Deep Dive Into Tim's 15 Scenes (Part 1)

Hello and welcome to the Story Grid podcast. This is a show dedicated to helping you become a better writer. I'm your host, Tim Grall, and I am a struggling writer trying to figure out how to tell a story that works. Joining me shortly is Sean Coyne. He is a creator of Storygrid, the author of the book Storygrid, and an editor with over 25 years experience. In this episode, Sean and I begin walking through the 15 scenes. It's the homework he gave me a couple episodes ago where he listed out the 15 scenes at every story every book has to have. And so I went and did my homework and kind of listed out what I think is the scene for each of those. And we start working through those, looking at how they should work if I picked the right scene, if I didn't pick the right scene. And so it's a really good episode, especially if you're evaluating your own novel of looking at your own 15 scenes. So let's jump in and get started. So, Sean, we are the last episode when we were talking about the threshing, we were talking about how to step back into the novel and how I'm halfway through with the second draft and that's where I stopped to work on writing down a dream. And now that that's finished, I'm back ready to work on the threshing again. So we've talked about a bunch of stuff and one of the things you had me do was we Talked about the 15 most important scenes that every novel has to have and we went through each of those. And then my homework was to go through each of those and basically map out what that's going to be in my book, what those scenes are going to be in my book. And it was, it was really helpful for me to think back through this stuff because some of these. Well, most of these decisions we've already made and. But I found like one issue and what we were planning on doing that I felt like, needed to, like a major point, needed to be moved to a different section of the book. So overall, I just, I mean, they were just kind of one line. Here's what happens in each one. But I sent you those and. Yeah. So what do you think the best way to kind of work through these are?

I've been thinking about this and one of the things that I've discovered when I've been working on the Community, you know, the 15 scene summer course is the really important part of stepping back into a project is to sort of. It's almost as if somebody in the middle of the night, blindfolded you and took you in a car and then stuck you in the woods in some state, in some place that you, you don't know where you are. And you know, you take your blindfold off and the first thing you have to really do is to get a very big picture of where you are generally, you know, in the woods. And it's the same thing when you're working on a big project like this and especially a big novel. So, you know, forgive me if I really start sort of climbing even further into the clouds so that we can see, you know, what forest are you in, where are you in the forest? And how are you going to navigate your way out of the forest? So generally this is probably going to drive you crazy, but we should really do this again. What is the genre that you've chosen to write?

It's action labyrinth.

Okay? It's an action labyrinth story. Now, when I was thinking through this stuff, I was saying to myself, if somebody really forced me to think about what is the projection, what is the progression of an action story, how would I describe that? And what I would say is an action story is about life and death and that is the global value at stake, right? So if it's about life and death, there's going to be a hero, a victim and a villain, right? And the what the very first thing is is that our hero or a group of victims is going to be threatened by a villain or adversary or antagonist. So the beginning hook is really about establishing that the world is under threat by a villainous malevolent force. So that's sort of stage one, right? We have to establish in the minds of the audience and the reader that there's a world and it's under threat, it's about to unravel, and there's a force that is behind that unraveling. It threatens our protagonist and a group that is like minded to our protagonist. So that would be sort of stage one. Stage two would be an understanding of our protagonist and the people surrounding our protagonist that they're under threat, right? They have to sort of identify who is threatening them and why. So that would be sort of stage two. Then stage three would be, wow, we have to come up with a plan so that we don't die, right? We have to figure out how to stop the malevolent force from destroying us. And then the fourth stage is they put the plan into action and the result is either they survive and beat the adversary or malevolent force, or they don't and that's sort of the four stage process of the progression of an action story. There's a threat, the people who are threatened understand that they are threatened, and they search to find out who is the force behind the threat. They come up with a plan to beat that threat, and then they put the plan into action and the result is either they survive or they don't. And, you know, that's a pretty solid global stage process of an action story. So if we understand that our global genre is action and labyrinth. So action labyrinth basically means that our plot device, the labyrinth, is the thing that is going to sort of give us the plot points of kind of the globe. A labyrinth means it's going to take a while for our protagonist to really figure out who is behind the malevolence. Right. So that's kind of the central plot engine of an action labyrinth is that we create suspense by making the identification of malevolence a difficult thing to understand. Now, there's another way of using a labyrinth story where we know immediately. It's almost like the evil genius locks the protagonist into a maze with, you know, all of these things popping out to kill them and they have to navigate the gauntlet like Saul, like Saw. What's that?

Oh, that's like.

That's.

It's like this series of horror movies where the bad guy.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just, I. I've been dealing with the Martian and they talk about time in terms of sols, which is sol. And I thought, oh, there's a movie called Sol.

Anyway, that's called Shit out of Luck.

That's right. Right. So I think the reason why I'm going through sort of like this very simple four part, sort of step by step action diagram is so that we can look at our beginning hook, middle build and ending payoff through the prism of we start here, we end here, and then we transition here, and then we move that transition into here, and then we transition. So the first part of the beginning hook is the threat. The transition into the middle build is moving closer to identifying the threat. And then the middle build is about finding out who's behind it and then having an emergency situation where you have to immediately make a really fast plan because the real energy is just discovering who's behind this. Why do they want me? Why is my life being threatened? And then coming up with a plan to thwart the adversary and then putting that plan into action and then paying it off. Does that make sense?

Yeah, in theory. It feels like one of those things where when you say it, I'm like, yeah, I got it. And then when I go to do it, I'm like, I don't got it. So that's what it feels like. So, yeah, it makes sense. I feel like I understand what you're saying.

So the reason why I bring this up is that when we're looking at our 15 scenes, remember what these 15 scenes are coming from. They're coming from the three. Right. At the very top of our pyramid of story is action story labyrinth. Right? So that's sort of the apex of our pyramid. And then we go down a little bit underground, and we discover. Well, for our action labyrinth story, we need three parts. We need a beginning, a middle, and an end. And the beginning we've got a hook. The middle we have to build, and the end we have to pay off. So we move from one to three. And then under each one of those three, we have five more.

And under those, which are the five commandments.

That's right. So those five commandments under each of those three make our 15 scene. So when I say, tim, go and look and figure out what your 15 scenes are, you know, we also have to go up before we can actually figure out what those 15 scenes are really about. So knowing when I said at the beginning of the episode here that, you know, when you go back to a project, it's like being kidnapped in the middle of the night and put into some alien world. And then you have to find your bearings. The way to. To take out your compass is to start at the top of your pyramid and go, what forest am I in? Oh, the forest I'm in is called action labyrinths. Okay, So I know it's sort of like if you were put into Yosemite park, right? You would say, oh, I'm in Yosemite Park. So Yosemite park is the equivalent of action labyrinth, or vice versa. And then we want to say, okay, what part of the park am I in? And you say, well, there are three different parts of the park that I need to navigate. And the first part I have to navigate is called the beginning hook. Okay, beginning hook. Now, what am I supposed to do in the beginning hook? Well, in an action labyrinth story, the beginning hook is about threatening the life of our protagonist and other victims. So that's really good information to know. So why don't we start with the first five scenes of the beginning hook and see if we're accomplishing that goal? Are we establishing in the reader's mind that our protagonist has been severely threatened to the point that her life is in danger. So let's look at. I've got your scenes right in front of me now. So let's start with the global inciting incident of the beginning hook, which are the same thing. Now, what you've written here is Jesse is caught stealing credits and offered the position at the Capitol. So the inciting incident of this action labyrinth story, it begins with Jesse being caught, which is negative. Right. So the initial idea is a negative. She is basically breaking the law. And she is caught breaking the law.

Right. So these are the ones I've actually written. So this is actually the third scene, I think, of the book. I think it's the third scene of the book. And so the first two were kind of establishing the world. The first scene was her getting away with stealing. And then the third scene is the inciting incident where she gets caught and is basically offered the choice of go to the Capitol or be punished.

Okay. And the person who offers her this opportunity is.

Who is the mayor of New York. I have him. Is Marcus is who I have him.

Okay, so it's Marcus now. Marcus. We don't really understand his motives for offering her this opportunity. Correct.

Well, so let me back up. So, okay, in the. In the version I wrote, it was President Marcus. I just remember this. And when what we decided before, once we were into the middle build, was that was actually gonna be the mayor of New York. So lower down, who's involved in the plot because he's the one that gets her into the Capitol. And then that way we could establish that even the people trying to help her are kind of untrustworthy. But in this scene, he's a bad guy. He's established as, like, the villain.

Okay. And the villain. He is the villain because he represents the tyranny of the society. Correct?

Yeah, the government.

And she has established herself as being an outlaw that is undermining the authority of the society.

Correct.

Okay, so remember what I said at the beginning, which was in an action story, the protagonist or the victims in general have to be threatened. Their lives have to be threatened in order for the audience to buy into the action premise.

Yeah. So as you said, that her life is not threatened as far as she would die, but she is threatened that she would be shamed. And that is implied. That that's really bad.

Right.

So does it need to be turned up to where her actual life is being threatened, or is it. To me, it's almost like threatening to send somebody to jail. Like, you're not going to kill me but my life is kind of over, right?

No, I think you're on the right track. The reason why you're on the right track is, is that you have decided to write a middle grade level thriller. Right?

Well, I would say young adult. I think of middle grade is like fourth grade, third grade, I would say.

Okay, young adult. Okay, you're right. You're right.

Okay.

So what we need is to sort of escalate up to life and death as opposed to open with life and death. So I think the threat of the shaming is on the money. The opening scene is, I think works because there's so much suspense about what the society. How does it work? That to make the life and death stakes so blatant early on, I think would be too much too soon. So again, these are the thought processes that you're going to want to think about when you're going back to a story and constantly rethinking this when you're writing. Sometimes you fall down, you know, down a rabbit hole and you lose the big picture. So I think right now, the inciting incident works. The only question I have is, do we need to be blatantly obvious that the mayor is just a tool of a larger system? And I think maybe that is pretty clear because we haven't really looked at the book in a while, but that's a question to think about.

Well, it's a change that I made a note as we were working through it, because it was somewhere in the middle. It's funny because I would guess our listeners probably remember this better than you and I do, but it was somewhere in the middle build that we had to kind of stop and reevaluate the fact that. That we were writing a labyrinth because, remember, we were having a lot of trouble kind of nailing down the villain. And then it was like I went back and story did the spreadsheet on Die Hard, which is the example you put in the book for a labyrinth plot. And that's when I realized the villain doesn't care about the protagonist until the protagonist becomes a problem inside of the labyrinth, you know, almost like a bug in the machine. And so what we needed was she needed to get to the Capitol without the President ever really knowing that she made it there, because she doesn't matter until she's a problem. And so then the other side of that was we wanted to establish that this was an entire plot to overthrow the tyranny. And involved in that plot is the mayor of New York. So he sent her there both to fulfill his duty for the tyranny and to make it look like he was doing his job, which was finding these people, but also putting somebody inside the labyrinth that they could then use to overthrow it. Because that's what's going to come out. At the middle point of the middle build, when she meets up with her brother is realizing that this whole thing was staged to get her there, right? So up until that point, she just wants to go home. After talking with her brother, she makes the deal that she'll stay to help them as long as they can go back home at the end, Right? Because the first half of the middle build is the protagonist just trying to get things back to normal. The second half of the middle build is the protagonist making a deal to try to get both. Right. Okay, I'll do my mission, but I'm also going to try to get my thing back. And then the ending payoff is when they finally decide to kill the dream of what they want for the greater good. So in the middle point is when she meets up with her brother, and he lets her in on what's really going on, and she agrees to help them.

Great. And does he actually reveal that Marcus is actually on their side?

I don't know. I can't remember.

Well, you should definitely do that, because that's a Revelation turning point that can really spin the book into overdrive. And if you fail to actually have the brother say, look, we don't have much time. I've got to tell you the truth. Marcus set you up so that you could get here because we need your help. It's sort of the moment when, you know in the Matrix, when they're like, neo, you are the one. You are the one who has to do this. You are, you know, the Chosen one. So that's the Chosen One moment for the middle of the middle build, which is when her brother says, I don't have much time. You are the One. And we are. We're counting on you. We've put all of our chips on you, Jesse. So that revelation is really important. And so you have to. I think, right now. And I'm not. We haven't looked at the actual scenes by scenes, but right now my gut is telling me that you have left some ambiguity with Marcus because he's kind of trying to charm her and use carrots and sticks to get her to go to the Capitol. And I think he sort of presents himself as, hey, I'm just doing my job. It's a difficult job, but I'm going to do my job. And I think that's a really nice way of leaving this ambiguity that. Oh, my gosh, that makes sense. Now, he doesn't want to completely destroy Jesse's confidence, but he needs to get her to the Capitol. So the shaming takes her to a place of great distress, but it doesn't completely break her. So, anyway, I do think that is strong. And you're right about the choice not to have the president really care about Jesse until she becomes a problem in his plan.

Right. Because remember, in the first severing is when she burns down the tower.

Yes.

And that's when he.

He's like, what the hell is this kid doing here?

Right. And that's when she gets pulled in to the meeting with him, and he threatens her for the first time.

Okay, so let's get back to the beginning. Hook, this is. This is a really good thing to do. I'm just going to take a step back here and explain why we're doing this. Because what you want to do is, like, get back into the warm bath and sort of the warm bath of your creation by orienting yourself in the big picture. You can't sort of let the muse do any work for you if the muse isn't really sure of what you're asking. So this is a way of getting. Establishing your global position in your story so that your muse can come back and start feeding you really great, you know, interesting, innovative ideas. And the thing that we just discovered. Oh, our turning point, you know, in our middle build one of them is going to be a revelation. Turning point that, hey, Jesse, that guy who shaved your head and put that plug in the back of your head, he's actually on our side. So what that establishes to Jesse as a young person is people can present themselves as evil, and yet they are actually using dark methods for a greater good, or so they think. So it's establishing the maturation plot of the world is not black and white, young lady. Those who pretend, who seem against you are actually for you. And sometimes those who seem for you are against you. So I think it's working in terms of the internal maturation story, too. So, anyway, I think that's good. So that's our inciting incident is that our rebel gets caught. And the crisis of that inciting incident scene is she has to make a choice. Do I go to the Capitol and do the bidding of the tyrannical patriarchy, or do I continue to rebel? And she chooses to rebel, which is within character. It's what you would expect her to do. Because she's sort of a naive child. So that's good. All right, so the next scene in your beginning hook is the turning point, progressive complication of your beginning hook. And what do you think the scene is right now? What's your answer to that?

So I have it when 83 is punished for Jesse's escape.

Okay, so let's think about this. What is the turning point? The turning point is the moment in a story when. Right before. When the value shift is threatened. So the value before the turning point is one way, and then the turning point is the moment when it comes is going to shift. So what is the value that we're talking about, and is it shifting? What is the value at stake in the beginning hook, and is it shifting?

So we're talking about the entire beginning hook.

So all that's correct. We're not talking about specifically the scene yet, but let's talk about the entire beginning hook. What is the value that shifts from the start of the beginning hook to the end of the beginning hook that will transition us into the middle build?

So I'm looking at it as like, safe to unsafe or home to homeless. Because what she wants is to find a home. And so it's threatened and taken away in the beginning hook, or the inciting incident. And then throughout the rest of the beginning hook, she re establishes her family inside of the numbered, and then it's threatened again when they find out what's really going on with her, which. So I felt like 83 being pun for, because the whole thing is, Jesse tries to escape, they have to go bring her back. But in the process, they cause an uproar which then gets them punished. And 83 takes the brunt of that punishment.

I think you're on the money. I really do. I think safe to unsafe. Now, when you're talking about the value shifts in the big three chunks underneath the apex of the story, you have to remember that the value shifts that have to dominate in the beginning hook, middle build and ending payoff have to be turning on the global value at stake in an action story. Right. So the global value at stake in an action story is what?

Life to death.

Life and death. Right. So at the beginning of the beginning Hook, Jesse is rebellious and safe. She's living outside the law among a group of rebel hackers who sort of are, you know, childishly, naively undermining the tyranny. Okay, so she's safe, and she's sort of playing around at the edges of society. So what we need to do at the End of the beginning hook is to really threaten her. And what's really nice is that she moves from safe to unsafe. So she goes through the severing, and then she's thrown in with the numbered. And then what happens? She actually starts to integrate into that society. Right? She starts to be become like one of the gang. And then once she starts feeling comfortable there, she's ripped out again. So the turning point here is moving forward from again, a place of safety, home, into threat and unsafe again. And it's a progressive escalation of stakes. So at the beginning of the story, the stakes of getting caught aren't that big. She's never really been caught. Then it moves to, holy crap, this is really bad. Now she's. She's part of the underclass, but then she finds security in the underclass, and then she's ripped out again. So I think that's working. I think the turning point has to be when. The moment when she discovers, oh, boy, I'm undermined again. So what did you say? 83 is punished for Jesse's escape? It's. The turning point is when 83 is punished for Jesse's escape. So that's when 83 is not allowed to wear the protective gear. Right. And she gets terribly burned. Okay, that turns.

Okay, good, because that's how it works, is that happens. And then when she comes back that night, the mayor comes back and then reveals that it was bit not only Jesse's fault, but Jesse doesn't even have to be there because all of them.

It's like revealing that again, going back to using jail as an example, it'd be like revealing that the person next to you in jail can walk out whenever they want. It's like, you're no longer one of us if you don't actually have to be here.

I think you're right. I think that is the turning point when the real sense of threat arises, when 83 is punished for Jesse, for Jesse's behavior. And I think that threat is very good because it's making Jesse understand, hey, we can hurt you, but what's going to even hurt you more is when we hurt people that you care about. So it escalates the threat to her because it's saying, your behavior will have consequences for other people besides yourself. So I like that turning point because it's innovative and it says it's not a repeat of, oh, we already shaved your head and put a plug in your head, and now we're going to slap you or what? Whatever. It's not A repeat. Do you understand?

Yeah. And I feel like what I like, I like that because the whole thing is, you know, what were the. Her want for the book is family. And so when she was threatened at the beginning, she's like, no, I'm good. I'll take the punishment. But now somebody she cares about is threatened and hurt because of her, and then the climb. So I'll just jump to the climax. So the whole idea here is that once they find out that she is not one of them, that she can leave anytime she wants. That's when basically everybody else in the number drops her too. And so the climax, which is the question, or no, no, the crisis, which is the question. Which is what?

The crisis. The question.

Right. The question is, okay, you've now really hurt somebody you cared about, and everybody else that cares about you doesn't want you anymore. Are you going to stay with them or. Or are you just going to go? So you're going to stay and keep hurting these people, or are you going to go? And then the climax is she decides to go to the Capitol. Now, my question here is.

So in my book, there is no climax scene. There is the crisis where that ends with the question of, like, basically, what's she going to do? Then the next scene is she's on the plane descending into the Capitol.

Okay, what. Here's what I say about that. And you're right. It's not on the page. Right. You don't write her sitting noodling, thinking about, should I stay? Should I go? Let me pack my bags. Why don't you do that?

Well, I feel like it would just be shoe leather, like you. Okay, that's right.

You respect the reader to be able to make that scene themselves.

So just because the scene isn't literally on the page, that's a real choice that you're making as a writer, is saying, I know the scene exists in the ether, and my reader does too. So I'm going to assume and trust that I don't have to put it on the page if it's so clear that the reader will intuit it anyway. We already know that Jesse cares about 83. We already know that she's already suffered terrible consequences. And the climactic scene of her crisis at the very start of the novel is that she gets horribly abused. So it's not necessary to have this climax scene on the page. I really, truly believe that. But what is necessary is to know that it's there even though it's not on the page. That sounds like A real manipulation or like double speak. But it's really not because you've made a very clear case for that scene, but you've decided not to put. Not to actually write it.

Well, and that's in. So, I mean, I don't think that's. I think most people, if they've watched, you know, more than a handful of action movies, there's been that moment where they want somebody to do something and it ends with them kind of looking at each other, trying to decide what they're going to do. And then the next scene, they're on the plane or they're on the bus or they're in the car, like they're on their way to the thing. And I think that is because what would I put in that scene? Like her packing her bags? Like.

Yeah, it's a trope of the genre. It's a little convention trope of action stories, is that you push the hero to a crisis and then you skip the decision and you just have them acting after they've made the decision. So that's a really good point is to point out that this is almost a convention slash trope of the genre that, you know, I haven't even really written about before because I haven't really gone through a two and a half year process going over somebody's novel.

You know, micro by micro. But that's a very good point. Okay, so. And the resolution of the beginning hook is also a way in which we transition into the middle build. She's literally moving out of New York on a plane, going into a brand new magical world in which she has never been before.

Yeah. I think of this as the scene in the Lord of the Rings when I'm thinking of the movie when he stops at the edge and he's like, I've never gone past this. Like, there's this whole scene about him leaving the Shire and then entering the new world that gets its own scene. And so this, I mean, I do a couple other things in the scene, but that's what I'm thinking here is like, this is the transition. So it's not like the next scene she's just in the Capitol, which I call it something different because I realize, like, using President and Capitol is very Hunger Games ish, but, you know, so it's not like she's just there. So there's like this transition scene of her flying in and this is where she meets Az and a couple other things happens. But that's how I was looking at it is like the transition into The New World.

That's good. Before this thought leaves my head, an idea that just came to me about the titles of these people. Instead of Mayor, President, Capital, you might want to think about using a metaphor for food, because that is going to be a major thematic thing. Everybody's hungry all the time. There's really not that much food, and food is a precious commodity. So, like, you have. The threshing is a. You know, it's a. It's a metaphor for, you know, for food production.

Right. Well, and I think. And like. Yeah, well, and I could ramp it up a little more, but in the opening scene of the book when she's escaping the building, the group of people she runs into are like, these emanciated, like, looking people that are obviously don't have enough food. And the whole. And so, I mean, that'll be something. I think I'll definitely. Now that we figure that out, and we did that a couple months ago about everything hinging on food, because one of the first things she noticed in the capital is how everybody's well fed and there's just food available. So, like, I could even call that, like, the capital, like a silo or. Or. Yeah, I'll think about that. That's good. I like that. I like the way. Because I've been wanting to make sure that this isn't, you know, I'm not using the same language as Hunger Games. Although now.

It'S funny. It's called Hunger Games, but it's not really about being hungry anyway. But. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I made a note of that.

Okay, so I think generally your beginning hook is quite sound. So let's talk about. Let's get into. I don't. I don't think we're going to get through the. All 15 of these today, but let's get into the middle build. Now. The middle build is that big, fat, meaty monster that every writer spends, you know, a good 70 to 80% of their anxiety on because it's half of the book. And you have to keep escalating and coming up with new progressive complications that maintain the pace of the narrative while also delaying the obvious until the last minute. So you have to make. You have to sort of thrust and parry the reader into different, you know, trials, which, you know, we spent a lot of time coming up with those three. Those three trials that she has to go through. So let's talk about the inciting incident of the middle build. What do you think it is and what's the scene?

Yeah, so this was the. The only one of the 15 that I wasn't sure on. So I went back and forth. I'm like, is the inciting incident when she's first kind of revealed what the severings are and how it's going to work? Because there's a couple scenes where like, as walks her around and then 61 walks her around because he ends up being there too. And then I was like, well, or is it the first severing? Because that's what really kind of kicks off everything in the middle build where like, she first. It's where her rebellion comes out again. It's where she gets the attention of the president. It's where, like 61 loses his shit because she didn't do what she was supposed to do. Like, I felt like that now that I say that, I'm feeling more like that's what really incites the rest of the Middle build. Everything up to there is just kind of getting us to the point that we could do that.

Yeah, I think I would buy that. The opening scenes of the middle build are really establishing this brand new paradise of a world which, you know, I think you might be able to tweak a little bit her fear of this place before she gets there. So then you could even have the numbered. Talk about how brutal, you know, how competitive and how nasty the. Because, I mean, you think about it, there's a world of privilege that's separated from everywhere else. One of the ways that you protect your world of privilege is to say things like, oh, you wouldn't want to come here. It's crazy difficult, right? It's like when people talk about their college days, when they're telling their kids about college, they say things like, oh, it's so difficult in college that, you know, it's. It's just such a mind trap that you. You get so depressed and it's. The competition is too much and all that stuff. So you build up a place that's actually a lot of fun into a very challenging environment. So when I went to college, I was terrified of it. I thought, oh my gosh, everybody's going to be smarter than I am. I'm never going to make it there. I'm really going to have to put my nose to the grindstone. Then when I got there, it was like, oh, my gosh, this is incredible. This is like, I don't even have to go to class if I don't want to. You know, I can borrow somebody's notes. So I think that's kind of a way of presenting a Place that's fantastical, fun place. You make it seem very difficult to all the people who can't go there. So Jesse sort of has that impression that, oh, the capitol, or wherever you end up calling it is going to be a really strange, difficult world. And then she gets there and she discovers, oh, my gosh, this is beautiful. This is amazing. Look at all the food here, the sky. I can actually breathe air. And then the inciting incident, you want to have it be a negative, right? Because if that's the positive introduction to the world, then bang, all of a sudden it's like, yeah, yeah, this is all nice and everything. Now go perform now. You've got to, oh, by the way, you've got to win this thing. And so that incites her in a way that is like, oh, my gosh, here I am threatened again. And this really is difficult. It's like taking your first test in college and understanding that, oh my gosh, it's not multiple choice. They're asking me six questions and I have three hours to fill out a blue book just on six questions. And holy cow, I've never had to, you know, perform, write a really coherent essay in 45 minutes before. And now everybody's writing furiously and I don't know what the hell to do. So I think that's. That is correct. I think that's what really, you know, welcome to the world. You know, this isn't all roses and sunshine. Now it's time to step up. So I think you're right about that inciting incident for the middle build. Now let's get to, you know, the turning point. Progressive complication of the middle build is going to. What, what's the turning point going to do again? Right. What does a turning point do? It presents the moment when the value is shifting. And because this is the middle build, we're talking about the global value of an action story. Which is what? Life and death. Right. So this turning point has to be even bigger than when 83 was burned over in the beginning hook. It has to move to her reaching a state of serious, serious insecurity and life threatening. So what I see here is you've written, she finds her brother in the grid during the second severing. And I do think you're right about that. I do think that is a very serious moment in the story because as I recall, Jesse basically breaks down mentally.

Well, so that's when she starts the second severing. And right away she's caught and she's like seconds away from being killed. Inside of the severing. Because the other thing I established in the first severing is that if you die in the severing, you die in real life. And so the second one, she's like seconds away and she basically. Yeah, that's when she just kind of breaks down and is like, this is over. She starts apologizing to everybody and. And oh. Cause the other thing that's been established is the president said that if she loses or does anything else, he's gonna punish all of her compatriots and Harry and 61. So she's like reaching her breaking point because she's gonna die and then everybody she cares about is gonna be hurt in the process. And then that's when her brother sucks her out of there and saves her.

Okay. Yeah. I mean the turning point then moves from serious life death threat to a magical being comes and saves her. So again, I'm going to agree with that. I think that's pretty strong. Now. I think at this point we should probably wait until next week to finish this out because I think we're really going to get into the. To the hairy weeds in these last eight scenes and I have to confess, my brain is starting to burn out here.

Okay, well, we'll stop here and then we'll just make this a two parter and we'll pick this up next week and go through the rest of these.

Okay, great.

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