[Little Language Series] Lesson Seven Stop Saying Good Job Handout
The handout explains how common praise like "good job" or "you're so clever" can unintentionally undermine a child's intrinsic motivation by labeling the child rather than describing their actions. It contrasts "person praise" (fixed‑trait praise) with "process praise" (effort‑focused language) and shows how the former creates a protective label that children defend, leading them to avoid challenges. The document outlines how verbal approval shifts reward from inside the child to outside, prompting children to seek adult validation. It provides concrete alternative phrasing—describing observable actions, naming effort, asking curious questions, and offering thanks instead of verdicts—and notes that sometimes silence (a smile, hug, or presence) is the safest response. A brief weekly practice invites caregivers to notice how often they say "good job," replace it once a day with a process‑focused comment, and treat slips as learning moments rather than failures.
Topics
Fixed‑Trait Praise Undermines Resilience
How praising the child’s inherent qualities (e.g., "You're so clever") creates a label that the child feels compelled to protect, making failure feel threatening.