YouTube Channel: @dothethingformula

I do really believe 100% from every part of me that everyone has the capacity to be able to do the things that they want and not to be held back by the mental baggage that's in our head that we want to push through.

Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. In each episode, we get down and personal with people who go after the things they want to make all their wildest dreams come true. Join us as we unveil and dissect a formula for what it takes to do the thing. Here is your host, Stacy Lauren.

Hey, everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacy Lauren. So I have a repeat do the thing favorite, Dr. Nancy DeAndrade, who is here again. She is a holistic Coach with a PhD in clinical psychology, and she is my go to person for all of the do the Thing, do the Thing things. And I have been entertaining the concept of adding a piece to the formula. And I was trying to figure out what to do, and then, lo and behold, Dr. Nancy's image came to me and I said, I need to talk to her about it and explore this. This concept and see if we're gonna. If we're gonna incorporate it, and if not, how we can incorporate it into the formula.

So.

Hi, Nancy.

Hello. We're bringing in the Zen in the formula. I love it.

I love it. Yeah. So. So this has been really interesting because one of the things that I really love about doing these interviews and the podcast is just being able to talk to, like, all different people doing all kinds of things, and getting to see those common parallels between all of the things, whether it's starting a business, a new relationship, traveling the world, I mean, whatever they're doing, and then seeing that these patterns are similar, you know, among them. And so one of the patterns that has been coming up has been the concept of surrender. And I feel like this is such a huge topic and why I wanted to talk through this with you because, number one, I want to be sensitive to people because everyone has different beliefs on the concept of surrender with God, universe, whatever their beliefs are, you know, and so I want to be sensitive to that. And then also there's all sides of the spectrum with surrender, you know, with people that will pray before they make a move, there's other people that surrender to the universe. And anyway, I just wanted to make sure that we can kind of like talk through it and make sure that we're able to.

Approach it from a perspective of what would be something that, like, really anyone can resonate with based on different experiences, if that makes sense.

Yeah. Yeah. I like that you are thinking about surrendering in the spiritual sense, because that is sort of like aligning. But if we really looked at the definition of surrendering.

Imagine you're at war and you surrender, right? What you do is you abandon whatever efforts you were doing. And so in that basic definition, surrendering is the opposite of resistance. So when you're thinking, I am resisting, I am not surrendering. I am resisting what is. I am not accepting what is. Therefore, I'm not surrendered. What most people think is, I give up. And that is not what surrendering is. Surrendering is not like, fine, do whatever you want. I give up. That's not what it means. Surrendering means allowing. It means aligning. It means creating this relaxation in your energy, in your mind, where you release attachments to the way you believe things should go, the way that you believe the outcome should turn out. So is surrendering is. Is sort of like allowing and letting. Letting be. Letting it be.

You can continue.

Creating, but when you actually surrender, I want you to imagine.

That you are allowing yourself to float in a river. You are surrendering to the river. Giving up would say, I'm not gonna even float. I'm just gonna drown. That's what I'm gonna do. And that's not what surrendering is. Surrendering is allowing the river to take you in that flow. And in the flow, manifestation happens, because in that flow, you are just so aligned with what. What life has to bring you that now serendipity is happening and manifestations and things are start to. To come to you because you are not attaching to something. You're not holding on, that it has to be a certain way, but you are allowing things to happen.

Yeah.

So it's interesting that you say that because that's something I've been noticing more now than I think I've ever noticed. It is just these, like, messages from the universe. I mean, I've never seen it the way that I've seen it now. And this might sound crazy to some of you that are like, what is she even talking about? But I'm telling. It's like, the weirdest thing. It's. I think, because my theory is. Is because finally I've learned how to. And I'm not saying I'm perfect at all, but, like, I've learned how to do better at managing my emotions, and I have more space now in my. I don't know if it's your brain or your mind or whatever it is, but I have More space in my mind now to see these things. And so, like, yesterday, even going for a walk with a friend of Min. And earlier that morning, I was like, man, I really need to interview someone that travels the world because I really want to talk to someone that is living a nomadic lifestyle, because that is definitely doing the thing is being able to release all of those attachments, you know, to where you live even, and go wherever you feel like going. And I literally said that that morning. And then my friend who was coming over, I think a few hours after I said that, just to myself I said it, she was coming over a few hours after that, she texted me and asked me if she could bring a friend of hers to the walk. And lo and behold, this girl.

Travels the world. Like, she was just in Bali for a couple years, and now she's figuring out where she wants to go next. She thinks she wants to go somewhere in Mexico. And so anyway, it's like I was like, oh, hello. Thank you. Yes, here you are. And so. And then I had really crazier thing happen today where the. He's actually Ross. One of the episodes on my podcast, I interviewed the attorney that helped me exit my business, and he was advising me, like, that it wasn't a good idea to go to this retreat in Colorado because I was in such, like, right in the middle of the exit, and I just had to go. I needed to, like, break away from everything going on because it was very. It was a very weird time for me. And I still went. And that retreat was when I had met Genesis, who, you know, through the done and got introduced to. To her and that concept, and then also authentic relating that concept. And then Ross is actually in the middle of writing a book, a fiction book. And this. His concept of his book is similar to what that retreat in Colorado that I went to. And I am actually going to connect him now to them. And it was like I was like, oh, my gosh, like, what is happening? You know, and it's just been, like, really, really, really interesting and just being able to, like, fall into it. And it's kind of what I've been saying this whole time about this po. It's like the one thing I haven't had to fight against. Everything has been really effortless. And I'm just wondering if that's part of this flow that I. That I'm experiencing too.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And it's the flow is this, like, magical place where you feel like you are educated enough or you feel like you have the Resources to perform.

And you're not necessarily bored about it. It's just, like, enough challenge and enough ease right there. And so what that creates is this momentum of ease in your life. I love, love, love when things like this happen, because what you are really doing is tapping into that consciousness. What you're doing is becoming aware of how everything works out for you in your favor. That's what you're doing. Because you're not so busy in your mind. Your mind is not so full of stuff. You are actually able to see how opportunities are presented to you. And you're also surrendering to the next and the next and the next. Like the friend saying, like, hey, can I bring a friend over? If your mind was busy, you would be like, no, I'm just like, no, can I be just the two of us? And. But you were relaxed into the time, and you allow the opportunity to present itself. And that happens so often, so much. I remember I was driving and I closed the trunk of my car, and then the other door was open, so I had to get out of the car. And I'm like, I have to get out of the car and go close the door. Because for some reason, it wasn't closing from the inside. But when I walked around, that's when I realized, oh, my trunk was still open, which I would have driven. You know, maybe the car would have told me later on, but to me, so many little things happen, and I'm paying attention. I'm saying, wow, thank you. If it wasn't because of that, I wouldn't have seen this. If it wasn't because of this, I wouldn't have seen that. So this little serendipitous moments are there to protect you and care for you. Like, how many times have you driven and then you stop and you take a little longer, and then when you are about to go, a car comes flying by and save your life. You know that second, those moments, if you are in control 100% of the time, if you are constricted and attached to how things should be, then you are not allowing the universe to show you the way to. To show you the many opportunities that are there for you to flow, to just float in life.

So I have so many questions.

Yes.

Okay. Okay. So, okay, here's one question is when you're not attached to an outcome, but then you're doing that, like, because I've done that before, I've done these affirmations of me in the present tense, but it's me in the future. Is, am I Still not being attached to an outcome. Like, I'm making that. Like, I remember even when I was exiting my business, it was like, I am exiting my. I'm free of my business and I'm moving into new possibilities and opportunities, whatever it was that I was doing, you know, like, and then when I manifested even my boyfriend, you know, where I wrote down a list of everything that I was looking for in a partner and everything that we would do together. And literally I met him like, I mean, I don't even know maybe a month or two months after that. So like, what is the difference of how is that. And I wasn't attached to the outcome with that list, now that I'm thinking about it. But with the, the statement for the business thing, I was. So how do you kind of distinguish between that?

Yeah, that's a great question. When you.

When you're feeling attached, what it means is that you have fear. If that doesn't happen, then something bad is going to happen. And so you have fear behind the attachment. It has to be this way. But when you state your desire and you state that desire from the feeling of abundance, the feeling of love, love, the feeling of possibilities, then you are surrendering that to the universe to give it to you in whatever form it comes. Because what you're asking is, is that feeling. You're not asking from fear, you're asking from possibilities and alignment and allowing. So asking about the ideal person for you. This is how I want to feel. This is where I want to travel. Because this makes me so happy. This is how I envision myself and imagine in that sensation. You didn't describe him necessarily. Like physically. It was more the feeling around what you wanted. If you notice when you try to create an outcome or wish for an outcome based on fear, things don't go as planned. And what you're doing is forcing it to be a certain way to bring you ease versus coming from ease already and letting the universe know this is how I want to feel. Show me, show me how I can get that. And, and you didn't say okay, if I get it, awesome. If I don't get it, that's fine too. I'm okay regardless. I'm okay. But when it comes to, for example, selling your business, gosh, certain things have to happen, right? And certain timelines need to be met. But the truth is, is that you are not in control. All you can do is put your energy into that. You can't force things to happen. You can't force another person to behave a certain way you can't force. You know things. What you can do is surrender. This is what I wish it would happen. This is the outcome that I wish would happen based on my knowingness how the universe has my back and loves me. And we'll see what happens. We'll see. You let go, you release.

So do you think a good visual would be the river kind of you floating in the river. Would that be a good practice to do? That's what I'm picturing right now, yes.

So I would say.

If you are, let's take the example of manifesting a loving relationship.

Imagine how you would like to feel and pay attention if your feelings are coming from well, I don't want to feel lonely, I don't want to feel bored. I don't want. If you're focusing on I want this because I'm bored, I want this because I'm lonely, then your entire focus is on this. And you're really not releasing. You are just focused on what you don't have. Hey, universe, God, life. You're not giving me this. Did you notice? This is not what you're giving me. And so what I would say is.

Notice what you desire. Let's say that you want a loving partnership that you get to enjoy life with. So feel what it will feel like to have that. What would that feel? It would feel easy and fun and.

Just. I would admire so many things and enjoy life so much. And so what you need to do is create that vibration to match what you desire. Meaning start doing things that make you feel fulfilled. Start doing things that make you feel like you are admiring a sunset, a sunrise. Do things that start vibrating that from that abundance and you will attract the same someone that enjoys those same things, someone that matches that vibration for you. So that's what I mean by that. And so imagining how you wish to feel and then doing things unrelated to relationship, do things that make you feel that way. I want to feel like I'm enjoying life. Go enjoy life. Don't wait for a partner. Go enjoy life. I want to feel love. Get a puppy.

So do those things and fill yourself up so you find someone that matches those vibrations.

What about when it comes to loss.

And surrender?

When people try to suppress their emotions, they're missing information. And in loss, you also have to experience grief. Grief is part of the process of releasing the attachment. When we have worked on a business for a long time or we have had a relationship for a while that we were attached to, or we experienced the loss of a loved one or you know, pets included. What we are experiencing is the pain of not having that person in the future again, the pain of not having the business, the pain of not, you know, so we are sort of grieving for what we won't have. So surrendering comes in in terms of instead of wishing things were different, instead of like, well, maybe I should get the business back, maybe I should get the boyfriend back, maybe I should try to, like, sue the company to, you know, whatever, whatever. Instead of.

Creating resistance, surrendering means is, oh, this hurts. This really hurts. The loss of this really hurts. And I need to be in this feeling, not pretend I don't have them, not try to soothe them quickly or numb them. I need to be in this feeling. So being in this feeling is surrendering to that. And this is where the imagery of being in a river may work better, where you are allowing yourself to feel the sorrow and take that. Let the sorrow take you and let yourself feel the sorrow in your body. I'm not saying spend every day, all day long in sorrow, you know, book some time to feel that feeling, but don't resist it. Just allow yourself to be in that sorrow. Surrender to your pain and allow your pain, because your pain is valid. You put a lot of love, effort, energy into these experiences. And so for you to just pretend like, okay, we're done, that doesn't show the love that you put. Now, we do get attached to jobs, we do get attached to an identity, we get attached to people, to our pets. And that's part of being a human person. And so releasing attachment is understanding that the things evolve. It's sort of like if the river is taking you down and the river takes a turn, you're not going to be mad at the river for not staying straight. You know, you take the turn with the river and you allow the river to take you. So life has also those turns. Surrendering is allowing those turns to be okay without you resisting every step of the way.

So what happens when you're making a decision and you're feeling that resistance?

And. But.

But then maybe the. The you're. The resistance is coming from it not being the best decision for you. Like, how do you know it's coming from your alignment, you know, and. And also.

Yeah, you know, in terms of that surrender, I don't know if that makes sense. That question makes sense.

Yeah. Yeah. So.

Your gut usually tells you when something is right or wrong. A lot of people feel it in their stomach when something is off. They feel it very strongly. Some people feel it in their Chest. Some people feel it in their heads. So connect to your body. That's the first, the first signal when you're making a decision and something feels off in your body. Listen to your body and stop for a moment.

The next thing that I would suggest is you ask yourself, why am I feeling this way? This doesn't feel like it's flowing. This doesn't feel good. Why? You ask yourself that question. Why am I feeling this way? Am I scared? Am I regretting this decision? Do I feel bad for the other person? Do I feel bad for me? Get to know you in that, in your emotions is information. And I've said that before, but it's worth repeating. In your emotion there is information. So tap into your emotions and perhaps you are about to make a decision based on bitterness. Like, you know, f this person or whatever, you perhaps are making a decision based on fear or not thinking very highly of yourself, doubting yourself. So notice why you're making those decisions because that decision won't feel good if you're not in alignment. Period. Now if you are in alignment and you're making a decision that it is in your highest interest, perhaps you feel a little guilt and so notice that and soothe yourself in that guilt, knowing that sometimes setting boundaries makes you feel a little guilty, but it's the best thing for you. So to me, aligning means that you take into consideration your emotions, your feelings, your desires, what your body's telling you, your intuition, like really getting to know yourself. So you make those decisions based on what feels right for you. A lot of business entrepreneurs and high achievers, they meditate, they use meditation is to calm and quiet the mind because the mind is going to tell them all kinds of reasons and like, oh, you should do this and da da da da. But they quiet the mind so they can listen to their body, so they can listen to their intuition. So surrendering means that you surrender what the mind is thinking and you surrender into the wisdom of your body, into the calmness of your emotions. And from that calmness and knowing that everything is okay, then you make a decision.

How do you distinguish between like when your body is telling you it's scared, like it's, it's not the right decision versus you're scared to do it or it's just coming something outside of your comfort zone. And actually I think I've talked to you about this before. Now that I'm thinking about, I want to re. Listen to that episode. That whole action cures fear was like literally my mantra, you know, in college When I was going door to door and I was definitely not listening to my body.

And so I'm just wondering. But I also wasn't really connected to my body until recently. So I don't. I'm just wondering how can. How can that help someone too?

Yeah. So some people wonder, when do I know if it's my intuition or if it's like my thinking, my emotion and whatever.

When you meditate, you calm your mind, you calm your emotions. And when your emotions are calm, then you can feel the truth of your decisions. When you are in an emotional turmoil, your decisions are all scrambled. And so if you. Let's say that you are about to do something that is beyond your comfort zone and you are feeling scared. So notice that. Notice. What am I feeling? I am freaking out. Why? Why am I scared? Because I don't want to do it. Why not? Because they're going to reject me or I'm going to embarrass myself. Okay. Now do you feel safer staying the same? Staying here, not doing that? No, I want to push myself. Okay. So what can you do to move through this fear? Well, I acknowledge that I have fear. Encourage means that I'm going to do it despite the fear that I'm experiencing. And so once you acknowledge that, that's creating awareness for you. It's as if someone heard you, someone heard you and said you're scared. I know they're going to reject you. Possibly you're going to do it still. Okay, cool, let's do it. So it is seen. Being seen is the most important thing. Let's say that it's not a good decision. You know, you can feel it in you in a different way. You say, I'm scared. Why are you scared?

I don't know. It's like it feels like I shouldn't be doing it. Why not?

Just doesn't feel right. So your emotions will tell you that it's a very different feeling. It's not the little child hiding, saying like, they're gonna. They're gonna make fun of me. Is this knowingness. And the knowingness feels more certain, more.

I want to say content, but it's not content. It's like, it's just calmer. It's not this like, I'm scared or like, yay, I'm happy. Is this like, I don't know, there's something there? And you don't have to know. You just have to feel like that's not right. And that feels solid to me. So that's where you can differentiate by Talking to yourself by getting to know yourself. As you keep talking and talking and talking to yourself, you'll start noticing faster. You'll be like, oh, why don't I want to do that? Oh, because I'm freaking out, of course, because they're going to reject me and like, you know immediately why. And then you'll start identifying too, like, why don't I want to do it? Oh, I don't know. It doesn't feel right. Okay, I'm going to honor that. I'm going to step away and not do it and wait. Life is not going to end. I'm going to wait.

Yeah, so actually this is really great because I've been trying to figure out where that kind of that, that getting to know yourself and the self reflection and the alignment goes within the formula, you know, for the do the thing formula. And it sounds like it's going to go under that surrender piece. Because in order to really surrender in the way that you want to, to have that flow, then you need to know yourself and you need to be in. Not need. That's the wrong word, probably. But you want to be in alignment. You want to get to know yourself. So is that. Do you think that would be right?

Absolutely. Absolutely. Surrendering is awareness. Without awareness that that's not going to happen. If you are blindly in autopilot, you're not going to be able to surrender. You're not going to listen to anything. You're just autopilot, wake up in the morning, do the same thing, go to bed, repeat, you know, that's not awareness.

And how do you. Can you distinguish again between the giving up versus the surrender? How do you distinguish between the two?

Yeah, so surrendering doesn't mean that you don't.

Do the thing, that you don't act on things. What you do is you sort of wait for the guidance, your inner guidance, spirit's guidance. The giving up means that you're angry and that you are. You are not happy with the results or what you know, you are saying, like, fine, I don't have control. Okay, fine, I give up. You know what, like when you tell a child, like, okay, fine, you know, I put your clothes on, right? Fine, go naked. I don't care. It's not caring anymore. Surrendering is okay. What do you want to do? Let's see if we can find another way. It doesn't mean that you let go of the outcome. Or like you say, like, okay, I better not, I better be okay with this child going naked to school. It's more about how can we find another way? How can I go with the flow? Perhaps the child doesn't want to go naked. Perhaps the child wanted to wear something else. And so surrender means that, all right, I'm going to let go of my preconceived notions of how things should be, and I'm going to pay attention to what's showing up for me.

All right, I'm ready. Let's go. Show me.

And then what about the people that are. Because I know everyone has different terms between God, universe, and then some people pray before they do make decisions, like, how is that all connected to each other?

I would say that surrendering is not necessarily religious or spiritual. When people go to war, they don't necessarily consider surrendering as a spiritual attitude or belief. If you integrate spirituality into the sense of surrender, then that's something beautiful to add, but it's not necessarily attached to anything spiritual at all. Some people go through NA meetings, AA meetings, anonymous meetings, and one of the requests of not requests, but one of the steps is surrendering, surrendering to God's will. But that doesn't have to be the case. When you are operating in the world. If you don't believe in God or the universe or anything like that, you can still surrender. You can surrender to the flow of life. You can surrender to not have to not being right. You can surrender to not having control of everything every time. So you can add the spirituality piece if you wish, but it really doesn't have anything to do with spirituality. It's just a beautiful addition if you want to add it.

I like the concept of surrendering to the flow of life, and then they're able to incorporate whatever their own beliefs are with that.

Yeah.

Yeah, I like that. Okay. And then I had one other. One other question. You were talking about this earlier where, you know how, like, we all have stories, right? Like, so Adam, the one that created this podcast platform, he has dyslexia. And we talked about it on his episode, and it's really stuck with me because I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing right now if he did not have dyslexia. Because he's the one. He created this platform because of the dyslexia. It was hard for him to read when he was younger. He got really interested in hearing. I think it was npr his mom would listen to while he was being driven around by her. And then that's what kind of inspired him to create the platform. Lo and behold, then I decided to do lightly. Decided to do the podcast but he was the one that pushed me over to do it. And he's the one that I talk to sometimes to explain, explore ideas. And so that whole concept is crazy to me, you know, because it's like if he would have taken that story or that whatever label, you know, differently and didn't do what he did with it, then my whole trajectory would change. And I just thought I would mention that just to see where that fits in.

Yeah. My personal belief is that.

You are meant to.

Do what you're meant to do. You either take a shortcut or the long cut, you know, but you're going to do what you're going to do. And there are people in your life that facilitate the shortcuts for you. So it's so much better when you can actually be led by life, by your intuition, by your gut feeling. And that makes your life a lot easier, rather than resisting and adding another loop to your road, to your journey, because you're resisting the flow. And I think that when people come into your life at the perfect moment, it's like divinely orchestrated. It's up to you to take that. It's up to you to say, oh, wow, I just met this person. You could have met Adam, and be like, oh, okay, yeah, peace out. Yeah, whatever. I'm not gonna do that, or I'm not going to do with you. But there was something in that encounter that felt right. And you followed that. You were floating with that, and you said, this feels right. And you follow that, surrendering into what's being developed into this amazing inspiring podcast that you're creating. This is flowing so well. And you know, you know when you're floating, you know, when you're surrendering, when you're in the flow, because it's like showered of ideas, you know, shower of ideas, ideas that you're getting all the time. And like, oh, my gosh. And look, there's no resistance in this way. And this is other. This other thing is happening, and there's no resistance here either. That is a flow. That is surrender right there. What experience. Yeah.

Well, thank you so much. This was great. So, I mean, a lot. This was so good.

My pleasure. Thank you. I'm so glad. My pleasure. My pleasure. Bye. I will talk to you soon. Bye. Okay, bye.

Thanks for listening to the do the Thing podcast. We hope you enjoyed the show. But even more, we hope you'll be inspired to do the thing. Do you have a burning question on doing the Thing that you'd like answered? How about an inspiring do the Thing story of your own that you'd like to share. We'd love to hear all about it. Just leave us a voicemail message at do the Thing callcast co or email us at hello do the Thing podcast dot com.