Unlock True Connection Through Active Listening

Are you reflexively listening to the person talking to you? Are you just waiting your turn so that you can speak? So many things that seem like conversations really aren't. They're just different monologues taking place. Everyone's talking past the other person. There's no real exchange of information. There's no real learning. There's no connection. There's no meeting of the mind. If you want to be a good communicator, the first thing you've got to do is realize, stop thinking about the perfect thing to say. Stop thinking about the perfect put down. Stop thinking about the perfect witty thing that's going to make everyone think you're charming. Instead, empty your mind of thought. Instead, just listen to the person. Listen to the person talking to you. Whether it's a friend, your colleague, someone sitting down at the coffee shop, or in a business meeting, someone else presenting, truly listen to them with no agenda in mind. Don't think about how you can top that. Don't think about how you can show them they're wrong. Don't stop to think about, hey, my idea is even better because instead, just listen to them. Listen to every nuance. Look at their face. What is it they're really caring about? Look at the subtext, listen to the words, analyze the words. But see if you can figure out what's their real agenda, what is it they're trying to do? What are they concerned with? Then instead of saying what you want to say, that gets to your agenda, see if you can ask a question that goes deeper with what they said. See if you can have a deeper understanding of what they're discussing. Now, before you even do that, what you may want to do in a one on one conversation is to restate what they said and just ask, am I getting it? Am I understanding you? The person's going to respect you, like you, and feel good about this exchange. You know what else? That person is a lot more likely to listen to you when it is your turn. And trust me, eventually it will be your turn. But if you try to jump the gun, get ahead, then that person's going to resent you. Well, he didn't listen to me. I'm not going to listen to him. Now, they might not say it like that, they might not have a silly expression on their face, but subconsciously, that is how we all feel. So if you want to be listened to, if you want to be a better communicator, the first step is changing that dynamic. When you are hearing someone speak and really trying to have your mind go blank as far as your responses. Instead, focus intently on trying to understand what that person is saying. Do that and you'll have a strong, strong foundation as a communicator.