Gentle Parenting for Working Moms | Balancing Business & Motherhood in San Antonio

Welcome to the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. We're your hosts, Erika Radis and Marie Lifschultz, a realtor and lender here in San Antonio. But most importantly, we're working moms just like you.

This podcast is all about creating a space where we can come together, share stories, and learn from each other. We love connecting with with local moms in business, hearing about their journeys and how they're balancing it all. Because let's be honest, it's not always easy, but it's so worth it.

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Now on to today's episode. Grab a cup of coffee, settle in, and let's get started.

Welcome to this week's episode of the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. Today we are here with Victoria of Rooted Mama Therapy, and so we are going to turn it over to her to talk about her practice and her work.

Hi. Well, thank you so much for having me here. Thank you. I'm excited to be here with both of you and talk a little bit more about what I do, but also get into the topic of gentle parenting cuz it's one of my favorite things to talk about lately. But, um, yeah, thank you for having me. Um, I started my practice early last year, 2023. For, um, it's a solo practice for now, so it's still kind of coming up on, on stable legs. Um, but I knew since I was in grad school that I wanted to have my own practice. Just for the first few years as a licensed practitioner, I've been getting my feet wet and exploring the field and figuring out what kind of client that I really like working with. And it's moms.

Oh, stay with us. Yeah.

Stay here.

We love you.

Yeah.

They're my, they're, I hate to say the word favorite, but they are my favorite kind of client to work with. I just really feel a strong connection and really easy vibe with my mom clients. And as a mom myself too, became a mom for the first time in 2020, my little pandemic baby. Aw.

Yeah.

Yeah. So I also really relate on a personal level with moms and I noticed, uh, like a common thread with a lot of the moms that I was working with was this, um, general anxiety about motherhood and wanting to do things differently from the generations before, but just not really knowing how to do that. Name itself, Rooted Mama Therapy, comes from the idea of wanting to help my clients really come into, uh, the core of themselves and feeling really grounded and strong and rooted in themselves as a mom so that they can raise really strong, resilient kids for themselves too. And know that the, that the shift that they're deciding to make that's different from what they grew up with, um, is exactly where they wanna go and they know exactly what direction they wanna take it in with their family.

I love that.

Me too. I, I think when you had mentioned earlier that, you know, the, as a mom, you, I mean, I, the first I had to put an emotion out there was anxiety. The minute I found out I was pregnant, I'm like, what do I do now? Nothing. It doesn't come with a handbook. I mean, I mean, if you don't have younger siblings or anything like, I mean, I don't, I didn't know what to do with a baby and what to do and what to expect. I think we still— I'm still learning as my— I have teenagers now, but I'm still learning what to do. So having someone who— I mean, they would help you through that because it's not something that people talked about. You're just supposed to know. They assume you're, you're a mother, you should know what to do, how to parent your children. And yeah, no, things change. Like, the way we were parented is not the same as how we parent our children because there's technology, there's a lot more things that have happened in the world than when we were kids.

Exactly. And you might have a strong support system and a really solid tribe that you love to lean on. Mm-hmm. But maybe some of the advice that you're given doesn't totally resonate. So that still leaves the mom feeling a little bit lost or misguided in how they wanna do things differently. Like you said, in today's world. So that's the, the gap that I'm trying to help fill in a supportive way for my clients.

That's great.

Yeah.

And today we're gonna talk about gentle parenting, like you mentioned. And even before you got here, Marie and I were like, we hear people say gentle parenting, we hear what examples of that is. And like, if you look on the social media, I feel like it looks like just letting your kids kind of do whatever, you know, sometimes, right? And I know that's not what it is. Um, and so I'm just so curious, like, to learn more about it.

Yeah. And I'm glad that you mentioned that too, because that is the misconception that I see also that—

Hey Victoria, I made a face. I was like, um, I don't know. Cause I, I've just seen this wild child running around the room. Yeah.

Yeah. It's not about being gentle with them to the point where they're kind of like running rampant and you put no boundaries. Yeah. No guidelines, no guardrails on their existence. Um, that's actually called permissive parenting, which is a whole other topic. But gentle parenting is really more about strengthening their understanding and connection with their own emotions. Mm-hmm. By modeling how you interact with your own emotions too.

Okay. Okay.

So, um, building that, that connection with their emotions so that they know how to more appropriately cope with their, especially negative emotions or unpleasant emotions, um, cope with those unpleasant emotions or really difficult times that they face in life, uh, in a more grounded and, uh, centered way so that they're not bottling things in. Or they're not dismissing themselves or feeling minimized for having negative— I don't know if y'all experienced this when you grow— when you were growing up, but you ever heard from parents or guardians, like, just get over it?

Yes.

I still hear that from my parents and guardians.

Yes. Yeah. Just get over it. It's not that bad. Not a big deal. You're making it a big deal.

I mean, I grew up in— maybe it was culturally or just the age. I'm a little older than than both of you, but my, my mom, it was more you're seen, not heard. And I had a— I could not keep my mouth shut to save my life. I couldn't. If I had something to say, I needed to say it. I couldn't stop it. But it wasn't being disrespectful. I never— I, I loved my parents, but sometimes the way they would tell me to do things, my brain didn't understand it, I guess. So I would do it differently, but I had a reason. I always had a reason for something, like why I didn't do exactly how I was told. And that was just not permissible in my household. Like, no, like it was, they get very upset. Like, but, and I, and, and when you try to explain it, how I felt or how I saw things or what I was doing, it wasn't, that was not okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Or like if you're like feeling like my parents, really my mom specifically, she doesn't listen to this, so it's not, but, um, really my mom specifically, like I would, if I would be like sad about something or like upset, it was always like, But your life is good.

Like, oh yes, yes.

But look how good your life is. And I get, like, I get it. She's trying to like overcorrect the other way to like be like, everything's okay. It's a way of saying that everything really is okay, but it's a very like dismissive way of saying that.

But it's a whole, there's kids starving somewhere. Like there, it was always like, if you didn't wanna eat your dinner, it's always worse somewhere else.

Or you're ungrateful.

Yes.

Right?

Yes. Yeah.

Oh, God forbid.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. So it, like you said, you hit it on the, on the, the nail on the head when the that it's dismissive. So it could be coming from a good place. I'm trying to help my child move past that emotion so that they can be happy again. But there's not enough space given for the child to actually deal with that emotion. That's very normal and unavoidable. All of the emotions, there's nothing bad or wrong with emotions. But when we are given that as the example growing up, that's what we start doing ourselves as adults. Yeah. And then when we have kids, we kind of like repeat the same playbook. Yeah.

Yes.

And that's how generational patterns start to, yes.

I, and I hate that, but I catch myself doing that same thing. Like I have a 13-year-old, we have 3 daughters, so there's a lot of emotions happening. Yes. Um, at all times. But we have one that just turned 13 and she is going through the times of just like crying at the drop of a hat. I mean, you know, it's the hormones and the different things that are happening and like she'll be crying and I'm like, why are you doing that? Why are you crying? And she's like, I don't know. Like she can't explain it. And I'm like, stop.

Stop. Boys are the opposite.

I see myself do it.

The boys are the opposite. They just get mad. I'm like, why are you mad? Like, I'm not yelling. Why are you upset? Like, check yourself. And I need it done. And there, there's a, there's typically a reason, but I try to listen. But maybe you can tell us how to do it the right way. Yeah, please.

I would love that. Every time I do it, I feel so guilty. And then I'm like laying in bed thinking like, oh my gosh, you're horrible. Like, you said that thing, like, she should be able to cry if she wants. You know, then I'm like turning it on myself.

Yeah.

Well, first of all, try not to be too hard on yourself for having that, that internal reaction. Cuz I get it too. I have a 4-year-old, so she's kind of like a teenager.

Yeah.

In a little body. Yeah. And I, I see it in myself also where sometimes I'm like, why do you so dramatic about this thing? It's to us as, as adults, it's not a big deal, of course, but to them it is cuz it's the first time in their life they're experiencing whatever it is. It's. Making them emotional, or their bodies are growing. So there's just a lot of, uh, hormones, all the stuffs, all of the things. So it makes sense. But initially we see that and we're like, just stop, you know?

Yeah.

There's too much going on right now. Or like your mom used to say, life is great. Like there's no room for that kind of emotion here.

Right.

Um, don't beat yourself up about having that initial reaction because if you are the first to try to break that pattern, of course it's gonna Yeah, of course we're still gonna have that automatic reaction. Um, as long as we literally stop ourselves, even if we don't, there's still a chance to repair it. But if we can try to stop ourselves from verbalizing that reaction, then that's a good first step.

Okay. Yeah. I mean, I think, I think it's great that we recognize like, oh, maybe I shouldn't have done that. Like at least you have that in your head. Like you're, you're thinking that's all I have in my head. I know. Is that exactly?

Yeah.

In life, we should not be doing that.

I'm a big overthinker.

So, yes. Yeah. Yeah. I have to just not say anything.

Yeah.

Like I'll make a face or I'll, I'll grunt. Yeah. But I'm, my first step for myself at least was just, just don't say anything. Don't give a verbal reaction because it, they pick up on it. Even if they're having their moment, they'll hear that. So I wanna try to at least stop that first thing. And then if I need time to figure out how I wanna respond, I give myself time, even if I have to kind of step away and quiet scream in the bathroom.

Yeah, well, I think I'm assuming as, as you— I mean, from toddler to— I mean, because I don't know infant-wise how that would work, but you know, but through the ages, obviously I had to change how I parent my children as they grew, right? I'm in the teenager, and I, I can have more in-depth conversations, more intense conversations than they can open up when they feel like it. And it's different hours of the day that they're willing to talk now. Like, I have to be available sometimes at 11 o'clock at night when my son's ready to just talk it out. I'm like, you're gonna do this at 8, like, at dinner? Like, this is, this is ridiculous. Like, it's— we're going to bed and he's— but I have— he has all this stuff that he wants to share about his day. And I'm like, you know what, I'm not gonna get this very often, so I better— let's listen.

Yeah.

You know, or hear what he has to say. And Um, so it changes, right? It changes between the stages of life that your child's in, how you do things.

100%.

Yeah.

Yeah. Because we have to be aware of what stage of like cognitive development that they're in. Yeah. What they're able to understand and what matters to them too. So that's a good point that you brought up is how it does evolve, which is also another reason why it's important for us to be patient and graceful with ourselves or gracious with ourselves because we're probably gonna fumble through all of this.

Yeah.

Quite a bit. Um, so we need to be like self-forgiving along the way as we try to figure this out. But gentle parenting should probably include like a little parenthesis, gentle with their feelings parenting.

I see.

It's not gentle with how you discipline or gentle with the actions you decide to take necessarily, but it's more just keeping at the front of your awareness what it is that they're feeling and always letting them know that it, it's gonna matter to you. Across the board, no matter what you have going on.

Yeah. Kind of like it's okay to feel your feelings. Mm-hmm. Like let them know that.

Yeah.

Even if you don't know why they're feeling those feelings.

Or you don't agree with their feelings. Yeah. Yeah.

It's okay to disagree with it. You just, you have to be aware that they are feeling something. Okay.

Well, I think I do a little bit of that. So then maybe I do more gentle parenting.

You might do that.

Yeah.

Yeah. You pat yourself on the back.

Um, so why do you feel like there's this like big misconception? Because like I said, you just see these kids like running wild and the parents just being like, It's okay. And it's like, it's not okay. Like you have to say something or do something, right? I mean, to sort of at least guide them or show them.

Well, I have to say, I, I went, I went to an event one time and, um, it was friends from high school that I happened to see and they had had a child and, um, it was 6-ish age, maybe 7. And, um, there she, she was running amok. I mean, she was on tables, she's jumping off stuff. And it was an event that it, we're outdoors, but it's, it's still not appropriate to do those things. I'm like, She's gonna fall on her, she's gonna knock food over. Like, she's running around and they're kind of like corralling her like a— like, like, I don't know, weird. And they mentioned gentle parenting. I'm like, okay, put the kid in the corner. Like, this is ridiculous. Like, this is not working. And then she wouldn't smack the dad. I'm like, that's not okay. Like, you shouldn't hit— like, no. Like, do something. And so in my head, when she started talking about gentle parenting, I'm like, oh no, we're not gonna have a good conversation.

Extreme. But they said that's called something else, permissive parenting.

I mean, they're very like, oh, very, um, hippie-ish type. Yeah, like, yeah, we're just gonna run and the kid's gonna figure it out. No, they need guidance. They need— that's— it's not okay to kick people's plates off the table. Like, this is— that's not okay. We're not doing that today. That's not all right. That's mean. Like, don't do that. So, but yeah, so that's what she said, gentle parenting.

I was like, uh, no, I wouldn't say that's it.

But when I— that— but the They, they, the, the, the parents said, we, we gentle parent. I mean, you should tell her not to do that. Like, that's not good.

So that's kind of the stuff that we might see sometimes.

Yes.

That's not to say all the time, but sometimes on like the Instagram. Yeah.

Yeah. So in my head, that's what I pictured when we're like, I'm like, uh-oh.

Uh-huh.

Oh, that's not it.

Sigh of relief now.

That's not it. Yes.

Yeah. And that's probably one of the, uh, the thing about social media. I have a love-hate relationship with it.

Yes.

And one of the risks of it is how like therapy speak can sometimes be tossed around really and like boundaries being one of the big ones over the past several years. Um, and gentle parenting is one of them where it's, it's being spread around and I like the awareness aspect of it, but we have to, um, misinforming.

Yes.

One another about what it really means. So it's gentle with the emotions. It doesn't have to mean gentle with your, with your actions as a parent. Of course, kids need structure. They need boundaries and guardrails to figure out how to grow into pretty decent adults. So, like, teaching them that, you know, when we're at an event like this, bud, maybe we don't do that. We're not at home.

But even at home, don't kick my plate off the table. Like, that's not a good thing.

Yeah, yeah.

But I mean, even other mammals, right, do parenting where they'll You know, like, um, I, I watch the Instagrams, so I— a lot of dog stuff comes on my feed for some reason. But it's showing where, like, we have a lot of dog trainers, like, where they'll let, um, maybe the alpha dog or someone correct the behavior of the puppy, right? And it looks mean, it sounds mean, because I'm like, oh my God, it's gonna bite his head off. But it doesn't. It just calms him down, like, hey, that, that behavior is not okay. And then the puppy's fine, right? So there are behaviors where you're correcting inappropriate behavior um, in all aspects. So like just letting a kid run amok because you don't want to hurt their feelings or they don't like that, it's not— that's not gentle parenting. So it's with their feelings.

Yes. So you can be firm and you can say, uh-uh, I'm not gonna do that, I'm gonna bring you over here, we're gonna talk about it. And they're throwing tantrum, they're crying. You as the parent, as applying gentle parenting, have to do your best to keep yourself calm and grounded and focused on them. What I sometimes see parents do is take it to the other extreme and they lay the hammer down. Yeah. And they, they will, yes. Or they will, um, hopefully I, I don't see this very much anymore, but back in the day there was a lot of smacking. Um, just being way too firm about it. Way, way too authoritarian about their approach with that.

So I have to say that's what I grew up. Like I couldn't— like it was a, it was a, it was a backhand. Like I'd get smacked. My mom loved smacking you in the mouth. Like if you were— and she called it talking back. I'm like, why not? I'm just talking to you. I'm talking back. Like it wasn't that. And that's just her reaction. As I grew up to become an adult, I realized she, she suffered from depression. She suffered from other things. She wasn't ever feeling good. So I think her, her frustration with me as I became a teenager wasn't so much me, it was what she was feeling just in general. Like, and whatever I did in the circumstance, in that situation, just, she's like, I'm done, whack, you know?

Yeah.

So it was that. So it wasn't, I don't think she ever mentioned it. As I grew older, we had those talks, we were able to sit down, but she couldn't handle it at that time when I was as a child. Mm-hmm.

And we understand that now as adults. But what that leaves with is like, you didn't know that as our own stuff to now heal and recover from.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because of all those experiences. So as hard as it may be in situations where your child is really acting out and really expressing a lot of big emotion, I feel it too. I get my, I feel myself like my chest is tightening. I'm getting agitated. I really feel the urge to raise my voice back at them and tell 'em to just stop and just listen to me. But gentle parenting guides us away from that. And instead, because children learn from modeled behavior, they learn from observing how we handle situations. Situations. So if we want to teach them that when they're having big feelings, we don't— it doesn't help to just like, blah, like let it all out and go crazy. We have to figure out how to bring ourselves back to center and how to calm our nervous system. So we do that by showing that to them in that moment. We show them, hey, I'm calm. I know you're feeling a lot, but I'm calm. I see what you're feeling. You must be tired. You must be hungry. I understand why that's making you feel that way. Let's take some deep breaths together. Let's look at this color book or, or something to kind of help them first regulate those emotions. And then we talk to them about what's going on and what's best for them to think about and try to do in this situation. Yeah.

I, I think I don't feel like I do a lot of that. No.

I need to start to take that.

It takes a lot of practice.

Like I said before, I don't think I do any of that.

But you know, I was thinking about it, like growing up, I was trying to think, did my mom ever say, hey, just get over it?

She did.

Like when you're at school, uh, kids can be mean and you know, and maybe your kid's going through something and they've been bullied a little bit or they've been made fun of and they come home and they're not in their best spirit and they're not paying attention and they're doing stuff they're not supposed to do, whatever the case is, because they themselves have a stressful day as well. And I, I forget that as a parent, like I was very, I was so frustrated with my youngest. He just does things, he doesn't think things through sometimes. And I have to remember, he— I mean, he's in high school, but he gets to school by 7 o'clock in the morning, he doesn't get home till after 8 o'clock at night. That's a long day for anybody. Oh, just in general. I'm like, he got home and I can't remember what it was now, but he did something. I'm like, can't you just like remember? Like, I don't understand why this is so hard. And you don't have to do chores, you don't have to do this, and you don't have to do that. And I'm like Wait, he just had a 13-hour day, like nonstop, you know, even though, yes, some of it's, you know, his sports and whatever, but it's still a very long day. Just like if I come home and I've worked a, you know, 12-hour shift or 13-hour shift, whatever, I'm tired and I don't want to be bothered. So I have to give him a little bit of grace. And I had to step back and like think about it. I'm like, you know what, I went into it. I'm like, hey, look, I'm sorry, buddy. Sorry I got upset. I, I, you had a long day as well, you know.

So Yeah.

And that's hard. That's still kind of, that's hard as a parent though to say, I'm sorry, I was wrong.

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

Especially since it wasn't very, I guess it wasn't very, what's the word? Normal.

Yeah.

I guess. Yes. Yes. Wasn't very normalized when we were coming up. I don't know if, like, older generation parents thought that that was, like, a sign of weakness or that they just didn't owe it to their kids. I don't know. But it's really important that we—

I don't think it was— and maybe think about it. Like, I don't think my mom meant to be cruel or meant to be harsh. Just that's what she knew and didn't know any different. Yeah. And as now that we just have more available, you know, we just— at the time you always think that, you know, a kid's life is easy. It's not. They have a lot of stress on them. They have to think about, are they safe?

Yeah.

What's gonna happen? Who's gonna do what? You know, you— there's a lot of things are happening in the world that we forget they, they know about.

Yeah. And that we can't relate to.

No. We didn't, we didn't have that at that, that much exposure.

Sure.

To the world when we were coming up.

We were kind of like, our bubble was this big, but now their bubble is like, well, social media, if they have access to social media, if they're old enough to do that, then they know news stuff that goes on that maybe as us kids, I mean, if we didn't listen to the news, we didn't know what was going on.

Yeah. You know, are those the kind of conversations that you often have with your mom, uh, patients, you know, who are, you talk about social media and, you know, how it's affecting the family and different things like that.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. We do touch on that from, from time to time. And the, the bigger worry is not so much like that they are on social media, but what they can do, like how do they even talk to them, their kids about what they're exposed to. Like more currently, the, the ICE agents possibly coming to schools and like students are talking to each other about it and kind of like joking around and making light about it. But then there are some students who are genuinely worried, scared. Yeah. And so parents are just so lost about how to even have that conversation with their kids. So that's a big one. Um, but going back to the saying sorry, um, with gentle parenting, even if we have a slip up, Like we have a day.

Yeah.

Where we're just like, I'm not having it. I, I can't do this gentle parenting crap. I'm just gonna let it out.

You're grounded for life. Yeah. Just grounded.

You ungrateful.

Yeah.

Um, we can still come back and repair that and that still counts so much. Um, in the world of gentle parenting where we come back and we say, hey, what I did back there, that was really, that was really wrong with me. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have reacted that way. My emotions got the best of me. You can explain to them that. That, or actually demonstrate to them that even as an adult, we still make mistakes and that's okay. We can come back and apologize for our mistakes and try to repair the damage it may have caused in the relationship. Because we don't want them to think, I kind of got this when I was younger too, was that when you're an adult, or the way that I was being raised, it's like you're expected to just handle things on your own. I never really saw too many arguments taking place. Like, they almost— it felt like it just didn't exist.

Yeah.

Between two parents. So I had this image of, like, these types of emotions or these types of reactions should not be happening as— why am I still feeling these as an adult now? Like, why do I get this way? Like, blaming myself.

Let me make sure I understand. Are you saying that because you didn't maybe see the parents have disagreements and talk and mm-hmm. And as, as an adult, you're like, why am I frustrated with my spouse or my partner? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I don't know how to deal.

Yes, exactly.

Good point.

And I get where they were coming from. They, they just didn't want the, the kids to see them arguing. Yeah. They felt like it was a private thing. And I understand that. But what that left me with was, so how do I do this then?

Oh, that's interesting.

Yeah.

I grew up in a very opposite situation where there was a lot of arguing. Okay. Um, and so I think because of that, me and my spouse try not to fight in front of the kids at all, but it sounds like that's maybe not the right thing either.

There's a middle ground. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm assuming there's some kind of middle. Roger and I, uh, I came from my, my mom and I would argue, um, a, a lot. I mean, I don't think inappropriately, but you know, they would disagree. Um, Roger, his dad would left when he was 3, so he didn't have, but he very, very, um, dominating mom. So that was something. And I remembered when we first got married, I'm like, we both can't be drama queens. Like, one of us has to, like, be able to calm down, like, hone it in, you know, in order to have conversations. So we've tried, and there's times we messed up. And I, in front of the boys, I'm like, I am frustrated with Dad. I, I'm gonna take a break. I'm gonna, I'm gonna walk around the block, or I'm gonna, I'm gonna, you know, walk outside, or whatever the case is. And we've figured out how to— I'm sorry— in front of them so they can see. They have seen that. Yeah.

You know, it might seem taboo, but it is so important for our kids to get to—

I never thought of it that way, but I have never thought about making sure they see us resolve a problem. Correct. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah. Exactly. I mean, there is fair fighting rules. We do not want to see them— we do not want to show them name-calling.

Sure.

Or like low blows.

Yes.

Or, you know, anything unhealthy like that. But it, it, there is value in them getting to see that first of all, disagreements can continue to happen in a marriage. For the rest of our life, or any relationship really. And when they do happen, there's a healthy way to go about it. So going back to the arguments though, and allowing them to observe how a healthy argument can go down with two people in a relationship, that takes it back again to the foundation of it all, which is to show them that emotions matter. They deserve our time and they deserve to have the space that they need, even if they're unpleasant emotions, because Those should not be scary things to confront.

Got it. Well, you know, the thing, I am not the most, um, affectionate of parents or spouses. Like, I'm, I've— not that I'm uncomfortable. I mean, I, to me it's private. Like, you know, showing affection to my husband has always been a private thing. I'm not one to hold hands and stuff like that. But as the boys have gotten older, I do want them to see a healthy relationship and what that looks like. So I have to, I have to, cuz it's not my personality. I have to make a conscious effort to show them like, hey, I like it when dad holds my hand or puts his hand, you know, arm around my back, you know, whatever the case is. Or we kiss each other when we leave just because, um, I want them, I, I mean, I love, I love my relationship with my husband. So I want them to have, have that in the future. So I want them to see what that looks like. Cuz I've seen family members, I've seen other people where they've not seen a healthy relationship and how that works. And they don't— and as an adult, they don't know what to do. Like, they don't know what a healthy marriage looks like.

Yeah. So it comes with the good, of course.

Of course.

We love showing them the good side of it, but it also comes with the hard side of it.

Mm-hmm.

And again, we don't want them to grow up being scared of feeling these emotions that are unpleasant, but also confronting these emotions that are unpleasant, um, with people who matter.

Yeah.

So if we still struggle within ourselves to confront our own unpleasant emotions for whatever reason, um, then that's something for us as moms to also work on, or parents in general to work on. And some good ways to kind of point out which ones are still difficult for you are the moments where you feel triggered. Yeah. By, by what your kids are doing. What is it making you feel? Why is it making you feel that way? And where does that come from?

Oh, so like looking inward at like, yeah, what is bothering you?

I have a hard time telling the boys, like, I, I, I get very nervous with social media. One minute I'm like, yeah, I, I trust you, you're good. Next minute, no, I'm gonna put a time limit. No, you know, I don't want you, like, I go through, I throw waves, like there's stages where I feel okay. 'Cause they're teenagers and I'm trying to give them some, some boundaries obviously, but also allow them to figure things out. Yeah, but I, I struggle with that so much because I want to give them the freedom, but then I'm so scared. Um, it's just, it, it's, it's a lot. But I, I had to— I had a conversation with them like, look, I'm not trying to be crazy. Like, I— when I'm like, I'm, I'm scared as a parent because I don't know.

Yeah.

Like, I— my— the feeling I'm feeling is I'm scared. So please bear with me. I'm trying to figure this out as we go. There's going to be days this is okay, and there might be days it's not, and I'll let you know.

Yeah.

Because I, it's the only way I could explain to them. And they, I, they understood. They're like, okay, mom, I get it. Like, I'm not trying to be mean. I'm not trying to not give you your freedom. I'm just scared.

Mm-hmm.

And they're so capable of understanding. Yeah. We don't give 'em enough credit sometimes. Even if they're as little as 2 or 3 years old, they can understand a lot.

Yeah.

Just try to explain things to them. But that was a great example too of how you recognize that you're feeling scared about giving them freedom and how you're trying.

I'm trying. Yeah. Yeah. It's the— where my boys go to school, it's downtown. So it's not like— and I didn't know, I don't know why I thought this— when they went to high school, they can leave campus if they're there. Like, you know, they, they, they're allowed to do that in downtown. It's not like a— there's a lot of, um, homeless people in the area. Not that they're bad, it's just I'm nervous as a parent. I'm like, hey, my youngest son actually called me yesterday and he goes, hey, can I walk over to the Pearl, um, before practice? I'm like, why? And he's like, because. And I'm like, no, I'm not good with that. He's like, well, Mom, I'm gonna go with some— you know what, no, we've, we've had this— I'm not comfortable with you out off campus, so this— let's wait for practice. Yeah.

And you can even add like, I'm sorry if that upsets you, I hope you understand where I'm—

he wanted to walk around the Pearl and I just, nope. And I had, I stayed firm. I said, I love you. And I said, I know this makes you annoyed. And I said, I'm sorry to annoy you. I said, this is mom's rule and you're gonna have to deal. Yeah. He's like, all right, talk to you later. And we hung up.

Mm-hmm.

But I said, thank you for asking though. I appreciate you asking before doing.

Yeah. And you know what too? Uh, something that just came to my mind is something like that, even though you explained it and it was a good conversation, Um, they might still be annoyed even hours later.

Yes, about that.

And they are allowed to stay annoyed if they want to. And what sometimes a lot of parents do, it's like, why are you still annoyed? Like, stop being annoyed. Like, be happy again.

This is me. This is me.

It's Roger. Roger gets so mad. Like, I told you to blah blah blah. And they're doing the thing, but he wants him to do the chore, whatever it was, happy. Like, why would they be happy? They're in trouble. Let them— they can be mad as long as they do what you want them to do. Let them be mad.

Yeah.

No, but I think I have, I was gentle parenting.

Yes.

Good job. Yes.

I think I don't, I have to get better at sitting in my own, I guess, discomfort.

Yeah.

You know, it makes me uncomfortable when they are uncomfortable or like when they are upset, I get uncomfortable. Yeah. And so I don't wanna sit like that cuz it makes me just wanna crawl outta my skin.

Yeah.

And so then I'm like, why are you still mad? Or like, you know, whatever's going on. I'm like, why do you feel this way? And so then that just makes it worse.

Oh, don't show them that. They'll get it.

Yeah. So, um, that's me though. I'm the person that is like that.

Yeah. So that's a moment where you notice that you're, something's triggering that emotion.

Yeah.

And so digging in and figuring out why is their discomfort making me uncomfortable?

Yeah.

Why am I trying to push them out of that emotion when they're not ready?

Yeah. Yeah.

And I think, well, I think it was because growing up I was always like the peacemaker of the house. Mm-hmm. And so like I would be the one to kind of try to problem solve, I feel like. Um, and so when I can't get that resolution and when everybody's not like back to like their normal regulations, mm-hmm. It bothers me until we are there.

You know?

I think we all go through that.

It's like your job's not done.

Yeah.

I don't like it.

You're not doing it right.

I don't like it when the boys are mad or upset or hurt. We, we don't want our kids to feel negative emotions.

Sure.

But as life, they're going to, and they have to figure that out and feel it. But I, so I, I had to stop myself, like, cuz Roger would get so mad at them, even angrier when they're doing the thing he would want and they would be mad about it and rightfully they didn't want to do it. And so you don't have to do it happy, just do it. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

And I, but it was hard to walk and watch them like, oh, I kind of felt bad, but nope, I'm not feeling bad. Like, it's your chores or whatever it was, do it.

Yeah, definitely. Because it teaches them that they are allowed to, to have that emotion.

You don't have to like it.

Yeah. They've got the space as long as they need it to, to work through that emotion. Like in, in our home, you are free and secure enough and safe enough to feel whatever you're feeling. And I'm not gonna judge you or criticize you for that as a parent, uh, or make you feel dismissed.

Yeah.

Or make you feel like it's wrong to have that emotion. Like it's upsetting everybody around you. Stop being so angry. Yeah. You know? Um, so it's hard because I'm, I was like that too growing up.

Yeah.

Um, kind of like, can everyone stop fighting? Like, why What can I do to help?

Yeah.

And, um, so sometimes I noticed I would do that with my daughter too, especially when she was like a baby. She'd start crying about something and I would try as quickly as I could to distract her with something so she could start laughing again or smiling again.

Yeah. I think that's what people did. Here's a screen. Like they would hand the, the tablet and not let them feel if they were upset. Like, I remember, um, at the grocery store when the boys were little, like I would get nervous if they started to cry or have an episode or whatever. I'm like, and I was by myself. I'm like, they're, I can't have— oh, there's two of them, what do I do? Um, and I would go, oh, here, here, you know, here's something to distract you, whatever. But if for whatever reason— it's okay if they're upset, like, but the screens were a big thing, like, to keep your kid from crying. Oh, here's your tablet, or here's your thing. So then they felt like they always needed that thing. Yeah, it's like a pacifier.

Yes. Yeah, like to soothe them. But we do that sort of instinctually because we're dysregulated.

Yeah.

So we feel like if I can get them to regulate their emotions and be calm again, then I can be calm again. But really it has to work the other way around.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah.

We have to first regulate our own nervous system and our own emotions, and then we can help them by showing them, look, I did it for myself. You can do it.

Yeah.

Let me help you. Let me guide you.

Yeah.

Yeah. So do you have like tips for the moms who maybe want, want to do more gentle parenting? Themselves, like how would you suggest somebody starts doing that? Or like what would you suggest they do?

Well, what not to do is look at Instagram Reels.

Yes. We won't type in gentle parenting.

I, there are two people, like psychologists who are very, like they've sort of paved the way on, on this topic that I always recommend. One is Dr. Shefali. I don't know her first name. Dr. Shefali, she's, she's so insightful and so intelligent about the topic of parenting and the different challenges that we face as parents and how modern parents can kind of pave new ways. And then Dr. Becky Kennedy is another really great resource. And she offers workshops on her website where you can kind of sign up and go through your own like self-paced training on how to do some of the self-exploration and apply new strategies. So those two, um, are great resources that I always recommend. Solid, they're vetted.

Yeah.

Yeah. Um, and their social medias are okay.

Yeah.

And look at theirs. Yes.

Yeah, definitely look at theirs. The other ones are, are for fun. They're funny, but take 'em with a grain of salt. Um, and then it, this is one of those things that I also focus on in my practice is helping women to kind of really dig into the things that activate them and where that comes from and maybe start the journey on healing from those things so that they can, um, find a way to, to make the shift within themselves behaviorally, um, and get, get better control over their own responses and feelings too. Um, cuz the feelings might still be there. Like I said before, I still get those moments where I'm like, ooh, but, um, it takes a lot of practice to, to change the behaviors that follow those feelings.

I agree. Yeah. Well, it's kind of, I mean, it's kind of reassuring to know that you still feel those feelings. I think people think like therapists, like they've got it all figured out and, you know, they don't, they don't go through these things anymore because they're human. No, human.

Yeah.

But no, I mean, if she's feeling 'em, then it's okay that we're feeling 'em for sure.

For sure. She's learning how to deal with it. You know how we feeling?

Yeah.

Yeah. But you did mention something I had before we started the podcast was, um, boys versus girls. Yeah. Right. It's okay for girls and emotions and stuff like that, but boys sometimes it's not. And you said there is a, you have seen stuff. Can you kind of talk about that a little bit? Yeah.

Well, at least where I grew up and when I grew up, I noticed that with boys, it, it looked like the only emotion they allowed themselves to express was anger. Um, and that might have something to do with the idea of like, you're a boy and, you know, you gotta be a man, man up, um, be macho.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

And things like that. Like, that's what is supported amongst boys. I, I really have, That's my best guess, cuz I'm not a, I'm not a guy.

Right.

And I didn't have brothers. Yeah. So this is just what I observed, um, the community that I grew up in. And so what that causes is because they still have all the other emotions, they just don't know where to put them.

Yeah.

Or how to deal with them cuz they're being discouraged from even expressing them. Um, so down the road, as you can imagine what those men end up having to deal with later in life is still not knowing how to deal with those emotions. And they'll, they'll internalize a lot. They are not comfortable talking openly about their feelings with hardly anybody, but let alone other guys, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that causes this extreme problem with loneliness in older men because they feel so disconnected, so isolated emotionally. From the world around them. And I can't imagine what that feels like because women, we don't, sure, we get lonely from time to time, but we have more commonly a bigger community. And we're very comfortable talking about our feelings with each other.

Yeah. Yeah.

So we have, we have a better, we have a better framework to work off of than men do. So I think now anybody who's raising little boys, that's, that's a challenge to, to try to work with, I would say. Is teaching your little boy how to be comfortable with their emotions.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Well, like, I asked the boys, like, I mean, because we're in the whole, hey, we're starting to like girls and do stuff. I'm like, well, ask, you know, ask so-and-so. We don't ask, we don't talk about that. I'm like, why not? They date, you don't. Ask them, like, like, how to do certain things. And there's just things that they don't— like, nah, I'm good.

I know, I often wonder, like, even my husband, like, he'll go hang out with his friends and like You know, maybe someone's like family member is unwell or like maybe someone just had a baby or like whatever. Like there's like life events happening and I'm like, how are they? Like, how is that person? Or like, what, what's going on? And he's like, I don't know. And I'm like, you were just there for 5 hours. You didn't say like, you know, no, we talked about beer and sports, Steelers. What are you talking about? It's like, I don't know.

And so like, yeah.

You know, but then, but then he will remind me like, Oh, well, so-and-so's kids were there and so I didn't wanna ask about that thing that had happened in front of their kid. And so like he is thinking about those things.

It's just like a little lost.

Yeah.

They don't know how to navigate it.

Yeah. And so he's like cognizant of the fact that like perhaps that person didn't wanna discuss that in front of their child and so he didn't wanna bring it up.

So like, mm-hmm.

Whereas I would've been like, oh my gosh, how, how is everything going?

Yeah. Yeah.

I probably wouldn't have even thought about that. I just would've been like, I feel like I need to ask that question. Yeah.

You know?

Yeah. And so they think about things, but just like in different ways than we do. Yeah. You know?

Oh yeah. Well, and when I've asked Roger like, hey, what did you and Frank talk about? Oh, just stuff. Like nothing. I'm like, that's it? Like nothing in depth? Like, okay, whatever.

I don't, I just don't think they do.

Yeah.

They don't do that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And my husband's a little older than I am. He's a, he's a Gen Xer, so I don't know if that generation has anything to do with how he, how he handles other people's emotions. Um, not to throw him under the bus, he's a great guy. But, um, but maybe y'all have experiences too where I have my moment where I'm feeling a lot of emotion, I'm expressing it, I'm crying, whatever. And he looks like frozen, like he doesn't know what to do.

Yeah. We don't know what to do. We were left alone. We were the forgotten child. We were just left alone to do our own thing. Gen Xers. I'm right at the tail end of it. Mm-hmm. And it was just, you're just left to do and you just, you man up whether you're female or male and you deal with it. And you're just like, So emotions, like I said, I'm not as affectionate.

I'm not as I will say though, I'm a little bit, I mean, I'm right.

I'm born in '79.

I'm about to be 37.

So you're on the cusp. Yeah.

I will say I'm a little bit like that. Like when other people cry, I don't know what to do. I'm like, there, there, there, there.

Sorry. Sorry.

It seems like things are bad.

Like, I don't know.

I just like sort of am like, but like not with everybody I would say.

No.

Yeah.

But like with a lot of people, I just, but I'm not like a cold person at all.

Mm-hmm.

But sometimes I just I just don't know what to do. I think I'm, I'm almost paralyzed by like the fear of like saying the wrong thing.

And so I just say nothing and I'm like, but you don't, you don't do it with the girls, right? Like when they're, when they're upset, emotional, you'll hug them. Okay. I have, yeah.

I hug my own kids.

I have, well, I hug my kids, but I'm not like, I, I love my, I love my child. I love my children, but I'm not one like, you're crying. Why are you crying? Like I will, before I hug them, I'll ask them, Why are you crying?

Yeah.

Like before I show them affection, I just, it's my first go-to.

No, you need to know what, what started this.

Like what, what happened? You good? All right, come here.

Like, what is escaping your face? What's happening?

So I, I feel like we just, we were left to do our own thing for, there's nobody around.

Like, and I don't know if this is a guy thing or a Gen X thing or just a him thing, but he jumps to like, okay, let me solve this problem for you.

Yeah.

Yeah. And skips over, oh yeah, you wanna hug. And I've had to guide him before too. Like, can you just stop? Give me a hug.

Yeah.

And tell me that you understand why I'm sad. Right?

Yes.

Like, don't make me feel crazy.

I've heard other people say that though too. And I am very problem solving. And so I'm like, mm-hmm. In my mind, as a person's like relaying their emotions and like breaking down, I'm thinking like, okay, what can I do? Like, how can we fix this thing that's happening to this person? And so, but sometimes people just want you, I've heard, sometimes people just want you to like, hear them.

Yes.

And just like not really give any solutions, which I don't particularly care for at all, but I will do it now. I mean, sometimes people just want you to—

I actually said that to, to my husband last night. So I had some news about, um, I, I'm in the finance, uh, world and I had news about a loan that I've been working on for almost a year.

Yes.

And I'm, I'm on the phone and this gentleman's telling me something. I'm like, you got to be kidding me. You, What? Like, we're almost done. Like, we are almost done and throw this wrench into the mix. So I got off the phone and Raj's like, what's wrong? Like, don't say nothing, just listen. And I like diarrhea of the mouth. I'm going on and on and on. He's like, all right. And he walked off. I'm like, well, that's what I asked for. That's not quite what I wanted, but that's fine. Like, it is it. But I just needed— I didn't want him to do anything because there's nothing he could have done.

Yeah.

To make it better. I just wanted him to listen. And I'm like, I think you understood what I said, but maybe you didn't. But at least I got it out.

So I got a response.

Yes. Yeah.

You made a noise.

Yeah. You looked at me like, all right, crazy. Like, and moved on.

But can you imagine, like with, like I said before, I don't have sons. So like, can you imagine doing that for them as a mom? Like they're word vomiting.

Yes.

Whatever problem they've got. And instead of like helping them try to figure out how to resolve it, you were like, I bet that's really tough. I'm sure it's really hard for you to feel this.

I can't imagine doing that.

But I should. Is that what we should do? That's what we should. I'm learning that that's what we should do.

Emotions first.

Yeah.

Before anything else.

Yeah.

So maybe like, oh, that's hard. That is hard. Maybe it would be okay to be like, that seems hard for you.

That's so condescending though.

We need a little while. Well, maybe not in the tone that I just said.

Yeah.

That seems hard.

Yeah.

No, maybe not in that tone, but you say it, but like mean it. Yeah. And then you can say the solutions if they're open to hearing, if they're ready.

Yes. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. I'm learning.

Okay. I don't do that stuff.

And you can even ask like what you can try to assume what they're feeling, but you can also invite them to let you know what they're feeling.

Yeah.

Are you angry? Are you embarrassed? Are you disappointed?

What do you mean? So for, okay, I have a question. So if you see them and I, and this typical, I'm like I said, I'm in teenager world right now. They go off to them and they don't come out. And then I'm like, I, I pop my, you, hey, you good? Yeah, I'm good. Close the door, come back 2 hours later. Hey, like, good, you've been kind of like closed off. Yeah, I'm good. They're boys, definitely boys. So I'm like, um, I think that's okay, I think that's normal. But I, as a, as a mom, I want to like, hey, let's sit on the bed and talk. And I'm typically not like that, but I'm craving that with them because I don't know, mother, is it— you sure everything's good? Yeah, I'm good, Mom. I'm like, okay, I've annoyed you, I'm, I'm moving on.

Yeah.

But I want to do something cuz I feel like there's something I should be doing, but it maybe this is like I let them deal with whatever it is they're dealing with and when they're ready, they'll let me know that they're ready to do it.

Yeah.

Well, you can leave it on the table. You can say, it looks like you're feeling pretty annoyed. It looks like you're feeling angry. If I'm wrong about that, you know, come let me know, but I'm here for you. You can do it verbally or you can do it written. Kids are all about texting.

Oh yeah.

There's more than one avenue. Connect with them.

That's true.

Yeah.

Sometimes it's easier to write things than it is to say them. So maybe they would write them to you. Maybe like from the other room you'd be like, hey, you seem upset. What's going on?

I have a sibling that doesn't— drives me bananas. Like, stop texting me emotions. Like, let's talk.

Don't text me your emotions.

What are you feeling? Only in emojis.

Yeah.

Can you just write from 1 to 5 how mad you are right now? Yeah.

Like a survey, whatever, whatever it takes for our kids.

Honestly, they wanna have long in-depth conversations in a text message. I'm like, let's just have a conversation. But that's the way they communicate. So I've had to change how I communicate with them. If this is the way you need to hear things and that, then I'll do it this way. And then it helps them process things a little better. But I had not thought about that, doing that with my children because that annoys me.

Yeah.

But I do it for them because that's the way they need to hear how I care. Yeah. Yeah.

So, cuz of course as a parent you want to see, okay, our job is to raise them into pretty normal adults.

Yeah. Right.

Yeah.

You're just hoping.

Right. So we're kind of like hypervigilant about seeing them do things in ways that we think is like normal human behavior.

Yeah.

So we want them to talk about their, their issues and what they've got going on. We don't want them to like be shy and only text it to us. That feels like, okay, are you gonna do this for the rest of your life? Is that the only way you're gonna handle this?

Yeah.

But it's, It's a progressive thing.

Yeah.

Baby steps. So if that's the only way you can get them to start, then that's okay. But feelings first with anything. If you see your kids going through it, um, what are you feeling? Rather than what's going on, what's the problem?

Yeah. What are you feeling? Yeah. I've never said that. Not once. What's your feeling? Like, what are you feeling for? I've never done that first. That, that's a goal for me.

I think I have, but I've put my own like presumptions on it. Like, you know, I'll be like, are you feeling anxious? And maybe they're not, but then now they are. But now they are because they're like, well, I don't know, am I?

You know, like, yeah.

And so I think I'm putting my, like, in my mind I'm like, I would probably feel, be feeling like this. So I try to like relate to them and maybe it's not. So I'm, instead of just asking what are they feeling or how are they feeling, I'm putting something specific there. Um, thinking that that might be an easier way for them to open up, but what if that's not how they're feeling? But now they are.

Mm-hmm. And they're free to correct you. And I tell my daughter too, I know she's only 4, but I'm trying to get started early with this. I ask her how is she feeling? And if she, nothing's coming out, I'll say, okay, well to me you look angry. Are you angry?

Yeah.

And she'll like nod or do that. Sure. And then I'll keep going until she gets to that place where she's so frustrated with me. She's like, I'm sad now.

I'm mad. You keep asking me again.

Yeah. I'm like, good. I got something outta you. Yeah. You're sad.

Okay.

Was it this that made you sad? And as she gets older, I'm sure she'll get better with it. But that's what I'm working on is getting her to say what she's feeling, not for other people to tell her how she's feeling.

When they're so little, sometimes they don't know. They just, they're just feeling, right? Like they, yeah.

That's what I'm trying to teach her is about how to identify and label different feelings. That's where she's at.

Yeah. Pictures to point, just point to one.

Yeah.

Like they do at the doctor's. You feel this bad? Or like a scale.

This face.

Yeah, that helps when they're that little. But with teenagers, they understand. They just— they do encouragement.

But I think giving them the space to do that, I don't think I've done that well. And that's something I'm going to work on, like asking about the feeling versus like not to jump in and problem solve for them right away. Like, I want—

they don't ask you to.

Yes, yes, I agree. Like, I, I want to fix it if something's— a teacher made them upset or a coach, you know, they didn't— they got benched or whatever. I want to fix those things. I don't want them to feel those emotions because I— they're negative in my head, but maybe that helps them grow as well. They have to feel those things because this life.

Yeah. You know, so let's say there's a conflict between siblings. They're having an issue with each other.

Yeah.

So now you're like, okay, what do I do?

Yeah.

Um, gentle parenting approach kind of guides us to get them both to first acknowledge what one another is feeling.

Okay.

I mean, we, as parents, we wanna solve it immediately. Like, stop fighting with each other. Stop hitting. That's mean. You're being disrespectful to one another. You're, you're sisters. You're, get along.

Yeah. Um, oh my God. That comes out of my mouth every day.

Love each other. Love 'em. Yeah.

Yeah. And what that tells them is, again, like, that they're not allowed to disagree.

Yeah.

Or have, have conflict, which isn't fair. Of course they are. So we wanna teach them like, okay, what are you feeling? What is your sister feeling? And then instead of saying, okay, now apologize to each other, the idea is we say, okay, we know what one another's feeling now. We know what got one another to feel that way. What do you wanna do about it?

Yeah. And like leave it up to them.

Mm-hmm. To get them to get there first.

Yeah.

I held it all that wrong.

Me too.

I did that all wrong.

Same.

Because we had a big old blowout with the, the one's a very, one loves to joke and kid around and he's always joking and the other one's extremely serious and it causes just conflicts between their will. I'm like, just love each other. Let me, let me just put you in a t-shirt and y'all can just hug. Like, just hug each other. Yeah. That doesn't work.

It's like getting two cats to like each other.

It does not. That does not work. And I'm like, this isn't working. It's not. My plan is going downhill cuz this isn't working. Yeah. So I did it all wrong.

And with guys, they're typically told like, fight it out.

Yeah.

That's what he asked to do. Let give us boxing gloves, mom.

Like, no, we're not doing that. I noticed, well, my kids do this, but I have all girls, like, and so maybe it's different. But have you ever noticed that like your kids will be getting after it and you're like, love each other and just be nice to each other and all that stuff. Yeah. And they're like, no, you know, I'm not gonna do it. Mm-hmm. And then like 2 minutes later they're like sitting and hanging out and like having the best time.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

I'm like, see, so they got there eventually without my interference.

They can do it.

Yeah. They figure it out eventually.

I haven't seen that yet, but it's why I like to do that.

I think sisters are like that though.

Yeah.

They're really close in age. So, and one, they're about the, they're the same size. It's a little, it's a little different. And, you know, I— my mom put a lot of pressure on older siblings to take care of the younger no matter what. And I, to this day, my youngest, my baby sister, is like my, my third child. I love her. I will do anything for her. I will drop everything because I was taught that. She had that pressure. Like, I remember— I think I've told you this before— I remember I was a senior in high school. She was going to be a freshman. And we were in another high school. We were in different high schools. I am like, now can recognize, I think it was a panic attack. I remember sitting in my car thinking, oh my God, she's gonna get lost. She's not gonna know where to go. She's not gonna have any friends and she's not at the same high school. Like I wasn't there for her.

Mm-hmm.

So I, and I, I love the, the relationship I have with my siblings and I want my children to have that, but I'm going about it the wrong way apparently. Mm-hmm.

Well, no.

Yeah.

But not the wrong way.

But there's a better way.

Definitely.

It's not the gentle parenting way.

Yeah. Yeah. But I think that would work if I allowed them to figure it out and and not step in and try to fix it.

Yeah.

Much better. Cause they're, they're very capable of doing that.

Yeah, exactly. So that's one of the cool things that I love about gentle parenting is it kind of takes a lot of pressure off of us as parents to do a lot of the work when you really don't have to do that.

I forget that they're, they're old enough, they, they're smart, they can figure this out. And they do want that. It's just they have different personalities and need to understand that each of 'em works a little different.

Yeah. And so the only thing for you to work on in that moment is like, what's going on with you? Yourself. Yeah. How, how do you get yourself to, uh, more neutral or calmer state with all of that? Working on releasing the worry.

I got a takeaway tip with that. So that's what I'm gonna work on. Yeah.

Yeah. This has been great.

It's awesome. Like, oh, I mean, cuz in my head I'm, I'm to see this child run across tables and kicking off plates and I'm like, gentle parenting does not work in my life. Like we cannot do this.

Yeah.

That's not bad. I'm wrong about it. You're definitely wrong. It, no, I think it's, it, it's a great way of looking at stuff if you're putting The emotion first versus like, for me in our, in, in my situation with my children, it's me stepping back, allowing them to feel whatever they're gonna feel and the, and being there to help.

Mm-hmm.

Them guide, guide them with that. Not fix the problem. Let them fix it on their own.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. And letting them know I'm here for support.

Yeah.

You wanna lean on me?

I'm here. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. So I'm here to spread the word with y'all.

I love it. No, it's great.

Well, in saying that, um, would you share with our listeners how they can get ahold of you for all these amazing tips and services.

Yeah, of course. Well, I do have a website, it's rootedmamatherapy.com, where you can go and, and check me out and see what services I have to offer. You can, um, click the booking link and, um, you can request like a first appointment if you're ready to dive in, or you can do a free 15-minute consult with me if you still want to see if I'm a good fit for you. Um, you can find me on Instagram, Rooted Mama Therapy, Facebook there too. I'm trying to post and be more active.

Yeah. It's a whole nother job.

Yeah. And they don't teach us this in school.

That's right. That's right. You're getting it.

Yeah. So that's where, that's where everyone can find me. All my info, my contact info is on my website.

Okay, perfect. And we'll put that in our show notes. And thank you so much for being on. We learned so much about gentle parenting.

Thank you so much for having me. I had so much fun talking with you guys.

Yeah, same. And I'm also gonna thank our listeners tuning into this week's episode of the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast, and we'll catch you guys next time.

See you guys next time.

Thanks so much for tuning into this episode of the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. We hope you loved today's chat and found a little inspiration to take with you into your week. If you have a podcast topic suggestion or a question you'd love for us to cover, definitely send us an email at hello@workingmomsofsanantonio.com. We'd love to hear from you. And until next time, see you in the community.