In this solo commentary, psychologist and former marriage‑counselor Tom Guarriello critiques Katie’s Valentine’s Day checklist and offers his own evidence‑based, anecdote‑driven guidance for men. He warns against homemade cards, stresses the importance of knowing a partner’s preferred flower type and using the “envy” factor by sending them to work or a dorm, cautions that chocolate can be a liability due to calories, outlines when and how to use diamonds (including IOU alternatives), explains the psychological risk of gifting stuffed animals as a “stand‑in” for the giver, provides concrete dinner‑venue rules (no sports logos, no plastic cups, cloth settings, $50 per head minimum), and advises careful selection of intimate apparel by consulting Victoria’s Secret staff. Throughout, he frames each point as a potential “trap” that can damage a relationship if mishandled, and invites viewers to ask follow‑up questions.
Chapters
Hi guys, it's Tom. I just watched Katie of Katie's Opinions giving her Valentine's Day advice on her "If You Want to Score This Valentine's Day" video. And as many of you know, I'm a psychologist and I spent a lot of years doing psychotherapy and doing counseling, and a lot of the counseling I did was marriage counseling. So, you know, I've been through a lot of Valentine's Days with a lot of couples, and I thought that today that I would just, um, take a couple of seconds and maybe, uh, respond to some of what Katie was talking about on her video because it was interesting. It was interesting. So let's just get into it. So Katie went through a lot of categories of, you know, the Valentine's checklist of things that guys have to be careful about and things that guys have to do around Valentine's Day, and she started off with the card. Now, I'm sure Katie's got, you know, great taste, and I'm sure that she's seen some— a lot of interesting cards in her life. But let me just say this, guys: don't make the card yourself. Don't, don't do this. Do not make the card. This is a prime opportunity to look like an idiot. Now, if you're talented and if you're creative and if you feel like you can, you know, put your— express your feelings in words and pictures and that you can do that and not How can I put this delicately? Look like a dope, then go ahead and do that. But for most of us, get a card. Even if you get a card that's blank and you write a few things in it yourself, the one with the whole homemade card thing looks very second grade. You know, you remember in second grade you had to cut out and you did the paste? You don't want to do that. So I think you want to be really, really careful about the card. Now the flowers. Man, was Katie right on here with the flowers. Don't assume you know the right flowers. I've seen, I've seen guys, I have to say this, I've seen guys back in the day when I was doing marriage counseling, I've seen guys taken apart for getting the wrong flowers. He got me white flowers, he knows I hate white flowers. He got me red flowers, he knows that red flowers remind, I hate roses, I love roses, why did he? So be sure that you know the flowers of choice before you just go stumbling into a flower purchase, because you can screw up with the flowers in a minute. Get them right. Now, once you got them right, sending them to work, sending them to the dorm, go to it, do it. Excellent idea. Envy is a crucial aspect of Valentine's Day. You want your woman's friends to envy her. You want them to think, where'd she get that guy? He's really cool. He's really smart. He did it. And you, if you send those flowers to work or to the dorm or wherever she is, the envy factor goes Right up, and you're doing good. So go with the, go with the flowers. Now chocolate. Once again, I defer to Katie's preferences, her personal preferences on this, but chocolate, another dangerous purchase. Why? Come on, I don't need to tell you. Carbs. You're into the carb zone. You give your woman chocolate, all kinds of nasty things can happen. Yes, they— it tastes great and all that stuff that Katie did to let you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But chocolate, dangerous, dangerous substance. You want to be sure that you know your woman's not gonna resent you for giving her chocolate, which she's going to eat, and then it's going to put a couple of pounds on, and then you're going to, you're going to be to blame. You have potential liability for those pounds with chocolate. So be careful, be careful. Dangerous territory there, chocolate. Now, diamonds. Woo-hoo! Katie don't mess around. She goes for the diamonds. And I like the way she said, okay, If you're on a big anniversary, you know, 1st, 5th, 10th, 15th, it's all these multiples of hands, you know, that do the things with diamonds. If you're in that kind of situation, go for the diamonds. If you're in the position financially to go for the diamonds, no better time to do it than Valentine's Day. But even pictures of diamonds can be good, you know. Go to a magazine, cut out pictures of diamonds, put them in there. Little IOU, you know, maybe a dot, not a baseball diamond. I've seen guys do that. Don't screw around like that with the diamonds. Don't try to be funny about diamonds. You can do a diamond IOU, but that's about it. Don't go beyond that. Now remember, if you're ready to go for the big plunge, diamonds are like the, the top rung. You can't do any better than diamonds. So you're going to get big-time residual benefit out of going for diamonds on Valentine's Day. So if you're thinking about it, now's the time to do it. Stuffed animals, another thing you got to be careful about. You got to understand, when you're— I'm speaking professionally now— when you're giving a woman a stuffed animal, you're giving her a proxy for yourself, a stand-in, a stunt double. You know, be careful you get something too cute, ends up making you look bad compared to a stuffed teddy bear. None of us really stack up all that good. We're not quite that huggable. We don't have that same expression on our faces all the time. You know, sometimes we make strange noises. We do. So be careful. You're setting up a competition between yourself and the stuffed animal there. Be careful. Make sure that everything is cool with you and your woman before you go trying to put some competition into the mix. Now, dinner. Dinner, another enormously treacherous area in which to tread. One, and I'm telling you this from many years of experience, one golden rule: do not take your woman for dinner to a place where there are any sporting events of any kind showing anywhere, any sporting logos of any kind showing anywhere. Big mistake, big mistake. Number one rule, no— well 2 rules. 1, no plastic cups or paper cups. 2, no sports logos of any kind. You know, cloth napkins, cloth tablecloths, very good. Other things, be careful, you can mess up. Now, the over $50 a head rule, I like that. I think Katie's trying to, again, you know, she's pushing you. She's pushing you to try to do your best this time. This Valentine's Day. $50 a head, you know, you, you know, you're gonna probably be in a pretty good place. Just remember the two rules, however, before you get carried away. And then finally, the little something special that she threw in at the end. Now, I've talked before about how I've worked in the design business. I've worked with a lot of designers, and, and for many years, the designers that I worked with were designers at Victoria's secret. I, I spent a good deal of time in that business working with those people. Once again, that little something special can be very dangerous. All I can say is make sure that you've seen your woman in something that at least reminds you of the thing that you're gonna buy. For example, has she ever worn anything with metal studs on it before? If not, don't be doing that. Has she ever worn anything that— let me put this delicately— could be used as dental floss before? No? Then be careful. Be careful with what you get. Best bet, go into the Victoria's Secret store, throw yourself at the mercy of the salesperson. They'll walk you through the process. They'll help you to pick out the right thing because they'll ask you about your woman. They'll ask you about the kinds of things you've seen her in before. And this way you won't come at her from this, you know, other weird angle because then she's going to think, but Does he want me to wear things that have metal studs? I don't feel comfortable with that. Does he think that I should be that in order to be sexy? It's another treacherous area. So look, in conclusion, be careful. These are big choices. You have a lot at stake, and it's easy to screw up. So I'd be happy to answer any questions that you pose here in the comments or video questions that you would pose. About Valentine's Day selections from my vast experience of counseling couples over many years. So take care and try to have a good Valentine's Day. You got a week, you got a week to prepare, so no excuses. You got to get on it. Take it easy.
