Build a Supportive Community Part 2

Every one of us has a battle that we are fighting in our life in some front or the other. You know. For some it's a battle for worthiness. For some it's a battle with health. For some it is caring for a sick parent. For some it is, you know, worrying about a child. There's so many battles that we are fighting. We show up to work and they affect how we show up to work. But we often interact at the level of how somebody's showing up, not what they're carrying with them. Give yourself that gift to really get to know your colleagues. Connect with a mindset of curiosity and wonder and see the magic that emerges from that.

Hey there friends. Welcome to Happiness Squad. This is the podcast dedicated to helping you unlock your full potential by mastering the art and science of happiness. We bring on the best leading experts on these topics to help you unlock your true potential and live with more joy, health, love and meaning in your life. Your host is no other than the star combo of Ashish Katari and Anil Ramjiani who are both on a mission to provide you with an unfair advantage to be the masters of your experience and leaders in your industry. Get ready to be moved, challenged and enlightened on this podcast. It may change your life. Thanks for being here and joining the Squad.

Hey Happiness Squad. I'm excited to be with all of you and honored to be with Ashish as we explore his book Hardwired for Happiness. Chapter by chapter, we're on this journey with Ashish to explore how each of the nine Hardwired for Happiness practices that form the Sunflower are laid out so simply and beautifully. What I find incredibly unique is how Ashish takes what he has learned and shares several practices, studies, exercises that can truly change our lives in just a few minutes a day to help us lead a more purposeful life and unlock our full potential. Today we continue with the second part of our series on practice 8 build a supportive community with more applications to your personal and professional network and at work. In the last episode we unlocked how you can integrate simple practices with your friends and family. We explored the toxicity of loneliness and how it can be as bad for you as a pack of cigarettes. In this episode we will discuss several studies and share tips that apply this into your work setting. In this new era of remote working with community and building your network or your net worth is more important than ever. Ashish and I dive into this and share our own personal and professional reflections to cultivate vibrant connections with like minded individuals to experience a greater sense of belonging and support. Join us as we talk through how we can rewire for happiness together. Enjoy. Hey, Ashish, how you doing?

I'm wonderful, man. I'm excited to record the second part of our podcast on community.

Totally. You know, we. For those that kindly listen to the part one, we took a decision midway through the recording to actually split this conversation around the practice of build a supportive community. Because in the last episode we wanted to delve further into the friend side, the family side, of how important and powerful connections are really becoming interdependent. Really spending quality time with your significant other, your children, your. Your friends, and really seeing how you can prioritize them in your life. And I mean, you know, there were a few amazing tips that Ashish shared with us and I encourage you, if you haven't listened to it, go back to it. But I hope, Ashish, you've by now as have I rang someone up to wish them a happy birthday rather than dropping them a text message.

Yes.

So what we want to do now is we actually want to shift gears and talk about the power of building a supportive community, a network from a professional sense. And you know, Ashish, this is one that's. That I find quite interesting because I've always heard when it comes to your network, they're your net worth. And it sometimes has come across quite, you know, building a network is quite salesman. It's you're trying to build business. You're not really authentic, you're not genuine in that connection when you're building that, that group, that network. And I wanted to briefly from my side, you know, I went to do my mba, you did your mba. And I really found some amazing and positive connections in growing my network through the LBs alumni. You know, looking at how my network can help me basically identify expertise, insights, learning. But honestly, again, it came back to the same thing. I feel like a really good network is a network that you have a strong connection with. And so maybe just to kind of, you know, we got connected by our network. Right. Milan was kind enough to introduce us over Covid and here we are. And it's just that simple connection that opened up possibilities, you know, that we've known and that we have yet to explore. So maybe just back to you. What are your thoughts on building a supported community, Building a network from a professional sense?

Yeah, and listen, we'll talk a bit and I'll offer to our listeners some of the tips that have really helped me build a vibrant professional network that's really been at the core of my success. In the business world, really, it was at the core, from an early, early, early, early start to my career, in fact, and I'll tell you, places where my networks really came to my aid. Okay? And I start with even, frankly, the first. The first I was interviewed by Chicago Tribune, the newspaper in Chicago, you know, in 2004, I had been two years out of graduation that actually decided to do a. Do a piece on me because I had gone from associate to principal at this consulting firm in two years. It's like, it usually takes four, six, seven years. And I'd gotten there in two years. And they really wanted to talk to me about it. And they're like, you know, what helped you? What did you get out of Booth? And I always said to them, you know, listen, I went to Chicago Booth. I love the school. I went part time. Actually, I wasn't full time. And I said to them, the biggest thing I got from the school actually was the relationships. You know, I had come to the U.S. in 97. I literally knew a total of two people in the U.S. okay? And when I graduated from Booth, I think that's where a lot of my professional relationships really started budding. And when I graduated, even though I was only. I went part time. I was only there on Saturdays. I had two classes. So we were in classroom nine to 12 and one to four. When I graduated two and a half, you know, years later, I had relationships with over 100 people who I knew. I had taken classes. We. And had a very conscious strategy of never taking classes with the same person or like, being in a group, right, with the exact same people all the time. And so it was actually wonderful. But it was one of those relationships, one of those connections with a dear friend that we had built over case studies together at Chicago. Booth that became, you know, who called me. He was. He was actually at. At a food distribution company, and he had an opportunity, and he called me. And that client became literally the client that was the second largest client. It started with that, and then I think in the end, it was actually 60% of the revenue for that consulting firm that I was a part of. This was before I joined McKinsey. And so even from that date, it was like a really, really big driver. In fact, I will tell you, the second time that Networks really came to help for me was In April of 2002, in the midst of the tech meltdown. I was actually laid off from a consulting firm. And if you think about April, it's actually a very odd time, right? Because most interviews at Business schools actually happen in September, October, and I was actually on a work visa, so I wasn't a resident, I wasn't a citizen. And in that time, I was like, oh, my God, how the hell am I actually going to find a job? Like, the economy is tanking. It's not recruiting season. And again, networks. A friend of my friends who actually knew this principal at this consulting firm that I joined that I mentioned called me and he said, hey, there's this great guy. And they decided to do my visa. And I actually joined them in the midst of the tech meltdown. Right? This was a time where so many friends of mine who had joined Accenture and other places in September had their offers rescinded or delayed. And here I was actually getting a brand new offer in that time. And then the story continued right all the way through my McKinsey career. It was relationships that were at the heart of my rise, being connected to all these different groups. And we'll talk a little bit about, you know, just some of my insights from the space around networks, because not all networks are created same. Not all relationships are created same. And I have to tell you, I was. I. Friends, for those of your listeners, you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, Sheesh. If you know me already, like, you're such an extrovert. Of course it's easy for you. It's really hard for us because, you know, I. We don't feel comfortable. You know, networking feels easy to me. Trust me, I was, I was the, you know, I was very, very. This didn't come naturally for me. There was a fundamental mindset block that I had that once I overcome that, you know, everything just flowed smoothly and I got so much out of it and so many others in my network got so much out of it. So I'll share that little bit with you. But, you know, networks, suffice it to say, are one of the biggest. It is true. Networks are your net worth, but not all networks. You have to actually bring that level of consciousness around, an intent and persistent. Right. So it's about intent. It's about the consciousness from which you are actually connecting with somebody. And it's also persistent. You know, it is about kind of keeping in touch.

I want to compliment that with, you know, if. If you expect an outcome to come out of the network, I think that may be a bit of a mission. I think back to your point, the intent, having a genuine intent to connect, having that consciousness to open up and having that persistence to really, hey, I really want to connect with you. I really want to, like, see what's possible. I think that's, you know, it's different than really cold calling and hoping that eventually someone will want to get to know you or someone will give you the opportunity, you know, I just want to mirror your story. 2001.com bust had a contract, ironically, with a consultancy. It got frozen, it got pushed out and randomly. Ashish, I remember the email address of somebody I met three years prior in New York. I dropped him an email. 911 happened. Did not expect to hear from him. Two weeks later, he called me out of the blue and said, I saw your cv, I saw your email. I'd like to fly you out. I'd love to have a conversation and get to know you. Let's see what's possible. And I think back to your point, sometimes it doesn't matter, you know, if you're doing it for a reason or not. All it takes is just that one connection and then you can build the same thing with us. All it took was one connection and it builds. And so, Ashish, we've talked a bit here about our mutual art of the network and art of building this. Maybe if you can share your insight into the science of building a network, a community, and the power that professionals can unlock there.

Yeah. And also, you know, a really powerful place again. Right. So, look, not all networks are created the same. And we'll talk a little bit about the how of building a network. Right. And I think you. You kind of started going down towards it, for sure. I think generosity is the first and foremost principle. Well, intent is the first and foremost principle. What do you want? You know, what's your intention? What kind of a network do you want to build? But like, generosity is right there with it. You cannot build something if you're doing it to get something. You have to actually build something to give. Right. You have to do that. You have to start with that. I think it's really, really important. But let's talk a little bit about the science. And I think there are two people whose work has really influenced, and it was enlightening for me and actually discovered their work, believe it or not, Anil, in my business school curriculum. Okay. So I've known about them for a long time, and they informed the very early on 2002, I was very lucky actually to have taken that course. It was a course offered at Chicago Booth, called Network Structures of Effective Management. And it was really powerful because from a very early age, you know, I was 26 at that time. I learned the science behind networks. And so there are two people. One is Ron Burt. Now, Ron had, you know, researched this concept and studied the performance in the business world of what he called open networks versus closed networks. So let me explain what open versus closed means. Leveraging his work, right? An open network is really a network which is filled with, you know, what are called weak ties. But think about an, you know, a closed network as. Think about. Let's start with closed, because that's the easiest. This is the group that you interact all the time with, right? So it might be your team in the company. It might even be your, you know, immediate suppliers and customers that you spend a lot of time with, right? That's your immediate, if you will, okay? Networks, your closed network you spend a lot of time with. These are all people you're connected to. You know them, they know you. Your friends could be another one of those, right? If you hang out together, you've grown up together, business school colleagues that you've kind of gone to school with and kind of. They all know each other when they are in school. It's a closed network. The reason it's called a closed network is because everybody knows the same information, right? You're all in the know because you're working together. Contrast that with what he calls open network, where there are a bunch of people in your network, but you are the connector. They might not know each other. Okay, so I'll give you an example. Even though at McKinsey, you know, I worked in the same firm, you know, I had consciously knowing this, I had relationships, and I spent time with our procurement group, you know, people who did a lot of procurement work, who doesn't necessarily spend a lot of time with the product development group, who didn't spend a lot of time with the marketing practice. I also was part of two different sectors. I was doing a lot of work in consumer, and I knew many of the people there and also industrial, right? Those who were kind of serving big companies, large heavy machinery, those equipment companies. Now, the power is the following. Think about this as a sharp contrast to others who mostly spend their time just in a sector or in a function, right? The power was the opportunities of clients to serve, et cetera, et cetera, were very different across all of these five spaces. And implicitly, by being in the middle, I could actually have access to a lot of different opportunities that otherwise people won't know, right? Because otherwise, if you just belong to one practice or you're only connected to that practice, you know about all the opportunities there. But so does Everybody else, right? And this differentiator, this competitive advantage that you actually get in terms of information flows by belonging to completely different clusters is why, according to Ron Burt, when he did his research, when you look at the performance of these people in terms of compensation evaluation, how fast they get promoted, significantly higher, the more open your network, the higher is your success, the more closed it becomes, the lower is your success. Okay, So I think that's one insight. So actively thinking about creating and becoming part of networks or clusters that don't necessarily talk to each other, the other person who really influenced and kind of explained the science behind it was actually even earlier than Ron. Ron used to teach at Chicago. Booth was actually a guy called Mark Gravenowiter and he was a Stanford sociology professor who as early as 1973 introduced this concept of strong versus weak ties. So you'll notice how much this work mirrors. It explains the logic, why do open networks work? And yeah, better than closed. So strong ties are those ties which are characterized by deep relationships that exist. And again, you know, things you interact with. Weak ties are surface level relationships, mind you, their relationships and acquaintances. You might not connect with them all the time, but you do connect with them. So if you're in the industry, you can think about people you might meet at industry events, right? They might be people who are part of a non for profit that you're in a board of or even a professional board that you are. The beauty of this is that these people actually have access again to different information that's going on, right? Which is what's helping you. In fact, if we think about Milan, and classic example, Milan was that connector between his network with LBs and you, which is where you met. And he and I were part of the procurement practice at McKinsey. Right? And so he could connect us. Obviously, you know, forget about, again, it goes about the giving power of networks versus just what you get. But that weak tie that existed really helped us come together and create this beautiful community that we are creating, right? And that is the invitation, dear friends, to, to put, not put a lot of, kind of, you know, a simple way for you to expand and introduce a lot of these weak ties is join a community group, right? Join a group, join a community. You can reconnect with your alumni groups again because they're all probably at different stages of life and part of different networks. Join a professional association or frankly, just join us at Happiness Squad. Join our community. I think we have coaches, teachers, we have folks who are, you know, our more recent community members. We have a CFO who just joined. We have a retired chro executive who's a part of it. We have a behavioral science coach. We have somebody from Chicago. We have somebody from Amsterdam, we have somebody from London. You know, we have such diverse. We have somebody from Michigan. So there's so many different people. Right. This is the power of weak ties and open networks that when we connect and when we continuously invest in them, we are able to support them and they support us.

You know, this resonates on multiple levels. So I want to step back and go, you know, I was thinking about your, the point on open versus closed, and you answered a question I was going to ask you, which is, is there one that's more successful than the other or one that you should invest in more than the other? Which is, you can invest in both. But clearly, opening up and going broader is actually where the success lies. I think the other aspect around creating deeper relationships, stronger ties, can take those weak ties and really bring people together across networks.

And I think that's a beautiful distinction. Anil and I want to highlight that for our, for our listeners. Right. It is not that you only want superficial relationships versus strong relationships. What I'm trying to bring a distinction and I invite you to consider is in a time scarcity mode that we all live in, we tend to just spend time with people we spend time with and implicitly force ourselves into a closed network. That's not bad. What I'm inviting us to do is actually consciously create some space and some intent to also invest in that open networks. Right. So it's an. And I am not suggesting, hey, just go for open, screw closed. That's not the point. I think that closed networks, as we covered in our prior episode, those closed ties, those near friends that you've actually known for a long period of time. And I'm actually going to give you some statistics that I found that actually were really, really interesting, you know, in terms of actually the time it takes for those strong ties to really develop. And I think the number was something like, I think if you spend about 30 hours. Okay, so this was based on work done by Jeffrey hall in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 2018. Actually, he published it and he said that if you spend about 30 hours of time, you know, you kind of get into what's a casual friend. After 50 hours, they start to become what he calls real friends. He called them real friends. Right. Otherwise you just know them, they're acquaintances. And about 150 hours, 40 hours to become close friends. Okay, so 30 50. 150. So you need those 150 hours now. You don't need to spend 150 hours with everyone but the, you know, the weak ties. The beauty is you might only interact with them once or twice in a year going back, you might call them on their birthday or you're about to see them in event, or you're about to visit a town for work and you just see who else might be there and you might meet them for coffee or for a lunch. So it doesn't tend to be a lot, but I think it's about consciously thinking about and keeping in touch while obviously investing heavily in those strong tie networks.

That makes the difference, that makes, that makes sense. I'm going to give two examples at least from where I've seen these come to life, right. One is so working for Nike in corporate global company, it's really critical. The one phrase I've heard over and over is bring people on the journey. So if I think of a closed network within a business, I still think of their open networks within Nike because different functions as you laid out in consulting exist in corporate. You've got product, you've got finance, you've got sports marketing, you've got brand marketing, you've got business. How do you bring everyone together, connect them in order to make a decision to move forward? I do believe it's really important and therefore where I say some people have an interest in having accountability, ownership in the role they have. Building this network can actually strengthen your ability to influence. And by building that ability to influence and strengthening it and bringing people on the journey, you're strengthening your ties, you're broadening your connection, you're connecting networks and you're actually, like you said, you're giving people access to broader opportunities that they may not have originally had in their own closed network or silo. Hey, not to say that those are bad, but to your point, we are only, you know, strength in numbers, right? How do we help people grow above and beyond finding the same example for me personally when I think about, you know, strong and weak connections. I've been introduced to several people at various retailers who introduced me to people in various agencies. And funny enough, today I've been invited to one's 40th birthday, I've been invited to another's wedding. And what I find powerful about this is it's, it's what's quite cool. As you said, we don't have all the hours in the day to invest in these relationships, but it's back to quality. How Are you really ensuring that when you're with that person, even if it's for an hour, you're engaged, you're really conversing, you're exchanging ideas and there are times where I'll actually walk away, actually not to say to a fault, but before I leave, I'll say, hey, is there anything you need from me? Is there anything I can give you? Or I'll acknowledge what they gave me and say thank you for that. I'm going to apply that. Is there anything I can offer you in order to support you and what you're looking to do? Not to stimulate the give get, but to really demonstrate the commitment to the friendship, to the network, to that relationship. Back to your point on generosity. Investing in your happiness can profoundly impact your life, especially in today's stressful world. Research shows that happiness practices offer significant benefits, making it a wise investment for your future. But we're not taught to build lasting habits that can enable us to be happier. Are you ready to invest in your happiness? Then listen up. We've created the Integrated Happiness Program. Learn simple micro practices and integrate the nine hardwired for happiness practices into your life. Gain access to resources like the digital Happiness Masterclass Daily Happiness nudges. Live monthly sessions led by experts within a supportive community of like minded individuals. The Integrated Happiness Program reflects our promise for less than a dollar and a few minutes a day form simple neuroscience based habits to unlock success, health, resilience, satisfaction and creativity in your life. Achieve more not by doing more, but by being more. Visit community.happinesssquad.com for details and choose the right plan for you. This is backed by our 30 day risk free trial guarantee. Again the link is community happiness squad.com let's rewire for happiness together. Now back to the show.

I think it's one of the most important things that we can actually think about in our nature of being right is, is, is what you just said. And by the way, it's such a powerful way that also builds on, you know, the, the practice of compassion and kindness. You know, we are wired to connect with others. We are wired to help others. And so you know this notion of how can I help you? I always end my conversations and start my conversations. How can I be of service? How can I be of help? And look, you know, for people who start to say this initially it might feel if that's not your natural language or feel, you know, it might feel hokey. But trust me dear friends, when we ask that question, how can I be of service to you? How can I help you? And if we lead with that time and time and time again, that will start to become your identity. That's how identities form, right? Listen to our episode we recorded with Brad not that long ago. This notion of identities is then, you know, once you start to identify and that notion of service becomes embodied, everything magically changes, right? Because we are constantly, we have so much in this world today, and when we give, we get so much more. So it really orients us and it'll become second nature for you. So that's a really important one. You know, the other highlight that I would say, building on what you're saying is actually the following. Think about it at work, how many interactions we have, and we are literally when we are in those interactions, constantly engaging at the level of who you are, what your title is, what's your role, what do you need from me? We are so busy going meeting to meetings time and time, we never actually stop and adopt a mindset of curiosity and wonder to know more about the human behind that role, behind that title, behind that interaction. You know, I've done this work with companies where we do origin stories, where I'll have a team that's worked together, that are kind of working through something difficult and we'll just, over dinner, share origin stories. So I invite you, my dear friends, to try this exercise with the work, with your colleagues. You work at home, do it next week, schedule a time, go out for lunch, and the conversation is about what are two to three events in your life that have shaped you into who you are today? What are two to three life events that have shaped you into who you are today and values you hold dear. Okay? And just try it and see what emerges. See what emerges from that exercise. I've done this exercise with clients, teams that have worked together for 10 plus years, and they found a moment of connection and what actually united people together that they had never thought about. A CFO and somebody who was actually in their customer service team. You know, we were doing this, they're like, oh my God, I didn't realize that you grew up on food stamps, that you had the same journey as me. I always had a story about you that, you know, you are. You don't know what we are going through because what do you know? You make so much money. What do you know about my suffering? And when I heard that, you know, it really made me question and say, wow, maybe I need to understand better because I had just written what you were trying to do off as not knowing, not caring. Right. Or this notion and this notion of what? You know, look, friends, every one of us, you know, just look at yourself. Every one of us has a battle that we are fighting in our life in some front or the other. You know, for some, it's a battle for worthiness. For some, it's a battle with health. For some, it is caring for a sick parent. For some, it is worrying about a child. There's so many battles that we are fighting. We show up to work and we don't actually. And they affect how we show up to work. But we often interact at the level of how somebody's showing up, not what they're carrying with them. Give yourself that gift to really get to know your colleagues. Connect with a mindset of curiosity and wonder and see the magic that emerges from that.

I find that incredibly beautiful because one of my favorite questions when I meet people is, hey, so tell me your story. And the reason why I say that is when you first meet someone, let's say not at work, let's say at an event, or, you know, at dinner, friends, you know, it's, what do you do? You know, you almost are, you know, and that question triggers what profession they're in. Oh, okay. This person wants to know what profession I'm in. Probably looking for something, you know, an angle. It, you know, you. You just reframe it to. So, hey, you know, what's your story? What do you enjoy doing? You know, what are you passionate about in life? And you almost connect that person on that individual level. And that may be hard for some because some may feel uneasy to open up themselves, let alone ask someone else to open themselves up, you know, to someone you may not know very well or someone you're looking to get to know. In fact, at Nike, one thing that we do is we're famous for grabbing a coffee. So you'll get a random email in the inbox that says, from an intern or from someone junior or someone senior, hey, you know, I've heard about you. Or I saw what you were doing. I saw you in a presentation. Would you like to grab a coffee and chat? And I'll tell you, Ashish, it's game changing because suddenly you're having a coffee for 5, 10, 15 minutes and then you're almost looking for, okay, so hey, you know what? What are you interested in doing? How can I be of service again? How can I support? Who can I connect you with? Who can I, you know, help you learn more, to set you up for success, for where you want to go? And what you want to do. And I'll be frank, you. There are times I've. I used to meet people who I could tell were doing this, to angle in and try to find a way up. But as soon as you open up that personal side, you get to know them, they get to know you. You remove or reframe those assessments, as we love to call them, those stories that we either we think we heard or we formed. It's game changing. And I kind of want to shift gears, Ashish, and ask you another question on this. So I just kind of share an example of how in today's day and age, we're able to meet in an office, we're able to have a coffee, have a chat, meet in a conference, and as you said, really open up and share origin stories. You know, really share who we are and what we do more so. Or, sorry, what we're about more so than what we do. But we live in an era now where remote working is taking over. It's becoming more commonplace. And so what I wanted to ask you was when we think about how people are building their network, how they're building community without meeting in person, like you and I, we met on Zoom for the first time.

Yep.

How can. How can we advise or help people in this remote space start to form community network, developing connections from afar.

It's a great conversation and for our listeners, you know, if you don't experience, if you haven't already experienced this, bro. Love that Anil and I have for each other. Yes. We met on Zoom. We connected a couple of times. You know, Zoom meetings are classic 40 minutes. Right. We don't even know we connect. Yes. Da, da, da. And then we were traveling through Europe last year. This was while I was, you know, I was leaving the firm and I'd taken the summer off to spend time with my family, really just together, traveling. We were going to go through London, so I met up with Anil for the first time and we talked for six hours. Six hours? Yes. You are listening it, you're hearing it correct. Nonstop. And at the end of it was the. Was born the idea of the Happiness Squad podcast. Because we're like, if we just recorded the six hours, that would have been an amazing conversation. Right. Constant flow. So look in person, you never can replace that with remote. Remote has a really important role. We can connect. And I'm going to share some tips on how you can do it in remote settings as well. But let me be very clear. The research now has been done extensively and for leaders who are kind of looking to design their workplaces for the coming years. What Gallup is finding, what we found at McKinsey, what Thrive has found. There's so many companies who've now validated this, right? So this is not just when we started Covid and we were figuring out the future of work and what should be the right kind of operating model, we didn't know the answer. We know it today. Two to three days in the office is what works the best. It actually combines the need for flexibility, autonomy, and living our best lives and doing all the things that we need to do personally with the need for connection, the need for actually truly learning from each other. In collaborating, there is nothing like physical, right? So for all those who are kind of hold back to say, no, no, no, it's all about remote, trust me, especially if you're younger in your career, there is nothing more that will actually help you than spending time in physical proximity with your colleagues. Because oftentimes the learnings happen by hearing what the way the other person is talking to a client. Right. Or those kind of water cooler moments where you bump into somebody else and you kind of connect. So really, really important. But it's also really important the more tenured you get. In fact, you know, even pre Covid, when they looked at the research around, how do people who are in person versus remote, you know, progress, Those who were remote actually had a huge handicap. It didn't matter how well they performed. Okay? So it's really important now. It is important when we think about redesigning our workplaces that truly we do need to rethink. We work by making a real intention around why do we show up in the office and what's the role of the office as a way to connect and collaborate. So really important to do that. But having said that, don't let that hold you back from forming genuine connections remotely. Number one is just genuinely setting an intent, right? Setting an intent. When you set up a meeting, make sure that you don't have something urgent before or after. Actually, when you send a request to somebody, tell them why you're reaching out to them, why this conversation is important, what it is about, and make sure that they have the mental space and you have the mental space to truly, truly connect. Right. Second, connect with curiosity and wonder. Ask them about their origin stories, where they've come from. Share a bit about yours. You know, we often. This is the mindset that I alluded to that often held me back. I felt that if I reached out to somebody senior, I was Imposing on their time. And so that was one thing that held me back. Okay, that I was imposing on the time. What the hell do I have to offer to them? Why will they want to meet with me? And by recognizing that I actually did, you know, I was in the firm, I had, you know, as a younger colleague, you know, what I did have was I did have lots of capacity where I could help people, you know, and I wanted to genuinely hear people love to talk about their stories and share. We want to kind of advise and mentor, connect with others. Right. So I think that was. That was a big insight for me that I had to overcome my own kind of not enoughness of like, what do I have to offer? We all have amazing life stories, we have amazing experiences. We can always offer. So it had. I had to overcome. So, like, really connect, right? And lead with that question of how can I be of service? How can I help? That, by the way, gets at the heart of feeling like, you know, a snake oil salesman. I'm not here to pitch you anything. I actually don't need anything from a connection other than a genuine getting to know somebody, because there's a beautiful human sitting on the opposite side who has an amazing life story. I mean, that life story is richer than a book that you can read. Right? Your life story has so much richness, complexity, learnings, growth experiences, you know, shared things that you might even know, not know that exist. Right. I mean, you and I connected on a podcast. You had a podcast. It was kind of similar, but we've discovered so many commonalities. The fact that you actually grew up in, in Denver and you went to see you, right? And we like so many. I mean, there is so much that when you actually start to kind of discover and then we connect on our nail being so curiosity and wonder, a serve, you know, true. With a mindset of giving. And then, by the way, when you connect, when you connect, just connect. Like, don't be distracted. A lot of time. People spend time in meetings, but they're also trying to like, multitask. So if somebody sets up time with that intent, really be there. It might even be just a 10 minute conversation, but it can really make a big difference. It can make a big difference. And I'll give you one more thing that we tried in the midst of COVID that was transformational. Okay. We did this at work, we do it at home. And it is this most commonly asked question and that is filled with so many wasted opportunities for connection. It doesn't matter whether you're in person or remote, how are you? How often are we like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's how are you? To become like, hello, I'm fine, great. I'm not interested in knowing how you are and you're not really interested in telling me how you are. It is just a throwaway of how are you? I'm fine, Great, awesome. I'm busy. Okay, yeah, I am too. Let's move on. But let's use that moment of how are you? As a genuine connection point, you know, checking in with the other person, how are you? And if somebody says fine, ask the question again. No, how are you really? How are you really? And just listen and share. That is how, my dear friends, we can take something that we do 15 times in a day and convert them to real, meaningful connection opportunities. And listen, even if you share a minute at a time, both of you, it's a 30 minute investment. But trust me, it is going to get you so much further ahead and you genuinely are able to offer find camaraderie, find connection in an increasingly lonely work right where you are, at work, right where you are.

Do you know, Brene Brown has used an expression that I love, which is there's further, faster and there's slower, closer. And what you just highlighted, Ashish, are several tips, several examples, several ways that we can truly just be a bit slower and get a bit closer. Whether we're in person. Let's get physical. Sorry, I couldn't help. That song was actually going on in my mind as you were talking about that, you know, or if you're digital and you're remote, you know, but you know, there's a point that you mentioned that I really want to highlight and that is, you know, and this is something we're all guilty of, when we go into the office and we're looking to connect with people, we end up being on zoom. My invitation is come off zoom. Ideally go into that meeting room and don't multitask because I know we want to do that. Okay, I get it. Some meetings are you don't feel you're fully involved, fully needed, maybe if anything, pull out of that meeting because honestly, if you're not really present, you know, that hour could probably be used better getting to know someone or actually getting the work you need done, done. We'll come back to it, to that another time. But I do feel that there is a power in truly meeting with people in the room or at over a coffee when you're in the office. So if you can almost set your diary up this is something I do when I know I'm going in for eight hours, nine hours, I'll plan to work one or two of those hours, be in a meeting for two or three of those hours, but then try to actually have lunch or coffee or as we've talked about in a previous wellness podcast, go for a walk with somebody, go and have a chat, move around, you know, get that movement, that mobility and in your day, rather than just staying seated at your desk or in a meeting room. I also want to highlight something that Ashish, we've talked about in a previous podcast, which is around how do people, when they're actually looking to form a community, professional or not, get to know people that they're not really, they don't really know? And that comes back down to the like mindedness. And you know, something that we're building within the Happiness Squad community is how do we bring people together to find a way to share their hopes, share their dreams, share their issues, share their challenges. And I really do feel that this is an opportunity for us to come together and express ideas, share ideas, find people that you may not have normally known in a safe space. So I think this is where we have an opportunity to build those types of networks, those types of cohorts within the Happiness Squad community. You know, I'm excited. You know, I mentioned in a previous cast, I'm a graduate of London Business School. I've got amazing alumni, amazing friends through the program. We reconnected during our reunion and an idea was born. What if we form a cohort on the Happiness Squad with LBs? And so I'm now inviting members of my program, members of my class in to basically go on this journey together. Because I think about it, you know, you want to go to a yoga program or yoga class or a PT or a spin class, you'll try to find a couple of people and do that together, together and share that journey and share those opportunities together. Why not do something like this together? So, hey, this is an open invitation to our listeners. If you have, you know, classmates, if you have peers, if you have friends that you would like to do something like what we're doing together. Rewiring for Happiness program is going to be launched here soon and we're excited to share that name with folks. Join us. This is where we want to broaden our network. We want to broaden our community. The dynamic aspect of it, the like mindedness space of it. So yeah, it's something that's powerful. And you know, right now, Ashish, I know when we meet as a group through this community, it's virtual. We've, I've actually got some ideas brewing of how we can actually bring some of the Happiness Squad community moments together, physically live in person. So that's something we're excited to do. So, hey, let's find a way to disconnect. Let's find a way. Ashish, as you. Beautifully said. Number one, when you meet and you're looking to grow your network and therefore your net worth, bring your intent, set that intent, bring that curiosity, that wonder, that desire to truly create that connection. Number two, the generosity. Be open to seeing what you can offer, what can be offered to you in that moment. Whether it's a 5 minute, 10 minute or 15 minute conversation, it can be powerful. And the third is be open to listening. I think sometimes it's great. We come into a meeting, we come into a conversation and we, you know, we've got one mouth and two ears. If you didn't set up that conversation, the other person did just listen. You know, it'd be amazing what you may get to know about them. As you alluded to it earlier, you may have had an impression or not had an impression, but suddenly now you know somebody new for the first time and here's an opportunity to get to know them and find new ways, new possibilities for you or for them or for your team. So I just want to say, Ashish, this was absolutely powerful. I loved learning in the previous cast how we can build a supportive community with friends and family, with our loved ones, but also how we can apply this in developing an open network, connecting groups, strengthening ties and really bringing people together. And it's what we're doing, what you've done, what we've done together. And I kid you not, anytime I tell people a story about how you and I met, they, like you said, they still. It's mind blowing. And so that's what we want to do, folks. We want to connect people. So, hey, with that, Ashish, I want to pass the mic back to you. Any closing thoughts for you before we wrap up? My friend?

All I would say is I'm incredibly grateful to our dear friend Milan. You know, networks have always played a big role. By the way, the other person I hope she's listening is Juni, somebody else who we got connected to. She's a part of the Happiness Squad community.

Yes.

And I got connected to her with somebody who I had a chance to with work with 17 years ago. His name is Bob Lambert, who runs the Good Faith Radio. He's a unbelievable sales and business development guru. And you know, when he found out that we were launching this this work in this company, he connected me with Juni. And what an opportune time because Juni was a behavior scientist. She actually taught with Dr. BJ Fogg and she and I could actually collaborate to really integrate that science, the neuroscience of habit formation into the class that we ended up creating. So, my dear friends, I promise you, truly consciously investing in your network at work and investing in an open network that you create around you. It'll be an investment that will pay you back. Not 10x but 100x over time. But but as Anil said, you have to build it with an intention of giving. So when we connect, give and that will come back 100x take and that'll shrivel away right away. So with that parting thought, I leave you. Thank you so much for listening. It is such a joy. Please let us know what of these resonated with you. Write on LinkedIn Share this podcast with Others we can definitely appreciate your help in growing our community on the podcast and for the Rewire program that we're launching with deep felt gratitude and lots of love. Take care and take care Anil for such a beautiful conversation.

Hey, Big hugs Ashish. Lots of love to you.

I hope you enjoyed the episode today on the Happiness Squad podcast. Make sure to hit subscribe on your chosen platform that you listen to us on. If this episode made you think of someone, take a screenshot and share this podcast episode with them. Go to www.happinesssquad.com where you can catch the show notes for this episode and learn more about us and the community we are building. The community is where we gather weekly to practice and connect with other learners, teachers and practitioners working together to unlock our best selves. Lastly, follow along on Instagram at myhappinesssquad for tons of behind the scenes as well as short videos designed just for you. It's where we hang out in between episodes once again. Www.happinesssquad.com all links can be found in the description below. Until next.

Sam.