Ep 52 Do Women Have to Speak Differently Than Men In Media Interviews Feb 21 16

Should women behave differently from men in news media interviews.

Speaking the show about effective speaking in public to the media at work and in life? Speaking with TJ Walker.

This question comes from Pete. He writes TJ A question that's come up a lot lately. He was curious about are there things a woman should do differently from a man in an interview? And do you think they often come across as either too passive or too aggressive? And if so, what should they do about it? So I want to combine this question from Pete from one that's been in the news a great deal in early 2016. Of course, it came up in 2008 1992. The issue is Hillary Clinton and how she speaks. There have been major front page articles in the New York Times just recently talking about the fact that she may sound too harsh. Others have suggested this is just sexist twaddle and does not deserve recognition or discussion. I'm going to weigh in on this, but I want to hear from you, too. That's my question of the day for both of you. Before you even hear my for all of you, before you even hear my analysis, I want to hear from you.

A question for you.

The question do you think Hillary Clinton yells too much? Is she harsh? Or do you think she's just a victim of sexism? Send your comments tjediatrainingworldwide.com or on Twitter jwalker. I'd love to hear from you. I'm going to disappoint probably all of you with how I weigh in on this. First of all, I do think that Hillary Clinton is a victim of sexism. I think there are awful lot of people out there. Doesn't matter what she does, says, how she says it. They just hate Hillary Clinton. Part of it is because she is a woman. I've seen this vitriolic hatred since 1991, when I've started following the Clintons closely, as did many people in America. But I do think that Hillary Clinton sometimes has a problem of speaking too loudly. Here's what happens. In my opinion, Hillary Clinton is not a client of mine, although in full disclosure, I have worked with family members of hers. She's not a client of mine. I've never worked with her. Here's what happens. And she used to be really bad at it. Now it rarely comes up. What happens is when she's in a large room and it's a noisy room and there are hundreds if not thousands of people, what she does is in order to show passion, she yells and she speaks really loudly. Now, there are psychological reasons for doing this that are completely normal. If it's a noisy room, you need to shout to hear yourself, number one. Number two, you're trying to have people in the back hear you, and you forget that there's a microphone and speakers on. So you're projecting to have people hear you. It's completely natural, normal thing to do. Unfortunately, for people watching you on television, it doesn't sound good. It doesn't look. It can come across as too harsh, too extreme. Now, some of you are now going to accuse me of being sexist. Let me clarify. Al Gore had the same problem. Al Gore had this situation where to show passion, he would yell the whole time and he would sound like he was screaming. And I am convinced that that alone made the difference of him not, you know, for example, winning Florida or even Tennessee. He only needed one other state. Forget the hanging chads. If he just had a few more votes, legitimately, he would have won the Electoral College as well as the popular vote, which he did win. And he would have won the 2000 election at every level. Wouldn't have gone to the Supreme Court. I just think the way he yelled, he kept the volume up. When you project and you speak loudly the whole time, it becomes annoying to the ear. It becomes monotone. It doesn't seem authentic because very few people run around yelling all the time. Now, I give Hillary Clinton. I've publicly commented on this. Those of you who have followed my commentary on my YouTube channel for the last decade know I have criticized Hillary Clinton in the past for this. And I've also praised her in the last couple of years because, for the most part, she doesn't yell anymore. Now, what's happened in some of the primaries and caucuses, when it's election night and there's so much enthusiasm and excitement in the air and so many people, and it's loud and it's noisy and it's hot, she has reverted back to this old style of sometimes yelling too much. Now, you could say the same of Bernie Sanders, but I don't know a lot of people giving him high marks for his public speaking either. So specific to Hillary Clinton and whether this is a female problem, I would argue no, it's not a female problem because I've seen Al Gore do it. I've seen plenty of other male politicians do it. And the odd thing for Hillary is she has the absolute best role model in the world for her when it comes to public speaking. Bill Clinton, he might occasionally raise his voice, but then he'll soften it with a Whisper. So there's constant contrast. Constant louder, softer, faster, slower, up, down, fast, and then pause. That's what you want to do with your voice. Whether you're giving a speech to five people, 500, 5,000, 5 million or 300 million, you want constant variety in your tones, in your speed and your volume. It's just so much easier to listen to. Now, Pete's question also relates to specifically media interviews. Are there specific things that women need to do differently in media interviews? I'll address that in one moment.

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So are there differences between how men and women prepare for media interviews? For the most part, I would say no. Men like women need to, or women like men, need to come across their best, want to come across, looking their best, sounding comfortable, confident, relaxed, polished. To come across with the image that they want, number one. Number two, they need to have a clear cut, three part message, something they can say in 30 seconds. Number three, they need a process for answering questions where they feel like they are in control and they're not just bouncing all over the place. And the fourth issue, the fourth skill, the fourth thing they have to do in every interview is package their message with sound bites so that no matter how they are quoted, they get the exact message they want in the final interview. Those are the basics that everybody wants, male or female, and where people go wrong, where people get into trouble. I find 99.9% of the time it relates to the fact that they didn't adequately prepare for those four specific skills. They didn't really have a great soundbite for their favorite message and then they repeated the negatives of the reporter. So, T.J. do you feel guilty about teaching people how to lie? Well, I don't teach people how to lie. Boom, there's my soundbite. If I'm a media trainer being interviewed, and my only quote is, I don't teach people how to lie. That's a horrible quote. It shows I'm not very good at what I do. And that's a quote a reporter would likely use if I said it that way. And it's also a quote that would be used whether I'm a male or a female media trainer. The problem isn't the gender. The problem is saying something stupid, repeating negatives with sound bites in it. That's the problem. Now, there are some minor differences. There are minuses and pluses to any situation. If you're a man, you can get away with wearing the same suit and tie and shirt for a long time. No one will even notice or comment. If you're a woman, you do that, people really would comment. People do feel obligated or entitled to comment on exactly what you're wearing. So I'm not saying this is a good thing, obviously, but if you are a woman, you do need to be aware that people are going to be scrutinizing what you wear to a greater degree. So if you're wearing something excessively fashionable or dowdy, it's just a lot more challenge for you because it will be called out, people will talk about it, especially if you are a high profile CEO or politician. And the problem is you can get damned no matter what you do. Because let's say you're the CEO of a discount store like a Kmart and you're wearing Chanel and $400 shoes, well, you're attacked for being anti your own brand. If you wear stuff that's exactly your brand, people might say, well, you're tacky and low class and you make a lot of money. Why aren't you dressing more nicely? So women in my experience are unfairly attacked more for how they dress. And the solution is you have to give more thought to what you wear. I mean, if you're a man, life is pretty simple. You wear a dark blue suit, a dark gray suit, a solid shirt, preferably off white, a light blue, a solid tie or striped tie. Basically no one will ever mention what you say. If you notice, we are now in the final year of the Obama administration and practically nobody has ever commented on what Obama has to wear. And that's because he has an entire closet full of blue and gray suits. He keeps it really simple and there's just not much to criticize. Now the other issue that's unfair and it is a little bit different for women is hair. Now if you're a man, especially a man of a certain age with a certain hairstyle, it's less of an issue. Because if your hair is really short and not much there like mine, you keep it short. No one comments on it other than to say, look at that guy, his hair is falling out. But no media commentator, no analyst is really going to talk about your hair that much if you keep it short. And it's just not much of an issue with women with longer hair. There's more things you can do with your hair, there's more styles, there's tying it back, there's the things you can Put in your hair. The problem, unfortunately, is that every single time you change your hair, it becomes something your critics can latch on. And Hillary Clinton saw this a tremendous amount, especially in the first term of her husband's presidency, because, like a lot of women, I'm not faulting her, like a lot of women, because she had hair, unlike some of us, she could do different things, she could wear different styles, and for any other woman, it wouldn't be an issue. But when you're in the spotlight of the White House, the scrutiny is so great. Now as it relates to women who are business executives and perhaps lower profile than Hillary Clinton, the issue is what else can hurt you. In my experience, hairstyles where the hair is down and you're brushing your hair back with your fingers or throwing your hair back can be distracting for TV interviews. The other issue is if your hair has your bangs going in your eyes and it casts shadows, that can be a stylish fashion statement with your hair. It can look good in person on tv, it can cast shadows in your eyes, and it's just harder for people to see it. And that can sometimes be a problem. So that's what I think the fundamental differences are between men and women preparing for interviews and what women need to do a little differently. I'm sorry, it doesn't sound fair, and I guess it's not fair. But I want to give you the straightforward advice. Now, we have other questions. This one from Theresa. She writes, in one point, one story, Is it one story per point? Talking about public speaking and speeches, weaving all of the points in one story or either of them. This is. I'm glad you asked, Teresa, because this is something that comes up fairly often. People feel this pressure to have one story incorporate every aspect of all of their major themes and messages from their speech. That's too complicated. That's too much. That's too difficult. My recommendation, focus on one idea at a time, one message in your speech. Then tell a story that amplifies that message, that brings it to life, that makes people see it, feel it, taste it, touch it, and remember it. If you can do that, you're better off than 99% of the speakers of the world. Then, and only then, move to another message point and tell a whole other story. And that's the sequence of your speaking. Just message story, message story. And you may want to have two or three or four stories for each message. It's almost impossible to have too many stories for a message if you don't run out of time. And if Your story seems 100% relevant and interesting and memorable to your audience. Teresa thanks for writing for all of you. You have questions on any aspect of speaking to the media, speaking to live audiences, just let me know. You can write infoediatrainingworldwide.com you can post on Twitter J. Walker. You can post on any of the social media outlets. For that matter, you can give me a call too at 212-764-4955. I'm T.J. walker. As always, may all of your speaking opportunities in life be a huge success.

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