Episode 78 - Paul Rising Three Statements Built His Communication And Repetition Mindset

I do really believe 100% from every part of me that everyone has the capacity to be able to do the things that they want and not to be held back by the mental baggage that's in our head that we want to push through.

Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. In each episode, we get down and personal with people who go after the things they want to make all their wildest dreams come true. Join us as we unveil and dissect a formula for what it takes to do the thing. Here is your host, Stacy Lauren.

Hey, everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacy Lauren. Well, today is fun because I recently met Paul when I went to a Toastmasters meeting. And funny enough, his speech that he had to give the day that I was there was exactly timely with the thing that I'm working on right now, which has been mindset and the power of mindset. It's kind of what I've been saying the last. Gosh, I think it's been the last few weeks is just everything that I've been wanting is just sort of appearing. And that's. That's what happened when I met Paul is as he's giving his presentation, I'm just in awe of the synchronicity of the exact thing I'm working on is the exact thing he's speaking to. So I asked him immediately after if I could have him on the podcast. And it's funny, he's also working on something new with a podcast challenge that he's doing for himself. And so just lots of similarities. So I'm excited to. Oh, and I forgot to mention, he's also even just joined our dating challenge, so. So wanted to welcome Paul to the show. Hello.

Hi, Stacy. Thank you.

How are you?

I'm doing really good. Thank you for asking. How are you doing?

I am great. I am so excited to get a chance to talk to you.

Well, I really appreciate this opportunity. This is going to be a lot of fun.

Well, why don't we start off and have you tell the listeners more about you and your story.

Okay, so. Well, let me begin right after high school. I'll keep. Try to keep it succinct. After high school, I joined the US Marines, and I spent four years in the Marine Corps with Bravo Company, 3rd Assault FIB Battalion up at Camp Pendleton. And when I joined, I joined young enough to where my mom had to sign my contract, even though I was what we call a delayed entry program. But she had assigned for me because I was. I was 17 and I looked back at my mom and my mom was worried I was her only child. And I looked, mom, what could happen? The Cold War is over. Well, two combat deployments later, my mom had to deal with that part. So, yes. So I'm trying to be careful with what words I tell what I was telling mom after that, but bless her heart, she was very supportive of my decision. And I made a lot of good friends in the Marine Corps and had a couple of good adventures, so to speak. Shortly after that, after I got the Marine Corps back home to Florida, which is where I went to high school at, and shortly after that I joined, I was hired by the U.S. border Patrol and stationed here in San Diego, California. Spent seven years with the Border Patrol and left that agency in 2003. And not too long after that I went into IT Information Technology and been there ever since. And so right now my current position is I'm an information assurance manager with ANOVA Systems in San Diego. And so I do cybersecurity for them.

So what, what had you joined Toastmasters?

So what made me join Toastmasters was I joined, I was hired by the city of San Diego and 2015 as their network services manager, contract management for, for the city manage. And my ex wife at the time, because of the position I was in, highly recommended I get in the Toastmaster. She goes, you know, she goes, you need to be more confident in how you speak because now you're going to be speaking in front of more people and giving presentations and reports. So it was a good move. So I joined Toastmasters probably in the summer of 2015, I believe, and made some really good friends and just really enjoyed it. It really opened up my confidence, it opened up a lot of different avenues for me and I made some really good friends. And it's funny, when we do, there's a topic called table topics, which you have a short amount of time to speak on a topic. In the beginning I couldn't speak more than like 30 seconds and I was like trying to, I was trying to get out of it. And they kept telling me go on and go on. And eventually I got to the point where it's now I won't stop. So I actually have to get cut off like a minute and a half, which is a time limit.

Yeah, it's so cool. So you're basically, because you've been doing it so long now you're more and more comfortable, which is getting you to want to do it more and more. You're able to speak to it more. So Then you're. You're almost going over time now.

That is. That's correct. Yeah. The more you do it, the more you get comfortable with it and the more easy it is to speak on the topic.

It's interesting. So I actually, I decided today, I'm not announcing, I guess I'm announcing it since I'm going to mention it here, but I'm going to do a challenge sometime probably in February or March, another one. And it's going to be on do the thing saying public speaking.

Oh, cool.

Kind of inspired by my new Toastmasters experience, because I've been binge going to Toastmasters just in the last two weeks. I've gone to, like, I think six different ones, and I joined the one that you're a part of, but I've been going to a lot of different ones. But anyway, I was just thinking that same thing, right? The more that we can say yes to different things, flex the muscle, do the thing and speak, the more you're comfortable with it. And like, for me, I realized I've always said no to speaking, but then all of a sudden, with everything new I'm doing, I'm like, don't I want the choice to be able to speak if I want to? Like, right now, I'm not even comfortable going up in front of people at all. But, like, wouldn't I want to actually be able to choose being able to do that? So anyway, so that was kind of. It's kind of interesting hearing you say that. Increased confidence and, and then the extension of time that you've been able to do with table topics. I think it's also related to kind of where I'm at right now, too.

I'm looking forward to that challenge. I'd like to hear more about it when. When we have time. And like, you know, it's funny because that's like people's number one public fear is speaking in public. And so. But again, the more you do it, the more comfortable you come with and it's just easier to do so. And I'm not sure what people. What people. And I never really dug into it, never researched it, but I'm not sure why people are afraid to talk in front of groups is. I was the same way at one point, but again, doing it more and more has been a lot easier for me to get up. And when you practice that, again, when you practice that skill over and over. But it's not just practicing a skill, is getting the feedback from the people in your group that are there to help you grow.

And there's something about. It's like a magic, right. Going somewhere early in the morning and there's just a bunch of other people there wanting to do the same thing as you and wanting to grow in different ways for different reasons and, and that no one's getting paid for it. They're just doing it because they want to.

Right. And that's, that's the best support is people genuinely want to help other people. I think, I think it's natural for us, it's natural for me to generally want to help someone out, to help them grow, to help them be better. And that's one of the, one of the ways I do that in Toastmasters. Also, my kids were. We were very active in Boy Scouts. I did the same thing with the kids in my Boy Scout troop. Right. Wanted to help them grow, help them learn, get ready for life and be the best versions of self that they can be.

That's so good. So in 2015, when you joined, were you nervous when you first joined or had you already been speaking?

I had done a couple of speeches, but mainly in college. Nothing. Nothing on a. On a more consistent level, as I do with Toastmasters. So I was a bit nervous going in there, mainly because new group of people, right, didn't know who they were. And I have a tendency that when I get involved in new groups, I kind of sit, step back a little bit and observe the group a little bit before I kind of jump in. And so it did take me, I did warm up to it. But the good thing about Toastmasters is they get you. You're right in the schedule. So as soon as you join, they've got you in the schedule and you're already active with the group going forward, getting stuff done, whether you're an evaluator or a timer or giving a speech or hosting the actual Toastmasters meeting.

And what do you think got you to make the decision to do it? So 2015, your ex wife had mentioned before that, do it, it's going to.

Be good for your career.

You'll be able to get more confidence and then, like, what actually got you to join and overcome whatever you were going through at the time?

It was safe. It was a safe place to fail. I didn't have to worry about being judged. I didn't have to worry about. It was the safest place. I could fail in public speaking and not have to worry. Not that, you know, if you give a speech, no matter how bad you give it in public, it's going to. You're still safe, but in our emotional head, we're not. We're not necessarily thinking that. So when I got in the group, the group, just a very friendly group of people. Now we've had some changes in membership since. Since I joined, but the core of the people there are there to support you, to give you a safe place. And it just kind of like felt like an extended family, so to speak, at some point.

Because I'm just wondering, because, I mean, I had been told about it. I mean, it's probably been like 15 years, and I didn't make the decision until until recently. And so I think it's great that once you heard about it, you were able to just jump in.

It was easy. It was an easy decision. It wasn't. It wasn't a complicated decision for me. And the convenience of just being a few blocks from where I worked at Downtown helped as well too, because I didn't have to drive too far.

And I'd love to talk about the presentation you gave because it was so timely with things that I'm working on. Can we, can we kind of talk more about what that was so the listeners can hear about it as well? And then where you got the. The knowledge.

Sure.

From it as well.

So the. In Toastmasters, we're, we're given projects, and the projects are designed to kind of give you a different way. Presenting. Presenting. And I believe this one was, was getting your point across. Right. And the knowledge came from my experiences in life. Right. So in the, in the Marine Corps, we're trained to. To do one thing, and that is fight that. That's. That's our primary purpose is to. Back in the day, we called it close with and destroy the enemy. But to do that, you have to work as a group, you have to work as a team, and you have to do everything over and over and over, and you have to do it the same way so that even though you cannot communicate, you may not be able to communicate with your people, that we're all going to the same objective when we're getting the same thing done. And how we do that is by repetition. First we learn movement. So one of the first movements we learn in the Marine Corps is called I'm up. They see me, I'm down. And that is how we get across an open field, so to speak. Whereas by the time you're. You're moving and you say you get up and you say the phrase I'm up, you run. As you're running, you say I'm up, they see me I'm down. And within that time frame, you get up, you run, say the phrase, and you get down on the ground. Gives them a short time to see you to give up a smaller target or less time for a target. But movement is also in how we learn how to fight as well, because we do take martial arts in the Marine Corps. So the movement is basically repetition of the same movement over and over and over till it becomes automatic. And that helps in the training. So in the two times I deployed with the Marines, there were times that your training kicks in. And I was talking to a buddy of mine shortly after one of our deployments, and he goes, if it wasn't for the training, you would not have a rational person would not be doing what we do by running into a gunfight. But with the training, your autumn, your kick, your automatic nervous system kicks in, and you just get it done. So that's kind of where the movement part comes back. And there was a phrase I used in the presentation called, as you train, so shall you fight. So that's why we train the same way over and over and over. And that's kind of the movement part of it. And I recently started taking jiu jitsu. I take. I go to a Lions Jiu jitsu down in San Diego, downtown San Diego. And it's the same, same thing. We're learning how to grapple, we're learning how to fight. And so we learn the movements, and we practice those movements over and over and over, the same movements. And we work. We kind of work ourselves up again so that when the time comes, if we're sparring or we're in a match with someone, that I can recognize the situation, and that movement is going to be automatic for me to kick in and perform that move so that I can get the advantage in the sparring match. And that kind of goes again, repetition on the movement part. When I was in the U.S. border Patrol, we spent a lot of time on the. On the fire, on a pistol range. And at one point we had a phrase in that group in the border, we had a phrase called slow is fast. So as we're learning to draw our weapons, we draw them slow, fire at the target, and put the weapon back in the holster. Well, over time, because you're going slow, your speed actually picks up. And at some point in my career, I was able to get a shot, draw my holster, draw my weapon, get a shot off in less than half a second, and put it back in the holster. So I've always taught my kids, try to do something slow and as you progress, you'll get faster and faster at it. And that kind of go walks into the shooting skill. Because shooting is a skill like anything else in life, I think. I think everything is a skill at some point. Relationship is a skill that has to be practiced over and over and over as well to do it better and better. So I mentioned earlier that I did learn how to shoot quickly and accurately by going slow as fast. But also it goes into a creative side of me because I like to play guitar. And so when I do my technical exercises, I start off slow and I work in speed up. So I use the metronome to kind of get me a bass beat beat per minute. And then each day I increase the metronome speed to where I'm going faster and faster and faster and faster along the scale of the neck of the guitar. And that was recommended to me. My, my guitar teacher Mike is also in San Diego. So he told me goes there's no practice without the metronome. So the metronome is always being. Being used when I practice guitar. But again, going slowly and playing slowly, even if you're playing a full song, you back the song down a little bit, get the rhythm down, get the chords down, and then you become progressively faster and faster and faster. And I think on communication, on the communication side, again, the title of the speech was Move, Shoot, Communicate. And they all kind of tie in together because without communication, it's very difficult to.

Talk about what you need to talk about. So one of the things that we would practice in the border patrol is when we didn't, we weren't doing pursuits at the time, but the. My training officer would have me pretend to call in to dispatch as if I was in a pursuit. That way I could learn to. As I'm moving down the road, I can learn to communicate what, where my position was and what the status of the pursuit may have been if we were in one. So, and that kind of goes back again. Communication is very important in law enforcement. As a long time ago, my partner and I were in a fight with a suspect in mid city of San Diego. And the communication got mixed up, right? Not just between me and him, but between me, him and dispatch. And as backup was rolling to our position, San Diego Police department was our backup. They drove right past our position because we were not able to effectively communicate where we were. And our dispatch was not effectively effectively communicate where our position was as well. But the important thing about communication is building that trust between people. So in the in the, both in the military and the border patrol, we all have our lingo, ours, communication. But that lingo is there to build rapport with our people and to build trust and to kind of make sure that we're all on the same page, that we're speaking the same language. So as we go forward. But again, that goes back to Toastmasters, right? Toastmasters all about communicating effectively, whether it's giving a presentation or whether it's going into table topics. And one of the, one of the biggest, biggest benefits on the communication side I've gotten from Toastmasters was given evaluations, was learning how to give constructive evaluations to people, which also goes down, which also, if you're in a position of management where you have people that work for you that will also pass down to them so you can effectively communicate how they can be better at their jobs to better serve themselves.

Yeah. So it's basically helping you just from that leadership side too, because you're getting to evaluate someone where you have no emotional tie in to then be able to, to use it where you work too.

Exactly, exactly. And when I had City, I had a few employees under me at the City, and one employee, his name was Sergio and we worked really well together. And he'd been with the city for 30 years. And I gave him his first review after being a ToastMaster for about six months. And his comment to me was, that's one of the best evaluations I ever received. So again, it's just going through and learning how to communicate properly and making sure you build that trust and that rapport with the people that you're, that you're working with or that you have a relationship with. And that relationship could be anything.

I don't think people realize just how valuable constructive feedback is to the person. I remember I, I owned a staffing company before I was doing all this stuff. And you. We would give coaching to the employees, and I remember them saying they had never gotten coaching before in their lives. They were either just fired automatically or they just kept doing their job, even though it wasn't to the best. So it just, it's interesting how, how lacking that is, I think in, in our culture.

No, you're right, it is. And it's, it's, it's a skill. Right. That has to be learned, repeated, improved on, and then you do it again. It goes back to muscle memory. If you're going to give constructive feedback, it's an art. It's a skill. So the more you do it, the better you get at it. And but it also, you need feedback on it as well to make sure that whoever you're giving that constructive feedback to, whether it's your partner, business partner, employee, ask them for their feedback. How did it go? What can I do better? Feedback goes both ways. And I think as leaders we should, we, we should be open to feedback both ways. One, you know, again, one of the biggest issues in relationships, and I'll speak from my point of view, is that there, if there's no constructive feedback, that relationship is not going to grow and it's not going to get better. And because you're so, you know, as far as life partners and married couples and stuff like that, if you don't know how to give that constructive feedback and you're not open to it, you start putting walls up and between you and your partner. And that's kind of where learning how to give constructive feedback is so important in a relationship, to make sure that your feelings still make it hurt. But it's going to be how you deal with your, how we, how you deal with it and how constructive you deal with it.

And I'm curious, do you have a framework for how you give constructive feedback now that you've been doing it so much between Toastmasters, your job and other things that you're doing?

I do. There's, there's something called the sandwich technique. And what it is for is if I give, if I need to give constructive feedback or critical feedback to someone, I want to sandwich that critic that, that constructive feedback in between two positives. So I'll say something positive about the, I'll use Toastmasters example, something positive about the speech. I'll say a way to improve on the speech and I'll close it out with something positive about the speech as well. There is a. On top of that for every. And I've heard different ratios on this one. But the one ratio that sticks in my mind is for every one negative criticism, you have to give three positive reinforcements. So and, and I've heard ratios between 3 to 1, 5 to 1, 20 to 1 if you're, you know, if you're a couple. So I've heard different feedbacks, but on the Toastmasters, one I'll stick with a three to one. And if I can identify two to three constructive feedback ways that they can prove, I'll make sure I sandwich that into enough, into six, six positive reinforcements on their speech alone. So that's, that's also, that's kind of the framework I use when I give feedback. Also when I give feedback to employees as well.

And so we were talking about the mindset of repetition. And I wanted to kind of talk through that. That phrase you said again, because it is really impactful, I think. So the first word being move. And you sort of related it back from the. To the U.S. border Patrol to Even though. And then Twistmasters and guitar. So I think it's kind of cool where you're. You have this through line now of this message that you have all throughout. And that's basically, from my understanding, that's you bas being able to do movements and doing them so much repetitively that it becomes from your subconscious doing it. Kind of like when you're driving, you don't know. Although that's a bad example because we're. No one's supposed to be doing that.

But that's. So that's basically what that is where you're repeating it so much. So it's almost at that unconscious level that you're making it happen.

Yes. And it's not just. It's not just about movement. Right. It's also about everything that we do in life. So if I'm in a relationship and I. Or if I'm being grateful, I. I have to show gratitude. But gratitude, translating the movement, I still have to do gratitude every day. I have to do it three. Three times a day. Three gratitude stages a day. And I have to do that every day to get in that habit. Right. And so over what I can't remember the ratio is now, I think it's like 20. Is it 21 days to get a habit set in stone? Yeah, I've heard it might be a little bit longer than that too. But if I miss a day, so let's say I do Monday, I do Tuesday, Wednesday, I kind of wake up late. I don't do it well. I'm kind of out of my. My sink. And I may skip Thursday too. Well, now I got to get back into it. I'm kind of all starting from scratch. So movement is also about discipline and is doing it every day, doing your gratitude every day, doing. I do also do gratitude walks once a week. So I make sure I get out, turn my phone off, no headphones, and I just go walk somewhere in San Diego for about, you know, 30, 40 minutes. So. But you have to do it every day. And again, same thing, relationships, you have to do the same thing. Acts of kindness, show words of support, words of encouragement every day to your partner to get into. To get into that habit so that you don't miss a day. And I just finished the book called Eight Dates, and they kind of went into that. Whereas it is a 5 to 1 ratio. It sounds like on. On couples who are solid, who are good. If the couple's not doing good, it's a 20 to 1 ratio. Right. So that means I have to do, you know, on a good. On a good relationship. I have to do five positive things a day for my partner to keep the relationship healthy. Right. Again, are we all going to hit that? Probably not. But again, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition. And that goes back into the movement. The more I do something over and over and over, the better I become at it and more autonomous it becomes.

And then you mentioned a gratitude walk. What does that look like to you?

So gratitude walk is. I started that in a leadership program I started back in May. And the gratitude walk is just me. I'll just go pick an area of San Diego. I tried to pick different areas in San Diego. And I turn my phone, I silence my phone, and I just walk and I listen. I kind of take in the area, the what area I'm at, and I just kind of walk and think about where I'm at in my life, what I did the past week, reflect on it, and just kind of let nature kind of absorb myself into it. And again, movement, keeping my body moving, and just appreciate where I'm at in life. That's pretty much what it is. It's just being grateful that I'm in the position I'm at my life and life is good.

And then you mentioned the second one was shoots. Can you explain that a little bit more?

Shooting is mainly based on skill. Let's take a skill and give me a skill that you're. That you're working on right now.

Public speaking.

Okay, Public speaking. So it's a skill. And when you do it, one of the things that. So when I, when I. If I evaluate one of your speeches, but I'm sure I will at one point where I'll give you feedback on it. One of the things I'm going to always give feedback on is if you think you're going slow, go slower because it helps you articulate more. And so like that. But like anything, shooting is a skill, is a personal skill. Public speaking is a. Is a skill as well. And so the more you, as you practice that skill, you become better and better and better. And again, skills are. I mean, playing guitar is a skill. Playing piano is a skill. Singing is a skill. So the more I do it and the slower I do it, like, so I have a vocal teacher, her Name is Kenny Dye and she has been trying to get me to play songs as slow as possible while singing, is trying to maintain on key with that song. And that is not an easy practice for me.

Right.

So I really have to be focused. I have to be on top of it, and I have to pay attention and be present to make that happen. And it's still a struggle. And I've been doing it for, I think, you know, I've been doing it about three weeks for right now, and it's still a struggle for me to do. To go that slow because I'm the. My brain wants to go, go, go, go, go, but it forces me to slow down. So again, one of the phrases I used in shooting was slow is fast. So if you're practicing public speaking, one of the things I've done that seems to help me is standing in front of the mirror and going through the speech as slow as possible.

And then you're also. It's almost like compounding because then you're using that mindset of repetition as part of you being able to hon correct.

They all. All these skills stack on top of each other. So the movement, the. The shooting, which is the skill is on top of the movement. It just. It just kind of spirals into it.

Yeah, I really like that. And then with communication, we. Or communicate, we talked about constructive feedback and evaluations. You mentioned building trust and rapport. What's your. You have a framework for that or. Or a way that you like to build trust and rapport.

I think it's just. For me, it's just being genuinely interested in the person being present. And actually, actually there's a little bit of framework that I've used and it actually works pretty good. So there are two books that I listen to every year, or at least two books I listen to every year. One of them is how to win friends and influence people. And the other one is never, never split the difference.

And what I did. So I'll back up and share a little bit of a story, if you don't mind.

Sure.

So I was having some marital issues a couple years ago and I wanted to work on it, I wanted to improve it. So I got both these books and I went down and I created a framework to build rapport. And it kind of went back to another book that my ex wife had read to. To deal with the kid, to learn how to reach the kids. And it's going. It's about how to see the book. That book title was how to talk so your kids will Listen and how to listen so your kids will talk. And it goes back to how do I create an environment where people are comfortable and they're opening up to me? And what I did was I took these two books and I created a way to say, okay, part of on the never split differences is mirroring the other person. I learned this a few years ago from a friend of mine was as you're going through a conversation with someone.

It'S not just important to be present for the conversation, but to actively listen. And one of the things you do that is. And this is also part of a skill too, when they get to a certain. When they get to a pause in a sentence, repeat the last three words of that sentence back to them. You're not paraphrasing. You're literally repeating it back to them. And when you do that, in addition to asking for clarification by paraphrasing, it relaxes them. And I did this with my ex wife and it did work. Her and I were having a discussion one time and I use this technique on her where I would pair. I would stop when she was a pause, I would clarify what she was saying, and then I would repeat the last three sentences of certain of key phrases. And you could actually see her relax and be one more open to you. To me, to express what she was talking about. And so that's what I. That's the kind of framework I use. And I actually was just in a relationship workshop over the weekend and I use that exact technique. We had a. We had our partner. We had a partner of the opposite sex and we were listening to them. And I would use that technique. And when I would do it, usually I would hear the print. Yeah, that's right. And that's kind of what the kind of response. Because. Yes, because they're acknowledging you're listening to them. And that's kind of the framework that I took from both those books to kind of. To better communicate with people.

Yeah. And then you're making people feel seen. When. I think that's one of the hardest things that we have. Right. Is someone seeing us for who we are.

Yeah. And I think that's when I was. I've been in this leadership workshop since May. And when you listen to people's different stories, that was a common theme. They weren't heard and they weren't seen. And that's. It's. It's a simple skill, but it's. I don't. I think for me, it's challenging to implement because I don't Practice it enough. Right. So I'm kind of hoping with this dating challenge coming up, I will be able to put those skills into practice and practice them more and more and more. So I become better because I always. If my goal is every day to be the best version that I can and be better than I was yesterday.

Well, with this dating challenge, we're gonna do a. It's where we have dares planned each week off of a different theme. But then every week we're gonna do a bonus dare where the community. Where the Facebook community is gonna vote on different ones and then put in whatever you wanna work on, because then people can vote on it to see if that would be a dare that get something else.

Okay. I'm looking forward to that one because that is definitely going to get me out of my comfort zone. That is definitely going to put me out of my comfort zone, so. And. But I. If I don't get out of my comfort zone, I'm not growing and I'm not getting better.

Well, we could actually, if you want. I don't know. I think you ended up hearing Scott Glenn's interview, where I interviewed him before on something else, and then I interviewed him after. I didn't think about this till now, but that could be something we do too, where I interview you after the challenge is over. Yeah, we can see how. How it went for you.

No, I'm down for that one. I'm totally down for that one. Great.

And then you're. And then again, you're accountable.

Yes, I am accountable. And that's when you have someone accountable for you. It's when you have to be someone. Account is a big challenge.

Totally.

Because you're on the hook. You're on the hook. Yeah.

Oh, I mentioned this. I don't know if you heard this on the episode on different podcasts, but I signed up for 75 hard after that interview with Scott Glenn when he explained how that program worked. And have you heard of that? It's like you drink a gallon of water, you do two workouts a day, you're reading 10 pages of a book. It's like a bunch of craziness.

And I have not heard of that one yet.

Oh, it's good. But I had signed up with a bunch of friends, and then none of them. Something worked out where they just couldn't do it. And so I ended up continuing it on my own. My boyfriend's doing, like, a version of it, but not the exact one. But the only reason why I stayed with it is because I Like, announced it on the podcast, and I told my daughter I was doing it. So for a while, I was, like, annoyed with myself that I told everyone. But then I realized now I'm like, day 60. And I'm so happy that I did it because. Oh, it's no drinking too. So it's just. I feel so much cleaner and healthier, and it's. It's been good for me. But anyway, the point being is when you declare something, it definitely adds that extra layer of accountability for yourself.

It. It does. And that was something that we had to do in that leadership program. We had to make declarations. Not only does everyone hear it, but in the hopes that, okay, let's put it out in the universe and let's manifest it. Let's get it going, and let's just get this done.

Yeah. What was your declaration for that?

Oh, we had several. One of my declarations was to improve my guitar. My guitar and performance. So that there's very likely down the road in the next month or so, I may be doing an open mic. So working towards that one. I just threw that throw on a podcast, so now I'm accountable for it. And if you want to see someone scared out of their mind, there you go. Come to that. Come to that open mic and you'll see me. And that's kind of one of the funny. The funny things about me is that being with the Marines and with federal law enforcement, when it came to dangerous situations, I would have no problem jumping into it. Not a problem. Right. Because I knew what I. Even though it was chaotic, I knew that my training was going to kick in and I would be okay in that situation. Public speaking, emotional. Putting my emotion out there with emotional and public performance. Yeah, that. That's gonna be a challenge. That's gonna be a challenge. So if I don't put it out there, I know I'm not gonna hold myself accountable for it.

Yeah, I'm excited. That's actually why I want to do the do the thing public speaking thing in February, because.

I think it's gonna push me to do it more. Get ready for it.

So I'm looking for. Let me know. Let me know how that one's gonna go, because I would definitely support you and join you on that one, too, because I'm kind of curious again, how can I better. How can I be a little bit better and help some other people along the way as well?

Actually, I'll tell you just quickly, and then I want to. I want to ask you more about your podcast challenge that you're, you're about to do. But yeah, like I'm thinking it'll be similar to the dating dare, but it'll be doing dares on public speaking. Even like going to Walmart and asking if you could speak on their intercom, doing an open mic night, things like that. And giving them speaking at your kids school, whatever it is that you could speak at. Asking your boss if you can do a presentation that you wouldn't normally do things you wouldn't normally do out of your comfort zone. That's part of it. And then also it's claiming the identity of being a good public speaker. Because I read Atomic Habits and they talk about this a lot where it's like once you claim the identity of being good at something, you need to shed all your old beliefs that you aren't good and you need to actually believe it. And it was funny because I say the word a lot. I actually edit them on this podcast. The first four episodes I don't edit at all. And it's, you hear my ums galore. But after that, my daughter now edits my ums out. But so with that I decided to. I'm like, oh, I can't do public speaking until I'm better at my ums. That was the story I would tell myself. And so I ended up watching a TED Talk and it was Amy Cuddy. I don't know if you've seen this one, but she did an amazing TED Talk and I noticed she said a lot and having my daughter count and it was like, I think 42 ums that she used in that speech and it was still unbelievable. And she had like 50 million views. And so it doesn't matter, right? As long as you're able to speak to whatever it is you want. Why are you going to wait to speak publicly before you're perfect? Because when you're perfect, you're dead. You know, it's like, right?

And there's no such thing as perfection. There's no such thing as perfection. But you will find out that as you get into Toastmasters and you start hearing other, other people speak in public, you will be counting double word. You'll be counting all that stuff and you're like, oh, wow, I didn't realize how much, how many people do that. But they do it all the time.

And.

But it's a lot more prevalent when you're. After you get in Toastmasters, you'll be a lot more aware of it, of other people saying ums and stuff like that.

I Think that's the only reason why I noticed Amy Cuddy, because I'm noticing it now. I just only noticed it for myself. I never noticed other people do it. So anyway, it's been a really good. It's been a really good realization is that I shouldn't have to wait to be good. To not use the word. I can already be doing the speeches. So that's kind of what the. The dare. Dare to be a good public speaker or something like that will be. It'll just be kind of different dares to get people out of their head and then getting into like having that identity and then adding. Learning how to add humor and just different things that we all want to work on. So. And sounds like a plant. Like, yeah, not just for public speaking. It's like, do you want to get the job you want. Do you want to be in a good relationship? It's having the choice to be able to do this stuff versus just immediately saying no. It's what if you did say yes? To be able to talk to whoever you want to talk to, whether it's a Boy Scout troop or someone at the Boys and Girls Club or you never know what's going to come your way and why not just be good at it, Be able to. To do it.

There's something interesting you just, you just touched on and just. It just left my mind. But it was about public speaking. Toastmasters talk. Oh, inter Job interviews. I think when you do table topics. Again, table topics is where you're given a topic and you have up to a minute and a half to talk about it. Minimum 45 seconds, up to a minute and a half talk about it. That does amazing things for you in job interviews. Because a lot of times when you go into a job interview, you don't know what they're going to ask you. And so they will ask you a topic. And actually I just, you know, and they'll ask you a topic and you have to speak on it. So the table topics helps you actually prepare. Prepare for job interviews in that sense. Same thing. You know, in a relationship, you don't know what your partner's going to talk to you about. You don't know what subject your partner want to bring up. And so I just did so. So you can mark that. You can check that one off. I said, so this time. Yeah, so edit that one out.

And.

But so yeah, do so again.

Okay. So my partner comes up to me and goes, hey, I noticed that you didn't do something around the house that I asked you to do. And instead of getting flustered or whatever, then table topics can actually prepare you to talk eloquently about that. And not that you're going. No, not that you're going to not take ownership for not doing what you're supposed to do. But again, your communication is better. You're more prepared for on the spot questions or subjects and stuff like that. So I think for job interviews and relationships, table topics is a good thing.

Even for sales, literally there's a million things and it's so. It's so good. And then you're able to learn how to think quicker and how to come up with different stories. So. So super cool. I'd love to hear about the podcast challenge. Did you start it yet? And can you talk a little bit about what you're going to be doing?

So I've gotten some prep work done. And so when I heard about that podcast challenge for me, I was like, okay, well, let me put myself out there even more. And I have a set of cards called Big Talk. And I'm not sure if you heard about this, but these cards are designed to kind of really stimulate conversation. And I was like, okay, well, I had an idea. So I wrote down, I have 10 episodes documented out, and each episode has three different questions. So the idea is I'm just going to go out on like a third on an evening, and I'm just going to go up to people in places in San Diego and say, hey, are you wanting to do a podcast? I just want to ask you three questions and just have a conversation around those three questions. So I bought a domain site called Talking Big San Diego and that's where I'll get them posted up. I don't have a website up yet, but I'll get that up there. I'll work on that one. And I thought it'd be a great idea just to go out again, interact with people, reach out to people, learn and. But learn to connect with people, you know, And I thought this might be a very good way of doing that and getting to know people and sharing experiences with other people if they're willing to talk to me on the podcast and answer these three questions and we'll have a conversation about it. I was like, that's a good idea. And it wasn't hard to come up with 10 episodes. That's my goal is going out getting, you know, and I still got to talk to your friend that you connected me with on the podcast part and just going out and seeing people want to talk. And I Was like, well, I'll record a podcast about it. Well, you know, just have some fun. This is. Go have fun doing it.

I think that's awesome. I actually, when I started this podcast, that was what I committed to. I committed to doing 10 episodes and I was gonna see how I liked it. So it's. I think 10 is a great number to play around with and then you kind of take it from there. It's a very, like, low pressure number.

And there, you know what, there's your. There's one dating challenge. Go meet someone and interview for a podcast. So maybe I'll put that in my little vote. Hey, who's wanting, you know, stuff like that? I'll do a podcast challenge in conjunction with the dating challenge. See what happens.

Yeah, yeah, No, I like it. It's funny. The last challenge I did do a start your own podcast. And there's a. I'll send you the episode. Because Adam and I talked about trying to encourage people to do it. Because I know that for me it's opened up so many doors that I think it's amazing. And it helps you talk to people too. No one took me up on it yet, but yeah, no, I'd love it if you shared that because I think it helps coming from people that are doing it also.

So one of the things I was doing in my leadership program that we just wrapped up a few weeks ago is we had to do. We had a financial goal that we had to meet. I go, well, how can I make some extra money? And I started doing ride shares with Uber and Lyft. And what I realized, and this kind of goes back to communication, the communication part, what I realized is I was having more fun talking to people than I was making money. And we. And actually I went to go, I was doing a late night ride share. I picked up some young ladies in the San Diego State area of the University of San Diego State University in the area. And I didn't realize that people in their early 20s knew who Boston and Journey was. I figured that, you know, but she knew who Boston was, and by the time we dropped him off the house, we're all singing Journey. Don't stop believing. By the end of the ride. It was a great experience.

That's awesome.

Yeah, it was a great time. It was a great time. But what I learned from that one was is that it's when you're relaxed and when you're confident, when you're positive, it's a lot easier to communicate with people. And it's a lot Easier to connect with people as well. And I actually met a good friend of mine through that rideshare. And so we. We stay in touch. We actually work. Both work on. On North Island Naval Air Station. So we once a week or every two weeks, we'll get together and hang out for a little bit on base and just talk. And it's been a good. It's been a good relationship.

That's amazing. So you're almost building your. Your community by being able to do that. I think that's really cool.

Yes. And that's. Again, that's what I'm trying to work on right now is building different communities to support each other and to support different goals and objectives that everybody has.

Well, thank you so much for doing this with me, Paul. This was amazing. I'm so. I'm so glad that we connected and I love that. Yeah. All the things that you're doing. And I'm really excited, too. I think I'm gonna put this move, shoot, communicate somewhere visible that I can see it because I really. It really connects with me.

Good. I'm glad I did. Thank you again. I appreciate this opportunity. This was a lot of fun. Definitely got me out of my comfort zone. So I was happy. So glad to do this with you. Thank you.

Thanks for listening to the do the Thing podcast. We hope you enjoyed the show. But even more, we hope you'll be inspired to do the Thing. Do you have a burning question on Doing the Thing that you'd like answered? How about an inspiring do the Thing story of your own that you'd like to share? We'd love to hear all about it. Just leave us a voice message at dothething callcast. Co or email us at hello at do the thingpodcast. Com.