#208: The Desire Factor: Living In Abundance And Attraction With Christy Whitman

Life happens, and not always the way we expect it to. Every single day we face change, stress, and uncertainty. What if you could learn to thrive no matter what life throws your way? Resilience expert Adam Markel and his inspiring guests explore breakthrough strategies to fully embrace change and build the resilience required to become change-proof.

Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of the Conscious Pivot Podcast. I'm your host, Adam Markel, and I'm feeling incredibly blessed in this moment. I find that I say that a lot these days, and I'm just sort of thinking in my mind at this moment of an old Hawaiian philosophy, a Huna philosophy, that says something to the effect of, you bless that which you want. And with everything that's going on in the world, in my life, in the lives of so many other people that is chaotic and is difficult, challenging, I find that it's so important for me to just stay focused on what I really want to attract into my life. And the greatest method I've got for attracting what I want is to bless the things that I want. I bless my body, my healthy body. I bless my food. I bless the associates that I have in my business and our clients and our home and the environment. And the country that we live in. And all these things, I think, are there for us to bless or to curse. And if you buy into this philosophy, as I do, that what you bless will bless you back and what you curse will curse you back, it's pretty clear where we want to— or at least I say for myself, where I want to focus my attention. I think it's a really powerful way to lead into the amazing, beautiful, extraordinary guest that I have today, who is also an old friend. She's not old, I'm old, but we're friends for a long time. And I'm gonna share a little bit about her in a second, and then we'll get to meet her, all of us together. So she is a 2-time New York Times bestselling author, master certified Law of Attraction coach, interesting enough, and channel for the Council. She is the author of a brand new book called The Desire Factor, which I am so excited to be able to read myself and support with all of our community members as well. It's so great to have you with us, Christy Whitman. Welcome to the show.

Hey, Adam, I love you so much. So grateful to be here with you. You're just amazing. It's true, what you bless, you get more of. What you appreciate appreciates. So I love the way you started this conversation.

Yes. I want to ask you, I know I read this bio that's got a lot of pretty impressive things, very impressive things. What's one thing that's not in that bio that you would love for people to know about you at the outset?

I have literally pivoted from a person that was just in a mindset of lack and limitation. Everything was a struggle. There was so much drama and so much chaos. It's my parents, God love them. They're in their 80s. They still very much live that way. It's always what the, well, the problem is, right? And that's how I was raised. That's how I was reared. And 25 years ago, thank God, when I was in a place of, okay, why is my life not working? And why am I not happy? I was able to find the universal laws and I was able to really understand the law of abundance. Sufficiency and Abundance, and was able to start pivoting from that mindset to a mindset of abundance. And exactly what you're talking about, really coming to a place where there's always an opportunity to bless or appreciate what we have. And at the same moment, there's always an ability to complain about something or to condemn something or judge something, and it's always our choice. And so for doing this for 25 years, You know, I literally have created a life that I wouldn't have even been able to dream of 25 years ago. The biggest thing for me, Adam, is, you know, I still see my parents and their kind of relationship that they have. And as a child, I knew I didn't want a relationship like that. And I was just, you know, spending time with my husband this morning and just appreciating him and just, you know, giving him so much gratitude for how he shows up in all aspects of our lives. And we were hugging and kissing and our kids are always like, ugh, gross. You know, and we've created this really beautiful environment where there's so much love and there's so much respect in our life and that's what they're seeing and that's one of the biggest things for me, no matter what I've accomplished, no matter how much impact I've made, no matter how many people I've certified or how many books I've written, is the fact that the kids that I'm raising with this wonderful man get to have a beautiful example of a relationship.

I didn't know that we had that in common. And a few things really important. Number one, that our parents are both still alive and in their 80s. And so I'm going to knock on wood for both of us because that is a blessing. Yeah. I mean, they're as thick as they ever were. This expression that the more things change, the more they stay the same, I think is probably a cliché for a reason. But I have seen, as they say, that Also, I've seen the changes in both my parents for, at least from my standpoint, for the better. So I have a living example that you're never really too old to do things a little differently, maybe not drastically different at a certain point, but certainly small pivots for sure. And so we have that in common as well as the fact that they were a pretty dysfunctional pair. And while your parents are still together and maybe causing havoc together, My parents split after 25 years and so, you know, the havoc—

I used to beg my parents to split. I mean, my dad the other day threatened to put my mom in an old person's home. I mean, because, you know, so it's still very dysfunctional and I used to beg my mom, leave him. I did. I would sit there and go, divorce him, and women back then, she was like, what am I going to do? How am I going to support myself? And she was stuck. And that, thank God, was a big pivot for me in my life because I remember being about, you know, 10 years old going, oh, I am never going to get in a situation where I have to rely on someone where that my freedom is in question. And I played that out in my first marriage. It was like, oh, well, I can leave if I want to. I was always on the, I can leave if I want. You know, that became the, oh yeah, I'm going to leave. I've got my own money. I can leave. Right? And that became then the, like, almost the overdoing of defending against what I didn't want to happen. So—

And we do that sometimes. The pendulum is constantly swinging. I think we see that in so many areas of our world today is that the pendulum has gone from one end of extreme to the other or is making its way in that direction, right? So we do, we overcompensate sometimes for that. Like, your mother was trapped, or at least your view is maybe she was a little bit trapped by her circumstances. You are not going to end up trapped. Like you were going to declare your freedom from moment one. And ultimately that became a self-fulfilling— I don't know this part of your story. So if I'm, you know, like if I'm totally wildly bullshitting here, just call it out. Right. But it seems like you declared that at the outset and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy because you said that was marriage number one. I'm assuming that that ended.

Oh, it did. Yeah. I'm now with, you know, with Frederick, who you know, you know, or who you know, I should say, 15 years. And we have a beautiful relationship and I don't have that edge anymore. Like, oh, Yeah, if you look at me wrong, I'm going to leave. I mean, you know, first husband didn't have a chance because if he said something wrong or looked at me wrong or didn't do something, I was like, oh yeah, I'm out of here. Because it was that, like you said, that pendulum swing of I'm not going to be trapped. No one can, you know, pin me down. I can be out of here. And so it's interesting what we create, you know, to defend against what we don't want.

Resilience. It's the unsung hero in every success story that you will ever hear about. And in times of massive change and disruption, the kind of rapid change that we're all experiencing as leaders, as business owners, as entrepreneurs, we have to learn how to not only increase our own resilience but that of our teams. So right now we have a powerful opportunity for you to find out just how resilient you are. Some years ago, my team and I created the resilience assessment that more than 5,000 business leaders across the globe have taken. And all you have to do to get your own free resilience leader assessment is go to resiliencerank.com. It takes It takes less than 3 minutes, and it's our gift to you for being the leader that you already are. Other free resources and tools will accompany your score instantly. So go to resiliencerank.com and find out just how resilient you are. I want to track back to something else that we were both talking about too, which is this sort of the complaining or the condemning, as you use that word, or the judgment, which you said as well. People are addicted to drama?

Oh, totally. Yes, it's an addiction, but it's like, it's what people know. We were literally raised, when you think about it, whether it's little boys with the comic, you know, the Marvel Comics, or, you know, little girls with their Cinderella stories, there's always a victim, there's always a hero, and there's always a, you know, bad guy. And we live that, whether you're looking in a novel or a Broadway play, This is what we see, but it also reflects the nature, like in families, in relationships, you have someone that plays the poor me, you know, life's happening to me, I can't seem to, and then you have someone else that just wants to help and they overdo and they let me help you and let me cheer you up and let me give you money and let me do, you know, and then the rescuer becomes the victim because they're like, no matter what I do, I can't seem to get through to this person. I've given them so much money, now I'm broke, or, you know, and then there becomes a bad guy. guy, you know, and it could be a thing. Money could be a bad guy, right? Desires can be a bad guy, you know, the government, the God. I mean, there's always someone or something that's the bad guy, the persecutor. Right. And so that's how we stay stuck in this, what I like to call the lack triangle, where it's like, it's full of drama, chaos, separation, suffering. And ask me how I know. I lived there for a very long time.

So you used the word desire just a moment ago. So are you speaking in terms of the part of the content that's in the book, The Desire Factor, or did that just— or did the word desire just come up because it's so much on your heart and your mind right now?

I would say both. Yeah, because, you know, the thing is with desires, it's like someone has a desire for something and then they feel they can't attain it. And then the desire almost becomes the bad guy. Well, you know, the money, for example, right? I want more money because I would have more freedom, but I can't get it. Money sucks, right? And so it's like the very thing that we desire, we get into drama with because we feel like no matter what we do, no matter, you know, there's all these obstacles, there's all these blocks, I can't seem to get to what I want. And so we beat ourselves up for it. We feel like, oh, there's— I don't know how to do it, or maybe I'm just not meant to, or maybe God or the universe is against me. You know, and then this desire becomes the bad thing. I mean, it even says in some of the religions, I mean, if you look at Buddhism, it says that desire is the root of all suffering. Well, no, desire is the birthplace of creation. But when you feel that you can't create your desire and you still want the desire, oh yeah, you're gonna suffer.

Especially if you're attached to having it. It seems like that's the You know, part of the riddle or the paradox of it all is to have— be able to have desires but somehow not be so attached to them that when they don't happen or happen in your time parameters or according to your specifications, that you don't become miserable or make those around you miserable because your expectations have been unfulfilled.

Yes. So that's one of the principles I talk about in The Desire Factor. But it's interesting because they're like step-by-step approach that there's principles that need to be applied, kind of like a padlock, right? If you mix up the numbers, it doesn't open. So what you're talking about is this surrendering. And a lot of people are like, oh, whatever, I don't desire anything. They put surrender on the top, where they're just like, well, if it happens, it happens, you know, and they're not in alignment or in a place of focus. So a lot of times those people that have put surrender to— like, it's like going into a restaurant and saying to the waiter, I don't know, just give me whatever you think I'd like. Right? It's like we're meant to co-create with the divine, and we get these desires, and we're meant to be putting our hands in the clay, so to speak, too. You know, we're— it's a, it's a give and a take, like a breath, a breathing in and a breathing out. And, and when you are focused, and when you're clear on what you want, and when you're in alignment in your own consciousness, and you have that feeling of just blessing the thing that you desire, you have the feeling of having it, then it's time to surrender. Surrender the who, the where, the what, the how. The form, right? Sometimes people get so myopic on it's got to be this form, and yet the divine's going, but wait, I got something over here that's so much better than that. But we're like, no, it's got to be that thing, you know? And then when that thing falls away or doesn't show up, then we get so frustrated and so disappointed, and we don't realize that if we just let go of that energy, you could open up to something so much bigger and better.

And I think surrender is a great word to use to describe that, Christy, because it's not easy to let go of things. As human beings, I think we tend to hang on. It's almost like our, you know, like a lifeline born with to just sort of hang on to things. Yeah. And the way we began this conversation, I think, is also pretty curious about it because in that same Huna philosophy, it says that anything you negate, you cannot have. I mean, it's sort of the concept That you're describing is what you curse or condemn, you cannot have. So as you say, in religion, I mean, it's hard to get past a place in the Bible that people have interpreted to mean that money is evil because there's something that says money is the root of all evil, except we know that that's also been sort of misquoted, let's say, because it's the love of money, meaning the overattachment to money or the, you know, what you're talking about, like clawing Having this clingingness to having things that may be the root of evil. But when we say something is evil or bad or wrong in some way, we can't possibly have that thing ourselves. We're constantly sort of saying no thank you to that.

Right.

But what I'm hearing you say too is, right, that part of the reason we do that is because we feel rejected. Is that— did I track that correctly?

Yeah, there's a part in us that goes, oh, I can't have it. So I might as well cut, you know, like start talking badly about it. I didn't want it anyway. Oh, that thing sucked. That it wasn't worth it anyway. Wouldn't have been as good as I thought it would have been. We start negating it like you're saying. And what's interesting, Adam, is that even if you go back in the original scriptures, it wasn't even the money or the love of money. It was greed is the root of all evil. But somehow, somewhere along the way, this thing that everybody agreed that we need, long before you and I came into existence, this thing called money, it's a barter, it's a medium of exchange, right? They decide to put in the Bible that it is the love of money. Let's really mess them up. You need this thing called money to eat.

People aren't confused enough. Right? At the root level, let's create more. I would love to know what the origin story is for this book, because part of what our work in the world is We train people to get on stages and deliver TED Talks and things like that. And we're always tracking to that first domino, what we call the origin story. So at some point, you know, you're a published author, you've had a lot of success with books. What's the origin story around this new book?

Well, all of my books are channeled. I've literally been woken up at 3 o'clock in the morning, 1:05 in the morning, and just get the download. You know, even one of my books, The Art of Having It All, I was told to keep a notebook and a pen. And I even told my kids, they were 4 and 5 at the time, I'm like, if you see See me pick this up, just don't mommy mommy me, just give me a minute, it won't last long and it just— my hand gets independent of myself. So to answer your question on this one, we were on a Mediterranean cruise. I had taken my mom and dad and we gave them like a really nice Christmas present to go to. We asked them, where in the world would— where would you want to go? And they said, I'd want to go on a Mediterranean cruise. So for Christmas several years ago, my husband, my 2 boys, my mom and dad went on this incredible Mediterranean cruise. And here I was, we went into Venice and, you know, had lots of success, more financial abundance than I've ever experienced, you know, being able to donate and, you know, do really amazing things. And here comes Venice, the day we're in Venice. And I had told myself years prior, when my husband and I were just boyfriend and girlfriend at the time, we went to Italy with my mom and dad. And I went into Venice and we actually stayed there. We took a 2-week trip and different, you know, visited different parts. And I got into Venice and I've always loved fashion. It just always has lit me up ever since I was a little kid. And here I was like, oh my God, in this like amazing experience of like Versace and Dior and Chanel and Louis Vuitton. And I mean, it just went Fendi, you know, it just went on and on and on. And I was like, wow. And I had just started my business at the time. Right? To go into any of those stores and to buy anything was just not practical and it didn't make any sense. And so I made a declaration. I told my boyfriend at the time, now husband, I said, someday we're going to come back here. And as a symbol of my success, I'm going to go into any store and I'm going to buy a purse that I choose, not because of the cost amount or that I— because just because I can, as a token of my success. And I was just— I didn't get in the place of like, oh, this sucks. I don't have any money. I can't buy this. Oh, it's too materialistic. Oh, this. Oh, that. I was like, someday I'm coming back here. Well, that someday happened. And we're on this cruise ship, land into Venice. We had a beautiful day going on a gondola ride with my mom, my dad, my boys, you know, had croissants and cappuccino in San Marco Square. And it was just amazing. And then My husband and I went shopping, and I went in from store to store to store. And I I went into Dolce and Gabbana, and I found this beautiful purse, this blue purse. And we had this amazing lunch, and just this incredible like when like am I at the end of my days? And I'm in my rocking chair. That day is going to be in the reel that I look back and go, "Wow! Sun was shining, pasta, wine. You know, just when I bought this beautiful purse, I mean with the love of my life. I mean it was just an incredible day." And so I get back on the ship, and I unwrap the purse. And, I'm looking at it, and I'm like, wow, this is the symbol. This is what I— this was my desire factor. This is what I said. And, that word just— those words just came out. I was like, ooh, I like that. But, I'm like, this is what I said when we were here years ago, when I was starting my business. The vision that I had is someday, because I'm going to be so successful in my business, because I'm going to have impacted so many people's lives, I'm going to be able to come back at my choosing and buy whatever purse. And, this is the purse. And, I was like, oh, wow, the symbol of success. And then I heard the voice go, that's so materialistic. And I went, what? How? It was like I felt like a simple. I'm like, how could? What? How? This this is like come on! It's a symbol of success. Oh, that's so material. And then the download started. This purse was a desire that my personality had because I appreciate that. I appreciate high fashion. But wow, the divine. Who I became in the process of attaining, making that declaration and attaining that purse, all those years of the growth, the person I had to become to have that financial abundance, to have that type of well-being, to have that generosity, to have that faith and trust, to have that, you know, that just continuous act of service for the people that I was impacting, who I became in the process of this purse. It was like, that's what it's about. And so, it's a both/and thing. The personality gets to enjoy the purse, but the divine is like, whoo. And that's when the book started downloading.

Wow. The pace of change over the last couple of years has been rapid. And if you're a leader, a business owner, an entrepreneur, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Every day it's something different and something new, but the one thing that I've learned in performing at the height of all of those roles has been that we must be resilient. In fact, it's the unsung hero in every success story that you will ever hear about. And it's the reason why my team and I created the resilience assessment that more than 5,000 business leaders across the globe have taken. And all you have to do to get your own free resilient leader assessment is go to resiliencerank.com. It takes Less than 3 minutes, and it's our gift to you for being the leader that you already are. Other free resources and tools will accompany your score instantly. So go to resiliencerank.com and find out just how resilient you are. In that moment when you said, oh, that's so materialistic, what was your self-awareness about that little voice that came up? I mean, I think I'm tracking what you're saying, that you had changed between the time you had that desire and attaining that desire. You had changed. And then what did you interpret that all to mean at that moment?

Well, that's what started downloading through me, that it's like, it's— don't judge yourself for liking what you like. We're all created different. So for me, it might— what might light me up as a purse For you, it might be a trip. For somebody else, it might be a new pair of golf clubs. For someone else, it might be going on a golfing trip. For someone else, it might be starting a new business or a podcast. I mean, there's so many things in our lives. It could be building a house. It could be getting your dream car. But all of these things that expand us and light us up, that is life. That's energy flowing through us. And it feels good and we're supposed to feel good. It's kind of like when I write about in The Desire Factor, it's that little story that they tell in the Bible that there was an Adam and there was an Eve and then there was this tree, you know, tree of life and there was a big juicy apple and God said, don't eat the apple. And I'm kind of going, wait a minute, the God that I have come to know, because it wasn't the same God when I was a kid, there was like a God in the sky, it was like Santa Claus, you either do something right or wrong and you're going to go to heaven or hell and that condemning God was outside, right? And I was always watching my P's and Q's and I figured, ah, I messed up. So I might as well go full in and be a bad girl because I'm screwed anyway. So that God is not who actually exists. I've come to know this very loving and very generous God that goes, here's an apple, eat it.

Right. So you caught yourself judging in that moment. You were just giving yourself the business. And it's so interesting. There's a little twist in that story, right? Because you grow to the point of being able to have something and then you look at what you've got, the symbol of that desire being brought to Fruition, like a fruit, and you pick it and you bite it and then you go, ick.

Mm-hmm. That's what we're trained to do. Think about it. That's what we're trained to do. Eve is in the Garden of Eden. She takes a bite and the story is we're all cast out of Eden forever, right? Because that woman.

Well, it's interesting because a lot of people are chasing after something for long periods of time in their life. They're kind of continually chasing this carrot and then often what you're describing is the— you've got the carrot or you think you've got the carrot and the next thing you know, you don't. It's now this one, you know, gets moved further and the rules kind of almost keep getting changed in that respect that take us out of just being able to feel good or feel fulfilled with what we've got and be grateful for what we've got. I mean, that really feels to me like the root of a lot of suffering today. What do you think?

It is. And, you know, and it's interesting because it's a dance too, because there's desires that come from the lower part of us, the imprinted part of us, right? I want to feel loved. I need to prove myself. I want to be liked. I want to be like Kim Kardashian. I want to, you know, all of these lower places where, like I said, I want to be able to be free. So I'm going to make my money and defend against myself so I could leave if I want to, right? All of these are not of the divine. These are not expansive, abundant, life-giving, moving in the direction of who you're becoming. These are feeding the lower personality. And when we're coming from feeding that, when we're in the drama triangle and when we're in that lack triangle, right, we're in that suffering space, all we can create is more suffering. Been there, done that. Attained what I wanted, and then the thing that I attained that I thought would be the thing that would finally fulfill me, I would get— it's like, well, that didn't do it. Right? And that's— it's where does the motivation come from? Because if you're in that space of like, oh my God, I would just love to— Exactly.

Where does the motivation come from? And if the motivation is coming from outside of yourself, or let's say social media, which is so easy to pick on these days for that purpose, is you're looking at someone else and their— what they've got and thinking that's what you want because They've got it. And that's the root of it, is this either proving that you're as good or proving something else or this comparison. It's going to be tough even achieving those things to feel good about them. It's not that you won't achieve them because I know a lot of people who are quite successful because they constantly have to prove themselves. But they're also consistently unhappy.

Yes, absolutely. You know, I've got so many stories I could share. It was funny because around the time of the presidency, I had clients that said, to me, Christy, you should run for the President of the United States. And I was like, oh God, that is like so not my desire factor. That never will be. I have no— and I can tell you what, I know that the divine is not going to give me that desire because I would go, oh, like it knows its audience, right?

Yeah.

But, but Marianne Williamson, sitting there in her room in New York City, gets this download to run for the presidency. And she goes, yes, That is life-giving to her. Now, she didn't become the President of the United States, but who she became in the process and the consciousness that she gave out to a lot of people that needed those shifts and the light work that she did in that process, that's what the divine wanted her to do, right? She didn't get the end desire, but who she became in that process, I mean, that's what's really about.

It was. It was a miracle. I mean, regardless of what the political, you know, sort of issue or part of it is, it's a question of the shift in consciousness. And I think that's one of those things from a great book she wrote years ago called A Return to Love, is that a miracle is a mere shift in consciousness. So it's really, really cool. You know, as you can see on the screen, there's an article, an HBR article that says resilience is about how you recharge, not how you endure. So I want to build a bridge from what we're discussing to how it is that people can become more able to go after the things they want most in life, those desires, without burning themselves out in the process. Because I think a big issue for folks, not just in the pandemic, even though it's been exacerbated for individuals and organizations now, is to be able to not bounce back from all of this adversity, but to bounce forward. And that's our book that's coming out later this year is called Change Proof: Leveraging the Power of Uncertainty to Build Long-Term Resilience. It's all about bouncing forward. And that is very much what I want to just chat with you about now. The idea that somehow desires— where is it that desires actually create exhaustion or burnout for people? And more or less, how does your book is sharing create maybe a bridge to a more resilient way to live? to get what you want so that you don't end up, as we said earlier, achieving something but then negating it, achieving something and being unhappy or miserable at what you gave up to get that thing? Can you have both, in other words?

Absolutely. And so first of all, it's not the desire. It's how we feel about the desire, how we perceive the desire. If we're— if we have this desire that's been birthed, this life-giving energy that has come forth through us, no matter what it is. And then our mind, the first obstacle that we have towards desires is ourself. You know, you could have this amazing desire, this great idea, and then go, oh, what? I can't do that. I don't know how to do that. Right? Or, oh, what will people think if I do that? Oh, well, that's already been done before. Oh, I'm not good enough to do that. Oh, that's going to take too much work. Right? It's like that, that personal obstacle. So the resilience is letting yourself be Like life, having that life-given energy of the desire move through you and understand that it's like, it's not about the desire. We can— there's pure potentiality. If we received it, there's the pure potential partner that's living and breathing inside of you that's literally beating your heart. You don't have to do that. It's breathing you without you having to do it. It's growing your nails, your hair, some of us.

Those

of

you who are now watching this and have never seen me, Christy's Yes, I am.

He's got a beautiful bald head.

I am optimally coiffed, we'll say.

What did Wayne Dyer say? You are— he would always say he's a solar panel for sex.

I never heard that. That's—

Yeah. So, um, yeah, where was I? No, but when we, when we are negating, we're being pulled into our imprints, into those places where we are in lack, our consciousness is in lack. Yeah, we're gonna suffer. And that's the, that's the whole point of the desires, is to make us aware of where is that pull. Because if there is a pull, if there's split energy on I want this, but I can't have it, then the but I can't have it is the opportunity to become something more. It's an opportunity to grow in your consciousness, to move into lack and limitation into pure potentiality. And that's really what it's about. I mean, that's what the divine wants us to do is be greater than we even know ourselves to be.

Mm-hmm.

And so that resilience is coming into a place of, if you need help, there's amazing coaches in the world like Adam, myself, people that can really help you pivot off. Read a good book, right? Desire Factor shows you how to pivot from that, how to be more resilient towards your desires and be able to let go of that voice that tells you you can't have it or you can't do it or you don't know how to do it and really understand what is your role in the co-creative process. When you're partnering with the very breath that's breathing you.

So powerful, Christy. I'd love to get a sense of how you practice what you preach. So meaning your own practices for resilience or rituals even for resilience. So let's start with, do you have a particular way that you even define that word? I find that when I ask people just what the meaning of resilience is for them, it's pretty interesting. In fact, I'll even just put that up on the screen, but the idea that there's a definition for it and everybody defines it differently. So I'd love to get your definition of it, and then I want to track into what do you do to practice it?

Yeah. So for me, it's all about resilience is all about moving forward despite what's trying to pull me back and to be able to release what's pulling me back, release what's trying to anchor me to the past or to limitations and know that I'm bigger than the obstacle. I'm bigger than what's holding me back and then be able to move into the energy of that and then move forward. So, resilience for me is knowing that I'm bigger than any obstacle or problem, any imprint, any block, and to be able to just continue to move forward in that.

Release what's holding me back.

Yes. And we all have stuff that holds us back from time to time. It's just the question of what degree. You know, do we go, oh, okay, thanks for sharing, or do we really get mired in it? Because when you really think about it and you ask the second question you asked me is, what do I do? So it's all about energy. I mean, we know this now from quantum physics, from modern science, that everything is energy, and including ourselves. Yes, we look very physical, but we are energy, and we are always generating energy. And so when we even think about something that we've attracted, there's something inside of us that has attracted this situation, circumstance, whatever it is. And then because it's inside of us, in our consciousness, we can release it. Yeah. And same is true though, is that if we're having this mind pattern or we're, you know, saying the same things or we're feeling a certain way, that's all energy and it's all imprinted and really becoming an energy master. So understanding what words you're saying, what thoughts you're thinking, what perspectives you're holding, what emotions you're either processing or not, and then what actions you're taking, those are the things that will determine what we continue to attract. I'll just give a perfect example. Because my parents, talk full circle back to my parents again, they are getting up in age. They live in a townhome that's upstairs, downstairs. And we've been kind of talking to them about, what do you guys want to do in the next phase of your life? They don't want to go into an old retirement home. They don't want to go into an apartment. So I came up, had this desire, this idea one day, what if we got a house? And had a guest house or a casita or something that they can live on the property separate from us. You know, they can still have their kitchen and cook and do their laundry and they're self-contained, but they're there and we can help them. And I told that to my mom and dad and they were like, oh my God, we love it. So here we go. The desire factor has been born, right? So we're going to sell their house. We're going to sell our house. We're going to combine efforts. We're going to get a beautiful home. And we started to put their house on the market. And we found a great house, right? And my girlfriend was my real estate agent. She found this house for us. It had a casita. We go over there, we, you know, it was like there had been no offers in this very hot market, no offers on this house. So we go there, we're like, yep, let's do it. And I tell my girlfriend, let's make an offer. She's literally sitting there with my husband crafting an offer. And this, this house had been on the market for months, no offers, not one. And all of a sudden, while they're sitting there crafting an offer, the realtor calls and says they got a cash offer and they accepted it. Right? So now in my mind, I'm already living in the house, I could see where my parents have been, I could see where the boys, who would, who would have what bedroom, where I'm going to put my bed in this, you know, in this house.

And I was

like, ah,

we all can relate to what you just said, by the way.

Yeah, I'm sure.

Just like that one. Same.

Everybody that's trying to buy a house of any kind.

Whatever. It's just something, you know?

Right. No. So it was just—

All of a sudden, the world is interested in that same one thing, you know?

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. So I was just like, ugh, right? So I had to literally feel what I was feeling. I felt frustrated. I felt disappointed. And I just went into my belly and I let myself feel it. And there were like a couple of waves of times. It wasn't just one-shot deal because I had gotten Attached to it, right? It was like I started going there as my energy was already there. So I had to now have a very different future connection energetically, and I didn't have anything. So it was disappointing. There's a feeling of loneliness that can happen. So it's releasing all of that stuff. And then there came a moment, once I released the energy, I said, okay, divine, that's partnering with me, that wants more than I want for myself. I said, this or something better. And I was like, wow, if it's not this, I'm so looking forward to seeing what the something better is.

Yes.

Oh my gosh. And then I got back into excitement. We, through so many amazing, just synchronistic things, found a property. We're building a house. It's 10 times better. 10 times better. We have more property, we have better views. I mean, it is just explosively 10 times better. And yet, if I would— in that— was in that place of like, this sucks, that, you You know, being in disappointment and being in anger and being frustrated. Why can't I have this? Why don't things work out for me? That's where like our old programming, right? It's just so hard. Well, life is so hard. If I would have stayed stuck in that, what's potentially out there that's 10 times better than the thing that we perceived that we lost is now not available to us or accessible to us because our consciousness is not there.

I really hope you're enjoying this episode of the Change Proof Podcast. If you've not yet gone out and gotten your own copy of Change Proof, it's not too late. You can get your copy right now by going to changeproof.com and not only getting the book and all the bonuses there, but getting access to our proprietary resilience assessment tool. It'll just take you 3 minutes to do, and it's something that will really help you to utilize the book even more effectively to create practices and rituals and habits that will increase your mental, emotional, physical, and even spiritual resilience for the long term. Again, go to changeproof.com to get your copy today. You're cut off from seeing, or you've blinded yourself from seeing what's also available. Because we do that. We sort of get a scotoma, I think is the fancy word for a blind spot, right? But we just sort of get tunnel vision about something we want. Yeah, it's interesting. Thank you. I love a narrative like that because people are going to remember that point because they'll remember your story, especially since we've all We've all had situations just like that. Oh my goodness. Yeah. Christy, I love the fact that this is what you're up to. And obviously in the show notes, there'll be more information about The Desire Factor. But I'll just say thedesirefactor.com is where folks can immediately go and preorder and find out more about the book. When is it officially on the shelves or due to arrive by mail and all the rest? You know?

April 20th.

Exciting. Way cool. Yeah.

It is exciting. And, and what's really cool is that there's like $900 worth of bonuses when You buy a $15 book, that's the desire factor that— I mean, just the energy in this book is amazing. Like, people literally will open it and just like, whoa, the energy. But you get actually 3 processes with the council who I channel. They're amazing. Like, they literally help you release those blocks and move into the direction of your desires. But then in May, we start a 4-week live coaching session on each of the different principles with the council. And so that's amazing.

Super, as always. I just want to thank you for everything that you shared. And again, just our friendship, the fact that we even know each other a little better today than we did yesterday is beautiful. Yeah. Everybody out there, just, I think there's so much in this episode that you can choose to sort of focus on. Pick one thing perhaps. Maybe there's somebody even in your life that's been holding on to some negative energy, is attached to the past, not willing to release something, or is maybe blocking some of these wonderful new things from happening. happening because they're standing in judgment or they're condemning things when they could be blessing them. Even the things that are our challenges can be things that we bless and then transform those challenges into something different. There's so many things we just don't know. That's what's so wonderful when we have that awareness, even the humility of everything we don't yet know and all the things we don't know we don't know. And the riddle keeps going. I'll say for me, The one consistent ritual for producing both my own resilience to keep going and going after what I desire is how I wake up in the morning and do the same thing every day. Put my feet on the floor, feel some gratitude in that moment for that breath, that moment that's so sacred. And then I say 4 words out loud, which is the subject of the TED Talk I gave and is written right here on my sweatshirt, on my hoodie. And those 4 words are, I love my life. I'm going to ask you, Christy, do you love your life?

Oh, I'm so grateful. Yes, I love my life. I'm so— I just, yes. I love the life that's breathing me. I love the life that I've created. I love who's in my life. I love you. I love, you know, yes, I love, love my life.

Now, you passed the polygraph right there, girl. Like, off the hook telling the truth right there.

I got to share with your audience one of my favorite memories, and this is going to go in the reel, you know, when I old lady rocking in my rocking chair, is when we were in Costa Rica. Do you remember this? We were in the ocean and the ocean was like bathwater and the sun was setting and the moon was rising. And it was like we were having just that both/and moment, that moment of both happening. And we were in just such this amazing group of people. And I will forever be grateful for that moment with you and Randy.

Thank you for reminding me of that epic, miraculous, divine moment. It really was. Wow. Thank you.

Thank

you, everybody. We'll see you soon.

Thanks for listening. We hope you now have even more tools and greater insights to build resilience and become change-proof. Remember to leave a review on Apple Podcasts and you may be featured in an upcoming episode. For more resilience For more resilience tips and strategies, including support for building change-proof teams, visit adammarkel.com. To get your own free resilience assessment, go to rankmyresilience.com.