4:32
Cara reflects on her struggles with anger and resentment as a young mother, and why treating yourself with kindness and understanding matters. She shares her emotional journey through motherhood and self-compassion.
Cara reflects on her struggles with anger and resentment as a young mother, and why treating yourself with kindness and understanding matters. She shares her emotional journey through motherhood and self-compassion.
If you're in the trenches of motherhood or life has been feeling a little dark, today is for you. Recently I was scrolling and I came across this quote that I loved, but it caused me to spiral, too. It said something like, if you want your kids to be kind, don't teach them to prioritize the needs of others. That just creates people pleasers. Instead, repeatedly pour kindness into them. And I was like, yes, that's so good. Hang with me. The spiraling part's coming. I had this memory of when my kids were young and they were like, I had three little ones under the age of four, and I could literally, in this memory, see their faces. I knew the room we were standing in, and I scanned their faces and then I saw my own. And I looked and I thought, repeated kindness. Repeated kindness. Is that what was pouring out of me? Repeated kindness? No, what was pouring out of me? Anger, resentment. Emptiness, Bitterness. And so I immediately took that memory and just put it under a rug. But then I was like, no, Cara, stay with it. Stay with it. 1. What did that young mom, that young Kara, need? Why was she so angry and irritable? And it hit me. Well, she was doing life alone. My husband was working like 60 hours a week. I was overwhelmed, overstimulated. Her needs were never prioritized. Suddenly, I had so much fun compassion for that young mom. I had three little ones, and I had only been a mom for four years, yet I expected myself to be an expert at motherhood. And now, as a mom with 20 years of experience, I can look back and say, kara, you were doing so good. You loved those babies fiercely. You poured into them, you tried to hear their heart, and you just needed help and you needed to do something that sparked joy in your own heart. I wish I could go back and give myself a hug, because I. I can remember looking in the mirror and this is how I would talk to that young mom. I would say, you're so fat, you're a terrible cook, your house is a mess, and you're probably messing up these kids. That's how I would talk to myself. So critical, so harsh, so judgmental. Is it any wonder the anger and resentment and irritability poured out of me? Think of it like this. Essentially, that young mom was a four year old. She wasn't supposed to be an expert. She had four years of experience. She was learning just like her babies were learning. If kindness was going to float out of her, it needed to be poured into her. And it started with how I talked to myself. So that four year old mama. Kara, when. When I looked in the mirror, you know. You know, the words that I needed to hear bounced back at me. The words that needed to come out of my mouth. Hey, Kara, there's no better mama on the planet for those babies than you. No one could do it better. You're a good mom. You try hard. You love them fiercely. I'm so proud of you. So I can't go back and change the past, but you know what I can do? I can tell you when you look in the mirror, that young mom that you're seeing, she's only been a mom for as long as your oldest baby has been alive. What is that? Two weeks? Six months? A year? Two years? Five years? Talk to her as if she's a child at that age. She's supposed to be learning. Be kind to yourself. If you want kindness to pour out of you, pour kindness in. It starts with how you talk to yourself. And that girl in the mirror, she's worth loving. She's doing a good job. I want you to know I'm proud of you. I'm in your corner. You're not alone in this.
