5: Parenting & Technology: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

And so I joined this group, um, it scared me to death. And so this is like not a group that you join if you have even like a healthy level of anxiety around you.

There's good things you just have to monitor, and sometimes you feel like you're not doing enough monitoring. Like I said, sometimes I'll let her play. Okay, yeah, just go and play on your iPad.

Yeah.

And I know I've told her, don't do this, this, and this, but that doesn't mean she's going to listen.

I end up feeling like such a hypocrite because I'm constantly on my phone and on my computer at work and like texting and, you know, this and that. And so I'm like in my technology at all times. And then I'm trying to be like, I'm doing this, like, you're not doing that.

I always had hesitations with allowing them to learn how to use, you know, technology and stuff like that, but it's a necessity. We're Erika Radis and Marie Lifschultz, a San Antonio area realtor and lender, but most importantly, we're working moms.

The goal of this podcast is to provide support and a sense of community to San Antonio area working moms like us. So join us in trying to find a balance between career, family, and everything in between.

Welcome to this week's episode of the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. This week we're talking about parenting and technology. It's a subject that I imagine most of us have to deal with, and it's not going away. So this week we actually have another admin from our group on, Lisa Ramos. And so I'm gonna let her sort of introduce herself really quickly, and then we'll kind of get things going.

Hi, I'm Lisa. Um, I have 2 children. I've been a part of this group since it was started, like the other 2. I just have not been really— I don't like to do a lot of videos and stuff like that. I'm very shy when it comes to stuff like that, but in person I'm not. So, but my 2 children, one of them is a grown man, he's 24 years old. Um, I have a grandchild also, so I have experience in being a grandparent. And then my youngest, she's actually only 10, so I have a big gap in between. So, um, I can tell you raising a 10-year-old— when my son was 10, a long time ago, that was a big difference 14 years ago compared to now as far as technology goes. Um, it's only grown because when he was growing up, it was just starting, the boom was just coming, and now I— there's things that I didn't think about back then that now I have to think about. Well, I'm sure that we all think about now.

So also a girl and a boy, right?

So sometimes it can be a little different. Very happy to, to be part of the subject because I think there's a lot of things that we can learn from each other. I've had some very scary experiences with my daughter. Um, yeah, so it's, it's, it's a balance, I guess, that you try to give them a little bit of that freedom to, you know, play because With COVID and stuff, you know, it's just been everything's technology driven now. So their friends, they could only get a hold of them, you know, yeah, cameras. I mean, I don't know if y'all let y'all's girls Zoom, you know, or your boys Zoom with like their friends or anything like that. Do y'all?

We did. We— it's during, during COVID especially, we're like, we didn't like the online gaming yet for, for my youngest Aaron. And so we would allow him, he would get his tablet, do a Zoom like he was doing school, and they have it face toward the video screen and they would talk like this.

Yeah.

And do this thing. And it was the only way they could really connect. And I have, I always had hesitations with allowing them to learn how to use technology and stuff like that, but it's a necessity, right? Dealing with them, I realized, because most of my job is online and working with documents online and so forth, they learned how to use technology a lot faster than adults do.

Right.

And they, they learned how to use those skills very young. So as an adult, if they have to continue to use that, they'll have those skills built in. But it's a big balance between utilizing technology for fun. But it's a necessity in life, right? Like we do this. This is part of, you know, part of our getting together. But it's also part of work. I meet clients this way.

So yeah, my kids don't really do a lot of Zooming and that kind of thing. My issue is, is that I don't know what's safe and what's not safe, and because I don't— and how to make things safe. So like, um, for example, um, my girls, they wanted to do, I think, Roblox or something like that on the, on the iPads. And so we put them on there. It was like, whatever. Well then, and I told Marie this, I made like a horrible mistake in life, and it was, it was joining this Facebook group where it was called like, um, Parenting in a Technology World or something like that. And so I joined this group, um, it scared me to death. And so this is like not a group that you join if you have even like a healthy level of anxiety around you. And my level of anxiety is usually, you know, through the roof. And so, yeah, I mean, people were talking about this Roblox and how like there was like inappropriate stuff in there and, you know, whatever. And so it scared me to death. And so I was like, oh my gosh, you guys, we have to take this off the iPads. Like, I'm sorry, I don't know how to like monitor this. And so I was like, now we just can't have it, you know? And I know that's a terrible way to react, but I just don't— I don't know enough about it. And outside of the information where it's like— I feel like there's a ton of information out there about why things are scary and bad, but there's not a ton of information out there about how to make it less scary and bad, you know? And I agree, how to monitor a little bit, let them have some freedom. And so because I'm not aware of how to do that, I just took it away, which I don't do it.

Yeah, yeah. I see the experience that I had with Aaliyah. She doesn't have Roblox anymore because she did at one point. I'm like, okay, yeah, sure, you can use it. And I was like, okay, no, you know, no chatting, no doing this, no doing that. I had to do all the privacy stuff, right? Um, but then not even that is going to stop people because my experience with her was one day she was trying to get on and she couldn't get on Roblox. And I'm like, okay, well, what's going on, right? So she kept trying. She's like, maybe there's an update. And it happened for a few days. And I finally got actually online instead of going through like the Roblox thing and signed in. And it said that she had been banned for so many days for some kind of explicit phrase or something. So I— and she didn't tell me this, so when I found out, I was like, okay, so why do you think Roblox isn't working? Did you do something? You know, trying to get her to—

yeah, get her.

Yeah. Instead of me just jumping on her. And she did tell me. She told me, she was like, well, someone was— kept following me and was asking me issues they kept putting, because you can put as like your name, um, you can put anything on there. So like you can go around saying a phrase, you know, over and over again. So the phrase was, um, ABCD, because it would be like, say ABCD, um, as your phrase if you want to be a parent or a baby, because they were— it was like a family role-playing thing, right? Well, someone was going around saying 'Put ABCD if you want to be my sex slave.' No, she's 10.

Oh my God, this is not helping my anxiety at all.

So I'm sorry, but this is my truth. This is what happened.

Yeah, of course.

So, you know, she told me this, and she was afraid to tell me, but she told me. And I said, 'And she goes, well, I was in my house and they kept coming to my house. And she said, she said, leave me the eff alone.

Yeah.

And they banned her for that versus the other one.

Well, she said, I was trying to find this person because I'm like, what was this person's name? And she's like, I don't remember. And I'm like, you need to tell me.

Yeah.

And I'm like, you're not playing this game ever again. So she hasn't played that game for years now.

Yeah.

And Some of her friends still play, and I mean, I'm like, she actually told me a couple of days ago, she was like, you know what I regret? And I said, what? She was not telling you. And I said, not telling me what? She was like, about Roblox. And I said, yep. And she goes, but I told you all the truth, Mom. And she's, do you think I'll ever be able to play again? I'm like, I don't know, because I don't believe you because you didn't tell me the first time.

We have something similar. It is scary. So like, uh, Aaron, you know, my youngest, and he's not as little as Aaliyah, a little older, and he, um, liked— I can't even think of the game— Fortnite, one of them where they can play online. And we had always told them that, hey, typically they would play with their friends, like if you know the person, they're from school, whatever. Then we got into, oh, this is, this is so-and-so's cousin. 'Oh, this is so-and-so's friend.' What? I'm like, 'I don't know about that.' Well, then we were somewhere and his phone— he does have a cell phone, he's 13— he had a cell phone and there was either a text or a call that came in or something. It was weird. And I saw the number and it wasn't something I recognized. And he says, 'Oh, that's so-and-so,' and it's someone I knew. I'm like, 'Oh, okay.' And I have that person in my phone, but I'm like, 'Wait a minute, the area code isn't a— wait, what?' And I was like, that, that's not right. Wait a minute. Come to find out later, you know, going through the whole shebang, it's someone he had— he thought he met online. It's a young girl his age that they had been chatting. I grabbed that phone, checked through it, went through it and checked all the text messages. Were innocent. There was nothing that I felt any concern of, like it was nothing that was— I felt inappropriate. But at this point, the rules were you can't talk with anybody unless We know them, we know them, or they're friends from school or something like that. And the school's very small, so we know everybody. And that was a big— my husband took it to the extreme. He called the cops.

Oh, wow.

He had them come over to say, we're not joking. This isn't a joke. You don't know if that person over there is a 12-year-old girl. It could be a man that you're speaking with. And we felt that it was necessary for him to understand that this is how far Well, you know, that we feel that this is important. So the policeman came over to our home, looked at the phone. He felt the same thing, that it was, it was probably, it was innocent. But at this point, he talked with Aaron and said, hey, look, people out there aren't trying to be your friend, you know. Yes, you can play games, but you have to be smart and play safely online, you know. There are—

and I—

he didn't feel like you should take it away. He just felt that you have to be able to be there and monitor and be honest. That's the point. Whether— where he got grounded from was not being honest with us. Like, hey, had you come to me and said, hey Mom, there's this person, I enjoy playing with them on the game, would you mind if we could chat on the computer and you could watch us? And maybe that would have been something. I'm like, you know what, let me— I mean, I, I chat to people online all the time who I don't know, you know, because I have to for work, right? I don't know these people. 'Um, let me see,' and monitor that conversation. And eventually, okay, and teach them the right ways to look for things that might be, you know, not appropriate or something like that, rather than him. But it was the not being honest upfront was made, you know, maybe like, 'You're not mature enough to have this,' you know, um, uh, you know, 'not have this ability to do this.' So, um, yeah, we had a long conversation about it.

Yeah. Do you guys, um, do you set time limits for the technology in your home? That's something that I'm really bad about.

Yeah.

And so, I mean, we, like, I feel like we're always trying, like, it's always going to be like, okay, well, now we're really going to set these time limits, and like, I never feel good about it. And then also, and Marie and I have talked about this, I end up feeling like such a hypocrite because I'm constantly on my phone and on my computer at work and like texting and, you know, this and that. And so I'm like in my technology at all times and then I'm trying to be like, I'm doing this, like you're not doing that, you know? And it's hard, I feel like, to set time limits, but I know we need to get better about it. So I'm just curious what you guys do.

Well, for the boys, they're not allowed to game or be on their technology during the school week. So typically Sunday after 6 o'clock, we kind of no more gaming, you know.

Um, they don't have—

well, they don't really don't have time during the week because of all the activities that we have outside. By the time I get home and eat, go to bed, like there's no time. Um, and during— and then typically Fridays, but we always have games Fridays or Saturdays, and even on Sundays sometimes. They don't have a lot of time, so I feel kind of bad. Um, but like on their days off, that's what they do, they're playing They're really into this NBA 2K3, whatever it's called, playing basketball right now online. But so they don't have a lot of time. My older one, Tyler, does have— we've given him access to Instagram, but I monitor it. So I feel like I'm on Instagram because I'm making sure. And he's really into obviously supporting his school, really big into football and lacrosse right now. So that's kind of all his feed. Everything is on there. But yeah, Aaron, the phone gets put away, it gets charged up, you know, not in the room. Um, YouTube is limited to the time, not even during the week for the most part. They, they have convinced us like, hey, YouTube is just like watching TV, why can't we watch TV and not YouTube? So I, I kind of, I, I feel like a hypocrite too because I'm on my phone constantly for work, um, on the computer, you know, consistently for work. So it's like I can do it, but you can't.

Right.

Yeah, well, with Leah, I am, I guess, pretty lax with her. So we are also pretty busy with sports, but I pick her up on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. As soon as we get home, that's the first thing she wants to do is jump on and play some game on the Switch or on the PlayStation or get on her iPad or And she draws on her iPad and stuff like that too. So it's not always gaming, but it's electronics, right? Um, and I'm really like, okay, yeah, go ahead. So I'll let her— as long as she can have homework, I'm fine with her getting on her stuff while I'm starting to get dinner ready or whatever it may be, because it's my way at the time. Um, but dinner's ready, okay, it's time to turn it off. We're gonna eat. We eat, um, take shower, and if she has time— if she doesn't— if her clothes are ready, she's taking a shower, she's eat in, she's brushed her teeth, I will let her go back on even before she goes to bed. And even at that, I'm pretty like, Leah, I'm like, okay, bedtime is, you know, 9 o'clock or 8:30. She's taking a shower, 8:45, she's out, 9 o'clock she's laying in bed, but she's not asleep. She is, you know, trying to fidget and, you know, do this and that. So it's hard for me to get her to wind down. So a lot of times I'm like, okay, maybe I shouldn't let her do the electronics before bed. Yeah, back and forth with it a lot. But yeah, she's— she pretty much has free rein over it as long as she's not in trouble with me, because that's the first thing I'll take away. Like, she just got off being grounded for a month.

Poor baby.

Her friends, um, Ted Bundy on, on the phone. She showed him some TikTok of who Ted Bundy was, and, and she's not allowed to watch TikToks. So yeah, she got grounded because no TikTok in my house is allowed. I don't let her watch YouTube. Um, she wants to watch YouTube videos, like just random people doing things, and I'm like, no, you're not doing that, you know. So that kind of stuff, I'm like, it gets annoying to me after a while hearing the same things over and over again. I'm like, okay, yeah, we're not doing that. But other than that, and I question, I'm like, you know, is it okay, is it not okay? I try to make sure she's not, um, she doesn't have anything where she can really chat with anyone besides Messenger, Kids Messenger. Have you heard of it? Have y'all tried it?

Yeah, the boys used it.

Yeah. Okay, so it's part of your Facebook, Erika, and it's— you allow, um, who they're able to talk to. You have to give permission to that person to your child. So like Marie and I had like Aaliyah and, um, Aaron ain't on the same one. So if they wanted to chat, they could chat. Like, you have to give them permission. Other than that, no one else can chat with them. You get to—

go ahead. I want to say something positive about the Messenger. So that's how they would call my parents. Aaron would get bored and call my dad through, uh, Kids Messenger. Well, my dad would call while he's at school, which was kind of weird. But so Aaron went back and found messages from my dad. He goes, Mom, look, I have it. My parents have passed, so it was something, a very cool thing. And he doesn't ever want to get rid of Kid Messenger because that's— he has a video with my dad wearing a unicorn.

And my dad was—

he just left him a message, hey monkey, I'm thinking about— or whatever it was, you know. And he's like, he found it. So it was a really cool thing. But yes, you have some control of who can like they're able to talk with some kid friends from school. That way, if I'm friends with the parents on online or whatever.

Yeah, and you— one positive thing, you get to see their videos and their messages that they send between each other, so you can monitor all of that from your own phone. Um, you have access to all of that, so I let Leah use— otherwise there's no chatting. If she's playing Fortnite, she cannot be using her headset because I need to hear who's talking to her and what's going on.

Yeah.

You know, other than that, you know, I'm like, okay, yeah, you can— she likes to listen to music a lot, so she's always on her iPad, always.

Yeah, no, I know. I mean, I just feel like it's so— it's such a hard topic to navigate. You just don't know what's right or wrong, just like with so many parts of being a parent, you know. We're all just trying to figure it out and do the best that we can, but I feel like it's not going away, you guys. Like, we're gonna have to just figuring it out.

So that was kind of my thought process. It's something they're going to have to know. They're going to have to be able to, you know, and if not, they're going to be way behind. Because even in school, they utilize Google Classroom. They utilize other apps. They do use YouTube. Like my high schooler, the teacher during COVID like, posted, created his own YouTube channel with videos he created for students to help study. So he has all the— he's a science teacher, so he had like science experiments that he did at home and And so Tyler's like, hey, I can go back and watch those videos if I have a question and I can't, you know, I can search up his YouTube and, and watch the video, which is a cool thing to do. Um, it's just being a working mom or parent, right? It's how do you do that and the other stuff? It's another layer of parenting that our parents didn't really have to worry about. Even Lisa, you said that when you're your eldest was a little bit younger. It wasn't something— it was just coming into, you know, the, the realm of parenting that, you know, it's just a different— we have no one really to say, hey, this is what we did when we had kids, because there's no one who had to deal with this, you know, that can give us advice on it. So it's hard. It's a hard thing to navigate. I think utilizing groups like ours is a good way to start. Like, hey, what do you do? Getting— so not everybody's right, not everybody's wrong, right? But utilizing as a resource to say, hey, these are things that I've done It's worked for now, but I promise you in a year it might not work because something else has changed. Like we had said no TikTok videos as well, but if you go on YouTube, there's TikTok videos downloaded to YouTube.

That's why I don't like to watch YouTube anymore. I'm like, you're sitting on YouTube to watch TikTok.

And I'm like, that's not how you do it.

It's like a big spiral.

Yeah.

And now I did let her make her own YouTube channel because like I said, she likes to draw, so she makes animations. And she uploads them as little videos. So, and that's her little thing, but she has like 2 followers which are her little 2 friends, you know. So other than that, yeah, I'm like, but you can't watch anything else. So very like hypocritical again.

Yeah, no. Oh yeah, well Aaron's like— Aaron saw our first video that we downloaded for the first time, he's like, Mom, you're on YouTube! Like, it's not that big of a deal, bud. We have 2 subscribers, like, we're good. Yeah, and one's me and one's someone else, you know.

That's funny.

It was cool. Yeah.

Well, so I mean, I bet that our listeners probably have all kinds of opinions and maybe tactics and tips on this topic. So if you guys are listening to this and, you know, you have some advice or you want to let us know what you do with your kids regarding technology, like, please tell us. We want to know. I want to know what other families are doing because maybe it's something that we can implement into our family life that I probably haven't even thought of. So I just want to know what everybody does, and I want to know if it's something that can work for us. And you never know, you could be helping somebody out if you just share a little bit about what's going on at home with you guys.

So yeah, having honest—

it's a hard topic. Yeah, it's, you know, it's a— it's just something that it changes every day. You know, there's always something new to learn. And as we get older, things are harder and they're going to get a lot better at technology than we are.

No, they already are. They're already so much better. It's kind of alarming. You know, I think back to like when we were younger and, you know, maybe chatting was coming out online or whatever. And I remember my dad being like, what are you doing? And I was like, don't you know? Don't you know about all this stuff that's happening? And like, now I'm the one that does not know about any of the stuff that's happening. And so, no, I definitely think back to that time where I was like, my dad doesn't know anything. And it's like, now I'm the one that doesn't.

Well, you know, you know, it's like the plane has changed. You know, I don't think I let the boys ride their bike. I mean, I used to take off on my bike and with my younger sister.

Yeah.

And we'd be gone hours. My parents had no clue where we were. Yeah. I didn't know where we were. I'm like, I don't think I let the boys do that. They've not— I mean, you can stay in the backyard. He's in the front yard and we're there, like, in there. And they're teenagers, like, I'm, I'm feeling kind of weird, but I'm like, I don't feel comfortable with them taking off for hours and me not knowing where they're at.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Interacting with people has changed just because you don't go outside and typically play ball, you know, out in the yard anymore, right?

Neighborhood kids anymore.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I think We haven't really touched on it that much, um, in this, but I mean, I guess there's also some positives to technology, right? Like, you can, you can reach out to other people that maybe you don't see as frequently. People can talk longer distances now and that kind of thing. And obviously, for work reasons, like we talked about, um, those things are positive. So I don't want to be like, oh, it's all negative, but it can— regarding the parenting, it can be scary, you know.

I mean, My 10-year-old has a cell phone, so the positive to that for me is I don't let her go anywhere really, but if she's riding her scooter in the front of the house and I'm like in the driveway around the corner or whatever it is and anything happens, I know her GPS. She has that phone on her, so she has her GPS on there. I'm like, where are you? What are you doing? She could at any time, even at school, unfortunately, if she needed to because something happens. Because, and that's the real reason she kept asking, with all these school shootings and like that, she was like, Mom, what if something happens and I need to call you? And it, okay, made me really think like, yeah, nowadays I don't know what's gonna happen, so let me go ahead and let you have this just in case something happens, which is sad, you know, but she's able to get a hold of me if anything happens. You know, when she was in summer camp, she was able to call me every day and check in with me during her lunchtime, let me know how her day is going, which was really cool. You know, so there are positives to stuff like that too. Talking to family in Houston, she gets to FaceTime with them. You know, she doesn't get to see them very often, so that's one of her favorite things to do too. So there's good things. You just have to monitor, and sometimes you feel like you're not doing enough monitoring. Like I said, sometimes I'll let her play. Okay, yeah, just go and play on your iPad. Yeah. And I know I've told her don't do this, this, and this, but that doesn't mean she's going to listen, you know. She's only 10 years old, you know. She has many mistakes to make, and I'm sure lying to her mom is gonna be a few of them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, um, I think that that was probably like a good little segment on parenting. It was Sí. And so, um, yeah, I think that we'll just say thanks for tuning in to this episode, um, and we'll just see you guys next week, I guess.

See you next week.

Thanks so much for tuning in to the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. Be sure to follow us on social media at our respective Instagram accounts or join our Working Moms of San Antonio Facebook group. Those links can will be found in our episode description. If you have an episode topic suggestion or question, please email us at office@radisagent.com, and be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave us a review. See you next week.