Traditional vs Online Dating | With the Expert Dating Panel

I'm only going to date somebody that's 6 foot 4 or taller. And I'm only going to date somebody that has a master's degree or higher. And I'm only going to date somebody that, well, you're going to miss out on the really amazing, funny, smart guy who just so happens to be 5 foot 10.

Hey, everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacey Lauren. So, man, this is a cool day. I am so excited to be able to bring this episode to you guys because I've been talking about doing a dating challenge probably for the last month, because I don't know, if you're new to the podcast, you'll learn this for the first time, but I was originally writing a sales book, and then, because I love sales and I love the concept of being able to sell, because when you learn how to sell, you can do anything. You can open a business. You can really just feel comfortable trying anything new because you've already understood the concept of what you need to do to be able to present yourself and put yourself out there. And what changed the book from Sales to Do the Thing was when I started dating, I hadn't dated. I was married for 20 years and had not dated at all. And then I had to put myself out there after not dating since I was, like, in my early 20s and realized how much those principles that I learned during. During sales helped me dating because so many of my friends were getting stuck in that rejection cycle and the fear. And I realized just how much sales helped me through that. And so that's when I realized this book was so much more than sales. It was really doing the thing. And so hence, the dating challenge idea was sort of conceptualized. And then I saw this show. I had Covid. So it was funny. I don't watch much tv, but during COVID I was just binge watching tv. I watched this show, and they showed this. This dare. It was like truth or dare? But they just did the dares and they were doing crazy stuff like showing their boobs and, you know, like, their butt and, you know, kissing random guys and stuff. And I just all of a sudden was like, oh, my gosh, the lens of a dare will get people to feel comfortable and be able to just put themselves out there. And so anyway, I'm like, okay, if I could come up with, like, a dream panel of people that could help me explain how cool this would be to get people out of their comfort zones and be able to have conversations and, you know, really break through those Barriers that we limit ourselves with. Who would it be? And believe it or not, I just, I reached out to each of them and they said yes without me giving much context of what it is. I literally just said, I want to do this expert panel. It's a dating dare challenge. And they're like, I'm in, Stacey. And so here they are. I'm going to go ahead and just kind of give you guys a little brief overview of who they are, and then we're going to, we're going to get into it. Does that sound good?

Everyone sounds great.

Awesome. So, yeah. So I have Adam Weber. He is the one that created the podcast platform that I, that I do my podcast on. And he is the one that helped me overcome the fear that I had and the critical. I was so critical of myself in the beginning. And if you listen to his episode, he was my first interview episode. It was really good because he's able to explain how the lens, being in a lens of something, it helps you do things more, which I think is why I'm so excited about this dating challenge, because being in a lens of a challenge really can help you overcome those fears. And then the other reason he's here, besides him being an amazing person, is that he did a interview a day for 365 days on fear. And I'm like, oh my gosh, so you are perfect. And then I have Genesis here, who she is a certified erotic blueprint coach. And you have to check out her episode.

We had a really spicy conversation and she made drinking coffee fun and even standing in a grocery line just pleasurable. So she is here so that my prudeness doesn't overshadow this episode, because I want to have some spice. I want to have some dare. I want to have some, like, go out there because I do have this really big prude side and I wanted to make sure she was here to get us all out of that side because it's like, listen, it's so cool to know that there's more out there for all of us. So. And then I have Dr. Nancy D'. Andrade. I've been working with her for a couple of years, and she's here to help us all with our emotional wellbeing and make sure we're putting the right energy out there. Because if you're not putting the right energy out and you're, you're like being self critical or saying you're not good enough, you're not going to attract the people that you want to attract. And so she's going to be here to, to talk about that and I'm sure so much more. And then Kate Middleton, she's a somatic therapist and authentic relating facilitator and she is like, we just, we just met, I think like a few months ago.

Yeah. And she's been amazing. So she's going to basically help you connect beyond the superficial. And then I have Ted, who, who is basically a health researcher and helped, actually I have been doing like his. He does this amazing vitamin C flush that you do and it really gets your body in alignment to be able to get all the toxins and it gives you so much energy. So that's great. But also he did a lot of dating in his 30s and has so much experience and is a successful entrepreneur, businessman. And so by him learning these skills that he learned with dating, it's helped with both areas. So he'll talk about that. But oh, also you guys, he was there when I met my boyfriend for the first time and so I just kind of feel like it's serendipitous to have him here because he created this really cool space for us to be able to connect on a, on a deeper level. So. Hi, guys.

Hi, Stacy.

Hi. Thanks for having us.

Yeah. So doctor, I'm going to call you Dr. Nancy. Is that okay? I'm like, sure, okay.

Nancy's fine. Yeah.

Can you kick us off and just like tell us like what kind of mindset do you think they should have doing a challenge like this and you know, basically like that emotional well being side.

Yeah, yeah. You mentioned something about having the right energy and I want to explain sort of like the spiritual side, but also like the scientific side of energy, just so people know what I'm talking about. When, when you enter a room, you can pick up the energy of the room. You can feel if the energy is off or like, I don't know about this or if it's like really happy. In fact, the moment that I entered this room with you, I was just so happy. Your energy is so contagious and I, I love that. And so noticing how your energy can activate people, it's an important piece of how you're going to approach dating and going out there. A lot of the people have beliefs, limited beliefs that come from experiences or whatever, traumas or things like that say I'm not enough or who's going to like me? I'm too old, I'm too young, I'm too fat, I'm too skinny, I'm too whatever. And so they Approach dating from that place of insecurity. And if you see people on social media, you can read a mile away who's being inauthentic. And so the same thing with dating, you know, you can approach someone and know when they're being inauthentic, when they are sort of presenting themselves in a way that is. That is not resonating with their truth. And the thing to explore here, I would say, is what is your truth? Is your truth that you are not good enough or whatever, Is that really your truth? Is that what you really want to believe about yourself? So shifting the energy into more, instead of chasing, allowing. Allowing for the information to come to you, allowing for the universe to bring you the perfect, perfect, perfect person that you need. Maybe it's not the one that you want, but it's the one that you need. I think it is important. But when you are starting to reach out there and starting the challenge, I would say start saying yes to things. Trust the energy of flow. The energy of flow is not an energy of worry or anxiety. It's an energy of like, oh, you want me to drive about two hours to this place that I don't know anybody, because this party. Yeah, that sounds fun. Let's go. And you just go with that. You feel that flow and you let that flow just take you and let the universe just plant everything in front of you until you find that person that or people that you connect with, and then that you need for your evolution. I believe that every person that comes into your life is helping you evolve a little bit more. And sometimes there are painful evolutions, and sometimes it's very friendly evolutions. So if you can just approach it from that place of sort of letting go, letting the flow take you, I think that will be an important piece. When we are focusing on the lack, unfortunately, that's what we are going to attract, the lack. And it's so subtle, the way that lack presents itself. It's sort of like, I want a million dollars. I want the perfect partner. And when you really look at statements like that is saying, I want that because I don't have it. So where is the focus? The focus is in what I don't have. And so what are you really creating? What energy are you creating? I don't have, I don't have. I don't have. And so daring to do things is saying, I'm afraid. And I might have all these belief systems, but I'm still going to go and do whatever it takes and I'm going to surrender and Release attachments and you're going to even release the fact that you don't have anything because it's a game now, you know, it's not like a life saving decision. It's now is a game. So that helps lift up the energy and release attachments to what you don't have or what you desire. And into, into thinking of flow, thinking of, okay, how can I move with this without remembering that I need someone or I want someone or that I am alone, etc. So I don't know, I think that energy is really important in the flow as well. It's really important. Yeah.

And I think that's so cool because you're basically telling everyone to approach this from abundance.

Yes.

You know, which I mean, if we do that everything in our life, I mean, can you imagine?

Yes, I know, but it's so hard because those thoughts and belief systems are sneaky. They're so, you know, especially in the personal growth field, we were junkies of learning and experiencing and we forget to integrate a lot of that. We read tons of books, we do ayahuasca ceremonies and we explore so many things and we forget to integrate that into our lives. And then we blame whatever for not for not working on it. And I think that approaching it from the ease, because when you think of abundance, that might not bring you ease. For some people it does, for some people it doesn't. But approaching it from this sense of ease where you are taken care of, where everything is okay, where your body and your system is relaxed and you don't bring the stress of that search or that push, sort of connecting to your body, connected to your senses. Like, I'm so glad that you brought people that are so embodied in this place because when you connect to that, you are bringing the sense of it's okay, it's okay. No matter what, it's okay, I'm good, I'm happy, I'm safe, it's fine, I'm safe.

And when you're coming from that place, it's almost like when you're getting rejected or, you know, if someone's rejecting you, you're not taking it personally. Right. The other thing with this challenge that I want everyone to be able to learn is really how to flex their muscles to do things right. So this is going to be a way to build up confidence and handle rejection and communicate and really doing hard things, you know, being able to get outside your comfort zone. And then also I'm through the challenge. I'm testing the do the thing formula. So that's my secret.

My secret exciting thing that I'm excited about because I'm literally putting the door do the thing formula in the challenge. So I had found this rejection therapy challenge of this guy that did.

Like, I don't even remember. It was like a hundred days of rejection and every day he had a different challenge. And I love the idea of that. And I don't know exactly how this challenge is going to be set up yet, but I liked looking at it because it showed him basically when he did these things and he got rejected. Like he asked a. A guy at a. What was it like a fast food place for a burger refill, you know, or whatever it was, and it was like, you know, so what? The guy said no, basically, and it kind of got him to build the skills. So, Ted, I thought this would probably be good for you to talk about because I know you did a lot of these kinds of challenges and it helped you a lot in a lot of different ways.

Well, yeah, I mean, I guess you could say I did it in two different contexts in my life. So after I graduated university, I kind of went straight into like an old school sales position. You know, when I first started real estate with my previous business, I actually generated leads by going door to door and cold calling, which is kind of the most inefficient and terrible way to generate leads. Also, your positioning is really poor. You're chasing them instead of people, you know, raising their hand up and asking you to contact them like they would in direct response marketing. Having said that, you get used to rejection super fast. And that industry, door to door selling, that's been around for well over 100 years, so there's a long established.

Library of techniques to help. And so you get really used to rejection there. But in the other part of my life, um, you know, I grew up rural. I grew up on a farm in the Midwest. And you know, our driveway was a mile long, all dirt, 500 acres, no. No neighbors, no town, nothing. So I just wasn't used to being around people and there wasn't a lot of opportunity to interact with people. So, you know, when I relocated to California after university.

I just wasn't used to approaching girls or women. And I had no there there really, especially back then. You know, I'm 44 now, so this would have been in my very early 20s. There was not really any courses for, for guys to like, learn how to do that. And it's not like your friends have any good advice either, you know.

So it wasn't Until I think like my early 30s where I was like, man, this sucks. Like I'm not meeting anybody. Like, what do I do? Like, why can't I just approach them like I did for real estate? Like, I don't care about anything. So in that context. So I just approached it like I did improving myself in business or like personal development. I just like bought every book, every resource, every course I could find at the time, which there weren't many, and did them and did the challenges. And the cool thing to come out of that is I actually, you know, the social aspect was fun and I got some value out of that. But it actually improved my business an absolute ton because it just, I think ultimately if you look at a lot of the stuff that is taught to guys that's out there on the Internet or whatever, if you actually distill it down to it's like raw essence, at least the good stuff, it's, you know, provide, basically provide value. Like be an interesting person. And I'll never forget a situation I was in back then because like, I didn't even go out. I was always like a girlfriend guy. And then I was just working all the time anyway, like I was building a company and so I started going out more and we went to like, we went out in downtown San Diego and like, you know how like ludicrous it is in some of the clubs there. It's just wild. There's like lasers and people everywhere and it's just, it's nuts. And so what a most got guys do, they grab their beer and they stand against the wall and they kind of watch and they do this with their head. And I remember I went with a group of guys and all the guys were doing that. One guy goes, I'm bored. And I said, you're not. Or he said, this is boring about the situation. I said, this isn't boring. You're a boring person. Like the deeper meaning being like. And I had to learn how to do this myself, at least as far as meeting people in that context, which isn't the ideal context to meet anyone. But I just went out to have fun. And so I'd walk in there, I'd start high fiving people, having fun and just be like celebrating something. Even if it was just like a minor win you had with your work or something that day.

Yeah, and it's funny that you said that because now what I'm thinking of, gosh, if you're at a bachelorette party or a bachelor party, you're talking to everybody but if you're not in the context of something like that, where that energy is flowing, you know, it's like, oh, I can't talk to anyone. I'm like this shy person. And so that's the other thing I want this challenge to bring out, is like, how do we put them in that lens of. Of being able to create their own.

Be their own interesting person, you know, taking responsibility, too. I like that. Ownership.

Yeah, yeah, that's. That's actually a really good point. I think I'm only speaking like the context of men, because that's kind of what I know, but you nailed it. You have to take responsibility for your experience and kind of create that own experience and, like, go in there and have fun and don't be a boring person. Like, it's. If you look to be entertained, like the world's endlessly entertaining, and you can celebrate that, whatever the context is, you.

Know, I love that. All right, so, Adam, you're up. I'm scared.

How do I do this thing?

I love this. And piggybacking off both Nancy and Ted's comments that they said, one being.

You know, Nancy mentioned coming into this room and the energies in this room, and that even goes to the email that you sent out and kind of putting yourself around people who, you know, are positive, people who have good intentions, the best intentions, and want the best for you as well, and they're going to set up spaces that, you know, it's like, hey, this is an opportunity. Do you want to step into it? And, you know, for. For many of us, especially when it comes to new things that are putting ourselves out there, the. The answer, you know, can so easily be, no, I don't want to. I'll put up a wall. But you know, again, to what Nancy is saying about having time in your life and the ability to self reflect or to go inward and say, wait a minute, could this be a good opportunity for me? Could this be fun? To Ted's point, you know, can we make this fun? Can we make this an experience? Can we make that? What can we make it? What can we turn into it? What can we bring to it? Is such an important and valuable.

Lesson or skill set to sharpen, right? It's something we can work on. And the other thing that I was thinking about when. I'm sorry, is it Ted or Theo? Because I see Theo, I always get confused names.

Well, my real name is Theodore. Friends call me Ted. But if you run across any of this stuff in my business, it's Theo. So either one Goes, man, just use whatever.

Beautiful.

So, yeah, what. What Ted had me thinking about was, you know, in that bar, in that. You know, when you go in there.

How so many of us can be.

Different. Like, you could chalk yourself up, oh, I'm an introvert. And. And Ted, he. He has the. He. Look at him. He shines and he goes into the room and he's so confident and whatnot. But that was something like he sought out, right? And learned or read books or wanted to improve himself that way. So what he had me thinking about was even if we might identify as sometimes being very an introvert or that's not me. How fluid we all can be and how if we allow ourselves the opportunity or put ourselves around people, like what you're doing with this challenge, to give myself permission to experiment and be fluid and not feel like I always have to be one thing or rigid or this is me, and I'm going to box myself in here. But, you know, where can I find a space to practice that skill that Ted was talking about of going out and saying, you know what? I'm going to high five people. And what does that feel like? Does it feel okay for me? Does it feel. Can I embrace this and embody this? And can I have fun? You know, I love to use the other word of fun, right? Can I make this fun and bring fun to this and getting in that mindset? And you can, you know, you know, you can then go and say, you know what? That was great, but it exhausted me, so now I need to retreat and have some quieter time or be more of that introspective person and go back to. Go back to that. But you don't always, you know, I think the important thing here, and it's something that I, you know, like you mentioned, I'd spent that year really delving into a little more is, you know, what is fear? And how does fear limit us? How does it hold us back from expanding ourselves, living a greater life, living a bigger life and challenging us. Because so much. There's so much just on that other side of fear, and if we can find a space or an opportunity, kind of like what you're putting together with this dating thing, right? Where it's like, here's an opportunity to challenge yourself or push just a little past that fear, and you never know what you're going to find. And so much of the time, there's a great, like, your world opens up and gets a little bigger, a little more expansive. You meet new. And I find that happens so much when we are able to meet new people and meet wonderful people who are doing, you know, extraordinary things in their lives. And like, oh, have you. Have you tried this? You know, have you gone diving or have you gone surfing or have you gone on an adventure, Right. Whatever that might be to push. Oh, I've never done that. And I'm now, you know, the other key thing is I find the older we get in life, the more we hold on to things that we're comfortable with or already we already know, right? I don't want to look like a fool. I don't want to look like an idiot. And so the older we get, I think if we can find the opportunity to try something new and learn to get rid of caring if other people are laughing or, you know, I'm exposed as being the idiot, you know, so much of the time I relate it to. Because it was a recent one for me was surfing, right? Going into the ocean. Because the ocean will show you what an idiot you can be. It'll knock you over and make you look like a fool. And you have to go through all the steps to learn. Learn how to be graceful with the ocean and how to understand a wave and how not to. But everybody's standing there on the beach watching you, exposed and raw and what a silly person you can look like. But when you come to it and you're like, you know what? That's okay. I'm okay looking silly. And then you finally, like, each day learn something new and level up a little more to where you're actually gracefully being able to surf down a wave. It is the most amazing experience and feeling you'll ever have. And so the best things are always on the other side of that fear.

Kind of barrier to get out of your comfort zone and just face your fear and go for it. I think a lot of post Covid syndromes are that I've seen is I don't want to go out anymore. I'm comfortable here at home, and we stop challenging ourselves. That's what I've seen.

Yeah. You guys, this is so good. It's like exactly what I pictured with doing this. So thank you.

You are.

You're definitely bringing it. So the other thing I've noticed from the piece I post, so during when I had Covid, it was like, I posted, I was like, I got. Watched that show, you know, I got. I was like, oh, dating dare. That's what I'm doing. And then I posted, I'm in a peloton singles Group over 40 or something. And I posted it in that group, and immediately I think I got like 100 and 100 plus responses. And so I did a quick survey, and I think like 65 people already, like, filled it out. And one of the things. Well, there were several of the people that actually were. Had commented saying they. They couldn't do it physically. They just couldn't get themselves outside of the comfort zone, you know, and those are the people I eventually want to go back to because, I mean, gosh, could you imagine if you could get them to overcome that. That fear and. And just showing them that nothing's going to change if you try this and you try to talk to someone? As long as you don't take it personally, you know, nothing changes from the point of that.

No.

You know, and so. So that's exciting to me. And then the other thing that I saw was a big thing is people were like, well, what am I supposed to say to people? So I thought we could just kind of go around the. We'll call it a room. Because I feel like we're in a room. We're in a zoom room. So we're good. Yeah. Just maybe talk about, like, what would be some good ways to just kind of approach someone. Because I think that's the other problem. You know, people don't even know what to say. And I was talking to someone the other day, and she's like, she just goes to the bar. And again, I'm not saying you should go to a bar, because if you don't like going to bars, don't go to a bar, because you don't want to meet someone that's going to bars. You want to go wherever the people are that you want to be doing. Whatever you want to be doing is where you want to go. So whether it's hiking, biking. But anyway, she goes up to people at a bar and she's like, hey, bar friend, what's up? And that's just a way to start the conversation. So, yeah, let's kind of. Let's go there.

Before we go there. I was thinking about, like, preparing themselves to go out.

Yes. Yeah, perfect.

Let's do it. Okay.

So one of the things that I think is critically important and it really speaks to what the others have been talking about, is really coming in that confident, cool, collective mindset. And one of the best ways I found to really fill yourself up is to take time for pleasure. And so, I mean, yes, of course there's, you know, long that thing, right? Guys, they, you know, get one taken care of. Before you go out on the date. Well, no, like really take some time. Really take some time to drop in with yourself and find pleasure in yourself. Find joy in yourself. And it might be something that you know involves caressing your body, you know, your thighs. It could be dancing around the living room naked after your shower, before your shower. It really could be taking some time in the mirror and really admiring the parts of yourself that you love. Like, I have amazing eyes. My eyes are really awesome. And I want to connect with somebody by looking into their eyes.

By taking some time in advance to going out there to really get juiced up, right? Do some nice deep breathing. Breathe through your pussy, breathe through your cock, breathe through your heart and really just get into your body and feel yourself expanding, right? Breathe deep and just expand yourself. Take up the space you deserve to take up.

Smile.

If you self pleasure, you've already got the smile on your face and people are going to be like, she's smiling. Wonder what she knows. Wonder what she's up to. And when you already know that you're enough, when you already know that you're your own best lover, when you already love yourself, that radiates. So whatever conversation you're starting, you are starting from the place of someone who they're going to be attracted to. They're attracted to your energy, they're attracted to your joy, they're attracted to the vibes you're sending out, which are, I'm pleasured, I'm happy, I'm confident, I can take care of myself, and I'm fun and I want to play. Do you want to play with me? Let's play. So that's probably where I would start. So regardless of the words that are going to come out of your mouth at whatever location you, you decide to go to, really dropping in and being present with yourself and being, you know, being okay with who you are is, is I think, a critical foundation.

Yeah, I totally agree with that. Stacy. I don't know if I cut you off. I'm sorry. Yeah, the, the. This, this reminds me, I have a lot of clients that say, well, I'm just a little. I'm too fat, I'm too this, I'm too whatever. And they start putting themselves down. So I totally agree with you. First, pumping yourself up. Because I used to work.

At a clinic and there were two women who were the exact same weight. They were both about 300 pounds, about 6ft tall. And one didn't believe in herself and the other one did. And the difference was just, just astounding. One was hiding in hoodies and was just wearing tons of makeup and just feeling ugly with herself. The other one was wearing a flower in her hair and a dress. And guess when which one got the attention. The one that was radiating from the inside out. It wasn't like, who was wearing what is what they felt inside. And that's so, so, so, so keen. I love that you mentioned that, because to me is when you are going out and you're wanting to meet people, you're already going with the wrong energy. I would say go because it's going to be enjoyable, because it's going to be fun. And let that take you. Let that be the step. When I think about, like, oh, where to meet people or whatever, I wouldn't do that at all. I would say, what can I do? Oh, my friend invited me to go this place. I'm going with you. I'm doing it too. It's not about, like, let me put on my list. Yep, I checked this place, I went this place. I search here. Where are the guys hanging out? Where are the girls hanging out? More of like, let the energy bring it to you and you be present and ready for that. Versus, like, no, I can't go there to meet the person that I'm supposed to meet because I'm busy here at the bar where I don't want to be, you know, trying to pick up people. Like, no, the universe wants to conspire for you and with you. So let the universe help you with this. That's my two cents.

I love that idea of just coming from that full place and not the desperate place. So, Kate, I know you have a lot to add to this one.

Yeah.

There are some themes I see emerging in this conversation and coming up around playfulness and permission and imperfection, which I think are all key to putting yourself out there in any way.

Then what you were mentioning before about how to even spark a conversation or how to approach someone, I think plays off of all of that and bringing in your own playfulness. And considering what would make this fun for me, how can I actually play with this interaction so that it's not some big thing of I need to get this from them or I need to show up in a certain way. But it's more like, oh, anything could happen.

I might crash and burn, and that's okay, too. And no matter what happens, I'm going to be okay. I'm going to still be with myself at the end of this conversation. And in all of this and the practices of experiencing rejection or Working with fear. I think this is such a huge piece of knowing that no matter what, you're still going to be with you. So no matter what happens afterwards and then the awkward feelings and the awkward silence or the rejection, it's okay. It's another experience. It can even be part of that fun or that play.

And there was, there was something, Ted, you were talking about, about boring and interesting and making the most of a situation. And there's this saying, and I can't remember by who, but it's something like, the more interested you are, the more interesting someone becomes. And I believe in that. If you're looking around and expecting someone to reveal themselves to you without you actually summoning it or encouraging it with your own curiosity and your own presence, then that's bringing in a lot of expectation. So I say get curious and let yourself get curious and ask the questions that you genuinely want to know. That's like my one number one rule is do not bother with questions you're not interested in. And if they are not okay for the other person, trust that they have a no and they'll let you know that. But go for what you want. And that's a huge piece that brings in owning your desires and showing up with them. And it takes some unraveling of perfectionism and pleasing and appeasing, which I think is ingrained in many of us from a young age. So I say that this, this challenge and dating or any, any place you do the thing and risk rejection is the perfect opportunity to untangle some of those, those internal ties. Yeah.

And I love that you guys are talking about this because it's, it's so important to not go with that person because I've heard people do this, oh, what is he. Or want, you know, from me? And it's not about that. Right. It's what do I want from this, you know, and asking questions that I want to know and coming from that place of like, you can pre screen whoever, whatever you want based on how you feel, it doesn't, you're not doing it for anyone else, you're doing it for yourself. And so, yeah, I love that, I love that this came up because I do think that's like really important to get across. So, so now we are curious and we're asking questions out of curiosity and what other suggestions do you guys have? So we're in our body, we're having pleasure, we're, gosh, I can't use the word genesis.

I can't do it.

We're breathing from our Pussy. Okay, there you go. I said it.

And so, you know, we're doing all this stuff. Okay, now, now here I am. Okay, now what?

Well, I have a question for the in your body people, because this is, I find really fascinating. I think those of us in the west, we live in our heads too much and we're not in our body. And a big part of my health journey was getting out of my head and putting myself back in my body. A lot of that was through neurofeedback and, you know, movement based practices and stuff like that, emotional therapy, things like that. But do you guys have any other suggestions to be put back in your body before you go out and interact with the world or even just do a zoom interview?

Breathing, I think, is probably the, the most direct route to really just slow yourself down and, and focus on your breath. I love movement. For me, getting some good music on and dancing it out is a really good way to just get, you know, super grounded.

Such a good reminder, especially for guys, because, you know, they're not as amenable to that usually, you know, but it makes, I mean, how good of a mood are you after you do that? You know, you're in a great mood.

Well, if you play a little air guitar, you know, you don't even have to dance, like, play a little air guitar, do a little, you know, lip sync, whatever, just to, just to loosen up your body. I mean, we carry so much tension and we don't breathe fully too, right? Most of us breathing these pretty shallow breaths. Well, when you take a really deep breath and you really expand your whole body, you're getting oxygen to these cells that you've been sitting in your Tyrannosaurus rex pose all day.

You know, get, get moving, get your body flowing and, and then that you are more comfortable. You look more comfortable. You look more relaxed because actually your muscles are.

So I definitely think that's a, an important step for sure.

This, this is a question for Genesis or anyone else who, who wants to answer. Kate, I know you do a lot of somatic stuff. Do you guys think that this culture of apps and like dating apps and all that has kind of made people live in their head a little bit more? Even more, because they're like, I never did the app things. I don't know, but my friends that are on it, they'll spend like 30 minutes trying to figure out which emoji to put on their response text. And it's like, that's so much in your head. Do you guys kind of think that's a thing now.

I do. I think people are very much in their heads. I think the other challenge that the dating app bring is it gives you this sense of very heady intellectually. You know, they meet this criteria, that criteria, especially the ones that have the filters. Right. I'm only going to date somebody that's 6 foot 4 or taller, and I'm only going to date somebody that has a master's degree or higher. And I'm only going to date somebody that, well, you're going to miss out on the really amazing, funny, smart guy who just so happens to be 5 foot 10, you know, and where you're really going to enjoy your time together. Right. So I think that's the biggest challenge with the dating apps is it becomes like infinite possibilities and categorizing and spreadsheets and weighted averages of, you know, your different criteria as opposed to making a real human connection. Eye gazing, curiosity.

I met my partner and his first words to me were, may I ask you some penetrating questions? And my response was, of course, those are my favorite kind.

Right.

So.

And.

And it's hilarious because we were actually on all of the same dating apps, but we'd never come across each other because I didn't fit his filters and he didn't fit mine.

So I'm not a giant fan of the dating apps. I'm a fan for like you're saying, you know, go out, do the things you like doing, join the hiking club, join the cooking club, take the, you know, knitting class, what that one's maybe less likely. But, you know, do what it is that you love to do and show it fully being yourself. And you're going to meet amazing people that are into similar things and maybe some others that you haven't tried yet.

Yeah, I can second that and say a little bit more about what else is missed on the apps in terms of potential of connection and communication that gets lost when it's in text, when it's words only. Most of our communication is through the body and that's how we pick up on another, how we feel another, how we attune to another. And if we can't actually read facial expressions or hear tone of voice or feel someone's energy, then we really are just looking at them through these filters or through pictures in 2D and it does not allow for a lot of room for deep connection and more possibility of deeper connections.

My biggest fear with the so I believe everything has a positive side and a negative side. So there are some wonderful things to these apps which I'll bring up secondary. It's just interesting that my fear with these apps.

Are two primary things. One, I actually, on the plus side, I love all the categories and being able to. You can learn so much from these categories and the matching algorithms are really interesting and neat and it opens you up to quick opportunities to say yes more and go out on more dates. That's beautiful. The thing that I'm more fearful about is how the perfectionism of apps now and the filters that people are applying to make themselves totally different than who they really are. And then also the constant feedback loops of seeing all these other people that you think are perfect and then it ends up kind of eating you up because, oh, look at all these wonderful, beautiful people. I'm not. And so I have to apply more and more filters to myself and bringing like more inauthenticity into the picture.

Plus the constant then, oh my God, it's like an endless buffet of people where, you know, I saw somebody post up that he was crushed the other day because he took this girl out on a date and he, he was so excited about it and he took like a sneak photo of her and she's sitting there swiping away on her app while she's sitting with him. So it's like even the inability to be present when you're out on a date is, you know, because you're, it's always, you know, these apps are designed to constantly be getting our attention. Oh, hey, someone just sent you a message. Oh, hey, someone wants to meet you. And so it's kind of like, wow, this endless buffet of just other opportunities. But I, which one made me want to lead to a caveat of this whole conversation, which again, I think goes into some of the stuff Nancy was talking about. And Ted, you were talking about, about focusing on yourself, but also that checking in with yourself, but also before you're ready to be with a partner or somebody else in that capacity and to couple up, making sure like that you authentically want that, are ready for that and are able to communicate that as opposed. There's nothing wrong with just going on dates with people, I believe if you're not ready with it, but being able to express that, be honest with that and say, hey, I'm not interested in full on commitment right now. I'm more just going out for the experience. Like what Ted was saying going into the bar, high fiving meeting. It doesn't to me. I love that approach as well. And it's not, oh, I'm after just meeting girls But I'm after to meet people and high five anyone and just have a wonderful time and be present with people and celebratory. And that's the experience I'm looking for now. Not having to fool myself. Oh, if I had a partner then that's, I need to be with somebody. I need to be with somebody. Because maybe that's not where you are in life at that moment. And you know, I think many times seeing kids so young where they haven't even explored their own life yet and they haven't even developed who they are getting into such a serious relationship and then later it falls apart because they haven't yet live their life yet and they haven't been themselves yet and gone on their own adventures. And I think, you know, back to your guys earlier points of when we are just, you know, at going through a stage in life where we're focusing on what makes me happy, what are the things I love to do, what can I go off. And you naturally, you know, Nancy keeps talking about the energy. You naturally meet these people and they come into your life at the right time, in the right moment, you will know it then and then it will just kind of naturally work as opposed to forcing a situation before you're ready. And so having that capacity to. And that, that those times when you are self reflecting on what is it that I'm really after? Am I after a relationship because I'm lonely and I'm trying to fill that void? Or am I after, you know, what is it? Or I'm after just be, you know, building the best life for myself. And if the, if the right person comes in at the right time, it'll, it'll happen.

Yeah, I think that's, that's great. I'm like. Because you're, when you're coming from that fulfilled place, it just changes everything. And then you're not, yeah, you're just not in that needy space because if you're feeling needy, you're not going to pick up on a good, pick up on a good person. And I just wanted to think the thing that I liked about the apps because I'm not saying don't use them, I'm just saying don't be dependent on them. The thing that I did that I liked is having not date, having not had any relationship other than my ex husband for 23 years. You know, when I got out back out there, it was to me it was flexing the muscle of just getting to meet people and it was easy access to be able to like you know, to meet different people and get to explore what I even wanted, you know, and so I did like it from that perspective. And I don't think had I not had that experience, I don't think I would have showed up in the same way when I did meet my person, you know. And so I think from that way it was a really good benefit. And so I just, I think we've covered a little bit in terms of, like, what to say, right? Because it's not so much what to say, it's you feeling freaking, like badass in the way that you feel about yourself. And you're coming from this place of abundance. But we also. There are going to be those people that are going to be like, but what do I say? You know? So I did want to go there just so we could kind of just popcorn that a little bit. Because I love the high five. I love eye contact. I love the smile. We talked about the hey, bar friend. And that could be applied to anything. Hi, bike friend. Like, anything you're doing, you know, you could like, literally use that as a thing. I'm curious, like thinking about the things that you're curious about the person, you know, and then asking those questions or saying that you're curious about those things. I'm like, oh, I actually did do a lot now that I'm thinking about it. But yeah. Is there anything else that you guys have that you think would be good tactical? So when they are, you know, like, if they're struggling through, because that's going to be. And I'm thinking even sales, like I always had, not saying I want to script for people, but I always. When you don't know what you're going to say, then you get into that analysis paralysis. So if people kind of have an idea of what a good way to approach someone, I think they'll get out of that fear a little bit easier.

One of my favorites is starting with some sort of. I couldn't help but notice how you're smiling. Or I couldn't help but notice how your eyes were sparkling. And it made me wonder what you're passionate about.

I think that's one of my favorite questions because it opens the door so widely for them to talk about something that they're really enthusiastic about and then that will just gain the momentum. It doesn't sound like, hey, I'm after you and you know, what's your sign? And any of that stuff. It's like, again, meeting human to human, what are you passionate about in this world?

So good.

Okay, how about we each, we each go on this one if that's cool. I'm putting you guys totally on the spot. Sorry.

Let's do it.

What's your words head? What do you got?

You know, I hesitate. You know, when you ask the question, you say, what are tactics? Because I think men have to be. You have to tread really carefully here. Especially just society's changed, you know, and.

It'S like it can be a razor thin difference between, you know, being creepy and not. And I think a lot of guys struggle with this, certainly last generation does that grew up in front of screens and they're not necessarily as comfortable in person. And I don't know, I just kind of like to build off of what we've already discussed as a group, which is raise your vibration so high and you're at such a good high energetic frequency that you're going to kind of polarize and pull people into your orbit naturally if you're kind of radiating good energy. I, you know, one thing when I was trying to learn how to approach people.

A lot of the information they gave to guys is icky. It's like very tactics based and inauthentic. And I'm huge on being authentic. You know, I grew up in the Midwest, I grew up on a farm. I did manual labor through college. And it's just authenticity really matters to me. And a lot of the stuff they teach men in the dating space is inauthentic. Having said that, I do.

I think if you want to come from a place of abundance and high vibration, I think it's good to be showing gratitude. And I think an easy tactical way to show gratitude if you're going into a group situation and you're open to meeting people is pick something to celebrate. So that's what I always did and still do. Just go out because you should be celebrating more. Crap. I built this whole real estate company and it did really well. I never celebrated anything I was negative about the whole time. And after I got out of that experience, I'm like, dude, you need to celebrate your wins more. So pick something. You know, it doesn't have to be even business related. Maybe I did 12 pull ups today instead of 10. And then, so go out and, you know, you might catch someone's eye or they'd be like, oh, what are you out for? You. You bump shoulders with them, whatever. And you say, well, I'm out celebrating. Of course they'll say, well, what are you celebrating? And you're like, well, today I did 12 pull ups. Instead of 10. And, you know, the conversation can kind of go from there as long as you have a curious mind and you ask them questions and are genuinely interested. I don't know, I never. A lot of the dating space gurus and stuff, they have some terrible advice. But tactically it does work, but it's very inauthentic.

Yeah.

And I love that. I love that you brought that up because. Yeah, that's the whole point of this whole thing.

Right.

Is coming from that authentic place. And I like that idea of coming from a celebration because then you're bringing them into that excitement.

You know, you should be celebrating more. I mean, I forget the quote. I'm going to look it up on my phone because a friend of mine sent it to me because he has a company, he's in Hawaii now, and the stress used to tear him apart. And he actually sent me this quote. I never would have guessed it was from Joan Rivers. I wasn't even sure who she was. I had to look her up. But this is by Joan Rivers and she says, life goes by fast. Enjoy it, calm down, it's all funny. I mean, what a good philosophy, right? Like, go out. And I think humor too. It raises your vibration. I've been trying to laugh more. I've been watching stand up comedy on YouTube and just laughing more. And I'm pretty sure it energetically raises your frequency because I feel pretty good and I seem to do better in business after that. So. I don't know, Go to a comedy show.

Yeah, yeah, I like it. And then say hi to someone. Say what you're celebrating.

Yeah, exactly.

Kate, where are you going to go?

Yeah, but I.

Okay, I'm just going to jump in here because I love what you were speaking to Ted about authenticity. And I say, throw away the scripts. And if you find yourself wanting a script and reaching for something to do it in a certain way, and then get familiar with that need to be in a certain way. And I'd say that.

Don'T skip the steps you have to go through. Being a bit awkward, not knowing what to say, putting yourself out there to get to a place where it comes more naturally. And I think that's so valuable and very humbling.

And I'd say if you start with bringing some play in and some curiosity and you let yourself actually go up to the people you are intrigued by, you could actually just be very real and say, hey, I noticed that. I'm drawn to you. I'd love to talk to you. I don't really know what to Say, or I feel lost for words, or I feel really awkward, but there's something about you. I want to know more and just be as you as possible and see what happens.

That vulnerability is very attractive because people can relate to it.

So good. Dr. Well, you want me to.

Nancy.

You'Re sweet, even though I'm still paying for those letters. But.

The.

Ted was, Theo was talking about something really important. And it's the generation, right? How each generation approaches dating. The. The younger generation is, you know, phones or whatever, very like, I'm just gonna be here in my little shell and not really connect with anybody. But I think that the people from the peloton that you are sort of trying to reach out 40s and everything, they are more used to contacting people in person. So for them is having an experience. And when I can imagine, I can imagine someone, a woman or a man going to a place where they're celebrating something and they're like, oh, my gosh, what do I do to meet another person? How do I challenge myself? Or what do I do? Immediately, I want to say, do whatever you want and enjoy this time and just dance if you want to dance, or laugh if you want to dance. Don't be like, is that person looking at me? Where are they? Like, what's, what are they doing? Just be in that vibration and let that vibration be the one that attracts the person to you. Versus, like, being in the desperate vibration where you're. Everybody's going to be like, oh, she's so desperate, or he's so desperate. And so once you're doing something, it's going to occur naturally where that person is going to be drawn to you, you're going to be going to the same place at the same time, or you're going to lock eyes and just that magic is going to happen naturally. So I want to say instead of rehearsing, like, hi, my name is Nancy, or whatever, like, I'm so nervous. Just relax into it and whatever comes up, comes up. And if you mess up, like, you know, Kate was saying, like, you mess up and if you say something silly, you laugh at yourself and it's okay. Just relax and do it. Just let it be. And just let that energy of you being yourself be so genuine and so authentic that the person that is in front of you either gets attracted or repel. And that's great. That's your filter right there. If it's repel, thank you. That's great. Thank you so much for the energy. If it's attractive, then let that Be the flow that comes together, you know? So that's. That's my two sentence.

So good. All right, Adam, what do you got?

Wow. I think.

I honestly think what Ted said about having something to celebrate is the most fun thing I've heard in a long time. I love it so much that I'm almost like, you should. I feel like everyone.

When they have a reason or they feel like they have a reason for something and they could show up somewhere with that reason, it might give them a little more courage just to say, you know what? I don't. I can get rid of all these other things that I'm coming to this event with that might make me feel, you know, like I'm questioning, why am I here? All these different questions of am I good enough? All these things. But with what Ted? Kind of. I feel like that's such a gift to just be like, hey, I want everyone just to find one thing that you could be celebrating and show up with that thing. What a wonderful gift to give someone that, hey, this is why I'm happy. This is why I'm here. And I feel wonderful to be here about that. I think that's just. I'd never heard that before. I think that's just such a wonderful framework to show up with because he's right. Like, we don't celebrate things enough or that, you know, like, we get so bogged down by, like you said, these apps that always have negativity, there's like a negativity loop that, you know, it spreads faster, farther when it's negative. And so we're always consuming ourselves with these kind of pessimistic negativity, and then you end up going out to the bar for the wrong reason. Right. But to refocus that energy on, you know, what's a win, even if it's a small win, what is a win that I could show up with today and celebrate and enjoy that with somebody else and share that with somebody else, but then also receive somebody else's celebration.

Yeah. What a beautiful framework to, you know, as a reason to go out. I love it. Yeah. That's the coolest thing I've heard in a while. So.

So, you know, Adam, you uncovered something that I hadn't previously considered. You just linked two different worlds for me. So in copywriting, you know, we have this thing we call reason why Copy. So, like, if you're doing a sale or something, you should have a reason why you're doing it. If you're doing a new promotion, like, what's your Reason why it's like a very powerful tactic to use in copywriting to increase sales. But I never thought of linking that like you just did to going out. But, like, it's, it's the reason why psychologically it makes it easier to meet people because you're, you're literally, you're already out celebrating, so you don't have this air of desperation about you to meet people because you're going to have fun. Anyway, you're already out celebrating. And I like the way you link it because I never thought about it that way. It's really interesting.

I have one of my good, good friends, he owns a bakery, Matt Beach. And he would always, you know, I'd call him, he'd be out by himself. And I'm always like, how do you go out by yourself? You know what he's like? I work so hard during the day. I need to dance or I need to hear live music. And then he always just meets wonderful people because he's willing, you know, to just say, I work so many hours at the bakery, I don't care. I'm not going to waste time calling friends or waiting on anyone. You want to meet me out, I'm here. I'm going out. And he doesn't let anything else hold him back or stand in his way because he's embracing life, because he knows how draining the work is, and he loves his work. But it also, it occupies so much space that he. When it's time to go out, he wants that different vibration, that different frequency. I'm going out. Nothing's going to stop me. And I always love that. You know, so much of the time we get in our own way of saying, oh, I need someone to do this with. I need someone to go with me. I need. If I'm going to go to the movies, I need to find someone to go to the movies with me. Or if I'm going to go out to eat, I need to find someone to go out to eat. But having that courage is that, you know what? I'm going. Because life is going by too fast. But that being said, Stacy, I love the idea of challenges where you do give the people who want to do something collectively as a group that opportunity to come together and do it as a group as to just build that muscle of doing it and as a growth step. So I think that's one of the things that I truly love about challenges, like what you're giving people. You know, like the story you sent out with the guy who did the 100 days of rejection. It started with him finding a website that pushed him. Hey, here is a challenge you can apply to yourself. And that website of, here's a collective group of people who use this tool to overcome an obstacle that's holding them back. And so having a group like this, I think, is special and wonderful as well.

I appreciate that. I think, actually, the going back to when you're talking about going out alone, I used to travel for work, and so I was out alone a lot. And a lot of my colleagues would be like, they would just stay in their hotel room when they traveled. I'm like, I'm in some new town I've never been in before. I want to go explore. I want to go see. I just want to walk the street. I just want to see what shops are there. I just want to smile and meet people. And I would always, you know, if I went out to a restaurant that had a bar area, I would sit at the bar. Why? Because you stand a pretty good chance of having somebody on this side or on this side that wants to have some level of conversation. And it was always easy enough to.

Give just a little thing to see if they wanted to take the bite. Right. Oh, that looks really good. What is that that you're having? And if they then engage in conversation, we can have a great conversation. And if they just said, you know, it's the fish special, and turned away, well, great. Guess I'm not talking to you, and that's okay. So I think going out alone actually stretches the muscle a little bit more. You're more inclined to start a conversation with someone than you are if you're already with people. So I think that that could be another layer of this as well.

Yeah.

And I'm so glad you guys brought this up, because there's some people to them, just even going out alone is the dare, you know, and, like, because they don't even like to go to a gym by themselves or to go, you know, to a restaurant and not take it, to go is, like, obscene to them, you know, or go on a hike. And so I do think that's a really good framework, is just like, if that's your dare to go out alone, then do that. You know, you don't even have to talk to anyone if you don't want. Just at least do that and flex the muscle, have a psychological win. So you're like, oh, I did it. You know, and then decide if you want to go to the edge. What do you say, Kate? Edge of the comfort. What is Your wording for that.

The tender edge.

Yeah, Go to your tender edge. Wait, say the exact word. Say the exact.

Oh, oh. With one foot in safety and one foot in the unknown.

Yeah. And so. So, yeah. So you're basically, like, opening yourself up to see that, okay, I did not die. I went to the bar, you know, or I went on that hike by myself. So, yeah, so. And I think that's it is choose your own adventure, right? It's. What is the dare to you? Is it just going out by yourself? Is it going and talking to someone you know? Is it celebrating, you know? And what is your dare? So I wanted to go around now and just say, for the dating dare, do the thing. Dating dare challenge. I'm still working out the name, but I think that's it. What would be. And we talked about some of those dares. Just kind of name off another one, another dare. Like, something that would be fun as a dare for them to do for. For the purpose of this challenge in terms of building those muscles for them to be able to. To do this. Do this thing, do that thing.

I just wanted to add something real quick to. I love the fact that you are creating challenges, because when people think.

Oh, well, I have to go and talk to this person because I. I'm in a challenge, then it's not about, I'm feeling insecure, I'm afraid of being rejected or whatever. It's not coming from this. From the insecurity piece is coming from, like, well, I have a reason. And so if I get rejected, it's okay because it's part of the challenge. It's like giving them an excuse or a reason to do something out of their comfort zone. Kind of like what Theo was saying, like, celebrating, and it's not. It helps them save face. You know, being rejected is not something pretty. And some people can be very brutal when they're rejecting another person. And so doing the challenges, I think, is a powerful way to get them out of the comfort zone, do something that it's okay if they get rejected. It's fine. They can soothe themselves and be like, well, I try and make it fun.

I want to say a dare would be to.

So going in line with what I've been saying, I would say a dare is to do something that they've always wanted to do, like dance in the middle of the dance floor by themselves or.

I don't know, star a karaoke song or something that they wanted to do, but they're, like, embarrassed to do.

And do it, even if it's for five minutes. You know, they go up and they do it and they enjoy it, not thinking of who's looking at them, but just like, I'm gonna do that and start filling myself up with this energy of this is what I love to do. So, I mean, that might be the same thing that you're saying, Stacy, but.

I don't know. Going in line with what we're talking.

About, it's exactly what I wanted now. Perfect.

I came up with my challenge, so I think this one's interesting. So I think whether you're male or female, make the challenge to compliment a male stranger. Guys don't get compliments too often in life. Women get a lot more compliments than men, typically. And granted, a lot of them are from men hitting on them. Right. And so they'll do it as a compliment, but go. But guys usually don't. So I would say if you're in line at the grocery store or a coffee shop, whether you're male or female, compliment a dude on something. Like, the other day, I was. I don't even. I was in Austin, and this guy had the sickest pair of crocs on. I mean, they were wild. I mean, it looked like a smurf threw up on them. Crazy pattern. And I was like, dude, that is sick that you're wearing those right now. Like, those are cool. And he just lit up. Like. I mean, it was. It sounds weird, but, like, I think if you put positive energy out.

And to people that don't normally get it, like, reflects the universe is going to reflect it back to you. There's some YouTube channel where people drive around. They actually do that, and they're usually complimenting guys, and it's kind of funny to watch how much they. They light up. So I would say, you know, compliment a dude on something could be anything.

You know, actually going off of that. I think one of the things that we. A lot of people tend to do if they receive a compliment is to push it away. But it can be really cool to fully accept that. So, you know, someone gives you a compliment and. And you just kind of, like, let it sink in, and you say thank you.

That's.

It's true.

It's so. It's so true. Like, so few people know how to receive a compliment, and I don't know what program in our culture does that, but, like, they immediately push back on it. And especially with physical appearance things, it's just crazy. But, yeah, I don't know. That's a really good point.

Thank you.

It's true.

It's true.

That's a fun way to go.

Yeah.

So, Genesis, I think you have to do another dare, though. We're not getting out of this.

I dare you. I dare you to ask for exactly.

What you really want.

To really go. Like, ooh, I would really love to caress your hair. Or I would really love to just stare deeply into your eyes for a minute. Would that be okay?

If they say yes, What a gift.

Right?

And if they say no, you can just say, thank you for taking care of yourself. Thank you for holding your own boundaries, or thank you for, you know, whatever. But being graciously, receiving the no can be really powerful, and they may counter, actually, if you. If you graciously receive their no, it could be, well, no, you can't caress my arm, but we can hold hands.

Right.

And so you. Then negotiating or getting to this place where we find a middle ground, a place where we're both comfortable starting. I mean, even. Yeah. A woman walking up to a woman. You know, your sweater looks so soft. Could I touch it? You know, being. Asking for what you really, really want and then being okay with them holding whatever boundary they have and appreciating them for that boundary.

I love the way you're taking the no, too. I have never heard it in that way before, and I just think that's so powerful. Right. Because the rejection piece is the reason that holds so many people back. But when you're receiving it in that way and telling them, like, thank you. Thanks for holding your boundary, I mean, that is, like, that's legit. That's really.

Well, I mean, what we don't want is somebody to do something that they're not comfortable with.

Yeah.

Right. You don't want somebody.

All tight about it. You want somebody who's enthusiastically saying yes to what you're asking for.

So if they're not giving you the enthusiastic yes, thank them for not crossing their boundaries. Thank them for saving you the time of doing something with someone who doesn't want to be doing it with you. Reject. The other day, somebody said to me, rejection is God's protection.

Wow.

If you're not in alignment, you're not in alignment, and that's okay. Move on.

I came up with one. When you. When you're online, pick someone that you wouldn't go out with.

Oh, that's a good.

Yep.

Yeah.

Doesn't meet your list of 173.

Yes. Yes.

With weighted averages and espresso.

Give someone else a chance.

Yeah.

Okay. Kate, Dare.

Okay. I dare you. To be really honest with yourself and notice what your comfort zone is or what's familiar to you in the way that you show up in relationship. Are you the initiator? Do you ask all the questions? Do you talk a lot? Are you fast and slow down, listen, be receptive? Or are you the quiet observer who doesn't ask questions, just likes to be asked things, goes along with and do the opposite and try it out.

I like that one. That's a good.

So good. All right, Adam.

So.

I guess the easy answer for me, because I find that everybody's fear points are in different places. It would be to check in and find, you know, what is it that you're afraid of? Where is your fear lie? And if you were to challenge that fear, what you know, where do you think you could grow from it? Where would you go? And if it is, you know, a fear of X, you know, to really challenge yourself with that fear and do it. I had so for me, twofold. Launching a company and launching an app. Super fearful that it would be a failure. And also I'd never podcast. So I said 365 podcasts, one new person every day, and I'm going to talk about fear year. And to me, it was fascinating spending an entire year with a different person every single day, telling me what their fear was and what happened when they went to meet their fear and challenge that fear. And what was so interesting is while all the fears, there's so many different fears, they all kind of fell into the same kind of buckets. You know, there was like eight or so buckets that they all kind of aligned with. But, you know, some people would have no problem with another person's fear. Oh, I'd do that all day long. Whereas their fear, you know, they. That was where they really needed to meet that, you know, meet that point in time. So I think for each person would be to find that fear and to challenge yourself with it. If you want one specific I dare you. I'm gonna say I dare you to do 10 days of podcasting, record 10 podcasts, one a day, and see what you can learn from it. Because I find there's so much value in, like, what I watched you do, where you put yourself out there and you're forced to talk to somebody new. You know, find a way to meet somebody and ask them, hey, can I talk to you about X, Y, or Z? You risk rejection because a lot of people will say no. And the other side of rejection is somebody says yes and then doesn't show up. You know, how do you meet that moment when.

Somebody told you they were going to do something and then all of a sudden they're not there? You know, is that. How do you not take that personally? And how then do you say, okay, that person didn't show up today. I need to quickly find a new person and to realize that there are so many other people out there.

That all you have to do is ask another person or another person, and eventually somebody says yes. And then you have an amazing experience like what we've been doing today, where you're talking and learning and thinking about new ideas. So I see so much value.

With having conversations, asking people questions, learning to listen and respond and to be empathetic and just kind of be there. And so for me, my challenge would be, you know, or even a seven day podcasting challenge. You know, one week. Can you do it for one week? And you never know, you might fall in love with it and keep going.

And the other thing I wanted to bring up really briefly, that is not a fully worked out idea yet. But I'm wondering if. So much of the time we worry about rejection in the way that if we put ourselves out there with somebody, I need that person to be there, and I can't have them disappear on me or say no, and then they're gone. And if I, you know, what happens if this person, you know, disappears on me and. Or leaves or says no or whatever. And I'm wondering, like, the framework of thinking about how each person, whether, if it's very brief, comes into your life of, like, seeing everyone as, like a stream that, you know, leads into your river, and some streams will be stronger and flow more and some will be very small and just like a pinprick of a moment and it's gone. And being okay with it, not always being there or being a constant stream that runs into yours. You know, something that.

Can be brief, you know, if somebody says no to you, you know, not looking at every connection, having to be a connection that lasts forever, but just appreciate it for even that small moment.

Yeah.

Be grateful for whatever it is, for whatever experience you have. Find the joy in it, find the gratitude in it. And.

Yeah.

And if you get more bonus.

And then I think that leads into the risk assessment and it's like, you know, which to me now I've added, what. What am I learning from this moment? What am I learning from this interaction? And Nancy says, what is the worst that's going to happen? You know, and like, really kind of embracing that, you know, I'M just going to get to talk to someone and they may, you know, and then, and then maybe even just you saying, and I love that idea of Genesis with the maybe even just you saying, like, thanks for holding that boundary. Like that may be even a gift for that person because they might not even realize that they're. That's what they're doing.

One, one other quick thing I wanted to throw in there because I think the other really important mental framework to hold is change is good. Right? I think you said earlier that nothing changes. I wanted to push back on that a little bit because I think we want change and I think we want the growth mindset of I want to evolve, I want to grow. And by putting myself out, that each new person that I meet or bring into my life has the opportunity to teach me something new. And I get to grow and change and evolve with it.

It.

And I think knowing that we're going into life not to make things constant or stay the same, but to want to grow is such an important thing. And we're not going to grow if we don't challenge or push ourselves. And so.

Yeah, I'm so glad that you said that. So, okay, so let's go around and let's just talk about by them doing a challenge like this, whatever it is something to get them outside their comfort zone. And maybe we'll just talk about this specifically is what do you think? What do you think the benefits would be from them being able to do this? So let's kind of, let's, let's popcorn it for that one too.

Well, I think it's a growth point. So you can look at these challenging situations in your life and you can look at it negatively or you can look at it from a growth mindset. And if you have never done this before and you go door to door or you compliment a stranger in line at the grocery store, or you pick a reason to celebrate and you go out by yourself and you tell people you're celebrating. That's a growth point in your life. Right? It's forcing you to evolve. And I think the human condition is you're going to have an unsatisfying time in your life if you're not constantly trying to evolve and improve as a human. You know, Tony Robbins has a quote that I really like, which is the quality of your life is the quality of the questions you ask yourself. And my question from a young age has always been, how can I be better? How can I improve? You know, and, you know, the early part of My life, that was, you know, athletics and stuff. And, and then later it was sales, and later it was owning a business and. And then it, then it was emotional healing work, which most guys are out of touch with as, as I was. And, and you know, I got into that. And.

So. And this, this stuff, you know, like learning to approach people and talk to strangers. I mean, it's. What a great growth point. I mean, your life's going to immeasurably improve from it, even if it's just saying hi to somebody you're kind of walking next to you. If you go on your morning walk and they're kind of keeping pace with you, you know, like, like who knows what goodness could come out of that. But at the very least, you're pumping them full of good energy and the universe is going to reflect that back to you, so you can't really go wrong. That's kind of my take.

Yeah, I want to piggyback on that because it's easy to be single, to be frank, because no one is challenging you, no one is mirroring for you all the time the shitty stuff that you have inside. And no one is triggering you. You're like, by yourself. So, like, whatever you want, this, this way, this stays this way. And being in relationship, it just really triggers all those things that you've been hiding. So take it as a, as a moment to look at yourself and learn more about yourself and really understand who you truly are and heal whatever parts of you that need some healing and growth. I think relationships are just a reflection of us. In what ways am I acting that way or why am I getting triggered by this? What insecurities are coming up and let me heal me, let me heal that. And so it's a gift to be in a relationship, I would say.

Yeah. And I think also there's the benefit of the win for some people that haven't stretched these edges before, just doing it, trying it, and successfully going, woohoo. I did the thing that's going to give them that level of success, of celebration, and then they're going to be ready to take on something more and then something more and something more. And I think like Ted was saying, the learning about.

The dating piece helped the business and the business piece helped the dating. And both, both of you talked about how going door to door got you better with rejection, which helped you with the dating. It's all interchangeable. So I think the benefits are exponential, like dominoes. Right. Going off in a number of different directions. When you step up to A challenge. When you face your fear and you go forward, the benefits are infinite.

Yeah. I think what this kind of a challenge allows for is for you to learn how to celebrate, enjoy, and receive your own wins when you get what you want. It also teaches you how to hold yourself when you don't and how to be with the impact of a yes or a no. I don't think that the point is to be unfazed by rejection. I actually think it's to build capacity to be with whatever happens and to stay in your body and to stay with yourself as. As life unfolds.

Yeah, I love that as well.

For me, I wanted to point out the. I feel like so much of the time, we can also say, like, oh, it's a small. It's so small, or it's insignificant, or it's little. And then we. We don't. I guess it's okay. What am I trying to say? It's like.

We could write things off as, like, oh, it doesn't matter. It's really small. But, like, it's okay if. Even if those small things you're challenging or pushing those little things, because they could be big things that are. That are getting in our way or holding us back or whatever it is that we need to release.

I can't remember what someone said that made me think about that. But, you know, I feel like some. Sometimes we write off things as, oh, it's little, therefore, I'll ignore it or not do it. But sometimes leaning into those, doing something also, we. I find in life so much is the time we will do things.

We won't do things until, like, something forces us to do it or look at that. And so if this conversation. Someone hears this conversation, like, the sooner something is said, maybe it plants a seed that, you know what? I am going to say yes, this time and show up. The sooner we kind of push ourselves to do something new or challenge ourselves, this, you know, the sooner in life we have that opportunity to grow. So I know Genesis had said about looking into someone's eyes, it's such a powerful thing. Like, so someone had, you know, speaking of celebrations, he was celebrating a book launch. He launched a book, invited a bunch of people. I showed up thinking, okay, I'm gonna. You know, I don't really want to go, but I haven't been out, so I'm gonna go to this book launch. And he asked everyone to turn to the person next to them and stare into their eyes for, like, you know, like 60 seconds or something. And I thought, oh, Fuck, I do not want to do this. But then you do it. And, like, I can't remember, though. It was just quietness staring into someone's eyes for a straight 60 seconds, and it's like, wow. Like, I haven't seen this powerfulness of a human connection, and I don't remember when. And around the room, people just started crying and sobbing, and it was like, whoa, this is heavy. So the small little things of something that might. You might write off as just smaller, insignificant, can carry the most powerful weight ever. And so, again, I don't know what it is that made me go, because so much of the time I'd be resistant to things like that. And then when I got there, like, fuck, I don't want to do this thing. But then you do it. And I don't know if I've had, like, a powerful human connection like that. And I don't remember when. So it's worth sometimes challenging yourself and.

Going.

I think you guys are seeing why each of you are invited. My dream. My dream panel. Oh, my gosh, this has been unbelievable. Before we close out, I just wanted to see if you guys had anything else you wanted to add.

I think I would just give permission, right? I give permission to you to try doing something hard. I give permission for you to screw it up. I give permission for you to have great success. So give yourself permission.

I want to say, look into the humanness of another person. It's not this weird guy who's trying to hit on you. Like, this is another guy who's doing his best, and he's maybe feeling intimidated and he is taking a risk, and maybe he is there, there in himself. And so look into the humanness of another one as you look into your own.

I think my parting words, one, thank you, everyone, for being here and showing up. And it was wonderful to get to hear everything you all said. I love it. I think one thing I'd like to say in terms of.

We've been talking a lot about the energy we bring, and sometimes in life, when we meet somebody that might be down with negative energy, not. I feel like looking at that as an opportunity to bring a little bit of positive energy back into that person's life as opposed to looking at the, oh, that person's so bad or negative, or continuing to, you know, you know, push back on that person who might be having a tough day or whatever. The opportunity that, you know, again, that you showed up to, like, sometimes it could. I gotta draw deep. But to give, you know, something special back or Happiness, a little bit of positivity back to that person in life. So if you're out, someone sits next to you at the bar or whatever, and they're not in a good mood to talk, just to smile, even at that person or whatever, and sometimes taking that negative energy that's out there and putting your, you know, positivity back and being able to do that, I think is important. So.

Yeah, just, I guess showing up with the positivity when we can and then taking the personal time to recharge our own batteries so we can have the capacity to show up, up with some positivity.

And I wish everyone. I hope everyone that goes to your event gets an opportunity to stretch themselves a little and put themselves out there and meet someone new, meet someone special. And so, Stacy, I celebrate you for putting something, you know, being courageous. To put this together takes, you know, starting that fire, lighting a fire that people can come around and group around and celebrate around. So my hat's off to you for doing the thing.

Thank you.

Kate. You guys have parting words before we end?

Kate, you go first.

Okay.

Yeah.

Parting words are get to know your own resistance and invite that part of you to play.

Well.

Stace, I want to know what your challenge is if you had to pick.

One, like, for a dare.

Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, it's funny. I was thinking about it as you guys were talking, and, I mean, you said so much in terms of filling it up from inside and vibrating, you know, from a good way. And I was, like, thinking just for. I'm thinking of the shy people and the people that just are terrified. You know, I just think even just something. And I like the celebrating idea, but something you can even just put on yourself, you know, like, as a dare, you know, just wear a tiara or, you know, put a big hat on or just something just different, just to keep. Just make it fun, you know, kind of a thing. And then my parting words are, gosh, guys, like, flex the muscles, you know, for life. Like, this is like, don't be scared of just doing it. And, you know, like, whether it's you doing it and then learning from it or you actually just having an amazing experience and take that joy and feel it and let it just, like, fill you up. And, like, right now, like, I feel so, like, amazing that each of you are here, and just the spark and the energy that I feel from, like, everyone's ideas popping, it's just like, there's nothing that can beat this kind of experience, you know, and it's just taking that out to the world and what can you. What can you do? What lights you up, you know, so that's kind of where I'm at.

You've mentioned meeting your boyfriend a couple times on here. Was that when I forced everybody to drink absinthe?

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we were celebrating really high end absinthe that day from Europe. Okay, so that's right. Because. Okay. I dragged him there and then you. Yeah, dragged you there and then forced you. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, so we were celebrating, you know. All right. I thought that was the one we were celebrating.

There you go. See, I'm a celebration. And you created this really cool space. I was actually talking to him before this episode because I was just kind of talking about you coming on and I was excited and all that. And. And it's just. Yeah, it's funny. That's what. Because I was saying how it's funny that you're here, you're going to be on, because you literally created that space, you know, and got all these puzzle pieces to work out.

So.

Yeah.

Cool. And it goes back to celebrating.

Right?

So. Well, thanks again, everyone. I really appreciate it. For the listeners, I'm going to put. I'm going to put the link to all of their episodes or I'll figure something out. So you could, like, see everyone that was on this panel, because I'm imagining you're going to want to, to, you know, get to know everyone. And Nancy has two episodes with me and Kate has two. And Ted, we just recorded ours today, so that was fun. So that'll be published probably by the time this goes out. And then if you guys want to do. And then Genesis, as you guys all have to listen because it's fun. The whole thing of the coffee cup and the. It's just you have to listen to it. And then Nancy's like, yes.

And.

And then if you guys want to take Adam up on his challenge, he's a great app and it makes it so easy and painless to just like do 10 episodes on a podcast and then close it. You don't need to, like, that was my thoughts. I'm like, I'll do 10 and if I don't like it, I'm not going to keep doing it, you know, and so. And obviously it's going on now, but don't have to think of it as a long term thing. And I love that idea of that, that lens of just like create your own podcast and that's how you could meet people, you know, and so feel free to check out his app to be able to do it really easy and simple. And it's free to start, too, so.

So thanks, everyone.

Thanks, Stacey.

Thank you for having us. This was a lot of fun. Stacey, thank you for putting this together. I appreciate it. I agree. I'm excited for people.

Bye, guys.