Soulmate Process #2

Hey, Greetings.

How you doing, everybody?

Steven Tononario.

How are you?

Back again, Talking about the Soulmate process.

Those of you I think we're just now live. Or maybe just in case, because it just said we went live.

Did it just say we went live? Okay, Stevenson honoree. We are talking about the Soulmate process. See if you can share this to my page. Is that available?

I'm going to try.

You're gonna try?

Now take it over while I.

All right.

Complicated looking here.

What's important is that this is the second little video that we're doing about the Soulmate process. Just helping you to see what it is and where it's coming from. But I guess starting talking about ourselves, just in case you didn't know who we are. I'm Steve Barnes. What's most important about this is that I've been the husband who has walked at the side of this marvelous, marvelous woman for 23 years.

Aww. Well, and same for me. I was definitely here those 23 years with you, so what a great journey. And some of you may know us from previous courses if you're not actual friends and family. Obviously, this is Facebook, so let's be real.

Yes.

And so I went to third grade with some of you. I went to college with some of you. I worked with some of you. Some of y' all are my relatives.

In terms of. This is also streaming to my page. Some of you grew up on my street, you know, some of them went to. Some of you went to my. Others of you I have never met and wouldn't recognize you if we were laying side by side in a mortuary.

But you've been fans and readers, and we totally appreciate every single one of you. But also what we do, in addition to being authors and screenwriters, is we have courses that we sell. Some of you have taken those courses, Black Horror, where Jordan Peele actually did a segment in an interview with us, Afrofuturism, where we had a bunch of interviews with great writers and artists. Our Life Writing premium flagship course, which is now what we're. We have a whole podcast around that.

That'S had Patton Oswald and Bryan Fuller podcast is@lifewritingpodcast.com right. As well mention that as long as we hear N.K.

Jemisin. I mean, it's like a real podcast, y'.

All.

I mean, we just do it in our house and we support it ourselves. We're independent, but we're just like all the other podcasts on Apple podcasts. So give us a good review. Check us out. But this is a really, really, really special course.

You know, there are things that we do that are about stuff that is outside us. You know, things that have to do with career things and so forth. But then there are things that we do that are very close to our hearts in terms of, you know, who are we? And what happened is that 25 years ago, Tananarive and I met and fell in love and realized that we wanted to be together.

And.

And that realization came. You know, what came with that realization was an understanding that we'd found something really special that people would. Well, and they still kind of sometimes have crushes on our relationship, just like you can have kind of a crush on somebody with a good career or somebody with a terrific body. We understand that there's a lot of interest in how we did what it is that we did and how we keep it going.

And I just want to say. Because with social media, period. But just the fact that we're not often in each other's physical presences. We are what we look like. Right. We hang out, we have fun, we laugh together.

Like, we're gonna hang out right after we get finished with this.

We sure will. I mean, we spend pretty much all day together, and we're fine like that because we each married our best friends. Yeah. I think that that's it.

And that's one of the things that we wanted to talk about today, because what we like to do is to give you just a little piece, A little. Just to be able to understand a little bit about what we're saying, that the idea of finding your soulmate has to start in you, feeling like you deserve one, that there is something within you that is precious and ineffable, that is worth as much as the stars. I feel so sorry for people who lost that sense that their hearts or their sexuality is no longer precious to them. It's transactional. You have to start. The little tiny piece I want to talk about is related to the ancient child technique. Now, this is something where, in our course in the soulmate process, we actually give a specialized meditation, an MP3 meditation. But the fact is that you can do some of these things for yourself. We want to give you things that you can do for yourself. People talk about not feeling safe. They talk about not feeling precious. They're not sure that they feel optimistic. They're not sure that they would fight for their own survival, or in this particular case, fight for your heart. So what I like. I like to tell people that you can envision your own younger self and if you do that, if you imagine a child, a helpless child that you are protecting, you can sometimes find within yourself a sense of emotion, protectiveness that you can't find for yourself as an adult.

You're nodding your head, putting no, absolutely.

It always means you have something to say.

I just wanted to make sure our sound was on because one of our mics was not on. This little camera has sound, too. So great.

I didn't even know that.

Thank you, Sherry, for letting us know that the sound was on. I was a little bit distracted, but it's okay. This ancient child technique is something that I have also practiced sort of as a side subject. The journey to preparing yourself for a soulmate, at least for me, had a lot to do with getting in touch with my inner child and getting in touch with those childhood traumas. Childhood hurts. Those patterns that I was repeating without even realizing it because I was trying to scratch an itch that was, you know, 20 years old.

What kind of patterns are you talking about? What would you be willing to share about that?

I was very attracted to emotionally detached men.

Yeah, got it.

For example, so if I had not noticed that about myself and if I had not worked on that, I would not have been ready to meet you.

Okay.

Because you were not that.

No, I am not that.

No.

For me, I was. I've gone through some things emotionally that had broken me psychologically in terms of relationships and getting back on the horse and being willing to try again was a matter of loving myself enough to feel that I had something to offer. And if you're in touch with that precious part of yourself, like I said, a lot of. Usually we will have more respect for our children and love for. And protectiveness towards our children than ourselves. We can see how beautiful they are, but we can forget that they came from us. What we're loving about our children is the fact that they are the best parts of us. And if you're lucky, they're the best parts of the person that you love. Combined, It's. It's an amazing thing. So the basic process is to imagine if there was a trauma in your life. Ask yourself, how old were you when that trauma took place? Because there was a period in your life where you were absolutely loved and protected. You might not remember this anymore, but children who are not loved and protected die. It's called failure to thrive. Babies that are not picked up and cooed, and they die. So imagining yourself at the age when you were loved in that way, maybe it was when you were an infant, maybe you can only imagine maybe something happened to you when you were 5 or 6 or 10. Go back before that period of time. And now the adult part of you tells that child, I will do whatever it takes to protect you.

And the ancient part of you, the part of you who is the one who will be in years to come, who is more frail, whose life might have narrowed to just sort of the beauty right around them, like sometimes our elders take such joy in their gardens or all these kinds of things. Projecting into the future to know what you want to look like, how you want to be, is a great guideline in the present in terms of how to adjust our behaviors.

If you can envision the child you were and the old person you are going to be who is beyond all of this bs, they don't have any need to play ego games and not, you know, they've lost their patience for all that crap. Ask yourself, what would the oldest part of you say to the youngest part of you and vice versa, that child speaking to that elder part? And if you as an adult just kind of sit back and watch the two of them talk, you are tapping into a great font of wisdom and love and energy and creativity within you. It's one of the most powerful techniques that I use in my own coaching.

Practice, and that's a really good taste of what the soulmate process is. We're not here to be therapists, okay? We're not here to tell you which dating apps to use. I have no idea. I could, you know more than I do. But it's about helping to create a pathway for that soulmate starting within.

To be able to say, this is what I want. These are my hungers. This is what I really want in a relationship. Not what I thought I had to settle for, but what do you really want? That part and then being the person who could have that. In other words, if I imagine everything that I want in a woman, then I have to ask myself, what is that woman going to look for in a man? Because I can't. If I'm looking at my ideal, I can't just walk up to her. I have to come correct. I have to be my best. It can shake off your rust and your complacency to understand that to get to move to the next level in your life, you can use your desire to be with someone special to actually motivate you to be more in terms of your emotional health, your physical health, your career health. Who is the person who could attract and hold that ideal? That's who you really want to be, and that's to be truth. That's a central secret.

So even if you're already in a relationship, but you're just looking to maybe make it stronger, to be more aware of what you're doing or what your partner is doing and how you can get out of each other's way a little bit more. The soulmate process is all about finding and keeping love. But it all starts with believing.

Anyway, thank you very much. I hope this is useful. Please, next time you're falling asleep or waking up in the morning, imagine the child you used to be and talk to that child and see whether there's something he or she wants from you. Some way that you could demonstrate love for yourself. You've had a long, hard journey, and I hope you really appreciate how wonderful you are.

And also think about that elder you're going to be in the future and the kinds of decisions that you can make today that will help create an even happier life for there. Take care, everybody. It's www.soulmateprocess. com. Bye. Bye.