A first-person suicide note from Antonio Mata's novel Love Is in the Eye of the Beholder. The protagonist, in her final moments after taking medication, writes a poem called Farewell to Misery's Company, describing physical sensations like heavy eyelids and nausea while expressing despair, abandonment, and lifelong suffering with no escape but death.
The following is an excerpt from the novel Love Is in the Eye of the Beholder written by Antonio Mata. It includes the poem Farewell to Misery's Company. She hopes to end it all. Her final thought. Her last breath. Her last heartbeat. The final second of her life. Even still in her lamentation, she feels the need to leave something behind before her desperate departure. A word or two to the friends and family she will be leaving, she turns on the lamp by her bed and picks up a pen and notebook that is conveniently on her nightstand. With all that is left swelling within her soul and amidst the storm of emotions pouring down in her heart, she begins to write. The chemicals from all the medication she just took cause her eyelids to feel heavy. Her stomach's aching causes sensations throughout her body that are weakening and nauseating. She tries to find the right words, if there are any. With a contrite heart, she says goodbye to the disappointing and abusive world. Farewell to misery's company. I don't know how I'm going to do this. Please forgive me, but I must say goodbye. It's been a bumpy trail. All the way from unfavorable infancy to a meager maturity. To my dismay, I've come to see what's real and true. This is when I say I'm through. I've given the best I can. Sadly, it seems my best hasn't been good enough to remove from my life the touch of destitution's hand. What I've done tonight could very well be the most selfish act ever done. I hope that in time you can forgive me and see that my race had been run. I gave all of me unconditionally and sometimes naively, disappointingly. Reciprocity seemed always to be lacking. Now I am free. You don't understand the pain. No drug or prayer could ever seem to alleviate the rain. The turbulent storms continue ceaselessly. Couldn't you see how I was drowning in discontent and despondency? Everything about me, genetically, mentally, financially, reminds me that life isn't good for everyone. I'm adversity's perpetual victim. In the cosmic book of life, it is written, it is done. A part of me doesn't want to go, but it's my only choice. I'm surrounded by sorrow. Peace no longer recognizes my voice. I call for it, but it never comes. No light waits at the tunnel's end because the pain has darkened the sun. Misery doesn't always love company. So let me go. Hold no memory. Let me die. Goodbye.
