"Good Will Hunting" (1997) and finding your new tribe

Hello, Steve Barnes here with Life writing live. Just wanted to talk about the usual sort of things, applying film and mythology and storytelling to our lives. The lessons are all around us. Once you learn how to spot them, they really are. So once again, as always, if you enjoy this conversation, please share it. That's how we know what's going on. So today is about Good Will hunting, which was from 1997 Devon, and the art and science of finding your new tribe. So two years ago, approximately, I was climbing Dog Mountain in the Columbia gorge. It's a 3,000 foot peak. If you climb it in three hours, you're said to be fit enough to climb Kilimanjaro in Tanzania. So that was, you know, 15 years ago. My family was planning was climbing that gore, that mountain every weekend as we were testing our potential to climb Kilimanjaro itself. The earlier trip had been canceled. And for years, years later, I decided to kind of test my fitness and see whether or not I could still do it. How far was I from that earlier mark? So I felt fit, but you never know. So I parked in a riverside lot and then climbed and climbed through a series of switchbacks up rocks strewn dirt paths. And as I got higher, I saw fewer and fewer people. Most people turn back, frankly, if you're not ready for the climb, it's pretty brutal. And I hadn't done any climbing in a decade, so my entire body was burning. Every carefully measured breath was a struggle. Just like, just like one foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other. The last hour, there weren't any other people on the path. It felt like I was completely alone. The Columbia river getting smaller and smaller and smaller. As I continued to climb up, the voices in my head telling me to quit, turn back, you know, that I already pushed myself beyond the limit that I had agreed to. But that voice was lying. I'd agreed to discover if I climbed the top in three hours and if I was over that line, it was only five minutes. I was doing. I was doing okay. I didn't know how all the far short of the mark I was if I was short of the mark. So as I got closer to the top, something odd happened. I started meeting more people. There were more people around. Almost by magic, that sense of loneliness diminished and I started seeing the smiling faces of climbers who were coming back down the mountain. And they were greeting me at every turn. They were saying things like, almost there and you're doing great. So that was. It was kind of fascinating. It kind of you know, pumped up my energy some, which was great. So when I finally got to the top, there was a flattish place and grass and smooth rocks where I was able to sit down, eat my lunch, drink a little water and just sort of enjoy the view. There were about a dozen of us up there and we shared a sort of quiet unity. It was pretty cool, you know, it's like sort of we're the ones who made it. We're the ones who didn't turn back. You know, we're tired and we're aching and we were. But we did it. It was that we're all alone in this together feeling. There's a scene in the movie Good Will Hunting, one of many scenes in that movie that I really love. Two scenes, really. One is where Matt Damon is a gen janitor math prodigy at mit. His psychiatrist, Robin Williams, tells Stellan Skarsgard, Damon's MIT math professor, that the reason Damon hangs out with his blue collar friends, that any one of them would leap to his defense at any moment, put it rather colorfully to do with a baseball bat to the head, and that he stayed with these guys because we need tribe. You know, for a kid like Will Hunting, the eponymous character, an orphan who dreamed of having 12 brothers, you know, any group that would defend him from the abuse he suffered in childhood would be precious beyond belief, just a godsend. Over the course of the film, Will Hunting meets Skyler, played by Minnie Driver, a rich, brilliant medical student who falls in love with him, who has an earthy sexuality and a sense of humor that appeals to his street level friends, but also points the way to a better future. And she terrifies him as leaving his quote unquote lowly but honorable job as a custodian terrifies him. If he leaves his friends, if he leaves his chosen station in life, what will he have? If he trusts Skyler with his heart, if she leaves him, what will become of him? Untangling that ball, that snarl, exposing that fear, convincing Will Hunting that he is worth the risk, that there is a world beyond Boston. He's never been on a plane or even left the city requires the support of everyone around him, all his friends, his mentor, his psychiatrist, his loving girlfriend. And there is a scene where Ben Affleck, playing his best friend, tells him that his fondest wish is that one day Will and he will just take off, fulfill his genius destiny. Affleck's Chucky knows that Will needs him and also that Will is being crippled by his need. And in telling him point blank, go away, he's being the truest kind of friend. Go away. Fly. We'll be here if you ever need us. But if you can spread your wings and find new home, do. Will must have faith that he has to climb that mountain for alone for a while. But that if he does it, there'll be others on the far side. And they will be warm and welcoming. They'll say, hey, you're almost there. Keep climbing. Good job. Yeah. As you change, as you grow, you do go through times when you're going to be lonely. A lot of friends you know will drop away. They quit the karate lessons. They stop submitting their stories. They stop seeking true love. And they join the crowd of those saying that it's impossible to succeed, that the pain and struggle isn't worth it, that soulmates don't exist, that diet and exercise don't work, that balancing your checkbook is falling. But if you keep going, somehow, because you have faith in yourself or your companions are a higher power, you'll meet the others who've also struggled long and lonely, and have faith, and they will welcome you with open arms. Remember what they're going to say. Hey, you're here. Isn't that wonderful? And the friends who supported you along the way and then let you go further than they could have. They're real friends. They'll be happy for you. If they weren't real friends, you needed to leave them anyway. Don't be afraid to be alone for a time. That's the way you meet your true tribe, you know. Strange, isn't it? So anyway, thanks for joining us. And the one thing you need on that journey is that connection within yourself. That's why we do. The Ancient Child www.the ancientchild.com There are many ways to make that connection within you. I simply pray you find one that works for you. Take care. Bye. Bye.