When Your Answer Becomes the Accusation

Ultimize. One of the most dangerous things that can happen in a crisis is this: you answer a question and your answer becomes the accusation. You may be trying to clarify, you may be trying to correct something that's inaccurate, you may be trying to explain what actually happened, but in the process you repeat the very language that's being used against you. And once you repeat it, it becomes associated with you even if you're denying it. Even if you're pushing it back, even if you're explaining why it's wrong, the moment you say it, it can be lifted out of your answer and turned into a headline, a caption, or a viral clip. Now it looks like your words, not someone else's accusations. For example, someone says, TJ, don't you teach people how to lie and spin and obfuscate? Aren't media trainers just professional liars? If I say, well, it's true, some people think media trainers are professional liars and we just teach people how to spin and obfuscate. I can go on and on and on and say why that's not true and give my perspective. But if that's my answer, it's horrible because now someone can quote me saying people think media trainers are professional liars and we teach people to lie and obfuscate. That's horrible. That's negative. That's defensive. And it's coming out of my own mouth. Instead, I have to reframe it in a totally positive context. I have to say, media trainers teach people how to communicate accurately and forcefully in a persuasive manner. Now I can't be quoted in any way that looks negative or nasty. Or puts me on the defensive. So be careful about using your own words to describe someone else's accusation. They can describe you any way they want, but you need to describe yourself the way you want. You don't want to unintentionally reinforce negative narratives. People think they are addressing the issue directly, but they're actually amplifying it. They're helping to spread the negative message. They're giving it more visibility, and in some cases, they're making it sound more credible simply because it's coming from them. You have to be very careful about how you respond. You don't always have to repeat the accusation in order to answer it. You can reframe the issue. You can focus on what you know to be true. You can describe the situation in your own language instead of adopting someone else's language. Because once you adopt the language of the accusation, you're no longer just responding to it, you're helping define it. And in today's environment, that definition can travel much farther than your intended message. Use your words to describe the good things you're doing to solve the problem, the good things you've done in the past, the good things you're planning on doing in the future. Don't use other people's words describing a criticism they have of you.