#118: Pivoting: In Search Of Happiness And Meaning with Michelle Villalobos

Welcome to The Conscious Pivot Podcast with international speaker, business mentor, bestselling author of Pivot, and your host, Adam Markel. The Conscious Pivot shares the stories and wisdom of people who have successfully reinvented some area of their business and personal life. You'll gain powerful insights into how you can fully embrace new opportunities, increase your performance, and master the art and science of innovation and resilience. So please join Adam as he guides you on your conscious pivot.

Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of the Conscious Pivot Podcast. I'm your host, Adam Markel. I'm sitting here feeling just incredibly blessed and lucky. Lucky, honestly, in so many, so many ways that I won't take the time and bore everybody with everything I feel grateful for. But it's the basic stuff, I mean, and the most profound things at the same time. I just feel blessed to be alive right now, to be breathing, to be in the presence of all of you virtually. You know, it's a kind of a funny thing. Time is a bit of a figment of our imagination. I don't know if you've ever considered just how unreal time is, but, you know, if you think back 10 years ago to something you were doing or someplace you were living or people you were hanging around with and Or even back to childhood for that matter, it's like, what's the distance between that moment and now? It's a nanosecond. There isn't even a second between the two things. It's like time just sort of collapses on itself. It falls on itself. So I really feel like we're eternal beings. I know that maybe I get into a bit of a spiritual conversation about that to say that, but I just feel like we're eternal. And this moment's as beautiful as any other moment in my life, whether it was to witness the birth of children or to get married or any other thing that I look back with joy. I feel that great sense of joy even in this moment just to take this breath. So with that, I'm really happy to be able to have a conversation with a lovely person, incredible woman that you're going to get to meet in just a second. So I'm going to read her bio and then share a little bit about other things. We're going to get into conversation about pivoting. What's juicier than that, right? All those twists and turns in our lives. But let's start with the basics, as I said. And that is to first introduce her. Her name is Michelle Villalobos. She is the founder of the Superstar Activator, a company that helps leaders, game changers, and entrepreneurs to leverage their expertise and grow their businesses by offering transformational events, retreats, and coaching programs. She is also a speaker, and as a speaker, Michelle conducts presentations that inspire professionals to integrate work and play. What a great concept. In a productive way and see new possibilities for the work-life alignment, that ever sort of elusive thing that sometimes people call balance, but I might call harmony. As a result of working with Michelle and her team, people often share that they not only stabilize their income and free up their time, but also feel more fulfilled while making a bigger impact. What a beautiful collection of things that when we can have both of those things working together, life is really, really great. Really good. On a personal note, Michelle recently took a short 10-month round trip, road trip around the USA in her itty-bitty Mini Cooper. That's way cool. Michelle, welcome to our show today. Resilience. It's the unsung hero in every success story that you will ever hear about. And in times of massive change and disruption, the kind of rapid change that we're all experiencing as leaders, as business owners, as entrepreneurs, we have to learn how to not only increase our own resilience, but that of our teams. So right now we have a powerful opportunity for you to find out just how resilient you are. Some years ago, my team and I created the resilience assessment that more than 5,000 business leaders across the globe have taken. And all you have to do to get your own free resilience leader assessment is go to resiliencerank.com. It takes less than 3 minutes, and it's our gift to you for being the leader that you already are. Other free resources and tools will accompany your score instantly. So go to resiliencerank.com and find out just how resilient you are.

Thank you so much, and thank you for that beautiful introduction about gratitude. And I really felt your gratitude, and I really do appreciate the integration of the spiritual angle into this conversation. So thanks for introducing that right up front.

Way cool. I loved your introduction and this Obviously, you've done incredible things with your life. What's not written in that introduction that you would love for people to know about you?

Well, my fascination lately, especially with all things beyond— one of my mentors would call it with all things trans-rational. So I spent the first 40 or so years of my life— I know I can't possibly look that old already, but yes, I am. I spent the first 40 years of my life being a very rational, person, a self-described atheist or agnostic, kind of pinballing back and forth for years between those two. And, you know, I studied psychology and math in college. I had got an MBA. I did— I was the straight-A student. I did all the things that you're supposed to do to have all the things that you're supposed to want to have. And ultimately, it came up short. And I realized that my life didn't feel very fulfilling, it didn't feel very exciting, it felt flat. And so what I'd like people to know is that I've had an awakening in the last few years. And that is the thing that brings me joy and gratitude every day. And I wake up in a whole different attitude and with a whole different outlook just by deciding to explore and be open to things that I don't understand. So— With the brain.

The word humility comes up for me. And it's just an idea that maybe we don't know as much as we think we know or something like that.

Yeah.

Curiosity, right?

Because I was also pretty like, not judgy, but I was pretty righteous, I would say, like thinking that I knew I had a lot more answers than I really did. And you're right, it was a lack of humility, really. It's a great word.

Interesting. You know, you and I have a very similar path, I suppose, because I was also doing what made, I guess, conventional sense and was wise, so to speak. I was making my parents proud and all that kind of stuff. And along the way, felt like I was selling myself short. And even worse, I sometimes will describe it to people as my misery. Yeah, felt like I was selling my soul for money, etc. So, what did it feel like for you? What were the telltale signs? Were there any telltale signs? Because a lot of the folks that are in this community are engaged in their pivot. You know, they're more consciously aware that they're making a change and they're not— maybe they're dealing with their fear of change. I say that because I think we all have to come to grips with that. As Ram Dass said, the goal is to make friends with change. That's really, really powerful to see change as something friendly to you, that's something that's there for your good, your highest good, and not necessarily this thing's going to take me out and this is going to leave me broke or destitute or Alone or any other fill in the blank that scares the shit out of us. So what was that experience like for you? And were there any telltale signs that you were coming to that figurative fork in the road?

I'll start with the telltale signs and then I'll tell you about the actual like final breakdown that did me in.

Oh, nice. There was a breakdown involved?

There was a big one. Uh-huh. Wait till you hear this one. So the telltale signs were happening for years. And so I think that's a really important thing because for years I ignored them, resisted them, denied them. But some of the signs were I would wake up, it was hard to get out of bed in the mornings. It was hard for me to pull myself to my work. And this was back when I was an employee. This was even when I was an entrepreneur. Without realizing it, I subconsciously was burying myself in my work so that I could avoid the big questions like, Am I on my path? Am I living into my destiny? Like, I didn't even know to ask those questions. So I didn't go there. I just focused on— I was very much part of this. I was plugged into the matrix. I was plugged into the matrix and I felt like something was missing and I felt like something was off, but I didn't take the time to explore that because I was scared of what I was going to find, which is that I was on the wrong path, that I wasn't aligning to my highest good or my highest self. I knew all of those things deep, deep down, but my conscious mind was basically holding my subconscious mind under the sand to avoid it, ignore it, resist it. And so there was a lot of alcohol involved in this numbing. There were bad relationships. There was a lot of drama because, as you well know, when you're doing that, then you can't take responsibility. I couldn't take responsibility for my life, right? So, I had to blame everybody else for all the things that were wrong. So, there was a lot of blame, there was a lot of complaint, a lot of dissatisfaction, and then the way that I was trying to get my needs met was through the traditional ways that we're taught. It was more success, more achievement, more money, better, nicer car, more status, better title, and so that's what I focused my whole life on. And, I kept achieving those goals because I was nothing if not an overachiever, But the real me, my heart, my soul, my highest self was getting buried in all of that.

Yeah. So, gosh, there's so many, so many places where our paths sort of crisscross. The idea of feeling sort of holding something down, it's so exhausting. Or I mean, maybe I'll turn it into a question for you. I was exhausted.

I was exhausted. And part of the big breakdown was I got sick.

Mm-hmm.

So that was only one part of it. But my body, I think, was trying to save me and say, we're not going to let you keep doing this. If it takes us taking you down and out, that's what we're going to do. So I started getting really sick. I started having all sorts of stomach problems and skin issues and ultimately what was an autoimmune situation, adrenal fatigue. I had been pumping cortisol through my system for years. I remember when I did my MBA, I had a full-time job. I was doing executive MBA. And I was partying like a rock star. So I would go to sleep at 4 or 5 in the morning. I'd wake up to start my 9 AM MBA class. And I graduated with a 4.0, number one in the class. So I pulled off a full-time job, getting the A's in the MBA and drinking like a—

Yes. And all the while, so was there an internal dialogue that was happening then? What was it looking like? Because again, I think There is a group of people that are going to identify with this. Maybe they will or won't identify with that whole 4-point perfect grade thing, but that's not even the issue. It's the getting through, you know, this, okay, I'll take this challenge on, and then you accomplish it, right? Whatever that looks like. Right. So, whether it's to get the degree, like I went back to law school, you know, so whatever those things are, we muscle our way through it. We get to the other end of it, whereas a lot of people we know just don't get to the other end. So, that whole chasing or Striving, let's call it striving. Drive, drive, drive, strive, strive, strive, end up in a ditch exhausted on the other end of that thing.

And being like, where's my happiness? I did all the things. I'm popular. I have friends. I party. You know, I get straight A's. I have an amazing job. I'm making lots of money. Where's my happiness?

So what was missing? What was the problem?

The problem was that my values were out of whack. I did not know what my values really were. I had adopted my values. I had adopted them from my family, from the world around me. So in a nutshell, my family are Cuban immigrants. So they had a very strong need to rebuild. And for them, it was very important for us to achieve and to be self-sufficient and to make money and to, you know, because they lost everything. So, there's an evolution of consciousness, right? Or even if just Maslow's hierarchy of needs, like where my parents were when I was a child was in this need to just make it, and that was the energy I absorbed.

Yes.

Yeah, and so when I would make it, when I would get A's, I'd get a lot of praise and love, right? And then I was in school, and that's what I basically latched on to as my identity. I'm an achiever. I'm a good girl. And then when I was in this world of doing my MBA and all that, I was in the world of magazines. So I worked in a lifestyle magazine. So I was hanging out with celebrities and going to the Latin Grammys and getting pictures taken on the red carpet. And, you know, that was appealing to my need for approval and love. You know, I felt like that was what was going to fulfill me, but it didn't because ultimately it's very empty. I think everybody knows that deep down.

What do you think everybody's looking for? I have a particular reason why I want to ask you this, but just what do you think everybody's looking for?

I think love is big. I think people want— I know I want love, significance, to matter. And then like, again, with those hierarchy of needs or Tony Robbins' 6 human needs, right? The safety, security, variety, love, significance. But ultimately those higher needs is where I think the magic is. In growth and contribution, right? And I think that once you get into focusing on your personal growth, becoming an expansion, and contributing to others, then all those other needs just much more easily get met anyways. When you're contributing to others, you're valuable. Of course people are going to pay you. Of course people are going to want what you've got. So I really feel like one of the pivots in my life was to shift the focus from getting my needs met to how can I become a better version of me and contribute more to others.

Yeah, it's so interesting when— if you look at the difference between getting by taking versus getting by giving. And in fact, there's an incredible book that I've talked about in previous conversations with people called The Presence Process. I haven't brought it up recently, but Michael Brown wrote this incredible book all about unconditional love. And how it is that ultimately that's what we're all looking for anyway. But our definition of unconditional love was formed when we were very young. In fact, it was formed before we started to kind of think. So there's that cognitive stage of development that comes. So it's sort of emotional development, cognitive development, and then physical development. Right. So that period from 7 to 14 before puberty starts is when our mind starts to actually tell us what things mean. But it's in our emotional development from birth until about 7 where we without having language for it or an understanding of what it means, develop our sense of self. Meaning, what does love mean to us? What's our definition of love? And it sounds like on some level, not to go psychological here with you, but—

Go for it, I love it.

Part of how you defined love for yourself was equating it with doing, was achieving, with— so there's this idea of my self-worth.

Math, specifically with math. There's a whole story there.

With math? M-A-T-H.

That's the only time that he would spend with me was drilling me on my math problems. And if I got the answer right, right, that's how I ended up studying math even though I hate it.

Yes. Wow. So, so incredibly interesting. So this, I think, is the journey that in many cases we're all on, that we are searching and sometimes not knowing that we're even searching for something. And it could be, at least my opinion is that it's that we're searching for this unconditional acceptance, this unconditional love. Which may be the highest, you know, maybe that part at the top of Maslow's pyramid, which is called self-actualization or self-realization, but that we are at peace because we truly accept ourselves. We truly love ourselves.

Love ourselves unconditionally.

Exactly. And the key to that, I think, is that that's where the world shifts and transforms when more and more people have that pursuit of unconditional self-love. Because in that loving understanding of what love really means, having a— I call it true, at least again, just coming from my own opinion here, but that true definition of love, that ultimately becomes how it is that we give to others, how it is that we love. We can't love anyone any better than we love ourselves. I mean, just think about this, right? Does that make sense? Totally. Just intuitively, yes or no, right? So if you buy into that, that we can't love anybody any better than we love ourselves, then we can understand why there is so much drama in the world. Why people are even addicted to drama in some ways and why it is that we don't treat each other that well. Because for the most part, look at how you speak to yourself on any given day. And so the way you treat yourself, the judgments and the criticism and everything else and the kind of withholding love. So yeah, when at a certain point for me it was, yes, if I just do this, I will have done something worthy. I will have done something I can respect or my someone else might respect, whether it's my wife or my father or mother or whoever it is. And in that moment, then I'll approve of myself.

Right.

So it's this constant sort of vicious cycle of continuing to try to prove yourself.

You're just getting little hits.

Yeah, exactly.

And it doesn't even last. It's like a hit of whatever. I mean, I've never tried crack, but— I was thinking the same thing. It's like you get the hit. It's like, oh, oh, okay. All right, where's the next one?

I'm okay now. Exactly. For a moment. And then you wake up the next morning, you put your feet on the floor, and it's back. And you and I, very similarly, and I think there's a lot of people out there that they have those moments in the morning when it's a question of, do I get back in bed here, or do I put on my big boy and big girl panties, as my wife would say, and just get on with the day? And I think a lot of people do that. They do. They just get on with the day. And I did that for years. Just putting my feet on the floor, knowing something was off and something was wrong. But I'm going to be a big boy and take care of 4 kids, houses, responsibilities.

What's sad about that is that one year ran into the next and into the next and into the next. And I feel like I lost decades of my life that I can't even remember because there's no substance to it.

No, you blink your eyes like that old Pink Floyd song, right? 10 years goes by. It's like that no one told you when to run. Nobody tells you when to run. You miss the starting gun and it's like 10, 10, 10, like you say, decades can go by that way. So let's get to this point. This is an inflection point.

Breakdown.

Probably people watching and listening to this right now thinking, geez, they're describing me, or I'm feeling this thing. I didn't even know how to put words to it. Or maybe they had words for it, but they just had to ignore it because look, the bills have to get paid. Look, we all get the realities here, right? And so for me, my plan ended up becoming that book Pivot, which was all about a 2.5-year period where I had to do something with that feeling, that misery. Otherwise, it was going to take me out.

I was going to keep going in the misery. I was going to keep it going. I had no intention of stopping.

What was the low-water mark, if it was for you, that ultimately became that pivot point where you said, all right, I've got to do something differently? And then what was it that you started to do?

So what happened was I was in my late 30s feeling the clicking of time because I was an overachiever and I had not yet gotten married or had any kids. And so I was like, the clock was ticking. And I finally, I met somebody and I jumped into this relationship that lasted about 2 and a half years. I got engaged. And in April of 2014, I ended up taking this man that I had been dating for 2 and a half years To the hospital because he was having hallucinations. And I found out that he was a con artist who had been lying to me about his whole life for 2 and a half years. He had faked jobs. He had faked business trips. He had faked bank accounts. He wasn't who he said he was. It was one of these like Dateline NBC type of stories that most likely Adam, like he's disappeared. I don't know whatever happened to him. He's gone, disappeared from all social media. I'm sure he has maybe another identity. I don't know. But I'm sure it wasn't going to end pretty. But fate intervened and saved me because I found everything out all in the span of about 5 days. I mean, this was big drama. And here's where I say like—

This is primetime drama, actually.

Dr. Phil wanted me on his show.

Oh my God.

I mean, it was the real deal. And what happened was in the process of processing this whole situation and the drama of it, there was just like intense emotions. There was a lot of self-recrimination. There was a A lot of self-loathing, like, how could I have allowed this? Blame. And it was bad. And it lasted about 2 to 3 months of just really deep in it. And when I kind of came to or came up for air, my business hadn't made any money in those 3 months basically, and hadn't booked any new business. And so on top of the whole relationship breakdown, on top of the physical illness that I was finding out about around the same time, Yeah. I was diagnosed pre-diabetic. My blood work was all messed up, autoimmune, yada, yada. Second piece. And then the third piece was my business fell apart. I say business, it wasn't really a business. It was a glorified job that didn't allow me to even spend 2, 3 months taking care of myself after this traumatic experience. So I had a wake-up call that I didn't have a real business. I didn't have a real relationship. My body was breaking down. And all of it was a result of choices that I had made up to that point in my life. And so that taking responsibility was the inflection point. That was the pivot when I said, this is mine. I made this. I created this. No matter what anybody did to me, no matter how unfair it might be, this is mine.

Why did you do that? I want to explore that just a little bit because A, I've said it too many times to count and I've heard it so many times. And I think people have heard it a lot at this point. Maybe if it was 10 years ago, this whole idea of owning it and what's mine and all that, it was the right language at the time, all that. So I'm not being skeptical, but I want to dive a little deeper into it because was it a spiritual book? You were a self-described atheist or agnostic, so was it something spiritual? Was it someone that looked you in the eye? Was it this— Just, I don't know, were you scratching at the mirror? I mean, what happened that had you go, this is on me. I'm the common denominator in all this. I mean, because it's so easy to be— no one would have denied you the right to be a victim there, right? Wow. The pace of change over the last couple of years has been rapid. And if you're a leader, a business owner, an entrepreneur, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Every day it's something different and something new. But the one thing that I've learned in performing at the height of all of those roles has been that we must be resilient. In fact, it's the unsung hero in every success story that you will ever hear about. And it's the reason why my team and I created the resilience assessment that more than 5,000 business leaders across the globe have taken. And all you have to do to get your The best way to take your own free resilient leader assessment is go to resiliencerank.com. It takes less than 3 minutes, and it's our gift to you for being the leader that you already are. Other free resources and tools will accompany your score instantly. So go to resiliencerank.com and find out just how resilient you are.

Totally. And nobody did.

Nobody would. Who would do that? Be cruel. People would have to have no compassion to have looked at you in that situation and said, oh, listen, girl, you did this all to yourself.

I'm trying to remember. I don't know. Because what happened was, so that happened in April. My business tanked. Life sucked. It was awful. And then in June, July, I met a mentor. And I think it might have been them. And I'm actually, that's the house who I'm in right now in San Francisco. So I think they have a culture of what I'm in now, what you're in now, like the way we talk and all of that. That's who they are. And I think just being in their environment, being in their culture, starting to work with them, just had me sort of slowly take responsibility and wake up. And I don't think I took responsibility for all of it at the same time. I first took responsibility for him, for having attracted that, for having lived with it, for ignoring the red flags. So that was first. And then from there, I was able to take responsibility sort of for the other stuff little by little. It was a process. It didn't happen overnight. Interesting. It definitely was a pivot in that year. And then in March of the following year, I was at a mastermind with these guys in Breckenridge, Colorado, and I was on a ski lift by myself because we were in Breckenridge and we had an afternoon off. So I decided to go and ski, and I was going up the ski lift and I started bawling. I don't know why, but I just had the download, the new awareness, the awakening that I had been living my whole life like a child waiting for the adults to take care of everything for me. And that in that ski lift on my way up the mountain at 40 years old, or 39, I realized that it was time that I had to be the adult.

Mm-hmm.

For myself and for the world. I think in that moment was when I really took responsibility for all of it in that moment.

The hair is literally standing up on my arms. Oh my goodness, Michelle, that's beautiful. I want to reflect back a few of those things that folks can really hear that because what you said was so powerful. And what you've described, I'm a big fan of process. I wasn't like that. I was very adverse to those kinds of things at a point. Now, I appreciate how important it is that we— when we see the sequence of things in our lives, because yeah, what does it mean to own something? Well, in this case, we're talking about over the period of maybe 9 months or even a year. It started out with some new language. At a TED Talk I gave in September, one of the things I said, which was really important to me to say, was that when we have the words, we also have the way. Words are important. Yes. Language is important. For you to get new language and to be around people, those mentors that could provide you some new language, it gave you a new way to see everything. Like, it just expanded your horizons. Like, oh, just— you want to see a whole new vista? Just turn around. Like, just look in a different direction and wow, the world is that big. So, the new language, the fact that it was a part of a process That took time.

It did.

That you went one piece at a time. So, it wasn't like you decided, I'm going to own it all. It's like, well, I started with this and then I moved to this, then I went to that. And so, over time, like dominoes, you just one tipped over the next and the next and the next until at a certain point you're on a ski lift in Breckenridge, Colorado, and you have an experience of, call it what you want, of humility, of honesty, of self-honesty, of ultimate transparency. It's just like bawling and going, I've been a child. Like, this is me as a child. I'm crying. Crying is an adult activity, not a child's activity. But I've been a child and waiting for adults to just handle things in my life. What a moment of truth, of like sheer truth, self-truth.

Exactly. Exactly. It was powerful. And then it was just like, wow, What's possible if everybody felt this way? If everybody decided to become an adult? If everybody said, I am responsible for everything? It's like, oh my God, you know? And that's when I finally tapped into, I think, the first true version of my North Star, of my purpose, which was, how can I help everybody have this experience? Mm-hmm. That was the beginning of it.

That's beautiful. What a great origin story for your business.

Thank you. Let me tell you a little bit about what pivoted because we've talked about like my personal emotional pivot, but there was also, I changed my business model. I changed how I operate. I mean, I changed everything as a result, but first I had to change me, right? And that's the core of my model that I teach and that I speak about from the stage is this 7-step thing and that step 1 is identity. When we have a shift at the level of identity, that is real. That is something that will last, right? A lasting shift doesn't come at the level of doing. It comes at the level of being.

Mm-hmm.

And so, so much shifted once I shifted like who I was committed, who I was and who I was being. And so that involved number one, taking stock of, right, who am I really? Like, do I love math? Am I really this person, this overachiever, or am I somebody else? And that's when I like started remembering like, oh my God, I was a little superstar as a kid. I loved to dance and sing and perform and make people laugh and have fun. And all of that I'd kind of like lost along the way. And that was party Michelle. That was drinking and partying that gave me permission to be that.

Isn't that true too, that people often think that their identity is something they're born with, that they get this confused. And I got it confused, that the idea that you're born for a reason and have a purpose, that somehow that means that it's solid. It's like you're born with it and you seek, you spend your life trying to find it when our identity changes. Your identity at 18 is very different than your identity at 28.

Right.

Very different identity. And it's certainly going to be different than when you're 42.

I call it the identity spiral. It came to me, I don't know, just like visually, but that you start at, like, let's say today, right here, right now, I'm at this point, identity zero, like identity sub-zero. That's my math, right? That we start at this point. Then from this point, we look at, all right, well, what do I really want out of my— like, who am I really? Who am I right now? What are my desires? What are my values? And what do I want? Okay? And so in creating the— tapping into the desire of what I want, what my mission is, what I want to create, Then, once I have that, then I have to, like, create a plan to get there, and actually do the stuff. Right?

Mm-hmm.

So, I— here's who I am, here's what I want, this is what I do to get there. And, in that process, you know, I travel this journey, and I become somebody new. I become this new version of me, identity sub-1. And then, this new identity might want different things, might want to create something new in the world. And, in the process of creating that, we travel another path. And then the identity evolves again in the process of being and doing. And so there's this identity spiral upward, ideally, I guess upward, where we're constantly evolving. And there's also at the same time, there's this thread of who we are and what we want that traverses all of it. Like that's part of us from birth to death, right? There's something that's there that's consistent or that's— permanent, if you will, like maybe our soul. I don't know what you'd call it, but there's a thread there that stays. And that's the me that was there when I was 3 years old that wanted to be expressed and that wanted to be with people, wanted to love and wanted to play. And that part of me is still part of me.

You think that's still part of you now?

Yeah.

I'm kidding.

I know you're kidding.

And it's really cool because Visual for me, and we all kind of learn in a different— sometimes our modality for where we're more comfortable learning is different, but I love visuals and I love analogies for that so that I can create a visual of what it looks like. So it was really helpful the way you were describing that. I kept thinking to myself just as you were saying that, so here's the thing about identity. It changes and we evolve, but it doesn't mean that an identity, a former identity, is like a part of you that doesn't exist anymore. It's almost like a snowball. If you think of it like the way a snowball, if you roll it and roll it and roll it, it's that evolutionary process of it becoming different and more. But ultimately, the first little piece of that snowball is right there in the core. It's in the middle. Yeah. So it is important to look back and think. There's a part in the book Pivot where you talk about how it is that you reexamine identity. So that's a foundational element of your teaching.

Yeah.

Starting with identity. And I know we won't have time to go through all, you know, in detail all 7, but would you walk us through what those 7 are? Thank you.

And this is my model for a superstar business. So it starts with identity. From the identity, the next level is really the lifestyle piece. What do you want out of your life? How do you want to live your life? What is the vision that you have for yourself? The 3rd step is what's the business model that aligns with that vision. And by the way, notice like each layer of the pyramid builds on the layer prior, and the whole idea is to have them be in alignment. So what you want, your vision for your life, has to be aligned, aligned with your values and with who you are, what you love to do, your strengths, your gifts, your talents. That's why we do personality testing and StrengthsFinder and things like that. So the identity, the lifestyle, then the business model to align with that. And then, from the business model, which is the way that you're going to turn that magic that you have into money, from there, we create the brand. And, the brand is the 4th step. And, that's, well, how do you put your identity now out into the world? Who are you declaring yourself to be to the world? And, that's, there's 5 levels, there's 5 layers of branding. There's the inner work, there's the higher work of aligning to something bigger than you, like a North Star. The creative work of identifying how are you different, how are you unique, how are you special. Then there's the strategic work of looking at the market, what the market needs and wants. And then finally, there's the actual implementation or execution work. So those are the 5 layers of the brand piece. And then from branding, there's marketing, right? How do you put the brand out into the world consistently in a way that's energy rich and aligned with your personality? So if you hate writing, we're not going to say, okay, go create a blog necessarily, right? So just having all these pieces be in alignment. Then from marketing, obviously, is monetization. It's selling. Like, how do you convert? How do you enroll? How do you bring people into your programs with integrity? And that's a big part of our— we call it sales as service. And then finally, from selling, from sales, like once you've got that kind of flowing, You've got money being generated, then we can look at, all right, where do we take some of this profit that we're creating and reinvest it to scale and optimize the operation? And so that's kind of a basic overview of the 7 layers of the, what we call the superstar business model. And a superstar is someone who is cultivating influence and generating income to make an impact. And that is the core of what it means to be a superstar. So people who are Messengers, they are supporters, they are leaders, they are thought leaders, game changers, people who are bringing something of value to the world in order to make the world a better place.

Yes. It's a 7-layer cake. I'm not even a cake eater, but that's what came up for me. I have so loved this conversation. I want to ask you sort of as we start to wrap up, what are some of the things that you do? Once you've got that blueprint for what misery looks like or being unfulfilled and the things we were talking about earlier and even drama, because drama, I think a lot of people are addicted.

If you have drama, really, everything is always us. And so if you have drama, it's just like really doubly, triply important to decide to take— to own it.

For sure. Yeah. I mean, well, in any event, whether the drama is an addiction or it's not, I think it's definitely something we can feel in the world all around us. So what are the things that you do on a daily basis to help you to rise above that? We call those rituals. So what are the rituals that you have for your recovery, your resilience, or whatever you might call it that helps you to rise above the drama of all the stuff going on around us?

So I have several rituals. I have a list of all the different things I can do in a day. Some of them I do every day no matter what, like meditate. First thing I do in the morning, 20 minutes meditation. And the other things that I do are, I do this disgusting green smoothie every morning that's really good for my body and my insides. I do yoga, a lot of yoga, probably 4 or 5 times a week yoga. I get a lot of massages too. I do something called empty presence periodically. I don't do it every day, although I kind of should. It's a practice that comes from a lineage of feminine priestesses. It's a practice to help you that I learned from one of my mentors to help you tap into your inner knowing, your intuition, into your connection to the divine, whatever you want to call that. And so I stare at the mirror into my left eye, listening to a specific called the Devi Prayer, and just do that for 20 minutes.

I love the Devi Prayer.

Powerful practice for connecting inward and to your inner knowing. And so, my mentor, I should mention her, she's amazing. Her name's Nanilea, N-A-N-I-L-E-A, Nanilea Diamond. And, I did an interview with her on my podcast. She's incredible. And so, I've learned a lot of these feminine practices. So, a lot of what I do are feminine practices, because what I realized more recently was that part of what I'd done all my life was gotten by through hustle and through a very masculine approach to life. Yes.

Different energy.

Totally different energy. And I had very much like pushed down my feminine, and in some ways, in others it wasn't healthy, it wasn't expressed in a healthy way necessarily. So what I've been doing, a lot of the practices are to tap back into just that feminine energy.

I think that this is one of the areas— we won't have time to get into this, maybe we'll have a second show to discuss this. Oh yeah, well, maybe it's appropriate for me to moderate that show and have Randy, my wife, join you on that one to discuss it. She's done a lot of women's retreat work over the years and led women's circles. And one of the things she used to say more often when she was doing some of that work was that there were a lot of women who conduct business like pretend men. And so I think this is one of the greatest challenges, and I can't speak as a woman, obviously. I'm married almost 30 years, it'll be 30 years this summer, and we have 3 daughters as well as a son. Wow. So I at least think I've earned the right On the level of having spent so much time around women, and I love my girls beyond words. So— I really hope you're enjoying this episode of the Change Proof Podcast. If you've not yet gone out and gotten your own copy of Change Proof, it's not too late. You can get your copy right now by going to changeproof.com and not only getting the book and all the bonuses there, but getting access to our proprietary resilience assessment tool. It'll just take you 3 minutes to do, and it's something that will really help you to utilize the book even more effectively to create practices and rituals and habits that will increase your mental, emotional, physical, and even spiritual resilience for the long term. Again, go to Go to changeproof.com to get your copy today. I feel that women have some— there's some confusion about what really is right for them in terms of how they live. Like you said, being, not doing. Doing, we get what comes from doing. You can get the big house doing. You can get the big job. You can get a lot of things I'm not sure that men who may have done more of the doing in that area for a long time and have achieved, let's say, some of that status, I don't know that they're the best example for women to have followed because heart disease and cancer and suicide, all of these things are radically up for women. And what's scary when you look at statistics about suicide, for example, among women that are in the 40, 50, 60 range, that demographic has shown the highest increase, the highest incidence of increased suicide, depression. So even though the numbers, the sheer numbers are that more men do that, more men are in that space, the change in that direction is greater among women and also interestingly enough among teenage girls. So I think this is definitely something worth exploring and finding that harmony. And that is what yin and yang is about. It's not a symbol for balance, it's a symbol for harmony. And it is male and female energy, that's yin and yang. So the work that you've been doing, and I'm going to mention Empty Presence, is it? Is that the— yeah, how beautiful. Nanalea Diamond. It's always wonderful to acknowledge the people that we've learned from. So how great that you've had an incredible mentor. I have so enjoyed this conversation with you.

Me

too.

Thank you.

And I'm sure everybody listening has just enjoyed it as well. So, for those of you who are inclined to leave a comment, and we really appreciate that so much, you can go to adammarkel.com/podcast and leave a comment. We'll reply there. You can leave a review on iTunes, and you can join us on Facebook at Start My Pivot, the Start My Pivot community on Facebook, or go to startmypivot.com to just get the front door right there as well. The last thing I want to share as we depart is something that's part of the ritual of this show, which is that we begin with being present to gratitude, to feeling, as we did at the beginning, how lucky we are just to be breathing and alive. And as we conclude, my prayer is that we all get to wake up again tomorrow. So I'm— I asked this question, it's rhetorical because people can't actually answer now in the moment, but how many of you are willing to wake up tomorrow? That's the question. You got to wake up today And you were not guaranteed that. That was not set in stone that you, when you went to bed last night, that you get to wake up another day. So there's something to be really grateful for. And tomorrow when you wake up again and you get to feel that moment of waking and that first conscious breath, you can be aware just for a second even that there are people who will be taking their last breath in that moment as well. And babies being born too. So lots of things happening. It's a sacred moment. It's special. So my request, and just more of an intention I suppose, is that you take 10 seconds tomorrow as you are waking up. Take just 10 seconds to put your feet on the floor, which is a blessing all by itself, and feel gratitude and appreciation for yourself in that moment. And if you're so inclined to say these words out loud, you can say, I love my life. I love my life. I love My life. What a blessing it's been to spend some time together, and Michelle, thank you again.

Thank you, Adam. I really appreciate it.

Ciao, everybody. Bye for now.

Thanks for listening, everyone. We hope you now have the tools and greater insights to navigate your own pivot. Help us inspire others by sharing this episode and leaving your comments over at adammarkel.com/podcasts. For more tips. Strategies and support as you consciously pivot into a new business and lifestyle you love. Join our Pivot community on Facebook at pivotfb.com.