous, and I went to a meeting, and I started for next, I don't know, a year. That's all I did was go to work, come home to give me a pamphlet, and I would go to a meeting, maybe two meetings every single day. And, you know, coincidence or no coincidence, four months in sobriety, I get promoted from this job of support to being on a trading desk and covering accounts and really getting into it. And I still do that to this day, which is really amazing because a lot. The industry has changed so much, and there's so many quality people in my industry that aren't in my industry anymore for numerous reasons. Not nothing bad, but just. It's hard. There's one thing. There's no job security in this industry now. And you can do well, but there's no job security, really. But I work in a great firm now and have been here for going on eight years, and super entrepreneurial. I can work from home, kind of wherever I want. I go in just because I want to. But it's been a heck of a ride, really. Been a heck of a ride. As far as on the career side.

Yeah. Your story is amazing. I mean, from you going to rehab from years before. Right. And then you ended up getting sober, it sounded like years after that. And so I'm just wondering, what do you think? And I know you mentioned kind of not sure what happened specifically on that date, May 12, but what do you think now that we're talking about it? What do you think really helped you really do the thing finally and be able to. To do it again?

You don't know you're doing the thing or the thing is happening at the time. But I will tell you that my. My mom is one of 10, and I am the first grandchild on my mom's side. I'm super proud of that. I'm the first key grandchild. Really, really means a lot to me. But so I had a ton of young cousins that looked up to me, and they're still coming as cousins, you know, because it's a big, giant Irish valley. But they looked up to me. And I remember sitting that night on. On May 12, thinking about them, thinking, like, is this what you're gonna show them? Is this what, you know? Is this the leader you are? Not that I was a leader for them, but just not even a role model. But like I said, they looked up to me. They did. And I was an athlete. I played Sports. We live out in Long Island. I was working in New York City, which is a huge deal for them. Like, oh my God, it was a big deal for me too, actually, until you're there. But I remember thinking about them and I remember thinking like, I'm not being a good role model for these guys. I'm not saying like it was, it was them. And honestly, I don't know really what happened, but something was different that night. Completely them ever before. And like I said, from the time I went to rehab to the time I'd been sober, it was a four year battle. And I've heard it in the rooms too. And this certainly applies to me. And again, you just don't realize it, but I was engaged in a battle, a mental battle every single day and I didn't even know it. Take away the troubles that I mentioned in the places that I go, or even going out drinking, take away that I would sit as a 26 year old man, I would sit at my desk all day long talking to myself, saying, I'm not going out tonight, not going out tonight, not going out tonight. Then 12 o' clock, lunchtime, you feel a little bit better, but I'm still not coming out tonight. I'm not going out tonight. And then at 4:30, 5:00, abyss, I'm out. And I wouldn't come home and I'd go out all night. I mean, this was the cycle, vicious cycle. I would, sometimes when I was on Long Island, I would commute into the city and I would, I would be praying that the train's gonna break down because I just want to, I just want to sleep on this train. That sounds so absurd, but it's so absurd. It really is. It sounds so absurd because it is. But it's real. And it's a real mental, It's a disease of spiritual disease. It's a mental disease, it's a physical disease and it's a disease not everyone can understand. And I think that's why there's so the stigma. But you know, it brought me here and that's why the podcast is. It's a really full circle moment. I want to say almost, but I think it, it's going to be a real full circle moment because you hear the words or I've heard this so many times, like a grateful alcoholic. And for so long, Stacy, I was, I was calling like, listen, I'm super grateful I'm here and glad I'm sober, but calling BS on being a grateful alcoholic, that I'm grateful that I am an alcoholic. No way. But guess what? They are right. Also, that. That is correct. I heard this, and it applies to me 100%. We could put a sticker on everything that I have and just say property of AA or property in my sobriety. That's me. And just to really drive that point on, when I was 10 years sober, my wife bought me an anniversary card. She gets me out of her well. When I was 10 years over, she got me an anniversary part. And she said, I'm so proud of you. Look how far you've come, look how much you've changed. You look in the mold of your family and just, we're so proud of you. But just think, if you didn't get sober, your children wouldn't exist. It wouldn't be here. And I fill up every time I say that. My ego wants to take that back a little bit, but I can't because it's so true. Because if I was still out there, I wouldn't be married, I wouldn't have a family, my kids, children wouldn't have been born. So I honestly owe everything to sobriety. And now this podcast that I am embarking on, I'm hoping to help again. I think I said at the beginning I want to help one person today. You know, podcast obviously can hopefully help more than one person, but talk about coming full circle. And like I said, there's things I regret for sure, just like most people, but I am exactly where I'm supposed to be right now, and I'm totally convinced of that. And I do things differently than I did 17 years ago. I've also been given the gift of an open mind. I used to be just so tunnel vision and just knew nothing. And now, now I know. I know nothing. Like, I have a super open mind. Like, I am open to anything because I really don't know any. I've been given so many gifts. Like, I just send biggest gifts. You know, I'm my fan, my wife, my kids are on my world, that they're everything to me. But I've been giving gifts like integrity and words like responsibility here in sobriety. I wasn't like that before. Now I get phone calls and real life phone calls. Maybe someone needs help with something or they want some advice. I might be the first call for a lot of people. You know, I wasn't. Not only was I not a phone call, but I was the last person you couldn't. Couldn't get in touch with me. Like, couldn't go near me. I'll say this Other little thing. It's a lot of little things, Stacy. Like, I used to not be able to answer the phone, even in sobriety, years in sobriety. Like, when the phone rang, I couldn't answer it because I don't know what I did the night before. I don't know who was chasing me down. I don't know if I owed something. Now, every single time, like today, right now, honestly, and I mean, bottom of my heart, when that phone is. I have a really quick sense of gratitude that I can answer that phone. I guess it's little things I didn't know. I used to think I wasn't afraid of anything, but I was. You know, I was an adult in stature when I was out there, but inside it was a scared little kid. And I could put fear on almost anything. Like, I could be fearful of what Stacy's gonna think of me. I could be fearful of what that person's gonna think of me. I can. I can feel less than I can feel. I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I don't have enough. And heard this too. I can't admit I didn't win this last line, but it applies to me. And, you know, all roads lead to I suck. And that's where I was. And I'm not. I'm not there today. You know, some days I'll go there because I'm human, but I'll. I'll work my way out of it. But like I said, I was a scared kid inside, but I became a man, hopefully with integrity and a good person.

And so you mentioned earlier the piece of where one day you'd be fine and then another day you'd be angry. People would get a different response from you each day. How did you work through that? Was that through being sober or was that through something else?

Well, when I said that, I think I was alluding to when I was drinking. And that wasn't dayto day. That was second to second. Like, I can go in to party or bar and be the happiest guy in the place. And the drop of a dime, something will change. And I. I think because I really, from a younger on, like, I don't know if I mentioned my sister, but when I was saying, like, I saw things that young boy shouldn't be seeing, guys come, older guys coming in out of the house. Like, I hit a point, Remember that? I had a younger sister. So I had a point where I said to myself at a young age, and I was a skinny little kid, too. I said, to myself. I don't care what I see. I don't care what happens to me. Nothing happened. I don't want to paint the wrong picture, but if my sister sees anything or if anyone goes near my sister, I'm going to lose it. And I started developing this really big chip on my shoulder and that chip in my shoulder would come out and I probably comes from again feeling less than. And so I react. I kind of fight back and I did. I had this chip on my shoulder and it got me to a lot of trouble. It did. I'll say I still have that chip, my shoulder. It's just, it's a little more subdued. And I even ventured that I've used that chip to my advantage sometimes like in a competitive place. I was the only person at that Wall street firm that was in there without a college degree. I didn't apply to one. I was smart kid growing up and by the time I was high school I, I had given up and I didn't play one college in high school and I was a good baseball player too. I went and played junior college for a year baseball and actually played the junior college World Series. That was like the highlight of my career. But. But as perfect Gary Mo I was just playing baseball and partying and I wasn't going to class. So as soon as that season was over, my attendance was zero. I didn't go, just stopped going to school. And so I failed out of there. And so I got to to Wall street and I'm surrounded by the Harvard grads and Ivy Leaguers everywhere and hey, where'd you go to school? I didn't go to school. What do you mean? And you go to school? How'd you get in here? Not really sure. Someone gave me a shot and so they looked at me different. I was always just, I guess always a little different. I always felt a little different. And I met people later on that had different, similar paths than me and they're usually older these days. I don't think there's too many people in many that are going into many careers or real industries without college degree. And that's where I was. So I got those licenses. So I was licensed. I was able to train when I finally got the promotion as I mentioned. But yeah, so you know, I had a chip my shoulder. But I use my point that's what I was bringing up is that helped me in a way too. I was always like, let's go, I'll beat you. I'll learn.

Yeah. Always that open mind with learning I would love to also hear. So you have that job, right? And you're basically at the investment bank, you're trading, you've got this level of success now. And then you decided to join the Incubator. And for those of you listening, Incubator is basically like a program that Gary and I are in together, actually, also in addition to the NFT mastermind, where you're basically converting whatever you're doing into a business and you're either selling online or you're doing some other kind of thing that's revenue related. And so you joined that. So you already had all this level of success, but then you decided, I guess you wanted more, Right. How did that transition for you?

Yeah, so I'm still. I still work today for Brazilian Investment Bank. I think I mentioned that earlier, but I've always had this dream. I want to have my own business. I want to be my own boss, I want to be an owner. I want to. I'm always going to want to use my mind. I'm not looking to retire. I love sitting on a beach, don't get me wrong, but I will sit on the beach when I can. But I'm always going to be using my mind and I'm always going to be working some kind. And so I've always wanted to have my own side. You know, I say a side business, but I want to have supplemental and I want to have the doord serial entrepreneur. Like that really kind of turns me on. I love network and I say that without one business really yet. So that's what I mean. I was in between. So I've always wanted to do something. And so I started following Ryan for a couple years. And again, like I said before, I was. I don't know how many of us join the incubator without a business. In fact, I've told them, you need a business to join that portion. I think, like I said, how it worked for me and now I'm starting a podcast. And so maybe down the road, if there's an audience, I'll come back to some kind of econ. I don't know exactly, but where I'm at now, this might sound silly and I told Greg and the team, those guys, I don't care about monetization right now. I really don't. I just want to get this out and I am going for it. This is going to be it. I know the monetization part is probably going to look something. I have no idea that's going to come of it, but it will if I just focus on the, on this part of it. And so, yes, I mean, and I still, like I said when we talked about relationships, and that's the beauty of it. Right. You know, we met at that, at the fire pit. We're going to be in this group for the next two and a half more years and envision us having a relationship forever. You know, you're someone I totally, totally admire. So I am going to stick into your emails and stick in contact. But again, we're going to be together at events for the next few years.

Yeah, I mean, that's really a realization I had recently is just how powerful that idea of meeting the people along the way of you doing the thing is. And I think this is proof of that. I would love to hear what your number one piece of advice for people is on doing the thing.

I'm doing the thing. Well, it depends. So doing the thing, getting sober, I think that's a little separate, but is do it. Is do the thing right. Is your mind. If there's one piece of advice, I think your mind can be your best advocate and it can be your worst enemy. You need to not listen to the noise. You need to get past the imposter syndrome that I think so many of us have. I'll speak for myself, but you need to just do it. And it's start. It just starts. And if you're trying to start and be perfect out of the gates, that means you're not doing it right. You just need to start and you figure it out as you go. That would be my number one piece of wise. You want just to do a thing, do it and do it now and do three to five things every single day to move the thing forward. Even if you don't know what you're doing, reach out, seek advice. There's tons of information and resources at our fingertips in our pockets and yes, building relationships. That word used to sound like so daunting to me, especially in the industry. Oh, that guy's got so many relationships. That's why he does. Well, it felt like icky to me. It felt like there was. You needed to kind of kiss up with someone. I just had that so long. It's just being yourself and meeting people and being vulnerable, being honest. So I just said a whole bunch of things there. But to answer your question is just do it. You really just do it.

I want to add something and I think that was an amazing answer, but I have to add something else because I think there's something really cool that happened to Me when I started my podcast, and I'm telling you because I think this will happen to you too. I started the podcast because I do the thing right. This is something I've always done. But what I realized when I started the podcast and as I'm activating my voice and I'm meeting new people and all these new doors are open, is that I wasn't always doing the thing out of my own needs and my own wants. I was doing the thing out of what I thought people expected of me or what I pressure from what people needed from me. And so that's something I've really learned through the podcast, is how to do it from my own deepest desires of what I want. I'd love to just kind of hear because it sounds like you're going there right now with what you're doing and you're finally going into what you're meant to do. And if you have advice on that or anything coming alive for you, you.

Bring up an amazing point. And it's something that I am totally just realizing right now. And I think it's what I was alluding to when I said it's a little bigger than even me. If you're at a place where you're trying to please people and do things because you want approval or you think that's what they want you to do, you could be blinded by that. And you can do that for a long time and not realize it. I have kind of switched things where, if I was alluding to earlier, a place of service where just serve your people. And I don't know exactly. Well, I know who my people are. Take that back. I do. But I don't know how to serve them really. Or I don't have to serve them something I say serve them where that there's going to be a revenue stream to it. It's just serve them. So when we and I, and this is probably, maybe it's was helped at the Capcom when we watched Jimmy Darts. The lesson here, what we're talking about, you and I, right, at this point, is that Jimmy Darts was doing all this amazing things, certain people, right? And he had numerous opportunities to monetize it. And he checked in, as he said, with his higher power or his dad or wherever he checked. And he turned down so many things. And this is a guy that doesn't come from much, right? But every time that he turned something down, it was a bigger and better thing for him waiting down the road. So I'll speak for myself. Like, I am just focusing on bringing this message to as many people as I can and to serve the people that maybe need to hear this message. And then the second component is there's a whole community people they got sober, you know, like now what. And there's a whole wellness aspect of it. Like I firmly, firmly believe from the bottom of my heart, maybe this is because I turned 49 in a couple of weeks that. But I firmly believe, maybe this is my stubborn little chip, my shoulder all coming together. But I firmly believe that my best years, our best years are ahead of us. And I have too many people my age saying, oh, you know, they're kind of giving up and overweight and this stuff. I'm like, what do you mean you gave it up? We have so much more to go. We have so long to go. And I really believe this. And up ramp. One other thing that happened to me also was four years ago in sobriety. I was walking almost to the day, May 23rd, four years ago. I was getting my steps in in the morning. I was five o' clock in the morning. I was walking up to the train station. It's a good almost two mile walk. It's what I would do. And I was walking to the train station and I had.

Thought it was heartburn, really bad heartburn. It wasn't going away. And long story short, something told me I could work from home. Just, just, just go back, just go home. And I turn around and the walk home, walk from where I was halfway to the train station, home was awful and I was having a heart attack and I had a widowmaker heart attack. Yeah. And so I walked in and the house we lived at at the time had a super high step from the street to the front door. But you can walk around the back and it's not really that high. And something told me not to walk up those steps and I walked in the back so I didn't have to, you know, get the heart rate going. And I went in and I thought I was going to throw up. And I almost threw up and I was, thought I was feeling better. And my wife's an acupuncturist and an herbologist and she heard me coughing and she knew something was wrong. And I was like, yeah, I think I'm just going to throw. I might be better. Why is my jar. And she's like, she had already had the kids in the car. She said, get in the car meets go to the hospital. And I went to the hospital. And as I walking into the hospital, I started going out like Started not making sense. I was telling, yeah, we're just walking to school. And I'm like, oh, I was not in school. I didn't mean to go into this party either. I'm sorry. But they, you know, they threw me on the gurney, and they beepered the cardiologist in. And I remember saying to the. To the nurse, like, wait a minute. I think I'm just. I just have bad arpa. And she's like, you don't have bed, Harper. You know what this is? You're having a heart attack. You need to call your wife back. And so they rushed me upstairs, and they put two stents in. As soon as two stents were in, I immediately felt better. But I had a widowmaker, and luckily I didn't go into cardiac arrest, where you go Google widowmaker. And, you know, most people don't last 60 minutes. And I was right up against it. So I say that to share people who have heart disease. I have heart disease. My family. But no one's really had what I had. But that's part of it. Can't take stuff for granted. It's easy to. And you think I'd be on some kind of white cloud for the rest of my life, kind of playing with house money, and that's. That's not it. I wish it was, but it's just not. It's just not the way of the world. But again, when I step back, I am definitely indifferent person a little bit. And that's why I'm like, you know, we can live our best lives. Our best lives are ahead of us. So I want there to be a whole component to whatever I am building on this podcast to be healthy and to be happy and maybe to travel. There's this. Well, life is short. I know it's so cliche, but it's so true. Life is short. Just like, live our best lives. I say that life is hard. Life is hard. So if I could be an advocate to help with that. Like, I have a lot of ideas. I'm gonna start a newsletter. Like, I have a lot. It's all gonna come and. But it starts with the podcast. And like I said, I'm having so much fun because you get to meet people. I already met strangers that it just where I'm already super tight with, you know, and it's beautiful.

Yeah. I'm so excited to continue to hear your journey and your progress, because I just know how much my podcast opened up for me, and it's a really cool thing, for sure. I would love to have you share your podcast name and any other details on how people can follow along with your. With your story.

Yes. Thank you so much. Yes. It's called, as you know, the Begin Again Podcast. The website is up. It's still under. There's still a lot of stuff new. It's the beginagainpodcast.com and you can find my trailer on. On Spotify or Apple. It's across. Wherever you find your podcast, I'll be there. And I would encourage you to check out the trailer because it's a pretty cool trailer and it's got my mission statement on you. Specifically, I would love for you to.

Go, oh, I heard it. It's amazing. Yeah, it's so good. Yeah.

Yeah. So that's.

And I can't believe you got that domain. What a great domain.

Yeah, that's easy. But, yeah, no, it works. Definitely works. And, yeah. And now I'm working with a VA and putting together a. A social media strategy. So all this stuff that I was kind of learning in the Incubator.

Yeah.

Having someone help me with it, but I want to be. I want to be everywhere I'm gonna be. So. And I'll say this too, like, I've had all these crazy ideas and stuff, you know, as I mentioned, but I've never I. About anything. I've never been so excited about. About something as I am now. That's such. Such a gift to say. Like I said, I'll be 49 years old in a month. And I'm like, kid, I'm so happy you got to do this. Yeah.

And I have to point out for the listeners, in case they're not noticing it by you doing the thing and exploring these different things, thinking maybe playing around with the E Commerce stuff, playing around with this. Then all of a sudden, that's how you found the thing that you're really, really now excited and passionate about. And I see you're all lit up as you're talking about it. And it's like, if you didn't do all those other things, you wouldn't be where you are now doing something that you're so excited about 100%.

And I think it's about doing. It's about doing the thing I could have said, what a waste. I didn't get what I put into the incubator, but I did. Even though I don't have a brand right now or I'm starting a brand that didn't exist when I joined the incubator, I've been there for a year. Now. So doing the thing is doing taking the action, right? I think that's what do the thing is. Whatever the action is, take the action and go all in and be open to learning. It's going to be messy. Nothing like we heard this all the time. Nothing goes like this, right? It's always like this. But if you're taking the action, you're moving. So keep moving.

Thanks so much for coming on, Gary. This has been so much fun.

Thanks for having me. I enjoyed it so much too. Stacey. I appreciate you having me on and.

For the listeners, do the Thing. Don't wait for opportunity. Create it.

Thanks for listening to the do the Thing podcast. We hope you enjoyed the show. But even more, we hope you'll be inspired to do the Thing. Do you have a burning question on Doing the Thing that you'd like answered? How about an inspiring do the Thing story of your own that you'd like to share? We'd love to hear all of your about it. Just leave us a voice message at dothothing callcast. Co or email us at hello at dothingpodcast. Com.