Burden or Blessing? The Truth About Being an Executor

So you've just been named the executor of your family estate. Is this a blessing or a curse? As an antique specialist, I encounter executors on a regular basis. The executor of an estate is someone who has the responsibility to execute the will, someone who is responsible to make sure the person who passed away, that their wishes are fulfilled when it comes to the contents or anything that was in their name. They're responsible of making sure all their bills are paid and anything when it comes to real estate, of the house, stocks, things like that, make sure that they are accounted for and dispersed properly. So in being named the executor of the estate, it's definitely a blessing in some instances. You have to realize that in order for you to be named as the executor, that means that someone in the family trusted you immensely. It's definitely an honor to have that responsibility. You're responsible for preserving legacy, preserving the history of the family. Maybe there's some antiques or artwork that, you know, someone in the family got as an award or something that was bought when the family just started started generations ago, and sometimes those things should be kept in the family, and it's your responsibility as the executor to make those decisions and to see what is most important to be kept. And if it's the decision to keep those items, you have to make sure that they're going to go to someone who can take care of these items, have the right home for them as well. A lot of people feel very overwhelmed when they become the executor of the estate because it's a lot of responsibility, you know, they don't want to make a mistake, and in certain instances, When they are dealing with this, they're grieving themselves. Oftentimes it's a child of a parent who passed away, so they definitely have some sentimental issues they have to deal with, as well as family issues, you know, siblings trying to trust them. You're trying to do well by your brothers and sisters, and it's very important, and it's a difficult process. I see sometimes 2, 3 clients a day. Over the years, it's going to be thousands that I've dealt with. And these executors come to me when they're trying to do right by their family. Things that were written in the will, things that were told or messaged for them to do, I am responsible for trying to assist them with that process. Occasionally, when people become executors of an estate, it becomes like a second job to them. They have to learn how to sell things, how to learn— they have to learn how to look things up, and it gets to be a very challenging process, and sometimes they do need to Leave their work, you know, leave their regular day job, leave their family in order to do this process. You know, I've seen people do Excel sheets and PowerPoint presentations and just trying to make sure that all the family's on the same page. So in many instances, people get named the executor of the estate, and at the beginning of the process, they're like, thank goodness, I'm gonna, I'm gonna have say, I'm gonna decide who gets the money, and I'm not gonna get gypped, so to speak, in the scenario. That's the beginning process, but as it goes on, you know, there's a lot of red tape to go through, there's a lot of law process, there's probate, there's things that need to happen, especially when there's siblings involved and people second-guessing you, even though you have the rights and the responsibility, it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be an easy task, and of course relationships can suffer from it, and in the end, of course, it's good to have the responsibility, just realize that you're going to have some challenges along the way. So as an executor, the role of communication is very important. You want to make sure that if there are siblings in this scenario or other family members that are going to get or receive some of the items written in the will, that they do get them, and if they are going to get monetary value for the items, you need to make sure that you get receipts for these items and make sure that for one thing that the siblings are ready to sell. If it doesn't specifically say that these items are to be sold and the will is a little bit ambiguous, you need to communicate with your siblings to make sure everyone's on the same page. So when it comes to the art and antique contents, sometimes people think it's going to be an easy process. They look a few things up, but in reality, you know, it could take some more time, especially because it's not something that is the executor's profession in most cases. So it can be a big challenge when it comes to deciding what these antiques and artworks are worth. Even after you decide it, you have to prove that to your siblings, that the price you're getting or the price you're offering or the auction you choose is the right choice. So even though it's, it's your decision, sometimes you will need to get some feedback from siblings, even though you don't lawfully need to. Sometimes it's the right thing to do, especially because these— this is your family. So the reason these executors reach out to me in particular is to try to make sure that they don't make a mistake, to try to make sure that they don't have a diamond in the rough, so to speak, or a painting worth a lot of money and end up donating it, giving it away, or throwing it in a tag sale or something like that. So my goal when it comes to dealing with executors, of course, is to make them have a little bit more peace of mind, give them some options, explain to them different scenarios that they have to choose from so that they can have a better idea of what to do with the antiques, the art, the jewelry. And in, in some instances, it's simply letting them go because they have no value. But by, you know, me explaining these things to them, I give them a little bit more of that peace of mind. So you became the executor of the estate And the first thing you're going to do is to see the apartment or house that you are in charge of taking care of. So the first thing that I would say to do, if there is a safe or a lockbox or something, you need to get that out of the house and put it somewhere extremely safe. The reason is because I've heard horror stories. I've heard of, don't get me wrong, but I've heard nurses coming back and taking items. Supers, building managers, again, don't get me wrong, they are good and they are bad, but they know That the apartment or house is empty. You need to be sure of that. Real estate brokers, they have access to your house when they're selling it. Maybe they're doing a walkthrough and something walks. Just to make sure that none of these things happen, don't empty everything, but if there's something super valuable, maybe a really expensive painting, or in many cases jewelry, gold coins, get it out of the house as soon as possible because when you're not there, you do not know what's going on in that house. The first calls you should make are to specialists. You should call appraisers for the house, possibly appraisers or antique specialists for the contents of your home, so at least you're doing a little bit of due diligence and you have a general idea of what these things may be worth. Then you can relay that information to siblings or anyone else related to the will, or even if you're by yourself, you should still want to do due diligence for your parent who passed away and make sure that you're doing everything as good as you can. So as an executor of the estate, part of the responsibility is the sale of the property in many cases. So if you, for example, have an apartment that is filled with antiques and art, a lot of times the goal is to empty the place so you could put the apartment on the market. Now, when there's antiques and artwork everywhere, it's kind of difficult. So sometimes you sell the better items and then you're stuck with an apartment full of stuff. Now, at that case, you have to empty these items. So sometimes donations, sometimes a tag sale. In many instances, it's actually just a clean-out, which is junk removal. And that's the last thing you want to do, but of course sometimes you have to do that in order to put the property on the market. Oftentimes sentimentality comes into play. This is okay to a point. You have to realize that you have a job to do. I've had families where they have hundreds and hundreds of pictures and they have to figure out what to do with all these pictures. I mean tubs and tubs of these pictures. And then all of a sudden they look at one of the pictures and it's a picture of them as a baby, and then they're sitting there for hours at a time looking at this picture, not getting anything done. So you have to realize that you're here to do a job. You have duties. You're never going to get done if you get too sentimental. Now, on the other hand, of course there's certain things that maybe you want to keep because they are the utmost importance. But I think you have to really figure out what's the most important because you can't keep everything. And in that specific example, if you digitize these photos, that's great. But from what I've heard, it's a very expensive process. It's good because you end up getting a little zip drive and then you have thousands of pictures on one zip drive, but the whole process could be very expensive. So a situation came up where a gentleman was named the executor of the estate, and he wasn't too close with his mother. He had a sibling on the other side of the world in California, and he was in charge in New York. Busy, busy guy. I think he was in finance, so he felt that he didn't have too much time. So he had to empty the contents of an apartment because the rent was $7,000 a month. So in that situation, he went there, took a couple things, and then just left and said, I don't care about this stuff, just get rid of it. So the super of the building was responsible for emptying the entire contents. So before he did so, he called me because he said that before we threw all this stuff away, he just wanted to make sure that there wasn't anything of value. I did a little bit of digging and very quickly, with less than a 2-hour appointment, I ended up paying the super over $20,000. You try to do your best as the executor. Sometimes you don't have the time to do it, but if that's the case, maybe you should give that role to someone else or figure out a way to make everybody happy by, you know, just spending a little bit of time to do your due diligence. Call somebody in, just get an opinion. This gentleman did not, and as a result, he left a lot of money on the table. You have to make sure that if you're the executor of a will and you're in charge of making all these decisions, you need to cross your T's and dot your I's, because there can be legal ramifications if you don't do that. For example, you need to make sure all the documents are in line. If you get a sale for anything— antiques, art, jewelry, or the sale of a house or apartment— make sure that you keep that documentation. Get your receipts, keep them, because you can be liable if something does happen and the will wasn't executed properly. So oftentimes I deal with the executors of an estate and I have to give them advice. I like to provide options, and in many instances I think that a cash sale is a good idea, but sometimes an auction is also a good idea. If you have multiple siblings and no one's going to be on the same page— this one thinks they want to do this, this one thinks this piece is worth this— sometimes it's good to use a reputable auction. You need to find out which auction is appropriate, but by using an auction, it is public knowledge what these items are going to sell for. So if you possibly have a sibling that doesn't trust you or is not sure what you're doing with the items or the money, sometimes an auction could work because all family members could watch the auction from beginning to end and see the actual price that the items are sold for. So because of that, you need to kind of go with what you think is best. Legally, you are the one to make the decisions. When becoming the executor of estate, a lot of times people end up getting some Monday morning quarterback scenarios. These are scenarios where a sibling, maybe let's say in California, is second-guessing something you did in New York because that's where the estate is. So you're making the decisions, you're selling items, you're figuring out the sale of the property as well as the, the physical property as well as the real estate property, and it's difficult because, you know, the siblings on the other end of the world not helping at all, but they're going to second-guess you. It's just kind of the way it goes. So I have an example where a person spent his months, months, and months trying to figure out the estate process when he became the executor. His siblings were in Massachusetts and California, and he was the only one in New York, so he had the responsibility of dealing with the contents. And he actually stayed at the property for months, and he was calling real estate brokers, antique dealers, tag sale people. He was doing so much work And by the time it was all done, he ended up completing everything, sold everything, got good money for everything. But of course, one of the siblings in California felt that he didn't get quite enough money for the property, and he said that if they waited a little bit longer and squeezed a little bit more, they could have gotten some more money, especially for the real estate. But in reality, he did everything he could, and he was sacrificing his time, which he didn't get paid extra money for, and it was a difficult situation for him. If you have to please a sibling, the only way around that is to get a professional appraiser. It costs money, and in most cases it's unnecessary unless you're doing insurance, but sometimes it's a good idea, especially if it's a high-end item, to do that just to cover your bases. If a sibling wants to second-guess you, you show them the proof. Sometimes siblings might blame you for not getting enough money or not selling something correct, or maybe letting something go that someone wanted. The bottom line is you're doing your best at doing exactly what is listed in the will. If you're doing everything as close to what it says in that will, then you should be fine. However, there of course can always be legal action from another sibling if they feel like something was not done correctly. So, I had a situation once where it was a brother and sister who were somewhat estranged from the father. They got in arguments, they didn't see him for a long time, and Finally, when he passed away, then they came back to the house, and when they looked at the will, it said that the, the live-in nurse or the home aide was the person who was going to inherit the house. And the brother and sister were blindsided. Even though they didn't have a great relationship with the father, they thought that he would be— of course, give them the house to split. You know, who else would get it? But Apparently the nurse was very nice to him over the years, took care of him even though he wasn't the nicest of people. You know, the nurse was by his side the whole time. So when he passed, or before he passed, he designated the nurse as the owner of the house. So the only reason that I was in the scenario was because the contents of the house was designated for the kids, but the house did lawfully go to the aide because he was of sound mind when he made that decision. So knowing everything that I told you on these videos regarding becoming the executor of the estate, if you were named the executor today, would you be able to take on these responsibilities? As a bonus tip, I want to make sure everyone is on the same page. I don't care if you're 25 years old or 95 years old, you should start to think about executing a will. Get specific. You could always change it over time, but get something in the books. Talk to your family members. I've talked to Thousands and thousands of families that did not do this, didn't have any will, or wasn't specific enough. Please do that now. Do not wait. It's uncomfortable, but it's something that needs to be done, and it should be done as soon as possible. I saw a clip the other day, and Judge Judy was going through a court case, and what she said was, it's better to give with a warm hand. Now, what does that mean? That means that while you're still alive, your kids, your grandkids might enjoy the items now. So give it to them now or figure it out in the will now so that later on people don't get upset. One story that I had where it was a situation where it was 3 sisters and the will was kind of clear but not exact, and that's another reason where will needs to be very specific on exactly what items go where and who gets what. So the 3 sisters came to me and they said they wanted me to split the jewelry 3 ways. It was about $45,000 worth of jewelry, so I was at the table with the 3 women and I split it according to the weight of the jewelry and the value of the gold. There was no big name, so it was a fairly easy process. I just simply did it by the weight. The problem was one sister remembered mom wearing a specific necklace. Another one said that they gifted it to the mother and they wanted it. So the value of the items was split in thirds as the will requested. However, the items that they wanted were not specifically mentioned, so it got to be very difficult. And you know, in most cases when there's three siblings, there's going to be one that is a little bit harder to please. And in this case, that was the situation. You know, she was not happy with the whole process, and we had to readdress, and they went back and forth. And I don't know if it was ever resolved, but I left because I didn't want to get. Stuck involved with the 3 of them. The moral of the story is it's very good to be proactive. If you have a mother or grandmother and you're still lucky enough to have them with you, it's good to think ahead of time. Ask your kids, ask your sisters, your daughters, your sons. Ask them who— what they want, you know. Ask them specifically if they want specific items. Don't wait too long and don't talk about it because it's an icky subject. You know, you could do it in your 40s and 50s. You don't have to wait till 80s, 90s, or God forbid when it's It's best to do these things ahead of time so everyone is on the same page when the time actually comes. I could tell you from personal experience, when my father passed, I was the, the person who made most of the decisions. I didn't have time to grieve, so I had to do everything on the fly, and I had to learn the hard way that, you know, if the ducks were put in a row, so to speak, it would have been a lot easier process for me and the rest of my family. All things considered, being the executor is basically a case-by-case situation. I think that if you are an organized person, someone who is not totally sentimental, I think you'll have a little bit easier time about being the executor, but I think overall you do the best that you can in this situation and the best will come out of it. All things considered, you know, no matter what, you're not going to please everyone all the time, So you just got to do the best that you can to, to make your, your loved one that passed away as happy as possible, or, you know, assume that they would be as happy as possible by the things that you're doing. You have the final say. Siblings might disagree with you, but if you're doing the right thing and you know in your head that you are doing the best that you can by your deceased loved one, I think that it's a great thing to be the executor because it's a responsibility that's entrusted to you by someone that felt that you were responsible enough to do it, and that when you do the right thing, you know, you could sleep at night. And once it's all over, you'll have peace of mind and hopefully a little bit of money that a loved one left you. Please subscribe so you don't miss any future videos.