Firedance

Seems like it's working. We will see.

It's being live streamed. And now I'm going to. I'm going to record it. I'll start recording it in just a minute.

Any new messages, anything anybody wants to say?

Aye, aye, Captain.

It's working. Yeah, we will see.

It's being live streamed. Okay, now I'm going. I'm going to record it and start recording it in just a minute.

Oh.

Testing, 1, 2, 3, 4. So if I don't. It looks like if I don't have.

The YouTube on my screen, I'm not going to have to deal with that sound.

So we will see.

The live stream is working. I saw it running on the YouTube page and also want to acknowledge that today is Rosh Hashanah. As I said in chat.

Yeah. If we. If any of our. Any of our group here are of the tribe, I would not at all mind a quick discussion of what exactly Rosh Hashanah represents.

So I might ask that question in a bit. I'm going to start the recording.

This is the day.

The day of Atonement. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, honey.

It's okay. Welcome to.

That's not for 10 days.

No, it's not.

Welcome is Yom Kippur.

Oh, right.

Okay. Temporarily. I will give you an opportunity to teach us what. What this is all about.

But what I need.

I'm not sure I'm the best teacher for that, but it's okay.

It's okay.

And okay.

So welcome to Fire Dance.

And this is Stephen Barnes, the creator of the technology, and my lovely wife, Tananarive.

Due.

We're back in Los Angeles from Indianapolis. Tananariv. Hi. Say hi.

Hello.

Oh, where am I? There I am. Hello, everybody. Good to see everyone. Good to be here for the actual broadcast instead of traveling. I wanted to literally kiss everything in the house, including Steve, when I got home. I love being at home, so this is great.

It's really wonderful. And so the first thing we always.

Like to do is to unmute yourselves and say hi to everybody and give you their virtual high fives and just kind of get the energy up, because energy makes a great difference in how you can perform. So, yeah, hi.

It's great, and it's just wonderful to see everybody. And as always, if there's anything that we can do for you, please speak up.

The most important, basic aspect of what we're doing here is to breathe five times, at least five times a day, stop and take a breathing break. The next most important thing is the Creation of a morning ritual and where.

You are moving and simultaneously visualizing and chanting affirmations and remembering how much gratitude you have. It's the physical expression of the magic formula.

And it's arguable that the third thing.

Might be the concept of 1% of.

Slow and steady progress every week.

And I believe that you can improve 1% simply with one hour of conscious thought about how am I managing my life? How do I do this thing called navigating existence? So. Oh, no, it doesn't.

Okay, good. If that's true, then everything else that we're doing is sort of tied in there.

You're going to find that I'm thinking more about the most specific aspects of.

This because I'm transferring this knowledge base to my son. And it seems to me that I.

Can do it with three triangles, which I'm currently calling the fractal because it's triangles within triangles within triangles.

But the surface triangle is composed of three triangles. And one is body, emotions, mind, in.

Other words, physical health and fitness, relationships with yourself and others and your career, your hunting and gathering, your problem solving.

The second is the three gates, because the first one represents the space of human experience. The third represents how do we become.

The best kind of human?

Which for our purposes, I'm calling being.

An awake, aware, adult human being. And that's the three gates. Asking yourself before each word, before each action, is it true? Is it kind, Is it useful? The third, for right now, and I'm.

Looking at this and looking at this, and I can't swear that I'll still.

Be here in a year.

But right now it seems reasonable that.

The third triangle should be.

How do you take apart a goal.

That if you have.

If you look at body and say, you know, there is this thing that.

I want to improve with my body, there's this thing I want to improve in my relationships. Like for instance, the love feast. The 90 day love feast was an answer to a question that I had. How do I be a better husband? Because I believe that that answer also includes how do I be a better human being, better man? And so I went. And so the three questions are, what do you want? Let's say it's improve my relationships with my wife.

Why do I want it?

For greater love and passion.

And there's a very practical reason.

When the strike ends, we're going to.

Get swamped with work. And we have to be capable of. We have to be capable of moving.

Together as elegantly and powerfully as possible with as little friction as possible. To non Reeve doing her part, me doing my part. Each of us trusting each other, each of us moving together. And that meant that I needed to take care of some conflict stuff.

It's not a lot of conflict. T and I aren't faking how we.

Are with each other.

This really is how we are.

I really do love her that much.

But I'm not as good. What I realized was I'm not as good at expressing it.

I was still holding on to some fears and some angers from the past.

If I was holding on to anger.

Then I looked under the anger at the fear. And the fear had to do with not taking total responsibility for my own emotions. So the idea was, if I can become a better man, if I can take more responsibility for my emotions, then.

I can let Tananari be who she.

Is, this amazing woman, this, that God brought into my life, that is in my life. And I can let her be who she is in the way that she needs to be.

And by taking care of my own stuff, we get to live a life.

In greater harmony, which means that we get to act with greater amplitude. We get to move our career forward. That creates a better environment for my son and my daughter.

That creates better opportunities for my own health and fitness. So I've got every reason in the.

World to want to do this, including.

Simply making certain that Tananarib knows every.

Single day how much I absolutely love and adore her. And then if I have the what and the why, then that goes to the how. And the how is every day I'm going to place her above me in terms of.

What'S important.

And I realize that this is a.

Model of how people have been successfully.

Married for 20, 30, 40 years and more and are still passionate with each other, totally in love with each other. This is a model of how they act. And I realized that I didn't have that when I was growing up. I literally did not know what a healthy relationship was because my mother never got remarried.

So I didn't even have a chance.

To observe a bad relationship. Observing any relationship at least lets you push against it. I don't want to do that.

I like this, but I don't like that it was nothing. So I'm not ashamed of the mistakes that I made because they were inevitable.

But I can do better.

Now.

That's just an example in one area.

So the three centers, the three aspects.

Of what it is to be human.

Body, emotions, and mind. The three gates. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it useful?

And the Three questions.

What do you want? Why do you want it? How are you going to do it? My sense right now is that these three triangles contain everything that my son needs to live the life that he wants to live. I'm still experimenting with this. It has to be foundational. It has to be generative so that he can evolve spirituality and adapt to circumstances in whatever way that he needs to do.

The three questions are the most recent addition.

I was looking for the best energy and time management system I could find. I'm adapting this from the rapid planning method that Chloe Madonnas and Tony Robbins created. And I'm going into it myself so that I can make the adaptations and the modifications to make this something that is a family discipline.

So it's, you know, this is kind of the way I operate. You're watching me. You're watching me. In the process, there's certain of these.

Things that are well tested.

There's some of the things that I teach that have been. But see, take a look at it from this frame of reference. The how. I could take the magic formula. It connects to the morning ritual, but it's also part of the how Life writing, part of the how idea, part of the how magic formula, part of the how. These, the what and the why are very clear. And the how then becomes all of our techniques of time management and leveraging and so forth. But first, start with being really clear of what you want, really clear on.

What you want and why you want it. The idea being, if you have enough whys, the hows become easy in general. Everything that you've not been able to.

Motivate yourself to do in life is.

A matter of you didn't have enough whys. Okay, you could diminish the why nots, you could diminish the pains that are associated with it.

But the truth is that if you have enough motivation, you'll do it. The trick is to keep increasing your motivations to do it. Increasing the pain associated with not doing.

And finding ways to interrupt your pattern, and constantly associating the new behavior with your best and truest self.

So however that goes, and we keep investigating these things from multiple directions. And one of the things. But if it's improved by 1% per week, that's not bad. Because if you have a goal of.

Increasing by 1% per week physically and in terms of relationships and in terms.

Of your career, that's not a bad blanket thing. It's not so much that it's intimidating, but it is.

It is.

If you can improve by 1%.

If you can aim at improving by.

1%, if you can grasp that improving.

By 1% is enough, then you're on the path.

And to the degree that success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal, then just 1% per week will keep you on that path. And you'll be happy because you're making progress. It doesn't matter if you're not all the way there, as long as you understand that you don't have to be.

All the way there. What you have to do is constantly be feeling that you are more and more in touch with your deep self, your real self, the person that you actually are at the deepest level.

So one of the things that we'd like to do right now, before I get into the afternoon symposium, is find out how. That's right, people raise their hands and let's talk about what you've been doing the last week, and we can workshop it. We can talk about it. It could be that the questions will take up this entire time. That's okay, too.

We're still in the groove. We're in this place.

So, Tom Barkley first. And thank you very much, Tom, for stepping up.

Well, I'll talk about the week, but actually I had a question about what you were just talking about, about this development of the fractals and working on your.

Yeah, I'm looking for something for Jason that the lowest level of it is only three things, but the highest is nine things, three times three. And the human mind can handle seven plus or minus two pieces of information.

At a time generally.

So it's not beyond the window of what my son can juggle in his mind. But I want to keep it as simple as possible. So go ahead and ask whatever questions you want.

Well, I was wondering if you feel the level of trust between you and Tananarive, please jump in as. As you feel inclined. Do you feel the level of trust increasing in the course of doing this?

I mean, the love.

The love that is. That is such a great question, and I'm so glad you asked that, because if Steve hadn't called your name out, I was about to jump ahead of you in mine just because I wanted to talk a little bit more about the love feast. And that trust factor is very, very important, you know, because obviously Steve is a teacher and a guru, and of course, it benefits me to. To listen and to learn. But also, when you're in a relationship with someone, you can't always be in the listening and learning space. You have to know where you begin and they end. You have your own things to teach. And because Steve is very passionate about his feelings, there were times that I would misunderstand. Just sort of a passionate mood for being displeased with me for some reason, you know, or sometimes there were times he was displeased with me and it fel. Felt like big displeasure as opposed to little displeasure in my mind.

Thank you so much, honey.

Oh, well. So there's this defensiveness. You know, we've been married for 25 years, and I love you too, my darling. I know, but there's this defensiveness. And what is defensiveness? It's a wall. Right? Defensiveness is deflect, deny, deflect. It's. I'm not letting this input in because I think it's so biased that it's not based in a shared reality or whatever it is. You're different. And with the advent of the love Feast, and it's been incredible. I mean, starting with when we. We listen to the core course material. Yes, Tony Robbins is not my favorite, but I do think he did a good job with this particular course, making our list of priorities as people who are in this partnership, learning about each other that way, and then really going out of our way to just. For me to see through his eyes and to let go of the defensiveness, which. Back to your question, Tom, is all about trust. So the more you trust, that input is coming from that more enlightened self and not the injured child self. Right. Then you can trust the input on a different level and the defensiveness diminishes. I think you've seen it, right, Steve?

Oh, my God, yes.

Yes, absolutely.

It's just.

I tell you, it's so gratifying because, you know, I didn't want to be in control of you. I didn't want to. I didn't. I never thought I was above you.

I know.

I try to make it really clear, the areas in which I feel like.

You are so much better integrated than I am. I know, but it's many ways.

But see, this is the thing, everyone. What you see is this is who Steve is, and he has been a fixer, right? He's. He's been a fixer to the point that he has literally saved people's lives. So I've seen that. That fixing at work. But it also goes back to the old, you know, stand up comedy routine about men and women. Women want to be heard. Men just want to fix it. Like, instead of hearing saying, oh, I'm sorry, you feel sad. It's like, let's go do something, you know, and sometimes that is appropriate to go do something. In fact, most of the time, really, most of the time it probably is appropriate.

I've been bad about that, sweetheart.

Eventually to do something. But you know, moment you're just sort of in your feelings and wanting your partner to understand how you feel anyway.

So sometimes fixing it is making sure that your partner knows they're not alone.

And that they will generate their own.

Answers if they can feel that they're connected. I don't need to come in from the outside and offer solutions. Usually I can wait for you to.

Ask me, otherwise you just want me to be there with you.

Right.

But this is also something in parenting. I remember even when Nikki was a teenager, she made some sort of a T shirt, like a crafts project. She showed it to Steve and Steve's reaction was like, oh, wow, that's great. You know, you could set up an online business and you could market these and you could blah, blah, blah. And she just wanted to hear good job from her dad. She wasn't trying to plan her, her business future. And Steve and you know, the same thing happens with Jason if he says, because we're always trying to plot that path forward to the future. I just wanted to show you this.

Thing I did, you know, that's absolutely the case. And this speaks to my child self, you know, that I grew up without.

Feeling that there was a direct path.

To what I wanted in life.

So I just became this problem solver. It was like, it's like the Martian.

Just solve the next problem and then you solve the next problem. You solve the next problem.

And it is amazing. It is an amazing, amazing quality. I just want to say that for everybody.

But I have to solve the problem of going deeper with you. And that problem means that I have to stop solving problems.

I had to judo myself.

Yes.

You know, and kind of say, well.

Tananarive is a grown ass woman. She's on her own life path. She has her own force.

She doesn't need to be fixed.

What?

She, she didn't marry me because I could fix her.

She married me because she wanted a companion. A lioness wants a lion.

You know, I'm not there to fix her.

I'm there to love her and support her.

Will there be times when the situation needs to be fixed?

Absolutely. But I got stuck to a degree.

In the mode of let's solve this.

You know, let's solve the problem.

Solve the problem. And it has limitations. I don't have perspective on my own life. Sufficient to define what those limits are. So what I have to do is I have to change my default. I have to assume I have to trust. And part of what I'm doing by placing your trying to place your needs above me, what it's done is certainly making certain that I'm telling you that.

I love you and asking what I.

Can do to support you. But also when I get frustrated, which.

Happens in every relationship, I remind myself that for this 90 days, let me.

Just suspend my need to try to fix it or correct it or teach or any of that crap. And as a result of that, the communication has actually improved.

If I may, I need to look at the record here. I do believe that in the past couple of days we have agreed to extend our love beast through the fall, haven't we? Hello.

Yes, we have. You know, basically the not we have two more weeks of this first thing and the, and the, the, the decision wise, let's renew it for the next quarter.

Yeah, we're going to renew it for.

The next, renew it through the end of the year. And then if we like that, how about a pattern where we Simply do another 90 day love feast every three months, once every quarter, you know, we, we recommit, we look at it, but we're doing it one quarter at a time. We just, yeah, we check in.

We never, just get lazy with it. We never take it for granted. Like we, I want to look at the goals we had in the beginning of the love feast and how far we've come and I think we should always do that or what we've learned over the past 90 days about ourselves and our partner doing that ritualistically.

The love feast is not an agreement between two people.

The love feast is one person saying, I'm going to place my partner above myself.

And if you're in a healthy relationship.

That partner will want to reciprocate. If you're in an unhealthy relationship, if.

They'Re capable of opening their heart, 90 days of loving somebody without asking anything in return will transform. You know, their heart grew three sizes that day. You could take, you know, Ebenezer Scrooge. And they're going to change.

If they don't change, you just found out something. You just found out that you need to be out of that relationship.

Yeah, if you give everything you have.

For 90 days and they cannot respond.

To you at all and you're just giving and giving and giving, you're in.

A relationship with somebody who's broken or a taker. And if they Will not go into therapy with you. You need to try to figure out where they are. Exit strategy is. That's just kind of my take on it. But this has been a wonderful thing.

It's also gotten me to look at.

Questions about my relationship with Jason and my relationship with friends. I had some conflicts with some friends who feel differently about some issues, and.

It hurt my feelings. And I realized that the hurt, the anger, was fear. And the fear was the fear that.

The path I'm on, which is very individual, is going to be a lonely one, that I'm going to lose people along the way.

And that has to be okay, because.

My friends need to be on their own path. And if my path is not for them, then I need to just simply hope that they find a path that's wonderful for them, and maybe we'll meet along the way somewhere, and we'll be.

Able to share a cup and a.

Song in the end before we go.

Back on our separate paths again.

Later on that handling my own stuff.

Realizing that the things that I was angry about, like I said, were times.

When I felt like I could not take care of myself. And if I promise to take care of myself to a deeper level, then the fear goes. And without the fear, I'm not trying to fix things. I have absolute confidence that if there's something that needs to be fixed, I can go into that mode. But mostly what I need to do is just treasure every day that I have with this magnificent woman who walks in my son.

I don't know, Tom. Did that answer your question, or did I wander too far?

Well, I think it pretty much answered the question about whether the trust between the two of you is growing.

Yeah.

And it is.

Yeah.

It is also substantial. Before you started.

Yes. You know, we started out. We went into therapy together before we got married. We kind of showed each other our hearts, made a commitment to see whether.

Or not the relationship could work, communicated as much as we could, and got.

Every resource we could.

But I.

I was floundering in the.

Sense of not knowing what path would actually lead to the best relationship. I could have that as my intent. But I did not know, you know, And I needed. I needed to move outside of myself. And I think that that's. That's a deeper level of trust in myself to be able to say, I don't know, but I can learn. I'm not good enough, but I can learn and not be afraid. That that means that I'm not worthy. And certainly it doesn't mean that my wife is not worthy. Tenanalariv is the cat's pajamas.

I mean, she's amazing in every way. So at any rate, thank you very much, Tom. Next question. Otherwise, you can either volunteer or be voluntold to let us know what's going on in your lives and hopefully how you've increased by just 1% or any questions you have about that.

I have.

I've been looking at Ms. Harrell here. Zajay. Zajay Harrell. Would you please yourself? Have you been here before, sweetheart?

I have.

I have not for a little while, but I have been in and out and I took. I was in Tonnari's Shaping Change community.

Oh, fantastic. But just let me change my background.

Because the background on my. I could do something kind of interesting here.

That background you see right there, that was Octavia's house.

Oh, that's. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah.

I was on West Boulevard near Washington in Los Angeles. That's where she lived when I. During most of the time that I knew her. And we used to get together for.

Dinner and hang out and stuff like that. She lived on the left side. She lived on the left side of that.

And then she moved up to Seattle.

After she won the MacArthur genius grant, and she went on eventually to become Saint Octavia.

But for a long time, she was.

Just my big sister. We were just friends, and she was absolutely wonderful.

I'm not going to say that I.

Wish I'd had more time with her or anything else.

We got the time together that we were supposed to have, and she was.

Just as terrific as you would want her to be.

So is there anything we could do for you?

Me? Yeah, I am. You know, I've been missing being able to check in with this community. So I'm just here working on, you know, different projects. I work for myself, writing, researching. So, yeah, I'm just here to get in the energy from this group.

What do you do for your stress? What do you do to manage your stress? Because being able to manage your stress.

Is what will turn stress into energy and accomplishment.

You have to be sure that stress doesn't become strain. So what practices do you have to take care of yourself?

So I do yoga and also early morning, like before getting up, I do at least take five minutes in meditation. I have three children, though, so fantastic.

No, you have three children. It becomes even more important to center yourself. You know, it's like they say on the airplanes, in case of depressurization, put.

On your own mask first. So you have three children, which raises.

That's your why? So let's say your what is to.

Be a successful adult human being in fully full control of your sensuality and your intelligence and your creativity. Strong and powerful, but also vulnerable.

So let's say that that was your goal. Your whys. Part of your why is to provide.

A role model to the children that.

You love so they can see that.

You can be both strong and vulnerable.

So that they can see that it's.

Possible to accomplish and still be joyful. Okay?

To take care of yourself and still contribute. You know, whatever it is that your values represent, you are providing them with a role model, which means you must.

Take care of yourself. You must be happy, and you must succeed.

You must do these things because if they see you being happy and successful.

They'Ll want to be like you.

They see, you know, happy, healthy, successful. You know, the ducklings walk behind Mama.

Because they assume that Mama knows where the bread is and where the water is and how to stay safe.

So to the degree that you're walking like that, they cannot help but want.

To be like you.

So anything we can do to support.

You in that, you're welcome.

The times that you're not here, you know, walk with power. But anytime you come back, welcome home.

So thank you. Thank you.

You're very welcome.

And I just want to say, my daughter did say to me yesterday, she said something like, mommy, I copied you. And so as you're saying that, it's reminding me of. She was writing something the way that I do, and she said, I just copy you. Thank you for reminding me of that.

You betcha. And that's actually going to lead into the symposium today, talking about how to increase luck. So, you know, it's connected. But who else has something that you want to say? Comments, questions, requests about anything that we're doing here, anything that I've ever said, any observations you have or what's going.

On during your week, please, you know.

This is the opportunity. Raise your hands because otherwise, let me talk a little bit, but I just want to be sure that you're being taken care of.

I don't see any hands. Okay, so let me go to what.

I want to talk about.

Steve?

Yes.

I have a question. This is Sonya. I couldn't find the hand.

Okay.

Yes, Sonia.

I got an email from you about links that would no longer be working.

In what sense?

I don't know. There's links on some page that you guys were letting me know that they wouldn't be working. I don't know. Maybe.

I'm not sure what that is, I. I don't know. I have. I'm not changing any links that I can think of. Are you in the screenwriting workshop?

Can you copy and paste that note and put it in a chat for us? Yeah.

Would you do that? And then Tananari will take a look at that and we'll try to get that straightened out.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

I appreciate it. Thanks.

You bet. Well, I appreciate you. So if there's. If there's anybody else, then.

Okay. On my Facebook page, I. Part of my mission in life is to spend an hour helping people every day. It's just part of what I'm kind of committed to. And one of the things I do.

Is I post things that have to do with success, positive thinking and focus.

And so forth and so on.

And I started noticing and people. A disproportionate number of the posts that I put up there are by people of color and women. And there is a very specific, tactical.

Reason for this, as opposed to the reason that you might think it is this.

If I post a perfectly valid statement by a white guy, there are a.

Bunch of people on my page who.

Will say, oh, he can only have.

That position because of privilege, that if you are disadvantaged, if you're downtrodden, if.

You'Re oppressed, if you're a woman, if you're this, you're forgave, you're this, that and the other, that crap doesn't work. If I post something, the exact same comment from Oprah Winfrey, you know, the exact same comment from Simone Biles, the exact same comment by, you know, from Muhammad Ali, people can't say that as much because what I have specialized in is the question, if you have no.

Privilege, if you are oppressed, if you are gay or a woman or trans or black or this or that, how.

Do you move from having less resources to being able to succeed? And the basic principles I have found that I've been studying my whole life apply to that. They have to do with being able to focus yourself, being able to, you.

Know, knowing what it is that you.

Want, being able to do certain things. The thing that people will say most often to try. And I think that what happens is.

That people who are afraid of trying.

Afraid of believing, will attack anybody who says that it's possible for you to achieve because they're interpreting that as, oh, you're saying I haven't tried, tried. You're saying I'm lazy. You're saying this, you're saying that, you're saying I'm stupid. But then there are also, and this.

Is an unfortunate thing, there are people who believe that those who have been disadvantaged are literally inferior, but politically, they will not say that.

So if you. What they're doing is they're saying that those poor downtrodden people can only improve.

Their lives through mass political action, that I have to help them, they cannot help themselves.

Whereas I believe that the people who are, are helping to create mass action in our society are our heroes and they are necessary.

I also believe that the people are.

Capable of helping to guide mass action are the people who have already solved.

The problem for themselves.

In other words, if born in poverty, they fight their way through medical school, they're a doctor, they're a successful doctor, they could take that, win, and simply enjoy their lives. Instead of that, they want to turn.

Around and show others how to do it.

And they want to leverage their position.

To get society to change, to make.

It easier for everybody, even those born.

Disadvantaged, to have universal basic income or universal health care or universal education or.

Social justice or whatever, that it's the people who solve the problem who can.

Best help others get out of that situation. So one of the things that, that.

Gets talked about a lot is luck. Well, you have to be lucky to succeed.

You have to have been born to wealthy parents or you have to be.

You know, have to be, you know.

Rich or smart or white or, or male or this or that.

And every time somebody says something like that, if they say it is harder if you're not in that demographic, I agree. If they say it is impossible if you're not in that demographic, they are literally denying the thousands of people who.

Manage to make it anyway.

So what I've always done is I've tried to study the people who were born with less than I had, but accomplish more than I have if they had greater disadvantages. What are those principles? So everything I'm teaching you, none of the things I'm teaching you come from, say, well, you have to be privileged to do this. This is all about how to do.

It, even if you don't have privilege.

That question of luck, though, that's real. And maybe 5% of people are born into a situation where basically, silver spoon, all you have to do is do what your parents say and you're going to have a great life. And maybe 5% of people, or maybe more, but let's say 5%, just for the sake of argument, are born in a situation where almost no matter what.

They do, they're going to be crushed by life unless they Meet a mentor, somebody who can help them out of their situation, they get really lucky.

So at either end, there's 5% really.

Bad luck, 5% really good luck.

And most of us are someplace in the middle. We can make it if we have certain understandings. But you'll notice something. Most of the people born into real.

Poverty and real oppression who managed to.

Make it, they met somebody at some point. They met a mentor, a boss, a teacher, a partner, somebody who was on.

The other side of the issue that helped them.

It is undeniable. I can take a look at that.

There are two men that I give massive credit to in my life. Larry Niven, my writing mentor, and Steve Muhammad, my karate master.

But I'm going to tell you something.

Honestly, if I hadn't.

If it hadn't been those people, it.

Would have been somebody else.

I was going to go out and.

I was going to find the people to help me. So I asked and asked and asked and asked. I don't even want to go through the list of all the writers I asked to help me. You know, they said no until one of them said yes. And that's the one that I've given all my loyalty to.

And I love him to pieces, and I will always love him. And I'm so grateful. And every time I see him smile, it lights my heart up because I.

Feel like I am paying back this man who transformed my life.

And every time I can do anything.

For Steve Muhammad, it's like I will.

Fly across the world to do anything.

I can to help him because he gave me what I needed when my father did not and society did not.

But that comes into the question, is luck something that comes from outside us?

And you either have it or you don't. There would be people who say that.

But it looks to me as if luck goes up and down. It kind of cycles that everybody. I've never met anybody who could read my words, in other words, who could read and write and has access to the Internet, who did not have times.

Of greater and lesser luck.

Good things are happening, bad things happen. So what I think you have to learn how to do, then we go.

Into my attitude about this at this.

Point is to learn how to be so balanced that you can ride out the downturn.

It's going to come. The downturn is coming.

You're going to get sick, you're going to be broke, you're going to have your heart broken. These things are going to happen. You have to have a safety net. So during the down periods, you can write it out. They're not absolutely devastating.

And then when things turn up, you add additional goodness to what it is that you're doing.

Additional crunchy goodness.

You learn to.

When you're feeling, you know, if you have. People who are depressed will have days when they're more depressed and days when they're less depressed. So on the days when you're less depressed, that's when you get the additional stuff done.

That's when you add new resources.

And the days when you're more depressed, that might be the day that you.

Call your friends, you know, or you. Whatever defaults you've built in so that you can survive those times and ride it out. I accidentally discovered something that I want.

To share with you. We've talked about it before, but the thing that I discovered that was designed.

To just increase my capacity to function.

Also increased instances of synchronicity, of luck in my life. Before I go on, any comments, questions or requests about anything I've said so far, because I really love being. Making certain that somebody said that since I've been forcing myself to do my five minutes of breathing by setting alarms, I have been less depressed. That is absolutely the case because one aspect of depression is physiological.

Real depression is physiological.

You know that it's not just in your head. Something is happening in your body. So there's a connection between your emotions.

And your perceptions and the way you breathe and move. And you can break that loop at either end. People can break it with therapy. People can break it by taking medications.

And if you can get yourself to.

Breathe five times a day, you will find, and I suggest that anybody who's dealing with a medical level of depression, have a medical expert in your wellness circle that you can consult with. But if you will breathe, your medical expert will be very happy with you. They will start seeing those results.

So before I go on, once again, any comments, questions or requests, because I want to make absolutely certain that there.

Is clarity about what it is that I'm saying here. So just for a moment, and while I'm doing that, I'm going to change my background again. Yes. Actually, I'm moving up toward Halloween. I know that Tananarib will like that.

Okay. So I don't see any questions.

Good.

So what happened was this. During a family emergency, I felt really.

Like the world had fallen in on me. It literally crushed my ego. And I was, for one of the few times in my life, I just could not figure out what to do.

And I decided after a few days.

Of Marinating in my own misery, I.

Decided to kind of kick my own butt, kind of say, well, you know, there is this guy that I generally.

Am, and he's optimistic and he's clear on what it is that he wants.

And he moves towards things he wants.

How do I get back to being that guy?

So one of the things that that guy did was he constantly input positive material. Remember I said that if you just.

Come to these meetings and allow us.

To infect you with our energy and our aliveness in that sense, that this is enough to increase you by 1%? Well, one of the things that it's like every hour that you spend specifically.

Working on yourself, specifically studying how do I be happy, how do I be healthy, how do I be successful?

Every hour you spend doing that will.

Increase your overall efficiency by about 1% per week. That. That's our position.

So I started going back to old books and old courses and exploring some new ones.

And one of them was a book.

Called the Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles. And this book was supposed to be one of the foundational inspirations of the Secret. Mary Elle, you were just laughing and nodding very low to hold. Would you unmute yourself and say something to us about your. Your reactions there?

Oh, no, there. There's a book called the Prosperity Bible, and Wallace Wattles is in there. A whole bunch of it's about that. And it talks about your affirmations and your perspective and speaking basically life into yourself, myself in every. In every way in or what. I have a wonderful job, and I do it in a wonderful way, and I get wonderful pay and, you know, Catherine Ponder and Florence Scoville Shin and all those people.

So fantastic. All you need to do is, you know, take that stuff, put it into your morning ritual, chant those affirmations while you're moving so that it moves totally from the emotional and conceptual into your body.

And you got it. Okay.

So I was reading this book, and something odd happened. It's only about 60 pages long, 70 pages long. I got finished reading it, put it.

Down, and I could not remember a single thing in the entire book.

I couldn't believe it.

My brain would not hold anything that was in that book.

And I said, what the heck's going on here? So I reread it again. The same thing happened.

And I reread it again.

Same thing happened. I could not remember. I saw the words, I saw the sentences, but by the time I turned the page, it was gone. And I remembered going to a training.

Back in the 70s, the EST training, Earhart seminar training.

And there something interesting happened there. It's like that. It's that training where they don't let you go to the bathroom. It's like one o' clock in the morning, and the trainer and everybody's exhausted, and the trainer brings up the subject of sex. And I saw something happen out of.

The corner of my eye. There was a ripple in the room.

And I saw that a whole segment of the room kind of fell asleep and another segment of the room woke up. That was interesting. About 15, 20 minutes later, he changed the subject to money or something like that.

And I noticed another ripple go through the room.

Another whole group people fell asleep, and a whole other group of people woke up. And I said, I know that they don't let you out of the room to go to the bathroom because they believe that if the subject is uncomfortable to you, you will go to the bathroom to get out of the room.

So you don't have to listen to it, you don't have to interact with it.

And I thought to myself, what if the same thing is true about attention in general, that if you're not ready.

To hear something, you'll go unconscious.

Now, this became literal at 12 o' clock in the morning, where I could actually see it. The people are tired anyway. So I kind of said, well, what if the subject of sex was uncomfortable for the people who went to sleep? What if the subject of money was.

Uncomfortable for those that group people went to sleep?

And then I looked at this book and I said, what if there's a part of me that isn't ready to hear something that's in this book? And so it is deleting the information that it is stopping me from absorbing the information. What if that were true? So I did something interesting.

I would read one page, one page.

And then I would write down the.

Essence of what was on that page. I would write it out, and just.

Like I'd write a sentence about what that page said. And then I turned to the next page and I did the same thing. I'd read the page, read the page, read your page, write a sentence, synopsizing it. And I ended up with about four pages of closely written notes. And I boiled down those four pages.

Until it was only two pages.

And I boiled that down until it was one page.

And I boiled it down. I boiled it down and boiled it down.

And suddenly I had just five basic things. And the five things that were in.

That book were.

Contained within the acronym magic.

Magic. You need a map or model of what it is you're trying to accomplish. The A is you need to have action, daily action. You need to see what that action is and you need to keep track of it. The G is gratitude. You need to feel and have daily gratitude for your life.

You know, and people who say I don't have anything to feel grateful for simply aren't looking deeply enough.

If you can see and if you.

Lost your vision, you'd be unhappy about.

That, then you should be grateful for the fact that you have eyes today.

But anything you would be sad if.

You lost, you should be grateful that you have The I is intention. Clear intention, goals, the smart formula for.

Goals, specific.

Measurable, action oriented, realistic and time bound goals. You need to have clear intention and the C is courage. Conviction. You have to believe that your actions can and should be taken, that you can and should do these things, that the path that you're on is a.

Path that will take you away from pain, toward pleasure. If you don't believe that the actions you're taking will decrease the amount of.

Pain in your life, if you don't.

Believe that your actions will increase the pleasure in your life, you will not.

Be able to sustain those actions. Magic.

And this is where I go into.

Something that I've done many times. If you give yourself a score from, let's say, zero to nine in each.

Of those categories, how clear your map or model is, the consistency of your.

Actions, how much gratitude you feel, the clarity of your intentions, and the degree.

Of courage and conviction that this path.

Will actually work for you?

You gave yourself a score from zero.

To nine each of those. The formula is map or model times action times gratitude times intention times courage or conviction equals results. And this is the point at which I ask people and students who have.

Heard this before, why is this equation.

Multiplicative as opposed to additive? Why did I say times as opposed to plus? Does anybody who has not answered this question before merit? Why is it multiplicative?

Because if you multiply by zero in any equation, the result is going to be zero.

Exactly correct. Exactly correct.

If I had a zero in any one of those categories, the whole thing would zero out.

And I realized at that moment why my brain did not want to see this. Because it was telling me that in.

Order to get out of the situation I was in, I had to be.

Grateful to be there. And I said, holy crap.

This broke my brain. I wanted so much to hold on.

To my anger, my pain, my fear, because they defined me in a sense.

And this is one of The I can point to the most important conversations in my life.

And one of them was with my karate instructor who had was living in the area where we were at the time. And he basically told me in no uncertain terms that I had to release my anger in order to be the man that I said I was committed to being. That I couldn't hold on to both at the same time. I did not know how I was going to do it, but I committed to doing it. I said, this is the man I'm committed to being. This is the person I want to be. This is in alignment with my commitments and my self image. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I will commit to doing it.

The instant I committed to doing it, then it was a matter of, you know, map or model.

I need to increase my amplitude and make more money in, you know, to be able to get out of this situation. Daily actions.

Well, maybe all I can think of.

To do in terms of daily actions.

Is the morning ritual where I take.

What I say I'm going to do and I combine it with movement every day. And it was Tai Chi gratitude. As miserable as I am, let me.

Be grateful for my beautiful wife.

Let me be grateful for my healthy son. Let me be grateful for a roof over my head.

Let me make sure I feel that every day in terms of clarity and clarity of intention. I was able to say very easily.

What I wanted to do there because I knew what I didn't to want. And so it was like making that was very easy.

And then the courage that I have the capacity to do it. Well, I've done everything so far. I looked at all the things I've accomplished in my life and at the very least I could cast reasonable doubt on the notion that I was trapped. I could cast reasonable doubt. And as soon as I didn't have a zero in any of those categories, things started changing. Now let me be more specific about that. Today is the 10th anniversary of our little mini movie, Danger Word.

And I believe that the Danger you.

Can find you can see that movie@www.dangerwordfilm.com and we've raised a bunch of money on social media to make this and we hired a real director and real actors and we made our little zombie.

Movie in upstate New York. We ran out of money at one.

Point and we could not see how to finish it. We'd filmed it, we did not see.

How to finish it.

So the question was very much one of how do we do this? Tananarif did you unmute yourself? Because it looks like you want to.

Say, yeah, let me add some context to the story if we're going to talk about Danger Word. We did our pre production fundraising just off of Facebook.

Really.

Some of you may have contributed and I forget, I think it was $15,000 we raised on Facebook to. To get a cinematographer, the sound director, the director, enough to pay scale for actors like Frankie Faison, who's been in every Hannibal Lecter movie and was in Luke Cage and Saoirse Scott, who was a professional actress who'd been on One Life to Live for four years so she could crank you. We had a great cast. We're all set up. But we had done a separate post production campaign. Now, this is. The film is in the can, but now you got to pay for the editor and the sound mixing and the color correcting and all that other stuff I don't know anything about. And we did it in the go go and it wasn't going well. It was flagging badly. And it was like, oh, gosh, are we going to run out of money to make this? So. So, honey, go on with what you were saying. I'm going to spotlight us.

So we called a meeting with our.

Director and I forget there was a.

Producing partner, Terrence Taylor, maybe the editor.

Yeah, I think so. And before this meeting, I said, how can we take the resources we have? Let me apply this formula, the magic.

Formula to what we're going to do.

So we looked at, how much money.

Is it going to take?

My thought was, what do we actually need? How much money do we actually need to finish this as opposed to what.

We might want to finish it?

There is the difference between the ideal.

Amount and the minimum amount, including deferred.

Payments, you know, including doing trade and.

So forth, so on.

So I figured, let's figure out what's actually necessary.

So we ran down over the magic.

Formula and it was, you know, okay, so we could do this and we could do this. And we. The meeting started with everybody depressed because.

We run out of money.

So glad.

But by the time we were done, I had everybody. I shifted everybody's state. We can do this. Yeah, we've come, we've actually got into the camp. We can do this. We can. We can leverage this to get this. And then once we've got that, we can get people excited about this. And if you enroll people, if you give people a mission, then the mission can substitute for lack of money. We give people the sense of cooperation in a venture that we're Doing something with something that has meaning. By the time we were off the.

Phone, each one of us knew exactly.

What we were supposed to do. So, you know, the next 24 hours, the next 72 hours, you're going to make these phone calls, you're going to do this, and you're going to leverage this relationship to get this, this.

And we had it.

I mean, we were popping, we were ready to go. It was ready to go. And almost as soon as we got off the phone. What happened to Nunnarry?

We got a $5,000 contribution on our Indiegogo that came. You know, I was refreshing that thing all day. Believe me, the balance did not usually change by that much. I thought I was seeing things. And in fact, weirdly, it later did disappear because Indiegogo itself was like, oh, that's a lot of money. We need to put a hold on this, you know? But it turned out that there was, oh, my gosh, I have forgotten their names, that it's 10 years. So forgive me, but I'll look it up. Someone out from my Facebook page had given that contribution, and if it went through and everything was okay, her mother was going to make a matching contribution. So they would be the producer level. They have their own graphic in the film as a production company because they gave us $10,000. And when Indiegogo was playing games over the weekend, we were like, you know what, y'? All, we have a PayPal. And that's what they did.

So where's. What happened? As soon everybody understands this when you, you got no partner. You can't get a partner until you're dating. And then suddenly everybody. Everybody's attracted to you when you don't have a job. You can't get a job until you got a job. And then everybody's offering you jobs when you don't have any credit. You can't get credit until you've got credit. Then suddenly you're getting offers for all these cards. The universe seems to work this way.

With a perverse precision.

The instant you don't need the universe.

To give you something, you get it.

The instant you figure out for yourself you've got the magic formula set up, I know how I'm going to do it. I know the actions I'm going to take. You know, M A G, I C. I feel grateful for where I am right now. I have a clear sense of the.

Endpoint, what it is we need to accomplish here.

Ultimately, not just the daily actions, but where we're going. And I have confidence that we can and should take these steps the instant you don't need the universe to give it to you.

You get was perverse how precise it was. And I have found since that time 10 years ago that applying the magic formula in connection with the morning ritual every single day. Because the way I do my morning.

Ritual, I am visualizing my role models.

Who are both my mentors and my map.

I am looking at what I need to do today. Just, you know, get this much work done, work out, connect with my family.

I'm flooding myself with gratitude.

Just like I literally will say every day, six days a week, I'll give thanks for the people who, you know, for my.

For my health, my sanity, my mood, the people who love me and trust me. My son Jason, My daughter Nikki.

And I literally say this every day.

My beautiful, brilliant wife, Tananarif.

I say it out loud while I'm.

Doing my tai chi because I never want to forget how blessed I am.

My sister Joyce, who taught me to read, and to whom I have not always been the best brother I could be. And it's just like, I'm going to be the best brother I can be.

She deserves all joy in life.

For Steve Muhammad and Larry Niven, for Dawn Callan and Octavia Butler. I say these things out loud every day. I connect myself with what is beautiful and powerful and positive in my life. And the role models are people who, in aggregate, could solve any problem I have. Any problem I have. Chen Manching, the tai chi teacher. Danny Inosanto, the world's greatest living martial arts instructor, who I had the honor of knowing. William Shakespeare, whose work inspires me. In other words, these people, about nine, ten of them, I literally give thanks.

To them every day.

I connect with them. They're both my internal community. If I have a problem, I'll just. I'll just imagine myself sitting at a table. They're sitting around the table. I throw the problem down there and let them brainstorm. Or I'll do that before I go to sleep. Let them work it out in my dreams. You know, it doesn't matter whether you believe in that literally or whether it's the psychology of being able to commit.

Yourself to being like someone who is better than you are at something you want to be.

If you've ever noticed that when you're in the presence of masters, you perform.

At a higher level.

Simple as that.

I mean, you know, it's hard to.

Say why it is, but it's true. It happens. So what I found was. And then I move with confidence and courage, you know, it's like Tai chi martial arts movement has encoded within in.

It principles of courage and confidence and so forth. You know, if you breathe that way, if you square your shoulders that way, if you look at somebody who is.

Being an idiot, somebody who's being challenging to you, and what you're doing is you're looking at vulnerable spots on their.

Body while they're yelling at you.

Whatever it is, oh, there's their eyes, there's their throat, there's their groin, there's their knees.

You're doing that.

You know, your body language changes. You're not sitting. Oh my God, he might hit me. It's the, huh. How am I going to take him apart? That's interesting. You know, and if I did that, that would happen. If I did that, that would happen. That's it. No, that's too violent. I'll do this over here. They will begin to change because they'll notice that you're not giving them the response that they expect. That you literally can short circuit a violent confrontation by being very peaceful. But looking at the vulnerable points, plants on their body, very interesting. The same thing seems to be true of life, that when the obstacles are there, the problems are there. But if, at least for one period of time every day you are focusing on, these are the ways I'm going.

To make my moves.

This, you know, I may not have all this answered. And the same thing is true about.

Working on, on my, working on my book.

You know, I've got 130 pages of garbage. But in that garbage are interesting things. If I simply focus on the things that work, other things begin to change automatically. Just focus on the aspects. You know, you're riding a bicycle, a dirt bike through a forest. If you focus on the trees, you'll crash. If you focus on, on the space.

Between the trees, you're safe.

So the same thing is true of white water rafting. If you look at the rocks, you'll crash. You have to keep your attention on the space between the rocks, the open.

Water, and then you'll automatically go in those directions.

When you line yourself up with the.

Magic formula, proper map, daily actions, gratitude, clarity of intention and belief in yourself. Something happens and you both are set.

Up to take the maximum advantage of whatever luck you have. But you also, it's like, it's like the universe stops messing with you as much. It's like the universe has a finite.

Amount of attention to mess with people.

And it kind of says, well, this person is too tough to mess with. I'm just gonna let them get what they want.

I'm gonna go mess with somebody else.

It's very odd and interesting. It is the closest thing to a.

Luck generator that I have ever found, which is why I've done it every day for 10 years.

And I think I can honestly say that although there are other things that.

I do.

In general, the practices that you do most often are the things.

That are closest to. To your heart. This one, the magic formula, when I.

Look at the fractal that we're trying.

To create, the body, mind, spirit, is it true? Is it kind? Is it useful? And what do you want? Why do you want it?

How are you going to do it? What is useful and how are you going to do it?

Magic formula fits in there beautifully. It organizes all of your energy and it also seems to set you up to increase luck. And that is bizarre. It's the closest thing to magic in that sense. An incantation that I know of. And by putting it into the morning ritual, you're turning it into an incantation. From an affirmation to an incantation. Incantation being an affirmation that you move into your body. It is moving magic. So. So that's our premise today.

And comments, questions, requests about anything that we've covered here. How you can apply anything, any walls you run into, any observations you have.

I would love to hear from you. And so put your hands up or I'm going to call on people. So.

Shakisha.

Hi.

Hello. How are you?

Good, how are you?

You know, I'm just doing so great. Can you put your camera on? I love to see faces, if it's possible.

I wish I could put my camera on. It's acting a little weird today.

Well, that's okay. We'll just go with your voice. So how are you today? And what's been happening so since the last time we talked? And can you think of an arena of your life in which you have improved by 1%? And can you share with us what.

You did to make that happen?

Multiple levels. I think the seeds that you plant with this program helps me to think on improving. So for me, it's a daily walk in every area. I also still listen to ancient child, so that helps because that plants the seed again every day. And I'm at a point of nurturing.

Tell us a little bit about style.

Am I nurturing?

You say you listen in style. What is that?

Oh, I listen to the ancient.

Oh, the ancient child. I'm sorry.

Yes, Ancient child.

Absolutely. Absolutely. You have within you all the wisdom you need to get everything that you.

Need in life.

Right. So you, you say that on Ancient Child. So I'm hearing it almost every day.

Excellent.

But in turn. Yeah, but in terms of improving, I'm going through a 21 day detox. So on a physical level, I feel better. I've been on a detox for about six, seven days and I've just given up like fried foods and white stuff and sweets and a couple of other things. But eating more vegetables is helpful for me. In terms of writing, I'm not, I'm not writing at a level I would like to, but I'm trying to move forward. I'm trying to implement that one sentence a day and to make it ritualistic.

So what stops, what has stopped you on the days when you don't do it? How do you stop yourself?

I think, I think for me, I think it's kind of like executive functioning stuff.

So you distract yourself.

I'm going to say yes. I think I've dealt with a lot of my trauma and I got to a point where I know how to deal with the things that keep me from the things that I want to do. But I am starting to feel like it's a desperation when I don't write. So I'm beginning to feel worse when I don't write then when I do write. So I know I'm getting to a point of shift.

Good.

And that's really good because I need to fill it. Yeah. See, if you do one, think about.

The one sentence a day, sweetie. If you think about one sentence a day and that's all the work you have to do, everything after that is fun. Everything after that is play. The one sentence a day is the only work you have to do when you're writing. That's it. After that, you let your little girl out to play if she wants to. If she doesn't, that's fine.

You've done the thing you needed to do.

Now you can do the thing you want to do. So if you can put all of your, you leverage all of your discipline that way.

Yeah, it's something that I have to prioritize as being the first thing.

Yeah, maybe you can't. You know, if you have no problem with it, you could say you don't get to eat until you've written a sentence.

Right, but I have to wake up and do it like, so that it's done.

That's right.

I'm getting to that point. Yeah, I'm getting to that point. But it's all. It's balancing everything.

Excellent.

So I'm working on figuring out how to balance everything. And I think that one of the things that really impacts me is I do listen to your podcast. Your podcast and to Nana Reeves podcast, the one you have together.

LifeWritingPodcast.com yes, yes.

And you said in one episode that you actually removed yourself from a person who. Who talked about writing but never did it. They never made it to the end of the goal.

Right.

And that stays with me because I want to be that person who you never move away from.

Beautiful, Beautiful. I'm on.

So that's where I am with that.

All I can do is I can point out the path and then we can be companions along it. If you're on a different path, you know, God bless you and I hope you have a wonderful time. But I can describe the territory along this path, and so if that is of use to you, I am so grateful.

I truly am.

Thank you very much for sharing with us.

And I have a goal. Yeah, I have a goal just really quickly of finishing one of my stories and getting it in. So I'm hoping to be able to do that soon.

Well, keep us posted.

That's it. Thank you.

All right. All right, Jaime.

Okay, thanks.

Thanks, Shakija. Thank you, Stephen. I really resonated with that thing about balance and the discussion online this week about the simplicity of the three centers and this fractal trinity thing. I've been trying to apply that belly heart and brain thing to my own life and finding an interesting dynamic between the practical things that I have to do right now because winter is coming compared to the things that make my heart sing or that interest me intellectually. And finding that balance I've been attempting. There's no way yet that I can apply Done by one. But what has been working for me this week is three by three.

Yeah, that's fine.

Yeah.

And you have to give yourself permission.

I can't do a done by one.

With many things because for instance, I have to have a meeting with my son. But what I can do is through by two, where by two o' clock he has to negotiate to meet by four, you know, so. So it's like, okay, I've taken care of my basics. You know, I could do kind of out the door by four, you know, but it's like more like through by two with an addendum.

Having that flexibility is very helpful. Like even today I get to lead a non profit board of directors meeting from 2 to 4 this afternoon.

There you go.

And I'm ready for it. And at first, I was feeling resentful that I'd have to miss this session here in order to prepare for it, but I was able to get all the work done in advance by adding it to my week schedule.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Let me ask you a question, Jaime. I want to keep track of something. So let's go through the three centers. Physically, what are your goals? What's the gap between where.

Who you are and where you want to be?

Okay. The main goal. I want to improve my physical health and back away from pre diabetes. I need to lose some weight or let go of some weight. I don't want to lose it. Because then you find it again.

So what. What changes in your lifestyle would you.

Have to make in order to make.

That a permanent change?

Well, what I've certainly already made is I've gone to a 95% vegetarian diet, and I have upped the ante on my physical movement.

Beautiful.

In terms of both my morning ritual, number of steps a day, those kinds of things.

Okay, that sounds terrific. So, I mean, that feels so good. Let's just move on to emotions, relationship, what's going on there, and what do.

You need to change?

Well, that's been very interesting because as I've been following your journey with Tananari Love Feast, my partner is a little antithetical towards therapy or group or any of those sort of things. He marches to his own drummer. But I've been taking what I've been learning here and applying it in my life and my attitude to. Towards him, and he's coming along for that journey. And what I'm noticing is he's changing very, very slowly. But I'm also changing. I am more able to accept things that I was struggling with before.

Can I remember? This is not about changing him.

Right.

Is not about changing him. It's about changing yourself, which then takes the pressure off him. And it's hard not to love someone who loves you without asking anything in return. So he's likely to move in your direction.

And that's what's happening. And that's. And so I'm changing, and then I'm observing him change as a consequence.

Yeah.

Please keep track of this because you'd be the first gay couple that has been following this. And I'm very curious about whether or not there are any differences in the dynamics. So far, it looks like people are people.

Yeah. That's what I'm experiencing is that it's just a human thing.

Yeah.

Fantastic. But you're kind of my experiment, right.

And I think where I'm. And I will keep track of it, it's in dealing with our children that I'm wondering if there aren't some nuances.

I would think that there probably are. I always put my kids before myself. I had not put my partner before myself. So my suspicion is that what you want to do is to get more in touch with your survival drive so that everything you need to do to take care of yourself is just a chop would carry water. Every day you take care of yourself. Now, all your attention can be on your family, right? If every day that. The first hour of the day, for instance, just as pulling that out of the air, you're exercising, you're meditating.

You'Re.

Doing your planning for what has to be done with your career. So you know, and you've got your done by one or through by two setup. Now, given that you can put all your attention on your. On the people that you love, all of it. And what they will see is that you are giving to them without taking from yourself that somehow, somehow you're not a bucket, you're a hose, You're a well, you're a. You're tapped into something deeper.

Well. And one.

Go ahead.

One change that I'm really noticing is a year ago in September, I was dreading going into winter. I'm not dreading going into winter this year because of those kinds of opportunities.

Yes. And what I'd like you to do is take a look at the what, the why and the how. The what needs to get ready for winter.

Okay.

And the why so that you and your family are safe and comfortable all winter. You know, it's connected to life, it's connected to love, it's connected to all these things. Then the hows become little project blocks. What are the things you have to do? So you write out everything you need every morning, you dump everything that you need to do that day at the beginning. Every week, you dump everything you need.

To do that week. At the beginning of every month, you.

Dump everything you need to do that month. So by when do you have to have your winterization done? What are the exact things you need? What are the resources you need? You go through the newspaper thing. Who, what, why, when, how and where? What do you need to do? When are you going to do it? And you break it down into pieces so that it's, you know, if you don't have the answer. So today you're going to call somebody to brainstorm to get your answer. So start Applying the what, the why.

And the how to it.

And let me know how that's working. And if you need some help breaking those things down, let me know because I'm very interested in how these three things interact with each other. I don't know yet, but I suspect we're onto something.

Yeah, I think we're onto something, too, and I'm loving it.

Fantastic. I could not be happier. Please give my love to your family.

Thank you.

You bet.

So who else?

Let's see Megan.

Can't help but want to see Megan if she's there. Where, where are you, sweetheart? Where's my Maggie? There is Maggie.

Okay. There we go. I knew I couldn't get around my. I'm, I'm okay. I'm okay.

Yeah.

So how have you been since we talked?

Not pretty good. I'm, I'm. I'm pretty good. There's.

What happened?

I handed Mark a platter, a heavy platter, while we were packing his mom's house. And it went. And then after a couple months, when it didn't get better, I went to the doctor and she says, you must wear this all the time for four weeks. That's not really.

Oh, I'm sorry. So possible.

And then, and then, and then slowly go off it. But you know what it's like. No, it's good. It's good.

Okay.

Okay.

So you had some, you had some projects.

Yes.

So tell me about your projects.

Well, I've been. So, so the project that I was talking, the specific one that I was talking about that I had, the little. That I had made the piece and said, oh, it's going to be part of this. I'm, I, I, I was working on the composition of it, and I realized that I didn't know enough about composition, even though that I've taught it to, and I needed to refresh my memory on, on how to, to, to work on composing. And so I have been doing that and, and I feel like I'm. I've made some progress. I don't have anything that I would show you, but.

Okay.

I feel, I feel like I made some progress on that. And I understand. I Remind. Reminded. And I understand a little better.

And I'd sure love to see something. Maybe in a couple of weeks you could show us something. Yes, I'd like that.

I like that.

I also have been. I also feel like I've done a good, A good amount of improvement in my, the area of, I don't know, my heart, my family, my community, my, My dear friend has she lost her job of 10 years, and I've been helping her out on her side hustle and. And I don't know, we've just. We've just sort of grown this friendship over. Over several years. And I found that I was able to. Something you. I think you were talking about earlier that I was able to actually listen last night. She came over. She lost her job Tuesday. And I wanted to tell her the ideas that I had for, like, how, you know, ideas of how she might approach a new job and what she might be thinking about. But it was pretty clear that she. She wanted to be letting go of this thing that had happened that, you know, this. She liked her job and she got fired. And she. It's. For her, it's just a reflection of her entire life as a neurodivergent person. And she. She just needed to be heard, you.

Know, And I was going to ask.

You a question to figure that out.

I'm gonna ask you a question, Meg. I think I already know what the answer is gonna be.

What's that?

But over the years, would you say that I definitely had a problem just.

Hearing people and listening to them and not trying to fix it?

Yes. Yes.

Yeah.

We love you. No matter.

Thank you.

I appreciate that. But I. Yeah, that's something that. And I appreciate. If I ever did that to a.

Degree that triggered any pain or discomfort, I apologize.

Annoyance is really more how I. Yeah, I got it.

I got it and I get it, and I apologize, sweetheart. My friends and family deserved better.

I was doing the best I could.

Yes. And we knew that and we loved it.

Thank you, Sierra. Thank you, Sierra.

So.

Yeah, so that's how I'm feeling pretty good about things, and Mark and I are doing well and he's doing better.

So I'm glad. I'm glad.

Thank you for sharing. Anybody else who would like to share something? We've got nine minutes. Nine minutes before I camp out in front of the television and start watching.

Cartoons or whatever it is I'm going to do today.

Because today's Saturday.

I'm off. I'm not going to do any more work today.

All that tells you something I will have. I'll be. Be going over the Star Wars. That ain't work. That's fun. You know, I'm just gonna have.

I.

The writer is the little kid inside me. The adult that edits gets to discover little gems that my little boy put in there, including dirty jokes. There are dirty Jedi jokes in that book.

At this point, they will all come out well. Most of them will.

Before the book comes out. But, you know, so at any rate, any. Any other comments or questions? Let's see. Jacqueline? Jacqueline.

Hello.

No, Jacqueline may not be available to.

Come on.

How about Zeke Springer?

Hi, Steve. How's it going?

It's going fine, Zeke.

How are you? Let me put some light on here.

Yeah, please do. How about that?

Yeah.

First time, long time. I was part of your life. Writing class, maybe about three years ago, more than three years ago now. But I didn't participate a lot. But in that time I've been trying to maintain a writing practice, a writing, writing, a daily writing practice. And for the most part, I've been able to do that.

So let me ask you a question. What is your intent? What's your goal?

Well, I self published a book, but I want to traditionally publish something.

Yeah, look, some of our. Some of our greatest writers self published, there's no question about that. But the problem is that I believe that the sincerest compliment is a check.

That clears the bank from a professional editor. Right?

That is what tells you that when they're willing to bet their mortgage on you, that's when you know that you've really accomplished something.

Right, Exactly.

Barkley said a celibate bunch of warriors have to. Jedi are not celibate. They're not. They can't have attachments, but Jedi are not celibate. Anyway, so is that a lightsaber in your pocket or you just. I'm sorry, so I. Your goal, if you were my student, your goal would be to sell a.

Story to a traditional publication. Cash. Right?

Right.

Then what? What? I had what. I ended up self publishing. I tried to. I tried to. I tried to sell it to Tor. Tour gave me one of the best ever rejection emails ever. It was very helpful. They told me that the talent was there, it was just the style that they weren't big on. And here were things in there that I couldn't.

So have you. So this was a novel.

It was a novella.

And now have you sold any short stories?

I'm trying to. I'm trying to work on creating a bunch of short stories. Okay?

So here. Here's what I need you to do. Here's what I need you to do. Simplify your responses. The answer to have you sold me short stories? Is no.

No.

Okay?

So your. If your first goal is to sell.

A short story, that's the what.

And let's say it's to sell a short story by the end of next year or by. When is your birthday?

November.

Okay.

By Your birthday next year, you will have sold three short stories. Okay, this is doable.

This is.

If you're already at a point where they're saying that the town is there, that means you're not that far off.

Okay?

So what you're going to do is if you would follow the six step program that we talk about. Here are the six steps. And this, this is all going on.

To YouTube so you can, you can.

Listen to it again.

But it's.

You probably remember this. Write at least one sentence every day.

Yep.

Write one to four short stories a month.

Edit and submit them.

Do not rewrite except editorial request. Read 10 times as much as you write. Repeat this process 100 times if you will. Follow that process path. The third story that you write, following my advice, keep it to around five.

Pages, send it to me and I.

Will, I'll critique it for. I'll give you a thousand dollars worth of free critique if you will do your part of this. I will take some of my time, which is precious.

Make no mistake.

I believe it.

And yeah, that's no joke. See, I literally, I can't afford to do that for less than $1,000, but I can afford to do it for free if I'm doing it within the context of a group. So people who are following my path, you are my peeps. You're my brothers and sisters. I care about you. So if you will do that, I will help you. I will help you see what it is you need to do if you will do your part of it. We're walking the same path. And while we're walking the path, you can show me a few pages. You're right there next to me.

So.

This is who I want to be in the space of this that we're creating here. And you should come to time for commercial here for a second. The screenwriting seminar, the Hollywoodloophole.com because of the donations of people who could afford to, we can actually provide very generous scholarships. You know, you go to www.hollywoodloophole.com. it's next weekend. It'll be right after I get finished doing this broadcast. If you want to come, just tell us what you can afford. It's not about the money. We want good students. We want people who really want to learn. So anybody who wants to come to that hollywoodloophole.com and watch Tananarive and I do our dance in an area in which we are world class, please come. We'll take any amount of money. Unfortunately, we can't do it for Free, because you have to have some skin in the game. But whatever you can afford, we'll take literally. So, you know, Hollywoodloophole.com come to that next week.

I'm gonna type it in my inbox. Yeah, I try to do three instead of one sentence a day. I try to do 350 words a day.

That's fine. But from my point of view, if you're going to follow my path after you've done one sentence, the rest of it is play. You can play for longer than that. But the discipline, the only discipline, the only thing where you crack the whip.

On yourself is one sentence.

If you need to make it one sentence before you eat breakfast, just force yourself to do the one sentence. And what you'll find is that you'll naturally flow more.

Right.

You know, it's not work anymore if you don't do want to do anything else. You've still done your minimum and you're talking to somebody who's published close to 4 million words of fiction. And I did that by only forcing.

Myself to write one sentence a day.

If you will force yourself to write one sentence a day, you can write a book every year because of the psychology of it. The psychology is that the first sentence is 90% of the work. Just getting yourself to sit down and, and forget about all the obstacles and doing the work. So, so promise, if you'll promise me one sentence, I'll get you to being published.

Writer.

I, I, I promise. The one sentence.

I promise.

All right.

You come here totally free. Not interested in your money. We are, we sure, we love to take your money, but that's not that, that's not what makes a difference. It makes a difference. Just we, we need to teach. Tananarive and I have been the recipient of massive fantastic largesse from wonderful people like Octavia and Larry Niven and Harlan Ellison and Robert Heinlein and all the people, Elon Harris, all the people who.

Helped us, the only way we can pay them back is by paying it forward.

So if you'll help me pay it.

Forward, we'll help you to get to.

The point where you can pay it.

Forward to somebody else. Deal? Deal.

All right, so listen, we're almost out of time here, and so what I'd love you to do is to unmute yourselves and everybody say goodbye to everybody.

Because we're about to, everybody.

See you next week.

Wonderful.

And thank you, thank you, thank you, all of you, for being here. This means so much to us. I hope you could feel how much.

We love doing this to build the.

Community, to help people to see all your smiling faces. You people are so beautiful to me. You're so beautiful to me. And I want you all to have a wonderful week. Join us next Saturday. Make sure to come to these if you want to write at all, come to the screenwriting seminar Hollywoodloophole.com pass that on to anybody, you know who wants to be a writer, as many as possible. We have room for everybody. We'll take, you know, because we made our nut. You know, the people have donated money. We don't need the full $197. We just don't. If you got the full $197, fantastic. That allows us to let more people in.

But we will take anything.

Take care. Be good to each other.

Be good to yourselves and the divinity within me salutes and acknowledges the divinity within each and every one of you. Namaste.

Take.