Relapse & Regret: Addressing the need for self-forgiveness & resilience

Recovery is possible. Recovery is possible.

Recovery is possible.

Recovery is possible.

Recovery is possible. Recovery Dialogues and Sober Stories.

Welcome to Recovery Dialogues and Sober Stories, the podcast that brings you inspiring and insightful conversations about addiction and recovery. In this episode, we will explore the vital topic of relapse and regret. Recovering from an addiction is a journey that involves both progress Setbacks. Unfortunately, relapse is a common occurrence that many people experience. It can lead to various emotional and psychological effects such as shame, regret, and hopelessness. However, it is important to understand that relapse is not a sign of failure. With the right approach, individuals can learn to forgive themselves develop resilience, and continue on their path to recovery. I'm excited to welcome 3 exceptional experts to the show this week. Firstly, we have Dr. David Tahini, an experienced addiction medicine specialist. As the medical director of my MAT clinic, a medication-assisted treatment provider, and a medical advisor for Project Opioid and healthcare companies such as ICMA, Pharmaceuticals, Dr. Dahomey advocates for evidence-based addiction treatment. Our second guest is Dr. Evelyn Higgins, Wired for Addiction's founder and CEO. Dr. Higgins is a certified addictionologist, a diplomate of the American Board of Addictionology and Compulsive Disorders, and a diplomate of the American Board of Disability She is a renowned international expert and has had the privilege of advising the US Surgeon General. Our last guest is Heather Lowe, a highly qualified professional with addiction recovery and wellness coaching expertise. She founded Ditched the Drink, a wellness company that helps professionals move away from alcohol and towards their best selves. Heather has helped countless people overcome their struggles with addiction and achieve their goals. I'm so honored to have these three experts join the panel to share their knowledge and insight. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, about 40 to 60% of people experience a relapse within the first year of recovery. This makes relapse practically inevitable for most people in recovery. Dr. Higgins, how can individuals in recovery practice self-forgiveness after a relapse?

Self-forgiveness during a relapse. You know, the first step would be to understand that this is a disease. It's not a moral flaw. So like with any disease, there are going to be exacerbations in it, and we've got to understand this process as we move through it. So understanding it's a disease, it's not a moral failing, and it's part of the process. Understanding that is a way to continue to move through without major setbacks.

Ms. Lowe, what are some effective strategies for developing resilience in the face of setbacks and challenges.

Myself, I always say if beating ourselves up worked, we all would have cured our addictions, right? Because we've tried that. We've tried a loud inner critic and we've tried beating ourselves into the ground and beating ourselves around the block for all the shame and all the guilt and all the disappointment and regret that we've had due to our addiction. So those things don't work. What does work is compassion and forgiveness. And just like a baby learning to walk, you would never expect that baby to learn to walk when it took its first step. You would expect that it would fall on its bum and get back up and try again over and over and just keep practicing. Ditching the drink or recovering from a substance also takes practice. So keep practicing compassion, self-forgiveness, kindness, and not expecting that you're gonna get it on the first try, right? The— it's usually not the trying that works, but the keep trying that works. And for me, I had years of trying before I finally had my last day one. And now I'm happy to report that I'm over 5 years alcohol-free. And it took trying and trying again. To get me to this place.

Dr. Dahimi, how can individuals in recovery build a support system that promotes self-forgiveness and resilience?

The standard answer within the behavioral recovery community is to go to 12-step meetings and get a sponsor and participate in the meetings and become accountable, uh, to others and practice the 12 steps. Unfortunately, there's not a lot of data to show that this really improves, uh, long-term recovery rates. Anecdotally, it does for, for some people, and there certainly is, um, the importance of social interaction and being mentored and being around people that are in recovery and farther along that, that, that continuum than you are. However, what has been shown to be most effective in terms of behavioral therapies towards recovery is cognitive behavioral therapy with a trained cognitive behavioral therapist. And during that process, they can work on exactly these types of questions.

Dr. Higgins, how can mindfulness and self-compassion practices be used to cultivate resilience and foster self-forgiveness?

Self-compassion can be such great tools to have in the individual's toolbox to use during this process. Understanding that each decision that we make, if we're employing mindfulness, we actually vet out that decision. And if we're using self-compassion, giving ourselves that leeway, then all of this gets us back on track if in fact a relapse does happen and we don't see it as a failure 'cause once again, we understand it's a disease.

Ms. Lowe, what are some common emotional and psychological challenges that individuals in recovery may face after a relapse and how can they be addressed?

Many people feel defeated and a sense of hopelessness. A thought that if they haven't completely kicked their habit yet, that they're never going to. And I think it's important to understand the neuroscience and the leading-edge brain research as taught in many coaching programs, including the International Association of Professional Recovery Coaches, because you learn exactly how a substance affects your brain. And that often it's the substance doing the talking. So there's things that you can put in place to prevent a future relapse. Maybe it's just a warning that you need more support, that you need to try different, right? That you need to add in some more things to help you. But mostly, this trust with yourself feels broken. And instead of looking at it like that, You can look at it as, what else do I need? What more support can I add in?

Dr. Nahumi, how can the family members and loved ones of individuals in recovery support them in their journey towards self-forgiveness and resilience?

The best way for loved ones and family members to support somebody on their journey towards recovery is for themselves to understand that substance use disorders or addictions to drug and alcohol cause brain changes. And these brain changes take a while to, to normalize. And that this is a chronic disease, just like any other chronic disease— diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease. And the behaviors that we see with, with addiction, although all those, those behaviors are not ones that, that, that we like, they're symptoms of a disease that's not properly treated or managed. So number one, if families understand that this is a disease process and treat the person without stigma or as if they have a moral failing, but as a person, that can go a long ways to helping them in their recovery. Also, parent, family, loved ones, parents should also know that there are very, very effective treatments for certain use disorders or addictions like opioid use disorder and alcohol use disorder. And that if your loved one is not on one of these medications and chances of them recovering through behavioral treatment alone is extremely low, and that every relapse in the— in— when we're talking about opioid use disorder, every relapse could be— could result in an overdose and death. So these medications are extremely effective at not only preventing relapse but, but preventing death as a result of relapse. And then finally, uh, family members should, should carry naloxone and have it in their house and talk about it openly because that's the one drug that can save somebody's life if they're having a relapse. And to not have it and to stand there helplessly as somebody is overdosing while you wait for the paramedics or EMS to arrive is a terrible feeling. But the ability to act quickly and to save somebody's life is very, very powerful. And what we always tell family is that, you know, relapses happen, but death is permanent. And so we always, always, always want to avoid having somebody overdose and die. And, and it's our responsibility to carry the, the effective reversal agent, um, naloxone or intranasal naloxone like Klyxato or Narcan. These medications are effective in reversing an opioid overdose. And nowadays with synthetic opioids like fentanyl, you need a stronger drug like Naloxone in order to reliably reverse an overdose. So I dispense this drug to families as well as our patients and encourage them to carry it and have it, have it in their homes at all times.

Dr. Higgins, how can individuals in recovery use their experience with relapse and regret as a catalyst for growth and transformation?

Their relapse and regret as a catalyst for growth and transformation by understanding that they got past it, that they hit that point and still were able to Go on. You know, it's just like in life, in the big picture, when you meet somebody that has so much character, you know that there are stories behind that. They weren't born that way. It was what they had to deal with in life, with the relapse of life, with regret of life, to make that their catapult for growth and transformation. And when you find yourself in the trenches and you climb out, you know it is possible. Within you to do it again.

Ms. Long, what are some common misconceptions about relapse and regret, and how can they be addressed in the recovery community?

If you look at relapse as a learning experience, everything is moving and shifting. So if you went through periods of time drinking and then you had a drink, it doesn't mean not drinking is for you, or you're out of recovery, or you won't be able to do it. It just means you need more support. It just means you're still learning. So I just, I think this idea that we have to walk a tightrope of perfection in recovery, especially when we're just starting out, it's hard. For me, I had 3 years of on-off drinking. Never with the intention of quitting for good. I didn't want total abstinence to start. So I would go through periods of drinking and periods of not drinking. I was trying to moderate and I was trying to not have a problem. I was trying to be a normal drinker. I was trying, you know, everything I could to figure out the special formula for having the right amount of drinks without giving it up completely and without having too much. Well, that elusive number I never was able to found. And ultimately, I decided that none is the best amount for me. But in the beginning, it was practicing and it was trying both ways. And I think that's true for a lot of people. It's definitely true for my clients. As a certified professional recovery coach through the International Association of Professional Recovery Coaches, I think it's very common that in the beginning or early sobriety, our clients have periods of time when they're drinking and periods of time when they're not drinking before ultimately they decide to ditch it for good.

Lastly, Dr. Dahimi, how can individuals in recovery build a sense of purpose and meaning in their lives after a relapse? And how can this contribute to their overall well-being and resilience?

The best answer I can come up with that comes directly from our, our MAT clinic. In that patients that have relapsed numerous times have survived and eventually got put onto effective medications that can control their cravings and withdrawal are the best advertisement or mouthpieces for those who aren't on those medicines. And so the overwhelming majority of patients that come to our clinic asking for help have been referred by a friend of theirs who was in exactly their position, you know, months or years ago and said, hey, these medicines changed my life. You've gotta be on these medications if, if you wanna really make sustained forward progress. And here's, here's the number of the clinic and these people, they're not gonna judge you when you go there. They're just happy that you came. And they just want to prevent you from having a, a possible overdose and continuing to relapse. And they want to see you do better in life. So I think people that have themselves gone into remission, no matter how they've done it, but especially I'm biased towards the medications because they work the best, are the best people to advocate for, for these treatments for others that are currently struggling and, and don't know which way to turn.

Thank you to our panel guests for their time, expertise, and insights. As we end this episode of Recovery Dialogues and Sober Stories, I hope you feel empowered by the wisdom shared by our three experts. Returning to substance use after abstaining may seem like a defeat at first glance, but that's only if we look at it through a narrow lens. Relapse is simply a response to triggers, whether they come from within or without. It's an opportunity to practice self-forgiveness and resilience and to learn from our mistakes. We can use setbacks like these to grow and strengthen our recovery journey by embracing new responses and getting back on track. I thank our sponsor, Wish Recovery, for supporting this episode. Wish Recovery is a luxury dual diagnosis treatment center that provides personalized and holistic care to individuals struggling with addiction and mental health issues. If you or someone you know needs help, we encourage you to take the first step toward a healthier and happier life. Thank you for listening, and we look forward to seeing you next time on Recovery Dialogues and Sober Stories.

Recovery is possible. Recovery is possible.

Recovery is possible.

Recovery is possible.

Recovery is possible. Recovery Dialogues. So for stories—