Lifewriting Live 1 17 21

Greetings and welcome to Life Writing Live. You'll notice it's 12:04. I'm going to be trying to do these specifically and directly at noon on Sundays, noon my time Pacific. But today I had some downloading to take care of, and I wanted to get that taken care of so I wouldn't be stressing the connection. Love you guys. A lot to talk about today. I hope to see some of you asking questions, but allow me to introduce myself. My name is Stephen Barnes. I'm a writer, martial artist, and most importantly, a husband and father. I say father and husband because my kids are more important to me than anything in the world. And I've spent my life trying to determine how to be more conscious, more aware, a better father, better husband, better writer, better martial artist, and to find the place inside me that connects all of these things, such that doing simple things has multiple effects. To the degree that I found some things that might be interesting, I'm eager to share them with you. All you have to do is let me know what it is that I can do. The most important things. First of all, this hour of conversation has been brought to you by the Warrior's Journey course, which can be found at www.realwarriorsjourney.com. so getting that out of the way, let's talk about what's in there so that you can get as much value from it as possible. I mean, the fact is that if we provide scholarships to people, this is not about making money. I make my money writing, especially for television. Right now, things are going very, very well there. But I love teaching. And anything that I can do to help any of you in any way, I will try to do. It's not that I have answers. Some of you will think that I have answers. That's fantastic. But what I really hope to have is interesting questions. So the most important pieces of the puzzle are relatively simple. There may be no. There may be about 10 of them. I don't know. The Hero's Journey, Campbell's Hero's Journey, the chakras, just a few basic notions that then interact to create this life writing system, which was about the application of the Hero's journey to your own life in advance. Other things came later and added to it and rounded it and created a circle and then a sphere. So in investigating these things, in making an inquiry into these things, what I'm really doing is I'm talking about my own life and what it is that I need to do in the next week. Where do babies come from? From Fun. That's where they come from. Yes. And as the Dalai Lama said, the meaning of life is to seek joy. So babies, in that sense are the meaning of life from one very real perspective. So if I take a look at what it is that I've got up this week, the things that are most important for me to do this week, and then we'll apply these principles to that. In talking through these things with you, I'm really talking through them to myself. I'm asking myself, what do I need to do to be the best husband and father I can be? And what are my needs and desires and goals? There's what do I need to be to be the best martial artist I can be? What are my specific goals and so forth in that arena, such that I know what behaviors will prepare me to meet those goals, and what can I do in terms of my career? We're about to get hit with an avalanche of work where every day it's going to be critical to write five pages of a project and then to polish and work and to not get scared by the volume of work that's coming at us and how important it is and how many people are counting on us and the level of excellence that we want to attain. These are the things, and they're important. If I was to take a look at body, mind, spirit, because one of the core things would be to take the three gates, which I've been speaking of a lot, and I'll be really pushing them for the rest of this month. I don't know how much longer. Whenever people ask me about them, I'm certainly going to investigate them, but they come primarily, or my source of them is primarily from Sufism, but you can also find them in Yoga and Buddhism. The three gates would be the questions, is it true? Is it kind? Is it useful? You combine those three gates with the three centers, the belly, brain, the heart center, the head center, the body, the. The emotions and the intellect. Hunting and gathering, for instance, problem solving on that level. And by the interaction of these two things, the three gates and the three centers, I suspect that it is possible to create a complete philosophy system that has to do with everything that is useful and good in life and moving us in that direction. And since, as I said, the Dalai Lama said that the. The meaning of life is to seek joy, and I accept that it seems to be in alignment with basic biology. All animals move away from pain toward pleasure. The question is going to be how can we experience the greatest amount of joy in life in alignment with Our ethics in alignment with what is good for our community, our families, in alignment with our own souls, our own hearts. These are important questions, you know, can I be a good person and successful? So I believe that the combination of these two things are, you know, there are going to be other paths, other ways of looking at these things. Many, many wonderful teachers, many wonderful books and lectures and things on the question of how shall we live together and how shall we live within our own hearts? But I don't know of anything more powerful than these. Well, Maslow's pyramid is absolutely part of. In Jeffrey is absolutely part of what I've been talking about. Because life writing is a combination of the hero's journey and the chakras, which the hero's journey is about what the hero does, but the chakras are about what the hero is. And to a certain degree, the hero's journey is about the movement from one level of being to another. You solve this problem and then you immediately get a new problem, but you get a new problem at a higher level. Maslow's hierarchy of human needs and the yogic chakras and a few other things like, oh, God, Milton Erickson's view of what it is that human beings are in the world. And there are other principles as well. The classic Greek triad of body, mind and spirit connects to that as well. So the Maslow's hierarchy of human needs is absolutely part of the structure without which we can't understand what we are as human beings. If you do understand Maslow, you have your own interpretation of that and you can align that with both whatever spiritual principles that you have in your life as well as animal behavior, I think you have a very strong foundation to be able to say, well, what do I do in this situation? So let's look at some things. If you have any questions, comments, requests, please feel totally free to put them into the comment section. I'd love to see your names and I love, you know, imagine your faces and any questions at all, any comments, questions or requests at all that you have, ask them and I will try to answer them. So if I was to take a look at the three things that are most up for me this week in terms of family, it is caring for my son who has just turned 17. He is a young man now. He's 6 foot 3, 6 foot 4, weighs 230, 240 pounds, and he is starting to really ask the right questions about what is it going to be to be out in the world. He would like very much to work with Me in my business, coaching people and so forth and so on. And I can think of few things I'd rather do than have my son with me. Hello, Michelle. You're late to the party. No problem. Good to see you, darling. So helping prepare. What is my job with Jason? It is to prepare him not to need me. That would strike me as being the best thing that is to teach him. And if I can teach him the three gates, then he is going to be a strong, healthy, safe, loving, protective human being. He is very much a warrior personality. So he needs to understand what is worthy of protection in life to not fight for ego. He can fight for ego now. I mean, he's a kid. His backyard mixed martial arts sessions with his friends. Prior to COVID 19, one of the things he really enjoyed, they had fight club at school, and so he got into that. But it's all just guys banging bodies with other guys. Makes sense to me. But the question is for him to know what is worth fighting for, when to fight. Matthew Mason says, as a father of a multiracial family, what can you tell me about preparing my kids in this often racially tense society? Promise that I will get to that. Good. Good question. And I'm honored to be able to. If I can provide any value for you on that. So stand by. I promise that. I promise that I'll get to that. So that's the primary thing for Jason. To be healthy in body, to be loving in spirit, to have for fear to be in the proper position in his life. You don't get rid of fear. You use it. You use it to power your actions. It's fuel. If you stamp on your fuel, you're not going to get anywhere. For fire goes out and his mind to be able to hunt and gather, to solve the problems in his life, to understand, to use the mind partially to understand the limitations of the mind, the things that the mind cannot do. So if I could do that, that would be great, or the ordinary mind cannot do. We're not talking about the deep mind, the spiritual mind, the akashic records and the human unconscious and things like that arguably have infinite potential. Just arguably an infinite, as a term, meaning more potential than you probably ever realized. Not, you know, it's tricky and there are limitations to language, but so that would be with Jason, to just help him feel comfortable in his own skin, moving out, being a man, being able to form ethical relationships with lovely young ladies and gentlemen and to provide goods and services to his community that allow him to live in the style that he'd like to live in alignment with his ethical sense. And to be an ethical badass would be what I want for him. So that's Jason. And to make sure to protect my relationship with my wife, my relationship with my sister, my relationship with my darling daughter Nikki. Then there is. So that's the emotional self, my heart. Then there is career stuff. I want to be able to move out into these opportunities, these career opportunities we have right now, which are massive. I mean, really, we're getting all the opportunities that I've been waiting for my whole life. And so I want to. I want to be worthy of them, and I want to perform them at the very highest level. If I give it everything I have and fail, I can live with that. But if I fail and I feel like I could have done better and I didn't take it seriously, I thought this was just a dress rehearsal. I can fix it later. No, no, no, no, no. Bring it. I have to give everything I've got then. If things don't work out, I can honestly say I try. The last thing would be my body, my physical. Now, in that sense, physically, I feel very healthy, very strong. And I want to attend a Filipino martial arts conference next year, next March in Manila. And so I want to raise my fitness and skill a level so that, you know, so that I can go there and represent my American martial arts community with integrity and learn as much as possible, and to feel like my fitness is allowing me to focus my mind on learning rather than on gasping for air. So it's. That has motivated me to rethink a lot of things about my workout schedule, and it gives me a motivation. I mean, ordinarily, my motivation is just being alive, but there's also being attractive to my wife. You know, I want to look good when I step out of the shower, quite frankly, you know, And I also need to be a father to a young tiger. You know, Jason is no joke. He is a full. He's a full grown man in terms of how strong he is and how fast he is, because he was involved in martial arts from the time he was young. So from time to time, he tests dad. He's stronger than me. He's certainly bigger than me. So what's fun is to show him that I'm still strong and I can still take him. You know, it's. It's. He knows he could hurt me if he hit me. He's strong enough to break bones now, so it's not that. And I do not envy him that. I do not begrudge him that this is his time. You know, I've had my time and I've still got my time in my way. But this is the time for him to be finding out who and what it is that he is. So in terms of all those things, career things, family things, and my physicality, I want to be able to apply, you know, is it true? Is it kind, is it useful? Am I taking care of body, mind, spirit? Boom. So the interaction of those six things creates an interference pattern and it gives me a way to question my behaviors and actions. Let me move specifically into questions. We have some questions here. Matthew Mason said, as a father of a multiracial family, what can you tell me about preparing my kids this often racially tense society? I would say the primary thing is to make sure that they know they're not hallucinating. There really are issues between racial tribes and that it is not their fault, but it is their responsibility to make a life of meaning, to be strong. So to love themselves and take care of themselves, to be able to protect themselves. I mean, I don't know what races you're speaking of there, but if it's black and white, then they are really going to have to shut their minds to a lot of negative feedback. Not as much as they would have to have done 20 years ago or 30 or 40 or 50, but it still is not equal territory. They're not hallucinating about that. But once again, they can't allow their anxiety, their fear, their resentment, their anger to turn to negative emotions because that just chews them up. So you have to prepare them to be strong and clear. I would say three gates, three sinners. But I had some thoughts about race and gender today that I will. I wasn't sure I was going to share them with you, but it coming out of a conversation that I was having with several primarily women over the last couple of days about what my attitudes are. And I thought that it would be useful for me to clarify for myself where those attitudes come from and these things apply equally to race and gender. There are some different ways to interpret these things, but I think that these 10 things that I came up with this morning, just kind of writing my thoughts down might be useful. Okay, the first one is an assumption of equality of mind and spirit that's just that is faith based. I can't prove it, but I'm willing to die on that mountain. That is my position. Basically across lines of race and gender. We are equal in mind and spirit across those groups, not as individuals. Individuals vary quite a bit. But I'm willing to take the position that between the groups there is equality. The implications of that are not as simple as you would think. Another principle is that living things move away from pain toward pleasure. Another is that survival, personal and genetic, is the most universal concern. Now these things interact with each other. So when you see people who are disadvantaged, people who believe in racial differences, who believe that races are genetically less or more capable than one another, are going to be people who look at negative circumstances in life, poverty, crime, statistics, so forth, and they're going to say, see, that's evidence of their different nature. I would say that that is evidence because I start with a belief in equality. That is evidence that the situation is different, that the context is different, the programming is different. Not, you know, the computers are the same, the hardware is the same, but the software is different. Or the way that stuff has been used by society has created, you know, crashes and conflicts. So that's my position. I think it is a healthy position because it blames no one. It's asking us to examine the question, what is it to be human? Rather than the question what is it to be white? Or what is it to be black? Okay, number four is tribes can exterminate each other, but men and women are two sides of the same coin. So the way these things work out are different. If you examine that, there are once again implications that are not always comfortable, but none of them stop us from seeing a future in which every man, every woman, every white person, every black person has a chance to rise to the greatest capacity that they're capable of. And like I said, since I start with an assumption of the basic equality of mind and spirit, I can't imagine anything else is really necessary there. Five, if you have to consider your opponent to be a fool or knave to understand their position, you're probably not thinking deeply enough and you're actually a part of the problem. So if you look at a racist or a sexist and you don't ask yourself, where is this coming from? How do they see the world? What is, you know, the negative aspects of this belief are obvious. But why do they think that this is positive? Everybody is trying to move away from pain toward pleasure. So everybody's trying to make sense of the world in a way that it decreases the pain in their lives. Can I empathize with them? But when you're doing that, you better first start with the truth. Remember the three gates, that you have the right to self defense, you have the right to Protect yourself. If you don't start with that truth, then you could think, oh, you know, my compassion for other people is going to make me vulnerable. No, not if you start with the belief that you have the right to defend yourself. That's where you start. Basic animal stuff. Maslow's hierarchy. Survival trumps everything. I don't care what your politics are. I don't care whether or not you're depressive. I don't care if you're suicidal. If I took your head and stuck it in a bucket of water, you would fight for your life. That's, that's the third rail of human psychology is just survival. So anchor everything there. How does, how does this negative behavior fit in with their worldview? What is the positive thing they're trying to do? At the very least, they think that they're increasing their chances of survival. On a personal or tribal level. They might be dead wrong, but it's useful to understand them if you're trying to communicate with them or just deal with them. Number six, anger is a mask over fear. When you're trying to understand a negative action, ask what they are afraid of. If you can't trace it back to personal or tribal extinction, you may not have gone deeply enough. 7. Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have. Give someone new resources and you give them new choices. Eight, There are people whose default is, if I have not seen or heard of it, it doesn't exist. My assumption, you know, that's a faith based position. They can't prove that. I can try to disprove it. I've disproven it many times in the sense of we've tried everything. No, you didn't try this over here. So you can't say that you tried everything. My belief is that if you tried everything, you would have solved it. But it's not possible to try everything because we have finite time and energy and intelligence and creativity and capacity. So we're always going to miss something. But I will believe. My faith based position is there's an answer to any problem. I may or may not have the time, creativity and intelligence to find it. But there is an answer, or there was an answer, I just didn't find it. Number nine, to influence someone, you must first understand what already influences them. Failing to extend your own humanity to your opponents is the fastest way to get it wrong. And number 10 is people say, I don't need to understand my enemies. To me that's like a hunter saying, I don't need to understand the animal that's trying to kill me. It's a great way to underestimate or mischaracterize their actions or potential, which is a great way to die quick. So start with their sense of self worth. Start with making sure that they love themselves enough to know that they have the right to protect themselves. Then help them choose good associations, because they're going to need a tribe of people in the world who can watch their back and it can help them understand things that they do not understand. But be sure that you start with them loving themselves. That more important. And in terms of loving themselves, I had somebody say, ask, no matter what I do lately, I am feeling pain, not happiness. If the meaning of life is to seek joy and you find yourself in pain, then that is something to be addressed. Because in that sense, at that moment, you're not living. Now, this is where it goes back to the basic thing that I teach out of the warrior's journey in life, writing, which is the five minute miracle, which is every three hours you stop and you breathe intensely, belly breathing. You go onto YouTube and find a video on deep diaphragmatic breathing. And every three hours, you spend 60 seconds doing deep, slow diaphragmatic breathing. Set your watch. Do this. Invariably, people who talk about being stressed out will forget to do this or not do this. And that breaks my heart because if you can handle the physiology of the stress, you stop it from becoming strained and strain is the problem. Strain is what puts you into a tunnel where you don't see any joy, you don't feel any aliveness, and you have the right to aliveness in your life. I've said goodbye to a lot of people that I love over the last 12 months. This has been horrible, just horrible. And every day I also have people I need to serve. My family, my friends, my students, my community. And so how do I deal with the death, the pain, the fear, the upset, and still function in the world with joy? That is an important question, and you need to have your answer to that question. It's not necessarily going to be my answer, but if you were to ask me my answer, that is where I would start with breathing five times a day. If you're really having a problem, then just do it at the top of every hour. 60 seconds. Now, the next step after you've done that is to create a morning ritual we call a magic ritual, where you are, you know, let's say that you're going to need a physical activity, call it walking. And you're going to. While you're walking, you're going to be chanting affirmations out loud. It must be out loud. And you're also focusing your mind on positive things in your life, the things that you feel. This is my blessing. If you have a hard time finding anything that you feel positive about, then I would suggest to you that you think about the things that you would miss if you lost them. Because the things that you miss, if you would miss your eyesight, if you lost it, then why not give gratitude for the fact that you have your eyesight now? You know, if you would miss your family, your friends, your Internet connection if you lost it, why not feel grateful for what you have now? So that magic ritual, which is having a map or model of what you want, that's m the daily actions that you take to bring your long term goals into existence, the flood of gratitude, your clear intentions for what it is that you're trying to accomplish and the conviction or courage that you can and should move in this direction. You can and should take these daily actions, have these goals. If you have the belief that trying to accomplish your goals is going to create more pain than pleasure, then you're never going to do it. You have to believe, you have to have that confidence. And the truth is that those five things, if you have a zero in any one of those categories, you're going to fall into depressive, lack of action or wrong action and you're just going to swim in a circle until you drown. You're going to drive your car until it runs out of gas. Don't want that. So the morning or magic ritual, M a G I C is a critical part. So I would start there. Anybody says I am depressed, I don't have any drive, I don't have any motivation. I'd start with the five minute miracle and then move them from there to the magic formula. And I would ask them, what are you doing? What are you saying? Tell me about your ritual. In fact, show me your ritual. Show me your body language, your facial expression for five to 20 minutes. Fake it till you make it. You're putting all the basic aspects of yourself in one place at one time. And that's what you're going to need to bring the best that you've got to your life. And if success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal, I think that I forget who said that. W Clement Stone or somebody like that. I like that. Then choosing the right goal and moving towards it and feeling that you're making progress is one of the greatest ways to feel happy. In the world, you have the right to feel happiness, not pain. Let's see, there was a question. Getting control of your sleep schedule. I need more specificity about that. But I know I need eight hours of sleep a night so I don't mess with that. Anytime I get less than that, I start getting sick. So I would protect that at all costs and I would start stacking techniques. In other words, if someone says, well, why don't you try hot tea? Why don't you try stretching before bed? Why don't you try not watching any television within an hour of bedtime? Why don't you try not eating within three hours of bed? I would do all that stuff. I would take at least three different things, and I do them all at the same time. Keep a journal of how it's working so that I can start identifying the patterns that work and do not work. Fighting anxiety around work when it interferes with getting your workout done. Well, first of all, deal with the anxiety with your five minute miracle. The breathing, that's the fear stuff. Get rid of that or deal with that and put it in its proper place in your life. But your workout, you know, a good workout can take no more than 10 minutes. You know, the five Tibetans are a perfectly fine basic workout. By the time you can do 21 repetitions of each of those five movements, which only takes between 10 and 15 minutes, you're in pretty good shape. You know, I've never seen anybody who could do 21 repetitions of each of those who wasn't in pretty decent shape. You don't need more than that, especially if you combine it with walking. You just walk a little bit further than you usually do. But even if all you can do is the Tibetans, that's great. It simply doesn't take a lot of time and less time it takes you to go to the gym or change your clothes. You can get your entire workout done. So once Again, go to YouTube. YouTube is your friend. And research five Tibetans. Do it. Look for the home workouts that will be powerful for you. I've got. There's so many body weight workouts. There's a guy named Matt Fury used to create these. These cards. It's a deck of cards. And each of the cards, each of the suits, is a different basic exercise. And let's see, spades are a V up, diamonds are a Hindu P, hearts are a Hindu squat, and clubs are table makers. Okay, Table makers. So all you do is you take a deck of cards, designate four body weight exercises, or you could do kettlebell exercises or anything else to a different suit. Deal the deck, do the number of exercises that you come up with on the card. See how far you can make it through the deck. If you've chosen your exercises right, by the time you've gone through that whole deck, you've wiped yourself out. Ten minutes of the right exercises can do more than an hour of the wrong exercises. So be smart about it. But do not miss dealing with your body because primary way that you protect your health. Okay. Says people need community and you'll always be part of your son's community as long as you last. Amen to that, Larry. Thank you 100%. I'm going to be there for my boy every day of my life and he's going to know how much I love him. Hillary Kelly says, I love the way you prioritize your children. It's long sad me that American popular culture has sometimes pushed parents to place their children below the couple relationship and work. This is very counter Darwinian and cheats parents in the end out of a great deal of satisfaction. Hillary, I could not agree with you more. My children are above everything and my wife knows it. She knows that if I had to choose between her and my children, I would choose my children, period. And I would expect that she would make the same choice, period. That that is actually the foundation of our life. You know, in that sense our love created these children to honor our love, we must honor and protect those children until they are strong enough to protect themselves. Okay. Aw, crap. Aklar said. Ah, crap. Means I have to load Facebook on my phone. Maybe next time when I'm on the desktop. Good luck to you, Steven. Hope everything goes well in this session. I will be. These sessions are all recorded and I will be putting it putting up on YouTube so you'll be able to see. No, you're not going to miss anything. Not just when Jeffrey Getson says not just what to fight for, but also when to fight for it. As Sun Tzu pointed out, the best fights are the ones you've already won before the forces meet. Absolutely. I don't fight over anything that I'd not be willing to die for. And that gives you power when you do that. I think in my mind I was speaking to a gentleman, a very wise gentleman, a grandmaster in the martial arts and a clinical psychologist as well as a man of deep spirit. And I am having him coach me because I want to move forward into this next phase of my life with the greatest power and integrity that I can. And one of our conversations had to do with the martial arts, that the, the ethics of the martial arts, the insistence on peacefulness and things of that nature, that part of the reason for that is to be in alignment with the universe, to get all ego out of it. You don't fight over trivial things. You only fight for things you'd be willing to die for. Your sacred honor, your family, your life itself. And that by being polite and courteous to the attacker, it seems like you're being weak. But what you're really doing is you're removing any possible potential justification that they have to want to attack you. And what that means is that they are putting you in the position. They don't realize this. They're putting you in the position where you can go all out without any concerns for legality or what you look like, whether you're going to look good or actually if you're fighting for something you'd be willing to die for. You don't even care if you're hurt. You are forcing them to put you in a position that is your strongest position, while simultaneously you're putting them in their weakest position because they have no justification for wanting to hurt you. All they have is their ego. And ego cannot deal with reality. The core principle of the martial arts is the idea, I'm ready to die and I'm ready to take you with me. You have that. It's like Don Callan, my beloved teacher, said, show me a woman protecting her child, I'll show you self defense. See, that's the thing right there. If you're fighting over something and you're worried about how you look or what people are going to think, or whether you go to jail, you are not fighting over something that's actually worth dying for. Never fight for, for anything. When you'd be worried about what the, what the police are going to say or what the courts would say, you know, they'd give them your wallet, walk away. So it's, you know, it is. You never fight. Once a fight starts, you cannot control what's going to happen or how badly you and, or the other person might be hurt. So what you do is you be sure before it ever gets started that you have done everything, everything in your power to keep it from becoming physical. And then if it does, well, as one of my teachers said, you're a primate. Use a tool. What the heck is karate about? Hit him with a chair. I mean, seriously. So Matthew Mason said, thanks, Steve. I also got big boys, six three, £240, and young men of color. I love them, and they are flying the coop. Well, maybe our sons will meet one day. Wouldn't that be nice? It says, doug Odell says, I just got a great T shirt for Christmas. It says, just be a good human. Be humble. Be kind. Spread joy, peace and love. Oh, my God. Thank you. Absolutely. If you will give me a personal message with where you got that T shirt, if you know where you got it. I'd love to have one. That's perfect. All right. I can't do humble. You know, I. In everything that I'm good at. I know people are much better than me. Everything, Everything. So. And many of them, you'd never know how good they were at whatever the thing is. And so it's a good idea to not get in anybody's face under any circumstances, even if it's just, you know, for self defense, for self preservation. You don't want to mess with people. You have no idea who they really are underneath it all. Okay. I'm not sure it's still a good lesson to want to be the superior physical Alpha over your growing son. Been there. Too physical. It's a good idea as long as he's dependent in my house because he is a warrior and he needs that physical pushback. If I did not have that physical pushback, he would try to take over the house. That's part of what Alphas do. He is an alpha wolf cub. So I remember when he was a little boy, you know, every night I would go in his room to say goodnight to him, and every night he would beat the hell out of me. He would just jump all over me. I remember it was just confusing to me. It's like I finally asked him one day, he's maybe 7, 8 years old. I said, why do you beat the hell out of me every night? I didn't say, hell, I said, why do you beat me up every night? He just looked at me as if I was crazy and said, that's how boys play. And I got it. And it's true. And it actually recontextualized an entire life of observing guys. Because being raised by my mother and my sister, I actually didn't know how guys were. And I misinterpreted a massive amount of behavior as being negative when what it really was was hierarchical. And there is negative behavior that's hierarchical, and there's positive behavior that's hierarchical. He needs to know that if he walks the path, I'm offering him him, it will give him a good life. So what does he want to know. He wants to know that I am successful financially. He wants to know that I am happy, self loving, and that I have a happy, healthy relationship with his mom, who is the source of love in his life, and his sister, who is the source of all good things in the world for Jason, and that I am strong enough to protect myself. He knows I'm a good deal, you know, I'm much older than I wish I was for a son as physically vigorous as he is. But if he knows that I'm still vigorous, I'm still strong, that I still work out, that he believes 100% that I can still kick ass in the street if I needed to, he knows that I represent what he would like to be. Strong, healthy, loving, successful. To the degree that I can exemplify the things that I know he wants, it is easier for me to say, not that you're on the wrong path. Try this over here. If I could not exemplify those things, I'd be asking him to take it on faith. I mean, I'm asking him to take it on faith anyway. But to the degree that you've seen somebody finish a jigsaw puzzle, it's reasonable to ask them advice on finishing jigsaw puzzles. If someone has never finished a jigsaw puzzle, they might or might not have good advice about it. But a person who has finished one can almost be guaranteed to have better advice than a person who never has. So to the degree that I know what he wants, and what he wants is to be a man. In other words, he wants to be an adult human being of his phenotype, his genetics, the expression of who it is that he is. And that means independence, being able to hunt and gather. That means being able to satisfy his sexual desires with ethics. And if I don't think that in his virtual reality world he is surrounded by little girls who are noticing how gorgeous and big he is and who are not giving him suggestions about what they would do with him if they were alone in private, I'm being pretty naive. So his little engine is revving up. He's going to want a car, he wants a job, he wants a roof over his head, he wants a pretty girl on his arm. So to the degree that I can say, walk this path of integrity and you will have all of those things and more, if I exemplify that, then it's easier for him to believe. So physically dominating him, he's stronger than I am, but that doesn't mean I don't have better balance. That doesn't mean that I can't turn his charges and impale him on my elbows in his throat. It doesn't mean any number of different things. And I can do those things as a Dwayne. And he loves it. He loves it. He loves knowing that I can take him. He also loves knowing that I now see that my boy could have my back. It's like, oh, my God, my son could actually protect me. I mean, if we were together and things went down, we would be able to make a good account of ourselves. We could stand back to back. I could absolutely trust him to do the best he can do, and he could absolutely trust me. And that connection is an important one in the world. It matters to a young man especially, who is still trying to work out his male stuff entirely. Time. He will go beyond a lot of those things. But right now, while he's asking, what is it to be a man and can I do that? This is not the time to say there's more than being a man. No, no, no. First, let him become an ethical man. Then he can step away from that and ask, what is it to just be human in the world? First, there's certain behaviors and attitudes that he needs to have an unconscious competence so that he can function. So I know that a lot of the things that I am in life came from two different things. The wish to be admired by the kinds of men I admired and to be desired by the kinds of women I desired. It wouldn't make a whole lot of sense to have the admiration of people I don't respect or to be attractive only to women who aren't attractive to me. So that's my tribe. And in trying to become strong and healthy and good, the question of those two things, who are the people I respect and desire was very important to me. Now, was that the most evolved way I could have addressed those things? I think not, but it was honestly what helped me. Let's see, what problem is this person trying to solve with his racism? If he's a racist, it's. He believes that in a particular thing. My definition of racism is to attribute differential worth or capacity on the basis of race or ethnicity. So racism isn't necessarily trying to accomplish anything. And it grows out of their attempt to solve the question, maybe what is true and they've come to this conclusion. But they're bigoted actions. A bigoted action. A person could take racism and combine it with compassion, and what you're going to get is noblesse oblige. I have an obligation because I'm better, and I know people like that. But they could also do the. They're not as good as me, so I need to destroy them. I need to repress them. You know, there are all kinds of different things. So you look at their behaviors, their attitudes, what do they do? Given their view of the world and of humanity, what actions do they take that will tell you. Any action they take is trying to move away from pain toward pleasure. The question a person can be a good person and believe in racial differences, or a person can believe there are no differences between the races and be a serial killer. So the quality of morality of a person is not directly tied to their concepts of humanity. I might disagree with those concepts hugely, but I'm still going to care more about what is the nature of their character. If I didn't feel that way, I wouldn't be able to love my country. I wouldn't be able to admire our forefathers because racism was the standard. You know, it was exceptional to even question it. So I'm not going to hate all those people or think that there was something wrong with all those people. I will consider those to be people of their time. Is it now we can do better. Okay. I would say racism is based in fear. I would say that bigoted actions are based in fear. Racism is just a belief about the relative nature of human beings. You can be programmed to be racist and not be afraid at all. That's just the truth. But when you act violently in a bigoted way, repressively, those things are going to be based on fear. Dawkins put an argument from personal incredulity. Matthew Mason says, I'm Caucasian. My kids are Southeast Asian and brown skin. Imagine me having the discussion of walking while black with them. Difficult, but necessary. But not deep enough. Thanks for your many ideas. You're very welcome. And anything I can do to help you, any resource I can be to you, I'm here. I've been incredibly blessed with the teachers that I have and the. The basic capacities that I was given that enabled me to solve the problem. Standing between me and being joyful in terms of my career, in terms of my physical health, in terms of finding love in my life. And the only way I can pay those teachers back is by passing it on. So if there's something I can do, do not hesitate to task me with it. I have resources and I love to share them. Okay, cool. It is important to recognize that understanding someone's behavior is not the same thing as justifying or excusing that behavior. Thank you, sir. Thank you, Jeffrey. That is absolutely the case. Understanding why a tiger wants to eat you is not the same as not killing the tiger. It just isn't. It's actually helping you understand things about the tiger that will help you kill it, if that's what you need to do. That's why I say you first have to connect with the part of you that has one 100% belief in your right and in some ways responsibility to protect yourself and your family and the things you hold sacred. Understanding humanity and loving humanity does not mean not protecting yourself. The people who taught you that were confused, in my opinion. Okay, I need your handbook. The best handbook I have on these things is the Warrior's Journey. That is, to be totally honest with you, The Warrior's Journey. Www.realwarriorsjourney.com and anyone who needs that course and cannot afford it, genuinely cannot afford it, reach out to me. We have a limited number of scholarships and I just want people to be happy and healthy. I really do. And if there's something I can do to facilitate that, please let me know and I'll do what I can. Okay. Don't expect immediate gratification. Larry Caldwell says it took me decades to accomplish my goals. Now that I'm elderly, Mission accomplished. My worthy goal is to join myself and exit gracefully. Absolutely, Larry. A lot of my emphasis right now is how do I have a good death? How do I make sure that my son is a good man who does not need me? I want him to want me, but I don't want him to need me. The question of immediate gratification. If it is true that all animals will move away from pain toward pleasure, then how do you explain discipline? How do you expect people work out hard, who work long hours, who are willing to accept pain because they see the pleasure on the other side as being greater. Sometimes that can go up to including accepting death or torture. Because you believe in something that is bigger than your ego, you're willing to have your body violated in order to preserve something that you believe in deeply. Those cases, those people are among the most extraordinary that the human race has produced. Doesn't get better than that. But that's. That's extraordinary. That's not normal. It's not what you expect. Okay, so when you see it, study it, what creates the kind of clarity that makes it possible for this person to accept long term discipline? I've known extraordinary people in that sense in my own life. I reckon that it would take 30 years for the culture to shift Enough for me to be able to fulfill my dreams through racism. And it was going to take another generation and a half, maybe two generations, for the culture to shift enough for me to be able to tell the stories I wanted to tell and do the things I wanted to do. And the question was, how do I maintain myself? How do I keep my heart alive all that time? Somehow I've managed to do it because, yeah, I think the culture is there now. And my major question is, is there enough of me left? I've taken a lot of damage. You know, I'm not, I'm not as cocky as I used to be in that way. But on the other hand, that cockiness was false, was bravado. I knew I needed to feel cocky and to project cockiness because the world simply does not respect weakness. You want to get what it is that you want. You have to show the. You have to bring it. You have to give the world the impression that you know who you are and you have to feel within yourself that you know who you are. But that's still not the real thing. And under pressure, that ego shell will crack. And it did for me. But luckily the work that I had done had centered me to the place that even when my ego shell cracked, what emerged was even stronger. So my attitude now is pretty close to what one of my teachers, shamanic teachers, teachers and martial arts instructors, Harley Swift Deer Reagan, said that about every seven years you go through a death and if you don't voluntarily put yourself through experiences that crack your cosmic aid, crack your self image, then life will do it for you. I've done it myself and I've had life do it for me. It's more pleasant to do it yourself. We should chat some time. But this was awesome. Last half the drop. We should chat sometime. I'm sure we will. I'm sure we will. Tom Barkley said. Until a month ago, I was living in Memphis in the open carry state of Tennessee. One day last year I was going into a store a parked car's width away from me. A black man was coming out of the store, passing me on the other side of the car. He was wearing a Wakanda Forever shirt, so I guess we had something in common. He was also wearing a holstered sidearm, but that didn't bother me, so I said loudly, wakanda Forever. And did the salute. I was surprised at his response. Profound anger on his face, in his eyes. I don't recall his hand moving to his holstered weapon. Might have, might not. I got the Feeling I did something wrong. He felt I took something away from him, perhaps. What does it sound like to you? Sounds to me like he thought you were mocking him and that that hurt his ego and he perceived you as an enemy. If he carries a weapon, then he believes that there are lethal threats in the world. Of course there are, but he's chosen to be prepared for that. He's someone who's seeing threats and it is unfortunate as far as I'm concerned. I will laugh my ass off and done the salute back. And matter of fact, I'm wearing my Wakanda shirt right here. Black Panther, Wakanda forever. The P. Larry Caldwell says the peace that comes from martial arts is the freedom from fear. When I was 17, I placed fourth in the high school wrestling tournament. Yes. I woke up to the fact that only three guys in the state could take me and two of them were good friends. The fear that all young people went away, it let me feel comfortable in situations that would cause most people anxiety. Good for you, Larry. I'm, you know, peace in your path. You get it. You get it. Because if you're not afraid, fear masks itself as violence, as anger, and anger turns to violence. So people who are not afraid or have the proper relationship with their fear are not the problem in the world. They're not the ones out in the street. People who are out in the street are feeling fear and that fear is driving their action. If they are violent, then they have lost control of that connection. Their motivations can be valid and very understandable, but they've still lost control and feel, unfortunately. Okay. The shirt was produced by a YouTuber called Jamal, aka Jamal. He does reaction video. Oh, that must be the one about. About being good, good human. Matthew Mason. Good point about having. About having your kids also be protective. We recently went to support a friend who was facing down an abusive boyfriend. I said I would go help. My eldest son's oldest son stepped in and said, not without me. I was never prouder in that moment. Wasn't that wonderful? You have a strong baby boy who loves you and has the values that you treasure. I can't think of anything in life I'd rather have than knowing that I've been a good father. That was a lesson for me. I thought my career was the most important, important thing in my life. Boy, I got disabused of that notion. No, it is not. My family is by far the most important thing in my life. Your father, Cecil Washington. Your father and son Wisdom is really speaking to me. Thank you. And thank you Cecil. And if there's anything I can do to support you, just reach out to me, let me know. Matthew Mason the issue of tribalism and the relative intransitiveness of people, their tribal position is difficult for me. Me so of counsel that we should not waste our efforts trying to change the other's racist view, but instead focus on protecting and rooting out our own tribe. What to do? Until you feel safe, focus on your own self protection and focus on protecting your tribe. Once you feel safe, it is safe for you to extend your love to others and attempt to reach them. But don't try to argue out of it. Start from love. Start by building webs of connection, building building bridges of common reality. First, gain rapport with them. Believe in their humanity enough to ask the question what are they afraid of? How do they see the world? And to be willing to enter into their world and with the commitment that when you walk away from them, you want them to feel better than they felt when you walk toward them. If you can do that, if you can love them, if you can see their humanity despite the issues, you can change them. But be sure to start by being protective of yourself and your tribe. That's where you start. Okay? We can never surround ourselves only with our tribe. That is true. Milo Lavelle. Hey Milo. Milo, great dance teacher. Yeah, some, some slamming aerobics classes that I've really, really enjoyed back in the day. I look forward to learning more. Milo, if I can serve you, just reach out to me. You know, I would be, I'd be delighted to be of any assistance to you that I can possibly be. Okay, so if you have any more questions, comments, requests, you know, I'll wait another minute or so. Otherwise, let me, let me see how I can wrap this up today. It's been an hour. Remember, what we want to do is to be the best human beings we can be, but also to have the best lives we can live. So a good life would be healthy in body, healthy in emotions and love, and successful in our careers providing goods and services to our community that they reward us with with money. I mean, you know, they can't all come over and rub our shoulders or cut our lawn or walk our dog. But they can give us money which we can use to get our shoulders rubbed, our lines cut, or our dogs walked. So money is the measure of the value that the community attributes to our efforts and also to our self respect in demanding to be paid what we're worth. Sales and marketing are a matter of believing you have Something of value to offer. Finding the people who need what you have, convincing them of its value and helping them avoid pain and gain pleasure, and then motivating them to act now, give you their money now, doing those things, and that's totally ethical. That drives society is the flow of goods and services. So be proud of creating something that you are proud of and demanding to be paid what you're worth. All right, let's see. Seriously, miss seeing at NorWestCon in 2020? Well, let's say NorWest Connecticut in 2021. Absolutely. Matthew Mason. Already my brain is packed and feeling highly emotive. Thank you, Stephen. Well, it is my joy to be here. You know, once again, this has all been brought to you by realwarriorsjourney.com and if you go there and you feel in your heart this would be valuable to you, but you do not have the resources. Tell me, Be honest with me. We have scholarships available. There have been people who have been very kind to pay for other people's classes. And there are times when I, you know, I don't even care about the money. I don't take any money from this course. All the profit that would have come to me is, is going out to my teachers. So what can I do to serve you? We'll be meeting. I'm going to try to do this every Sunday at noon Pacific. It'll be simple. It'll be on Facebook. If you've enjoyed this, please share it with your friends. I'm doing everything I can to pay my teachers back for having gifted me with a life that gives me genuine pleasure and joy. And I want nothing more for you than this. We're having a chance to start a new year. Our country is having a chance to start a new segment of its history. We want to join together as individuals shattered within our own hearts, sometimes shattered within our relationships or shattered as a country. But we're still connected. And if we can love ourselves enough to feel safe, we can have the compassion to see that others are just doing the best they can with the resources they have. And while remaining safe, you just might be able to reach out to someone and change their life or save their life. From my family to yours. This is Steve Barnes saying thank you and closing with the Sanskrit expression that says that the divinity within me salutes and acknowledges the divinity within each and every one of you. Namaste. Take care, folks. Have a wonderful, wonderful week.