This is a multi-speaker YouTube conversation led by Stacey Lauren about traditional dating and how to meet people. The chunk focuses on mindset and practical preparation before social interactions: coming from a place of pleasure and self-confidence (including self-pleasure, breathwork, dancing, body awareness), using playfulness and curiosity when sparking conversations, and letting enjoyment — not desperation — guide where and how to meet others. It also emphasizes simple grounding practices (deep breathing, movement, smiling) and pre-screening interactions by how they feel to you.
Chapters
When you are going out and you're wanting to meet people, you're already going with the wrong energy. I would say go because it's going to be enjoyable, because it's going to be fun. And let that take you. Let that be the step.
People were like, well, what am I supposed to say to people? So I thought we could just kind of go around the. What, call it a room. Because I feel like we're in a room. We're in a zoom room.
So we're good.
Yeah. Just maybe talk about, like, what would be some good ways to just kind of approach someone. Because I think that's the other problem. You know, people don't even know what to say. And I was talking to someone the other day, and she's like, she just goes to the bar. And again, I'm not saying you should go to a bar, because if you don't like going to bars, don't go to a bar, because you don't want to meet someone that's going to bars. You want to go wherever the people are that you want to be doing. Whatever you want to be doing is where you want to go. So whether it's hiking, biking. But anyway, she goes up to people at a bar and she's like, hey, bar friend, what's up? And that's just a way to start the conversation. So, yeah, let's kind of.
Let's go there before we go there. I was thinking about, like, preparing themselves to go out.
Yes.
Yeah, perfect.
Let's do it. Okay.
So one of the things that I think is critically important and it really speaks to what the others have been talking about is really coming in that confident, cool, collective mindset. And one of the best ways I found to really fill yourself up is to take time for pleasure. And so, I mean, yes, of course there's long that thing, right? Guys, get one taken care of before you go out on the date. Well, no, really take some time. Really take some time to drop in with yourself and find pleasure in yourself. Find joy in yourself. It might be something that involves caressing your body, your thighs. It could be dancing around the living room naked after your shower, before your shower. It really could be taking some time in the mirror and really admiring the parts of yourself that you love. I have amazing eyes. My eyes are really awesome. And I want to connect with somebody by looking into their eyes. And so by taking some time in advance to going out there to really get juiced up, right? Do some nice, deep breathing. Breathe through your pussy. Breathe through your cock. Breathe through your heart and really just get into your body and feel yourself expanding. Right? Breathe deep and just expand yourself. Take up the space you deserve to take up. Smile. If you self pleasure, you've already got the smile on your face and people are going to be like, she's smiling. Wonder what she knows, wonder what she's up to. And when you already know that you're enough, when you already know that you're your own best lover, when you already love yourself, that radiates. So whatever conversation you're starting, you're starting from the place of someone who they're going to be attracted to. They're attracted to your energy, they're attracted to your joy, they're attracted to the vibes you're sending out, which are I'm pleasured, I'm happy, I'm confident, I can take care of myself and I'm fun and I want to play. Do you want to play with me? So that's probably where I would start. So regardless of the words that are going to come out of your mouth at whatever location you decide to go to, really dropping in and being present with yourself and being okay with who you are is I think, a critical foundation.
Yeah, I totally agree with that. Stacy. I don't know if I cut you off, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
This, this reminds me, I have a lot of clients that say, well, I'm just a little, I'm too fat, I'm too this, I'm too whatever. And they start putting themselves down. So I totally agree with you. First, pumping yourself up. Because I used to work at a, at a clinic and there were two women who were the exact same weight. They were both about 300 pounds, about 6ft tall. And one didn't believe in herself and the other one did. And the difference was just, just one was hiding in hoodies and was just wearing tons of makeup and just feeling ugly with herself. The other one was wearing a flower in her hair and a dress. And guess when which one got the attention. The one that was radiating from the inside out. It wasn't like who was wearing what, is what they felt inside. And that's so, so, so, so keen. I love that you mentioned that because to me is when you are going out and you're wanting to meet people, you're already going with the wrong energy. I would say go because it's going to be enjoyable because it's going to be fun. And let that take you, Let that be the step. When I think about like, oh, where to meet people or whatever, I wouldn't do that at all. I would say, what can I do? Oh, my friend invited me to go this place. I'm going with you. I'm doing it, too. It's not about, like, let me put on my list. Yep, I checked this place. I went this place. I search here. Where are the guys hanging out? Where are the girls hanging out? More of like, let the energy bring it to you and you be present and ready for that. Versus, like, no, I can't go there to meet the person that I'm supposed to meet because I'm busy here at the bar where I don't want to be, you know, trying to pick up people. Like, no, let that. Let the universe wants to conspire for you and with you. So let the universe help you with this. You know, that's my. My two cents. I love.
I love that idea of just coming from that full place and not the desperation, the desperate place. So, Kate, I know you have a lot to add to this one.
Yeah, there. There are some themes I see emerging in this conversation and coming up around playfulness and permission and imperfection, which I think are all key to putting yourself out there in any way. Then what you were mentioning before about how to even spark a conversation or how to approach someone, I think plays off of all of that and bringing in your own playfulness. And considering what would make this fun for me, how can I actually play with this interaction so that it's not some big thing of I need to get this from them or I need to show up in a certain way, but it's more like, oh, anything could happen. I might crash and burn, and that's okay, too. And no matter what happens, I'm going to be okay. I'm going to still be with myself at the end of this conversation. And in all of this and the practices of experiencing rejection or working with fear, I think this is such a huge piece of knowing that no matter what, you're still going to be with you. So no matter what happens afterwards, and then the awkward feelings and the awkward silence or the rejection, it's okay. It's another experience. It can even be part of that fun or that play. And there was. There was something, Ted, you were talking about, about boring and interesting and making the most of a situation. And there's this saying, and I can't remember by who, but it's something like, the more interested you are, the more interesting someone becomes. And I believe in that. If you're looking around and expecting someone to reveal themselves to you without you Actually summoning it or encouraging it with your own curiosity and your own presence, then that's bringing in a lot of expectation. So I say get curious and let yourself get curious and ask the questions that you genuinely want to know. That's like my number one rule is do not bother with questions you're not interested in. And if they are not okay for the other person, trust that they have a no and they'll let you know that. But go for what you want. And that's a huge piece that brings in owning your desires and showing up with them. And it takes some unraveling of perfectionism and pleasing and appeasing, which I think is ingrained in many of us from a young age. So I say that this, this challenge and dating or any, any place you do the thing and risk rejection is the perfect opportunity to untangle some of those, those internal ties.
Yeah, and I love that you guys are talking about this because it's, it's so important to not go with that person because I've heard people do this, oh, what is he or want, you know, from me? And it's not about that. Right. It's what do I want from this? You know, and asking questions that I want to know and coming from that place of like, you can pre screen whoever, whatever you want based on how you feel. It doesn't, you're not doing it for anyone else, you're doing it for yourself. And so, yeah, I love that, I love that this came up because I do think that's like really important to get across. So, so now we are curious and we're asking questions out of curiosity and what other suggestions do you guys have? So we're in our body, we're having pleasure, we're, gosh, I can't use the word genesis.
I can't do it.
We're breathing from our pussy. Okay, there you go. I said it. And so, you know, we're doing all this stuff. Okay, now, now here I am. Okay, now what?
Well, I have a question for the, the in your body people, because this is, was, I find really fascinating. I think those of us in the west, we live in our heads too much and we're not in our body. And a big part of my health journey was getting out of my head and putting myself back in my body. A lot of that was through neurofeedback and you know, movement based practices and stuff like that, emotional therapy, things like that. But do you guys have any other suggestions to be put back in your body before you go out and interact with the world or even just do a zoom interview.
Breathing, I think, is probably the, the most direct route to really just slow yourself down and, and focus on your breath. I love movement. Um, for me, getting some good music on and dancing it out is a really good way to just get, you know, super grounded.
Such a good reminder, especially for guys, because, you know, they're not as amenable to that usually, you know, but it makes, I mean, how good of a mood are you after you do that? You know, you're in a great mood.
Well, if you play a little air guitar, you know, you don't even have to dance. Like, play a little air guitar, do a little, you know, lip sync, whatever, just to, just to loosen up your body. I mean, we carry so much tension and we don't breathe fully too, right? Most of us breathing these pretty shallow breaths. Well, when you take a really deep breath and you really expand your whole body, you're getting oxygen to these cells that you've been sitting in your Tyrannosaurus rex pose all day. You know, get, get moving, get your body flowing and, and then that you are more comfortable, you look more comfortable, you look more relaxed because actually your muscles are so. I, I definitely think that's a, an important step.
