#209: The Magic of Surrender In Achieving Your Goals (with Kute Blackson)

Thanks for having me. Thanks for making the time. I'm excited always to hang.

Yeah, and you're the guy who actually hung up. I want to just call myself out for that. I was busy.

It's okay. I just had to surrender to it. I had to surrender to it, you know. Surrender.

That was it.

Practice my own book.

I'm literally— I just got out of the pool, was drying off, and I look at my phone and I get a text from Randy, my wife, who's also a member of the team, and she says, what are you doing? You got a podcast starting in 10 minutes. And you know what? I'm just weaving this in because you said let's talk about the magic of surrender. I had to surrender in that moment.

Yeah.

Because the earlier version of myself, let's say 15 years ago, I would have immediately felt sort of a mix of wonderful things like guilt and agitation. And I probably would have been a little pissed off at something, maybe myself, maybe somebody on my team for not somehow making making me well aware that I had to be back. Who knows? I mean, I just would have— there would have been a nice little concoction of emotion and would have produced lots of good chemicals inside my body. And today I didn't. Yeah. And I surrendered to the fact that I was going to be late. I was going to have to— whatever was going to be was going to be. If it didn't fit your schedule, we were going to have to do what we had to do. But it In any event, Kuth, thank you so much for being on the show and allowing me to practice my surrender skills.

Great to be here.

Tell me, what's something right out of the gate that you would love for people to know about you that's not typically a part of your bio or your introduction?

Wow. You know, I, as a young boy, I used to, you know, I didn't grow up with a lot of money. My father's a minister, healer, what have you. That's something I speak about. But we used to live behind my father's church. My bedroom was literally the size of most people's little toilet bathrooms, right? And so I had all these dreams and visions. I would sneak into my father's church in the middle of the night with the key, sneak in, no one's there, 9, 10 PM. And most people don't know is probably from age 12 to 18, 11 to 18, I would speak and give seminars to— in the darkness, to the empty chairs for 2, 3 hours a night. And on weekends, I would spend my Saturdays giving seminars, imagining thousands of people in a ballroom and teaching. And, and like, no one was there. The chairs were empty. It was pitch black. And I would be giving seminars, you know. I'd read these spiritual books, you know, Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson, Zig Ziglar, Jim Rohn, Brian Tracy. That was age 12. And I'd be imagining all of the content I was reading, and I'd be kind of coming up with my own ideas and understanding. And, and so a lot of people don't know, like, I probably put in thousands of hours before I even actually came to the US and did my own seminars. And that was, you know, I I loved it. I loved it. It was my passion. It was my joy. I was the kid that when I first found Jim Rohn at age 12, I was literally walking to school on the pavement reading Jim Rohn's book, you know, uh, while walking. And so this was— for me, this is a— I don't know, it's a calling. It's a passion. It's, it's a love, you know. It was never really at all a business. And, you know, a lot of people are getting into self-help now because, oh, it's a business and there's a way to make money and it's coaching and But for me, it was just, it was a love, you know?

It's interesting to me too, because you have since spoken on big, huge stages, thousands of people. I know you've spoken at A-Fest and countless other places. You've done your seminars all over the world. So I just, this is a little cheeky of a question, but was it better in real life or was it better when you were delivering those insights to the darkness and the room of imaginary people in the middle?

You know, honestly, in real life, for me, it was very humbling.

Yeah.

Because I felt in the darkness, I felt, and it wasn't a conscious thing, it was an intuitive thing where I felt the souls of people around the world kind of calling me. And so there's moments when I'm on stage in the flow and I'm on stage just sharing what's coming through and I look out at the audience and feel so profoundly humbled and privileged because there's a moment of, oh, this is what the souls of the people looked like that I somehow imagined on some level that I saw spoke to way back, even though I couldn't see anyone, this is what their souls look like. And so there's a real— I mean, it's a beautiful feeling. It's hard to explain the feeling of like, wow, the manifestation of something I felt and envisioned way back. And so it's different. I wouldn't say it's better or not better. It's a humbling feeling. It's really humbling.

Resilience. It's the unsung hero in every success story that you will ever hear about. And in times of massive change and disruption, the kind of rapid change that we're all experiencing as leaders, as business owners, as entrepreneurs, we have to learn how to not only increase our own resilience, but that of our teams. So right now we have a powerful opportunity for you to find out just how resilient you are. Some years ago, my team and I created the resilience assessment that more than 5,000 business leaders across the globe have taken. And all you have to do to get your own free resilience leader assessment is go to resiliencerank.com. It takes less than 3 minutes and it's our gift to you for being the leader that you already are. Other free resources and tools will accompany your score instantly. So, go to resiliencerank.com and find out just how resilient you are. Visualizations can be so powerful. Remember when I began speaking and was Still practicing law at the time. And I was going to sleep at night with a visualization of myself in front of these large crowds of people. And the only thing— and I don't think I've— I don't believe I've ever shared this with any podcast that I can remember— I would visualize that my heart was sort of radiating this love and the color that was— that people in that audience were feeling this love and their hearts were radiating and were this purple shade. And I could see that their hearts, the color coming from their chest was purple and it was sort of just pulsing through. And that was a visualization I had before I went to sleep at night. And of course, spoken as you have to a lot of people around the world, and it's so different. I was being, as they say, cheeky because you're right, it's not— there's no way to compare the two things. It's not a better or worse thing, but it is different. And I think maybe a way to get into the content of your book is to say that lots of things that we want in our lives, that we aspire to, that we desire, even have a burning desire for, don't often look the way they look when we're envisioning them and visualizing them. And that's to say that often they manifest. I've known a lot of people who've created some pretty great visualizations for themselves. and have seen those things come to fruition, but they look different. They feel different.

Yeah.

And so the question is, you know, what do you do with that?

See, here's the thing. I think that visualization and this whole kind of creative manifestation process has to be held lightly because many times we think we know what we want and we go for what we want only to realize, oh shit, that's not what I really wanted. And, but it was a journey that we needed to go on. And so sometimes our capacity to visualize and perceive goals, dreams, desires is limited to the level of our current consciousness and our current evolution. And so from the current consciousness of our own ego structure in this particular moment, we aren't necessarily able to see the total infinite possibilities and tapestries of what life itself is really seeking to express through us. And so many times our— what we visualize and what we project onto life is based on Our personality, our conditioning, our past, our programming, our childhood, some of the things we visualize and dream about and want and design, what have you, ways to get certain unmet needs met that weren't met as a child. And we think, if I can be on stage, if I can do that thing, if I can win that Oscar, if I can drive that car, then I'm going to finally be enough. And so I think we have to be really careful. That's why for me, part of the book, part of the theme, part of kind of where I've come to in this moment is a shift. What I really want to invite people to is a shift in paradigm from a sort of ego persona, personal power way of living life, a drive of life that moves from what do I want? Because the very notion of I is actually limited in and of itself. It's an identity-based thing. To when we shift from that, and it doesn't mean we can't create an incredible life from the sense of I and ego and personal sense of self. We can create a good life. But what I'm inviting people to consider is I don't believe you can create a truly Great life. Great with a capital G. So the invitation I'm really kind of inviting people to consider is, rather than asking, what do I want? Opening to feeling, tuning into beyond oneself. What is it that life wants to express through me? What is it that when I surrender my idea of what my life should look like, my idea of who I should be, my idea of what the relationship should be, my idea of everything, and we stop trying to force life and controlled life to be what we think we think it should be, and we actually open our hearts to our soul, open ourselves to the deepest impulse that life is seeking to express and unfold through us, and kind of like tune into that, feel that, open to that, then I have found we tap into an infinite stream of energy, consciousness, power, and possibility that life is then able the fullness of life, the magic of life, the greatness of life, the infinite intelligence of life is then able to manifest itself through us. And that's when you look at people like Gandhi and Mother Teresa and Mandela, and they were able to— they surrendered themselves beyond themselves to life, to nature, and life was able to do through them more than they could ever have, I think, wrote in their goal list journal, more than they could ever put on the poster board. They opened to life and life used them, and that's when miracles happen. And so that's the whole idea of surrender, is— and the magic of surrender. Like, if you want the magic— when I say magic, magic is, you know, more joy, more abundance, more bliss, more relate, whatever the magic means to you. When you surrender, surrender is the path with the freedom. And people think that if I surrender I'm not going to get what I want. I'm actually saying, if you surrender, what if you got more?

Yeah. I think that's part of the thing that is a bit of a paradox, I suppose, that the wanting something, that burning desire, the way people visualize or think about, obsess even about what they want, that the pain that— or the suffering that often is associated with getting something, meaning seeing it through, like you visualize you want this thing and then it happens, but then you're still not happy, that you're still not— you don't feel fulfilled, or as you said earlier, you still don't feel worthy. Still didn't fill the gap that was left by your parents not loving you unconditionally or by life giving you, you know, some lemons to deal with, some bad hand to have to— The Surrender Experiment is a book I read some years ago by Michael Singer. And that concept of surrender, I think, is really— it's tough for people because I remember in the book, in that book, He basically was like, if people want to move on your land and pitch a tent, you know, you could surrender to— and he did in fact surrender to people sort of just pitching a tent or building a structure on his land. And I never really— I mean, I bought into it because I loved the book he read, The Untethered— wrote, The Untethered Soul. And then that part was a disconnect for me. So, I would love it if you would unpack now a little bit about your brand of surrender or the way that you distinguish—

I think we live in an infinitely valid but simultaneously contradictory reality inherent in the nature of life. And so the mind wants to hold on to this or that, you know, dualistic, this or that, that or this, this or that. And I think the real freedom in surrender is not in the this or the that, it's in the and. It's in the and, you know, it's, is it this, is it that? It's in the and. So surrender is not just passive. Surrender is stop trying to where you stop trying to force life to be a certain way. Surrender is, let's say, where you stop negotiating with life and negotiating your destiny. Surrender is the willingness to not know, to give up the need to know and follow the energy and follow the flow. And learning to follow the flow rather than, let's say, going to the ocean and trying to like make waves happen— you're feeling for the waves. But surrender doesn't mean laziness at the same time. You know, and so I believe surrender means you give 100% to the moment, you show up fully, you give 100%, you give everything going in, following your deepest truth, your most authentic, deepest truth in the moment, and yet not being attached to the outcome, not being attached to the, to the results. So there is an openness, there is a willingness, there is an openness. And so maybe that kind of, uh, journey of surrender worked for— was it Mickey Singer? Worked for him. But that doesn't necessarily— but we have to be careful to do is not to then attach to that way of being. Like, it worked for him, now I'm going to make that into a formula. And okay, here's my wife. You want to sleep with my wife? Sleep with my wife. My bank account? Have my bank account. You know, my kids? Yeah, you want to eat my kids for breakfast? Have my kids. Take them, sell them. To me, that's not necessarily surrender. Sometimes surrender means or if you see someone being, you know, a child being abused or a group of people being taken advantage of, just, just let whatever happen happen. Sometimes surrender means where you feel the deepest impulse of what life is moving through you. To me, this is the expression of love. Love is to follow the most authentic deep impulse that is moving through you. And sometimes love is sweet and, you know, cuddly, but sometimes love is fierce. Jesus went into the temple Right? And threw away all the money changers and, you know, crashed everything in the temple and destroyed everything because they were selling things. And so sometimes love is sweet, sometimes love is fierce. I believe love can look like— if we allow the impulse of love to flow through us, this is surrender— it can look like however it needs to look like in the moment to serve the highest evolution of everyone involved. And so we try to, to predict what's that going to look like. And I'm actually saying give up the need to know what that will look like, and even give up the need to know what surrender might look like in a particular— oh, surrender is 1, 2, 3. Every time I go into a situation, I do 1, 2, 3. And surrender is following the deepest truth in the moment, the deepest truth. in the moment, the most— which may not always be what you want to do, which may not always be what it was yesterday. It might look different from what it was yesterday. So the willingness to meet life innocently in the moment with a pure openness to, here I am in this moment, what is the most authentic impulse that's seeking to happen in this moment? To me, that is the real power of now, is to be in the moment To live in the moment, truly in the moment, from that deepest authentic place. So that might mean protesting. You know, that might mean taking someone to court. That might mean realizing, wait a second, I'm going to have to fight this person. That might mean turning the other cheek.

I think it's really beautiful about what you're expressing here too, Kute, is that it's, as you said, it's not either/or. It's both. It's and. So, it's not about scarcity that there's one path or even a formulaic path, but rather there's a path that is revealed in the moment.

In the moment.

If you are— and then I'd like to fill in the blank because you've already given us a lot of what I think is the meat on the bone there, but I still want people to understand how is a person to train themselves to be available in the moment to, as you said, meet life innocently, and then to be guided. Because if that were easy— first of all, people have to get your book to get more of what that looks like, The Magic of Surrender. Yes. And while I have you here and put you on the spot, this is not something that gets taught to most people in school.

It's not, because we're constantly conditioned. You know, for me, one of the ways I see that we like to control life is the constant need to know and understand what everything means. Yeah. The constant need to know and understand. What does this mean? What does this relationship mean? Where are we going? Where is this going? What's going to happen? What's going to happen in the future? Let me reach to the astrologer. Let me get the psychic. Let me try and predict. And so many times we are projecting and imposing and trying to figure out what everything means, and then we end up missing the true authentic meaning of what it really is. Because we're only able to understand— we're only able to discern the meaning of something based on where we're currently at in our consciousness right now. And there's many times where we might think we know what something means, but really we're not really understanding the true meaning of that situation or that relationship. And so I think it's important to just look at where we're constantly projecting in the moment, projecting into life— this means this, this means that— and just step back and say, okay, I don't need to know what this means.

We're sort of meaning-making machines. Is that right?

We're constantly making meaning. The challenge is a lot of the meaning we're making up about situations, about people, about a relationship, about what this is, is based on the conditioned state of our nervous system and programming from our entire life. And so look, every single experience that ever happens to us is stored in our nervous system. The nervous system is that antenna to the world. Information comes in and we are filtering reality through the current state of our nervous system. And so the nervous system is now making an interpretation about what something means to the best of its ability, which may not actually mean what it really is. It's just an interpretation that we're making up that may not be accurate. And so I think if we're willing to step back and say, okay, I don't need to know, I don't need to know, I don't need to know, let me just be. You know, it was Jesus said, be like a child. You know, be like a child, the innocence of a child. I don't need to know what this means. If we're then able to just be open, you know, because the moment we attach to this is what this is, we're now not truly open to life.

I want to test something with you because I gave some advice to one of our kids, actually our youngest daughter, the other day. So now I'm going to tell you what I said to her, and then I want you to tell me,

you

know, off base or on, right? So I said to our daughter Eden that the answers are always within us. So when you say not release that need or let go of that need to know, I think that that is if you don't have a need to know, if there isn't this sort of neediness to constantly—

To hold, yeah, to hold on to something. This is what it is. This is what it is. What I would say is—

For safety, obviously, for security. We know why.

For safety, for security, but we end up limiting. And so I think it's important that we cultivate a curiosity. Now that doesn't mean, oh, what do you mean, Adam? We just sit there and just watch TV and do nothing? No, you move in the direction. You move in a direction that is most authentic. Many times we're constantly saying, well, why, why, why, why, why? And we're mentally going in a direction or taking the action that is often fear-based, and we're going in directions that aren't necessarily authentically aligned. I'm saying go in the direction that is authentic, make the decision that is authentic, even though you don't understand where it's going to lead you, go in that direction. There is an intelligence because then you're following the energy that is not coming from your mind or conditioning, and then you cultivate a curiosity. So you feel and you go in the direction and you look around. life will start to meet you, and life will start to reveal to you what's needed next, because then you are in the flow. Then you're in the flow. And when you're in the flow, things start happening that you can't explain. That's when I've seen the magic happen. That's when I've seen miracles happen. And that's kind of the invitation.

So you're sort of following these breadcrumbs?

Following the breadcrumbs, following the energy Following the energy, that's not something you're making up in your mind. Like sometimes people say, well, why are you doing that? And I'll say, I don't know why. So I've given up the need to know why are you going there. I don't know why I'm going there. Why are you— I don't know why. For instance, my intuition guided me to spend a few days in Miami. I've stopped questioning why. That's the question of what I don't need to know. And all I do now is I just follow and obey. Something's pushing me. This is not my mind. So I'm going to take the questioning mechanism out. There's an intelligence. The same intelligence that's bringing this impulse to my conscious awareness is the same intelligence that's breathing me, breathing you, breathing 8 billion people, is the same intelligence that's functioning the sun, the star, the moon, is the same intelligence of all existence. Who the hell am I to question this intelligence? You know, I don't like— so I stopped questioning and I just say, okay, let me just take a step. I'm going to go to Miami for 4 days. That's it. Go to Miami for 4 days. All this amazing, strange, synchronistic stuff just happened that I could not have planned. And then something said, come back to Miami, the same something, for a month. This is not Kute making it up, like, yes, do this, and a plan. No logic. Come back to Miami for a month. After I'm in Miami for a month, after a week, I found this great loft. Something says, move to Miami. Next thing, everything starts falling into place. Boom! Here I am now. Had I heard something say move to Miami months ago, I would have said hell no. So sometimes the universe doesn't show us everything up front because either we're not ready for it yet, we wouldn't be open to it yet. And so I think we just have to just take a step. Life and our purpose reveals to us what's needed as we take a step. The challenge is many of us, we don't take the step. We're trying to figure out our entire life purpose upfront, but we don't go in a direction. We don't take a step. Take a step.

Wow. The pace of change over the last couple of years has been rapid. And if you're a leader, a business owner, an entrepreneur, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Every day it's something different and something new. But the one thing that I've learned in performing at the height of all of those roles has been that We must be resilient. In fact, it's the unsung hero in every success story that you will ever hear about. And it's the reason why my team and I created the resilience assessment that more than 5,000 business leaders across the globe have taken. And all you have to do to get your own free resilient leader assessment is go to resiliencerank.com. It takes less than 3 minutes, and it's our gift to you. you for being the leader that you already are. Other free resources and tools will accompany your score instantly. So, go to resiliencerank.com and find out just how resilient you are. I don't know if this is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs or what, but this is what I said. This was the other thing I said to Eden. I go, the future is none of your business. Now, this is a kid in college. So I said to her, if you could live somehow— and I'm not saying you don't plan to save money, think about intelligent investing. And, you know, I wasn't suggesting to her just give up all thoughts of the future. But if you took the approach, at least on a philosophical level, that the future is really none of your business, how much creativity or presence would that free up for you in the moment?

Right. It's so— look.

I mean, we know the past is none of our business. That much we need to get through our—

But I think you're absolutely— at least spiritually, philosophically, it's true. Like, we have lost touch with this innate intelligence that is life. I mean, people will— how do I trust life? I'll look at you and I say, how can you not trust it? Look around. Like, like, every breath that we take is living proof of life's power, of life's grace, of the trustability of life. Right now, you and I, we've been breathing. Breathe. We're not sitting here going, doing some special breath technique going— it's just happening, you know. If we just pay attention to nature— we've lost touch with nature in our hyper, so-called technologized world. We've become disconnected with the fact that you and I We are a part of nature. If we look out at nature every day, the sun shines. Every day the moon rises. I don't know about you, bro, but I can't remember the last day in my entire life that the sun didn't rise and at 10:00 AM it was pitch black and we say, well, what happened to the sun? It just forgot today to come out. Every day there is a rhythm, there is a flow, there are the seasons, and every day it happens for billions of years. this same intelligence. So if we just start paying attention to nature, the trees, the sun, the laws of life, if we start paying attention to just our body and the trillions— sounds simple, but the trillions and trillions and trillions of processes that are happening in our body in spite of us, something, something is happening.

And the nature of all those things, Kudus, change. Right? That's the common denominator, the constant. If— and it's a bit of an oxymoron, but the constant is change.

Change, yeah.

So if the nature of nature is that everything changes, how ironic is it that the fear that we're talking about, the thing that people are holding on to, this sort of white-knuckling life because you have to know—

Yes.

What's going to happen a minute from now and 10 minutes— it's as though you're wrestling with life itself.

you won't win. You know, if we're going to take that wrestling metaphor, life is the ultimate heavyweight champion. We won't win against life. It's impossible, you know. And, and yet it's understandable, you know. It's understandable.

Surrender to change, to meaning, to just accept the fact that change is going to happen constantly.

All the time. Surrender to that. Change is the nature of life. Life is a process of continual evolution. And that's just how it is. We are here to evolve and life doesn't really care about comfort or convenience. Life just cares about evolution. If we can surrender to that and realize, well, okay, let me let go to that, then as change is happening, then I think we're much more able to participate.

Right. Because that's not formula now. This is not the classic, here's your 3 steps to whatever. This is philosophical. But what is life? And you talked about Jim Rohn, I think earlier. Jim Rohn was famous for philosophy. What's your philosophy? This is the thing that guides your steps on the path of your life, whether that's a spiritual philosophy or path or it's something other than that. So, what you just laid out is so, I think, tangible and important, Kute, because if you just were willing to surrender to the fact that life is constant change, and therefore, when change happens— It's natural. When you see it or when you Anticipate it instead of feeling the fear of it and trying to control it or stop it.

This is life.

You could do something else with it.

Breathe.

I heard you say earlier you could be curious about it.

Yes, yes.

You could lean into curiosity.

It's like being in the ocean. You know, if you go into the ocean, it's— there's waves. It's just the nature of the ocean. Otherwise, imagine going to the ocean and just moaning, groaning, and like Why are there waves in the ocean? It's just the nature of the ocean.

Yeah, I want it to be flat.

That's not how it is. You know, I think there's moments in our life where we evolve and we outgrow the current level of our life, the current structures of our life. And there comes a moment in life where the life that we've created and set up for ourselves is actually too small for what our soul is seeking to become. And I always say the next level of our life always really requires the next level of us. And that requires letting go of what is not aligned, letting go of the situations and the identities and the people that aren't aligned. And that can be a bit of a scary process because we often get identified to the person we've become. We often get identified with what we have created. We get identified to the success we have. We get identified with certain people in our life. And It's scary to let go, but this is the process. Yet, so what we tend to do in those moments is we hold on, but holding on actually keeps us stuck. And so— The

caterpillar that says, I'm going to stay a caterpillar. I'm pretty content on this leaf right here.

But we were born to fly, you know? Okay. In those moments, let me see if I can lay out a few phases. In those moments where change is happening, actually even before change is happening, I mean, change is always happening, But the first stage might be we're living in denial. We're just, you know, we're in denial. We really know we're living unconsciously. We don't even know that. We're not even really aware that things need to change, at least consciously. So we're just in denial. That's one way to stay stuck. Then maybe we start becoming aware that some things aren't quite working. I think I need to change, but we're still a little bit afraid to change because we're afraid of the consequences. So we start moving into a zone of resistance, and the ego starts resisting as a self-preservation tactic. So we start resisting in some way. Then we move into— we begin negotiating with life. Well, maybe I can keep this but not do that. I can do that, you know, maybe that relationship, maybe they have potential. So, so we start negotiating with life as a way to keep ourselves stuck. One of the things we, we do in those moments is we lie to ourselves, you know. So I'd ask everyone to just sit with what lies am I telling myself and really feel the cost of that. Then we move into maybe a realization of no matter how much we negotiate, life doesn't change. Things are the same. We're the same. Our partner's the same. The situation is the same. Then we move to a level of acceptance. We start accepting what is. You know, we often hear the term accept what is. It's beautiful. We bring ourselves into relationship with what's happening. The thing though is acceptance is not necessarily surrender. And most people stop at the level of acceptance. You can be accepting a situation or a person, but internally still not be at peace. You can be accepting a situation or something, but internally still have the judgment that the experience I'm having is not the experience I should be having. I should be having some other experience. Like if it's raining outside, you can be like, shit, it's raining outside. I'm pissed off it's raining outside. You take the umbrella, be moaning and groaning that it's raining outside and still not be fully surrendering to the fact it's raining. So surrender really is the wholehearted participation. It's the open-hearted participation with the process of life that is unfolding, because you realize 2 things. The first thing you realize is everything that happens is for your highest good. The universe is always working for your evolutionary highest good. That's one.

So that's foundational.

That's foundational, where you realize, look, if it's not this, then I believe the universe is clearing things out to bring you something better. That is key. You know, that is key. And so surrender too, I think, is possible when you realize, when you remember that I think that the deeper spiritual purpose of life is we incarnate as souls to grow and evolve. Every single experience in our life is a vehicle and a classroom for our soul's growth and evolution. And when we really get that, then surrender is the willingness, even if it's difficult, even if it's challenging, even if it's not easy, To open your heart to fully participate with the evolutionary lesson and gift inherent in every single situation. When we realize that it doesn't matter what happens, it's about our evolution, then even though it's difficult, it makes it a bit easier to surrender to, let me go for the lesson in this relationship. Let me go for this lesson in this betrayal. What can I learn? Why did I attract this situation? Why did my soul attract this situation? What am I here to learn from this person?

Rather than, why does this always happen? I'm just

Yes, rather than—

You see the difference in questions, right? That people will ask, why does this always happen to me? Why am I a victim yet again?

Why did this happen to me? And then staying stuck in the right-wrong victim game. And instead going underneath that to focus on the evolutionary gift. You surrender the victimhood to the evolutionary lesson. In any situation, I have found if you go for the soul evolutionary lesson, no matter what happened on the surface, you always win. You always win.

Absolutely.

But you might say, but Adam, that person did this and that person did that. It's not your job to— it's not your job to repay someone's karma. You learn your lesson and you will then transcend that lesson and as a result graduate to the next level and attract a whole other level of situation and experience. Surrender is the wholehearted participation where you're like, it's raining outside and let's go run naked in the rain, let's play with the kids in the rain, let's, let's have an intimate dinner, get like, like you're fully participating. The challenge though, between acceptance and surrender, there is a stage that most people miss, and it is grieving. It is the stage of grieving. You see, surrender is a death. It's a death of an old identity. It's a death of an old belief system. It's a death of an old way of being. It's a death of who you thought you were. It's a death of a certain stage of your life. And so to truly surrender requires a level of willingness on a human level to surrender to your humanity to grief. I think by not fully surrendering to the grieving sometimes in an effort to stay positive, in an effort to not feel, in an effort to be in control, we sometimes don't fully allow ourselves to feel the grief, to release the grief, so that we can really let go and open to the authentic open-hearted surrender. And so I think grieving is a really important phase that opens us to surrender. We move into surrender, then we move into the last stage or phase, we'll call it, which is the flow or the magic. And that's when the magic happens.

This whole— I'm hesitant to call it a process, but just what you've outlined feels like how it is that you develop resilience, how you cultivate resilience in your existence. Now, I just used a word that's one that we talk about a lot on this show, but it's also a part of my own body of work. So I'd love to get a sense of when you hear the word resilience, what comes up for you? How do you define it? I mean, you've given us a really deep exploration of what I would call resilience.

Okay. You know, I'm not a resilience expert like you, but I would say that I think resilience is the realization and the belief and the understanding that what you are at your core, who you are, what you are, is more powerful than any fleeting experience that happens in your life. That experiences come, experiences go. Situations come, situations go. Moods come, moods go. And that you aren't any of those things, that what you really are is an unchanging beingness that is unshakable, unbreakable. To me, that is the core of resilience.

You just literally expressed the through line for our new book that comes out later this year called Get this, change-proof. And you just defined what it means to be change-proof there, my friend.

Nice, nice.

That's brilliant. Wonderful. Thank you. Tell us, the book is coming out May 4th, of course. It's called The Magic of Surrender.

Yes. We have time, by the way. We have time. We're good on time.

Oh, beautiful. Terrific. So I'd love it if your highest aspiration for people who are going to engage with this book— is there a specific audience that it is meant for? Is it more that it's a book That is for a particular time in your life. I'd love to just get a sense of who is really going to be the quintessential audience.

My aspiration for this book is that I really believe that when I look at the great ones— Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Mandela, Muhammad Ali, Bruce Lee, Malala, Greta, you know, Oprah— I think at a certain point they all, they're just human beings like you and I. You know, they just showed us the possibility of what we are all capable of as human beings in our ability to love, in our ability to persevere, in our ability to vision. So they're no different than you and I. Many times we look at these people, oh, they're so special. No, no, no, no, that is an abdication and a cop-out. We all have that capacity. And so to me, the key to their greatness was in the fact they surrendered. And so for me, my invitation through this book is to open that bigger dimension of life that is inside of us for every single human being, every single person that feels a calling, a calling to make a difference, a calling to impact humanity in some way. Doesn't have to be, you know, on the Gandhi level, that if you feel an inkling, a desire that you're here for something more an inkling, a desire that there is something you want to give or share or create or express on the planet, then that's really who I want to reach, you know.

So I may be reaching here by, you know, saying this, but what's coming up for me is that there's this battle sometimes, at least I'll speak for myself here, that there's a battle often between my heart and my head.

Yes.

That my head will say something, my heart will feel differently about it. I will have an emotional reaction to something, but my logical mind will say something else. So when you say to surrender, on some level, are we saying that we're surrendering to that knowing that I would say is deep in our subconscious that we call our heart's knowing or, you know, our heart's wisdom? People always say follow your heart, but I don't know that everybody knows exactly what that means. Is it surrendering to our heart? Is it surrendering to curiosity?

It is surrendering to life, surrendering to life, life which is what we essentially are, this stream of— it's surrendering,

which is constant expansion,

constant expansion, you know, constant change. Surrendering to life, surrendering to being lived by life, you know. I think that's the magic.

Yeah.

The great ones all got to the point And this is what made them great. They all got to the point where they realized that my life is not just my life. My dream is not just my dream. See, I believe for every single person, big or small, your dreams don't just belong to you. If you think that your dreams are yours, that's when the ego gets really involved.

Who wants to own it?

It wants to own it. Then it gets freaked out. Then it starts questioning, and can I? Is it possible? Oh my God, what if it doesn't work? What if I'm gonna I have to protect

it.

All this stuff starts. What will people think? And, you know, all of that. But when you realize that the dream doesn't belong to you, it belongs to life, that dream chose you because every single thing in your life makes you the perfect person. And if you realize that dream chose you, then encoded in that dream is also the seed for its fulfillment. Then the dream is life's way. The dream is an impulse of life seeking to express itself through you.

Through you.

Through you. So if it's not yours, then it's life's. And you're just— you and I, we are— if we really understand that we are just for which life, which we are really part of, through which life can express itself through, then we realize that we are not the doer. When we really understand that I, I am not— The doer. the doer, then something can open and drop away. I am not the doer. Like, I don't know if I said this earlier, but Jesus, you know, who performed the miracles, you know, there's never once where he says, yo, yo, I'm Jesus, I did all these miracles, it's me, Adam, I am the great Jesus. Right. The secret to Jesus and his miracles was he would say, it's not I, this I identity— Adam, Kute, Paul, Peter, Jim, John, Susie, Oprah— it's not I that does the work. It is the Father, life, consciousness, the Father, be that does the work through me. And I think when we surrender our sense of doerness, when we show up and we're willing to say, universe, I feel this vision, I feel this dream, I don't even know how I'm going to do it, I don't even know if I'm worthy of doing it, but I feel it in my heart, I say yes to it. Here's the secret. Use me. Use me to fulfill this vision. I'm open. I'm available. And I'm willing. That's when life will use us in ways that we cannot imagine. I've seen it in my own life over and over again. I've seen miracles happen that I can't claim credit for. And I've seen it in other people's life. And I think it's available to us all.

It's just beautiful. There's very little I want to say beyond this. I think, Kuthumi, you've just expressed it in such a clean way. There's a lot of spiritual principle in what you've shared, and you said it in ways that I think maybe people haven't necessarily heard it before. I think you've made it accessible. And through the book, I assume— I haven't read it because I haven't gotten a copy of it yet, but will, of course. And it's in pre-order now? I didn't even ask.

Yes, it's available for pre-order now.

Beautiful.

People can go to themagicofsurrender.com and Order the book and get some free gifts. And

we'll have, you know, show notes that go along with this episode, and we'll send it out as well. So that's wonderful. I wanted to ask you, you mentioned Bruce Lee earlier.

Yeah,

there's so many places that we could track to in what you just said. I did want to just say this, this idea that we're constantly trying to own things. I'm only bringing this up because it came through me as I was traveling back from the YMCA where I'd been swimming Before our— the first start of this show. And I was thinking in the car about ownership and how it is that we are so— and I am at times caught up in this concept of ownership. But in this instance, I was actually just thinking about how— and that was sort of overlapped with that idea of, you know, what surrender might look like if somebody decided to just come and camp out in your yard. And, you know, to walk outside and to say, hey, this is my land. You're trespassing. I think it was because actually I was driving past— we live on this part of the year, we live on this island, and there was a no trespassing sign. It really, you know, like a posted sign, and it bothered me. There's no coincidence about it that you and I were going to be speaking and this was going to come up, but it triggered me in a sort of a way that this concept of how it is that we put these signs up and we create these boundaries and these fences and all these things that we We say we own, that I would say we pretend that we own. And maybe if we were somehow able to surrender some of that egoic ownership of everything from our freaking house and car and land and every other possession, that we might actually be able to surrender to life living us the way you just described.

I want to make clear one thing that—

And I'm not a socialist or a communist.

Yes, no, no. Just to be clear where I'm coming from. Good point, because here's what scares people from surrender, okay? And this is why I wanted to tackle the concept, is people are afraid to surrender because they think, wow, surrender means living in the Himalayas, giving up everything,

right? Cross-legged and—

Yeah, but with robes. But like, that means do I have nothing? Do I have nothing? No cell phone, no possessions, no car? Just— I want to say that is not necessarily surrender. Having no possessions, yeah, ultimately we own nothing, we come with nothing, we take nothing. we go through existence. The real surrender is not about— surrender is not simply about form and structure. True surrender is an inner state of being. True surrender is in your relationship with life. And so in a sense, it's not about what you have, what you don't have. It is about your relationship with what you have and what you don't have, and how free you are inside of yourself about it. Because You can have nothing, no house, no car, no— not just be like on the street, have nothing, and inside of yourself be so attached to wanting things. But you could have everything. You could be, you know, a billionaire. You know, I know certain billionaires, and honestly, Adam, they're some of the most— one of them is the most surrendered person, people I know, because truly he doesn't give a about anything he has. He could have it, he could not have it. Like, he truly— like, I've hung out with him, he doesn't care. And so even though he has possessions and owns things, because of his internal relationship, it doesn't own him. And there's a freedom in that that is beautiful to see. So surrender, I think, is an inner state of being. Then And then instead of being realizing those things aren't who you are, those things don't define who you are, none of that's who you are, doesn't add to you, doesn't take away from you. What you are is an infinite stream of consciousness. What you are is eternally free. What you are is freedom itself. When we surrender to that and realize we're not just this body, this name, this form, this, this projection, this personality, this reputation—

This gender, this color, this religion.

When we surrender those layers, then we realize I'm eternal. I'm free. What I am is infinite. Then there is the freedom to have it or not have it.

I really hope you're enjoying this episode of the Change Proof Podcast. If you've not yet gone out and gotten your own copy of Change Proof, it's not too late. You can get your copy right now by going to changeproof.com and not only getting the book and all the bonuses there, but getting access to our proprietary resilience assessment tool. It'll just take you 3 minutes to do, and it's something that will really help you to utilize the book even more effectively to create practices and rituals and habits that will increase your mental Again, go to changeproof.com to get your copy today. So, here's my question for you about Bruce Lee.

Yes.

When Bruce Lee said, be like water, Koot, is that what he's talking about?

Yes. That's surrender. There's an interview when Bruce Lee— it's called The Lost Interview— and he's like, be like water. You put water into a teacup, it becomes a teacup. You put water into a glass, it becomes a glass. You've got to flow. This is surrender. Surrender. You flow. But beware, don't think that water's weak. Water can kill you. Water can erode a mountain. Water is powerful. So we've got to flow. We've got to flow. There is a quote from the Tao Te Ching. Tao Te Ching. I'm going to butcher the quote, but it's kind of what Bruce Lee, I think, was alluding to. It talks about something like doing nothing, or when you do nothing, even though you do nothing, everything is done. Life is doing through you. Life did through Jesus. Life did through Buddha. Life did through all the, you know, Mahatma Gandhi. Life will do through you. That is true, truly tapping into.

So, it's interesting, right, Kute? Because people say this, and I know we're wrapping up here, but it's just so beautiful to follow these breadcrumbs that you're leaving for us here. People will say, do you. And it bothers me. I don't love that whole expression, do you. But it's interesting because you could just make a slight pivot on that expression and say, do life.

Yes.

Let life do you.

Let life do you.

And that's different.

That's different because do you, the question becomes, who are you? All

about you again.

Who is the you that you're doing?

Yep.

Because many times the you that we're doing is really just the idea or the egoic idea of the you. Then you do you, but it may not be authentic. Yeah. Let life do you is beautiful.

Love it, my friend. Love it. I had an interview with Hal Dwoskin, and we know Hal from TLC, but he's— for folks that don't recognize the name, was the— the Sedona Method's one of his books and body of work for 4 decades or whatever. He said something at the end of our interview that I thought was pretty cool, and I was hesitating there because the Sedona Method was born out of Lester Levinson. So he doesn't take, you know, Hal doesn't take ownership of the Sedona Method in its entirety, you know, like we all are. We just we're remembering. You know, I think Plato said all learning is remembering. We're all standing on the shoulders of everybody that came before us. But he said this— I want to thank you for everything you said and sort of bring it to a point here with saying, I love what is as it is. This was his quote, because I asked him about this phrase that is written on my sweatshirt. For those of you watching on YouTube and those of you who are listening, it's— I've got a sweatshirt that says I love my life, this hoodie. And we were just chatting about it, and he said, I love What is as it is. And I think again, it's so— that aligns so harmoniously with everything you've been sharing with us today, Kuth, what surrender is really about.

Yes.

To love your life, to love life in many ways is simply to love what is as it is. And as you said, it doesn't mean you walk past a drowning person.

You

don't walk past a child being abused. You don't walk past Things that your heart calls you or that life guides you to do something about.

Yes, yes.

But to love life as it is, is, well, it's peaceful. It's bliss. It's a blessing. You're a blessing, my friend. Thank you.

Thank you for having me.

Yeah. What a tremendous gift. So, everybody that has not yet already run out to get their copy of The Magic of Surrender, do that. There'll be show notes with all the details. If you've got questions or comments for Kuth or myself, please Please feel free to leave those comments at adammarkel.com/podcast. Of course, if you know someone that would really benefit from listening to the insights that Kooch shared today, please feel free to share this episode with a friend. And as always, we love to get your feedback as well. I'll just say ciao for now. And again, Kooch, thanks so much.

Thanks for listening. We hope you now have even more tools and greater insights to build resilience and become change-proof. Remember to leave a review on Apple Podcasts, and you may be featured in an upcoming episode. For more resilience tips and strategies, including support for building change-proof teams, visit adammarkel.com. To get your own free resilience assessment, go to rankmyresilience.com.