Day in the Life: Daycare, Military Family, PPD/PPA

Morning. So Hank just woke up about two or three minutes ago. It's still really early. So usually when I hear him get up around this time, I get up, get ready, and then I go into his room and get him around six so that we can start the day at a not early hour. He is going through the 2 to 1 nap transition at daycare. And so we're just kind of in a sticky spot right now where he's going to bed really early at night. And sometimes if he's overtired from that one nap, he's got that early morning waking to deal with. So he just kind of rolls around in bed and plays with his rabbit. And I go in at 6 and get him. Hi. Let's get you out of that feed sack, little boy. Alright, so usually we read a book and then we get dressed and then we read a couple more books because books are our favorite thing. So then usually after we're dressed and we've read a couple books, he has some milk because he does not eat breakfast at daycare until 8 and it's 6:15, so kind of helps tide him over until then. All right, we ready to go take the puppy for a walk. The puppy is ready. Okay, so we have about five minutes till we leave for daycare. And Hank is walking around with the chapter book and I'm getting ready to make some coffee, throw a granola bar in my purse, and then we will head to daycare. So we just got to daycare. So I'm gonna go drop him off and either dad or I will pick him up this afternoon. Right. You say bye. Bye. So I try to drop Hank off at daycare by 7:15 because I have to be at work at 8. I have about a 35, 40 minute commute. So during the week my commute is kind of my me time. I drink my coffee, I listen to whatever music I want as loud as I want. So if you ever pull up next to someone at a stop sign and you see this mom who's just like getting it in the morning, that's me. Just smile and wave and don't judge. So it's lunchtime. I don't normally eat lunch in my car, but I figured this would be the easiest way to do this without hospital distraction. A lot of people, I think, call and check on their kiddo at lunch or they check their daycare app, not me. And I'll tell you why. So I had the most crippling postpartum anxiety and depression for about a year. The first year of Hank's life. My husband Vince was deployed when he was 12 weeks old, and he was gone for six months. I have a very type A personality, so I love to plan. I love to think about what happens next. I feel very comfortable and safe when everything is going according to plan and newborns don't care about plants. So I was overwhelmed, and my spouse was gone, and I just could not shake the baby blues. So I thought, okay, after a couple months, I'm like, I'm going to go to the doctor and just see what they think. So I went to the doctor. Now, I think that maybe the physician that I saw just did not have a lot of experience with postpartum mental health, because he asked me a couple questions. He looked at me and he said, I don't think you're depressed. I think you're sad your husband's gone. And it was really embarrassing because I thought, oh, my gosh. Like, I've been so miserable for months now. But this is not clinical. Like, I just need to get it together. I need to just suck it up and be a better mom. So a couple more weeks went by, and I was not feeling any better. In fact, I was feeling worse. And it was like a spiral. There was so much shame involved because I just couldn't figure out why I couldn't get it together. So finally, a couple more weeks, couple months went by, and I thought, I'm just going to try again. I'm going to go to a different provider and just see, because I don't feel like this is normal. This cannot be normal. And I will never, ever forget the one question that that man asked me. You said, jenna, I know this is really hard for you to come in today. I just have one question for you. Do you ever wish since your son was born that you weren't a mom? And I started sobbing, and I said, all the time. And he said, that's all I need to know. And we're gonna get you help. And that wonderful pa we did meds, I did therapy, and I took all of it, and I said, I just want to get better. So more months went by, and therapy went by, and I finally started to feel better. And my husband came home, and I felt like I was getting back to my normal self. And I thought, why don't people talk about this? Why? And then I realized, women don't talk about postpartum depression and anxiety because it is embarrassing to admit that you screamed at a newborn. They don't talk about it because it's embarrassing to admit that all you want to do is just lay in bed. It is embarrassing to grow up your entire life thinking that the best thing you could ever do is to be a mom. And then to think to yourself that you're awful at it. That's why women don't talk about it. But we have to start. So now I'm feeling so much better. Got off medication, stopped going to therapy because I was finally feeling better. But I learned some things about myself and my personality and my anxiety, and this is what they are. I love Hank's daycare, and I trust them 100%. If I know what he's doing at every minute of the day, I obsess over it and I micromanage it. And I worry the best thing that I can do for my mental health is to take my lunch break and eat lunch and then go back to work and worry about my patients. Daycare knows that if they ever need me, I am a phone call or a text away, they get it. So if daycare needs me, I will be there. Literally as soon as I can be there. But until then, I just assume that everything is okay. I focus on my patients. And then when I go home, I see Hank after work. You ready to go home and see dada? Yeah. Let's go home and see your dada. Say bye, Miss Donna. We'll see you next week. You don't want to say bye to dad Daycare. I see how it is. And it's about 6:00' clock, and dad just said pizza's ready, so we're gonna go in and eat some pizza. Go on in. Okay. Walk number two. Post supper stroll. So Vince is showering Hank right now. He's kind of in a weird transition. So some days he'll take two naps at daycare, some days he'll just take one. Daycare has him take morning or afternoon nap or both. So it's not ideal for us. And his wake windows are usually really weird at daycare, but it works for them. And so we just roll with it. We can't change what happens there, and we love our daycare, so we just kind of deal with it. On days that he takes two naps, like today, we just go to bed a little bit later, and we get to see him longer after we get from work. All right, so we brush teeth. We've got jammies on, we've got rabbi, and we're gonna start reading two bedtime stories. I'm gonna pick that one. String your sound machine. Once Hank is in bed, Vince uses it as dedicated study time for his master's classes that he's taking online. So he has like a solid two hours before bed where he can just uninterrupted study and not have to feel like he's taking time from his time with Hank after work. So he does that. I see if there's any chores that need to be done around the house, anything that needs to get picked up or ready for the next day for daycare. But more often than not, you will find me here. So I'm glad that you guys followed along with us today. It was a pretty typical day. It wasn't perfect. But I am super, super proud of where we are now. Hank was not a natural sleeper before the ABCs, he was king of the up every two hours, all night. So we owe a huge chunk of our sanity to Kara and the entire team at taking care of babies. They are nothing short of incredible humans, which is exactly what a sleep deprived parent needs. So I promise you, if there is any part of you moms and dads that wonder, would I feel better with more sleep? Take the leap. Take the leap. It is so worth it. It's worth it tenfold. I promise you. You are capable of this. And your baby is capable of this. And you are going to be so glad that you did it.