How High-Achieving Couples Stay Connected: Real Talk for Working Moms

Welcome to the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. We're your hosts, Erika Radis and Marie Lifschultz, a realtor and lender here in San Antonio. But most importantly, we're working moms just like you.

This podcast is all about creating a space where we can come together, share stories, and learn from each other. We love connecting with local moms in business Hearing about their journeys and how they're balancing it all, because let's be honest, it's not always easy, but it's so worth it.

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Now on to today's episode. Grab a cup of coffee, settle in, and let's get started.

Welcome to this week's episode of the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. Today we have our guest Priscilla Rodriguez, who has been on before.

Yay!

But she's here to talk about something new, so I'm going to turn it over to her, um, and let her share with us.

So yes, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be back, and I am wanting to share a little bit about my new venture, which is me creating a new business. So I am going to be now a couples connection coach, and I am also now the founder of Elarico, which is where I help high-achieving couples who feel like their relationship is maybe just stuck in a routine or maybe feeling a little bit stale and getting them back to feeling alive and thriving again in their relationship. So this is a sister business to Modern Wellness Counseling. So last time I was here, I spoke a little bit about my role as a licensed marriage and family therapist, and that business and my role over there is still continuing. I just found this— there's been this tug for myself for the past 5 years, I have to admit, um, of wanting to do something different, wanting to show up differently for couples. So I'm excited to finally be doing it and sharing it with you all and with the world.

Yeah. It hits home for us, right? Yeah.

That's so exciting.

We all own a business with our spouse and there's always that different dynamic.

Yeah.

That we typically, you know, you wouldn't have it in, you know, nor if you, if you don't own a business. Um, and it's always something that I know hits, it actually hits home, home for me quite a bit.

Yeah.

Yeah. Um, okay, so it's high achieving couples. Mm-hmm. And what do you feel like drew you to that specifically?

Honestly, probably cuz it like resonates with my husband and I.

Sure.

Um, we, you know, he's a mechanical engineer, he works full time. I now have two businesses.

Yeah.

We have two-year-old twins, so it's constant, right? It's just nonstop. And I wanted to have a resource where I knew like, okay, these are couples who need something, like need this push, need this form of like reconnecting, wanting to get some tips from a licensed marriage and family therapist or someone who has been in the field for quite some time. But maybe therapy isn't realistic for their schedule.

Sure.

Maybe not realistic for their budget. Maybe they just, you know, there's also the stigma of like, well, we're not getting a divorce, so why do we need it? We're not in crisis. Yeah.

It's not that bad.

Yeah.

Yeah. So, but they also know that they want something a little bit more. Like, they're just kind of maybe bored or feel like, oh, things have just plateaued, or, hey, what happened to us? Like, we used to have fun, we used to do other things, and now the only thing I would talk about is, did you get the diapers? Did you like— yeah, did you pick up the groceries? Right? So sometimes it can feel that way. So I knew that for me, I wanted something that would meet those couples and to also be able to show up differently for them. With therapy, there can be a lot of red tape when it comes to like, hey, you can't really like form a community, right? There's confidentiality. Sure.

Makes sense.

Yeah. Yeah. Um, I'm licensed in the state of Texas, so I can only work with people in the state of Texas. You both have to physically be in the state of Texas. So I would get couples, I still get couples, it was like one person is in Texas, the other person is working because that's just how their job is. And it's like, oh, like, I don't know if I could, like, so Now in this role, I can actually work with them and provide a service.

Yeah.

That will meet those couples who is like, hey, we are both busy. We both have a lot going on.

Yeah.

So I'm excited to, to finally be doing that.

That's amazing.

Well, I like what you said. Like a lot of times people think, um, therapy or counseling is, is if you're on the verge of divorce and you know, where sometimes you go through these stages in a relationship that, you know, you have the honeymoon stage and everything's fun and new and you're learning each other and then you have kids and you have businesses and life kind of gets a little stagnant over time.

Yeah.

Right. You're trying to figure each other out in different worlds, but you kind of have just a, you're kind of in a routine.

Yeah.

In a sense, like your day-to-day is kind of the same and you wave at each other in the morning, wave each other at night, say, hey, goodnight, kiss, we'll go to bed.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So you lose that spark sometimes.

Oh yeah, absolutely.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Well, I like that you're able to do what you were kind of already doing. Mm-hmm. I mean, helping couples, but now just reach even more people.

Right.

You found a way to do that and I think that's great.

Mm-hmm. Mhm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm, I'm really excited about that part because I know it's, it, it also feels like I can be more of myself and share a little bit more about me. Um, just to share a little bit more about, hey, I, I, I get it. Like I completely understand in, you know, especially when it comes to like how I present myself, whether it's marketing or it's messaging or just being able to relate to people. With therapy you, you can do that, but there's definitely a limit of like, no, therapy isn't about you, right? Yeah, yeah. I can sort of just say like, I get it, and then obviously it's back to the person or the couple. And then also this piece, I can, as a coach, I can be a little bit more helpful when it comes to accountability. Yeah, with counseling there is that sense of accountability. However, there's also the part of having to take into account their other emotions that are coming up, other dynamics that are coming up. There's a whole history assessment that happens. So it's a little bit more on the part of your mental health.

Sure.

And taking care of those emotions. Whereas when couples come in, in this other program and in this other service, it can be more about like, okay, like, do you have your own other therapist or these other pieces that, okay, you're dealing with these individually. However, this is what we can be doing to get you these results to feel that sense of like, okay, we're thriving again and it feels easy and it's fun again. And yeah, we also have this program to go back to and look at. Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's great. And it's virtually that you're meeting these people. Oh, that's even better.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, for high achieving couples, who has the time really to pop in to see a therapist? I certainly wouldn't. And you know how it goes when we're busy. Our own, like our own stuff is the first thing that we kind of let go by the wayside.

Yeah.

Right. And so it's like you gotta take care of your job and your kids and all the things. And so it's like, you would let that relationship probably be like on the back burner.

Yeah.

I would think if you were busy enough, you know?

Well, I think in, in her, in this role, it's more of a positive thing. Like, cuz you, like I said, you're not really on the verge of any kind of divorce. You just really wanna make the relationship better. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

So it's more of a positive spin on where, like I said, if you're going to counseling or marriage connect type of stuff, a lot of times you're, you're struggling in the sense of should we stay together? Where this is something you, you want, you just want it to be better. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Right. Right.

So what kind of, I guess, issues do you see people in this program coming in with? And like, what, when would you advise somebody to talk to a coach like you?

Mm-hmm.

At what point?

Right.

Especially, I mean, what, what I would say is when they are experiencing some miscommunication. Yeah. So it kind of feels like no matter what I say, we are getting stuck in this cycle. Mm-hmm. I, I feel like you don't hear me. I feel like we're just kind of passing ships at night. Or, you know, there's that part of, I know you love me, I know you care, but we're like, why is this not working right now? So it would be in those moments where— I mean, it would be in those months where I would say like, yes, this program could definitely be helpful for you, um, especially when it comes to moments of, it's because of the miscommunication that now I feel like there's a disconnect, right? Like, where did you go? I feel like we're roommates. I feel like we're robots just going through the motion of life. Um, so definitely being able to recognize, okay, where are you at in your relationship when it comes to the miscommunication? Is it something that you feel like, we've had it before, we know that we like each other, we know that we want to make this work, but maybe you don't have the time to commit to 1-hour weekly sessions for a few months on end? Or maybe Um, we just want something, some, some communication and connection tools that we can easily implement and want it to be sort of quicker and faster.

Yeah.

So, because the couples that are going through this program, I have a few, you know, some like a beta test sort of going through. And one of the couples that I worked with, they said, we've done couples counseling before and going this route, we can now have something to reference in couples counseling and be like, oh, there was this huge aha moment. We left, 2 days later I was like, what, what are we— what was that? What, what are we talking about? What about— what did the therapist say? So for them, this was a big piece of like, oh, we can go back and reference, we have our worksheets, we can go back and feel that there's this consistency to help with that change.

Yeah, I love that, honestly. I mean I can't remember what happened just yesterday. I was telling, I was telling Frank, like we go to bed and this is bad and I know you're not supposed to do this for like screen reasons or whatever.

Yeah.

But we go to bed and we have the TV on.

Mm-hmm.

We, we usually start a show right now. We're watching Ted Lasso rewatching, um, cuz I love that one. And so, but like every night for the last 3 nights I've gone to bed and I'm like, what did we watch last night before I fell asleep? Like I don't even remember. Like my brain is just so like busy and full of like information. Mm-hmm. And so I could totally see how someone would go to a therapist and have like the best session and then go home and be like, huh?

Yeah.

If I can't remember the TV show I've watched for the last 3 nights, like I'm not gonna remember what that lady said. You know what I mean? So that's great that there's like reference points and, and, uh, I like a worksheet or a workbook. I mean, that's one of my, that's one of my jams. So it's one of my nerd jams. So yeah, I feel like that's great. You know, that seems like it would, it'd be easier to implement it day to day.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, for sure. And, and I think being on the therapist side like that, being in that seat, that's also a huge frustration for me when it's like, yeah, like we did so much work and okay, you're going to do this these next couple of days and then you come back next week like, how was it? They're like, yeah, we didn't do it. Or like, I sent you the resource, the email, like we didn't even open. We didn't get to it. I'm like, okay, like, yeah, I guess we're starting there. So So yeah, so being able to see on now on the coach's end in this program, in this business, being able to see the growth that these couples are making. One couple, they were sharing like, we're just so busy. I feel like no matter what I say, like, my husband just doesn't talk. Like, he shuts down, or he doesn't see that there's like, why bring up something? Like, we're not, you know, yeah, it's not an emergency. Why talk about my emotions? Or Her wanting to learn more about him and how he's talking. She's like, I guess the program does work. I'm like, yay.

That's a really good thing.

Talking is a good thing.

Yeah. He just didn't know what to talk about. How to talk.

And sometimes like, well, I mean, like in my marriage specifically, my husband is very quiet. He just always has been. Um, he talk— it's funny, like people will be like, he's so quiet. I'm like, but he talks to me. You know what I mean? But even then still, like, I mean, I feel like sometimes people marry each other that are like opposite of each other. Mm-hmm. Um, and so, you know, it might be a situation where if you need this type of coaching, yeah, this might draw it outta somebody that's maybe more reserved, you know?

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. And, and yeah, so I'm, I'm just, I was happy about that one.

I was like, oh, that's awesome.

Yay.

I was like, we're only like a month in and yes. And, and they're talking validation.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, so what if you are a part of a high achieving couple?

Mm-hmm.

What?

What tips would you give your clients, um, when, you know, they come to you? What, how would you start sort of?

Mm-hmm.

So I have a framework, it's called the HEART framework that I designed.

Yeah.

And I'm really passionate, like so happy about that one.

Oh, good.

Yeah.

I, I've done other programs in the past and it just, it wasn't like this one.

Yeah.

So I'm like, oh, like there's a framework. I even reference it now in my own marriage. Um, yeah. So we start off with, HEAL, which is the H. So HEAL is all about making sure that you know how to self-regulate. And I go through in some very short, um, just some education on how your body naturally reacts when you were— when we're under stress and we feel like we have to protect ourselves. Because that can happen if you're just individually, like if you're a working mom or you're owning a business and you're working with a client or, you know, doing a presentation, like these skills can help you across the board. Um, so we talk about self-regulation and then it transitions into how to regulate in moments with your partner. So that's normally where we start off with is how are you regulating in order to stay present? Because if we're talking about, hey, talk about this, talk about your feelings, but you're not regulating, it's not going to work, right? So the first two modules are very much about the self-regulation piece. Where does that come from? Why is it that you get stuck sometimes in the cycle? Noticing your own role, because you can't change your partner as much as we all would maybe like to say sometimes. Yeah, do this. Um, so, so that's a big— the, the main piece of where we start off with is if you're a high-achieving couple and you sometimes recognize that, hey, like, high-achieving also comes with some stress, or sometimes we kind of put that stress on ourselves, or there's a sense that we have to do it a certain way. And it's recognizing, okay, how am I also taking care of my nervous system in this moment?

Yeah.

So, um, one of my go-to is like a breathing method that I like to just notice, um, that I like to share. So if you're married, you can like Breathe in as you circle your ring one direction. Breathe out as you circle it the other way. Our brains are meant to think and people often get discouraged with deep breathing or yoga or meditation. I'm just thinking about my to-do list.

I'm just thinking about— I know, that's how I am. I can't turn it off. And so I'm sitting there like thinking of all the things that I should be doing instead of relaxing.

Right. Well, you know, we were in a workshop the other day and I can't, oh, I can't remember what exactly it was about, but I, the one thing I took away from it was, um, breath is medicine. Breathing is medicine.

Yeah.

So that's what I'm actually trying to, like, before I say something or before I— if I'm anxious, I'm trying to just do the deep breathing stuff. And it does help. Yeah, definitely.

It really does. Yeah. And, and sometimes it's just pairing it with giving your mind something to focus on and think about. Our brains are meant to think. That's their job. So give yourself grace if you're thinking about all the to-do list, right? But it's just like, if you're gonna take 10 seconds for yourself and breathing, give it something else to focus in on.

Yeah.

So that's just like a very, very short little, yeah. Thing that, um, is part of the program. But in there, there's like a whole section on practical tips that you can be doing while you are busy, while you are on the go, that you can do when you're with your kids, that you can do at a stoplight.

So, yeah. That's awesome. I mean, I feel like we don't take enough time to do those kind of things.

We don't. But I mean, in today's world, I mean, where everything's just go, go, go, go, go. Yeah. You never really have time to sit and just be.

Yeah. But to Priscilla's point as well, like if you're not, if your mind isn't right in a situation alone, it's not gonna be right when you encounter a situation with your partner. Absolutely. You know what I mean? And so that does seem like a good first step.

Mm-hmm.

Which sometimes if we skip that step, then the rest doesn't go well.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. They're like, this communication stuff doesn't work. It's like it. It does. We just need to back up a little bit.

Yeah.

Yeah. And so then what are the rest of the parts? That was like the first couple of parts. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. So E is for Express. So that is the longest module where it's really dives into communication tools and how to express yourself, how you can receive as well from your partner. Um, so it's a two-way street, right? Communication, you have to share what's happening and you also have to make time to receive what your partner's telling you sometimes.

Sure.

So going through that part is E. A is for adapt. So recognizing that we are all human, we're going to make mistakes, no one is perfect. So how do you recover? How do you adapt to those moments of, oh, we messed up, and it's okay? That doesn't mean that you don't care about me. That doesn't mean that you didn't, you know, you intentionally ignored me. It's how do we now grow from here? And R is more the fun piece, right? So we've already gone through some of the bigger struggles that maybe a couple can be experiencing. So R is for reconnect. So it's being able to implement those moments of how do we get on the same page again, um, how do we have fun, how do we thrive when it comes to intimacy, when it comes to just actually enjoying a date. What I hear a lot of times from couples, like, we have dates, we go see a movie, we talk about, you know, what we did for the day, is like, but it's just kind of a checkbox.

Yeah.

So it's bringing that like fun and aliveness back into those moments. It doesn't mean that you can't ever go to the movies or just dinner, right? But it's what do you do during those moments to feel that like, oh, everything's vibrant again.

Yeah.

And then T is for Thrive. So what are things that you can be doing beyond this program so you can continue to grow and maintain that consistency of change? Because some, What I hear too, a huge complaint is I hear, you know, I share, my husband or partner hears me, they change for a good 2 weeks, 2, 3 weeks, we're all good. And then we slip right back. And it can feel just so discouraging in those moments.

Why do we do that, Priscilla? I know.

It's easy.

Yeah.

It's familiar. We just go back into things that are familiar.

Yeah.

And if we're under stress, we're going to go back to what we know.

Sure, that makes sense.

And, you know, uh, when I work with— another thing that I've shared with couples, sometimes they say like, oh, we just need a vacation, we just need a break, we just need a getaway. And it's like, yes, do the getaway, have fun, but if you're not doing these connection things and these other tools consistently, you're gonna fall right back into where you left off. Yeah, because it's in That's, uh, that complaint of, we may, you know, we had so much fun, what happened? We were in Mexico and everything was fine. It's like, yeah, you had endless booze and nothing to worry about and no laundry, nothing, like no deadlines. You're, you didn't have your laptop, right? So what do you, how do you maintain that connection?

Yeah, we can't all be on vacation all the time.

Of course you had fun, of course you were close. Yeah, um, but how do you feel that when you are on the go-go-go, when you're busy, when you're running businesses. Yeah. When you're chasing your kids around. So, um, so yeah, so to answer your question, it's familiar.

Yeah.

We do what—

that makes sense.

Mm-hmm.

I'm curious, like obviously we have a few businesses, Frank and, and myself, and you know, you guys do. Yeah. And many of us here at Working Moms obviously own our own businesses. Um, and I feel like there are such stages of like the way that things go. Do you have conversations with your client about that? Like I feel like feel like right now I'm in a stage where like I am really going like full throttle in a lot of the things that I'm doing. But in my mind I think, and I don't ever express this and maybe I should, but in my mind I feel like, okay, if I just like push this hard for like a little while, then we'll like get over this hump and things will be different. Like you see that there's that meme or whatever that's like, you know, being a mom or whatever is just saying like, okay, you know, next week will be less busy. But then obviously it's like way busier.

Yeah.

It just doesn't stop. And so I wonder if you have conversations with your client about the phases of, of where they're at, whether it be a business or work or in their relationship and that kind of thing. Absolutely.

Yes. Phases are huge.

Yeah.

And it's, it's more of going about the how to implement compassion and how to implement that part of acknowledging that this is a season, whether it's here, we just had a, a baby.

Sure.

And that in itself is like, I'm not sleeping anymore. What, what's going on? Um, it's the part of, hey, I'm doing a launch or I am, doing this huge promotion, or, you know, it's summertime and that's when a lot of people maybe want to sell or buy a house, right? So like, it can be those times where just the acknowledgement, but then it's still, okay, in those times, how are you still seeing self-care as a way to take care of yourself and to remember about your relationship?

Yeah. Right?

It's not about going on vacation every week. It's not about having a date night every single night. It's not about having 3 hours of conversation with your partner. It's Realistically, how to implement 5 minutes a day, or, you know, in the morning, how can you do this for 2 minutes, right? And just seeing how that can change your relationship over time is huge because I think that is something that we just tell ourselves like, I am too busy to do that.

Yeah.

I do not have time to do that.

Yeah. I am too busy to do anything.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

And then— That is what it feels like.

Yeah.

You are kind of stuck, right? Um, which is like the little things of I'm too busy to drink, go get more water, and to drink water.

Yes.

Well, I think it's— I mean, I like that a lot. I like the fact that you're like, hey, if you take 2 minutes in the morning and do XYZ, whatever that may be, it's something that you can build a habit and eventually becomes part of your routine. So then it's healing your relationship over time, right? Right. When I think of— I can give 2 minutes. A date night is very difficult in my world. Yeah. Like putting a day out of the week to go do something. Something's always coming up. Work always happens. Kids, something with kids always happen and it never, it never, it doesn't say it never happens, but it becomes a, a more of a challenge or a struggle. And I'm like, it's not worth it. Like, it's, we're, we're fine. Mm-hmm. Like, well, fine. But I, I can implement 2 to 5 minutes every morning or whatever the case is if that's gonna help my relationship. And it's something that we could commit to and eventually becomes part of your routine. Right, right, right.

Yeah. Yeah.

And it might reduce, I feel like if I would do that, it might reduce some guilt. As well.

Oh yeah.

There's a lot of that flying around.

I know.

I mean, every stage of, of your relationship is, is different. Like, yeah, I always thought, oh, oh, we, you know, get married. We didn't have kids for a little while and I'm like, oh, this is great. We have kids. Oh my God, this is hor—

this is hard.

It was really, really hard and we had different schedules. Now we changed jobs and now the kids are teenagers and now I'm looking at life like, oh my God, what are we gonna do when the kids are gone?

Yeah.

That's a new stage that we, we've been trying to navigate. Like, hey, they're, They had their own lives. They're going out, they're able to drive now. They're having their dates. I'm like, and we're at home, like, what do we do?

Yeah.

Like there's time.

That's when you should be living it up.

I, it's Erika. It's weird.

I would be.

It is very weird. Well, like, because we, then we find other things to, um, oh, I can apply more time to my job. Yeah. Or my business because the kids are not free and we forget about each other. Yeah. You know, um, my husband and I were having a conversation and, and our favorite thing used to be was daydreaming. We love to talk about, oh, what about this trip? Or what about this for the house? Or what about these ideas? And those are our times to really see where each other, I guess, were. Uh-huh. And we stopped doing that when we would, I mean, like it, it was, it's very rare. Like we would go sit on the porch and like, oh, wouldn't it be nice to do this? Or wouldn't it be nice to do that? Or what about, and that's when we did our brainstorming.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. You know, and we realized in probably in the last 2 to 3 years, we've kind of put that on the back burner cuz we've been so busy.

Yeah.

So, but little 5-minute, 2-minute things that we can implement in a relationship is doable, and then it becomes habit and doesn't feel like you're having to implement anything because it's just part of your routine.

Yeah.

Right. So it heals your relationship over time.

Oh yeah, absolutely.

Yeah.

I love that example. Yeah. Because, because yeah, shared goals is a big one that is part of Thrive, and it's that piece of being able to know that, okay, we have this shared goal and this is what we're looking forward to, and this is how we know that we're on the same page and being able to work together.

Yeah.

Um, because that's something, a part that sometimes couples don't talk about. Sure. And, or something they're just so focused in on their own career path, or whether, hey, I'm busy with this promotion, I'm doing, you know, working on these other pieces, but doesn't mean that you never talk about it, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Like, this is, I have this deadline and this is when we can talk about it or something.

Well, I think it's something that you said in here. I think you've said it for years, like, oh, I'm just gonna throw it out in the universe and see if it, you know, like, oh yeah, she's big on that. And I think and at least I've seen in my relationship, things that we've talked about 10, 12 years ago have now— because we just like, what about, what if we did this? Yeah. And it comes up and it's a shared goal, then eventually it does happen. Yeah. Like, I don't know how it happens, life happens, and it just kind of— maybe we've done it not realizing it, but it doesn't— we navigate our life to that goal. So just having those conversations with their spouse and the people— I mean, the one person in the world that's going to care about you and your wants and needs the most and you share those ideas with and you're on the same page, why not?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you feel like, I mean, I'm, you know, my husband and I are very different. I have a lot of probably goals that maybe he doesn't have. Um, and probably vice versa. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? I should probably ask that and know that information. But, um, do you have conversations about that where it's like, hey, this one per— like I'm the kind of person where I just want more and more and more. Mm-hmm. I wanna keep doing more things.

Mm-hmm.

Cause I just like to, I don't know what to do with myself if I'm not real busy, you know? Mm-hmm. Um, and so we have had conversations where he has been like, when is it enough? And I'm like, I don't think it ever is, pal. Like, I don't know. You know what I mean? And I, that's probably not healthy and I guess I'm telling a therapist that, but you know, um, so I mean, do you have those kind of conversations where it's like, hey, this person really wants to get after this and this person doesn't. And so then they have to kind of reconcile what that looks like.

Yeah, so recognize this piece of we have different motivation or different things that motivate us, right? Because sometimes it's not that one person may just not be motivated at all, 100%, right? But knowing, okay, what is it that motivates the other person? Is it something that maybe you can do at the same time? So you, you know what, for the next 2-3 hours is what we're going to focus in on, then we come back. Or is it that it's just like, hey, like we need to slow down a little bit. And how can, you know, for example, how do we do that? As you mentioned, like, what, like, what is enough? So like when he says what is enough, is it money? Is it things? Is it time? Is it—

so it's like, I wish I knew, like defining what that is, right?

And then being able to, you know, okay, how am I enjoying what we have right now?

Yeah, right.

Because there's the sense of appreciation is huge of knowing that Okay, I can focus in on this knowing that maybe I'm working towards something bigger, whether whatever bigger means, whatever more means, um, whether it's, you know, like I think for many of us, we can— a lot of us go into business because we want more time, we want more freedom, we want more money, we want—

sure, all of that.

Business does not do that though.

I know. Yeah, no, it's, it's super— does not take some time, right?

It's a lot. Um, so Being able to know, okay, at least I am working towards this goal and I'm also able to appreciate the other pieces that I have, my health, my children, my home, my, the fact that I am a woman and I can do these things.

Right.

I live in this place where I can do that.

Yeah.

Right. So sometimes it's noticing that like just those like little tiny shifts, mental shifts can bring us a little bit, you know, feel grounded a little bit and for your partner to be able to know that, okay, this is where you're headed.

Yeah.

I think if they know what that more looks like and maybe exploring that a little bit as well could help.

Yeah. Or maybe like knowing that compromise means I'm not gonna get to that goal probably as quickly as I would if I didn't have to compromise things like time and, you know, relationships and all of that stuff. Yeah. So maybe Being like, okay, well I am gonna still do this thing cuz you know I'm gonna.

Yes, you are.

But, um, maybe it's just not gonna happen right now. Maybe it take, you know, we take our time and we do it, you know, in a way that is less fun for me.

But, you know, I, I think I'm in the same boat. Like I feel like I, I, I always have to be doing something. I don't, that's probably trauma. Yeah.

Trauma. I know. I'm sure it is. We talk about that all the time. Like if I'm sitting still, I'm always thinking about How guilt, number one, how guilty I feel. Mm-hmm. Like, and we've, we've talked about it in other workshops and stuff where it's like, you know, you don't have to earn rest and all of that. And it's like, whatever. But, um, you know, it's that, it's, you know, how I could be doing more. So if I'm just like stagnant and like I'm not doing anything, I think I'm thinking of all the things and I'm like, well, I definitely have time for this. You know?

I think just as women, we think, we think, I, I think a lot, same, same thing. And I, and I do wonder like, am I pushing my spouse to do more than he wants to do? Cuz he can be probably, he's, he's more laid back. Mm-hmm. You know, he's like, yeah, when things happen, I'm like, no, no, no. We have to have a plan. I have to see the, I have to see the goals and I have to, yeah. So we enjoy talking about 'em and then I get kind of anxious of wanting to do all the things all at once. Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

So yes, finding a balance or something.

I wanna do my life how Roger does his life.

And I just, I love that.

I just wish I could. And then I often think what it must be like.

I know.

To not think.

Yeah.

To just like be like, everything's fine. Like we'll get to it when we get to it. You know?

Well, 20 years of marriage, I've realized he sees the big picture. Yeah. But he doesn't see the path of getting there. Like he doesn't see the details and I focus on the details and I can't see the big picture sometimes.

Mm-hmm.

We don't think Roger listens to this podcast, by the way.

I like to say that. Yeah. But yeah, but exactly. Yeah. I like that part that you sort of have different strengths.

Yeah.

Right. And, and that's, that's really what it is. It's helpful to, to stop and slow down and say like, oh, okay. Like this isn't coming from that my partner is against me, or they're, you know, not supporting, or whatever it may be. But it's, oh, we have different strengths.

Yeah.

And, and I'm the same way, like Type A, probably also some trauma, right? You're running away from something.

Yeah.

And being busy means, you know, at least I'm worthy of something, right?

Yes.

Oh yeah, all the things.

Yes.

One time, one time we'll have to get into it on a professional standpoint.

Something that helped me, because I, I'm very much the same way, something that helped me a few years back is saying that, oh, but time with my husband is productive. Yeah, like time sitting down, even though it's just sitting down.

I should think that.

Watching a movie, we're talking, or we're having some popcorn. We have popcorn and kombucha every night, like that's like our thing.

And that's healthy.

We talk like, how was your day? What are you working on? What's happening? Because, you know, funny, the twins are in bed, so it's like quiet. Yeah.

Yes.

So, but if I don't do that, I'm like, oh, I missed something. Very similar to like, oh, I missed that email, I missed that call, or I was, you know, I had to push this off. So I see that as it being productive and something that I have to do. Um, it's also something I did when I committed to just going to the gym, right? When I'm like, oh, I have to do this, it's like, no, I have to do this to maintain my health. And my physical therapist is saying I have to go.

Yeah, I think that's a, that's a great way of looking at it. Like, it's not, it's not a chore, right? It doesn't improve— it improves your life over time. And having someone in your corner and having that either to help you be accountable for whatever you say to your goals are, or as far as work, or, you know But being on the same page as raising kids, that kind of thing is always having that support system is your partner. Yeah. So putting that as a priority and figuring out a way to communicate the best way is going to help you long-term. Mm-hmm.

No matter what. Yeah, definitely. Those are all the, those are all the healthy things I should tell myself.

It's just hard. Like I know being in business, it's the industry we're in too.

It is. It is. It is bananas.

It is.

We have a crazy, it is not for like sane people. It is for super crazy people.

Mm-hmm.

And I can admit that it's never not stressful, but at least having someone, your partner of all people, to understand, oh, that's just her.

Yeah.

Like, and they, they support you. They know that you have goals and that you have— you have— you're always going, going, going. But someone to help you, I don't know, to, to— it's hard because I know Roger and I are completely opposite when it comes to stuff. And I've had to like sit back and realize when we, when we got married, we were both different on arguing, right? Like argument. I could be drama, I could be loud, I could do this, and he came from a family that was like that. And I'm like, oh, whoa, this isn't gonna work. We both can't be drama queens.

Yeah, when it comes to this, we're never gonna get anywhere.

And we had to like regulate that. And I had— I saw that very early on. And we actually were talking about this with my, my niece and my, uh, excuse me, nephew and my soon-to-be niece. They're getting married. We were talking about relationships. And I said, was probably within the first 6 months I realized like, I cannot be drama queen. Like, I can't— I can't slam doors, I can't throw things. That's not going to work in the relationship. If we're both that way. So as I started to calm down, we started to have those conversations and realize, well, that's— he's like, this is normal. This is— I'm like, that's— this isn't normal.

Yeah.

We can't communicate this way. So, and that helped us grow and get closer. And that's when we started our kind of our daydreaming talks and stuff like that. And we realized it's something we both enjoyed. And unfortunately, now that I'm thinking about it, since the boys have gotten older, we've let that part of our relationship kind of be on the back burner. And we need to start doing that again because that was a part that we enjoyed. And that's when things happened.

Yeah.

I don't say magically put sprinkled dust.

Yeah.

You know, put fairy dust on it, but things started to happen in our lives positively when we had those mm-hmm. Times with each other because it's not just one person working towards that goal. It's two people.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Right.

Well, I think for us, like, we are opposite in some ways, but like, and I'm the one that's like, let's do this and let's do this and let's do this. And he is the one that's like, now wait a second, let's think, does this make sense? Is this viable? Like, you know, is this gonna be beneficial to us?

Yeah.

And our, like, where I'm like, oh my God, all the ideas. Ideas. And so it's so helpful to have somebody that, um, and I keep referencing like, I'm, he's like right there, he's over there. Um, so it's so helpful to have somebody that does kind of rein me in, I feel like. Yeah. Because if I were left to my own devices, I don't know what would happen. It really all of the time, you know? And so it's nice to have someone be like, now let's take a step back and like, let's think about it. And I know that our marriage is not the only one that's like that. Mm-hmm. Like I have several friends who, One of them is sort of the one that's like, you know, I wanna do all the things. And the other one's like, calm down. Like, let's, let's do some thinking here first before we do any of the things, you know? So I feel like it works.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. But also having a coach to help you work through this, cuz not all of us can communicate. Like, I'm really blunt. I'm, I'm, I'm blunt to the point. I'm sometimes, I, I, I don't mean to be unkind, but it comes across that way. And I have to, I'm like, I'm not trying to be mean. I just, I need to get my point across and I'm gonna say what I mean and mean what I say.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

So I'm gonna say it this way. So don't, you know, we ha— I've had to preface our conversations like that sometimes. But having someone who's there who understands you and having someone to help you both navigate— yeah, navigate— that's important. Having a coach like that to say, hey, she's saying this, you're saying the same thing, you're just not hearing each other, you know.

I bet that's something you deal with all the time. Oh, they are saying the same thing.

Yeah, yeah, you both want them, you have the same goal, it's just you're saying it differently and you don't hear each other.

Yeah, I always talk about the same emotion, right? And this is something in the Express module, right, where it's like you both want to feel loved, you both want to feel seen, you both want the sense of connection, right? That's why you decided to enter a marriage and decide like why you're here, why it also hurts when your partner just like shuts down or turns away or is trying to talk over you, right? It's this part that you both want this piece, so how can we go there first and, and have that sort of top of mind. It's a muscle that you have to develop over time, especially if you're not used to it. But I give the tools on how to do that, and it's a matter of just implementing them, right? So, so it's always a helpful piece of knowing that we all want the same thing.

Yeah.

And it's just a matter of like, here are different ways that you can conveniently and practically do it so that it doesn't feel like I have to put everything else on pause, right? Especially for women like us who are like, I want to do all the things, all the things, and but at the same time I don't want to lose the people around me.

Yes, right.

So that's an important part to sometimes focus in on of like, okay, how can I do both?

Yeah, it's probably the hardest thing to do because when you have anything, when it comes to— I always tell people, when it comes to politics, religion, children, that kind of— you have, you have emotions involved in Sometimes you can't, you think with your heart and not your head.

Mm-hmm.

So when you have problems when it comes to communicating with the person you love most in this world, you have your heart involved and your head doesn't quite catch up to certain things. And yeah, you just feel hurt when they don't hear you or understand you. So it, it's difficult even though that's not what you're meaning to feel. It just, it's hard. It's, it's, mm-hmm, your heart's taking over.

Oh yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, this has been very interesting. I feel like I've shared a lot about myself. Um, Priscilla, is there anything that you wanna share with our listeners about anything more about this new program that you've got going on?

Yeah, I, I mean, that's it. So this program is actually, it hasn't launched yet.

Okay.

It's all just a preview and yeah. And I'm just so excited to just be finally doing it. It's, um, I'm a recovering perfectionist, I like to say. So I decided to just go for it.

Yeah.

And put it out there. And when I asked couples early in the year, who wants to join? And people said yes. I was like, What?

Yeah.

Oh my gosh.

Okay.

I love that. So I, everything was like in Google Doc form. Like I recorded everything. Now it's all getting nice and polished and pretty and sure. Now it's a nice workbook that I'm sure you probably love to see.

I would.

Yes, I would. Um, but if any of this does resonate with you, if you feel like, is miscommunication happening in my relationship? Are we drifting apart? Is it bad? Is it not bad?

Yeah.

Um, I do have a, a free quiz that I put together. It's a short 2-minute quiz that you can take. It's at my website, elarico.com/quiz, which is E-L-A-R-O-C-O.com/quiz. And it'll help you at least see, okay, where are we in our relationship?

Yeah.

Um, what is miscommunication happening? And some of the responses can also just like make you think like, oh, like, is, is this what I do when I actually have something to share? Or, um, so just trying to be really honest with yourself too. There's a, lot of different areas there, um, different responses that you can answer, and then you'll get some tips on what to do to help improve your communication based on where you're at. Um, oh, that's great. So I love quizzes.

I know, me too. I like all that stuff. I need to get it together, you guys. I need to get a life. Um, well, that's great. Well, we'll put your website, um, in the show notes of this. Do you have social medias up yet, or not really?

Yes. So it's elargo.ofisho— official— official— elargo.oficial on TikTok and on Instagram, and then just Elargo Official on Pinterest.

Okay.

Um, but I'll also be sharing just a lot more information on my email newsletter as well. Um, I, I love social media, but it can also be a place to escape.

Yes.

And it's also a place that I try to limit myself, so I'm trying to show up more authentically and share more about my stories and things that can be helpful via email. So if you actually want some of these helpful tips or PDFs and things, um, when you take the quiz, you can also be opted in. So, so yeah, just, just wanted to share that piece.

Perfect.

Yeah, I love that. Well, thank you so much for being on. This is a lot of great info.

Yes.

And I will also thank our listeners for tuning into this week's episode. We will catch you guys next time.

See you next time.

Erika Radis. Thanks so much for tuning in to this episode of the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. We hope you loved today's chat and found a little inspiration to take with you into your week. If you have a podcast topic suggestion or a question you'd love for us to cover, definitely send us an email at hello@workingmomsofsanantonio.com. We'd love to hear from you. And until next time, see you in the community.