Stacey Lauren argues that the single most important missing piece to achieving goals is belonging to a group of people who share that same goal — what she calls “my people.” Drawing on 25 years of interviews across cities and experiments where she formed groups (including thousands of participants and micro-commitment challenges), she shows that shared-goal communities provide support, accountability, motivation, reduced self-doubt, and friendship. Short stories (Lala singing her bucket-list items, Vicky launching 100+ podcast episodes, Paul improving public speaking) illustrate the effect. Her actionable challenge: whenever you set a new goal, find or create a group of people pursuing the same objective.
Chapters
Foreign. I have a secret. It's going to help you achieve all of your goals and dreams. I've spent the last 25 years seeing the patterns of what keeps people stuck. And I've interviewed thousands of people all over the world and I asked them, how did you achieve your goal? I asked this question in Paris and London, Rome and New York and even here in San Diego. I wanted to connect with people to see how they overcame their struggles and achieve success. I got to ask people on my podcast, in my community, and I even stopped strangers on the street. You could say I got a little obsessive for a while. And that's how I found the secret. I noticed the one common thread that each person had as part of their success formula, the missing piece to achieving your goals and your dreams. And here's the secret. When they achieved their goal, they were in a group with people who shared that same goal. This is what I call my people. So who are my people? It's a group of diverse individuals who have the same goal that you do. They provide you with support, accountability and motivation so that you can achieve what you want to accomplish. This helps you silence those limiting thoughts and the mental chatter because you're no longer alone in your experience. And as an added bonus, you're getting built in friends. I put this theory to the test. I was curious, if I put people in a group with a common objective, would that lead to their success? So I formed multiple groups with thousands of people and I did fun challenges. I dared them to do micro commitments around a common goal. People got shocking results every single time. One of my community members, Lala, joined people who wanted to do their bucket list. One of the items on her list was to sing around the world through the connection in the community and her seeing other people share their bucket list dreams, she got the courage to do it. Now she's singing in Spain and she's going to Morocco next or Vicky. She joined my community when she wanted to start a podcast. Her journey, it was tough. She battled with perfectionism, self doubt and a fear of technology. But when she saw other people just like her with similar struggles also wanting to start podcasts, she got the push that she needed. Now she's published over a hundred podcast episodes. And. And that's the secret. You can tap into the power of my people just like they did. Now you may be thinking, my friends and family are my people. I don't need to join a group. Let me show you how this works. Imagine that you have a goal like, let's Say you want to become an author. So here's you wanting to write a book, and this is your current network of people, your friends, your family and your current support system. And you tell them about your plan. You're excited and you're expecting them to get excited, But because none of them have ever had this goal of writing a book in their life, they may say things like, why would you want to do that? That's going to be hard, that will take you forever. They mean well, but they don't want to see you fail, they want to protect you. You feel misunderstood and you start wondering if this is something you want to do. Or you could have people wanting to support you, but they just have no idea how to help. That can only take you so far. You may decide you want to hire a coach or a mentor or a therapist, and that's good, but it's just not enough on its own. This is where so many people end up stuck for years, thinking they have to do it alone. And they end up on their deathbed wondering, why didn't I achieve my dreams? I believe if they had just this one missing piece, they could have built their legacy and lived the life they were meant to live. When you have people who have the same interest as you and they're on the same journey, you get access to the mothership, The source of everything that you want to learn, and all of the people who are interested in it too. Some are further ahead than you and they want to help you out. Others are behind you and you get to help them. You may have experienced this before, whether it's in sports or school, club, a business forum, an employee resource group, or maybe even a stand up comedy class. Really, any setting where people are united with a common purpose. The camaraderie and mutual understanding and encouragement that we feel when we're in a space with people who are on the same path as us and they're going through similar things, it's priceless. But what we don't realize is as we leave those environments or as new goals arise, that support often fades. The truth is, finding my people isn't just a one time thing. It's something we need to do over and over again for the rest of our life. Like Paul, who joined a speaking club after his military service because he wanted to improve his public speaking. He wasn't afraid to fail or make mistakes because he was with other people that wanted to improve their speaking too. This gave him the confidence to practice and find his voice in a safe space. Now Paul's speaking in front of groups. And he even started a community where he gives people their own safe space to speak. When we talk about attaining our goals, we often think about having the right mindset, knowing our why and accountability. But the thing that we don't hear people saying is the secret, which is being with people that have a shared goal. And that is what my challenge is for you today. Every time you have a new goal, find a different group of people who share that same goal. If you think about it, it's not as hard as it may seem. We're all gathered here together. You are now my people. We are connected by this thing called TEDx. We support ideas that can change everything. If you're listening to this, you have shown that you can find your people, too. So I'm going to share three words that I love saying to my people all of the time. I dare you. I dare you. Go out and find your people, whether it's online or in person. It could be a class, an association, an event, a community. And if you can't find it, create it. You'll discover that as you find your people, networks grow and so do you, and so does your capacity to do the thing that you want to do. Thank you. That.
