Parenting in Focus with Sara Blau #38

All right. Hello, hello everyone. We are going live right now with Sarah Bilou. So ladies and gentlemen, welcome to today's podcast episode where we have the honor of hosting an exceptional guest, Sarah Bilou. Sarah is an accomplished author with remarkable collection of 26 children's books to her name. Not only that, but she's also widely recognized as an expert in the field of parenting. Her insights and expertise have helped countless families navigate the joys and challenges of raising children. Today we delve into her experiences and wisdom as we discuss various aspects parenting and her remarkable journey as an author. How are you today, Miss Sarah Blau? Am I pronouncing your name right?

Blau, but it means blue, so you're good. Hi, hi, how are you?

How's it going today? So I'm here.

Thanks for having me.

It's such a pleasure to have you. I'm here actually on vacation with my children. But, you know, the show must go on. So we are continuing this podcast because this is a subject that it's super important, especially in 2023, where parents are facing a lot more challenges due to screens, due to technology, outside influences, and many, many other things. You know, we're just coming out of a pandemic. It was a really weird time for many families, especially for children. And now we want to learn a little bit from you and see how you can help parents navigate what's going on. So the first question I want to ask you is, through your career, you've written about 26 children's books, which is really impressive, each with unique themes and lessons. What inspired you to pursue writing for children, and how do you continue to find inspiration for new stories?

Wow, it's a great question. Um, so really it was like a mix of things. On the one hand, I had two little babies when I started writing children's books, and they were a handful. Um, and then at night when they went to sleep at like 7 o'clock, I had a lot of time in my hands. And my husband was out working, and I felt myself like, you know, going into like a negative spiral. It was actually my husband's idea because he knew I liked writing and he encouraged me. He says, why don't you write something? Why don't you find something to do? So it really started— my first book started as a hobby, and I had my kids, I had the issues that they were dealing with. Like, I remember thinking, oh, let me write a book about an older brother not hitting their younger brother. And the book A Baby of Our Own was born. And in the beginning, I really just did it for fun. I wrote it, I sent it to my sister-in-laws, and then they're like, you should really publish this. And I was like, really? I didn't expect it. But yeah, once I got the feedback and the encouragement, I sent it to publishers. And once I started, I couldn't stop because as I had more children and as they grew older, I saw a need for more children's books to impart more values. And I feel like it was like, on the one hand, satisfying for me personally. And at the same time, I was able to create tools for myself in order to raise my own children. And I realized that, you know, let's say my kid does something wrong on the spot, if I start giving them a speech, they won't take well to it. It's much more effective when everything is going well and they're bathed in pajamas and snuggly and I'm reading them a story and I can impart a value or a message and they're much more receptive. It's much more— I'm able to be more effective. And that's why I'm so passionate about children's books, because I could teach them much more by reading them a story than when something goes wrong. And that's really my goal, that parents should be able to have wonderful conversations with their children when they're open and when they're receptive.

That is beautiful. You know, I remember as a, you know, as a parent myself, always the best thing to put kids to bed is bedtime story. It always works the best, works like magic, you know. So, and besides that, I think that as humans we learn best through stories. Stories really stick with us, you know, when somebody just tell us what to do, or we don't want to do it. But when somebody tells us a story that's inspiring, that answers the heart. And, and, and that's, that's a beautiful, beautiful thing that you are doing. And it's amazing, like, that, you know, you had the right support around you to, to really publish and keep on doing that. And I think that I find it really inspiring, and I hope that all the listeners will find inspiring, and people could also you know, look at it as a way for them to maybe also publish something, you know, through their own angle.

I would add to that, it's also that it's not personal. So if my son is doing something, instead of saying, you know, "Samaach," I tell him, "Once there was a little boy named Dovi, and this Dovi had a hard time to share." So even if you're not publishing a story, you could make up stories for your children. And when you make up a story about another little boy that was going through the same challenge, again, they're less defensive and they're able to hear it. You know, once there was a little girl and she was having a hard time going to bed. So I do encourage parents, even if they're not able to write or publish a children's book, make up a story or share a story, you know, that happened in the past or, you know, a story of a righteous person. These are the way that we're really able to inculcate, you know, these values.

That's beautiful. So as an Orthodox Jewish woman, you bring a rich cultural perspective to your work, obviously. How has your faith and the way of life, your heritage, you know, being an Orthodox Jew, you know, there is a lot that goes with it. How has all of that influenced your writing and in general your parenting philosophy? And what insights can other parents gain from embracing diversity and cultural experiences? Let's just say that some of our listeners are not Jewish, and they, you know, they look at you and they say, oh, what can I learn from somebody who is totally different than me, that has totally different culture?

It's a great question. I think one of the most important important things that Judaism informs me and that I think is, is so important in parenting is the fact that I have a purpose. And making children feel like they have a purpose, they have a place in the family. You know, we think we're doing our kid a favor by not giving them any jobs and not having them be involved in the family. But when a child wakes up in the morning and has a job and is contributing and feels needed. This reflects this, like, wider purpose. This world isn't here for no reason. We're not here to just make money and go on vacation, even though that is extremely important in order to accomplish our goal. But for me, it's not like I have a separate life and then there's Judaism. Judaism informs my life. I'm raising my child to have values and to have purpose. And it's really a game changer because if I'm only here for myself, then I could decide I don't want to be here. If I'm only here for myself, then I could decide I don't want to take care of myself properly. Bringing God and purpose into the picture makes it like it's not about me. I wake up in the morning and I'm excited because the fact that I'm here and alive means there's something in store for me. Me today. I have a purpose. God needs me to accomplish something. He might need me to be nice to somebody I meet. He might need me to do a good deed. He might need me to pray. He might need me to do a mitzvah. But regardless of who you are on this planet, there's no mistakes. And that's why I believe so strongly in the concept of faith, of a higher power, of a reason, of purpose, because otherwise, what are we doing here? You know, you mentioned before the pandemic and different challenges. When I know I have a reason and a purpose, it anchors me. I don't wake up in the morning aimlessly wandering, you know, like, what am I even doing this for? Because life isn't easy.

And so how do you convey that message to like a 9-year-old that all he wants is to play, you know?

So that's exactly the point. He should play, but why is he playing? In other words, he should eat, but why is he eating? Let's say my kid doesn't want to brush their teeth. I could say, yeah, Naftali, you don't want to brush your teeth, but G-d wants you to take care of the holy body that He gave you. You know what, I'm sorry, just because the battery saver just came on. Let me just get the charger. Sorry, I know we're live, everybody. Hi, and this is sometimes part of life. Just gonna get the charger. Thank you. So you're saying, yeah, people think of like parenting as like just a set of techniques, but parenting is not really a set of techniques, it's a set of values that we're imparting. So the same way, you know, people think that Judaism is just like, you know, when you pray then you're acting Jewish, but actually when you're on vacation and when you're eating and when you're living your life, that is part of your Judaism too, because you're showing that everything that you're doing is part of a purpose, part of a godly mission here to make this world a better place. So I want my kids to play sports. I want them to be healthy, and I want them to learn. I want them to know that everything they do has one purpose: to make this world a better place. And in order for me to be healthy, to, let's say, serve God or to make this world a better place, part of the things I have to do is take care of myself. But it's a godly mandate. It's not mine. And the truth is, this also informs my parenting because my kids are not mine either. I don't get to do what I want with them. They're God's kids. I have to take care of them too.

That's a really, really beautiful perspective. You know, it kind of reminds me, like, even me now on vacation, like, we're coming into the— to our hotel room, but we have to bring our coolers full of kosher foods. And, you know, we have to set up our own breakfast and our own dinner because That's what we do. We have to eat in a certain way, which is, which is part of having a mission and a purpose. And it's a beautiful idea that I think parents should definitely, you know, put more effort into conveying this message to children. So thank you for this one. So parenting could really be both. It's very the other hand, but it could be also challenging. What are some of the key principles or strategies, even though I know you, you're saying that it's not like a set of techniques, but still, what are the key principles and strategies you believe are essential for fostering a positive and nurturing environment for children regardless of their backgrounds or belief? So, so, so it doesn't matter if if they choose or not?

So I think there's a number of things. One very important, um, I think, perspective is how we look at our children. I sometimes, um, you know, we— I sometimes hear the way parents talk to their children, and it's a wake-up call to me, like, how do I speak to my own children? I watched a beautiful video recently of a person who shared that when he was a little boy, he came by the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Shneurison, with his mother. And his mother was a single mother. And in front of him, his mother told the Rebbe, you know, my son doesn't behave in school and he's not respectful to me. You know, he's chutzpadek. And the Lubavitcher Rebbe turned to the little boy and he said, do you behave in school? And the boy says, nope. And he says, and do you speak respectfully to your mother? And the boy says, no. And the Rebbe turned to the boy's mother and he says, wow, He says the truth. And this boy says it changed his life. Because what did he do? Yeah, he was making trouble. Kids make trouble. But find that kernel of good. Find what they're doing right. Because it's so easy to fire off criticism. Eat properly. Put away your briefcase. Don't fight. Stop screaming. And we're shouting millions of commands at our children all day, but that's not really our role. Our role is to highlight the positive qualities. They have a soul, they have a godly soul. These are precious, holy children that are in our care. So just like I was trying to say before, they're not ours to do as we please. We don't get to just tell them off the way we want to. We have to look at them like the diamonds that they are. And again, it doesn't mean being in denial. We know our kids, we know our kids. But for every personality has a weakness and a strength, right? Just like with me, So the same kid that could be very, very, very bossy is also a natural leader. And the same kid that could be, you know, extremely humble and timid and shy could be, you know, has the positive and the negative. They might be— it comes out that they're shy and it comes out that they're also humble. Like, whatever personality your child had is God-given, and it's your role as a parent, and it's my role as a parent, to really highlight the positive. I have 4 boys and each of them are very different. You know, one is more introverted, one is more extroverted, and that's really a perspective that I think informs us our whole life. Because so many times, you asked me before about my Judaism, when you see stories in the Bible, there are so many lessons of finding that, the good. You know, recently we read from the parasha, from the Torah reading, of somebody who rebelled against Moses? Korach, right? And he was a rebel, and yet we name an entire portion after him. And the reason is because even from someone like him, there's something good to learn from him. Even though he rebelled against Moses, it was a good rebellion. He wanted to be a Jewish leader. He wanted to be a high priest. So I think these glasses that, that, um, we, we as parents can look at really makes a difference to how our children come out. Like trying to find the positive quality, trying to bring out the best in them, and also trying to give them the opportunity to shine. If we see our kid is good at something, like give them more opportunities. If your child is good with little kids, let them run a little program. Let them read stories. Like, you know, fish for what they're naturally good at and make it bigger with a magnifying glass, as opposed to the opposite, which is what we tend to do, and take the magnifying glass of what they're doing wrong. Try to find what they're doing right.

I like that. So, so even if like a, a child does something that could be considered bad, like, you know, uh, maybe hitting their sibling, or, um, maybe taking something that don't belong to them without asking, um, or something like that, there is still I mean, the strategy is just to come and say, oh, you know, you took that without permission, it doesn't belong to you, but I still see the good in you. Or how would you handle, you know, something like that that seems like severe, like, you know, the child is really doing something not good?

So I think there's two things. I think there's the way we look at them, um, and then there's the actual conversation that takes place. So the way we look at them, it's behooves us to find the positive and the kernel of good. In terms of the actual conversation, here's what I think is very important and what I've been learning from teachers that taught me. You mentioned you had Rabbi Manis Friedman on your podcast, and it's something that he taught me and that I've learned from other teachers is that in the moment, you have to get by the moment. You have to figure out what to do in the moment. They're fighting, you have to separate them, you have to do something. The real conversation doesn't happen on the spot. Because when something happens, when they're fighting and when they did the thing, our goal is to be effective when they're receptive. Our goal is not just to give them a screaming. So in the moment, figure out what you're going to say. It's later when you start to strategize, how are you going to talk to that kid? You're going to tell that kid, yeah, I see. Sometimes I ask my son like, you really, really wanted it? And try to strategize how to say it better. The actual conversation has to happen separately where I might ask him, you know, how would you do it differently next time?

Come down a little.

Yeah, yeah. How could you do it differently? You know, you know, how, how could you ask your brother for a chance instead of just grabbing it? And, you know, my husband's very good at this. He role plays with my son. He goes, okay, try to tell me that. Let's do it. You know, he acts it out with him. Um, and When I'm informed by the positive that I'm seeing, the kernel of good, I could deal with whatever negative thing I'm seeing. But what am I giving attention to? What's more exciting? Where's my focus? My focus is in bringing out the positive when my child does something right. When they're not doing something right and we have to deal with it, it should get much less attention. You know, there's a, there's a verse I'm going to say it in Hebrew and then translate. Smol docheh yamin mikareves. Or actually first, yamin mikareves smol docheh. And that means the right hand brings the child close, and with the left hand you push them away. And the left hand is considered the weaker hand. So you subtly might have to tell them something, but where's your right hand? Where's your strength? Where's your energy? Your energy is in bringing out the good in your son. Wow. Your daughter. I naturally say son because I have 4 boys. Your daughter, your son. Wow, I noticed you taking care of your little sister. Wow, I noticed. I'm so proud of you. I, you know, look at that part. You know, more of our parenting energy should go into the positive investment in the conversations of where they're doing things right rather than only when they're doing something wrong.

Right. That reminds me, there is a really like one of the major influencers on social media. His name is Gary Vaynerchuk. I don't know if you heard of him. But he tells a story. He says, the reason why I'm so successful— the guy is almost a billionaire. So he says that, and he comes from a Jewish-Russian family. So he says that one day, one day they weren't keeping so much stuff, but one day he was going into a restaurant and there was an old lady coming. And he, as a boy, was 9 years old. He opened the door for that old lady to go first. And he says his mother was praising him for 2 weeks in a row.

Wow.

And that filled him up with so much confidence. And that continues to what you're saying. Let's see the good in them and praise that and focus on that rather than, you didn't do this, you didn't do that. And that's a beautiful point to address to parents because that's really what gives the children— and we want the best for them, obviously. We want them to be confident. We want them to be successful adults when they become adults. And putting the emphasis on the good that they did, but not only in that moment, to keep on praising them as long as you can. He said like for 2, 3 weeks his mother was like, she was like going nuts how her son opened the door for an old lady.

So, you know what's interesting also, I think that because we have this perspective of that they're a Jew, you know, whether you're Jewish or not, you know, we have this idea of there are different parts of you. You have the, you know, the evil inclination and the good inclination, right? So I think that also could inform us. Like, we could tell our child, your soul would never want to do this thing. You have like a little guy inside of you that's trying to hijack you. Like, how could we overcome that little guy that's trying to hijack you? And sometimes I have that conversation even with a little kid. My 5-year-old gets it, you know. Your yetzer hara, your evil inclination, is trying to get you to listen to it. How could you be a gibor? How could you be strong? And again, that also makes a child feel that their soul, nothing could mess it up. No matter what they do, their soul is good. Their soul is essential, just like we are, you know, we're not perfect. The older— the fact that we're alive longer means we've made more mistakes, and that still doesn't take away from the goodness of our soul. So we can look at our children and say, there's something inside of you hijacking you, it's not you.

I love that. That's beautiful. So in today's fast-paced and technology-driven world, parents face unique challenges in raising children that probably our parents didn't face and our grandparents didn't face those challenges. How do you strike a balance between utilizing technology and education? I mean, technology for education purposes, because you want your children— you don't want to be illiterate when it comes to technology. You want them to know how to use it But still, you want to ensure that your children maintain healthy habits and social connections, and they're not like getting addicted to whatever screen that they have. And those come so cheap today. I mean, you can get like a tablet for a child to keep them busy for years to come for just like $50 or whatever on Amazon. And again, you know, how do we keep that down? Because this is something that I think every parent is dealing with nowadays.

Sure, sure. So, you know, I want to share a story. There was once a little girl who actually came with her parents also to Lubavitcher Rebbe, and she asked the Rebbe a question. She said, do you think atomic energy is good or bad? And the Rebbe answered her with a smile. He said to her, do you have a knife in your kitchen? And she said, yeah. He said, is a knife good or bad? And she says, well, it depends how you use it. And that was the Rebbe's answer to her, because a knife could be used to cut a salad or it could be used to stab somebody. So I think that that's the most powerful answer, is that we don't give knives to little to tiny children. Adults take responsibility. I know when my kids were younger, I first had them learn with a plastic knife. Only when they got older and they knew how to be safe could they use a knife. So the knife in itself could be used for evil or it could be used for good. And I think it's important to remember about technology, technology is the same thing. It's not inherently evil and it's not inherently good. It depends how we use it. And I think as parents, that means we are in charge. We're the ones responsible, just like I'm responsible to keep the knife away from my little child, I'm responsible for how much the technology use. And that means it takes dedication from me. The child is for sure going to want more. It's addictive. I mean, if we're addicted, then for sure the children are. It's our responsibility to set them limits. And, you know, I think it's important to have something called a bike or take kids to a park. Like, this is on us. It's not on them. And our window isn't that long because as soon as they're older, they're going to be making their own choices. It's our responsibility to give them a childhood. And the only way to do that is by, by us giving boundaries. And I think it's important also to say that when it comes to technology, it's not just how long they're on their videos, whether it's one video a day, 30 minutes after they do their homework, or, you know, whatever boundaries you come up with as a family. I think it's very important to also decide what content you give your child. And the impact that subliminal messages have cannot be understated. There's a reason companies spend millions and billions of dollars advertising. So I think that we have to take the responsibility the same way we take care of their physical safety, that they shouldn't be playing with knives and not crossing the street. We have to own it. What are our children watching? What are we exposing them to? Is it educational? Is it wholesome? Is it something that, you know, we want to be teaching our children? And I think that it's so easy to just, you know, put on YouTube or whatever. But yeah, we should be looking over every single thing that our child watches before they watch it. There are filters today. You know, it's interesting because You know, people think that only super religious or Orthodox people, you know, are so narrow-minded. They have filters or limit. But the truth is, when you read what's going on in the world today, you know, recently, a few months ago, the CDC released a study, staggering numbers of depression amongst teenage girls, staggering. And then followed by that were multiple articles that where is their depression coming from? Coming from social media. The girls are comparing themselves. They think they're not pretty enough. Their self-esteem is down. I mean, this isn't religious. This is human. This is our culture. It's our responsibility to not expose our children to unhealthy amounts and content that isn't good for them, that isn't wholesome, that isn't healthy. And, and real— yeah.

So, so let's just say A parent has his child on the screen. Okay, I want to limit the screen. I want to take it away from them. The child is starting to have a response. You know, how do we do that in a way— yeah, they will for sure. How do we do that in a way that doesn't hurt that relationship, that connection? And we can do it in a way, maybe there is an approach or something you say to the child. To take that screen away without creating a major conflict?

So I want to say something. I myself, you know, made a decision for a certain amount of weeks to limit certain social media apps. I was like, you know what, Twitter is just taking too much time out of my day. And when I went off it for a few weeks, I missed it. And I think that was an important experience for me to realize and identify so that I could identify with the, with my children. It's hard. They miss it. I think it's important that we have compassion when we make a limit. But at the same time, it's important to set the limit before, because if my kid is smack in the middle of a video and I pull it away, of course they're going to be screaming. But if my child knows, hi honey, today you get to pick one video, and that video could be 30 minutes, 45, and they have a choice and they know when it's done, it's over. They'll still have a hard time, but they were aware. And that's where also the plan comes in. And that's why I think it's also so important to take them outside. I have chalk for you. I have bubbles for you. I have other options for you because, you know, they may not be used to figuring it out themselves. Find balls, like all the old-fashioned things that we used to play with as kids. We need to provide for our children and let you know it's summertime now, like plan family trips, take them on hikes, give them educational opportunities. You know, it's not just what to say no to, it's also what are you saying yes to? You know, you're taking your family on vacation, that's beautiful, give them. And when, and when the child has that, they have fun. If you take your kids to a pool, they're not thinking about the video, they're, they're having a blast. So the responsibility is on us for sure.

It's, it's such a, you know, great advice. Just take them outdoors, just do something different. Um, absolutely, absolutely. Um, yes, so, uh So Sarah, we know that your expertise extends beyond writing to encompass various aspects of parenting. You see, I'm still like, there are some words in English that my brain has a little issues with, even though my English is— I'm getting a lot of compliments on it. But can you share some valuable tips for our listeners on effective communication with children, particularly during times of conflict or challenges? This is like a question that I'm asking you again because that's what it's all about, you know, like I think that at the end of the day, there are going to be conflicts. It's not always going to be plain vanilla. There's going to be challenges and eventually, yes, We need to approach the child and let them know that we don't like something that they're doing, or we're trying to educate them or direct them in a different path. So you previously said that we should talk to them later, just like when emotions are high, it's better to keep it, to just like let the time pass until emotion goes down and then, and then talk to the child. But What would be like really, really effective communication? Just like really quick tips for parents to kind of help them navigate conflicts and challenges with children, especially when it comes to siblings fighting with each other, because that's like also, this is so emotional because you're afraid one child will hurt the other. It's so scary for us.

You know, it's funny because I'm a host of a podcast called the Optimizing Mother Podcast, and I'm used to asking the questions. So it's interesting for me to switch seats and be the guest. But a couple thoughts came to my mind. First of all, what happens is, is that when the kids are fighting especially, or when something's happening, is we can get activated. And I think it's very important that we first have to remember, we have to remain the adults. If we lose it, then our ability to communicate is hampered. We don't have the ability to really give it over in the same way. You know, you mentioned you're Israeli. There's one line that I heard that I loved. Somebody once asked this rabbi in Israel, Rabbi Reuven Dounin, like, you know, what's his best advice to raise a child? And he responded, I'm going to say it in Hebrew first. He said, Pamra ita chamor malid ben adam. Have you ever seen a donkey give birth to a child? In other words, you want your kid to be a human? Don't be a donkey. Don't let yourself lose it and act like You know, like, you're completely losing it. You have to be a Ben Adam. You want to raise a child, you want to raise a mensch, you have to be a mensch. So in terms of communication, I think, you know, it's very important for us to be role models and dignified and also not to do things out of embarrassment. I was actually in a museum yesterday, and when it was time to leave, I actually left a little bit earlier than I told my child, and my child said something really loud and really embarrassing in an elevator with a lot of people. And I realized it wasn't the right time to say it. Later, I actually didn't have this conversation with him yet. I plan on talking to him about it, but sometimes out of embarrassment, we react and we're like, oh, I have to say something. It's not always the right time. But you know, you asked how to communicate. Sometimes it's also when not to say something. And I think it's important because what happens is, is that We have a lot of things that we want. I have a lot of things I want. Our children have a lot of things that they want. And realistically, we cannot work on 100 things at the same time. I can't be working on being patient and kinder and coming in time and being organized and eating healthier. I can't. I need to focus on one thing at a time. And as parents, it's important for us to realize with our children, they also can't work on everything at the same time. I thought this was so insightful. I once read this. The previous Chabad Rebbe wrote this. He wrote this whole booklet about education, and he writes there that if, let's say, you have a child who has an anger problem and he lies, which one should you tackle first? He says tackle the anger problem. And that means sometimes you have to turn a blind eye. You cannot work on everything with your child. If your child feels that they're failing in this and failing this and failing this and failing this, it just, they lose their motivation. So if you're struggling with an area, have a meeting with your spouse. Talk, what is the one thing our child needs to work on? Is it speaking more respectfully to us, derech eretz? Is it his organization? Is it hygiene, clearing the table? One thing at a time, we cannot shout 100 things at them. And then once you know what that thing is, I ran a camp for many years. And when we had a theme, we didn't just say, okay, the theme is telling the truth. We thought of activities, we thought of stories, we thought of, oh, how to bring it out. Like, parenting is education. We think we just send them to school, let the kid, you know, let the school raise them, and we just have to like figure out the tool. Education is talking, is giving over, is an experience. Is role modeling. So if I decide that right now my child needs to work on respect, you know, I have a lot of faith in our listeners. I have a lot of faith that once you have a conscious meeting and decision with your, you know, whoever you're raising your child with, and you decide what it is that you need to work on, you'll figure out how to raise this child. When we get in trouble is when we're not having proactive when we're on-the-fly parenting, stop doing this, don't do this, don't do that, how could you, and what are you doing? That's when we're not effective. But if I make a meeting, the same way me and you set a time to talk today at 2 o'clock, if you made a meeting, if I make a meeting with my husband Sunday night at 7 and we go through each of our children and we say, okay, what do they need help with? What stories? How could we do it? What are we doing? You know, people talk about money dates, people talk about dates for all sorts of things, but what about Parenting dates. And it's not our kids' responsibility, it's our responsibility. How are we raising this child? And we all have a wealth of knowledge. And when I think back to my own childhood, I know that a lot of the influence I got was not from any speech that anyone made. You know, I had a grandfather who lived in Israel, and he passed away when I was very young, when I was 10. His name was Professor Naftali Kravitzky. My son is actually named after him. And he was a professor in Ben-Gurion in Israel. And I remember hearing so often how he was a professor in a secular university, but when you looked at a picture of him, he had a hat and a jacket and a long beard. He looked like a Hasid. And that pride in who he was impacted me much more than any speech could have. And that's why I think with parents, we have to realize that like our influence on our children and our communication with our children has a lot more to do with what they see than what we tell them. Because how often, you know, our children are fighting and we tell them off, but then we, you know, do we scream at our spouse? Are we nice to our spouse? So I think that with parenting, a lot goes back to our own work. How am I speaking to my boss? How am I speaking to my colleagues? How am I speaking to my spouse? How am I modeling? How am I behaving? And then when you know what it is that you want to figure out, your child. I trust you to figure it out.

Absolutely, absolutely. Looks like there is a little technical problem here with the recording, but we are still live on Facebook. Um, anyways, I wanted to just say one last thing. It is about, um, it's about a book that I read. It's in Hebrew, written by, um, one of my best friends. His name is Dr. Which is called the Art of Elevation, or Manhous Hagba. And the theory is really simple. It's like everything we say as parents, it's either elevating the child or putting the child down. And we really as parents have to be like artists. We have to know the Art of Elevation, which means everything we say has so much impact. So we have to know how to say words, even when the child is not doing something that we like, that actually elevates the child. And what can I tell you? It's just such a pleasure having you, and thank you so much for the time here and sharing all those beautiful stories today with us. It's just really, really fantastic, and I'm really looking forward to to invite you again on the podcast, maybe, you know, in a few months to share more with parents about your experiences about being an author and inspire parents just to really raise children that are going to make a really big difference in the world. And like you said before, Make this world a better place, because that's what it's all about. Now, also, I wanted to tell our audiences and our listeners that if you want to hear more from Sarah and buy her books, I really recommend you to do so. You can go to Amazon and you can just search Sarah S-A-R-A, um, uh, Blau, which is B-L-A-U, on Amazon, and it's going to show up all her beautiful books that you can purchase. She also had a series of two books with Rabbi Menashe Friedman, which I haven't read yet, um, but I really, really am curious to read because he is one of my biggest inspirations. So that's an amazing thing that you've done. And would you like to also share any few words, last words to end this podcast with our listeners?

Sure. I'll actually comment on those books that I wrote with Rabbi Friedman, and I'm working on a third one now with him. So one of the things that Rabbi Friedman found very important is that we as adults, we talk, we philosophize, we have all these ideas, we have all these values. But we can't expect our children to know our values if we're not going to give it over to them. And in one of the books, it's called Who Needs You? Who needs you? And it's really in line with what we were saying before. The answer is God needs us. You know, every single person, if you're alive, you have a reason that you're here. And you know, like Viktor Frankl said very famously, right? Like, if you have your why, then you could withstand stand anyhow. Like, you have a reason you're here, and it's so clear. And when a child has that, then his whole life changes. And the book that we're working on now that didn't come out yet, it's very interesting. And basically, it gives an example of a soldier. Like, imagine a soldier who's going out to fight a war, and in middle, the soldier's like, oh, you know, I'm too tired, like, let me just take out my blankie, or I don't want to wear the uniform, let me just put on pajamas. And it's very silly because you can't fight a war with a soldier that is wearing pajamas. You need to have the ability to wear what is necessary in a time of war. And the idea is that there are a lot of things that could hold our children back. They could be tired, they could be not in the mood, they could be not, you know, not their type. And all these things are really holding the child back. It's, it's a, it's an adult responsibility to help our children get over these things, to empower them. Yeah, you're not really in the mood, but you can do it anyway. You can do hard things. You can do it. I think it's a very empowering message. It's a very faith-based message and it's a very godly message. Like, God believes in you. God believes that you can do it. And therefore we as adults should believe that our children can be successful. Can make this world a better place. And that really, when we have that perspective, we give them the optimal opportunity to really thrive and feel like they're making a difference in this world.

That is beautiful, Sarah. Thank you so much for joining us today. I'm so looking forward to, uh, to have you again on the podcast in the future. And, uh, what can I say? Such a, such a pleasure, such a bliss. And hopefully our parents will find great value in, in listening to this podcast, and also parents-to-be, you know, because if you want to be a parent, you better start now. You better start now.

100%.

So have a beautiful rest of your day. Happy Fourth of July, and We'll be in touch. Take care.

Thank you.