I Earned My Doctorate After Losing My Son

I thought it would be cool to be called a doctor. I'm like, oh, I could definitely do this. But I remember telling myself that, like, after I graduated with my master's degree in theology, I was just like, yeah, this is it. I'm not going back to school. But then I talked to one of my classmates and he was telling me how the professor had reached out to him about a new program that we're starting at Oral Roberts University. So I was like, oh, that would be cool. Go for it. You know, I was encouraging him to do it. It wasn't necessarily something that I wanted to pursue at all. I don't know. I just had like a prompting to go and do it. I'm like, okay, instead of me just sitting around doing nothing, I have this time on my hands, so let me just go ahead and just try it out. It'd be cool to be called a doctor, not knowing that that was the path and the journey that God wanted me to walk on, not knowing that things were unfolding for the will of God for my life and the purpose of God for my life. So I went into the program just thinking, just gonna learn about leadership. I didn't think that I would be taught like different frameworks and things and how to navigate systems and how to like set up system structures organizations. I had no clue what I was getting into. I applied, had a meeting with a couple of the staff, like the professors, and they asked me questions and things like that. Why do I want to do it? And I was just like, I want to do something different. I just want to try. And they're like, we think you'll be a good candidate for this. You should go ahead and do it. And at that time, I had just graduated with my master's degree. So I was just like, you know what, I don't think I can go straight into this. It's going to be too much. I just had a long stretch of work that I had to do, thesis, all that. I was like, you know what, I'll wait 4 months and I'll see if by January if I want to do it. So I ended up applying, I ended up getting to the program, and then my first class I noticed how my classes would align with my regular life. So I was a Sunday school teacher at the time. We were developing sermons and curriculums and stuff for the kids to learn from, and at that time one of the first classes that I had was developing curriculum. So I said, oh, that's strange. And then I started noticing that every class that I would have, it would align with something I'm doing in my life, and I'm like, this is strange. So my son passed away in October, October 18th, and the next month, November, was the month that we had off to start, you know, doing our research, just going through all the work that we're supposed to do for the research, gathering our information, gathering our references and things of that nature. And I lost my son, and I'm just like, how am I going to get through this last lap? Like, what does it take for us, a person, to like overcome this? And before I get into this, I remember 2 weeks before my son died, I had a recollection, and it was basically me understanding why my son came into my life. And at this point of time, he's alive, remember. 2 weeks before he died, I understood for the first time why God allowed him to come into my life. I think God was like, okay, now that she understands her son's purpose, I'm able to take him. My professors were so surprised to see me in class the week after my son died. I don't know, something clicked in my mind, like if you don't hold on to the steering wheel as a car is moving, you're going to lose control. So one thing I told myself was Although this is painful, although my heart is bleeding right now, one thing I have to promise to do is to make it to the end. Because if I truly believe that God sent my son in my life to correct the path that I'm on, then that means I have to stay the course for him. So I said, I'm going to pick up, I'm going to dry my tears, and I'm going to keep going. So the next week I came into class and my professors were looking at me like, is this girl okay? Like, why is she in class? And I just sat there. I cried because it was fresh. But one thing that my professor, one of my professors said to me, she was like, wow. You're doing this for your son, huh? And all I did was shake my head yes. And she was just like, just know that the choice that you just made is going to be the reason why you pull through. And you'll be able to tell the story. Hence, I'm here telling the story. So after that, all my classmates, they gathered around me. They became my family. They sent me things. They would call me along the way, just encourage me. And so many things happened to each of the colleagues. One thing I want to say is when you're pursuing something great in life, there will always be something to resist you, but your ability to resist the resistance is what will get you to the finish line. So a lot of them on graduation day, they were like, thank you so much, thank you. But I'm like, thank you, you guys would call on me, check on me and stuff like that. So having a community, having a tribe like we do here, I feel like is very necessary for your progression. You can't do it alone. That's, that's the key. You need a group of people around you, potentially a coach sometimes as well, to get you through these moments. Towards the end, another thing happened me, and I was just like, is it over yet? A week before I was supposed to hand in my dissertation, my computer has never failed me. My computer completely blacked out. I went to Apple, the computer store. They couldn't even get it to connect to their internet. I'm like, this has never happened to my computer. I don't know what's going on, but my dissertation is due next week and I can't afford to get another computer right now. You guys have to do something, like something. Maybe take it apart, put it together, see if it comes back on. But they're like, they did all that. They took it apart, they put it together, Tried to connect it to the internet. Now, you know, most of the time when you take your computer to Apple, they're able to fix your problem. But they said, no, this is going to be a headquarters thing. I said, what? Did you guys hear me? I said, my dissertation is due next week. Not next week all the way on Friday, but next week on Sunday. And it's Wednesday right now. So I have a couple days to get it together because they're just like, we can't do anything. We'll try to put a note in there, but most likely we have to follow protocol. And he said, here's how it's going to go. He said, we're going to send your computer. I said, well, can you give me like a makeshift one or something? He was like, yeah, we could, but you're gonna have to pay the full price of another one. I said, I do not have that right now. So he said, this is what's gonna happen. We're gonna send your computer out and it takes 5 to 10 days for them to examine it, make sure there's no water damage or anything, make sure that you didn't inflict any harm on the computer. Because once we are able to determine that you didn't do anything to the computer and it failed by itself, then we can send you a completely free one, an upgraded version, because we don't carry this version anymore. That's how long I had it and it didn't fail. 5 5 years. I said, okay. And then I remembered I have my son's laptop at the house, so I had to pull up Cloud on my son's iPad, and I had to begin to type my dissertation on my son's iPad. Now imagine, the iPad does not have the same features as a computer. So I'm just like, I don't know how I'm gonna do this, but I'm gonna get it together. I had to reach out to my professor, say, look, this is what's going on. And she was like, okay, if you need the extra time, we can give it to you. But I was determined. I was just like, no. So I ended up sending my laptop back because they sent it to me fairly quickly. I think within 24 hours they sent me the to send it back to them. I sent it back, and can you believe, within 24 hours they sent me my new computer. Something that's supposed to take 5 to 10 days for them to do, they did within 24 hours of receiving my computer. So it got to me, got it together, set it up, opened up iCloud, transferred all my documents, and then had to like fix a couple things. It was due on Sunday. I handed it in between the hours of 11 and 12. You know, the latest time was 11:59 for us to hand it in. So between 11 and 12, I handed in my dissertation. There was a time where I was just like, you know what, I think I should just hold off on this degree. I don't I don't know. So I called one of my classmates that had graduated in the first graduating class, and like, she encouraged me. She was like, I think you're thinking too much into this. She was like, just calm down. I started crying because you imagine all the things that are going on. My son just passed away. I have to do this work to try to get over this last lap. I have 6 months left to graduate, and she's just like, you know what, calm down. She was like, you're gonna make it through, I promise you. She was like, everyone goes through this moment. So I encourage you, if you're going through this moment, everyone goes through this moment where you're just like, I don't know if I could do this. Should I quit? Should I hold off? But no, just keep going. Just give it all you The hardest academic challenge was keeping my mind. We all know that in order for you to do any type of research, you have to have your mind together. So it's just like, how do I keep my mind in a place where I don't fall into depression? You need a level of enthusiasm to do work, but because my work was aligned with my purpose, that gave me what I needed to keep going. I was excited about my research. It was bittersweet. The loss of my son was bitter, but sweet in the fact that I was pursuing my degree. But there were times where I had to shift my mind into a certain gear and focus on my research because there were times where I would entertain certain thoughts like, oh, your son is not here with you anymore. Like, you're by yourself in the house. You're not married. Who are you going through this with? But then I would nip it in the butt and be like, no, remember, he served his purpose. He came here for what I needed to get done for God. He accomplished the goal that God set him for. Now I have to accomplish mine. So I'd shift my mind again. And every time I thought about it, I would just say, God help me. God help God help me through this. As many times as I had to say it, I said it. Help me through this. Help me through this. God help me. Finally, there will be times where I was able to like come online sometimes and I would encourage people like, oh, if you're in a state of grief, that was an outlet too, encouraging other people that are going through the same thing to the point where there are two women in my church that actually came up to me and they're like, oh, we watch your videos because they were in a state of depression because they also lost children. One of them was a teenager and the other woman had lost a baby. He was in the hospital for like a year on breathing tubes and everything. And their countenance, you could just tell it was DAR. There were a bunch of topics that we could pick from. I picked business startup. Now, it's not your typical business, but it's an institution. It's called Envisioning Her Excel Institute, and it's basically a leadership and coaching business for women that want to grow in their identity, that want to build their leadership capacity, that want to grow in their impact and influence specifically to advance the kingdom of God. Because I came across a scripture in the book of Zechariah 1:17, and I'm just paraphrasing it, but Jesus said, by prosperity— I don't want to mistake this for prosperity 'gospel' because that's not what it is. But he said, 'By prosperity shall my kingdom be spread abroad,' meaning that it will take a certain level of your influence, building leadership capacity, in order for you to spread the good news. So my main purpose for developing this institution was to give back, and not only just give back— what can I do to build the women as well? You could bring a person a fish, or you can teach them how to fish. Which one is more sustainable for their well-being? So it's not that I want I just give out money, but how do I build their identity so they understand who they are? How do we build their leadership capacity so they understand what their purpose is? And then how do we build their impact and influence so that they can in turn also advance the kingdom and reach back to the people that are in need as well? So my three pillars are based on this. I said to myself, like, okay, how can this be different? This is where the research comes in. So I started to research. I'm like, okay, a lot of people have coaching businesses and things of that nature, but how can I make my difference? So as I began my research, I noticed that there's not a lot faith-based frameworks that support this kind of model. So I developed a model called the Excelis model, and I have it in my book. I don't know if you can see it, but I developed this model called the Excelis model because it's Christian-based. I wanted to build my pillars based on examples of women who serve as archetypes so that then we can produce a prototype of this archetype. But what this means is that who are the women that act as an example in the word of God that I can truly gain characteristics from to teach women. So in doing that, I discovered Proverbs 31 woman. She was enterprising. She knew how to take care of her household. She knew how to take care of her husband. She prayed. So I took that and I said, this is how we're going to build it in our infrastructure. Then I went to the 3 women that supported Jesus in their ministry because they used their own substance to produce wealth to fund the kingdom of God. So these were women that actually went and did what it is that aligns with what I wanted to do in my business. So I took the 3 women, Susanna, Joanna, Mary Magdalene, and I took their personalities, and I took the things that they did and I developed the framework. And then we have Lydia, who was a businesswoman. In my Excel Institute, we have a business portion of it where we teach women to develop their businesses. So we start from the ground, develop their business plan, teach them how to develop the business along the way, how to scale their businesses so that they're prepared to fund the kingdom of God. Obviously take care of their own household like the Proverbs 31 woman, but also how do you reach back back. So I kind of made it like a cycle where you don't leave them on their own after you teach them leadership, you don't leave them on their own after you teach identity. Because in my research, what I found is that these programs are great, but it was not all-encompassing. And then also, it didn't focus on the Christian aspect that I wanted. So I said, okay, this is what's missing in this body of research. Because as we all know, as doctoral students, we're, we're adding to a body of work, we're building upon what has already been built, and then we're adding whatever it is that we discover newly to that body of work. So I said, okay, this will be my portion.. So that's what I developed in order to complete my research. And Envisioning Her Excel Institute will be launching in 2027. Right now I'm just in my preparatory phase, putting my curriculum together, getting my books published so that each pillar has a book that they're actually able to glean from. And then it has my framework in this one for internal infrastructure, dealing with identity. My next book, Power Trip, coming out on the 28th, is dealing with now— now that we know how to deal with our infrastructure. I'm not just teaching you how to build your business, but now how do you navigate the What do you need in order for your business to be successful? So what Power Trip, my book Power Trip, focuses on is leadership capacity. How do you truly develop the leadership capacity that you need to sustain the building? So I take them through the historical aspect of Rome. We know that Rome had pillars. Rome was one of the greatest empires that we see, but what caused Rome to fall? So we look at their development, and one of the things that I found in my research, my personal research of Rome, is that they built roads. Roads first. So they had gold. So I use their roads as a representation of goals because in order for you to build any type of infrastructure, you need gold. So they built roads first and that's what added to their level of expansion. That's how they gained commerce. That's how they were able to trade. So I take all those different pillars and I basically express like, this is how they fell, this is how they sustained, this is how they ran their organization. And now how can you translate this to run your own organization? What are the capabilities that you have already that are in place to sustain the model of business that you're running. How does it align? So I'm not only teaching them about their identity, I'm not only teaching them about leadership capacity, but I'm teaching them about how to actually run a sustainable business. We're not just going to let you go and say, prove it, like, do it yourself. No, we're going to teach you, in order to have this type of business, you need this capability. If you have this capability, more than likely you're going to be successful in this area because you have what it takes to sustain the structure of the building that you're building. You have the blueprint. I work with Dr. Tippins Ph.D. This is one of the pivotal things that I did not mention yet. And one thing you have to realize is that you need to know when you need help. I was at a place where, okay, I have the structure of my research, I developed quite a bit of it, but now it's pulling it together and I need some sort of expertise. Like, I need somebody that has already done this before to help me to get through it. Because like I said, I had lost my son and I was doing it on my own. I was getting encouragement from my colleagues, but I I need someone more personal, like a one-on-one. Like, I need, I need somebody to coach me through this. So I remember I had saved Dr. Tippins Ph.D.'s, I think it's his page on Facebook. And this was before I even knew that I wanted to pursue my doctorate degree. I just took an interest in it because I'm like, oh, this is cool. I never saw this type of coach before, specifically like for people that are getting their PhDs and doctorates. I was like, oh, it'd be cool to like, you know, just to save it. Like, I didn't think that I was going to go to school to become a doctor. I just thought it was cool. Like, what he was doing was cool. Cool. And that was it. So I remembered I saved this guy's stuff. So I was like, you know what, let me search through my saved, like all my saved stuff. And I came across it. And then because I clicked on it, I started seeing his ads again. So I said, okay, let me reach out to him on Instagram. I didn't even like sign up on whatever it was. I reached out to him on Instagram and I was like, look, Dr. Tippins Ph.D., this is what I'm going through, but I need like more like a one-on-one type of thing. I'm good in group, but I need like more like a one-on-one type of thing. He said that he was going to have you reach out to me. So he reached out to me and I let him know like, look, I need like more like a one-on-one type of thing, which he was willing to do. He He was like, anytime you need to email me, email me, we'll get through it. Although I wasn't as active in the classes, I did attend them. I wasn't as active in the classes because I had to wrap my head around just focusing on my research. So I met with Dr. Tippins Ph.D. a couple times. We went through it line by line, like, this is what's going to work out for you, this one right here, I think you need to add this or that. And he was very helpful along the way, so, and very responsive. My whole experience with Dr. Tippins has been, it was pivotal. To be honest. It's what I really needed. I really, really, really needed it at the time, and I'm glad I came across the business, and I would definitely recommend him to people that are having a hard time. If you feel like you can't do it on your own, why not just hire someone that can help you? One of the things that Dr. Tippins Ph.D. really helped me with was my schedule because I didn't know where to start. I'm like, I have this research done, I have all this stuff done, but then I was telling him, these are my due dates, this and this and that. He said, so here's what we're going to do. Line by line, he said, on this date, this is due. So this is what you're going to do in order to meet that deadline. This is what you're going to do in order to meet the next deadline. So having that schedule in place gave me a rest of mind because I'm like, I don't have to do everything at once. I could just focus on this and then get that done. And that's what I did. And now I'm a doctor. So I was able to get through that hump. One of the things that working with Dr. Stevens did, I remember him saying, I don't know if it was you or him, but I think it was you actually. He was like, oh yeah, when you become a doctor, I want to interview you. And I was just like, I don't know if you remember, but I was like, oh, thank you for having that much faith in me. Because at that time I was just like, Am I going to make it? I remember asking Dr. Tippins during one of our meetings, I was like, do you really think I can do this? And he's like, yeah. He was like, it's going to be okay. He's like, you're going to get through this. And I was just like, that's exactly what I needed. Just to hear the words that I'm going to get through it. I said, okay, game face, I can do this, you know. But having a coach is necessary. And me as a coach, I don't know if I told you this, but I'm a doctor of strategic leadership, but focused specifically on leadership coaching. So I know the importance of having a coach. To people, it sounds like, oh, what do I need a coach when I can just set my own schedule? Because there are times where you need to be able to speak with the coach. Maybe you have a deadline coming up, maybe you need help to outline things, and for them to help you with certain deadlines. And then you also need their expertise. This is someone that has already gone through their doctoral research, somebody that sat on board like reading students' doctoral theses and research. So he knows what they look at, he knows what they need. So he would give you tips as well, like, okay, this might be not be as necessary, but I think you should include this in your paper. And that also helped along the way as well. So it's not just the fact that you have someone to set schedule, have someone to encourage you, but you also have someone who has gone through the process, so he knows what a good dissertation looks like. He knows what is missing in your research when he reads it right away. So it really helped. And one thing I will say, I didn't get any comment from any of my chairs. It was a one time and now done. That was it. Most people, they hand it in, they're like, oh, you might get comments back. I didn't get any comments at all. It was done. That was it. So thank you, Dr. Tippins Ph.D. I know he'll probably see this. I really appreciate and admire your help, and I'm a doctor now. Yeah, I would just say to the person that is pursuing their doctoral degree. Do not give up along the way. You've heard my whole story. You've heard the challenges that we went through. I know it seems crazy to say that, but challenges, the pain you go through, the obstacles that you face, they're all a culmination of events to produce the character that you need to sustain where you're going. That's what I would say. I am on LinkedIn, Yetunde Akinsuleire, Y-E-T-U-N-D-E, last name A-K-I-N-S-U-L-I-R-E. Find me on Amazon as well, same name. You'll see my books there. Instagram, @envisioningher. I also have my my publishing company, Excelus Edition House. You can find me there. But with that one, Envisioning Her, you can find everything else. Everything else is listed there. And if anyone needs any encouragement, I'm here. Just reach out to Dr. Tippins Ph.D. to be able to get you going. It took me having to listen to other people's stories to get through it as well. Reaching out to other colleagues that have already done it, it helped. Everything helped. Don't underestimate anything. Everything helped. Everything helped.