Overcoming Criticism with Silence

Ask yourself this, what is the worst thing that would happen if you simply didn't respond? We live in an era where everyone is aggrieved, everyone feels like a victim, I feel like a victim. Everyone feels like they are uniquely persecuted and we're all quick to call out someone. And some of that is a good thing. There are legitimate victims in the world. There is wrongdoing. But I urge you, and I urge myself, stop a minute, think, is this something I have to respond to? Because the one thing I can guarantee you is somebody somewhere on the Internet is going to be wrong. And if you take it upon yourself to correct everyone who's wrong, you won't have a life, you'll be miserable, you'll have no sleep, you'll be in a constant state of agitation. Now, no one likes to be criticized and nobody likes to be criticized unfairly. I'm no different from you. But you have to ask yourself, if one person who has one follower on some social media accounts has a criticism of you and you don't think it's valid, what's the worst thing that could happen if you didn't respond, if you didn't take them apart, if you didn't tell them they were foolish or wrong headed or don't know their facts, what's the worst thing that could happen? Probably nothing. Now, in the olden days, when I was coming up dealing with the media, 70s, 80s, if you're criticized in the media, it was typically from a major network, a major newspaper, the dominant newspaper in your town, everyone could see it, you would need to respond. But these days, when every single person on the planet with a cell phone is a media publisher, you can really run yourself ragged responding to every single piece of criticism. And sometimes you make things worse by responding. You put the spotlight on the criticism, you give more credibility to it, other people can weigh in, it turns into a whole confrontation and conflagration. Don't do that. Sometimes the best response is silence. And if you really want to get back at your enemies, sometimes the best way of getting back is not responding. They want you to respond, they want you to get angry. Nothing angers certain people as much as you being silent. Because you're showing them that they are not even worthy of your time, they're not even worthy of a critique. That's often the biggest insult you can give. It's often the best insult you can give. If someone criticizes you and they have lots of legitimate points, they're dealing with facts, they're bringing up principles and operating on Good faith, and you share a number of the principles, and you recognize the facts they're using to make their case are legitimate. Of course you can respond. By all means, respond. Be a part of the conversation. But you've got to be selective in what conversations you want to be a part of. Every time you respond to an attack, you're starting a new conversation. Every time you attack someone else, you are creating a new conversation. Now, everyone from Warren Buffett to Steve Jobs says the difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything. They say no to anything that isn't truly central to their core mission. I would ask you to do this for your own communication. Ask yourself, if I get involved in this debate, is this really central to my mission of helping people with whatever it is you do, or is it just a matter of my vanity, my pride? Someone said my hair doesn't look good or they don't like my nose, and I can see their picture, and they don't look good either. Guess what? Nobody else cares. Nobody cares what one critic on the Internet looks like. Chances are, nobody really cares what you look like either. So instead, I urge you, be selective. Really ask yourself who is going to benefit from you responding to a critic? Who's really going to benefit from you pointing out somebody else is wrong or they're bad or they're mean or they're stupid? I understand you might feel like you're benefiting because you're thinking, well, I showed them, okay? And I've been guilty of that. We've all been guilty of it. No one's perfect. But I'm trying to be better. I urge you to try to be better. Sometimes the best response of all to criticism, to people trying to take you down, is absolutely nothing.