What do Women Truly Want? with Danielle Bloom. #36

Okay. Wow. Daniela Blum, we are here and I would like to introduce you to our audience. So welcome everyone, ladies and gentlemen, to another enlightening episode of the Influencer Mindset Podcast. Today we have a special guest joining us, Daniela Blum. A highly accomplished psychotherapist and expert in women's well-being, dating, and relationship. She— today she's going to share with us a few facts that are going to really empower our audiences and hopefully provide value to the listeners. And with her extensive expertise and experience and deep understanding of the female psyche, Daniela has been making significant impact in empowering women to unlock their true potentials. And we are thrilled to have her share her wisdom and insight with our listeners today. How are you, Daniela Bloom?

I am great. Thank you so much for having me, Uzi Moses PhD PhD. What a sweet introduction. Thank you for your patience, everybody. I know we were supposed to go on yesterday, but happy to be here today.

It's good. It's good. Everything happens at the right place at the right time. I'm happy that you finally came back from your vacation. I can totally see your tan. And it's a pleasure having you. I'm really psyched about this whole thing because I was telling people when we put the flyer out, So even some married woman came to me, says, look, I've been married for 20 years, I still don't know what woman wants. So I still don't know what my wife wants. And some people said, how can you even know what woman wants? Because women are so different from one another. So can you provide some insights into the complexities of women desires and needs? You know, how do like social influences and personal experiences and cultural expectations shape women, what, what women really want today.

Absolutely. And before I begin, I want to give your audience a little bit of a background. So I got married pretty young, and I was married for about 16 years. I thought I did everything right. I thought I manifested everything I was supposed to, the nice Jewish doctor, the home in the suburbs. And then 16 years into our marriage, I found that it was, there was enough happening in the marriage that I had no choice but to leave the marriage and join the other half of the population in divorce. And the wisdom that I've got, not only as a psychotherapist who's been working decades with men and women, who've done groups with men, groups with women, but also my own journey. I come with honesty and I come with wisdom that you don't often get from a, a coach or a therapist because I've also lived through it. I'm in a committed long-term relationship now, and the more things change, the more things stay the same. There's things that I wish I knew while I was married, and there was things that I only discovered once I allowed myself to fully Bloom, Bloom with Daniela Bloom. And no one was— I didn't know this at the time when I got married. You know, you— back in my generation, you were like, get married and you'll figure it out. But with modern-day challenges and the divorce rate not getting any lower, it's certainly not enough to just get married today. It's not enough to just date. What is long-term partnership success? And what can you control in terms of how you're showing up. And what that has to do with is clarity. So really getting clear on what is attractive to a woman and what is attractive to a man. So we can definitely dissect that.

Okay, okay, sounds good. I mean, unfortunately, I'm also— went, went through divorce, and, uh, that really helped me grow a lot and understand so much more about, you know, human relationships, especially between men and women. And I think it helped me grow in ways I never even imagined possible. But still, there is a lot of, like, you know, women are very complex, you know, I would say gender, very complex. And And, you know, men really want to know, like, what do you need from us? What do you want from us?

Yes. So, you know, it really— Yeah, go ahead.

Sorry about that. Well, okay. Back to our conversation.

Yeah, I mean, it does kind of go back to biology. Women are gatherers, men are hunters. And why do we gather? We want to create a home. We want to be able to have a safe environment to raise our children. That still rings true today. Um, what women truly value— women who are, you know, who understand the value of long-term success— what we look for is consistency, is responsibility, is a man who understands his role as provider. And, uh, you know, if I say leader, it could trigger a lot of people, but not afraid to be that empowered masculine of leading his family on the right path. But with good leadership comes good communication and trust and safety. And when a woman feels safe, when she feels physically and emotionally safe, all she wants to do is nurture and support and love her king. If you're treated like a queen, the queen's natural inclination is to be there and support and push up her king. So it's a reciprocal relationship.

I understand, but many women face challenges as far as achieving work-life balance. Like, I can understand what you're saying when it comes to, like, nature. Like, if we lived in nature, yeah, I mean, you're the gatherers, I'm the hunters, I'm gonna go out hunting. But today, kind of things got mixed up. Women want to go out there and, and gather. I mean, sorry, and hunt. Yes, they want to go, they want to become the hunters.

Yes.

And, and, and, um, and on the other hand, the way nature works is that Yeah, man needs to provide security, you know, a sense of security, physical security, you know, even emotional security, but definitely to provide, to hunt enough to satisfy, you know, the woman's needs. That's absolutely not— there's no doubt about that. But where is that balance going nowadays? Because how can we create a supportive environment that enables women to pursue their goals while nurturing their personal lives and what they need?

You bring up an excellent point, and it is true. We've never seen so many numbers before with women who want to create their own impact, their own ambition. They want careers as well. And there is an adjustment to that because many men are still very traditional. A wife should stay home and be with the kids. And women finally have a time in, in society where they can say, you know, I want to roar, I want, I want to accomplish, I want to do all these traditionally masculine things. Now women want to do it too. And so it does absolutely affect the dynamic because you have a man and a woman who have a long day at work and they both want to come home to a traditional life. Because to come home to the cooking and the cleaning and the children it can upset the natural dynamic of things. I can relate to this personally, and also I've seen this professionally time and time again. It can work. You can have your cake and eat it too. Um, when a man is supportive of a woman who wants to find her voice, who wants to find her passion, that doesn't necessarily mean it has to sacrifice their relationship, the relationship with the children. It just requires a little bit more of maneuvering, and a man might have to step up in ways that he has not had experience in stepping up. He might have to take on more domestic roles. He might have to be a little bit more hands-on with the children. But if his wife is blooming, if his wife is finding that satisfaction, it will be felt by all. Because what do they say? Happy wife, happy life. It doesn't need to become— be viewed at necessarily as a threat. Now, the wife also has to be understanding and be patient with her husband as he's, you know, taking on some new responsibilities, some new roles, and what that looks like and what's realistic. Because you have to be realistic, you know. If you have 3 children and, and all of a sudden a wife wants to work 40 hours a week, that's That's a huge, huge wrench to, to accommodate. So remember, husbands and wives should always be on the same team. It's not one winning, one losing, one losing, one winning. So it's really important that things are discussed where both partners are heard, both partners' fears are heard, and you come up with a plan together and you try it out. And if it doesn't work, you adjust again. Um, but I also think trying to dismiss a woman's desires is also not a good thing. But helping her understand what's underneath those desires— maybe she finally has the confidence to speak, maybe she finally has the confidence to apply herself because she feels good about herself, which is a great thing. So communicate and get underneath the desire. And that should be a lot better for a solution.

I totally understand. But what happened, like, they say that love actually, from Manny Friedman's podcast, he said that love actually destroys marriages because you marry the love, you're not marrying the person. You marry the idea, the concept of love. But then again, if you have a relationship where the main glue of a relationship, what keeps relationship together statistically speaking is respect. And, sometimes, and it's respect for the woman to the man, from the husband to the wife and vice versa. And, when you have an environment where a woman really wants to go out there and build a career, sometimes and it happens a lot that women, end up maybe succeeding more than her man or even making more money than her man. And then she kind of naturally loses the respect for that man. And when she does that, you know, that's very hurtful for the man because the man feels that he is not able to do the reason why he was born to do, which is to be the provider and the protector. Now she's the provider and she can hire a protector, or you know what I'm saying? And this is like something that, you know, also create a lot of misconceptions in what women really want. So if women really want to go out there, what if that happens? And then you make more money than your man. So what are some of the misconceptions about what women want in relationship when it comes to like, you know, maybe getting or able to earn more than your man?

Yes, I love these questions because they're real and this is what's happening in modern relationships. And I agree with you. I think when a woman loses respect for a man, that is a crack in the foundation that will keep splintering. And so how, how do you reconcile if a woman is going out and getting her career and doing well, and doing so well that the man feels inferior and, and feels like, well, what am I bringing to the table if I don't even have the role of provider? Um, it can be very threatening. And, and then a woman gets in her power and says, you know, don't, don't push me down, you know. And it's very easy to see how a relationship can get off track. Um, I do think, you know, you asked me what women want. At the end of the day, even if a woman is in an empowered position, she's CEO, she's delegating all day long, still at the end of the day she wants to let her hair down and she wants to be taken care of. She's looking for that strong man that she can lean on and say, this was my day, and she can be vulnerable and she can be imperfect and a man will still be there. Now you don't have to make more than your wife to be that strong man, what happens is ego for the man could get in the way and fear. But if a, if a woman is not making it an issue, it doesn't have to be an issue. A man can still find his empowerment in many ways that is still very needed in the relationship. And it might not be forever, you know, there's, there's only so long that a woman can balance all of the, of the balls in the air. Um, she might see very quickly on her own, I thought this is what I wanted, but I got it out of my system. It's not what I want. I want to be home with the kids more. I want to have vacations with my husband. I want to have date nights again. Sometimes you do have to let people go through their process and not take it as personally. And I think Patience and grace can go a long way for both sides.

I understand. Yeah, I mean, this is a very complex situation because it kind of goes against laws of nature, you know, and sometimes when a woman chases the career, the husband has no choice but to stay home with the children while backing up the wife and still giving love and support to the children, especially if there is children involved. If there's no children, it makes it a little bit easier. But once you have children at the house and they need love, care, and attention, and the woman is just not there, then that could also create a little bit of a problem. But what do you think? Like, what would be something that you would say for a woman or a man that are in that situation that could be really practical for them, you know, like, you know what I'm saying? Like they're in a situation, the woman is working more than the man. She's more successful. Do they have children yet? Huh?

Do they have children yet or not yet?

They have children. Yeah. What would you, what would you, like a practical, practical advice that we can give them and then go to the next subject that I want to talk about?

Yeah. I think the more practical the better. And really, you know, getting out a piece of paper and saying, okay, if you're committing this many hours a week and this is what your schedule is, this is what the reality would look like. And the husband can say, this is what's comfortable for me, this is not what's comfortable for me. It's so much better to be prepared about what this looks like before you, you know, one of, one of the partners jumps in, and then all of a sudden you're in the schedule that you had no idea it would look this way, and it's stressful. And a lot of times, you know, men, men are developing skill sets that don't come as naturally to them, and it's not like they necessarily had role models with their own families. So, you know, just expecting a man to jump into a more domesticated role just because she's— he's supporting the wife is also a little presumptuous. So the more you can take emotion out of it and say, hey, this is what it looks like if you do want to pursue this, this is what it's going to look like. Are you really comfortable with this? You know, you're gonna miss this part of the child's life. This— when you come home, you're probably going to be exhausted. What does that look like? Are I also need my time. I want to still be able to continue working on what I'm doing. Let's find a solution that we're both comfortable with. So you— more you can lay out the scenarios before you both jump in, the more you feel like you're on the same team. And it's not— there's no shame in asking for help if, if it's a doable situation where you can hire a nanny or a babysitter to help with the transitioning, then la briothe, then, then do that. Not everyone might be able to do that, but find the solutions that you need to make it successful. And remember that you're on the same team. And I love Rabbi Friedman. He's fantastic. So everything he says, I think, is golden. He, you know, that's the other thing about love. Love is not just the falling in love stage. It's the maturity of love, of, you know, our partners are our blind spots and they give us opportunities for us to further self-develop. So by taking the time and having conversations that might not be so fun, that might trigger some, some of our own stuff, right? My, one of my favorite psychologists is Terry Real. He says you marry your unfinished business. And so what I say, that's going to come out. It's going to come out maybe later, maybe now, maybe much later, but it's coming out. And the more you're prepared for it and the more you understand that that's part of relationships, that it's going to get uncomfortable and that's okay, the more prepared you are for the long run.

Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, as long as I think as long as they maintain respect and really don't, God forbid, for whatever reason, you know, don't lose that. Even if a man, you know, all of a sudden, you know, hits the jackpot in his business, you know, and, you know, becomes very wealthy and have a lot of other opportunities, you know, obviously you have to be totally devoted and loyal and respectful to your wife no matter what. And it's and vice versa. So, I totally kind of feel what you're saying and it's really something that people individually need to work on. And, if any of the listeners need help with that, they can obviously contact you for more on that. But, let's continue about the idea of like self-care. Self-care has gained you know, considerable attention in recent years. You know, from your perspective, what are the essential elements of self-care for women and how can we prioritize their own well-being amidst various responsibilities? You know, because I mean, if today's woman is building a career and then You know, she, she's coming back home and then there is children and then there is, where is self-care coming in?

Yeah. Yes. It's a term I'm very familiar with. Uh, what are you doing for self-care? Uh, what's your me time? And I think it's important to define what true self-care means because yes, there's superficial self-care. Take a bath, go get your nails done, have some time for yourself. Without needing to be dependent on by another human being. That's really important. But it goes further than that. You know, our spouses are not our everything. They can't fix all of our problems or insecurities. They're our partners, not our, not our fixers. And for me, when I was, you know, in my marriage, we had many healthy years, but the last few years were not so healthy. And I had this term self-care, just you need more self-care. But then I came to understand underneath the self-care, it's really identifying the wound that is needing tending and learning to reparent that wound for yourself is very empowering. Whether you're in a healthy relationship or not a healthy relationship, these wounds are going to come up. They're triggered by many different things. They can be amplified by a relationship, for the good and for the bad, but they're information for us nonetheless. So understanding, you know, I'm not— underneath it all, I'm not feeling heard. How can I, how can I feel heard right on my own? What, what can I do to get my voice heard? What, what, what can I be? What can I do? What can I challenge myself to do? That is a form of taking care of your own needs. Now, that doesn't mean, you know, if a spouse is stonewalling you and there's no communication, you're just becoming married roommates, because that's another phenomenon that's not going to last forever. We are meant to be in relationship, be in communication with each other. And it's important and very valuable when a man is emotionally mature enough to hold space for a woman for her to just vent, not, not needing to fix it, not giving her a solution, not solving her problem, just being that strength. You know, I know this is not— this is a little bit of a taboo example, but you have like a very strong pole, you know, and you have an exotic dancer, dancer who's just dancing around and dancing. It doesn't matter what she's doing on it. She's going backwards, she's turning around, she's flipping upside down, but the pole is still strong and steady. And then pretty soon, what happens after she does all her dancing? She is tired. It's out of her system. She's okay. She doesn't need more than that. So I think if men can understand that just being there to create a space of safety and steadiness, like, no matter what she's feeling, no matter what emotion she's feeling, it's not his burden to necessarily fix But just be there for her in that way is very intimate and very connective and very much in the roles.

I see. Okay. That makes sense. So it is something important that women should not neglect, obviously. And it's part of being a woman. You have to self-care. And it's a very important thing that you know, even when people are, I think, dating or just going out, they need to give each other a little bit of space to just be, you know, to take care of themselves, go to the gym, you know, maybe have a girls' night out, spend Thursday with the boys, hopefully not drinking beer and smoking, but just doing healthier things. So absolutely understood. So now we're going to go into another question that it's very you know, crucial to women's happiness from what I understand, and it's body image and self-esteem. And body image and self-esteem can significantly impact women's general overall satisfaction and happiness. How can we promote a positive body image and help women develop a healthy relationship with themselves? Because a lot of, you know, We want happy women, right? I mean, if you married a woman, obviously after a few births, she's going to not have the same body when you met her 10 or 20 years ago. But how do you kind of work that out?

Attraction is very important. It's very important in Judaism too. It's something that continues to enhance relationships when you continue to be attracted to each other. And yeah, I was going to also piggyback off of what we were just saying, and this is a good tie-in. When you're in a relationship and there's so much going on and it's not a great relationship anymore and you have all these obligations, you lose yourself. I had a retreat called The Forgotten Woman Within, and for men it was The Forgotten Man. I think what happens when women and men start to not put attention to their appearance, um, it's more because they forgot. They forgot who their essence is, and they're so busy and overwhelmed and haven't connected to that part of themselves in so long, they don't even know to miss it or want it again. So before taking seriously your appearance and your health, there has to be a motivation to why you should take it seriously in the first place. So connecting to that forgotten woman within, you know, in the last years of my marriage, getting the kids out the door on time for school, my hair was in a bun, uh, you know, I was in such a stressful bubble that I didn't, you know, being in my feminine wasn't a priority, you know, because I was in survival mode every day with 3 young kids and my former husband working 60 hours a week. And it wasn't a priority for me, but when I got divorced, I, I reclaimed my femininity, and it is so empowering and Because women are sensual beings and sensuality means we're open and we're alive and we like textures and music and food. And it's a good balance to a man. That's why, you know, in our religion, the women always in these different colors and the men are in black and white. It's our essence. It's our nature to want to be colorful, beautiful, you know, dancing, glowing. But when a woman has completely lost touch with that, she doesn't even know what she's missing. So, you know, if you're asking me what is the nice way for a man to say, you know, come get with the program and start paying more attention to how you look for me, I think, um, it's a delicate—

that's kind of like degrading. I wouldn't recommend men to do that.

Yes, don't. Yes, exactly. So there's there's many ways to pass a message, and it can be loving, or it can be very condescending and yucky. So, um, starting small by taking her out on a date and reminding her that she is a woman. She's not just the wife or the concierge or the grocery shopper or the meal preparation. She's a woman. And we forget about that. We forget that women are women, men are men. Who still have this attraction that must be valued. And it's still something, and it's not just for the other person, it's for yourself. When you take care of yourself, it's a sign of health. And health and longevity is a really important thing that you do. You know, our bodies are our temples. But if there's anger and pain and resentment, it's hard to connect to that woman and man underneath it all. So getting back into that energy of courting like you did when you first were dating, when you go on a date, what does a woman do? She has to prepare herself. She has to get ready for the date. And what does a man do? He plans the date. He takes charge. He said, honey, I'm taking you here. It takes you out of your everyday roles. And puts you back into pursue and pursuer, which is very sexy, and it has a ripple effect to everything else.

Yeah, you know what, I think that what you just said is also applied for men, because men sometimes also, they kind of, you know, they kind of forget that they need to, you know, keep themselves, keep the figure intact, you know, and It's also something that men should take into consideration as well, to keep on taking care of yourself and keep on— keep the flame alive, you know, rather than, you know, kind of losing it and not caring anymore about how you look or, or your health or what you eat and when you eat and stuff like that. So I think this is a very, very important subject that we all should It does affect the whole dynamic when you disregard your health and appearance.

It's not just—

yeah, just like you said, a happy wife, a happy life, which means that a wife will not be happy if a man develops a really, really big belly all of a sudden, and vice versa, you know. But this is something that definitely people need to work on. And if anybody needs any type of you know, advice on, on, on diets and stuff like that. I'm actually working on an app called HolisticFit.me, which will have a program for men and women where it's going to be, you know, nutrition and exercise, everybody to their level. But it's, it's something that will be transformative to a lot of people that are in a situation where they, they need to kind of change something in their appearance and just be more attractive to one another. So, that's something else. I just— the first time I'm kind of announcing it. It's still in the making. So, be patient on that and just follow for more. Let's continue with the concept of empowerment of women that compasses different aspects of life, you know, from career progression to personal growth. How can we support and empower women to become leaders in their respective fields and make a lasting impact? You know, social media really changed a lot. Today, you know, people can just come out there and just do their thing, bring their talents, bring their gifts to the world. I mean, this podcast is called Influencer Mindset, which is the idea that we can all influence the world and really make a lasting impact in the world, which is part of everybody's missions. So, what would you say, how can we support that and empower women to become leaders in their respective fields and make a lasting impact?

Yeah, well, I— this is an area I know really well. The coaching world has exploded in the last 10 years, and what I'm noticing, which I love seeing, is that the most successful women today are not the prettiest, are not the skinniest, but that they're the most authentic. People have been inundated with so much influence that they tend to gravitate towards what's real and no longer to what's fake. I think we've kind of are leaving the Kardashian era and we're going into the era of perfectly imperfect and authenticity. And especially in today's world, there's so much polarization, there's so much divide. Um, and contrast, that people want something real. So whatever career or path a woman chooses, I feel the more authentic she is, the successful she will be. And authentic means your story by no means is going to be perfect, and people like to hear that. People— because they, they can believe you. And I think that's why I'm particularly successful, because I don't call myself an expert. I'm a psychotherapist. I have the license, I have the degree, I have the hours. Um, but I'm also a woman who never thought she'd get divorced, and I have 3 kids, 2 with special needs. And I can speak from an authentic perspective of what, what I experienced when this happened to me and how I transcended and where I'm at now. And people value that.

Yeah. First of all, I want to thank you for being so brave and opening up about your own personal life and personal journey. And I think that that really brings a lot of value to the listeners. And thank you for that again. As a psychotherapist, what advice do you have for women who struggle with their mental health or face challenges related to emotional well-being? How can they navigate those obstacles and find support on their journey?

It's, well, we are in a mental health crisis for sure. Um, it has been amplified since the pandemic, so it's absolutely not taboo. To be honest and say, I'm struggling with anxiety, I'm struggling with symptoms of depression. Um, many people are today, and now more than ever before, support is just a few clicks away, um, on your phone, online. There is tons of support groups. When I did my, um, when I was going through my divorce, I looked for— I would use meetup.com, which is online, but it brings people locally in your area together for a variety of different interests, whether it's a book club or cooking, but also mental health groups. And I didn't see what I was looking for, so I created my own group called Divorce Diaries— Divorce Diaries— and it became very successful. And there's nothing like— on meetup.com. I'm not doing it now since COVID I stopped it, but that we used to meet every other week. I would do women's group and men's was the alternating weeks. And then once a month I would bring the groups together. And it was such a phenomenal community because it normalized pain. Didn't matter what your politics were, didn't matter what your religion was, what your age was. Everyone understood the pain and stages of ending a long-term marriage, going through the family court system, dating again, going back to work, raising kids, co-parenting. And you're relating to other people and they're relating to you. And some of the girls in these groups are still to this day best friends and they started businesses together. They're roommates. Finding your tribe when you're not feeling great helps you not to feel alone. And we need community. We need each other.

That's amazing. So you would just say to a woman who struggles with, with her mental health to go out there and just find circles of support and community.

You know, if she's extroverted like I am, you know, go find a meetup and go, go there and show up in person. But there's some people who are not as extroverted, that are more introverted. So there's tons of online options too, through Facebook, through Instagram, about, you know, moms groups or, you know, professional burnout women's groups. Anything you want is there. The only job you have is to be clear on what you're looking for because clarity directly connects to manifestation.

That's amazing.

Wow.

So, yeah. So, you know what? This is an approach I have not expected you to share. I would just, you know, and thank you for that. I think that's really the power of community and the power of just understanding that you're not alone. You know, there is more people that have similar challenges than you. And once you meet those people and once you, you know, engage with them, it's healing for you and for everybody in that group. And it's a beautiful thing. Now let's go, let's go to another, another subject that, you know, it's not actually, it's not in my questions, but I was thinking about it as I was talking to you, you know, how people, especially in Judaism, are starting to really understand that Judaism is really not a religion. It's a form of a relationship with the Creator. And, some people are starting to develop that relationship more and some people develop the relationship less, but then there is something called faith that I think we all have. How do you What advice would you give women that meet somebody who is considered to be religious or have more faith, or let's just say somebody who keeps Shabbat or somebody who keeps kosher diet and then she's not? And then, I mean, do you think there is any chance for something like that to work? Do you think that women would want to modify maybe their diet or or spend their Shabbat in a community because Judaism is really all about community as well. And, that's very empowering as well because when you go on the Sabbath, you stay home alone and just you and the guy. And now, you guys can go into a community when there is more people involved and it could be more empowering and more engaging. And, But sometimes me personally, I get into a lot of situations where girls says, oh, you're too religious, or, oh, you keep Shabbat, you keep kosher. I don't know about that. And then actually I have other girls that are religious. They say, oh, you're not religious enough because I'm not wearing always black and white and a black hat. So I'm kind of like somewhere in the middle because I really believe that Judaism is really not a religion. It really is a relationship with the creator and kind of religion kind of made it has so many stereotypes and people are afraid of religion and you know what, and maybe they're right. You know, maybe they're right. Maybe religion has a really bad reputation in many different circles. But still there are those differences and people want to come together and build families and build home. What would you tell them when it comes to like a spiritual difference like that?

Yes. Yeah, it's so funny. It's not enough to be Jewish today. You have to— it's the level of religion. It's your politics. There's so many factors now that make dating even more challenging than it ever was. Who's vaccinated? Who's not? There's so much today.

Oh yeah, the vaccine thing. That's crazy.

That's a whole other podcast. Dating today is really— I mean, just opening Hinge and seeing 5 new categories. Of your vaccine status, your gender identity. It's just out of control. But, um, I digress. Um, what I would say is, yeah, uh, as someone who, you know, had a great dating life, um, after my marriage, before I, um, decided, um, to be committed to my boyfriend, which I'll tell you was not easy. I loved my dating life. I love not being committed. And but he consistently waited and was just patient, and he won me over. Also, COVID happened, so I wasn't really dating anybody else. But he— I bring him up because he— I never thought I would date someone who would describe themselves as an atheist because I'm not an atheist. God is very much a part of my world. Religion and self-development is very important to me. So if you told me I'd be— my, my next relationship would be with an atheist, I'd be like, no. But on the flip side, um, and this relates to the religion question too, the reason why it works with us, because he has great morals. Now he doesn't want to call them religious, he doesn't want to say they're from the Torah, but I see how he lives his life and I see the commonality there. And I, I too, when I would go out with people, you know, religion was something that I would pay attention to also, because sometimes religion can be defined as people as a way of limiting life, and it can be very threatening to them. But I've seen relationships that flourish where the man was religious, the woman wasn't religious, or the woman was religious, the man was not religious. And they're doing amazing together. And the reason why is because the person who was more religious, they made it like an invitation. They didn't say, I need you to do this or else it's not going to work, which further contributes to the stereotype of limiting life, right? If it's more like, you know, maybe you'll come with me for Shabbat, you can meet some of my friends, you know, or this is what I do and I do it because it The discipline of separating food makes me more connected to God. You know, if you want to try it, I'm here for you. If you make it like an invitation where it's not forced, um, you take away a little bit of the fear. And a lot of times people are inspired to do what their, their loved one is doing because it helps further connect each other. So That, you know, that I would say invitation— make it an invitation, don't make it an expectation— and see where it goes. Because we naturally want to do things for each other when we love someone, especially in the falling in love stage. And people who were very anti-religious could be inspired, could be inspired to be like, you know what, I— this is not at all what I thought it was. Everyone's so nice. I'm actually interested in this stuff or not. But either way, if it comes from the person themselves and not the religious person imposing on them, I think it makes a huge difference.

The key is to be open. Absolutely. People don't like to be told what to do. I mean, when you tell somebody, I mean, even a child, you know, when you tell your child what to do, they either not going to do it. When you tell them don't do it, they will do it. So you need to approach it in a way that it's, like you said, more inviting. And I totally with you on that. And yeah.

But then again, if you're clear, if you're religious, if you're observant and you're clear that that is part of your derech, then don't waste your time. Everyone has a different circumstance and there's no judgment here. But if you are able to be open and being very ultra-orthodox is not as clear for you as your derech, then come with that energy of openness.

Yeah, I totally understand that. I wrote in my book, World Evolution, Mindset of the Sages, I wrote the idea that people are missing out on living a very, what can I tell you, really entering a new realm of connecting with the creator of the universe because of their stereotypes on religion and, oh, religion will make me do this and will make me do that and will take my life, make me live less. And, this is such a big misconception because once you really understand what the Creator is and you are aligning your perception of reality, you're starting to really understand that, I mean, if you want it or not, you have a relationship with the Creator. And this is probably the most important relationship that you could have because that's including everything, your spouse, your children, your coworkers, your community. This is all a part of the oneness of creation and once you really understand and you're able to unify all those things into one thing, then you are able to really enter the realm of godliness, as we call it, where life becomes a lot more interesting and fascinating. So, what can I tell you, Daniela? This was an amazing conversation. I really enjoyed every minute of it. Your insights are fantastic. You speak from experience, and I really recommend everybody that listen to this podcast and wanna get more and maybe use your expertise to help them, they can go into your website, daniellabloom.com, and get more information, contact you, And we're going to leave also the link at the bottom of the video when we upload it to YouTube. And fantastic. Do you want to say anything else before we are ending this podcast today?

This was a pleasure. And I think having candid conversations about relationships and what challenges and being honest about it really can just is the most influential for the next generations. Because that's what, what's happening. We are going to have children. Our children are going to have children. So the more honest we are about what makes a relationship work today, the more we are doing our tikkun olam for the next generation. So thank you so much for having me on. I'm happy to come back anytime and talk about other subjects. This was great. My, my wisdom and my experience is obviously for everybody. And I have so many Christian friends today, actually. I have a lot more in common with so many Christian friends today than I do with a lot of my Jewish friends, but that's another topic. But this was great, and I'm thrilled that your podcast is successful like this because this is beautiful topics to be sharing today.

Thank you so much, Daniela, and thank you guys for listening, and we'll see you at the next podcast. Have a good evening and take care.