Episode 243: Edie Raether: Navigating the Digital Landscape in Family Life

I do really believe 100% from every part of me that everyone has the capacity to be able to do the things that they want and not to be held back by the mental baggage that's in our head that we want to push through.

Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. In each episode, we get down and personal with people who go after the things they want to make all their wildest dreams come true. Join us as we unveil and dissect a formula for what it takes to do the thing. Here is your host, Stacy Lauren.

Hey everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacy Lauren. I have a truly inspirational guest for you today. She's an international speaker and a bestselling author. Her extensive background includes over four decades in human potential development and behavioral psychology. And she is incredibly passionate about helping children unlock the best version of themselves. As a certified speaking professional, this guest has shared her insight with thousands of corporations, including many Fortune 500 companies. She teaches brain based strategies to elevate performance in business and life. Her insights benefit everyone by encouraging critical thinking and boosting innovation. It's a pleasure to welcome Edie Rather to the show.

Hi, Edie. Hi, Stacy. It's so good to be here.

Yeah, I'm so glad that you were able to come on today. I just am so excited with the stuff that you're doing and just the impact it can have on people by being able to hear, hear what you have to say.

I got a lot to say as a professional speaker, we don't. Shut up, Stacy.

Well, I'd love you to start off and just share with the listeners more about you and your story.

Well, you know, professionally I started out as an occupational therapist actually, and then went back, got my master's. So 50 years. I may not sound old. I'm going skiing in Jacksonville, Wyoming, but I'm also starting my 80th birthday, but I'm still going 12, 14 hours a day. And so I have a long history as a psychotherapist, marriage, family counselor, and so forth. But also international keynote speaker, certified speaking professional, done programs thousands of organizations on five continents and they're selling authors seven books including everything from Sex for the Soul to Bullying and why Cats Don't Bark is bestseller in China. So lots of that. And then. And I've done a TED talk on brain fitness for kids, cloning the DNA of Einstein. And in a couple months I'm doing my second TED Talk and that is going to be on. Is the Google effect messing up your mind? It's on Digital dopamine and devices, which is really a very silent addiction. But it's not so silent anymore. And it's about time that we take it out of the closet. So that's how I kind of come to where I am today. I have a passion for children and programming and wiring their minds right the first time. So I'm not as a therapist undoing and redoing and reprogramming. Let's just get it right the first time. So that's it.

Yeah, it's such an important topic. I mean, because it's so easy to get stuck right onto that device. And what you mentioned with the dopamine and how you're able to get just constant hits of it through the different ways that we're able to do it. I'd love to hear more about that. What got you first of all interested in doing that and then what is that looking like for you now?

I was just on a call just now with somebody and she said, oh my God, they're doing this. And I had mentioned that she has a 12 and a 15 year old, I think it is. But she said she did not allow them. They still don't have, I think they have some access to a cell phone or something where they could communicate, but she just really limited it. I mean they had other than schoolwork. And she said when they are on it and one is ADHD or add, she said there is just such a dramatic difference in their behavior. And when they were younger, if they were on, she could put her hand in front of them. So we have to know that they're really mesmerized, they're hypnotized and a trance and if they're listening to things and Lord knows, if you listen to the lyrics of some of the videos or the music lyrics that kids are listening to in that trance like state, if it has that strong rap, repetitive beat, they are hypnotized. And that's very scary. And then we wonder why violence is up, why rape is up. I mean, we do know that we had more mass shootings in the first 24 days in this country than there were days. So that's more than one a day. I mean, I'm almost 80 and when I was growing up I never even. I didn't even know how to spell mass shooting. And so we wonder why the world feels like it's changing with some of it being in the wrong direction. We're programming people at a young age to be messed up. Now, I'm not here to bash technology Lord knows I remember I was just thinking of this, how many thousands of dollars I used to spend sending out the VHS tapes to people that might want me to come and speak for their association or their event. And the VHS and all the brochures. Oh, God. Now it's all digital. What. How cool is that? But looking at even what's happening now with chat, what is it, G?

Oh, yeah. My new obsession, which is addicting the chat thought.

I mean, anything that can save time gives us more energy to enjoy life. Is this not good? But what if you're addicted? It's stealing your time and it's stealing your life. So it's all a matter of use versus misuse. That's it. Yeah. What can give you more freedom, what can give you more time? What can give you more life can also be your greatest curse and steal it from you.

Yeah, and I'd love to kind of talk about that because I'm thinking this is do the thing. Is it do the thing, get off your device or do the thing, Learn how to not let your device control you. What kind of. What's your method message in terms of when you're talking to people about this?

I. I think it's all use versus misuse. I think it's boundaries, I think it's balance. It's not going to go away. I mean, most kids, I mean, they don't come with a backpack with 80 pounds of books like I did. And then chiropractors are screaming, they have their laptop and they're little and they're. And. And so most homework and schools have gone that direction. So this isn't the Bash technology, but it's one to use it in moderation or as needed. And also garbage in, garbage out. How are you using that technology? I mean, look at the TikTok challenge. I had a Kia. I turned it back in and got my money because I didn't want to go to the symphony and find that there was no car in my garage. And in Charlotte, North Carolina, which is where I'm near, was it just on the news 80 or 85% of all cars stolen were Hyundai's or Kia. And I'm not putting them down. I liked it. It didn't serve me well. That started from a TikTok challenge, and I thought I heard that. Was it in one day or was it. But over 200 were stolen in one city in North Carolina.

What was that challenge? I hadn't heard about it.

It was that somehow with a USB cord or something, the way that Kia And Hyundai are apparently in there under kind of the same roof were constructed that with a USB cord, you can start them. And so they weren't created for a world full of thieves. And hundreds were stolen. I thought they said one night or one week, and I want to be quoted on that, but it was a couple hundred. It was 203 or something. And so it started with a TikTok challenge, that is the misuse. And so I think then it goes. The other thing that we're dealing with, I think, Stacy, is we're in a free country and we protect our freedom, our freedom of speech and so forth. And I don't know where that's going to take us because when the Constitution was written, we didn't have TikTok. We didn't have the abuse of technology and the Internet and even looking at gun violence. The intention was very different when the rules were written. And I'm very concerned because as we lack responsibility for our behavior and I see a lot of it, we're going to have more rules, and nobody wants more rules. This is a country based and built on freedom, and I'm first in line for that. But it scares me. I don't even want to say where I think we could end up, because as there is less responsibility, the only way to counteract it is more rules. We're seeing that already. When I was growing up, there were many more freedoms, but it was kind of innocent. I mean, we were eating goldfish or seeing how many kids we could pack in a car or how many. Remember the old phone booths? Those were our challenges. How many people can we pack in a phone booth? It hurt no one. But if 200 cars are stolen in one city in a day, weekend or whatever, that's hurting people. So then we just have to have more rules. And we can't do this and we can't do that. And as we go down that route, we're going to lose our democracy. So I take this very seriously. I think we've got to get back in violence and know that there are no rights without responsibilities. And that's why my first TED talk on brain fitness for kids, Cloning the DNA of Einstein. And it's a book just for an anchor, the blanket. If you've heard of Tony Robbins or nlp, it serves. It integrates nlp. But I have audios that literally, on a deeper level of mine, program children for all of the good character traits. I looked at the social challenges that we have and developed the character of the book for each one so for example, Ollie the owl only likes fruits and vegetables, doesn't drink soda pop, doesn't like sugar and candy. And so if we program a child from three to nine or even before the age of three, I started with mine and conception, to tell you the truth, and they've done quite well. But Holly teaches kids on a deeper level of mind, on the superconscious, that to eat and that's important. I mean, look what Michelle Obama's theme was. The let's move children obesity. I mean, there's areas of the country that are over 50% with kids. This is crazy. So another character is Ruckus the rabbit. And Ruckus is loving and caring and compassionate and has empathy. Well, we wouldn't have violence if we had enough empathy. So if we program children with empathy at an early age, again, it's all about prevention. And then Gustav the goat is brave and courageous. I had a parent that said we played one five minute track one time. This was unbelievable, even for me. And there was an explosive, a dramatic change in her child's confidence. So if you have a shy kid, hesitant, too hesitant to take any risk to take their first step at five, they might still be holding onto the coffee table. I'm just kidding. But yeah, that tape, that audio track will change and transform a child's life. And then there's Penelope and she's got quills and she keeps everybody awake because there's a lot of children that are lonely because they're caustic. And if they put down their quills and become as loving as Ruckus and trust me, there are kids that come into the world with a chip on their shoulder. I have a background in marriage, family counseling. I've seen it. My own granddaughter said, that's me, she's changed. And then there's Caleb, the caterpillar. And it's important to be like Caleb because Caleb turns into a butterfly. So it knows. So kids that are in an environment that may be very challenging, their parents may be on drugs. It gives them hope to know that they can change. And Caleb climbs magic mountain and with all those little 16 little legs. And kids don't have persistence, resilience, perseverance, like the greatest generation, which I'm part of, we need to teach that you might know of the marshmallow theory. And if you don't, let me just share that with you. They put these kids, I think they were like 5 years old in a room and they said, you know, here's a marshmallow. But if you don't eat it today, you get two tomorrow. And so they were trying to teach delayed gratification. And in this world of instant love and push button success and dial a dream where kids are just expecting everything yesterday and then they get mad and impatient and they act out. And if there's guns available. A six year old was just killed in Charlotte this last week. They were playing with guns at age 6. I was playing with dolls. And so we have this acting out in our culture because we have so much coming in with the Internet and technology. So much is coming in and it's stirring up emotions but we're not acting it out appropriately. I mean, I was outside, my parents had a hard time bringing me in for dinner or lunch. Whether it was playing croquet or kick the can baseball. You didn't even have to own a bath. You just got an old bean can or soup can and you could play. And we were running and getting all of that energy up. But when you just sit in front of a screen and take it in.

It'S like a tea kettle, you're boiling the water, it's going to explode and pop. And if guns are available like it was for these two six year olds and one's dead, this is what we're dealing with. So it's important to me. So to answer your question, I have a long winded answer, but I do feel it's an important one.

Yeah. And I'm wondering so with the brain, because I want to talk to you about the work you're doing now too, but the brain fitness for kids, what's the age range for that? If someone listen is interested in checking that out as well.

Yeah. And the website for that, Stacy, is wings4wishes.com. The age, I'll be honest, is 3 to 9. But if you listen to my TED Talk, which is at that website wings4wishes and it did get a standing ovation. So it's, I would say it's good. The age range I put is three to nine. But I do mention in my TED Talk that I cheated with my own kids and, and when I was pregnant I put a high value on music. And I mean music, not some of the stuff we're hearing today, music. And so I actually, when I was pregnant I would tap on my belly as I was listening to Beethoven or Mozart and you know, one of my sons. It's interesting. It actually gets passed down. Genes are interesting and we now can change and transform our genes. I think the biology of belief with Bruce Lipton is there's so much out there now. We didn't. We thought, oh, I'm a victim of my genes. Well, that's not true anymore. We've learned with neuroscience that we can alter them with the energy of changing our mindset. But I would tap my belly to music. And by five years old, I know he was playing My Sweet Lord. And his grand. My granddaughter, his daughter at age 13, got $100,000 scholarship in music to go to this, this private school. So I start at conception. The reason I say three to nine is because I don't think most people will believe it if I put, you know, six months. You can never, ever start too early. Never.

Yeah, that's so good. I. I'm. I. I want to watch that TED Talk. I haven't. I haven't seen that yet. I think that sounds really powerful, too, to be able to instill character traits as well.

You know, I love, you know, I only had 18 or 20 minutes. I know I went over 22, but I covered a lot. But it doesn't feel cluttered. I feel good that I could give that much information in 20 minutes. And it's still, I think, had a flow. I think you can follow it. But I do bring in, you know, the Rakoff effect, and I might want to talk about that just for a second. And so the Rakoff effect is basically where they would take children and have them pretend they were Mozart or playing the piano like Beethoven or whatever, and it could be athletics, it could be anything. It's basically mental rehearsal. It's role playing. And so that's why I do believe in puppetry. And I want to still do puppets with my character Blooming program, but we're thinking of putting it into an app or a virtual reality. So a lot going on. But the bottom line is if you pretend and act as if, you know, it's like fake it till you make it. And that's not to be deceitful, but it's to do mental rehearsal that they could turn kids into geniuses. I mean, if you think you're going to be Picasso and you act like Picasso, their artwork and painting change dramatically. And if it was music, it was dramatic changes in accelerating their success and their performance. So I talk about the Rakoff effect. And then, of course, Pavlov can't forget Pavlov. Everything is basically association. So when I'm doing hypnosis with people in a counseling or coaching capacity, what I will do is put in a lot of triggers so that they can remember one of the best times in their Life. Maybe it was graduating, maybe it was getting married, maybe it was getting a divorce. That high that they felt where there was a natural high of dopamine or serotonin or oxytocin, whatever, that to squeeze your hand and then release it. I'll sometimes say you're getting rid of all the negativity or anxiety, or with every breath in, you're taking in courage, confidence, whatever you desire, whatever emotional state will make you the best version of you. And then with every breath out, you exhale all of the negative thoughts and feelings that keep you from knowing your real self. Or, you know, we're all sipping. I've got tea here. I'm sipping it. Every time you take a sip of water, your preferred beverage, you don't just drink the water. Let's get some mileage out of it. And we take it in as liquid confidence, liquid calm, whatever you want. So it's taking a physical activity, act or behavior and associating it with a desired, empowered thought and emotional response. Does that make sense? But all that's in that 20 minute TED talk. I love it.

Yeah, it really. It does. And I think it also helps you become more present into the moment of what you're actually doing. Because sometimes you could just be drinking the water and not thinking about it, but when you're doing that and you're actually picturing what you want it to represent, you know what?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what, Stacey? That's a great point. Because when I'm doing the hypnosis for weight, which I was the biggest binger in college, I remember eating a half. And that's when a half a gallon of ice cream was much bigger than it is today. I ate it in one setting and I'm like, holy cow. And if I was happy, I would celebrate. I was so active, though. I never got really. Yeah, it was crazy, but it was being out of control. And we're out of control in one aspect of our life, like eating, we're out of control in all aspects. We really are. And that's why, like, if I do hypnosis to help people with weight control, when they get control of their weight and they're eating, they start controlling other aspects. They're more assertive. They don't just fall over and play dead. They take charge. They take back their power in all aspects. They own it in all aspects of their life. So it isn't a matter of just losing 10, 20, 30 pounds. It's a matter of being in control. And that is at the core of Everything. So the reason I brought that up is you said be more present and mindful. So one of the suggestions when I'm doing hypnosis for weight is to eat slower, slow it down, and you will experience more pleasure, more flavor from less and less and less food because you are more conscious. So when we're eating, a lot of it is for pleasure. And if you take a whole handful of peanuts and shove it in and you're working on your computer, you're not getting the value of it. That is one thing. I work 12, 14 hours a day, but when I eat, I don't do anything else. I happen to have a very beautiful view of the lake here. And I just. I have just. It's a ritual. I don't care what I'm eating. And if I have a peanut, I don't have a handful. I take one at a time and I savor it. And I'm drinking very little wine because, boy, more and more is coming out on alcohol and killing your brain cells. I can't afford to lose any. But I'll have just a couple ounces, mix it with ginger ale and I sip it slowly. I savor it. And yeah, I'm not overweight. I'm not binging anymore. If I have ice cream, you never want to deprive yourself. But I love ice cream. But I have just a tablespoon. Sometimes it's a big tablespoon. I cheat a little, but I never have a scoop. I never have a bowl. You never want to deprive yourself, but you have just a taste, just a bit, just a piece, to satisfy your curiosity. And it's not just the food we eat. That's how we should live our entire life. Savor the moment. Does that make sense?

Oh, my gosh, it makes sense. And it gets me like really excited now to kind of go on to what you're working on now because it's creating that ritual in your life, right? To be more present and to not be mindless. Which leads into the Google conversation. And what. What's that doing? It's. I think, I think it becomes addictive, right? Where you're not even thinking, oh, I just picked up my phone and got a notification. And there's no ritual around that. Right. And so.

Right.

I'm just.

You're a robot. You are not a human being anymore. You are. That's robotic behavior. And you know what? One of keystone can be periodical. He'd mind me telling his name, but I'm certified in his model of. It's Good for coaches, leaders. And it just change management. And it has to do with raising and lowering tension. And I think, I think he's brilliant. It's right on. And I remember him saying years ago when I first met him that people are going to become more like robots and robots are going to become more like people. And 20 years later, think of that every day. Just a Forbes magazine said, I'm doing a course for the business world. I'm thinking differently together, finding common ground. And I'll be including things on unconscious bias, inclusion, but also, you know, in creative problem solving. And we talk about that a bit too. And their biggest issue is lack of empathy. There's no EQ because if your kid is on a screen at 12 years old, they are not learning the social interaction. They're not learning body language, they're not picking up on social cues. They are becoming robotic. This is scary. And robots just look at the ChatGPT. They're doing more what humans can do. And he's absolutely right. But the one thing the robot can't do is compassion and empathy. And as we become more robotic, it's easy to kill somebody, it's easy to rape them, it's easy to bully people if you have no compassion, if you have no empathy. And this is where the danger zone begins. And I got to know you. I was just in a conversation, Stacy, with someone else who's excited about my topic and wants to take a few bucks to market it. And she was saying, I did not know this. Apparently I haven't watched the Social Dilemma, but apparently, apparently everybody in the world has or should. And the people that worked at TikTok and some of these media companies have left. It was like the guy that blew the whistle at RJ Reynolds and just couldn't do it anymore or Quaker they were. They're putting food and they're putting appetize stimulants in our food, in our, in our cereals and our, our cookies. That's why you, you know, you're. The phrase, you can't eat just one. Yeah, that's because they're putting crap in it. So you can't. That's why we have to go back to fruits, vegetables that are natural and real and. And so, you know, we're just getting kind of. Our minds are getting poisoned so that we, I mean, the obesity, grossly, I think we're over 50% with either obesity or definitely overweight. This is crazy. And that's the number one cause of all illness and disease. It's killing Us, for the first time, the longevity of human beings has gone down. Why? Because we're giving up control. It's robotic thinking and rituals that are not doing as well because they're robotic. Rituals are good, but they should be based on conscious choice. And see and so, so what she was telling me. And apparently it's in the social dilemma that people that have a moral Compass are leaving TikTok and Google and some of these companies because they know what they're doing to make this addictive. They don't give a rip about your brain damage, and it is brain damage. They care about the bottom line and keeping the boardroom happy. And if they have to get you addicted so that your reward is dopamine, it's an internal drug reaction, and you can't ever get enough. Because like all addictions, our body adjusts, adapts, and you got to have more. So you got to have more time. You got to check it more often. You got to check Facebook not three times a day, but 21 times a day or every time there's a ding because there is a reward going on in your brain and you are relinquishing your power and control mastery in life. That concerns me. Let me tell you one more thing, because one of the seminars I do for the corporate world is innovation and creativity. What concerns me is if the brain is kind of like a muscle, if you don't use it, you lose it. And are we ever going to have another Einstein? Are we ever going to have another Mozart or Beethoven? I. You know what? I could do rap music. I don't think it's pretty. Listen to Beethoven's Night and then listen to rap. You try to duplicate Beethoven's Night. But rap. Da da da da da da. Oh, I can do that beat. It's pretty simplistic. And I can just put some lyrics. I would not choose the ones that most of them have. And I'm not saying all rap is bad, but rap has a repetitive beat that is hypnotizing. And you listen to some of the lyrics I am, I get sick. Not all of it. That's why we have to have conscious choice. But if we don't encourage our kids to be creative or have activities or go take a walk in the woods and pay attention to nature and ask the right questions. When you ask questions, children who are asked more often, what do you want to be when you grow up are more successful because there's something in the brain called the reticular activating system. And when you ask that question, your Body. It's like putting the search on your computer. It looks for the answer. We want to keep that active because it's just like if you have a stroke, if you have a stroke or something, we want to do range of motion to stay, keep movement activity or it's going to be like a phantom, it's dead. And we're going to be brain dead in certain areas that we need creativity. We need creativity to fight environmental issues. But there's very few people that are going to come through with it. Only those that have parents that keep it in check, in balance and set boundaries. You know what, I didn't know I was that passionate about this, but I can I. Just kidding. You ask a simple question and I go on and on because we do have to make conscious choice. Okay, next question.

Yeah, no, I love, I love the, the that name too of conscious choice. And I think I watched that movie the Social Dilemma. And the thing I really got from it is that idea of the algorithm and how it does become unconscious, right, because you're waking up and then everything that you search just pretty much then feeding you the same information. So you're not getting a full view on something. You're only seeing like a filtered, a filtered view, which to me was just shocking, you know, on, on really what that looks like. And then I don't think a lot of people knew what that would do with kids, you know, either. So I was really curious. Let's talk to the people that are listening and let's first talk about the kids that are like maybe not born yet, like about to be born to like 10 years old. What do you recommend for those parents to do in terms of technology or do you have recommendations on that before.

The age of two? None. None. And parents are addicted. So what they do is use the phone or a device as a babysitter so that they can play on their phones. So it's not just kids. Now the reason the concern is greater for kids because brain is in the formative years and the developmental processes are just. Our brains are like sponges and taking everything in. So it affects them more, it does more, more brain damage, more brain restructuring, you know. And again, if you don't use it, you lose it. So before the age of two? Absolutely not. And I have a chart on that and I don't have it memorized, but yeah, at 3 or 4 it might be like a half hour day. But it's not only the time that you spend or you monitor, but it's what's going in Garbage in, garbage out. And parents just aren't always aware. I mean, they have a whole world in front of them. I mean, human trafficking, girls that are lured into being a model and end up in human trafficking, we don't know at 10 years old. But there's no question the earlier, the more we're in the formative years. And it's because kids, when they're 1, 2, 3, 4 years old, generally, sometimes we call the formative years really the first three and then we say the first five. It's just the younger, the more impressionable we are. Why? Because we don't have filters, we don't have a defense system or coping mechanisms. Yet as we get older, if somebody on TikTok says, you're ugly, Edie, you know what I consider the sores? I'm almost 80 years old. What do you expect? But for an old chick. My grandkids called me a hot chick grandma. I think I'm pretty cool. And I can still ski at Jackson Hole, so screw it. So I look at the source and I don't let it affect me. But you know what, if you're on that phone and kids. I had a renter in my Airbnb apartment. He said his one year old was more techy than he was. What the heck are you doing with a one year old? Shouldn't know that much technology because it's what they are missing out on and they're getting so addicted. And the earlier and younger you are when you're addicted, the more difficult it's going to be, the more screwed up you're going to get. So we can increase it. But then remember I said it's not only the screen time but what's going in and what are they watching and what are they listening to? Listening to is just as important. Let me give you an example. I am into music and I went to Washington D.C. when Brown Beck was a senator there. I think he's now governor or was governor. Kansas, Missouri, I think it's Kansas. And he was into the lyrics. That is in so much of the plot of rap music. Listen to this. First of all, they didn't know the new number. So half the congress, half the senators, legislators weren't even there. Great. They didn't have any priority on it. But listen to this. They whited out like 2/3 of the lyrics that your 5 year old, your 10 year old is listening to. Why? Because it was so offensive that they didn't want our grown senators and congressmen to hear, see or read. Is this crazy? And your kids. Yeah. So remember, it's not just time when you, if they're watching the Wiggles or something like that. And see somebody was just on Good Morning America and saying, you know, on the very first level, we're getting a, a release of dopamine, which is addictive. Okay, but this is how we can use it positively. You know what, I want to talk a little bit about that, as we all know about the attitude of gratitude. And that's what she was talking about. So if we just have thoughts of gratitude and my new keynote is unstoppable. If you can't walk around. I went from what Home and Garden channel called a mansion. It sounds so pretentious, but that's what they called it. I went to homeless because I'm way too trusting. I grew up at a time when you could do that. And I lost millions. I lost everything. And I went to 15 months with no running water, no flushing toilet, no wired in electricity. This is what I mean. Creative problem solving. I wrote seven books. I had my mind. I had a refrigerator outside. There was electrical post outside. I could plug in my computer. I wrote seven books. One best seller. Grow where you're planted. See, but people don't have that creative problem solving ability anymore. I have Airbnbs here. I have people with Bachelor Master PhDs and they are dumb.

If something doesn't fit the kettle right, they can't think of an alternative. They don't know how to put something in the refrigerator, keep it, put it in a little plastic bag. You would not believe what I see. This is. It's pretty scary. But you know, I think I grew up on. I had pretty farmhouse. I went to the dollar tree. I got a pail that was my commode. I looked where there was somebody building, what are they called, porta potties. I would empty it there. I got through it. And living on one of the best spots on a 500 mile lake, why not only resilience, but it's the way I think and how I think. So the reason I brought that up is every day I had the attitude of gratitude. I was living homeless. I literally didn't have a dime. He actually was borrowing from people. Lost 4 to 5 million. But you know what people say, how did you do that? I don't remember. It was an inconvenience. It's how you look at it. It's how you perceive things. The way you perceive the world is a projection of how you perceive yourself. But I have one of the best views on this lake. And I was grateful every day. I didn't have a toilet, I didn't have lights. I didn't have anything. But I had a brain and I had my computer. But I had an attitude of gratitude. And a few years later, I'm doing a TedX talk. I'm back on. All I can say but that releases dopamine. Now, if you take that gratitude and you write it down.

It lasts longer. The positive effect that it's going to have on your brain lasts longer, and you start releasing another chemical called serotonin, which is, you know, serenity. It's peace, it's centeredness. And that's where we can be more creative. And then if it's giving back, I don't just keep all this to myself. I'm talking to you. I'm trying to Change the World 1. Trying to change the world one mind at a time. If you give back, or like a mother giving to a child, then you start releasing oxytocin. And that is a high. And so it's hard for me when I hear of, like, a mother killing her child because, you know, but if there's not that bonding, then.

There'S no relationship and there's no respect. Then there's more robots. Yeah.

I was going to ask you also, what. So we talked about, like, the 0 to 10 kids, but, like, what do you suggest for. So here's what I'm trying to get out. There's a lot of people that have kids that are like, you know, they see their friends on technology, and then that's where I think it's rare. The one you were talking about before, where she hasn't had her kids on technology, so she was able to see that stark contrast of when they're on it and when they're not on it. You know what I mean?

Yes.

And so whereas most people don't get to see it because they're always on it. And so I'm just kind of wondering for someone that's already habitually been on it, what would be a way that they could help kind of monitor it more? Because the other thing I've seen and heard a lot of is how people are thinking connection, you know, is online now, so it doesn't force you to get off. An example I was mentioning briefly before, I've been running a singles group for. Not a singles group, but like a. I'm just thinking singles, trying to get people off of dating apps, because those are addictive for similar things. And so when in one of my challenges, I. They still were on the dating app, and I noticed that they were still burning energy on the app, so it was hard for them to get off to do these new things. And then the second challenge, I decided, no, there's no dating app, because if you're not burning energy, then, you know, like on the app, then that's going to give you more creative freedom to be able to get off of it. And so I'm kind of looking for that. Same thing is people don't even realize what's happening. And we're back to kids now because they're. They've been on it, they're living on it. They think they're getting connection because they're talking to people online, but it's different than when you're in person. So I was just curious on what your thoughts were on that, too.

I think people are looking for the right answer, but in the wrong place. We are so disconnected. There's a book called Alone Together. Together Alone and Turkoffer whatever. But she wrote it years ago. And I guess, you know, you see kids, they're all in the same room. There's somebody sitting right next to them. Teenagers. And they're texting them. Instead of the interaction with my Airbnb, somebody will say, oh, my God, I love your property. I want. And I'll say, I always have to have a conversation because the human voice gives us away. We get so much energy and emotion. I can read people and I'll never hear from them. People aren't communicating. You're either text or. This is crazy. So the virtual, you know, now we see things where there's this virtual dating, like a virtual reality thing where you put on the goggles, you come home, and instead of talking to a real person or maybe having dinner with someone, there's a date that you have that sits on. It's a virtual. There's no human being. Is this not. I think it's not. Now, does it serve a purpose? I'm not going to be all. Or not. Yeah. Does it? So they have a con. They all have a dinner conversation with somebody on this virtual app that's kind of like, I gave it to my grandson. You know, where you put the goggles on? It's virtual reality, whatever you call it. So that's the new dating thing. But in the dating, there was just a guy last night because I'm single and I'm not paying, but they still dump men on my doorstep every day. Me back in, and he said, I've had it. There's women. They have A checklist. They have this. So even the dating site is becoming so robotic where we don't actually really connect or people want to stay on a keyboard on these dating sites for six, seven months. My God, I'm 80 years old. Six, seven months. All my friends are dying. I guess there's, there's almost this fear of eye to eye contact. It's almost like eye to eye combat. And you know I wrote a book, Sex for the Soul and I do talk about, since we're talking about dating apps, is that people go into relationships like they're going into combat because they've been so bruised up and they come in with so much baggage, they're on such a defensive mode that there's no way maybe your husband cheated on you. That doesn't mean he's going to. And if you have that expectation in your mind, it's more likely to happen because you know like the laws of attraction, some of you know the secret you're projecting that if you're expecting, if you're expecting kids to succeed better in school, they do. They've done studies with the Browleye blue eye kits, all that stuff and where the teachers expected more and they got more. Why? Because they expected it. If you're expecting worry is a wish you don't want. Fear is negative goal setting. You are the energy you send out there what you're expecting. I expected a TEDx talk. Two months later, I'm on the stage. I didn't pay for a coach at 10 grand and that's what they're charging to help me apply. No, just use not what I call mindset but a mind shit. So yeah, I think we're looking for the right answer connection. We don't even know how to do it. We're looking in the wrong place. And so people, I mean that's why I don't pay for Match anymore. I was on Friday night, I was sitting there and I'm spending hours online shopping for a man like a catalog on a Friday night. No, I'm going to go to the symphony with my friend. I mean and there's nothing wrong with the dating sites but I think there again it's addictive. It is addictive because it's just one more and curiosity killed the cat. It's going to kill you too with technology because it's all sign up. I mean I haven't paid in years. I get 10 or 12 guys every day on my doorstep in my email and I'm smart enough that I put in my email address If I really think I'm interested, I get one freebie a day. But see, then when they respond, I have to pay. But I beat the system. So the bottom line is everything. I mean, it's the almighty dollar. It is set up so that we do get addicted. No matter what it is, the dating app, it really doesn't matter. So how do I get back to real connections? You know what? My parents had a car dealership. They worked hard. We had a bar, we had a hotel. But I had a great childhood. We had dinner together every night and we laughed and we shared the day. Just a crazy family. And I think that's why to this day I can sit here alone. And when I have dinner, this is my sacred time of the day. People don't eat together, they don't do anything together anymore. We were diving in the mountains, the ski hills. God. The first time I saw Madison, Wisconsin, the Capitol is a duplicate of Washington D.C. i remember being so excited. First time I went out to Colorado. But my grandkids read their face in the phone when nature is knocking at their door. There are so many books on the healing powers of nature. Let's just get back to some of the basics. Let's just take some time off. Let's take some time together and sit together as a family. And I remember when we'd go around, everybody had to share something they learned that day. Let's do some of this. Yeah. And as a parent, do you have to restrict the time and do you need to be aware of what the exposure is? What is the garbage in, garbage out stuff. And so there is more monitoring and for you, I mean, parents are as addicted at worse. I was at an airport and this little five year old, you know, years ago, if you had a delay on your plane, a layover, that was good talk time. Good people to talk to their kids when they have that opportunity. She was so focused on her phone and I saw this kid begging silently to be visible to his mom. And all she would do, she was just so engrossed in her phone, every couple seconds she would tap his knee as if to say, I'm here for you, bs. Look at him. Talk to them. That's what we got to do. Engage.

Yeah, I don't think that's really good. So yeah, it sounds like the first step is modeling the behavior. Getting off of it yourself. Number two. Yeah, well, actually number one would really be the realizing the self awareness.

Awareness of the conscious.

Yeah. Of being conscious and not unconscious. And then number two, it's say or two.

Yeah, yeah.

Then number two would be the modeling it and getting off of it yourself. That. That what you said was begging silently. I think that's such a powerful statement. For sure. And then number three, it's.

Yeah.

Then kind of coming up with a better plan.

Yeah.

As well.

And then what I do, and I think I'm going to cover that in the TED Talk is, you know, there's so much stuff like if I'm hypnotizing someone to quit smoking. You know, there's so many behavior things like put a bunch of rubber bands around a cigarette so you're not robotic. So when you pull a pack of cigarettes out, you got to take off 10 rubber bands. By the time you take off 10, you're realizing that I'm putting another nail in my coffin. And you stretch it out, just refuse it.

I love that. Sorry. I'm like. I'm like blown away by that because I think that is so brilliant. Because that then leads you to that conscious behavior because you're having to take that off. I really like that idea because I think it's so easy just to do it without even thinking about it. But if you have a barrier to it, then at least you're consciously doing it.

Exactly. And so you put these rubber bands on your phone and insist. And then day by day, inch by inch, it's a sense. That's how most behavior mod programs are. So we just start reducing it. And so how many rubber bands did you have to take off today? So every day it may be one less because you're getting better at it. So that makes it measurable. It's kind of like we do in the workplace, and we want accomplishments to be measurable so they can be managed. So everything really comes down to taking things out of the closet, out of the dark, and putting them into light where we become aware and then we do regain conscious control.

So I love that. And then my question too is for parents that want, that are like, oh, my God, I need to wake up and help my kid get off this device now. Or at least have the conscious. The conscious awareness so that when they are on there, they're realizing, like, what's happening? What would you suggest for the parent to say, what does that conversation look like? Do you get in on that level, too?

Well, you know what? The way I parented, I wasn't a very controlling parent. I would be more today because it's a different world. My kids are 50, but I just had conversations. I am so. About, you know, because when they Go to college, you see these kids dying in hazing parties and drinking too much and they're dead. It's about teaching your child so that you're going to be gone someday. Somebody else is going to take your place on this earth. And so it's educating them. It's not punishing them as much as it is educating them, making them aware. And the way we make people aware is ask questions, don't dictate, don't lecture. That's a turn off. They tune you out. But ask questions because that engages them. I mean, you know, do you, do you want to do better in school so you have a better job, so you may have more money to have more freedom. So it's, you know, I get my message in there, but I put it in a question form and I have a conversation. I have interaction, engagement and a conversation. But I don't preach to them. I invite them in and get their perspective. Because you can't change the way they look at the world until you know what their perspective of the world is and themselves.

Yeah, that's so good. Okay, what would be your number one piece of advice for the listeners on doing the thing? And the thing is anything. It's either getting off their device, managing it better, going into their true light, being the fullest expression of themselves, whatever, whatever it means to you. I would love to hear what your, what your biggest piece of advice would be.

You know, as you were asking that, I had about 50 million pops in my head and Lao Tzu came to mind at the end. Lao Tzu said to know and not to do is not to know. You can listen to this program and a million more podcasts, you can read every self improvement book, but you got to take action and you got to do it now. That's it.

Love it. And where for anyone that wants to learn more about you, where would be the best place for them to check out your books and different programs that you're offering?

I, I appreciate that. And you know if they want to email me, it's just my name, Ed Rather. Wait, no. Ed.com that simple. E d I e at r a e T-H-E r.com and that website, ed.com it'll, it'll have an online store that will take you there and that is my speaking site. So if you have an organization that part of an association that has a meeting. Love doing those keynotes. I'm doing them virtually.

And then the kids program is@wingsforwishes.com I also have a Bullying site. We've been having problems but it's stop bullying with Edie and then the coaching site is. The short name is braintrainer Expert and there have been some techie issues but you can always get the information@edrather.com or wigs for Wishes, which has a TED Talk. My next TED talk is April 22, so we'll be posting that shortly after as well. And I do personal one on one coaching and hypnosis, whatever is needed. But we're going to be forming a groups and I'm going to have a 12 week program, kind of an online course where you also get group support and one on one with me. And we're just starting to formulate that now. And if you're at a business place, my new online course, which I can do in person, I love it. It's thinking differently together, finding common ground and it includes the EQ and the unconscious biases and inclusion and creative conflict resolution and problem solving. It's creating, it's taking a toxic culture and turning it into a very productive place of work. And that's exciting to me too. So we'd love to connect with any of you. I'm just an email away or a phone call. 704-658-8997. I am here to help you. Take care and thank you. Stacey. This, I just loved this. This was fun. We covered a lot.

Oh good. Yeah, I know. We went from dating to business to.

Kids to the whole thing. I love it, getting it all together. But you know what? None of it does any good unless the action. And that's up to you. That's up to you. But I can hypnotize you to take that action.

I'm so excited. This rubber band thing because I've done that before for other habits but I never thought about it for like having it on my phone.

I'm like so excited just to. Well, you know what, it's all increasing awareness. See when, if you're in sales, I mentioned T. Falcon Napier, you know, if you ask, if you're in sales, if you ask people the right question, it makes them more aware and you're not stuffing it down their throat. They don't like that. Ask. Be a master at asking questions of your kids, of somebody that you might be in a sales or leadership position with. And what that does, it increases their awareness. And by the way you ask the questions, it can be leading where they become more aware that they need you, they need your services and they sell themselves. So there's no Objections. And let's face it, with our kids, we're salespeople. If you're a good parent, you got to know sales and influence techniques. It's the same thing to make them aware where they don't resist you, you step back. But they become so aware of what they need to do and what actions they need to take. And that's when we get into synergy and synchronicity and we make good things happen. Does that make sense?

Oh, yeah. Amazing.

And, you know, since you're into the rubber bands, I gotta tell you, people get stressed out. I haven't worn a rubber band around their wrist. And then if they get into negative thoughts, they have to snap it. Not where they hurt themselves, but they snap at what is. What are they doing Again, they're making them. Making them aware so that it brings back to, hey, what do I really want to do? And that's conscious choice.

So good. Well, I cannot wait to see this TED Talk. I hope you'll share it when it. When it goes live. I'm super excited.

I will share it and hopefully we can do this again. You have been. It's been a delight and I just. Yeah, I. I can't wait to get the replay. I'm going to share it with LinkedIn and everybody I know.

Wonderful. Thanks so much, Edie. I appreciate you being on here and your time.

Thank you. And thanks to all the listeners because without them, we wouldn't have it.

Take care. Oh, yeah. Here's to Doing the Thing.

I am grateful. You take care. Bye, everyone.

Bye.

Thanks for listening to the do the Thing podcast. We hope you enjoyed the show. But even more, we hope you'll be inspired to do the Thing. Do you have a burning question on Doing the Thing that you'd like answered? How about an inspiring do the Thing story of your own that you'd like to share? We'd love to hear all about it. Just leave us a voice message at dothething callcast co or email us at hello, do the Thing. Call podcast. Com.