Episode 91 - Alexandria Tomayko Wants You To Redefine What Failure Looks Like And Do The Thing

I do really believe 100% from every part of me that everyone has the capacity to be able to do the things that they want and not to be held back by the mental baggage that's in our head that we want to push through.

Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. In each episode, we get down and personal with people who go after the things they want to make all their wildest dreams come true. Join us as we unveil and dissect a formula for what it takes to do the thing. Here is your host, Stacy Lauren.

Hey, everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacy Lauren. Okay, guys, so this guest. Wow, this is like, the moment that I knew that I was in complete flow state was the morning of my first day meeting her. Just recently, a month ago, I was pretty much after I took a shower. I had said, I really need to interview somebody that travels the world and lives a more nomadic lifestyle. And then that same morning, I was meeting a friend of mine who happens to be a mutual friend of ours, and she asked me if she could invite a friend of hers walking with us, and I said, sure. And lo and behold, here comes Alexandria, who is this amazing human and travels the world. And she had just been to. I think she had just lived in Bali, Bali, and was then traveling again and going somewhere else in the country. And so it was just perfect timing to meet her, and then we just connected on a lot of different levels. So I'm so excited to be able to have her on the podcast and introduce her to you guys. So I am welcoming Alexandria to the show.

Hey, Alexandria. Hi, Stacy. Wow, what a warm, like, just. It warmed my heart, that welcome. You can't see it or your listeners can't either, but there's, like, a big smile on my face, so. So I'm really grateful that we met and that we connected and that it was so synergistic and, like, delivered by the universe. I love that. Like, magical. Magical meats. Let's call magical meats.

Honestly, like, after we met, I just really. I don't know if you've done this before, but I. It took me so by surprise of just how unbelievable this power of just putting an intention out there is. And then all of a sudden you were there, and it just. I don't know. There's something really, really cool about it. And I mentioned it to the holistic coach that I work with, and then I been kind of talking about it a little sporadically on the podcast just because it was sort of the sign that I was really just on the right path with the stuff that I'm doing.

Yeah. And I think there's also a piece there that's really important to note, which is that you were open to it. So, so many times we're trying to manifest things and putting things out in the universe and it's because we don't allow it to enter that it doesn't enter. Right. Because you could have said no, who are a friend and been like, no, you know what? I just want to hang out with you. And I just really kind of want it to be us girls that know each other really well. And I'm just not really open, opening that space, welcoming me in. And I was what you were asking for at that time. So also kudos. Not only putting it out there, but being open to receive it.

I'd love to have you share with the listeners more about you and your background and your story.

Yeah. And I would like to beginning if we could just. If the listeners want to do it as well. If not, they can just skip ahead a couple seconds. But if we could, a couple of breaths together, like, it resets your nervous system. And also I've been listening to. I have a tendency of watching Netflix sometimes or videos on like 1.5. And because of that, recently I've noticed Everybody's talking in 1.5. And so when I breathe and kind of reset, it kind of slows everything down to allow it to really sink in and respond versus react, which is what I'm really working on right now. So. Good. If I can have you close your eyes and if you're listening, if you're driving, please don't do this. That's dangerous. But if you want to participate, you can also leave your eyes open. And we're going to do what's called box breathing. So we're going to inhale for four, hold for four, exhale for four, and then hold for four. And we're going to do three rounds. And yeah, it will just really help reset our nervous system. Our parasympathetic nervous system turns on and just really help get into the flow and relax. And so those who are listening will be able to, I think, absorb better and then we will be able to just connect a little bit better. So we're going to start with our inhale. And we're going to count to inhaling. 1, 2, 3, 4.

Hold.

And exhaling. 1, 2, 3,. 4. Hold.

Inhaling.

Hold.

On. Exhaling.

Hold.

Last one. Inhale.

Holding.

Exhaling.

Holding.

And then last sigh. It's Harder to do and lead. So sorry about that, but thank you for doing that with me.

It's so interesting. Timed. Wow, do I feel good right now. But it's so interesting time because I'm really working on. I joined Toastmasters recently, a couple of weeks ago, and I'm really trying to get more into being able to speak publicly because I haven't ever cared about it before, and now at least I want the choice. I want to talk to people in a group setting that I'll be able to. And that was the thing I actually had said today was I really need to slow down because they have this. They have this. It's like clicker when you use a filler word or like. Or something like that.

And they. I.

Once I started getting clicked for using a filler word, I could not get. Not distracted. One of the girls is there. Oh, a trick would be for you to just pause, slow down. And so that was the intention I set today.

Yeah, that's a really good tip. To slow down. And I have a public spake. Sp. Public speak. I've spoken in public a couple times as well, and I usually do that. And then I have, like, everybody in the audience closing their eyes. So when I'm in front of everyone, they can't see me. And it allows me to take in the fact that there are a bunch of people listening to me at that moment, staring at me in an awkward way, because it can't feel awkward to, like, public speak. So I just say, like, oh, it's just to help you guys. And really, it's just to reset my own nervous system, because I do have that tendency. If I don't do that, I speak like 10 times faster, use fillers, then forget things and feel just so rushed and, like, not grounded in everything. So it definitely helps a lot. It's a great trip. And it really helps. You also command the space because a good speaker really commands the attention of an audience. So when you're already running people through a breath exercise and they're kind of allowing themselves to be in a vulnerable space and their eyes are closed, which is. We don't think about it, but that's a pretty vulnerable thing to do, right? Close your eyes and who knows what's going to happen? And so them listening to you and you already building that energy up, I think if we look at it on an energetic level and then going into your mastery or whatever it is you're speaking about, and usually when you public speak, it's about something that you're really Good at. So, yeah, that's my. My quick tip for that.

All right, well, I'm excited. So let's dive in. Tell us about you, Alexandra.

It's a hard question to answer. Who. What about me? Okay, so we. When we met, I'll just say it this way. When we met, I had just recently come back from living in Bali for almost three years. So two years, eight months to be exact. Thank you, Covid. And before that, I actually lived in California for five years. And then before that, I was in Costa Rica for many years and I traveled to Spain. So I'm not this whirlwind traveler. Just so you guys know, it's not like I'm somewhere different every week. I would love that. But realistically, I've traveled a lot, lived out of suitcases. I've been in hospitality for 17 years. So I know the whole jet setter life, it seems very sparkly and shiny and interesting, but it just doesn't go with the way that I operate. So when I travel, actually, which is part of why we connected and everything, is I like to take time. Time is one of my love languages, so the five love languages. And I realized that not only people being patient with me and letting me take my time to speak or get ready or whatever it is, but also taking time with a place has become really important for me. Meaning time with the culture, time with getting to know the people, time with really feeling the. I'm going to get woo here. Like the flow and the energetics of this space. I feel like many of us, and especially in the US we travel with this idea of we're going to a resort. So it's kind of already out of the box, cookie cutter, if we will, you know, kind of sterile environment. That's similar, right? Four seasons in Bali is quite similar to four seasons somewhere else and so on. And so when you get out of that and you travel with this curiosity instead of like, I'm going to go. So many people have been like, I've gone to Mexico. And they sit in a resort by the pool drinking margaritas and practicing Spanish to their best of their abilities. There's no judgment here, but they don't go outside on the streets. They don't actually try to negotiate. They don't ask questions. They don't see how people truly live. And I feel like when you take that time to travel, it's different. And I think that's truly, at least for me, the definition of a nomad, because nomads stems from these people who used to Travel and listen to the land, right. It was before monocultives and us being able to do animal and farming and things like that. So we would listen to the weather, to the cycles of the world, of the earth, and then travel accordingly to meet our elite, our needs. And yeah, I think that's just the beautiful part of being nomadic that we kind of need to come back to that Nomad in the last at least three or five years has become very, very popular as a word. I remember when I started using it seven years ago or more, it was seen with such a negative connotation, especially in like the B2B world which I was in, because it meant they you weren't dependent or you're just leave somewhere, you know you're going to take my money and run on this deal or whatever it is. And I think there's such a beauty in being nomadic and there's such a learning experience in being nomadic that we really have to return to that word. So that's me. Yeah, I really like that.

I'd love to know. So where was the first place that you traveled to that was longer than a month?

So the very first place I traveled to was Costa Rica. So we basically moved there. That's my story. So we moved when I was seven. So I think also that that's what made it so much easier for me because I didn't grow up in. And depending on where you're from, I'm from Texas originally, below the Bible belt. Right. Everyone out here gets married if you're not in Austin, right guys? Yes, Austin is in Texas, but Texas is not Austin. First clarification. I feel like that's important. So out in the or in other places in cities, people get married. You get married to your high school sweetheart, that whole shebang. You get married really, really early and you settle down and then you just do like these Mexico or you know, big bear trips. And so me breaking out of that mold when I was really young and then basically being moved and living in another country, which was a stark contrast from what I grew up, right? Completely different language, completely different culture, completely different status of the country. Right. Like first world country to a country that was in development. Completely roll potholes in the roads and not big freeways and all this kind of stuff. So that was my first one and then I lived in Spain. So that's like I always am on the fence. I'm not on that line of like did I visit or did I live. So I traveled to Spain and I did my internship there. So I was in Spain for four months, and then from there. What was your internship in? It was in hospitality. So I have a BA in hospitality management. I did an internship in Mallorca, which is one of the Baylor Islands of Spain. So it's like right across from Ibiza. And so I went there and actually I. It was kind of funny. The universe, right? I had gotten offered one to go into Germany, and I said, you know, I'm a bit of a perfectionist. And in my horoscope, astrology, I'm a Capricorn. So we like to be very perfectionist. We like to be. We're very detail oriented. We like to do things right. And I was like, I can't go to Germany because I don't speak German. I know basic words, but I can't speak German. So I'm not going to go and work at a front desk in German. And, you know, Germans are very perfectionist as well. And then I get sent to Mallorca and I'm on the German side. So there's different sides. There's an English side and then like the Spanish side and then the German side. So basically it's like little Germany where menus are in German, everyone speaks in German, there's bratwurst on every corner, there's donor kebab, all of these things. And then I was forced to learn German. So I was there for four months, and then I traveled to Germany for a little bit. I was there for two to three weeks, and then I went to Barcelona for about a month. I lived in Barcelona on the Rambla, and then I went back to Costa Rica. And then from there I was there for three years. And then I moved to California. And then from California, I made a hop over to Bali, and I was only supposed to be in Southeast Asia for three months. I was going to do Bali for a month, Thailand for a month, and Vietnam for a month. And I ended up deciding to stay a little bit longer in Bali and getting really sick and not being able to go to Thailand. So I just went to Singapore for a visa run. And then Covid started to happen and everything was shutting down. And I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna stay here. So that's the story. And then right now, currently I am in the middle of planning and deciding where in Mexico I want to go for two to three months. And then from there we'll see what happens.

So when you're deciding to go somewhere, what goes into that decision? And how do you, when you're talking about planning. How does the planning process work?

So how do I make my decision? I kind of fly. The decision is seat of my right. But then the planning is like where it creates safety in my decision, let's say for me to be able to do that. So I am living in Bali, but also other places. So if you. Have you heard of human design?

Oh yeah.

Okay, so I am. So for those don't know human design, you can go get your chart. It's a natal chart. There's six different sciences. I'm putting up air quotes, but sciences, which is your astrology, your gene keys. There's gates and different things mixed into it. There's five main, five different denominations, I guess. So there's reflectors, projectors, manifesto generators. Manifestors and then generators. So I'm a generator. And we basically, as the word says, we're the generators, the power of the world. So we go, go, go, move, move, move. We're the mover and shakers of the world. And there's two types of strategy is what it's called, which is how you make decisions and how you're supposed to respond. Right. So some are invite, right. So manifestors are supposed to invite people to do things. As a generator, I'm supposed to respond to invitation. And then the way my body responds or my type responds is sacral. And there's two, sacral and emotional. So as a sacral generator, I literally feel in my body this is a fuck yes. And anything that's not a fuck yes, I don't know if I can cuss on here. Sorry. Okay.

Thank you. I should ask that before anything that's not like a full body fuck yes is automatically a fuck no. And I think whether you are a generator manifester, sacral, emotional, I think that's a great rule to live by in your life because sometimes we're like maybe. Well, I don't know. Let's try it out. Go after those fuck yeses. So when I'm deciding do I want to go to Mexico, is it a fuck yes? Yes. Okay. Where do I want to go to Mexico? Well, I know I want to be hot, I want to dive. And then that kind of helps filter the decision. And then I start to research, right? Like where to go. I kind of make initial plans because there is a part of me that likes to be surprised. So I like to kind of flow. I've always said being in planning and operations and events and everything for so many years, that it's a good reminder that a river flows because it has a Riverbank, right. So when we plan if we can provide a little bit of. Even if it's minimal structure to guide the river, everything flows more easily. If there's no riverbank, it just becomes like a giant puddle, no form kind of thing. So I like to do a little bit of not having everything planned, not having the excursions planned or anything like that. Because I don't too. Again, like my love language is time. And so I don't like to go and land somewhere and be go, go, go, go, go. Like we're gonna go site visit here and then we're gonna eat here and then we're gonna go do this and then we're gonna go do that. Just sounds awful to me. I wanna take maybe three hours to eat and have like a couple margaritas and just chill and see what happens. So I decide on where's a fuck. Yes, definitely. Weather for me has become a huge component of my decisions. I do not like being cold or I'll go to locations that are cold. For example, I've gone to Poland. I was in Germany in December. Barcelona got really cold when I was there. But it's places that are prepared for cold. Germany does it right? When it comes to winter, Kluvine is amazing. They have the heaters, they have all the clothes. They have the heaters and the floors. So I'm happy. So I usually seek out warm spots and spots that I can do things that. Right. Because like, why travel to somewhere where you're going to be miserable? I don't want to go to Alaska and dig whatever, I don't know. Or go ice fishing. Like none of that sounds fun to me. I don't want to sit in a little shack just with freezing and then having to touch freezing fish. This sounds awful. Okay, instead let's go jet skiing in Tahiti. That sounds really good. So that's kind of my process. It was interesting because when we met, I went back to California, which was technically my home base before I left. But this is three years later. Almost Covid had happened and a lot of people had left. A lot of people moved to Austin, that is in Texas. And the things that just shifted and changed and so a lot of my friends are gone. I didn't know really where to stay. I didn't know how long I wanted to stay. And I adopted this exercise of I'm just gonna let the universe show up for me and go with the flow. And even though it was magical and I was always cared for, it was awful. My nervous system was fried by the end of three weeks. And it was because I realized I enjoy planning. I enjoy having a plan. And it doesn't have to be from here to five years. I don't have a plan for my life. I know my wants and desires, but I don't have it. Okay. And then by like December 21st, I'm going to be doing this, but I have an idea. And so not having like an idea of where I'm going to be next week sounds mortifying. It was mortifying for me. It was. I know. And it was really just a manifestation trust exercise because like the universe just kept on showing up and like in beautiful ways. I stayed with the mutual friend that we met through and I had to rent a car and it was maybe 400, $500 a week to rent a car and just so I could like go through storage and like go see people and our friend was just, just take my car. And so I was driving BMWs and beautiful, wonderful cars the whole time I was in California and the last two weeks like not paying a cent, which was wonderful and a beautiful gift. But it also was creating anxiety in me of like not having a plan. So yeah, that was an interesting exercise. I don't like to just fly the whole thing by the seat of my pants. The initial decision, yes, but then there needs to be a little like a rough draft. Have you. This is the idea of that I'm taking here. And then I'm open to changing this.

Because there's part of the formula which is goals. Right. Which a lot of people talk about goals. But I think so many people think you have to be so specific in order to have a good clear goal. And sometimes it is just knowing an idea of what you want for you. Maybe the not wanting it to be in a one week period where you're going to have to move and go somewhere else. But know what your saying about even through December, end of the year, next year, you have an idea of what you want and then you just keep making steps towards that goal without it having to be perfectly laid out. You're just making one step in the direction of something you want.

Exactly. And I think with bringing back, since like this whole conversation started through manifestation being open to changing so many times, we also want to manifest something like manifest that goal of $2 million. Yet maybe there's an opportunity knocking on our door that we're not accepting because it's not the way that we envisioned it would arrive. So you're shutting off because you're so headstrong. And this is the goal, but also this is how I'm going to reach it. Sometimes there's beautifully easy laid out paths that we just walk right path past because we're so set in doing it a certain way. So I think that's also important of having just a rough draft. Like this is the general idea of what I want to do or what I want to feel. I want to feel rested, I want to feel excited, I want to feel in awe of the place that I go. And then from there it may be that the place you land is awful and then you meet someone synergistically or because the universe delivers you someone and then they take you to the most amazing place ever, which is exactly what you wanted. So good.

And I'm totally adding rough draft under the goal section in the book now because that is so.

I've never heard of this words before.

Compared to goals, I think that's great.

And I've recently in business been listening to a lot of podcasts. I when I was in Bali, I developed a tech app and so I'd never been in tech, never had startup. I had always been in events. 17 years and you know, still going in events. I'm really good in events with my zone of genius happy place and right. It feeds my necessity to have to plan everything. So I'm like, okay, this is, I'm way fish out of water. This is something that I've never done before, just having to pitch, having to do investment decks, talk to investors, value your like all of these. And I started to listen to a bunch of podcasts of successful startups that I look up to right. That I'm like, okay, how did they do that and what was their journey on whether it was their own podcast or other podcast. And the joining line that I kept on seeing was they all treated it the hypothesis. And what was really beautiful about that was like if you apply that, and I'm starting to apply it more and more in my life. So when you go to prove a hypothesis, it's either I'm going to prove that it's true or that it's not true, but there's no weight or pressure on either of those. You just want to solve that problem. So when you look at anything that's high pressured, whether it's a vacation, a relationship, relationship, a business, a life move, if you look at it more through the lens of okay, let's move to Panama for three months and see what happens. And if the hypothesis comes back at the end of three months and says Panama sucks bum. That is one thing. And so that's like a way of being like, oh, that's super light. Okay. We realize that Panama is not for us moving on and giving ourselves permission to do that versus, oh, my God, we moved to Panama. It sucks. What did we do? This is awful. And just kind of spiraling down into this unwanted lower frequency of, oh, my God, my life is over. No, no. It was three months and you realized it wasn't for you. When we're in school, we are urged to experiment and test and figure things out and be curious with life. And as we become adults, we lose a little bit of that. Right. That child pay. Like, what would happen if I would put my finger in a socket? Well, it was not good. Let's not do that end. Or what would happen if I tried pistachio ice cream? Oh, it turns out now that's my favorite flavor. And so really not shutting off and shutting down from opportunities and just looking at it. What if. What would happen if I tried this? And I just.

I just did another podcast interview earlier today, and he had. He mentioned, which I don't think I've heard it this way before. Win or learn versus win or lose. And I love that. And so it's almost like they're saying this really similar message. And it gets so important for people to understand that whatever you are going to attempt, you're going to get something from it. It's just a matter of the way you frame that attempt. Yeah.

And I think it's. We're so hard on ourselves, and we're the hardest critic of ourselves always. We have to remember that. And it's so hard sometimes, like, when you're in it, where people don't care if you fail. So what if you fail? Like, if you redefine what failure looks like, then you take away all of this pressure and you're more willing to try things. And I think that's really what more people need to do. Because a comparison, for example, it also goes with values. I was talking to my younger sister, and I have lived a different life. Right. Like, I'm 33, and even in Indonesia, going and being. They get married super early. They get married between 19 and 22. And after 22, if you're not married, you're kind of like an old spinster. So I just started to wear a ring on my finger and telling people that my husband was around because culturally, it was like a real shock for them that I was 30 to 33 and not married and not having a Significant other and all these things. So I live differently even out here in Texas that my younger sisters are growing up in this like subculture that's really important to them. Right. One of my younger sisters already has solid boyfriend, she's 22. They're planning on getting married eventually. Like all these things. And for me that's not even on the horizon. Like that's not even in Saturn. I don't know where that is. And I'm okay with that because I have other different core values right now. Right. But for her, and it was kind of a hurtful conversation, but it shines light on. I was talking to her and we were talking about her getting married and everything and does she really want to do that? And I wanted to get to the bottom of is that really going to make you happy? Because I think you should do what I'm doing, not be forever single, but travel and explore and get to know yourself and your dislike so you can know what you like and all these kind of things. And she looks at me and she I don't want to be like you because you have nothing. And what she was talking about was based of the lens of her core values, which is having a steady job, having insurance, having a car, having a house, having a plan, having a partner, having a family, getting close to building a family because that's her priorities, those are her goals. And so it's. I don't see myself as a failure. I have had multiple business that did not do well. We're not going to say failed, but didn't do well. But every time I became a better entrepreneur, every time a relationship didn't work, I became a better lover. And I don't mean it as like lover, I mean it as in like partner. Really. I started instead of saying my ex or my failed relationship, I started to define it as my almost. You know why? Because it refined for me to get closer to exactly what I want. It showed me that I don't like this, but I really like that. And I didn't know I like that because I didn't know I didn't like that. And so it's. I have so much experience that to other people it's like, wow, you have an amazing life. And then others are, you're an absolute failure because you don't have millions of dollars in savings and you can't retire and you don't have a six figure business right now. So also not letting other people define failure for us. And if you at the end of the day and I'm like, well, I'm a failure. If I don't get a partner, then that's my own personal failure. But not letting other people put their own definitions on you and project that onto you, because I feel like that's a common pitfall of us as well. And this whole, I don't want to fail, but really, how are you failing? And if you're happy with who you are and where you are in life, then keep on going.

Yeah. And I'm curious because you mentioned what your sister thinks you're missing out on or you don't have based on her values. I'm curious for your. From your perception, based on your values and where they're at, what do you think she's missing out? I want to hear the good stuff about what you're going through now.

Yeah. I feel definitely there's. I'm unapologetically myself, and so that means I over love. I can be annoying. I can be ridiculously comical in inappropriate situations. I cannot do nine to fives and my need for traveling and not to stay still. For me, it's like a very stagnant life. Like, for me, the idea of, like, let's build a house and live here until we get old, it makes my skin crawl. My Sagittarius does not. My Sagittarius loves freedom and loves to learn and loves to explore. And so I've done that. I wanted to dive, and so I got advanced certified in diving. And now when I go to Mexico, I'm hoping to get my dive masters. I wanted to learn about energy healing, so I became a chronic healer while I was in Bali. So all of the things. What I'll say is this. I put myself at the forefront because everything that I've wanted to do up to now, I've eventually done. Sometimes there's like an internal conversation of you shouldn't or. But I have done so. I have, like, a massive amount of certifications that really do me no good. I don't make money off of them like other people, but they made me happy because I was curious and I love to learn, and I gifted that myself that. So I think those would be the biggest differences.

So did you. Are you still doing the app?

That's a great question. That's the thing also is my generator. It's. It's. At that point, I feel like every entrepreneur or every business owner and CEO has this. This tipping point where when do you dig in and you do more and when do you give up? Just call it. And I came back to Resuscitate it. Because of COVID because of everything else, I did have a. Not because of COVID but I did have one of the promised investors back out. So then that led to other deals falling through because they were contingent on one investor. So I'm gonna come to it back and I'm gonna get another angel investor, and I'm gonna get a co founder, and I'm gonna do all these things and just, like, blow it out of the water. And I was so excited. And actually, when we met, I was still so excited and hyped about it. And then now, almost like a month and a half later, I don't really know. So I'm giving myself until December to find a co founder. So if this launches before December 2022 and you are a technical co founder, reach out. And if not, then I'm letting that be the determinant to call it because it's just. It's no longer lighting me up. So I think to backtrack in my story a little bit, the reason I think I make choices the way I do is because I had a very dear friend, my best friend, when I was 24 and she passed away, it was very just. It was excruciatingly painful. And it was this realization that many of us don't have until later on in life, that we don't have an eternity. Someone could die tomorrow, and you could die tomorrow. So I made a vow to myself that the moment I wake up and I don't want to go to work, the moment I. It's really the moment I wake up at an alarm, and I dread waking up to that sound of the alarm. It is the moment that I take action to change things in my life, however they may be. And so that's given me a lot of permission of. I've had multiple companies, and I could sit here and feel really bad if I failed. But I've learned so much and explored and realized what is for me, what isn't for me, that now I'm kind of approaching it as, okay, this is no longer lighting me up. I don't want to build myself into a jail, because the whole reason of me being an entrepreneur is to do things that light me up and give me the freedom of choice, not freedom of time. We always believe it's freedom of time, but it's freedom of choice and to help other people and magnify my gifts for the world. So the moment that it's no longer in alignment and it feels a job actually is the moment I Shift it. So after that in the story, about a week later I walked in and I quit my job. I was making good money for where I was for my title. I had sold. I had like scaled the company I was working with about 40% and made them half a million dollars in four months and getting commissions off of all of it. But I was not happy. This is awful. I am not enjoying the ocean. I'm not surfing, I'm not seeing sunsets. I'm. What is the point of life if you're not making yourself happy and you have one job in this lifetime and it is to make yourself happy. So that really shifted things all that to say it's uncertain right now what's going to happen with the company. I started a different project that really lit me up and got me excited while trying to find a co founder and interviewing. So we'll see. I potentially could do both of them. But what's really not lighting me up is the technical side. That's not my zone of genius. And I tried. I did it for two years and it just really generator. When something isn't aligned and it's not a fuck yes. It feels really heavy in your body. It's kind of being drunk or stoned. I don't know what is a good analogy. Right. Just having sandbags in your body and needing to drag yourself somewhere. It's awful. So that's currently the feeling. And I feel bad talking about my company this way because I've loved it and built it for two years but it's really taken the fun out of it. And not to say that I can't be serious and I can't work and build things and put in the work, but I do believe that work can be fun and should be fun. So that's where I'm currently at with that.

This is really what do the thing stands for. It's first of all doing the thing. Not being scared of failing at the thing and getting in there and doing it. And sounds like that's what you've been doing with going after these different companies. And then you're smart where maybe not the right thing. You're either pausing to let it go or you're not doing it anymore versus the person that just keeps doing it. I forget the word you used, but I loved it. The, the chained or the. These handcuffed or something.

Oh, building a jail.

Building a jail. Yeah. Like a lot of times happens, right. Like people think they have to keep moving forward even though it's basically the thing that's imprisoning them. So anyway, I think it's really speak to you following this do the thing message because you want to do something that's aligned with you and the things that you want, not what other people might think is good.

Yeah. And I think with that the, the whole like not building yourself into a jail, I think that goes back to like what we were saying at the beginning of the hard headedness right. Of like, okay, yeah, you want to be successful and you want to make a lot of money. But sometimes by you thinking that it only has to be through this avenue or a common one that even I felt was like, I've spent so much time and energy on this, whether it's a relationship, whether it's an animal, a partnership, a business that you don't want to give up or give in. It's not give up. It's like you don't want to surrender or say goodbye to it or close that chapter. But it's also, maybe it served its purpose up until there. And how much more time aside, you can't beat a dead horse. I mean, you can, but like the thing is like don't beat a dead horse if it's already dead. Digging in and basically just locking that jail and throwing away the key and having you stay in there for eternity isn't going to be beneficial either. So why not be like, you know what? Instead of I wasted seven years, I learned for seven years and I grew and now I can have so much gratitude to the project company person and, and now move on from a fresher place. So what do you think's the biggest.

Thing you learned just through all the travels you've done?

My favorite thing and the biggest thing that I've learned is at the root of everything, humanity is good. All humans are good. And the reason, one of the reasons I love to travel and whether it is two weeks or two months, is it puts me in a state of vulnerability. Like I love going to countries or places where I don't speak the language because it forces you to struggle and ask for help, to have even your most basic needs met. Right. Have you ever gone to a restaurant or something in a place that you don't speak the language and have to ask like what things are in the menu. And surprisingly enough, always, always, always someone will show up and help you and it's back to that. Genuine people are good. At our core, we're good. We want to help other people, we want to love other people. And so it gives us a touch of true humanity again. Because I believe through, whether it's social media or news or everything, that we're getting bombarded with, that we're really harping on the negative. Oh, Russia is bad because it's invading Ukraine. But Russians are not innately bad. Decisions that the government has made are bad. So it gives me, in our earth and society, in the world, that we can love each other, and we don't need necessarily language to do that. How many stories have you heard or even seen? One of my friends recently there, she's Brazilian, he's French, and they live in Bali, and that's where we met, and they went to one of the beaches. And in Bali, usually you drive a scooter. So when it rains, kind of like in Southern California, people don't drive when it's raining because the rain, depending on how hard it comes down and at the speed you're driving, it actually physically hurts, right? Like, it's cold, it's dangerous, and it hurts. So they were at the beach for the afternoon. They were about to go back to have, like, lunch or dinner. And I'm paraphrasing the story, it's not verbatim, but this torrential downpour came, and they got stuck in the rain, right? So they huddled next to this, like, little hut because there's, like, nothing on the beach, right? And there's this older woman, the matriarch of the family, and they. It's their house, and they have very basic means, and she's cooking and just tending to her family, but said that they could stay there and that that's not a problem, you know? And they were, like, super grateful. And a couple of hours go by and it still raining, and there's, like, no escape for them, right? Like, it's just getting worse. It's not lightening up. It's. It's just not gonna let them leave. And his girlfriend, my friend, starts to get really hungry because she's, you know, we were on our way to eat, and so now I'm starving, which, you know, quote unquote, but starving because we haven't had food. And this woman sitting there. And so he asked, like, can I buy. I see you have mangoes. Can I buy a mango from you? And she opens it and cuts it and gives them to them and doesn't ask for money in return. And then a couple moments later comes over and, like, feeds them, right? So, like, they don't have, like, enough food. Like, Bali went through a hard, hard bit of COVID right? Like, they're starting to recover, right? Now, but financially it was really hard because they're based on tourism and their borders were closed for at least two years. So a lot of these families don't have anything more than rice to eat and little at that. So. But she was. I was just so shocked of how we're these strangers in the rain on her porch. And she doesn't have a lot of food, barely to feed her family. And she's offering us this food, like not only the mangoes, but then serve them a warm meal and have them sit down with them. And it's. That's truly the essence of humanity and who we are as humans. And we've deviated from that so much. So travel, I think, brings that back and allows you to connect on a human level because you're not connecting on status, you're not connecting on anything else. You're connecting out of. These are my needs. I need help. I need to explore your country, I need to understand your culture, I need to understand your language or I need to eat, I need to sleep, I need to go to the bathroom. And so that's always been so beautiful because it never fails. Someone will always step up and help you. And it just always reignites my trust and hope because things have been dark and they're going darker, right? Like climate change and all of these things and wars and people hating on each other and cancel all of these things that are happening. That those moments of looking to someone I someone else's eyes and being able to ask them for help and then provide it, or you help other people in certain situations just really is one of the biggest things that I've learned and that I love to continue to see when I travel.

And with that, how do you not, when you're traveling and you're alone, how do you not feel isolated? How are you getting connected to other people?

I've been able to manifest really well this. So it's interesting because none of my international travels. Oh, maybe just once have I, like, flown there alone. They've always asked. And funny story, I, before going to Bali, the universe was telling me, you're going to Bali, like very, very clearly, to the point where I said universe, to go to Bali. If you want me to go to Bali, because I'm hearing these messages you are going to need to deliver me, whether it's a contract, a gift, or whatever. X amount of money. Two days later, I opened my mail and I had a check for the exact amount of money that I had requested. There is no way I can't go to Bali. So then I was trying to weasel myself out of the deal and was like, well, I need you to send me a travel partner. And then I'm on this call that night, and somebody's, hey, you're planning on going to Bali? I'm planning on going to, like, Southeast Asia. We should chat. And then we connected, and within a week, we were on a flight to Bali together. So I've been able to manifest this by staying open. So sometimes Facebook. So there's different groups. There's nomad soulmates, there's girls who love to travel divers. Depending on what you like, there's always a group or a meetup, depending on where you are in the world. And then I was really grateful that I actually knew one person. I didn't know she lived there. When I flew out and then arriving, I saw, like, one of her stories that she was in Bali, and I was, oh, my God, I'm in Bali. And she's like, let's have lunch. I'm like, for sure. And then she popped me into all of these WhatsApp groups of a bunch of nomads and expats. So the other thing that I love is it's actually so much easier to make friends abroad for me, I find, because in European culture, in the US Culture, especially not in. In Central and South America, I don't see it as much. But those two cultures, we're very in our. I mean, I would call them ruts, but that sounds a bit of judgment. So very in our way of doing things. Right. Like, you go to work, you go home, you go out with your friends, and then, you know, you do the whole thing. So it's not like you're not putting yourself out there to welcome new people or just go out and meet new people, which I loved. On one of your dares, part of that is your do the dare, do the thing date challenge, is it?

Yeah.

Okay. Where it's like being open to that. And so I feel when you are away from home and you are categorized as like a nomad, digital nomad, or, you know, you're staying over a week, because if you go for just a week on vacation, usually you go with someone else or something like that, people are more open because you're in the same situation. So, again, out of that need, almost that need for connection, that need to know where to get a bike or where to get a meal or where to change money or where to get the translator for the police or whatever it is, stems just like this connection. It's like, when you go on, there's something I'd read where, like, if you take a first, like the best way to the best odds to get a second date is to have the first date to go on some. Somewhere that is either like a scary house or Six Flags or something that's kind of outside of your comfort zone that gets your adrenaline pumping because when you're feeling in this kind of vulnerable survival mode, you actually bond. Like, can you release chemicals in your brain that bond you together? And so then you have this form of intimacy that you wouldn't have built otherwise. So in communities around the world, based on the fact that we need to be fed and we need help and we need connection and we, you know, have all of these needs, like the Maslow hierarchy, we bond in a different way. So I found some of my best friends traveling just by being open. Because if you don't know someone, then you're going to go to maybe a meetup of entrepreneurs in Bali or in Thailand just to meet people and be around people who maybe speak the same language or feel a little bit home.

It's kind of reminding me of you're immediately sort of knowing that you're around like minded people because you're traveling and doing the same type of adventures.

That's what I really love about Nomad. It's this everyone's welcome energy. It's kind of Thanksgiving all the time. So my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. Why? Because no matter who you are, if you don't have a place to go, there's always a seat at the table, or at least in my family, it's like that. But I know a lot of families are like that and there's no expectations. Valentine's Day, Christmas, all of these other ones, like you have expectations to either have a partner or show up with gifts or do something or. But on Thanksgiving, if you show up, you're welcome. You're hungry and you're gonna be fed and that's it. So it's kind of like when you're traveling and meeting these Nomad communities, it's Thanksgiving all the time. Oh, Stacy, you don't, like, you don't know anybody in town? Oh, don't worry about it. I'm actually hanging out with my girlfriends tonight. Do you want to come? Invitations that are thrown around so easily and they're genuine because people genuinely want to connect and they want to know your story and they know you're interested and they know you're like minded.

I would love to hear your number one piece of advice for doing the thing.

My biggest thing. And I actually recently got this tattooed. It's in Spanish, but the translation is what would happen. So we are so good at making stories in our mind of what is going to happen in a bad way. What if we fail? What if we don't get the job? What if we don't do this? What if they don't like us? What if I trip? What if, what if, what if, what if, what if? And we have this urge to do something, to do the thing, and instantly we talk ourselves out of it. And so it's telling those thoughts and those stories to just take a backseat. And you said I could cuss. So to shut the fuck up and just do it. And ask what would happen if it worked? What it would happen if this thing changed my life. What would happen if this was the best thing that ever happened? Because the one thing that at least I live by is I don't ever want to arrive to my grave playing the shoulda, coulda, woulda game. Like, I could have done this. I should have done this. What would have happened if I. If I did? And so by just actually doing it. And a lot of it is just that, quieting those stories and either going back to facts, if you need that to hold onto, or just, like, sheer gut and just being. Just gonna do it. I feel called to become a beekeeper. Just do it. And you know what? At the end, treat it as a hypothesis. If it didn't work and you got stung and you found out that you're allergic to bees, maybe beekeeping isn't for you. But now you know. So, yeah, just do it. Ask yourself what would happen if it turned out okay.

Well, do you have any place where people can follow along with your adventures?

I guess my Instagram. So be warned. I've kind of been noted as, like, the queen of memes. I love memes. Guys. If you guys love memes, like, there'll be, like, one picture every other day of, like, something I'm doing, but memes. So it's eternal. Nomad. And Nomad with an H. So I'll spell it out. So it's eternal. And then Nomad. N O M H A D. Let me actually double check that. Sorry.

And then, yeah, so you'll see a bunch of memes. I don't really post a lot. I could try to get better at that. Maybe I'll do. Yeah. And so always, you can just DM me, you can message me, you can comment, and, like, what things are you guys doing? Do the Thing and talk. Just fucking thing. Yeah. And if you are afraid to do the thing that just messages me, I'm scared. And I'll just. I'll voice. I promise to voice note you and just be like, just do the fucking thing I got you. So, yeah, just. I'd love to connect with you guys. And then I don't know if. Stacy, you have show notes. I can send you the link, but then I can also spell it out, which is eternal. Nomad, E T E R, N A L, N O, M A, H, D. And yeah, so there's. I'm, like, looking through it right now. So there's, you know, a bit of, like, the travels, a little bit of diving. Yeah. And another thing, if you're a braid. To travel or go somewhere, commit to yourself. Something that I've done is I made a commitment a couple years ago, I think, like, 2018 or something, to always spend New Year's in a different place. Ooh. And that's been, like, the most amazing commitment I've made to myself. Because it could be a different city. They have to be different. Like, it can't be. Oh, a different area in the house, like, in the backyard this year and in the front the next now. But it could be a different country, it could be a different region. And that's taken me on some wonderful, wonderful adventures. Like, I did one in Panama, and because New Year's is universal, it's international, and then you get to see how each color culture celebrates it. Right? So I remember one of them, and I think there's pictures on my Instagram where in Panama. And we're counting down. And I had just decided it was like a spur of the moment. Like, I just have to get out of Costa Rica, because I already did a New Year's in Costa Rica, so I have to go to Panama. Or, like, I chose to go to Panama, and it ended up one of my friends just talking, and she. I want to go. I'm like, let's just do it. And we just went. And there's like, a picture where they do the countdown and fireworks are going off, but then they're spreading like, they're popping confetti around me. And I just turn around and I'm in the middle of the street. Hundreds and hundreds of people on this small little island that's only, like 2km big. And everyone is dancing and singing and chanting. And it was the most inspiring moment. So maybe it's not New Year's, but maybe it's like your birthday, spending it with different people or in a different place. But, you know, if you're afraid to do one thing that you want to consistently do, maybe commit yourself in that way to do it, like, annually or biannually. And that's been a great also practice that I have.

It's the consistency that also kind of makes you get out of your everyday routine, too.

Yeah. And it was. I love to travel, and sometimes we get in our ruts and we forget what we love and what sparks joy. So this way, at least, like, at the very minimum, I will travel at least once a year. And since I made that commitment, it's been wonderful. And I've actually traveled a little bit more. Right. Like, been to Panama, been to Nicaragua, been to Costa Rica, been Spain, other places. Yeah. And it's just really been amazing because then come around New Year's if someone just asked me randomly, and again, the universe just offers these beautiful invitations where, like, the very first New Year's, I ended up in this private airplane hangar with this motocross team. And I had to say yes because I had already spent it in San Diego. So we were actually in Miram or in one of those, like, hangars out there in California. So that was wonderful and beautiful. And then Mexico for one New Year's. And so, yeah. Do it, guys. Do the thing.

Well, thanks so much for coming on. It's been so much fun getting to talk to you more.

Thank you. It was wonderful. And thank everybody for listening to me rant about the things that I do in my life and.

Do the thing.

Just do the thing. Just do it, guys. Just do it. Honestly, what would it cost you to not do it? I think that sometimes outweighs what it will cost you. Whether it's financial or emotional or physical. Just. Just fucking do it, man. So that's. That's my end.

Thanks for listening to the do the Thing podcast. We hope you enjoyed the show. But even more, we hope you'll be inspired to do the thing. Do you have a burning question on Doing the Thing that you'd like answered? How about an inspiring do the Thing story of your own that you'd like to share? We'd love to hear all about it. Just leave us a voice message at do the Thing callcast co. Or email us at hello do the Thing podcast dot com.