3 Common mistakes I see parents make in recruiting

After having well over 500 conversations with parents going through the recruiting process, here are three of the most common mistakes I see parents make, as well as how you can avoid them and how to think differently. Because the most impact anyone can have on recruiting is someone directly related to the athlete. And obviously the parent is right there along the way. And so let's go into it because there's three big ones that I really want to hit on. So that way you're not making same mistake. And my first disclaimer is, if you're watching this as a parent, you're probably not making these mistakes. You're probably doing a great job overall. And so I want to say that don't get too hard on yourself because it's just easy to be very critical of yourself in recruiting when ultimately you don't control a lot of the external going on. So let's dive into it and talk about what are some of the better practices on these mistakes as well. So the first one is relying on the high school to take care of a lot of the load for you. And this is a hard mistake because it's not like something that you're actively doing as much as it's just like you're going through this process the first time and you trust that your high school coach, who's been coaching high school for years, knows how to get athletes to the next level. Maybe you've seen kids before, get at least some scholarships, you feel like your kid's talented enough to be there and you feel like your high school coach is going to support you. Or maybe you just feel like the program, overall kids are getting recruited, they're going to like you're kind of, you know, rising tide lifts all boats. It's going to help your kid as well. And the issue is it's not a wrong way of thinking. Like if your high school program has consistently put out kids in the past, it's definitely going to help, but it's not going to guarantee that scholarship. I have kids that I work with right now that, I mean, they're at top tier high schools. I mean, if I said the names and the kids that were there, you'd be like, yeah, it's a no brainer. Like college coaches are there all the time, yet these kids are not getting recruited to the level that you think or getting recruited at all. And so you can't just rely on the name of your high school. And the fact that some college coaches come by be the reason that you're going to get recruited because even the top tier high schools, not every single college coach knows about them. I mean, unless again, name the big ones. Everybody knows about modern day, Everybody knows about IMG, everybody knows about, you know, St. John Bosco. Those are the really easy ones. But like, just because you go to a big high school in Wisconsin that is well known over there and has consistently put out Division one recruits, yeah, you may be well known in the Midwest and Wisconsin area, but that doesn't mean you're going to get recruited by all the schools when there's 800 schools over there and 10,000 coaches. And so it's much more about, hey, how can I maximize that to my ability? That's a big selling point for you that you go to this high school, but how is that ultimately going to guarantee that you find the best fit for you? Because what if none of the schools in your area really like you and then you're kind of stuck from there? And so too many people realize this way too late, like senior year and they're like, oh, shoot, you know, I messed up. And that's just often too late. And so the earlier you recognize this, the better it's going to be. The second thing is not helping your kid. Like you're going through this for the first time, they're going through the first time. And so I see there's definitely a dichotomy. And a dichotomy just to be in it is kind of like the scale in a sense of where like, if you lean too much this way, it doesn't really work. If you lean too much this way, it's not going to work. And so it's all about balance. And so you can't be too much of a helicopter parent because that's going to kill a lot of ambition on the kid. It's going to feel like it's not really their process and you don't want it to feel that way. But also if you give too much power to the kid, then you know, you're kind of leaving this huge process where the end result is a scholarship worth tens of thousands, if not over $100,000 on the end. And you're leaving it all up to them to which they've never gone through this process before. And so that can be, that can lead to just as much frustration, just as much confusion and sadness on that side as well. And so the mixes, you want to be there to support and encourage your kid as well as give them the tools to make sure that they succeed and then fill in any of the spots that maybe they can't do in terms of time constraints and just doing reminders. And it's going to be a hard balance. Don't get me wrong, your kid may get a little bit annoyed with you. I know during my recruiting process, I was, at times my parents would be like, hey, you need to do X, Y and Z. And I'm like, really? Do I need to do that? Um, but that's also just the nature of teenagers. And I look back at that process, like, my parents did a bunch of amazing things for me and I can't thank them enough. So it's really just finding that good balance. And maybe some people listening to this and some parents think like, oh, screw it. Like, if my kid doesn't want it bad enough, then, you know, it's like, that's on him that he doesn't get it done. And I think that's just kind of. I mean, I'm not a parent, so it's hard for me to say, but I think that's just kind of spiteful in a sense. And you need to have a conversation with your kid to figure out, like, hey, what is the best way? Like, do you want me to give it all to you? Because, like, I will, like, if your thing is just, hey, I'll figure it out myself, like, go do that. But I think it's worth at least having the conversation to be like, hey, what is our role? What do you want us to do on our end? Do you want us to do as much as possible for you? Or is it. And being that this is something that you actually want to do, because we don't want to do all the work and like, not and get you somewhere and then you're like, I don't even want this in the first place. Or is this something that you're like, eh, you know, I'll kind of figure it out on my own. Or is it, you know, what is the balance there? And I think just having that conversation will set up for such clear terms. And I think it just makes the process go so much better when you have those open conversations about how. How things should be. And instead, you know, both parties just instead assume things of each other instead of having that open conversation that can lead to just such a much better, better experience for everyone. So that. That's the second piece. The. The last one is just setting expectations too high. And this is the issue, I think, is a lot of kids ultimately are pretty pretty open to all levels, I think. I talked to most kids that like, and I'll say kids that actually have a shot to win college football and most of them are pretty open to all levels. Like, I won't say there's, there's a couple that are like, you know, I only want to play Division 1, but most of the time they're, you know, just not realistic in a sense. And they haven't seen and they just don't have their eyes open. And I think as a parent you don't want to be like, yeah, we're only going division one. I think you need to be that reminder of, hey, there's still plenty of other schools out there. Because the last thing you want to do is lock your kid into this division one thing. And then, I mean, a lot of times you're like, they're kind of mirroring off of what they hear from other people. The last thing you want to be is just another person that says, hey, only Division 1. You want to at least be that open minded person that shows them all the different options. That way they can really pick what is there for them. It's another thing why I don't like when people, when especially the parents get super caught up in, oh, my kid only needs to go to schools near me in this state because then it also limits their options. And the kid might want to go travel somewhere else. And it's like, if they get a scholarship to do that, why not present them with that opportunity? And so just limiting the amount of options, whether it's setting those expectations too high or setting them into, you know, too specific of certain things, whether it be based on location or whatever else, or academics or something that can be a really bad way where you get the kid that wants something completely opposite from what the parents want and then it creates this, you know, rough kind of process there. And it could be as well as like not giving them the option that football doesn't have to be the route that they take. I think the best families I've worked with, and I'll say this over again, is just they had open conversations with their kids, figured out what ultimately they wanted and gave them a lot of freedom in that process. And understanding that, hey, this kid is, you know, figuring out still what they want to do with the rest of their life and ultimately just the next year. And so you have to give them that freedom to be able to pick and choose what they want. And again, looking back at my process, that's one of the best things my family did, my parents did, is they give me a lot of freedom to pick what I wanted. To figure out what I wanted, to allow it to be my process. And I can gratefully say that it was my process. It wasn't my parents that decided anything for me, and they very much were supportive through that. They had the conversations with me to make sure that's actually what I wanted. And it just made it really this, like, this amazing learning experience for me about how to grow up, how to make decisions, how to make big decisions. And I think too many parents, like, overrule their kids and then ultimately the kids don't get to make this decision. And it can just lead to, you know, things later down the line where this is just an amazing growing opportunity overall. And it doesn't. A success doesn't have to be going Division 1 or going Division 2, or getting X amount of scholarship money. It can just be that, hey, you're learning how to be a big boy, an adult. And this is part of that process. And so I think setting expectations high is just a part of limiting options. And the most you can expand their mind, expand their options, the better the process is going to go overall. Because then success doesn't become, hey, it's only this small box. It becomes, hey, success just becomes like figuring out what's best for you. And that's really not hard to accomplish as long as they're able to pick what's best for them. And so hopefully you kind of got some perspective shifts on this. I think this is just a lot of times, like, recruiting is just this weird way of, you know, you as a kid, if your kid happened to be watching this, but your kid or you as a kid growing up, I really look at my recruiting process as, like, I just grew up throughout that entire time. And like, by the time I got to my four year after junior college, I pretty much felt like an adult I could handle. Like, I went to my visit by myself. I handle all of it by myself. I made those decisions by myself. And I felt very confident in that because I just learned so much about myself about how to handle these situations. And so I think super helpful to just go through it with that mindset and it really carries on to the rest of your life. So hopefully you got something from this. If you did, feel free to like and subscribe. I'll see you in the next one. Peace.