Build a Supportive Community Part 1

A friend is your needs answered. He's your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving. And let your best be for your friend. If he must know the ebb of your tide, Let him know it's flood also. For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill? Seek him always with your hours to fill.

Hey there friends. Welcome to Happiness Squad. This is the podcast dedicated to helping you unlock your full potential by mastering the art and science of happiness. We bring on the best leading experts on these topics to help you unlock your true potential and live with more joy, health, love and meaning in your life. Your host is no other than the star combo of Ashish Kothari and Anil Ramjiani who are both on a mission to provide you with an unfair advantage to be the masters of your experience and leaders in your industry. Get ready to be moved, challenged and enlightened on this podcast. It may change your life. Thanks for being here and joining the Squad.

Hey Happiness Squad. I'm excited to be with all of you and honored to be with Ashish as we explore his book Hardwired for Happiness. Chapter by chapter. I'm on this journey with you and Ashish to explore how each of the nine Hardwired for Happiness practices that form the Sunflower are brought to life so simply and beautifully. What I find unique is how Ashish takes what he has learned and shares several exercises, practices and studies that can truly change our lives in just a few minutes a day to help us lead a more purposeful life. Today we continue with practice 8 build a supportive community. It's a two part series where we will delve into the power of this practice with partners, friends, family and our professional network. In part one, we'll learn how to build and strengthen bonds with the people around you. By cultivating vibrant connections with your partner, family, friends, you can experience a greater sense of belonging and support. For example, did you know that 6 out of 10Americans are reported to feel lonely? Ashish and I dive into this and share personal and professional reflections that will open your eyes to the importance of maintaining your well being and personal growth through this practice. Bearing in mind our challenge with time and commitment management, stay till the end as Ashish provides several tips that we can integrate into our lives. From today. Join us as we talk through how we can rewire for happiness together. Enjoy. Ashish it's been a while since we've had a onetoone my friend. How are you doing?

I'm doing wonderful. It's Saturday. It is Sunny. It's beautiful. And, you know, it's such a joy to talk with you and, and record this podcast around one of my favorite practices that can make such a big difference in people's lives, which is around building a supportive community.

You know, Ashish, we met a year ago for the first time in person, and it was at that point you were telling me, anil, I'm building this program. I'm actually, I've written a book. I'm publishing in October. But, Anil, it's not just about the practices. It's not just about the program. It's about a community that I really envision. A community that can come together and really bring these practices to life, to really touch over a billion lives. And maybe, Ashish, just as we get started, share your vision, share the. The idea you have around the community that we're building together.

Yeah, look, I mean, you know, community is such an important aspect and a practice, you know, and I think it for sure, you know, is. It's truly been transformative for me in so many ways. But let's answer that from two or three different places. Okay. From an evolution point of view, Anil, you know, we are wired to be social beings. You know, 20,000 years ago, while we were roaming around in groups of 20 to 30, not belonging, not having or being part of that small group community literally would mean death because you were by yourself foraging for food or fighting off wild animals that would eat you. And. And so, you know, from a very, very early, you know, evolutionary point of view, this need for connection, this need to belong is deep, deep, you know, hardwired into our brains. And that's why so many times the fear of not belonging or if I mess up, then I will be not part of something is so deep. Right. So many people hustle for worth because they feel if they're not worthy, they're not going to belong. And if they don't belong, I'm not going to survive. And if your connections are not strong, if you don't have a strong foundation of that connection and community, you know, it's really hard to overcome that fear of, you know, being left out. Right. So I think that's the real one reason, which is we have to kind of think about this as kind of a fundamental need that we all have. And I think, how do we actually fulfill it in authentic ways to make sure it doesn't become a deterrent? You know, if we fast forward to times today, that is the second reason to really think about this meaningfully. So we Talked about the past, which is, you know, 20,000 years, and it's been throughout the history. But let's talk about, you know, the world we're living in right now, despite being more connected than ever before, right? Social media, you know, phones, Facebook, Instagram, zoom, Twitter, like, there's so much that is kind of pulling away and there is so much research around the ill effects of too much connection, too much information overload that we are, you know, dealing with. The reality is we are not more connected than actually our, our, our parents generation or even the, you know, generation before that, our grandparents. You know, if you look at this, the, the, the stats even just in the US, 60% of adults report feeling lonely quite frequently. You know, if you look at over the number of years, 33% reported having 10 friends, 10 or more close friends. In the 1990s, that number has dropped to 13%. You know, there are one in 10amongst us who have no friends at all. One in 10 who have no friends. That means they have nobody to kind of share their wins or have a comforting shoulder. And the effect of that is so profound and ill. It is so profound in terms of the effect it has on us. It is the equivalent. Loneliness has the equivalent effect of smoking 15 cigarettes a day. That's how much harm not having connections does to us. 15 plus cigarettes a day. That is how harmful it is. You know, it's the predominant reason why the Surgeon General of the US Vivek Murthy, wrote this book together, the Healing Power of Human Connection. In a sometimes lonely world. I would have, if it was me, I would have changed it to not sometimes lonely world, often lonely world. Because loneliness is also not about, am I with people or am I not with people? Because you can be lonely with people. You can be lonely. Putting on a mask, trying to fit in, not belonging can be, you know, it's truly. So I think if you think about it from both ways, right, how we have evolved and the reality of where we are facing, we've got to really think about and make connection a superpower. And look, a lot of people like listeners who are listening, they'll be like, yeah, no, I get it, I get it. But I ask you, dear friends, when I ask people, what is the most important thing in their life? What do they matter most? What do they value most? They say, it's my family, and then say, friends. And now I invite you to consider how much time do you actually spend on that? If that is the most important. So there again lies this divide between knowing and Doing that, You know, our podcast is all about, our community is all about, our program is all about how do we help people fundamentally bridge that divide about knowing to doing and truly build and surround them in a rich community that can support them, that they can support and collectively help them be at the best self. And, you know, to all those listeners who feel that they might only have one friend or no friends, or, you know, maybe a few, and they want to learn the tips or they want to actually just be part of someplace where they can't be judged, you know, come join us in our Happiness Squad community. That's why we created it as a place for us to show up and truly have vulnerable, heartfelt conversations, share our joys, share our sorrows, and really support each other through the collective wisdom and that exists, you know, within all of us. So anyway, you know, a long answer, but, you know, look, this is a topic that is so near and dear to my heart because I really, really think if we can leverage technology the right way, we don't have to be lonely anymore. We can truly be at our best. We can get support from each other.

No, you strike so many chords on so many different levels. Ashish. I think there's a couple things that stood out to me. You know, the first is you mentioned we're connected, but just because we're connected doesn't mean we're building genuine connections.

Yes.

And for me, right, that's. It's. If you're not having a genuine connection with someone else or others, it's again, it's very shallow. And then you're just kind of glazing through life without really almost feeling the difference that being interdependent, which is the second thing I wanted to really highlight that you mentioned and how important being interdependent is. We are an interdependent civilization. You know, you can think there are folks that don't want to be fully dependent. There are people that would like to be fully independent. But to be fair, as soon as we start to embrace and accept that interdependency and the joy that comes from that, and this is something that the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu talk about in the Book of Joy, it's incredibly powerful what we can unlock and achieve together. And, you know, you mentioned as well, when it, when you talk about family and friends. Just a candid share. When I list my priorities during the week, my first priority is myself, followed by my wife, followed by my work. And then I put in friends and family. And that's not to sound Horrible. But in a way, it's a. It's like, okay, I'm going to start my day looking at myself, but then I want to find ways during the day, throughout the day to really incorporate and bring others in. And it's. It's one of those challenges whenever you're. You're balancing your priorities, like, what am I doing for myself versus what am I doing with others? And so, Ashish, I want to come back to the Happiness squad community. But there's something I'd love to hear from you, and that is how do you yourself incorporate community into your day, into your week? Would love to hear more of your examples.

Absolutely. And listen, I think I'll highlight, you know, and I invite listeners to kind of take this perspective in and kind of reflect on it. Right. The reason we are so caught up in just our immediate family, Right. And even on our just immediate self is because we're stuck in a survival mode. We're so busy running and doing things just because we want to earn money or do things because we think we need it that we forget. Actually, one of the biggest drivers, we forget to give importance. What you give importance, you prioritize really meaningfully is where you make benefit. And for all those who say, yeah, yeah, yeah, this is all fine, but really, come on, be realistic. This is what I will show you is science showing. So there's the latest research that just came out. You know, this has been. This has been a study that has been going on since the 1930s at Harvard. And they were studying. It's a study on flourishing, and it's a study that the current. There's a recent book that came out written by the current director of the study. Right. It started in 1939. So it's that, you know, it's been running since then. It's a longitudinal study out of Harvard where they were studying the. And following the lives of seven, 24 men. You know, half of them were sophomores at Harvard and half of them were kids from the Boston's poorest neighborhoods. Okay. And they were continuously collecting data using questionnaires in home interviews, interviews with children, medical records, blood tests, brain scans, and my dear friends, for those who are stuck in the survival mode because you feel I need to do more, more, more, accumulate more, more, more. Here's what the study found, that longitudinal study, that close relationships played a bigger role way more than money and fame in keeping the men happy and flourishing. It was the quality of relationships with friends, family, and the broader community that was the biggest driver of flourishing. Life, regardless of their upbringing. Okay? So connection is so, so, so important. For me, connection has always come easy. And that was the heart of my essence. That is my essence. And in fact, it was a reflection around how big of a role connections have played in my life and how much joy they gave me that in 2016, you know, in that five day retreat that I was at, that I decided to dedicate my life towards this space of flourishing because I realized my core driver, my core essence, had always been about people. And since then, I methodically have integrated elements to keep community front and center. So really simple things. Things like I make sure every day, every day I call, I try and call as many of the people whose birthday it is that day. I don't send them a message. If I have their phone number, I will call them. If I don't have a phone number, then I might send them a message, right? But I try and call them because it, you know, it's, it's a. It's this for me, it brings me so much joy. And it brings me so much joy to connect with somebody whose lives we walked in. And it's frankly, even their joy when they hear and like, oh my God, who calls anybody anymore? And they hear from me and I feel the joy. That brings me a lot of joy, right? So I think that's one simple thing that I incorporate. The second is I always will take a call from people who reach out to me, even if it is 5 minutes or 10 minutes. I create time every day to connect with those who might need a piece of advice, who just want to connect. They're on their own journeys. And look, we are really incredible, you know, incredibly busy building this company and to spread this work forward. But I always have space, you know, because there are others who have created space for me. And you find amazing connections through that. You know, I'm thinking about Quinn, who's a partner at a brand agency in uk, who heard me on a podcast called Me. We talked, and now we've had a series of conversations and we're exploring a collaboration together. So these things happen all the time. So second, keep yourself available. I do it. Even if it is. You say, I have 15 minutes in a day, and I'm gonna use that time to either reply to somebody or talk to somebody. Trust me, they'd appreciate you. But you might find and get something out of it that you hadn't even anticipated. The third thing I do, Anil and I did this exercise. I don't remember, actually, I do remember one of My clients, who had just lost his father, actually shared this with me. And since that day, I changed something. This was what he said. And I'm going to share this with our listeners and you, and I invite you to do this. Look up on Google if you don't already know what the average life expectancy is in your part of the world. If you're in the US you can use 78. From that number, subtract the number, which is the age of your parents. Okay, so my mom is going to be 80 soon. Life expectancy, 78, 80. Let's use my father. He's 75. So 78 minus 75, three years. Now calculate the number of weeks or hours or days you actually spend every year with them, or you think you're going to spend your regular pattern. For many people, it's a week or two weeks. Okay, so multiply 14 days if that's what you're going to do. Or two weeks times the time you have left. So if I did that 74, 75, 80, you know, that says if I only spend two weeks with them, that's 10 weeks. That's all we have left. It's a very low number, my dear friends. And once they go, they don't come back. When I did that math, for me, that was about eight years ago. And I talk to my parents every day, every morning. I use technology. My mom and I, WhatsApp. I talk to my father sometimes for five minutes, sometimes for 20, sometimes for 30. We don't really talk about anything. We just connect with each other, check into what's going on in their lives. And that connection plays such a big role for them, but it plays such a big role for me. You know, I'm no longer looking for those two weeks or three weeks. We connect every day. And I invite dear friends to do that, if you can, with your parents. Because, you know, most of us realize, oh, I wish, and we have regrets that we had spent more time with our families, with our parents, but by the time we realize it, it's too late. And, yeah, so I think those are three things now. You know, there's so many more, but those are just three, really. And by the way, these things don't take a lot of time, right? You know, sometimes if I'm working out, I'm going for a walk, I'll call my mom and talk at that time, right? Or if I'm out for a walk, I'll call a friend whose birthday so you can bundle these things with other pieces. But if we consciously Just integrate them into our life. We prioritize them, recognizing how important these are. You know, we start to shift and take action. That way we have to create space, otherwise we'll always be stuck in survival mode.

You know, Ashish, I love that. I think it's incredibly powerful what you've just shared, especially when it comes to parents. And there's no better day than today, than this present moment. And so if anyone wants to pause this podcast and give their parent a call, feel free. We won't be offended. In fact, we'll actually be quite grateful that you did. I'm sure your family, your parents, a brother, a sister, someone will be grateful that you did. You know, I too, Ashish, I speak to my mom daily and even if it's for 60 seconds, 90 seconds, and she'll say, oh, I just called to say hello. And I'm like, you know mom, you don't have to say that each time. But she loves to say it because like, it's like she doesn't want to feel like, oh, there's nothing important. And I'm like, you know, you're important, you know, and openly speaking, you know, when my mom calls, sometimes prior triggers, I feel a bit uneasy, I feel on edge and I really have to pause, take a deep breath and remind myself like, this is just 30, 60, 90 seconds of a phone call that's gonna bring a smile to her face and it's gonna make her day. And I think we sometimes underestimate and I wanna go back to your point on birthdays, I still recall cause it's that recent where I would rely on Facebook to remind me of it's so and so's birthday today. I've been off Facebook for a while now, so I now have plugged it into my diary and I get the alert and you're right, Ashish, the number of times I'll actually just send a WhatsApp message. But the times when I have called or have been called, it's a game changer because there's one thing about just sharing a message with somebody, but there's something else about, hey, so tell me, how are you going to spend your day? What's new? Have you been? And that reconnection, it suddenly takes that, that the meaning of that relationship to another level. And you know, back to your point on time, I mean, we relate that to our parents and their life expectancy, but if we relate it to the hours in a day we're watching a television show, the hours in the day we're stressed over something. The hours in the day we're making our way through our commute. There are those moments where we could just reallocate it to that phone call, that conversation, that connection. And Ashish, kind of with that in mind, what I'd love to do is there's something you discuss in the book, Ronald Burt's.

You know, Anil, before you go there, can I share something? Because you just. I was a bit split about sharing this, but I am because this is how big of a deal this is. I'm not going to name names to protect identities, but a story from one of the persons who I worked with really brought a tear to my life. And then I get overwhelmed thinking about this right now and you know who you are if you are listening to this. They recited this to me about, you know, they, I shared this practice about calling on birthdays and you know, they shared with me that they called a friend of theirs from college. They were best friends but they hadn't talked in 20 years and he called them on their birthday and the person picked up and literally broke down crying and said to him, I was going to end my life today because I never, I didn't think anybody cares about me. I'm alone. That call saved his life. Friends, one in ten around, you don't have a friend. 60% are feeling lonely. This practice of reaching out and connecting, truly connecting, you can save a life. So this is how important this is. And again I was torn about it but I really felt important to kind of highlight, you know, how big by the way of a role this, this practice can really play. You will literally, you know, you will help save a life.

Love that. And do you know, I think it just on reflecting on what you just shared, Ashish, it's. I know we talk about in traditional definitions of community, we think it's multiple people, groups of people, families, friends, acquaintances. But to your point there, it could literally be that one to one relationship.

Absolutely. It's not the quantity that matters, it's the quality. You know, some people, and by the way, it's not just for extroverts or introverts, we all need it. For some the number is three to five. For some number it is 30 to 50. It doesn't actually matter. It's about knowing that there are people who care for you and you care for and like meaningfully showing up and connecting. You know, that's really what it's about, my dear friends. And listen, if you're listening to this, you are part of our community. You are part of our podcast community. You know, we are connected. And if at the end of this podcast, you pick up something that inspires you to create one connection, send your energy through one of your connections, I invite you, please let us know, you know, post on LinkedIn on our podcast when we kind of release it, right to Anil and I. We want to hear those stories. We want to hear about how this truly, let's. Let's actually start our own connection revolution, a flourishing revolution. Right? Let's. The power of networks is so strong, right? If each one of us reaches out to somebody else, right, it'll be amazing. But if each one of us reaches out to somebody else one day a week. So that's five. Five people. And each one of them get inspired by it and reach out to five people. And each one of them inspired by that reach out to five people. Think about the wave that we can create of love, of connection, of community, of compassion.

Are you enjoying the show so far? Let me ask you a few questions before going back. Have you ever wondered why so many of us struggle with stress, anxiety and burnout and feel stuck in life? Heck, maybe you're going through this right now. Well, the reason for this lies in the evolutionary biology of our brains, which are hardwired for fear. It's part of the reason why our team named this podcast Happiness Squad. It serves as a reminder that happiness is what really matters and that we are in this together. And that is why we are so excited to share with you a resource to help you on your journey. One of our hosts, Ashish Guattari, launched a book, Hardwired for Happiness, and it is a number one Amazon bestseller. When you get access to this book, you will discover nine secular practices that can change your life and are backed by scientific evidence from psychology and neuroscience. Learn how you can integrate Hardwired for Happiness practices in every part of your life to unlock your best self, regardless of how busy you are. Shift from knowing to doing to being with a range of journaling, meditation and group coaching, exercises and so much more. Go to www.happinesssquad.combook to get access. Right now, we also have bonuses on the page that you don't want to miss. Once again, www.happinesssquad.com book. And now back to.

Love it. Do you know I shared this on a previous chat we had with Patrick Kreitzer, Right. I had a friend of mine who I previously worked with who would travel every Monday and every Thursday and every Monday when he landed, he would open up his phone and he'd scroll through his contact list and see who he hadn't spoken to in some time. And he would just ring that person just to see if they were available and say a quick hello. And for him, that was a New Year's resolution, because what he wanted to do is he wanted to reconnect. And so again, folks, when you're looking at your diary, you're looking at your phone, you're looking at your contact list, you're looking at your WhatsApp and say, hey, you know what? Rather than message this person today, why don't I just give them a quick call and see how they're feeling? Because I know there's that comment, hey, how you doing? Yeah, I'm good. I'm great. Okay, cool. And you click. How you feeling today? Today I actually got a phone call from my brother from another mother, and he knows who he is. And. And whenever he's overworked, whenever he's overstressed, he'll ring me up. And I kid you not, ashish, the first 30 to 60 seconds is a bunch of nonsense, right? The jokes that come out of his mouth, the things that he says. And. But you know what? I know that he's had a tough week because that's his way of reaching out. That's his way of wanting to connect and also, you know, unload. And we just spoke to Teresa Carpenter and we're going to release her episode as well. And it was a beautiful conversation because there's one thing she mentioned in her blog that goes out back to this example, this story that you kindly shared with us, Ashish, which is the powerful ingredient that the greats do is they ask for help. Right? And that's one thing that when I was speaking to my friend this morning, he's like, you know what? Some people don't know how to do that. Some people don't know how to reach out and ask for help, whether it be to an individual, to a family member, or even let alone to a group. And I think that's when we need to think about how we can unlock the power of communication, how we can unlock the power of community, of relationship. I'm really incredibly inspired by the story you shared, Ashish. And I feel like this is something that we should. I look forward to hearing stories, and I really do. Second that. If folks are open and comfortable to share, please do. This is the movement we're driving. This is what exactly we want to do is. Is stir and touch a billion lives through moments like this, through experiences like this through conversations like this, you know.

Anil and it just, you know, just, I mean, you know, this conversation has, you know, frankly it's, I mean it lights me up. This is hard. And we'll do a real time pivot. I put it in the text here for you. But initially we were going to record this as one podcast, but let's actually record a two part podcast. So let's continue going deep, you know, in the context of relationships and connections with friends and family because there is, I know, so much regret that people have around this space and they come to later. So I really want to dig into this and then let's actually record a second podcast around the role of community and networks for professional success and in the workplace so we can really do it justice. Because I truly, truly believe next to self awareness, community, doing it together can be such a big unlock for so many people around shedding off those chains, shedding off living life as a doing thing, as things to do versus truly enjoying life with what we've got with an amazing community of friends and family. I think it, let's. Are you okay with that if we do that?

I'm absolutely great with that. In fact, it resonates because if I can share a quick story. I just came back from a trip to Italy where I reconnected with a friend of mine from 15 years ago. And it's the first time I met her husband properly, the first time I got to spend time with her and actually hear her story, meet her kids, meet her friends. And the reason why it resonates, Ashish, is I just came on the back of my 15 year MBA reunion and again, I was grateful that I could be part of it. I saw nearly 100 plus friends that I haven't seen that live all over the world. And if there was one thing they each said is they just loved that this reunion was a time where people were just vulnerable. They were willing to open up, they were willing to just talk about each other and their lives and their kids and their parents. And you know, it was this amazing tipping point of, you know, not talking about promotions, not talking about, you know, fundraising or engagements or you know, client work or, you know, it was truly about really rebuilding those connections, those relations, that community and I and I. So yes, I think that this is one where, you know, in order for us to build a supportive community, as this practice states, I think it's really understanding, exploring what does it mean? Like why is it so powerful? Why is it so important? And so, you know, Ashish, you know, when you think about building these deeper connections, when you think about how we want to do this, like, what comes to mind for you? Because I always think about deepening understanding, deepening conversations, deepening and furthering being able to open up and not feel like you're going to be judged, not feel like you're going to be outed. That you have an opportunity to speak to one or multiple people about something that's burning inside you. And whether it's sharing a hope, whether it's sharing a dream, whether it's sharing a frustration, a challenge. Like, how do you see our listeners from listening to this podcast, shifting their mindset, shifting their behavior to being open up, to open up to this idea of connection, relationship, community.

Yeah, look, I mean, I would start, you know, I invite people, I think, frankly, let's start with where we are and our immediate families. Right. Just start at home because that is often front incentive for us. Right. Family is one of the most important things. When you ask people, hey, what's most important for you? It's my family, it's my kids, it's my, my wife, it's my husband, it's my spouse. Right. Significant other. And start there. Start by actually creating real meaningful space to connect with each other and share. Start there. You know, my dear friends, I invite you to consider your own, you know, family life. And we spend a lot of time talking. But what are most of your conversations about with your spouse? Are they about what we need to get done? What meal are we going to cook? What are we doing this weekend when we want to do grocery shopping? What else needs to be done? Or maybe you don't have the energy for that and you're just sitting in front of the TV and you're just going to watch a movie together or a TV show together. I think you are together. But are you really connected? Are you creating space to really check in with each other on how they are doing, what's on their mind? And even starting with a simple practice. It doesn't matter if you have kids or if your kids are already, they're at home, they're young, or they've already left, they're older and you're empty nesters, or maybe you don't have kids, it's just the two of you. Find the space. Find the space. Maybe go for a walk together without phones, without technology and truly connect with each other, truly see each other and connect on how they're doing. It doesn't matter if you're the sole bread earner or if you are a joint income family share. If there is something that you're struggling with, truly build the capacity to listen. You know, that's where I would start. Anil. I won't start with strangers. I would start at home. Because the first barrier to connection is our own fear of being judged or who wants to care about my problems, you know what I mean? So just start at home. Anchor on your bigger why and just start small. You know, just start small. Make it once, once a week. You're finding the time. When you come in, genuinely check in with your spouse or with your kids. How are they? How are you?

I want to set an intention here because this is something. So my wife and I, there are two examples I want to briefly share. One is when we cook dinner and we have dinner at home. We are a couple who occasionally will sit in front of Seinfeld and laugh and enjoy an episode of Seinfeld or the Office and laugh as we eat dinner. But there are those moments where we do enjoy switching off the tv. We have a dining room, going in there, sitting down and actually looking at each other and having a chat and actually laughing and playing. No, having that. But I'll tell you, the second time is this is where it's a game changer for me is she's asked me kindly, when we go out for dinner, she's like, can you just put your phone off to the side? And those that know me know I'm someone who likes to constantly check my phone, whether it's what's on the line, who's messaging. And she decided, she's like, when we go out for dinner together, please put it aside because you'll notice couples around you. Either both are on their phone, one is on their phone, or they're just sitting there quietly. And okay, we each have our own way of spending our time together. But I looked at Anika and I said to her, you know, I was like, okay, I accept. I accept that request. I put the phone down. And I'll tell you, it's a game changer because even if you're sitting quietly, you're still mindfully eating. You're still mindfully in that moment. And that connection that we built, that respect that we build between each other, it's like, no, nothing else is more important. My mind and my body is here. I'm here with you. And that to me, Ashish just allows me to feel strength in my relationship with her. And it's an invitation to our listeners who find themselves doing what I do, which is wanting to pick up that phone. Who else is thinking about me? Who else is wanting to talk to me? But Ashish, as you beautifully said, start at home, start strengthening, forging that relationship with your significant other.

Yeah, creating technology free moments, but also moments where you can just be together, distraction free. Because let's be clear, dear friends, it doesn't matter if you put your phones away. If you are in a family with kids, you will get distracted. And this is truly honoring each other with space. You know, I mean, it's the most beautiful, genuine connection that we can give each other. And I think it is really, really powerful. So, you know, I would, I would start, I would really emphasize, you know, starting there and talking about that connection and community and strengthening it. I would be remiss if I didn't mention this research, which I learn and I talk about all the time. And it was research done by John Gottman. He's one of the preeminent relationship researchers and he shared the power of this golden rule. Five is to one. And it goes like for every. The longevity of the relationship is driven by the number of positive to negative affirmations or interactions we have with our spouses. Right. So five is to one is the number that he recommends. And it is so easy because our families, our significant others do so much for us that we often take for granted. And if you can just focus again on what we have and safeguard against the four, what he calls the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, calls these the four Horsemen. Criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. If we can watch it for those and we can create more positive interactions, recognizing, appreciating, checking in, thanking, noticing, we truly can start to create that solid foundation at home that can then support an identity that can help us create solid foundations outside with our friends and that can then go on to, you know, broader community members, our work, et cetera. But we'll cover that in the next. We'll cover the work part in the next one. I mean, this can be transformative for even those who are searching for success and they feel that's where they need to put in that energy. Wait till you tune into the next episode and we talk a little bit around how big of your success is actually driven by the quality of your network.

I'm contemplating what's been shared and Ashish, I have to say this is something where there's so much to take from this conversation. Connection, strengthening, relationships, being interdependent, really putting aside technology and connecting. And I guess Ashish, one thing I wanted to ask you is we do offer a foundation masterclass that talks about how people can build these practices. They can almost form these habits over time. What would be your advice to folks? Because obviously we've shared a lot today and just as we start to wrap up, how would you want our listeners to maybe start to form one habit, one tip, incorporate integrated in their day and see the difference that it can make for them before they then progress and attempt to find.

I think great, great question, you know, whether, you know, start with an inventory of where you might be lacking, right? Immediate family, extended family, friends at work. Start by taking an inventory of where you have the biggest gap or where you have the biggest desire to kind of, you know, do something. Pick one area and in that area, pick one relationship. And literally, as you're listening to this, schedule it on your calendar for tomorrow. Start there, right? Really putting these things in, scheduling that time to connect can keep life from overcrowding it. You know, maybe it is family for you and maybe, you know, it's you set an intention. And tonight for dinner, after the kids have gone to bed, instead of tuning on Netflix, maybe you're going to just, just talk to your wife for like 30 minutes or your husband or your spouse, you know, just. That's what you do. Maybe it is that one birthday call that you're going to make. Maybe you check Facebook today and see whose birthday it is. And maybe you call them and just say, hey, Happy birthday. One step at a time. One step at a time is, I think, what it takes. And Anil, if I may, I would love to, you know, finish with, you know, we started with friends, we kind of got into family. I want to actually connect back and end with this beautiful passage from one of my favorite poets, Khalil Gibran, from his book the Prophet, that talks about friends, you know, because as we said, right, we think about self. We think about. Oftentimes it's good you think about self. A lot of people think first about work, then they think about our immediate family, then they maybe think about self. Friends get long lost. And friends are those that, you know, often have brought us so much joy in our lives. Friends often get lost. Here's a little passage to end this podcast. My dear friends, and it's by Khalil Gibran. And he says, a friend is your needs answered. He is your field, which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving. And let your best be for your friend. If he must know the ebb of your tithe, let him know its flood also for what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill. Seek him always with your hours to fill.

Thank you for sharing that Ashish. That was awesome.

Well I am blessed with so many friends but in particular Anil, I am blessed to have you in my life. Thank you. You are that friend for me that I can talk to anytime. Thank you. And my dear friends, hopefully after listening to this you are able to pick up the phone, connect with somebody and find that friend. Not with that hours to kill but the hours to live. Make them a part of your life and let's hardwire ourselves for happiness together.

Ashish, I echo your sentiments. Thank you my brother and I just want to say to everyone, big hugs and lots of love.

Speak soon.

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