The Human Experience: Spirit Of The Holidays, Personal Challenges, And More (Special Holiday Solocast)

Life happens, and not always the way we expect it to. Every single day we face change, stress, and uncertainty. What if you could learn to thrive no matter what life throws your way? Resilience expert Adam Markel and his inspiring guests explore breakthrough strategies to fully embrace change and build the resilience required to become change-proof. Hey there, everyone.

Welcome to another Welcome to another episode of the Change Proof Podcast. I'm your host, Adam Markel, and I'm also gonna be the guest today. I'm gonna sit in the hot seat myself. Maybe I'm gonna interview myself. I'm gonna imagine some of the questions, some of the things, the concerns, the things that are on your mind, the things that are on your heart today, wherever it is in the world that you are consuming this, whether you're riding in a car, you're walking or running or in the gym, or you're at the office, or You're lying in bed, wherever it is this moment that you're listening to my voice. I'm going to imagine that we are collaborating on the content for today's show. It's going to be a shorter version because it's a solo cast. So typically when I'm interviewing someone, I don't even know where the time goes. We typically target 30 to 40 minutes, and sometimes it goes a little bit longer because the conversations are really interesting and because it is unexpected. We don't plan for where those discussions lead. We just sort of follow the breadcrumbs. We let things unfold in a really natural and organic way, they tend to go a little bit longer. I have a sense of some of the things that are on my heart to share with you today. This podcast is going to be released right around the holidays, and I know that for many of us, the holidays are both a wonderful time. They can be a time of great joy. I know that's the intention. I know that's really what's behind so much of the gatherings and the celebrations that occur at this time of the year. I know it's also a time of some challenge for folks. And it has been for me in the past at times as well. Challenges in many forms. It could be that family and being around family trigger old emotions, create and even leave a space for reliving some past hurts or traumas, things in the past that have caused us some level of pain. I know that arguments can spring up. It's as if as soon as we are— no matter how far along the path we are, as soon as we get in the presence of people that know us from the time when we're just kids, we tend to sometimes act like kids or they act like kids, and then it triggers us to respond in a very like manner. So it, it can feel like regressive time as much again as we look forward to those, hopefully look forward to the company of people from our past, people that we love, friends, family, close family, intimate loved ones, and, and all that can bring us to a place where we just, we go, I thought I was past that. I thought I forgave those things or have moved to a place where I'm more mature now, or I'm less reactive and I'm able to take a breath, pause before I speak or before I respond to something. And yet in the moments that we are surrounded by those people that we know for many years, we just become little kids again, or we become former what We might think of as a former version of ourselves that we left behind and that we have evolved beyond. Resilience. It's the unsung hero in every success story that you will ever hear about. And in times of massive change and disruption, the kind of rapid change that we're all experiencing as leaders, as business owners, as entrepreneurs, we have to learn how to not only increase our own resilience, but that of our teams. So right now, we have a powerful opportunity for you to find out just how resilient you Some years ago, my team and I created the Resilience Assessment that more than 5,000 business leaders across the globe have taken. And all you have to do to get your own free Resilient Leader Assessment is go to resiliencerank.com. It takes less than 3 minutes, and it's our gift to you for being the leader that you already are. Other free resources and tools will accompany your score instantly. So go to resiliencerank.com and find out just how resilient you are. So I will say frankly, I can think back to prior gatherings in my own family, my own household, with my own parents and with other members of my family where I was, yeah, just became that angry 20-something-year-old that I was not so long ago, but a while ago. And it's not that I can't remember that person. It's that I don't live that way. I don't live like that person on a regular basis, on a routine basis anymore. And yet that person is still inside of me. And it's remarkable that there's still those— all of the earlier versions are still inside of me. It's like if we were to pick up our cell phone, maybe we're up to version 13 or version 14 of an operating system or a piece of hardware, a computer or something else. And yet All the older versions, once you update that software on that cell phone, for example, the earlier version, I believe, isn't there anymore. It's not like you're gonna get that old screen or some of the features will slow down or disappear because the earlier versions didn't have them, or the camera isn't gonna be as sharp and the resolution not as clear. But that's not the case. You update the phone or you update the software on your computer and The earlier version has been overwritten, if you will, by that newer software. But it is not the way our operating system works. And I know that it would be nice if I could say this is an analogous situation and we're very much like that the way our software runs, but we're not. This is something that I cover pretty extensively in the book that came out just a few months back, Change Proof. We talk about our change-proof software and our change-proof hardware and what it means to develop resilience and resiliency. And the fact of the matter is that all of the earlier versions of us, the V.1 to the V.27 that you might be up to now, or the V.57 that you might be up to right now, all of the earlier versions, V.33 and V.26 and all of them, Are still part of us. They're still inside of us. They're still in our DNA. They're still in our cellular DNA, the cellular memory. I think it was Edison that said that all cells think. That is quite a statement even today, let alone 100 years ago, to think that our cells have memory, to think that our cells think and can recall. Not almost instantly, instantly what we were previously thinking or what we were previously experiencing. That's why certain things can trigger us and bring us back to that moment. And we think, how on earth is it that I could be the age I am at right now? And yet something that I experienced when I was 7 years old or I was 11 or I was 16 is so fresh in my cellular memory in the moment when triggered. And it can be triggered by a person's voice or the tone of their voice, by a smell, something that we associate with a prior memory, by music. Often is the case that music can bring us back. It's like one of those wonderful things. It's like a magic carpet that transports us. And I'm a massive lover, fan of music for that purpose, for that reason that it can take us and transport us consciously. But I'm talking about the times when we're around people in the holidays and unconsciously, without our choosing, without deciding that I wanna re-experience something that caused me discomfort previously, that all of a sudden, because someone says something or because something's being cooked and we smell the same smell or The music that's playing is playing again, and it brings us back to that moment in time where someone speaks to us in a way and with a tone that brings us back to that prior time in our lives. And then it's as if no time has elapsed at all and our evolution never actually occurred. It's like time traveling back to 8 years old, and then you're there. And feeling it and experiencing it and reliving it in many ways and reacting in the same way or similar ways to the way that you did then. Or perhaps when that was occurring in that time, maybe you were even silent because you didn't have a voice to respond or to react or to object or to defend or protect yourself. And now all of a sudden, it's as if you're reliving it again. And this is the moment, the moment in time that you're going to finally Finally, do something about it. And all of that, as you can feel as I'm explaining it, can be just so draining, so exhausting emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually. Just something that can really take us to a dark place and can leave us kind of flat on our backs for longer than a moment. And I just want you to know that we understand, because we collectively Humanity, we all have experienced this and do experience it. And on some level, I think we get it. I just want you to know today that I get it. And I'm saying to you that I hear that. I see that in my own experience, and I know that it's universal. So I see it in yours and I hear it in yours. And I want you to know, and I hope this does not ring hollow in any way, that I am holding space. What we'll talk about in the next moment, what we do ahead of that. Or even if it's already occurred. But I'm holding space for each and every one of you. And not just for each and every one of you. I so appreciate that you are a part of our community and that you are listening to this. Of course, in my own practice in the morning and when I'm conscious of it, like I am in this moment, I'm holding that space for everyone, for our entire, our world, our universe, for all humanity, and for All living things and all creations, because this is a part of a collective evolution that we learn how to advance beyond that place where we regress. And regression is not a bad thing. It's not a thing that you can't handle. You're already resilient. I hope our research and our work in the world that we do, primarily in speaking here in, in a podcast format and elsewhere when I'm privileged to be on stages and speak to audiences, mostly of business leaders and organizations. I hope that this work is making a difference. I know it's made a difference for me and for people that I get to see and follow up with and the people who've taken our resilient leader assessment, things like that, where we get to see the tangible ripple effect of it. So my hope is that the work is making a difference. But in this moment, I know that we absolutely have choices to evolve beyond, to do better than we have. And I mean that again, individually, myself first and foremost, and as a collective society, community, world, universe, et cetera. And I have a sense for me of what doing better looks like. And that's part of what I wanted to do today was to share in this format, just me with you, some of what has worked for me to become more resilient mentally, emotionally, physically. And even spiritually. And again, when I say spiritually, I mean the practices that help me to feel aligned inside, whole and congruent and on purpose. So we regress in many ways because it's our habit to regress. And that habit is something that has been perpetual. It's been with us. It was formed early on in life and has continued to perpetuate itself Over time, which is why it should be no great surprise. It should be no wonder that when we get in environments that trigger us, that give us an opportunity to regress, that we go there very easily, almost instantly. As I say, our cells have a memory, and that memory, when activated, it's like no time or space even has elapsed. You're just right back in the thick of it. So what can we do about it, I guess, is the question that I'm getting to and the one that I would imagine you're asking yourself. And that's the one that I want to answer, or at least provide some opportunity for answer. We have this habit of repressing our emotions. I'll give you a great example that I read recently of a child as in an age 1 Plus years old, 12, 13, 14 months old, that was carrying on having kind of fits and tantrums. We all maybe don't remember what we were like when we used to be a baby, an infant, or a toddler, and we'd have these fits. But we've seen them. We've seen a kid have a tantrum. And in this family, when this was going on, it was very disruptive, very disturbing. Parents didn't know what to do, and they asked someone for advice. And that person said, well, just take some ice water and just sort of spray it in the child's face when they're having one of these out-of-control tantrums and see what happens. It should stop. And sure enough, that's what they did. They just sort of sprayed cold water in the face of this child every time the child was having a fit and a tantrum. And sure enough, it worked. The kid stopped having these tantrums because the cold water in the face was just worse than whatever that child was experiencing in the moment that was causing the tantrum. The issue with that, of course, is that child grows up and when feeling emotions like anger and sadness, frustration, resentment, anxiety, as that child becomes older and is no longer a child, learns that those emotions have a consequence that is unwelcome and represses those emotions from what was learned, what was imparted early on. Not all of us have had that experience. In fact, most of us haven't ever experienced that. And yet it is a very common part of the human experience to see emotions as dangerous. And many in our world, in our homes, in our families, in the places where we go to school. Early on, we learned that sadness, anger, outbursts where we were expressing or trying to express our emotions were not met with a great deal of patience, weren't met with acceptance. And we're often in many households and in many schools is actually met with the equivalent of that cold water in the face, whether it was somebody that told you to shut it down or placed you in timeout or put you in the corner or did other things. Perhaps even there was physicality involved when a tantrum was happening, when you were carrying on, when you were expressing yourself in some way because there was something that you were feeling that felt bad and it was seeking Some expression, and when we were shown to seek that, to express ourselves in that way was not acceptable, then we stopped doing it. And again, this is so common that people who are, and often we see this with folks who are high achievers, often people that are perfectionists or perfectionistic, or people that want to do the right thing, or people that want to succeed. In their lives and succeed in their business pursuits and in their pursuits as parents, as partners. Often people that are looking to accomplish much in life and are very hard on themselves are the kind of people that repress their emotions even more than others. Because one of the things that we learn is that in not showing our emotions, we're better able to cope. That child that's having a tantrum. Or that 14-year-old that's acting out in class, or that 20-year-old that's skipping class or driving after having been drinking, or any of the other behaviors that we see that people— where it's obvious that to cope with life and to cope with the stress and the pressures, whether they're in school or they're in work or they're at home or they're just in dealing with other people that the best thing that you can do to cope is to keep your emotions in check so that people can't see them, or that the bad emotions, the emotions that make you feel as though you're out of control, that those emotions in particular are dangerous and should be kept away. In the long run, what that habitual repression of our emotions does Is it creates this opportunity for those difficult feelings, often feelings that we have repressed for so long that we don't even recognize that they're there. Often they're not even something that we're conscious about, that we're angry about something or that we have resentment about something. It could be someone that's had children, and those children take so much time, so much effort to take care of. And you wouldn't ever imagine that a parent that loves their child or loves their children and takes such good care and is a perfectionist about that, is so intent on doing that job so impeccably well that with all that pressure to do that, that there's underneath it subconsciously a layer of resentment or a layer of anger even at those children for the fact that so much has to be given to them in the pursuit of being that good parent or that perfect parent. So there's so many examples where this shows up, where over the course of many years, we just learn it's kind of a life skill to just tamp our emotions down below the surface. And ultimately what happens is those emotions that are even subconscious that we're not in touch with anymore, they seek to express themselves. Or actually what happens is our mind seeks to defend ourselves and keep those things hidden from view. And the way that it often manifests is that we become physically unwell, that there are things that happen physically to us that are more the result of these emotions that have long been repressed and suppressed. And to keep us from feeling those emotions, we need a great defense mechanism and a great distraction. And often Those distractions manifest in things like backaches, lower backache, or shoulder pain, or headaches, or migraines, or skin issues like psoriasis or other things that are, are skin related, or stomach challenges, irritable bowel syndrome, or ulcers, which we don't hear very much of, or anymore because of the medicines that are easily given for those things to make those symptoms go away, or heartburn. Things like that physically that are happening that we often will attribute to something else like an injury. I went surfing and I threw my back out, or I got a back spasm that, that incapacitated me for a few hours or a few days. And it's the result of just having not stretched or lifting something in the wrong way or just overtaxing myself, et cetera, et cetera. And there's so many excuses that we make for the physical challenges that we sometimes experience. And what I've come to understand is that in so many ways, those physical things that we're experiencing are really just a reflection of something that's below the surface, that's outside of our view and outside of even our awareness at times, which can be those repressed emotions, anger and anxiety, and mostly, I think, from the past. So I say this in connection with all of us being in this holiday season, in this holiday mode. And some of you are gonna be around people, as I said, And become that earlier version of you triggered in some way to go back and as if no time had occurred. And some of you may not even be in the presence of other people and will feel some loneliness and some longing and maybe some loss even from the people who you are not around or the people that are no longer even here to be around. And it's a time when a lot of that stored emotion can pop up. And if our bodies are adept as a defense mechanism at creating other issues for us to deal with as a distraction so that we don't have to deal with those things, I think we can get ourselves off on the wrong foot to start this brand new year because we don't need more challenges in the midst of everything that's going on in, in the world, in our personal lives, in politics, in society, in business. We have to be at our best. We have to be the most resilient now and on and ongoingly. And so there's not that much that is truly known. As much as science has advanced beyond much of what anybody could have ever imagined, really, we still don't understand the mind-body connection. We just don't understand it very well, the connection between our bodies and our minds. And so when we talk about resilience, again, in, in a business context even, I talk about it as something that's not One thing. It's really mental, it's emotional, it's physical, and it's spiritual. And it's the interconnection of those things. It's not that they're in 4 different compartments like silos. It's— that's silly. They're integrated. It's this Venn diagram, if you will, and this overlap of all of those things and how they do interplay and interconnect with one another. And so I thought in this moment that we're in this time of year, this time of year, which is so beautiful and so amazing, that if you feel those emotions come up, that whatever it might be, but look on, be on the lookout for anger, be on the lookout for anxiousness, anxiety, feelings of angst, resentment, feelings like that. Be with those things as they come up. And again, a lot of this is truly subconscious. So it could be that you won't even be feeling some of those things consciously, but all of a sudden your shoulder will bother you or your back will feel like it's gonna go out, or you'll have a sciatic spasm or pain down your leg, or maybe you'll get a rash or something like that because the body again has become adept, this distraction. So that these emotions that we've learned to repress and that we have repressed, they don't come to the surface. They don't get dealt with. And that's why our cells, which retain these memories, continue to be operative almost in an instant when we are triggered. And right now, we, if I was wishing among other things, anything for the end of this year, for this time of year, for the beginning of a brand new one, I would wish that we would all as individuals and as a society become a little less triggered. That rather we deal with our emotions, we give them what they actually want, which is simply our presence, which is simply our attention. Because then in that moment when we can give them that attention, that presence, we have the opportunity to integrate them. And when that happens, I don't think our bodies— there won't be a need for a backache. Because there wasn't a structural issue to begin with, a physical issue. But psychologically speaking, there's an issue. And if it's not being dealt with at that level of emotion, of thought, consciousness, well, then it's dealt with in a different way. And I think that's one of the things that we can do as a powerful tool. I recommend a few books that are really powerful in this area because I am so much a product of the work of other people. And what I've read, what I've come to understand, and what I've practiced. Because ultimately, to read things and to have an intellectual understanding of things is of almost no value if we don't put these things into practice, if we don't actually work with them and experience them and feel them. That's the only way that they're anything other than just head knowledge, which is very limited in its value to us. So some of the books that I recommend, Hal Dwoskin's The Sedona Method, and he's got a very simple process for letting go of emotions. And it's wonderful. And I highly recommend that, The Sedona Method by Hal Elrod. The Presence Process, Michael Brown, one of my all-time favorite books. And when I do some executive coaching, executives are just people, right? Leaders, you're CEO, you're a CFO. It doesn't matter what your position is, what your experience is. You're an engineer, you're an architect, you're a lawyer, a doctor, an accountant. Doesn't matter. The head knowledge again. We're all baked the same way. We're all built the same way. We're all wired the same way. And The Presence Process is a book that I often will use in many ways in collaboration with another individual that's looking to find new insight and has been in some way, shape, or form beat because there are blind spots that they are unaware of. And that's usually the case, right? There wouldn't be blind spots if we knew they were there. So it's the things that we don't see that are both the greatest opportunities, For ourselves and our growth, and also sometimes the greatest impediments to that growth. So The Presence Process by Michael Brown, a book called Healing, and it's a book by John Sarno, MD, and Healing Back Pain, I believe, is the exact title. It's a book that really explores the mind-body connection. And the mind-body connection, as I said earlier, is just— it's so little understood that it's remarkable. It truly is this day and age that we know so little and that there's so little of it that's a part of medical school, medical training. It's so lacking in so many disciplines. There's still open fertile ground for us to plant new seeds in, but we've gotta understand, we've gotta become aware. And awareness is the key. It's everything starts, it's the catalyst, it's the first domino. It's the thing that eventually becomes this momentous thing when we just simply begin with awareness. It's the procession that Buckminster Fuller spoke about, the ripple effect, in other words. So John Sarno, MD, and his book is also phenomenal. And Michael Singer, The Untethered Soul, a great book which many people have probably read and heard of since Oprah Winfrey was a big fan, is a big fan of Michael Singer's work, and I am too. And The Untethered Soul is a magnificent book as well. So I just wanted to, again, use this opportunity to wish you a wonderful end of year. And this has been a phenomenal year for so many of us. And I know it's also been a year filled with great challenge and great choice, great opportunity to choose. That's the thing. We always have this grand opportunity in every single moment To do the only thing that we're ever required to do, and that is to get this moment. Wow. The pace of change over the last couple of years has been rapid. And if you're a leader, a business owner, an entrepreneur, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Every day it's something different and something new. But the one thing that I've learned in performing at the height of all of those roles has been that we must be resilient. In fact, It's the unsung hero in every success story that you will ever hear about, and it's the reason why my team and I created the resilience assessment that more than 5,000 business leaders across the globe have taken. And all you have to do to get your own free resilient leader assessment is go to resiliencerank.com. It takes less than 3 minutes, and it's our gift to you for being the leader that you already are. Other free resources and tools will accompany your score instantly. So go to resiliencerank.com and find out just how resilient you are. Right. To make right decisions. But we can't make right decisions if we don't think rightly. And, and for me personally, the book that guides me in right thinking on a daily basis is a book by Emmet Fox called Around the Year with Emmet Fox. It's a book that I've been using now for probably 13 years in my life. It starts with my morning practice, my rising ritual, as my daughter Chelsea would say. It sets me off on the right foot, as my grandmother used to say, start the day on the right foot. And that's what that book helps me to do. It was a part of what led to my— I love my life, practice, the one that I was so fortunate enough to be able to share on a TEDx stage a couple years ago, has guided me every day for a very long time. And Emmet Fox is a metaphysician, no longer with us, died in the '50s, but a brilliant man, brilliant thinker, brilliant writer, and somebody that really is able to interpret things that are so important in our lives that he can actually create these sort of magical moments in his writing. And it's mystical too. And I have this, this thing for mysticism now in this point in my life. So just wanted to say how much our company, More Love Media, loves what we do, loves the fact that we get to interact in the way that we do with all of you. I will say, if you have not shared a comment with us, we would love to hear from you. And you can go to adamarkel.com/podcast and leave a comment there. It will be me. I promise we don't have a bot for this, so it will be me. A response to those comments. If what this conversation turned into today is something that would help somebody other than yourself, but would help another in your life, a friend, a family member, a child, one of your adult children or soon-to-be adult children, feel free to share it with them. That really helps us to get this ripple effect, this procession when others are sharing the message as well. To leave a review is always welcome. We love those 5-star reviews, whatever it is, whether you're consuming this on Apple or some other platform. We just appreciate it and it's helpful because it helps the algorithm to put the work in front of other people that might also have an appetite for this kind of work. Whether you're a business leader or you're a farmer or you're a family, a person who's just literally focused exclusively on your family, you're someone who stays at home and takes care of your kids and maybe you work as well and you're juggling those things. There's just so much that we're all doing. We're all Very much in the same boat right now. And I don't see a lot of people who aren't working. This is not about that. I don't see laziness. I know some people think they're lazy and they worry about their tendency to be lazy, but I don't think that's the greater issue. I think right now we have to, we really have to just recognize that we are being depleted, not through the work that we do as much as just all of the things sort of coinciding in our world. There's so much that's happening. We're consuming so much and so much Is just in our space that we can't help but feel it because we're empathetic beings. We all have that aspect of the empath in us. And so we feel it. We're not immune. We don't have the tortoise shell. We don't have the rhino skin. So we feel it. It's depleting and it exhausts us and it creates anxiety. And we don't even know sometimes where that's coming from or what that's about. But hopefully what we just were able to cover here gives you a sense of the fact that sometimes it's the best thing that you can do is actually be more conscious of what's happening in the subconscious, what has been repressed. And the feelings of anger or the feelings of resentment or the feelings of anxiety are things that we can handle, we can deal with. And when we do that, then we are healthier as a result, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. We're healthier. And that health, that resilience, only enables us to have more energy to deal with the challenges and the opportunities and the beauty and the wonder of it all. That's the promise of it. And we wanna be better able, have more capacity to just be more and do more and to have more. We need the energy to do that, to be leaders of ourselves and leaders of others. We have to have this greater capacity, this ability to have energy, Instantly, and to be able to use it in a positive way, and in a way that ultimately enables who we are in the world to be a positive influence on others around us. So with that, I want to just say thank you again. Thanks so much for taking the time to consume some of the shows here. If you are curious about your own level of resilience now, it's kind of cool. You could do this before and after the holidays if you want, just to check out and see the difference, because that's one of those things we can see. the improvement, or we can see where it is that we have challenges and work still to do. It is that level of awareness that just changes the game. To get your own resilience score for free, it takes 3 minutes. Best part, just 3 to 4 minutes and you're gonna get it. And that's just by going to rankmyresilience.com, rankmyresilience.com, and 16 questions, and you'll be set in the sense that you will know your baseline score in those 4 Distinct areas and the interplay and what it is, the kinds of things that you can do for yourself to develop resilience. There's so many. I am a product of my resilience rituals each and every day. I've got half a dozen that I am doing every single day, just moving back and forth between my on button and my off button, my on and my off switch. Sometimes my rituals take 10 seconds or 60 seconds. They could be as simple as just rubbing my ears. Like I'm doing right now. I'm just giving my ears a little massage right here. And one of the reasons that I do that is for my brain hygiene. I know it sounds funny, right? I'm rubbing my ears. But what happens is that our brains very much are in need of new stimulus, of unique experiences and things that just are sort of out of the ordinary, out of the norm. And most of us don't even touch our ears throughout the day. So when I do that, I know that my brain activates, or dendrites in my brain and neuropathways that are lit up because I am giving it something that is nourishing to my brain hygiene. Just that one little thing that I can do even while I'm doing a podcast. And so there's so many different rituals. And when you take your assessment, not only will you get your score, but you'll get some of those examples of things that you can do to develop greater resilience for yourself. And again, to give permission to others around you to do the same. So with that, I wanna just once again say Happy New Year. Hope all is well with you and in your world and with your families and your friends. And that is my everlasting prayer for all of us, that we just continue to do a little better today than yesterday and the same for tomorrow. Okay, I'll say this. Ciao for now. Happy New Year, everyone. Be blessed. We'll see you soon.

Thanks for listening, everyone. We hope you now have even more tools and greater insights to build resilience And become change-proof. Help us inspire others by sharing this episode and leaving your comments over at adammarkel.com/podcast. For more resilience tips and strategies, including support for building change-proof teams, visit adammarkel.com/becomechangeproof.