Episode 96 - Dr. Nancy De Andrade Life Shows You That Gold Ring As You Follow How You Want To Feel

I do really believe 100% from every part of me that everyone has the capacity to be able to do the things that they want and not to be held back by the mental baggage that's in our head that we want to push through.

Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. In each episode, we get down and personal with people who go after the things they want to make all their wildest dreams come true. Join us as we unveil and dissect a formula for what it takes to do the thing. Here is your host, Stacy Lauren.

Hey, everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacy Lauren. So I have brought on a Do the thing favorite, Dr. Nancy D', Andrade, who is my personal holistic coach and has been a expert in a lot of the things that we are doing for do the Thing and has been helping guide our community. And I'm just so excited to have someone that I can reach on and call to when I have questions and people are asking me questions that are related to do the Thing when it comes to mindset or when it comes to intuition or really with whatever might be holding them back from doing the thing. And I was inspired to have her come on again because I been talking about doing this assessment for you guys on really being able to help you hone in to what's stopping you from doing the thing. And I had a person ask me, what if I don't know what my thing is? And that's what's preventing me from doing the thing? And that's what inspired me to bring her on so we could really talk more about that because she is an expert in all things relating to finding your thing. So I am welcoming Dr. Nancy to the show. Hey, Dr. Nancy.

Hello, hello, hello, hello. It's nice to be back and it's nice to always chat with you, Stacy. You are a light to this world, and it's such an awesome experience to be around you and see your energy and feel it. It's just really cool. I'm excited.

It's so cool just to know I have you that I could, like, call on when I get these questions. And I really want to not just give a superficial level answer. I want to be able to dig deeper to really help people discover really what's at the core of what they want to do and how they can get there. And I just am so glad that we were able to have this conversation today.

Yeah, it totally varies in the way that you approach life and the way that you approach what you want to do. But I think that the basis of finding your thing is pretty much finding your why. Why are you doing what you do and what is it that drives you and inspires you? Many people do something that they may not feel inspired, but with a goal in mind of fulfilling their whys. And those little steps take them to, to where they want to be. Now this is like a pretty broad concept and I want to sort of distill it a little bit and, and give some practical ways to, to find in your. Your things. In previous episodes and even on the do the Thing Facebook group, we've talked about setting expectations, setting a goal, and then letting go and releasing. And that is a magical way of really experiencing, finding the path or the path actually finding you versus you, pushing and struggling and hustling to try to make it happen. You sort of align to the path and you let things sort of fall in your lap. But the main question that I want to ask is why? Why do you want to do this thing or anything? What is driving you? And so I would ask you to take a moment and journal, write down why. What is it that motivates me, what makes me behave in ways that I feel like are inspiring? Why do I help my friends? Why do I help people? Or why do I push hard? Or what is it that moves me and makes me do things? Because when you start finding that reason, then you start finding what's at the core. And so, for example, you may say, I really love creating this Christmas cards for my friends and I really enjoy seeing their faces light up. And, and I see how much they appreciate the love that I put in each car. So that to me is telling me that what you are really loving is that creative experience. And so notice what lights you up, notice what makes you. You could spend all day doing and you forget to eat and sleep and even drink water. You can do it just from the bottom of your heart and brings you so much joy. So that would be the first step in tapping into the. They call it the breadcrumbs. You call it the breadcrumbs. In your future book where you sort of follow those little steps, that little guidance is sort of internal guidance that is showing you the path. So when you tap into that thing that makes you feel so alive and it's not coming from the people pleasing, it's not a like, oh, I like to help because I, I want them to like me or I just, I want to be helpful because I don't want them to be mad at me. That is not what's coming from your heart. What's coming from your heart is. Is something. It's a satisfaction that even if they don't thank you, you still feel so satisfied. Of course, thanks is always welcome, but you don't do it for that reason. And so the first step is that. So imagine. I just want to give another example. Imagine that you arrive to your friend's house and you start cleaning, and you just like to keep things neatly organized and. And you like that harmony that is present when you put things in order and you bring flowers and all of those things. You may think, well, I don't want to be a house organizer. That's not my thing. But what I want you to see is that feeling. What is that feeling that you're experiencing? I'm feeling harmony is what I want to bring into this world. I'm experiencing the sense of organization or coordination or beauty. That's the feeling that I want to bring. So hold on to that feeling so you can go to the next step. So once you have that feeling, the first step is sort of honing into that feeling. Then you explore different things. Perhaps it's not organization or perhaps it's not holiday car making, but when you start tapping into the things that make you feel that harmonious or that creative, then you start following and testing little things. Maybe you start, I don't know, candle making, and you start getting excited, but then start getting overwhelmed, and you start feeling resistance. Listen to that. Listen to that resistance. But let's say that you start actually creating journals. And to you, that's like, wow, I just did, like, 20 journals in a blank. Like, follow that energy. Follow the energy of flow. That is flow. So when you follow that energy of flow, that's telling you this is the path. It's sort of like the path of least resistance. And I'm gonna pause here for any questions, Stacy, that you might have.

You know, it's funny. It's coming to my mind. It's like the most random thing, but my boyfriend's family came over for Thanksgiving, and I remember being really wanting them to have a good experience when they were at my house. So I was asking people, because I'm not the entertainer, you know, normally I'm not someone that is really good at entertaining. I like having people over, but I don't like doing all the planning. And so I started asking people, people, even my hair. The person does my hair. Some friends. What do you do when, like, people come to your house for Thanksgiving and. And they're, like, telling me all this Stuff. And they're like, oh, these table settings and oh, and get these really cute towels for your bathroom. Oh, and make this dish. And I literally. People sent me, they were amazing. They sent me all these amazing recipes and oh, even signature drinks and this whole thing. And then it was funny. I was like talking to my boyfriend. I know I was talking to my boyfriend about it. And he's. But that's not like. Because I'm telling him, oh, and I could do this and this. And he's like, but that's not what. Who you are. This isn't. You know, it was almost like I was presenting if they. I would have done all that. I would have been presenting this other version of myself that isn't even real.

Totally.

And he's. We're just gonna get sprouts, which is like, for those of you that aren't in San Diego, like a grocery store that's healthy. And they had pre made food and we'll bring it over. And then, and then I had drinks available and it was like the coolest. Here's the thing, the point of me bringing this up and I think why it's coming alive for me right now. As I was talking to other people about what I should do, they were coming alive and they were excited and it was something that really was really fun for them to talk about. So in that scenario, even though that's not what is thing for me, that's a thing for them. So that's another the reason I bring it up. At the risk of you guys judging me for my lack of. Of cooking skills, I just wanted to. To mention that's the kind of thing when you notice you're giving someone advice about something and it lights you up. That's something that can also sort of power in your thing.

Yeah, totally. I was gonna say that when you ask your friends, what are you good at? Or you ask your friends, what do I bring into your life? And they can always say, wow, every time you come. You're so good at giving me advice about this and this and that, or, but you're so good at how to fix cars. Or they will tell you your biggest. Now don't ask your parents or your siblings because they'll be like, you suck at everything. But. Or, or they will be so partial.

And say, oh, you're.

You're lovely at everything. But ask your friends. Ask your friends that are close to you, that you engage with what, what you're good at or what you bring into their lives. But one caveat that I want to bring is you have to be careful to not compare yourself. So when you are seeing, oh my gosh, this person on social media is doing this, I should be doing the same, or look how great they're doing that. I should be doing better. That comparison is going to kill your confidence because you won't know what your truth is. You're not tuning in. You're looking outside of you. And I'm not saying don't look for inspiration. Like, sometimes I start feeling inspired, I go to Pinterest or something and I. I start getting ideas, and then I get inspired to create certain things. But when I start looking at what other people are doing that I'm not doing, then that definitely is. It's a detriment to you. It takes you off the path of the flow. And then another piece is what you just brought up, which is let go of the need to be perfect at everything or to be good at everything. You can hire people. You can ask people to help. You can. My daughter is. She's a manifester, and she's not very good at executing. I'm a generator and I'm great at executing. And so we help each other. She's. She has an idea. I execute. So the same with. With people that are, for example, more artistic, but they might not like so much doing the. The accounting or people that are very practical and they're not really thrilled about decorating their house. You can just allow yourself to be. You allow yourself to be good at what you love doing. Not wanting to. To show a Persona the way that you were just explaining, honoring that. And then that also guides you to your zone of genius. Because when you are spending time trying to figure out how to do everything, then you're not spending time honing in into your zone of genius, into your expertise, into your. Your gifts. You know, what you really love doing? If. If I were to ask myself, what do I do? What. What should I do? What's. What's my thing? I would look at everything that I love doing, and I would start just honing in on one and seeing how that flows. And when there's resistance, I see if I can go with the resistance or the resistance is too hard. And if it's too hard, the resistance, then I move into the next thing that I want to explore.

And now, yeah, I just wanted to say, and we've talked about resistance before, but for those of you that haven't listened to that, I wanted to just kind of bring that up here because sometimes resistance could be because something's hard, like, outside your comfort zone. But other times, it could be resistance of, you know, not being the right thing for you. So can you give just a quick tip on how to determine which one it is?

Yeah. All of the answers that you need are inside of you. No one is going to tell you how you feel, what you should do, Everything. Every answer is inside of you. And so for. For a moment. When a moment comes where you are feeling the resistance, stop, stop. Calm your mind. Just go do something else for a moment. Watch a video of the ocean. I don't know, meditate for a second. Just stop the brain, stop the mind, calm your energy, and then go back to it. And if you find that the resistance is, I just feel overwhelmed because I feel like this is too much, or I just feel like I'm not good enough, then you are realizing, these are my emotions. This has nothing to do with. This is not. The good thing for me is how I'm feeling. So if you can pause for a moment and tune in into your emotions, then you can feel like, okay, I keep really going, hard at it, and I'm really motivated, and I keep making it happen, but for some reason, it's just not happening. Calls keep getting dropped. Appointments keep getting canceled. I don't know what's going on. Let the universe guide you. Let that be a message to say, hold on. Stop. Something that I do is, I try twice. The other day, I wanted to upgrade my phone just because the cameras are so cool and whatever. And so I went into my account and I couldn't do it. It got. It froze. I'm like, all right, fine. I try one more time, and it freezes again. And I said, okay, I'm not trying a third time. That's when I found the resistance. And the universe is saying, stop, hold on. And then I just got a message saying, like, hey, we're having a sale, and you can get the phone that you want for a lot less and blah, blah. I'm like, thank you. Thank you. So when you see that the universe is working out for you, then you stop pushing or forcing things to happen. You allow things to show you the way. You allow the. The universe to guide your steps.

Let's go back to. I love that idea of them writing down the questions of, what is it that motivates me? What is it that moves me? I love that one. What is it that moves me? What makes you feel alive and what lights you up inside? And so here's my question with that. Sometimes when people start off and there's nothing there picture of it. Like you're writing a book, for example, and there's a blank page and you need to all of a sudden realize this book, it's almost like insurmountable because you're, you haven't, you don't have anything down or. I used to do this when I would do marketing material when I had my company. I had to start with something, I had to look at something in order for me to start having the ideas generate. And so what if someone's kind of stuck where they're just getting started in noting this stuff down, what would be an easy way for them to just simply start?

Yeah, the first step would be get in state. So what that means is you have to put your body and your mind in a state of flow and receiving. So for some people, is jumping up and down and dancing for other people is driving for other people, is meditating for other people is just, I don't know, sewing. Whatever it is that gets you in a state of flow or in a state of ease. Because when you're searching is. It's sort of like there's a. This little parable or example in the Buddhist tradition where let's say that you dropped your gold ring in a little pond and immediately you put your hand in the pond and you start stirring the water and looking for the gold ring. But you can't see it because the more you move your hand in the water, the muddier the water gets. And so all you have to do is take your hand off the water and let the dust settle, let the mud settle, and then the ring will shine. You'll see it. You'll see the gold shine in through the water. So the same with the mind. When you're searching and you're desperate and you're like, oh, I gotta find something, that you're not going to find anything. Your brain is going to go into fight or flight. Your brain is going to say, well, what are we? What are we escaping for? What, what are we afraid of? What's going on? And there's not going to be that enough calmness and ease. So some people practice meditation. A lot of actually successful entrepreneurs practice meditation to ease their anxiety and make better decisions. And for you, it will be important for you to ease that your mind and be in that state. And then when you are in that state of ease, then you ask, I want to be shown. Please, God, universe, whatever you believe, life, show me, show me. So in that way, you're not necessarily searching, but you know is inside of you and the universe or life is going to show, show it to you. And you let go. You let go. And maybe you go visit a friend, or you go for a drive, or, you know, you just go about your day with the expectation that you're going to be shown. And you, you start noticing like, oh, wow, this friend just told me that I'm really good at this. And this other friend told me the same thing. Oh, wow. Start listening for those clues. Start allowing that information to come to you versus you, chasing and pursuing. Allow that inspiration to come to you. And perhaps you even find yourself, maybe you're making like this delicious, healthy meal that it just turned out so beautiful that you want to take a picture and share with the world. And you're like, wow, I actually really like this. Oh, wow. And let it sort of thinking, let it come to you and be that. Aha. Wow. Okay, I see it. Another suggestion would be maybe you just. If you're very, like, practical and you just want like, okay, give me step by step, then maybe you can just write down a list of everything you're really good at. Everything. Well, I'm really good at vacuuming the floor, you know, or I'm really good at making $20 million. Or I'm really good at connecting with people. Just write down all of the things that you're really good at. And now on another sheet of paper or right beside it, you can write down the things that bring you energy, the things that light you up. So, for example, you might be really good at talking with people, but it depletes you your drain at the end of the day. Then put like a little X or maybe next to it. You may be really good at fixing bicycles. And when you're done with a friend's bicycle, you're so elated, you're so energized. Or you're like, this is really good. Or you may be amazing at interviewing people on podcasts. And when you're done, you're like, I have so much energy, I don't know what to do. Notice those things that bring you energy and put a little check mark next to them. And then see if there is something in particular out of those things that light you up. If something that you would like to start with, something that you feel like it would be easy to start just so you. You start practicing that flow. You start practicing those things and you don't block yourself. For example, you say, well, I'm really good at remodeling houses. And then you're like, I'm going to go and remodel 20 houses. That might be a too big of a step. So perhaps you pick something that is a little bit smaller. Maybe I'll create a flyer to organize houses and give it to the real estate people to help them or whatever. So notice those little things and start small to test what really brings you energy, what really feels into flow, what really feels like it's the path, at least resistance.

Something else that's coming up for me, and I wanted to explore this with you, is when I was doing. I was doing some, like, training for selling on Amazon, one of the things they have you do, one of the programs I was in is the moment you wake up in the morning, you're supposed to, like, write down every thing that you use as you go about your day. So like an example would be waking up and using your toothbrush, then using toothpaste, then using floss. Then I'm gonna walk my dog, so I have a leash, and then I have the poop bag, and then I fill my dog's bowl with water. And so anyway, you're writing all that down. So then you get to see, like, what are those products that you use all the time? So then you can start to then research which of those products sell. And I was just wondering. I love that idea because it's also for someone else. Because I think for someone, everything you just shared is going to be perfect. But then there's going to be those other people that still need help. And I'm like, what would be a way they could almost do this with that same kind of idea?

Yeah, no, I like that a lot. I like that. I would say using that same framework, which is great. I would say maybe at the end of the day, write a little bit about what gave you energy. What was it that you did that day that made you, wow, elated or energized? What is it that you feel proud of too? Like, I feel so proud that my refrigerator is squeaky clean or that I meal prep for the entire week. It could be so many small things. But when you start sort of scaling that, it becomes a huge business. And so some people may dismiss it as in, like, well, it's just such a small thing polishing my silverware. How. What kind of a business is that? We don't know how that can scale and we don't know how much, how many people need what you have to offer you. We tend to feel so isolated and we tend to feel the world that is around us is just it and what we need to remember is that we live in the world and on the earth with billions of people all around many countries. And when we think, well, my neighbors don't like it. Look beyond those barriers. Open yourself up to the possibility that what you have to offer can be appreciated and you can actually make money out of that from people, not just in your little community, but in the world. Like open yourself up.

This is great. So my example was business. But let's go deeper because I'm excited about this idea, the thing being a business or it could be running a marathon or it could be hiking the Pacific Coast Trail or starting a non profit that you've always wanted to start or even just joining a volunteer group, getting a relationship. And so the thing could be anything, right? And so I sometimes I love the idea of the end of the day, but I'm thinking of like do the thing language with flexing the muscle of getting into the habit. And I'm almost just wondering if they almost do a time study just even for just two days, like what do you think would be good for that? Where when you wake up it's, you know. Oh, I just talked to a friend of mine who I gave advice to. Actually a friend of mine texted me the other day asking for employee advice. She wanted to hire a new employee and had some questions. And I didn't even put that down on one of the things that I'm good at. Right. And even though that's such a normal thing that I should know that I'm good at cause I had that staffing company, it's so normal and natural to me to give that advice that I don't even look at it as like good, you know, and so like, like. Cause I, and so when I started to notice that, oh like people are asking me about this and so anyway, I'm just wondering like what if they almost do that like time study. That's a great idea.

No, that's a great idea. Because what you think is normal is so not normal for so many people. I love the tracking during the day. I like that. Tracking what you do for people, that seems normal, that seems effortless. Noticing that seems so easy for me to do.

Yeah. And then what about even just what you're doing for yourself? So what let's give them an idea of like if they were going to do a time study of this, what would they do it on? So they wake up in the morning and I'm thinking like, let's expand outside of business. We're just trying to think of, like, what lights them up. Right. And what gives them energy. So they're waking up in the morning and just what they're noticing as soon as they feel. And again, you guys, it's just two days, like, or one day. I don't know what it is yet. Whatever that day is.

It's. It's.

It's like. It's not like a fact that it has to be a certain amount of time, but I think it would be a good study for yourself. As the new thing I've been using is using myself as a science experiment when I do different challenges because I like to see how I respond to certain things. And so if you almost like, look at yourself like a science experiment, but that idea. When would they actually write it down? As soon as they feel happier. They just got a bunch of energy. Right. Whether they gave a friend advice or they just rode their bike or they cleaned up trash. Maybe they did the dishes or they just cooked a really big meal or like they kept a meal. You know, almost like those are the things they would write down. Right?

Yeah. The. The tricky thing is carrying around a piece of paper. But I guess you do have your phone. So you can just grab your phone real quick and put a little note on your phone right after that, that event. Or you can record it to whichever. Whatever is easier. You know, I was just thinking at the end of the day, just because it's sort of like a time for reflection and you can look over your day, but you're right, because there are certain things that are so normal, we sometimes overlook what we're doing. Like, if I remember. If you try to remember. What did I do this morning? Sometimes it's just. It just goes so. You're just so oblivious of the things that you normally do. I love the idea of paying attention of what you're doing because that's mindfulness. That's the practice of mindfulness. Everything that you're doing, you're doing it with an intention. Everything that you are approaching, you're intentionally observing that. And just that. Just that practice is.

I didn't actually think about that. Yeah. Being good practice for mindfulness. That's actually a really good. A really good point for sure. Okay, so now they have their list. Now, now what?

So they have the list of the things that give them energy. And then the next thing is try. Try things out and see what the resistance is. Notice the resistance. Notice if it flows or not. Now there is the. Like I said before, there are two types of resistance. There is the one that is like, I'm afraid. I've never done it. I don't believe in it, whatever. And that's when you challenge yourself. That's where, where, Stacy, challenges come, where you push yourself beyond your comfort zone and you try those things that you've been afraid to do, that you've been afraid to try. If there is that resistance where, where you keep trying and trying and trying and things are not flowing, then don't give up. Don't say, oh, see, I'm not good at anything. Just try something else. Because you never know. It might be a. Like, for example, you may say, I try to run a marathon, but I just keep getting cramps, or I just keep that at all. See if you can. If you can move past that resistance and find ways to educate yourself and see if that works. Now let's say that you're like, yeah, I've done this and this and that, and I just can't make it happen. Don't throw the towel. Just try something else. Or try a variation of that. Maybe it's not a marathon. Maybe it is cycling or swimming or something else that gives you that feeling. This is why in the first part I talked about the feeling, because it is the feeling what's going to guide you. You may think, I really want to feel of purpose, elated, free. I want to feel that way, or I want to feel. I want to feel the love for my community. I want to feel that connection to all. So if you tap into that emotion first, then you can recognize what's lighting you up and what's not, what's matching that feeling or not. So if you say, well, I don't necessarily have to run a marathon, the feeling I want, I can get it from bicycle or swimming or whatever, cooking competition. I don't know, I'm making stuff up. But notice what is the feeling that you really want to experience? That is the main thing if you want to start a nonprofit, if you ever thought about that. Why? Why do you want to start a nonprofit? What is that? Why? Why is that driving you and so tap into that emotion. Well, I. I want to contribute to this world. I feel so abundant, and I just want to be a part of that flow and da, da, da. And so it may not be a nonprofit. It may be you start a clothing company that donates everything for climate control or. So focus more on the feeling rather than the object or the. The goal. So then life can present to you the different options that exist. There's so many options, so many Options. And so let. Let yourself be guided. Makes sense.

I feel so honored just to have you, like, be able to do this, because I know we've had personal conversations about things that this exact thing, right when I was going through my identity crisis after I exited my business, and I was trying to figure out what direction I wanted to go in. And then I remember starting the podcast and not even really planning on it being a thing. It was more just going to be something that I did to use to write the book and have these things as recorded. And then I decided to publish it after I had 10 episodes. And so. But what changed for me, the moment that everything changed, and I didn't even realize it until I think this month, which is, what, eight months after this happened. I didn't realize it at the time, but do you remember, like, three weeks in, I had gotten asked to be an expert to. For people on starting podcasts, and I hadn't even published my podcast yet. And there was something about me being three weeks ahead of the people and her calling me and, like, this girl was running a challenge. It was a cohort is what it was called. And it was 70 people that were starting a podcast, and she had me be the expert. And there was something about, number one, me being an expert at something, even though I had only done it three weeks, but I was three weeks ahead of the people just starting. And then there was also something about that fulfillment I got from helping people again. And I don't know if you remember, but we recorded an episode right after that where I was deciding my next step if I wanted to get on social media and things like that. And that was when it came out that I really missed that fulfillment of helping people. And so that was the moment that I think it started. And I don't remember. I didn't know it at the time. I know it now. Like, that was the moment that everything started, like, lighting up and connecting, because then everything sort of moved there. And I think I'm mentioning that because you just don't know what it's going to be. And then you might not know in the moment that that was the thing that, like, changes it for you. Really cool to look back. And this is part of how we've been working together. That's how it's helped me kind of find that. Because when I work with you, you give me this time to reflect and think and process and really get me to hone in on. On what it is that I'm wanting to do. And just the fact that you're doing this episode for people to listen to is just so cool.

It is so true. When you are following something just because you love it, just because you want to be of service or whatever that emotion is, then it shows up nowhere. Four years ago, three years ago, a year ago, if anyone would have told you, stacy, you're going to have a successful podcast, you would have been like, I don't think so. Or if someone would have said, you're going to be on stage, you would have been like, well, maybe, I don't know, maybe training people. And because you followed your love and your passion, you let your. You let life guide you. And then just connection started happening. Without your intervention, without your effort, it was just happening. I remember you saying one time, I am in such a flow. And I was, yes. That's so amazing. Love that. I love that. And so when you start thinking, I have to find my thing, I have to find my thing, you're mudding the water. Just focus on just still in your mind and doing what you love. Just let life show you that gold ring.

And so what you're saying is, because a lot of people get paralyzed what their thing is. So you're just saying when you focus on the feeling, then you sort of move in, like, a direction. And then it could be a really small, small, small step going after that direction, that feeling. But even the teeniest step could be the thing that you need to reach that ultimate thing.

Yeah. And there's one more thing that is really important that I overlooked for a second is say yes. Say yes to opportunities that come to you. Once you have established, this is how I want to feel, okay, universe, life, God, whatever, this is how I want to feel, then opportunities are going to show up to you and you are going to say yes. So, for example, Natalie set an intention, and she didn't know what it was, and she said yes to the opportunity to host the book club. Was she afraid? Yes. What? But did she do it? Yes. She threw herself in. And the opportunities are going to come to you. You're going to do them anyway. Even if you're afraid you're going to take, you're going to say yes to those opportunities that are presented to you. When you are aligned, things are going to show up at your door. And so, yes, say yes to those without expectations, without saying, like, am I going to be a book club person for the rest of my life? Don't stress about that. Just do that. Just that. And let the universe guide the next step and the next step. And the next step.

So this is perfectly time because. So a year ago, when I was starting to write the book, I asked myself the question, what would be the thing that would be most terrifying for me? Because through having a duplicate book called do the Thing, I wanted to be able to kind of walk through that because I would be doing the thing right, is doing the thing that's most terrifying. But that seems like it would be cool to do. I had said stand up comedy at the time, it was the most terrifying thing that I could have ever thought of. And I pocketed it away because I was too scared to do it. I was, no, I'm not going to tell anyone. Then I even thought of this thing. So I just like, pocketed away. And then I had interviewed some. Someone on the podcast, I think it was like a month ago, who said how much he'd stand up comedy. And through this. I want to backtrack a minute. Probably two months ago. Now, keep in mind, for those of you kind of just tuning in, I haven't really done public speaking. I was. I owned a business, but I only, like, spoke to my employees. When I would get asked to go outside, like to associations or other events, I would always say no. And then I actually had people that worked for me that were really good speakers. So I would. I would have them go. And I really did go for those opportunities because I was only comfortable in my own safe environment. And so through the podcast, I sort of have been speaking into this microphone, right? And sometimes not even a microphone, sometimes just my computer. And anyway, I've been flexing the muscle that way. And then what happened was I started the dating, the do the Thing dating dare challenge, and I had to do Facebook lives, which originally terrified me, and I. And I said I wasn't going to do them. And then I decided I got so caught up in the community, I started to do them. So there was like one step. Then all of a sudden, I realized what I really wanted to do because I uncovered the do the Thing formula. And I was, oh, man, it would be really cool to help people coming out of prison again, because when I had my company, I helped people who came out of prison get jobs. And so I said I would. I really would like to do that through teaching them this do the Thing formula. And then I said, well, I'm going to have to go speak to these transitional housing men. And I needed to get more comfortable. And that's when I joined Toastmasters. And then I get a little obsessive. So not only did I join one Toastmasters.

I joined you.

Sometimes I can't go to both and like both in a week. So I get to alternate and, and then from there, that's when a friend of mine emailed me about this comedy workshop. And so the funny thing is I said yes, I paid. It was a couple hundred bucks I paid for it. And it's this five week class. And then I don't know if you remember, Nancy, but that day or the day before, I was having a hard time with something and I just was so depleted. Do you remember this?

Yep, yep.

And, oh yeah. And I was like, I don't know if I even want to go to this comedy class. It's going to burn so much energy because it's going to be so outside my comfort zone. And then you asked, what did you ask me? I remember because my friends were the reason why I ended up going. We kind of talked through it and the reason why I ended up going because my friends were going to be there too. And I was, oh, the energy, the energy suck. That the comedy class is going to be, is going to be so great. But we decided I should go because my friends were going to be there and that was going to be a counteracting of the energy drain. Do you remember that?

Yes.

Yeah. And so, yeah, so we talked through and then I was, okay, I'll go. And then anyway, I just completed that five week thing and I just did the stand up routine yesterday. And it just felt so good to know how I didn't even have this in my mind recently. It was something I thought of a year ago that would terrify me. And because I've done all these little things without even really realizing it leading up to this comedy thing, I wasn't even really that nervous. I was already feeling just comfortable doing it because it just felt so aligned with where I'm at.

Interesting thing was that you felt inspired to sign up even though you were afraid. And that was like a big thing that was terrifying for you to do. But you said yes to that. When, when your energy was depleted, when the water was muddy and you were feeling off, then you started doubting that. Yes, you started doubting the inspiration. But I love what you did, which is like you focused on, okay, what's really going to give me energy and also what's going to sort of take me away from my stress, what's going to calm that water and for you was I need these people around me. I need this energy to calm me down and to bring me shift it for me, the shift in energies I think is like crucial. That's why I'm saying like change the state first, calm that mind. And you did it. And oh my God, you're like, this is fun. You're. It's, it's. In comedy, it's really fun to make fun of yourself because it actually disarm you. It makes you stronger, makes you feel you can conquer everything because you've criticized yourself and laughed about it so much. That's actually a neuro linguistic programming strategy where you shift the attachment, the emotional attachment to a belief and you shift it into something funny. You laugh at yourself. And so it takes a charge off of that and it makes it less detrimental to your brain, to your mind. So awesome.

I got so much out of that class because it even got me to realize even my do the thing story even more. So one of the things. So the whole theme of the, of my skit is that I suck at everything. And so if I suck, which is not true, but I will pretty much like I go through this whole skit of how I interrogate when I play tennis. I was bad and then this not anyway go through this whole like sucking thing and then maybe you should just suck. The more you suck, the more you get, right? Most people have that perfectionist mindset. So if you actually go after, go towards the suck, you're going to get the things that you want, right? Because you're not going to be afraid to suck because that's what most people do. But the really cool thing is I suck at directions. Now this is a total fact. Like my GPS is always on. My daughter actually makes me turn it off sometimes because she wants my brain to work. But I realized something so powerful about me being bad at directions. And the gift that has been for me is because I always know where I'm going, always know I'm going to get there eventually. I just don't know how I'm getting there. And so anyway, I encourage people. I encourage people in the skit just saying like, what if we all did life like I do directions? And so I did. And then I did a funny thing at the end where I'm. So if you see me at the end of this class or at the end of the show looking for my car, you know, or you know, I'm just looking for my car.

Anyway, it was cool.

I was able to connect the dots on something that I didn't even understand what the benefit of me sucking at something was. Do you know what I mean? It was so Cool.

You have to do. You have to let us see the skit, please, because it sounds funny already. Yeah. Thank you.

So my point of this is, I'm.

Not saying you guys have to do.

Stand up comedy, but what I am saying is what Dr. Nancy saying is so true. And this is how I've been able to do my stuff. As we have these, I do, like sometimes I do emergency calls with her, other times we have scheduled, then you help me get into my state. But this episode is also a way for you guys to see how to do it as well. And so that is my, really, that's the gift, I think, because then you're able to, like you said, slow your mind enough so then you can see your path of where you're going. And don't be afraid to take the smallest step. Even just calling someone that does the thing that you want to do or that has done that thing in the past, like take the smallest step, go in a direction. Because to me, do the thing. It's not just one thing going in, but doing everything that you want eventually and learning that muscle, flexing that muscle of going after whatever it is.

Yeah. So many people want to help and people don't ask for help. It's crazy to me. Like, I remember one time, I can't remember exactly the, the situation, but I was open to give someone something for free and all they had to do was say like, hey, would you be willing to do this for free? And I would have said yes immediately, but they closed themselves up immediately, Immediately they said, they said forget it and they shut themselves off. So right away because they feel undeserving or whatever their reasons were that they, they could have had my help for free and they didn't take it. Their ego or insecurities, I don't know, or, or I don't know what it was. But what I'm saying, what I'm trying to say though is that you may think like, well, I want to do this big old thing, but I don't know how to do it. Reach out to someone and I promise you, you will get help. People that are, have been doing the things, when someone asks, hey, how did you do it? They will be so happy. I have had so many people, so many students say, can I ask your question about a career path or psychology or even holistic or spirituality or intuition? Yes, please. Yes, I'll be very happy to answer those questions. So, yeah, reach out, reach out to people. Ask, ask mentors, you know, to help you out.

And then you could Even listen to. Even listening to a podcast or a book, like. Or reading a book.

That.

The direction. So just if you're getting stuck or you're getting that analysis paralysis, find and. And add to this if you find. Because this is basically what you said, but find that feeling of what that thing is you want to do or what you're. What feels the best for you and the most alive when you're doing it or giving it. And then if you can't go from A to Z yet, just go take a, like, the smallest step. And that way you're at least you're moving and you have the momentum towards whatever it is that you want.

Yeah. Start small and test it out and see. Yeah. For sure.

Yes. So it's funny you should say that. Resistance. I'm doing the do the Thing, Start a podcast challenge January 23rd, and when I. I'm sort of. There's some people that are like, hell, yeah, I cannot wait. Because they've been in that perfectionist mindset and they've been wanting to start a podcast. But then there's other people that have never even, like, considered it, that are. That have a lot of resistance, but that aren't even, like, open to hearing why I think it's good for them. And so it's really cool because some people that I'm close to, I'm forcing.

Them.

And it's so cool because it's exactly what I knew what would happen is these amazing things are coming out of it. Even this Atira. I'll share her video later. She's one of the brains behind Challenge Makers, which is the company that's doing my challenges. She was originally resistant, and then she even says it in the episode. She did her first episode yesterday, and Stacy's been harassing me, so I'm doing this, and she's happy about it. And hers is so cool because it's all. It's. It's about doing all these things, right? Like, she has so many interests that she does them all. So she wants to interview people that do, like, different hobbies and different things and. And be able to. And even. It's so cool in the first episode, she's making jewelry as she's talking, which I think is the perfect thing for that idea, because it's so many things. And so my thoughts are watching it. It's like there's so many. I'm thinking of teenagers or even cl. College kids or who knows who. It could be more. Even more than that, that people are like, what do you want to do with your life?

I don't know. Right.

Because everyone thinks the way that our culture is designed is we're like teaching these kids that they can only do this one thing. Right. Like, what do you want to do when you grow up? You know, I feel like it's so restrictive. I love if someone found her podcast and they're wait, so I don't have to just do one thing, I could do everything and then decide what feels good. Great. And so it just, it's cool to know that this was inspired by me harassing her.

I love that. I love that. Yeah, it's. You pushed her growth edge, which is awesome. Awesome. And there's two, two things I wanted to say to that. The first one is you're right. The old ways of thinking is you have to do things. You have to, to choose something and be stuck with that for the rest of your life. When in reality you can be a multi talented person that can do many things, not just one. So you don't have to be, you don't have to feel like you have to pick just one thing to do. You can do many things. Like for example, Stacy actually encouraged me to do a podcast and I started a podcast with my daughter. So it's a mother daughter podcast. And then I also teach psychology at the university. And then I coach holistic coaching for entrepreneurs. And then now I'm launching an eight week course for male entrepreneurs for love life. And so you don't have to be stuck on doing just one thing. You can do many things at the same time and do them all. Great. The, I think the point that we have to focus on is what you are who you are, it's not what you do is who you are. So for me, everything is in alignment. It is psychology and it's spirituality. That's who I am. The bridge between psychology and spirituality. And so that comes in conversations with my daughter, that comes in, in teaching, that comes in my coaching, that comes in programs. So notice how that is what permeates. Maybe creativity is who you are, you know, or the energy that you love experiencing. And then the other thing for resisting, resisting the growth edge, sometimes it's about timing. And perhaps you, you hear once, you hear it twice, and you don't act on it. You hear it three times, maybe, and maybe it's until the fifth time that you decide, okay, all right, fine, I'm going to do it. And I'm speaking for personal experience because it's when podcasts first came out, I wanted to do one. I'M a geek. Anything that comes out new, I'm doing it. Like, I'm already. I already designed something on the chat GPS because I love technology and I want to be the first one to have everything. But I didn't act on that because the inspiration wasn't there. And it wasn't until much later that, okay, podcast is here. I start a podcast with my daughter. So there are times when the timing is not the right timing, and so you give a little bit of grace to yourself. But there are other times when it is your fear that's blocking that it is your fear or your limitations or feeling that you're not enough or whatever.

I'm wondering too, and I wasn't expecting to go on the podcast side, but I think we'll stay here for a minute because for people that are looking for what their thing is, I do think joining this challenge would be a great thing to explore that whether you publish it or not. And this reminds me of another person I forced to start one, and she. I won't say who she is because she doesn't know if she'll publish it yet. So we're keeping it into the privacy of the group. But her father was killed when she was a teenager, and it's just something she's lived with her life, right. And gone through that traumatic. And I remember just even I won't give the details, but basically when she was younger, she even had to go from house to house until she was 18, pretty much. And so her. When I originally told her she had because she's close to me. So I'm like, okay, you have to start a podcast. She was going to do a business one because she's an incredible business person in terms of helping businesses scale and fix things and all this stuff. So she was thinking of, oh, maybe I'll do it on strategy. And then all of a sudden one morning she texted me and said, okay, I think I'm going to do it on something really sensitive. Can we talk about it? And anyway, her podcast is going to be on survivors of violent crimes. And I'm just the brevity of that. And then imagine somebody hearing that if she does end up publishing it, and regardless if she publishes it, just the exercise for herself will be so powerful. But then if she does end up publishing and people hear it, like, imagine being a survivor of violent current crime, especially at the beginning of it, maybe, who knows, maybe even at the end of it and just seeing you're not alone hearing. And I've done that before, like I've heard something at the right time, in the right moment, and it's shifted everything for me. And so my question on this is for the people that I can't force because I don't know them that well, or they're just in my community and they're resistant, what is the. Is there anything that can help them shift to even. Just like Adam said in the expert panel, just like a roller coaster, like, do it once. If you don't like it, then you don't have to do it again. What's the way to get them to deliver without harassing people that are. I don't know.

Yeah.

Because I'm finding myself being slightly harassing.

Yeah. No, I love that. What happens, though, is the lack of knowledge that intimidates people. Building or starting a podcast is actually you go to your friend's house and you interview them, or you go to your friend's house and have a conversation, or you call someone and say, like, hey, can I ask you a question? It's the same thing. The only difference is that you're going to let other people listen to your conversations. But it's the same thing. If you're already talking to people and you're having conversations with people, you're doing it already. I think that podcasts are such a great venue to finding the thing because you can actually, I think one of the guests in the your last panel podcast was mentioned in this. He started doing a podcast to just find out how to do certain things. He was like, I'm curious. I don't know how to do this. Let me interview people that know how to do it. And so maybe that's how you do it. You, you started as a curiosity. You started as like, I'm just going to interview people. You don't have to publish it. You can just do it for yourself. And if you don't want to call it a podcast, if you want to call it conversations, whatever you want to call it, it doesn't matter. I think the most important thing is that you fight the feeling of being intimidated by it and conquer it for some people might be like, yeah, no, I'm not into podcast. I would just revisit what that is. Is it that you're not into podcast podcast, or is it that you're more visual person? Are you more of a written form type of person, or are you intimidated by it? Do you not know enough? Are you not a technology person? I would really explore what is the blockage from that keeps you from really getting yourself out there? And so if you say, well, I'm not auditory, I'm more of a visual person, then start a blog. Something. Just start something.

It's even making me think. I have some friends that are really successful business owners. They have their own podcasts for business already and they're just gonna. They're going to join the challenge for the personal growth side. They're going to start, like a personal one just to kind of get jump off, be able to be part of that, that journey too. Yeah.

And there's so many connections you can make, so many avenues, so many opportunities that can come up from a podcast. You're missing out, honestly. So many opportunities that can come to you from starting a podcast.

Well, yeah, and for me, it's even. I've said this before, but for those of you that haven't heard before, but like, the. It gives me motivation. Just if I'm feeling lazy, you know, like, I get motivated, go do something, and then I.

And it holds you accountable too.

It totally does. Oh, yeah. Even when I did 75 hard, I announced I was doing it on the podcast, so then I really couldn't back down. And it's almost Natalie doing that book club. It was. That was the thing that held her accountable to read the book. I think it's good for that. So you could say that pretty much doing a podcast or a blog or whatever it is they decide to do is another step to, like, going in the direction of them being able to do the things that they want.

Yeah, it's. It's a way of committing to something and, and seeing it through because your energy is going to fluctuate and you're not going to feel like doing that, that you feel inspired to do. But if you have a strategy or if you have something that holds you accountable, I think that that keeps the momentum going. Knowing that other people are going to listen to your podcast gives you a sense of responsibility to those people and a commitment to don't give up. Other people benefit from what you have to offer. So don't give up. Keep going. This is amazing. I love your podcast. Thank you.

Like, we all have this, like, safety zone in life.

Right?

Like, I'm comfortable and I do this and it's the same thing. It's the same old, same old routine. Right. And it's so safe, safe, and it's so comfy there. But then there's that desire. Want more and to feel alive and to want more adventure because we are all going to die at some point. Not to get so, so, so depressing right now, but we're not invincible. And we do just get this one life. And so being able to get out of that safety zone, to be able to move towards that other part, those other parts that we want to feel more alive. And so when someone's stuck, they're in that safety and they're like, it's so comfy here and cozy. Let's help that person. What's that number one thing that could just help them like move.

The one thing I would say is commit to doing one thing. So it could be, okay, well, today I'm going to eat broccoli. And you. And it could be just that could be, I'm going to eat broccoli. So you commit to that day eating broccoli. And when you eat the broccoli, it's like, I did it, I did it. And. And it could be just that. I think that what we're looking for is a sense of control that we can control our lives. And when we are feeling in this safety and in this comfortable place is because it feels like we are under control, which is a fallacies and illusion. We're not controlling anything really. Tell me something that you can really control. So the only thing that you can really control is your emotions, how you feel, and that sometimes is not even possible. So look for little things that give you a sense of, I'm able to decide this for myself, I'm able to control this and I can control what I do with my life. So I can control when I take a shower or if I take a shower. And that is under my control. So when you start noticing that you can. You are the creator of your reality, then you start exploring a little bit more of how you can create different realities for yourself. So that will be like the minuscule step that you can take towards that.

I am in love with that advice because it's. You're learning, you're building that muscle of being able to follow through on the things that you tell yourself. And then as you're doing this little thing, then all of a sudden then you'll do another thing and then another thing and you keep building that muscle and then it grows into eventually where the float. That's where the flow comes.

Yes, exactly. Exactly. It's a tiny little step at a time.

So good. Please tell the listeners where they can find you. For those, for those people that want to learn more.

Oh, I'll be honest, I'm not on social media a lot. I don't, I post, but it's not like I should do better, but I don't want to. It's not my priority. But you can. You can go on social media, Google my name, Nancy Theandrade, or My handle is Dr. Nancy Theandrade. I'm on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter, any, anything. You'll find me everywhere.

So good. Thank you so much for doing this with me. I cannot wait to listen to it again and take all the good nuggets that you shared.

Me too. I'm gonna listen to it again and take notes as well. I love it. Thank you. Thank you for having me, Stacey. It's always awesome to talk to you.

Thanks for listening to the do the Thing podcast. We hope you enjoyed the show. But even more, we hope you'll be inspired to do the Thing. Do you have a burning question on Doing the Thing that you'd like answered? How about an inspiring do the Thing story of your own that you'd like to share? We'd love to hear all about it. Just leave us a voice message at do the Thing callcast co, or email us@helloothethingpodcast.com.