How to Hone the Art of Giving | Venture Capitalist Heidi Roizen

So this is a funny thing that again, it's going to either sound manipulative or it's going to sound like just being a good person. But there's this thing called the rule of reciprocity. There's a book by a guy named Daniel Pink. It's a book called Drive. And I think it's a really good book. It's about why people do what they do and how to get people to do what you want them to do, which is a pretty useful thing. I'll talk about that in a minute. But one of the things he talks about is this rule of reciprocity. And I think most of you are too young to remember this, but when I was a kid, there were the, um, the, the, um, Hare Krishnas, and they would be in the airport and they would give you a little flower, and then they would, and then they would ask for a donation. And the reason they do that is there's a psychological reason, and it isn't that you really needed that little flower to take it on the airport. In fact, they usually had a guy who would be stationed like where— this was pre-security, but where you'd go to check in. Because people would drop the flower in the trash can because you're not going to take a flower on the airplane with you, and they would just go pick up those flowers and use them again for the next group of people. Because it turns out that when someone gives you something, you are naturally inclined to want to give something back. It's the way humanity works. It is even true in certain animals and other things that you are going to be— if I start by giving you something, you're going to feel sort of obligated to give me something back. It's why the March of Dimes sends you You know, the penny in the mail, or it's why the Humane Society sends you those little return address stickers. It's because they know that you then feel obligated to do something for them. So again, that sounds a little bit— the cynical side is, gee, I'm just telling you to do this so people feel obligated. But I actually believe there's a deeper reason to do this. If you come in genuinely always thinking about what can I do to give, what can I do to be helpful to that other person, again, I think— that builds your reputation as a person who is looking out for the other side, who is looking for something to give. And I think that while subtly it does build this— if you want to call it a credit bank with other people, that they're going to feel like when it's time for you to get help, they're going to be willing to help you. But I also think it establishes your value and it establishes your thoughtfulness. And in terms of what you give, it doesn't have to be something big. I mean, a lot of times For me, it'll be that, for example, a student in my class will know I'm interested in a certain topic, and he or she will send me a URL and say, hey, here was a really interesting article about a topic I know you're interested in. That's a give, right? An introduction to someone I might want to meet, that's a give. And I think you have to be a little careful about this because, again, you don't want to be a stalker. You don't want to be sending something every day where you're like, oh God, not that person again sending me another thing I have to read. But I think that idea of just being able to lob something to someone, and in this information age, I think a lot of times it can be a lob of that kind of thing, can be very— it puts you on someone else's radar, and I think that's good. You can also be really creative about things you can give and that open opportunities for you. And I think, again, this is the— people ask me all the time, how do you How do you build a network with people that you're not naturally in the same social circle or whatever? You can volunteer at organizations where you want to meet the other people in the organization. I've had students who've offered to do all sorts of interesting creative things for me— physical training, bartend at my parties, babysitting. And in return, then I give them time. I had one thing. I gave a speech a couple months ago. And this woman really wanted some career advice. And I was in Cincinnati. And I was giving the speech for like— 300 people. And she came up to me at the end of the day and she goes, would you have any time to meet with me? And I said, no, I'm sorry. And she goes— and I said, and I've got a 7 AM flight out tomorrow. I really can't. And she said, oh, really? How are you getting to the airport? And I said, I don't know, a taxi. And she said, well, I'll drive you. And she drove me to the airport. Didn't know her at all. She drove me to the airport and we talked for 45 minutes and I ended up sending her resume out to people because she did something for me. And it was a more interesting way to get to the airport than sit in a taxi for 45 minutes. 45 minutes. So I would just encourage you to be creative about what you can give. And a lot of times people feel like when they are at the younger end of the spectrum they don't have as much to give. But I would encourage you that actually technology and the advancement of technology and all that, you probably natively know so much more about like what are the current apps, what is going on in mobile, what is— you know, you know lots of interesting things, how to set your Facebook settings. that a lot of people, the next generation up from you, is not as facile with. So even that is something you can offer to give. I mean, I have another student who— this sounds terrible, it sounds like all I do is exploit my students, but it's actually true— another student who helps me with my network issues. And then in exchange, I give them advice. And I answer their questions and I try to connect them with people that are important to me. Dog sitters. I'm big on dog sitters. So if anybody likes to babysit dogs. But it is really true. And I look at it that way. And I kind of do the opposite for people as well. And I think that just— and again, I think it's a good way to build a business network. I also think it just makes your life more fun and interesting. Thank you.