Living Intentionally

If we want to really make our intention come true. Remember that one of the reasons we talked about why people don't stick is they choose either too many goals or they choose too lofty of goals. Don't choose lofty goals. Focus on one thing at a time and choose small things. The idea is make things small. 5 minutes or less super easy to do. If you do it, higher are the chances that you stick to it. Celebrate when you are successful.

Hey there friends. Welcome to Happiness Squad. This is the podcast dedicated to helping you unlock your full potential by mastering the art and science of happiness. We bring on the best leading experts on these topics to help you unlock your true potential and live with more joy, health, love and meaning in your life. Your host is no other than the star combo of Ashish Kothari and Anil Ramjiani who are both on a mission to provide you with an unfair advantage to be the masters of your experience and leaders in your industry. Get ready to be moved, challenged and enlightened on this podcast. It may change your life. Thanks for being here and joining the Squad.

Hey Happiness Squad. I'm here to be with all of you today. An honor to be with Ashish as we explore his book Hard Ride for Happiness. Chapter by chapter. I'm on this journey with you and Ashish to explore how each of the nine practices that form the Sunflower can help us form habits that can change our lives in just a few minutes a day to lead a more purposeful and meaningful life. Today we celebrate our one year anniversary for the Happiness Squad as we continue and complete practice number nine, Living with Intention. We discuss the iceberg model and practices that will help us address those underlying behaviors or fears that limit us from fulfilling our intention. We also discuss how we can create space and tap into that unused potential. Ready to hear more? Well join us as we talk through how we can rewire for happiness together. Hey Ashish, how you doing?

I am amazing Anil. I'm like really feeling right now. So blessed and top of the world, you know. Because today with you and with our listeners, we are celebrating the first birthday of Happiness Squad. A year ago I left a 17 year career with McKinsey, 25 years in consulting, worked for somebody my whole life to start something of my own and start something of my own on a path that I've never felt. More in line, more coherent with why I was born and my mission here which was to democratize happiness to help a billion people live with more joy, health, love and meaning and really make happiness their competitive Edge for individuals, for teams and organizations. There is so much we can learn from the science of flourishing, from the science of happiness, that if we integrate them, we can truly be at our best. And when I mean at the best, I don't mean just more productive, right? We can be our best in terms of the kindness we can give to each other. We can be at our best in terms of the outcomes we create for our communities. And we can be at our best in terms of our creativity and innovation that we use to serve and solve the problems in the world and of our customers. We can truly be our best. And I am so excited, Anil, because a year ago, we didn't know where all of this was going to go. But a year later, we've had a book that's actually reached close to 5,000 people. We've had about 9,000 people who have actually listened to this podcast. We have reached over 10,000 in total, just through keynotes, workshops, 30 plus companies that we've had a chance to engage. And we've got two amazing offerings. Right, We've got two beautiful offerings that you've been so much part and center in creating. I am humbled by the support we have gotten. I am encouraged by how much this message is resonating with everyone. I'm smiling and I feel so much joy in my whole body and just love for this universe.

Ashish, when we first met during COVID you know, you asked me, hey, can you give me some best practice tips and ideas on podcasting? I said, yeah, sure, no problem. And then we met a year later, and you're like, hey, would you like to actually work with me on the podcast, actually be my co host? I said, absolutely. That sounds great. And then a few months after that, after you shared your vision, you're like, hey, do you want to come on the journey and, you know, and change lives? And I said, ashish, it would be an honor. And since the first day we met until now, and, you know, the days ahead, I just have to thank you for the change you've made in my life, in the lives of those that know me, that are around me. And I'm truly excited for what we're going to create and how we're going to take this forward. So to all our listeners, when it comes to podcasts, when it comes to tips, when it comes to content, when it comes to programs, we truly have you in mind when we're creating them and all the feedback and support and love and appreciation we've received, we're grateful. But Guess what? As Nike says, there is no finish line. So we're off to the next race and there's a lot ahead.

Yeah. And you know Anil, we are going to talk in this podcast about intention, right? The ninth practice in Hardwired for happiness to some extent. If self awareness is the start of the bridge, intention is the end of the bridge. Because, you know, there's so many people who can start on it, but unless we are really solid on the other end and we stick to the path, we can't get there. And my own experience over the last year as I have leaned and moved more with intention towards my inner calling, my purpose, the gifts that I have received, the gifts I've received in terms of people who have come into my lives, Anil, like you are one of the biggest ones of those, you know, people I met you and I didn't know each other. Like there's so many people who listen to us and they go like, oh my God, like how long have you known each other? I'm like, I hadn't met Anil till June, July, last year in person. And when we met, you know, we talked for six hours, right? Like we talked nonstop for six hours. And we knew if we just recorded that, that would have been six episodes of a podcast. But you know, more than that, my friend, like, you know, all the stuff you're doing for us and helping us spread the world around, marketing, just, you know, working together with UB and such a joy in creating this show. Thank you for everything you do on this mission.

Grateful most welcome. Like I said, and I can t say it's been an honor and I'm excited for today because I'll tell you what Ashish, when it comes to intention setting, this was one that I needed to learn and I needed to break down. And so you know what, I'm going to ask you to now jump into it with me. Tell me Ashish, help our listeners understand. When you talk about living intentionally, I know it's not a task list, I know it's not a to do list. What is living intentionally for you?

Yeah, look, you know, intention is a very powerful word and I think we can spend 2, 3 hours unraveling all the magic that resides in there. You know, for me it starts with actually knowing your North Star. You know, what is our bigger why, what are we in the service of and always using that North Star. Right? Our intention of where we want to go as a way to kind of navigate the day to day life. Right. You know, how many of Us have seen, you know that staircase, right? Have you seen that 1% a day move up or like this straight line? How many of us experience life as a straight line? Never. You know, life feels more like. Life feels more like we're on a sailboat roller coaster.

Yeah, right. Okay.

I equate it to a sailboat because you know, you know where you want to go. If you don't know where you want to go, you won't get anywhere. But even if you know where you want to go, you are at the mercy of the wind, right? And some, very rarely is it a straight path forward. And that's how life is, right? We don't control. We can decide where we want to go. And I think it's really, really important to set that intention both on who we want to be and where we want to go. But then we have to be willing to let go and react to what is emerging in the environment around us. Tacking as needed, taking corrective action, always course correcting, guiding our way towards that. And to me, that is a part of intention. You know what else is the part of intention? For me, that's the out there intention, right? There is another part of this intention which is, think about it this way. Nothing out there has been created before it was created in here. Nothing in the outside world gets created without it actually first being created in somebody's inside world in their head. Right? And so there is a power of intention which is even before something has happened, how do we internally tune into that? How do we hold that? How do we visualize us getting there? And how do we use that power of intention to put energy out there? To put. And especially if it's in the service of something bigger than ourselves, in the service of others. How do we put that out there? And how do we use the power of that and that power of that ask. To really call in allies, to really call in, you know, magical forces is just the way I experience it from the universe. To help us get there, right? To help us get there. And I've experienced it. And look, I'm an engineer, I'm an mba, I'm a booth finance guy. I mean, I'm a goddamn McKinsey partner for 17 years. It's all about analytics and facts. And I always thought this stuff was all kind of voodoo, mystic, you know, kind of. Come on. This stuff is not real. I'm actually really excited about this book, Anil, that comes out next year. It's by Dr. James Doherty. I think he's at the greater Good center at Berkeley or is he's in California and he's a neuroscientist and he's actually writing a book on the power of manifestation. Slightly different than intention, but on the power of how we can manifest things out there and how our brain actually changes through that power of visualization, intention manifestation, how we manifest things out there by setting intention in here. And I'm so excited for it because it actually brings a very scientific view into something that has been considered this world of woo woo. And you know, I don't believe it kind of world do you know.

But that's what's fascinating about this is I think that when you mentioned this a few days back when we were with a group of some of the London Business School cohort, we were talking about this and I think, you know, people look at intention, they see intention, they think, they figure it as. Yes, it's something that if I truly care about something, I need to keep it in my line of sight. If it's something that's important to me, I need to keep it front and center. But you're absolutely right. I think when it comes down to what you just mentioned, manifestation, I don't really think people truly understand it or truly appreciate it. They probably do liken it to something that again, sometimes things you don't understand, you're probably going to look at it as witchcraft or as like magic and you're not going to really appreciate it. So ashish from this, in terms of the importance of setting and living intentionally, why do you feel maybe some of our listeners struggle with setting their intention?

Yeah, well, and let me actually expand it even a little bit bigger, both around the importance of it, but also what gets in the way. You know, what do we know from research? Right. As you and as you and I have aspired, I think we want to make this be as much research back. Right. So if you look at it, on average, there was a 2016 research that was done that found that only 9 to 12% of the people actually, actually keep their New Year's resolution. Right? So think about that. 9 to 12% of the people, there's about 50%. 40, 40, 40% who make resolutions, but only 9% get there.

Right.

That's crazy. Right? So we, even when we set intention, we set a resolution, we don't follow through. And I think it boils down to what we were discussing, you know, with the London Business School cohort earlier this week. I think there are three or four big reasons that get in the way and that's what this intention setting practice is all about. The first one is the goals are just unrealistic, you know, And I loved what we discussed with one of your colleagues. Yeah. Which was, hey, you want to have less sugar in. In. In your tea? Don't go cold turkey. Maybe instead of two teaspoons, start with one, then go from one to half. Don't try and say, I'm going to do a 5k today. How about I walk 50 steps today? If you never ran, Right. Starting small, not setting unrealistic goals is one of the biggest reasons, one of the biggest ways in which we can increase our chances of successfully living into our intention. 33% of people who fail to keep it, fail to keep it because they don't keep track of their progress. Again, putting together a simple tracker, whether it's digital, if you are a premium member with us, you have access to our hardwired for happiness journal. We've created a sheet there which is really simple that you can use to track five to six things you do daily. That can be powerful, Right. So people keep. Don't track a progress. Or if they miss one day, they don't just say, oh, I missed one day. Let's start again. Remember Patrick talked about that power of don't set goals for seven days a week, Set goals for five days. Friends, go back and listen to that podcast with Patrick Kritzer. Right, Kryster. It is really, really powerful. And, you know, the other one is just too many resolutions. Right? I'm gonna stop drinking. I'm gonna work out. I'm going to be kinder. I'm gonna read every day. I'm going to be mindful. Don't do that. Let's start with one thing. Let's make it really small and let's track it, and let's actively shape our environment to support it. And that allows us to not just set an intention, but, you know, start to live into it.

So on the back of that, I totally agree with you. I mean, I still remember to this day my father telling me on, you know, January 1st, what are your New Year's resolutions? Right? And I can. I'm not in that 9%. I'm in that 91% camp who didn't stick with it. And one mindset I tried to bring to it was, well, you know what? Every day is the start of a new year. So an invitation to our listeners is, hey, you know what? Don't wait until January 1, 2024, to set you a resolution or set an intention as you Mentioned it could start as simple as now or tomorrow with one small step, one thing that you can do differently that could make a change. And as you do that more, you do it more frequently. It'll naturally become a habit. And I want to shift gears, Ashish. And actually there was something you and I spoke about earlier. When it comes to commitments and how we may struggle with them at the behavioral level. I mean, I for one, am someone who I really want to go for a workout, I want to go for a run, but I'm stuck at work. Or you know what? I really want to take care of this one piece of work. But I've got these five other things to do. Maybe, Ashish, help me understand what may be going wrong with me if I'm not able to step back from the work I'm doing and go for that run. Why, I probably just stay at my desk, eyes glued to the screen, and then, you know what? 10 o' clock at night rolls around and I regret, why didn't I go for that run? I really need that run. I could have used it. Instead, I stayed glued to the screen. What. What's going on with me? Why? Why am I feeling that?

Yeah, look, I mean, it's a beautiful question and I think it's an important question that we need to spend enough time because we often think about what we want to do, but we don't spend enough times about why haven't we been successful in the past? Right. And you know, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Right. So let's dissect it. You know, the model that we talk about, and I feel, you know, in all the individual shifts that I've been able to help clients make, is this iceberg model. Right? If you think about humans as icebergs, anil at the top is the behavior. It's what we want to do. You want to work out more, you want to work out every day. Okay? That's the behavior. And what you want less of is I always choose work over working out. So that's the from to shift, right? Where it's not like you don't want to work, but you also recognize that, hey, when you work out, you're actually better, you feel better. You know all this, right? Cognitively, we know all this, but still something gets in the way. And our answer to that is, let me just push through. I'm going to use raw brute force. I'm going to use willpower. I invite you, dear friends, to actually rather than go straight through the obstacle. Let's actually dive and go underneath the iceberg to see what lurks underneath that keeps you from getting there. So behaviors, what we do out there comes first from what we think in here, right? So thoughts, those thoughts, as we have talked about in the awareness podcast, if you haven't listened to it, please go back, listen to it. Is beliefs what we believe to be true or not true? How do we think about the impact of not working out in the near term versus the impact of working out or even what do I believe? Right. I mean, I use this statement all the time and it is so wrong. And I'm looking to change that. Right? Where I always believe for the longest time, I'm built for comfort, not for speed. Hence, it means don't do anything athletic. Right? So wrong. Like, it is not true. It is not true. Just because till now that's not a muscle that I've built doesn't mean you can't do it forward. Right? So, as you know, at the beginning of the year, Anil, I started running and I did 5k in about 5 weeks. So this notion of I can't run is not true. It's not true. No. We can all do amazing things. You just have to start small. So thoughts are really important. You know, the second thing underneath thoughts is feelings. And this is an interesting one. And because we always feel first, the feeling arises first that then our brain says, when did I feel this? What happened in the past? And hence we make sense of the thought, the story, okay? Oftentimes that feeling, if we have failed at certain things, when, when we think about moving out there, that gets in our way because that gets stuck, right? So is there a story I'm holding in my mind, but is there a story I'm holding in my body that is actually keeping me from doing that work? Underneath feelings are our values and our priorities, our needs and our fears. This is. We get into really interesting space and I think this is where we really need to go. So if you consistently prioritize work over health, and I do that too, there is an implicit script running underneath, which basically is saying, or if you prioritize work over relationships day by day by day, there is an implicit story that there are two stories going. One story is, I can take away from this. If I take away from an hour of workout today or an hour with a loved one today, the implications of that are not as big as if I take out an hour from work because now somebody else is going to give me feedback or it's, you know, I'm not going to achieve something. And the feedback will be right away. Our feedback from our loved ones and our bodies is not immediate, my friend. Right? It is much longer, it's much later. So there might be an underlying story here that is actually keeping us from really living into that. And unless we address that story, we can keep putting our will all we want. There is also an underlying, you know, maybe what happens is. And I picked this up from Dr. Clay Christensen in his book How Will youl Measure youe Life? You know, and he highlighted the fact that, you know, we always prioritize and make investments in the short term over long term because we value the returns in the short term more than the long term. And work provides so many opportunities for short term feed input, right? You go an hour extra, your boss or somebody else say, oh my God, this is amazing, you're a rock star. Thank you for doing this. Right? You get that gratification right away. And we all kind of have our own sense of kind of, you know, not feeling enough is the what 96% of the people suffer from. They have their own version of not enough. And work gives us a way to feel enough. Right? So there is so much underneath there in terms of our needs and fears. So my invitation, dear friends, is if you are looking to make a shift from behavior A to behavior B, rather than go through it, actually go underneath to explore how you might yourself be sabotaging yourselves because there is a different need or a fear or a value or a priority because that is much stronger, much more embedded against what you want to do. And unless you shift and move on that level, anything above will be incredibly hard. And even if you're successful for a week or a month, it's not gonna be sustainable because that other thing, if you don't address it, will come back stronger and sabotage.

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Ashish, I totally agree with that and I think that, you know, just to just to repeat that because this is something that I want to keep front and center for me. Unless you address that fear, which we're all at the moment wired for fear, the other thing isn't going to happen. So if I have to choose between finishing my work or going for that run, if I'm afraid I'm not going to finish that work, I'm not going to go for that run. At the end of the day, I may get that work done. I've missed the run. It's not that, okay, Hey, I need to find a better way to manage my time. It's that fear that's number one. Number two, I think again, like you said, the iceberg rule. And I'm actually going to post this on our My Happiness Squad Instagram feed when this episode goes live because I think it's a powerful image for people to see. That 9010 that you referred to, I think it's really important for us to realize. Yesterday, Ashish, I was working on something at the office and I looked at the clock and I said, okay, I need to leave for Amsterdam in about three hours. I need to get this work done, but I need to go for a run. And I was struggling at what I was doing in that moment. You know what I ended up doing? I said, you know what, I'm just going to go for a 30 minute run, I'm going to knock it off and then once I come back, I'll readjust this task. I kid you not. I went for that run, I came back. Hormones, adrenaline, all dopamine, everything was running high. I felt good, I felt great. I said, hey Tick. I actually nailed the task. So I think it's almost funny when you flip the script enjoying that process, not trying to seek that outcome of, you know, this work is done. Suddenly I feel a lot more excited. I feel a lot better. And I think this is something I would just invite our listeners to consider as we think about this. Because you know what? When you start your day, let alone your week, your month, your quarter, that day, that week may not Go as you have it, as planned. But you know what, Ashish, this is also something that we were talking about earlier. People plan or maybe they don't plan and then.

Hold that thought for a minute, hold that thought for a minute because I want to highlight. I think this is. I'm glad that you're going to post this on Instagram and on LinkedIn. Right? So people get the model. But I'll tell you, this model that I talked about, this iceberg model, right? I mean we've known about it for the 50s. It was actually originally created by an anthropologist by the name of Edward hall. In the 70s. In the 70s, okay. And it's being used extensively by coaches around. Like we used it when I was at McKinsey. You know, we have Aberkin, Professor Otto Sharma at MIT used a youth theory which kind of has a similar construct. It's much deeper, it's way different. But, but there is this concept of like you to shift things out here, you have to shift things underneath. Okay, look, I think for me it was, it was a really big deal and it's, it's a constant evolution day by day fight that you have to live into. But you know, I needed a fundamental reframe anil because all my time, you know, I had this story when I was, when I was at McKinsey that oh, the system demanded this of me, others demanded it of me. And so I can't help it, I have to deliver and that's why I don't work out. You know, a year in, right. Working for myself. There is no system demanding anything. I am the system. And yet I wasn't working out as consistently. So I was like, I really use the iceberg model to say, hey, what Reframing underneath in terms of a need value priority thoughts which support me in working out more versus just working. Because now work had a really personal meaning, right? Like I'd wake up and I would want to open up a book and start reading because I'm thirsting for knowledge and I want to be able to learn as much so I can help others because that's my mission. And I recognized, you know, if I work out then, you know, I, I just want to get going and this workout is not, you know, I can work out later. I needed to reframe anil in my mind that really helped me which was, hey, Ashish, of course you can get more done now. If you work out less and use that extra hour for work, of course you will get more done now, but you're 50 if you keep doing what you're doing at 65 or 70, you're done. You will not have that energy, you will not have the physical body. So either I can do the next 15 to 20 years of work at this pace. And by the way, the difference is one hour, right? I do one hour more, right? One hour more of work for 15, 20 years. That's the difference. Or if you take that hour and work out, you get back 20 more years where your body supports you in really pushing this work forward. So don't kid yourself if you really want to make an impact in the world and that's what you care about, that's what you're solving, and that's the mistake we make. We don't consciously think about the costs from our relationships, from our health, from all those things we push aside by really looking at it long term, right? Really looking at the net present value, really looking at how much our future are we borrowing from. And that helped me and I hope for others who are kind of really driven to perform, drive things out there in the here and now, my friends. Keep that in mind. Keep that image in mind. Keep that thought, that reframing thought, the reframing need of fear in mind. Because unless you craft one that works for you, it's incredibly hard to live into that intention. Incredibly hard to live into that intention.

I love that. I really do, Ashish, because I think we all have this. As soon as we program, as soon as we're in the motion, we don't want to. We almost go, no, no, I need to do this. I really like that. I think the other fact is something we spoke about previously. I think when people have. If you're in a flow, keep in the flow. I think that's okay. There's nothing wrong with maintaining a flow. You got two, three hours that you're working on something for. I think that's want to remain and make sure you capture that final thought. I think it's when that flow becomes, like you said, a bit toxic or it becomes filled with fear, it starts to basically almost take you down the wrong path again. It's a double whammy. You're. You're raising your stress level and you're not going for a run or you're not getting movement, which we've talked about previously. It's not healthy for you. So it's just a matter of, you know, again, that awareness, right? Just, just pausing for a moment. And this is something, this is the reason why we do nudges in the rewire app, right? We want people to just take a pause in the day just to go, oh, hang on. Okay. It's like, funny that we almost need an app or our watch to tell us to breathe, right? So we're not actually telling anyone to do things differently or. Sorry, we're not telling you to do different things, as you explained to me earlier. It's. We just helping you find a way to do it differently.

That's it. Exactly. It is about small things that we do differently. You know, Anil and I were talking about a dear friends, which is like, you know, I can tell you to meditate for 10 minutes a day and if you're a busy executive, you're like, yeah, good luck. I don't have a time for that. I think you do. But you'll say, I don't have a time to that. But I've never. Right. But I've never actually ever experienced anybody who has said, hey, do you have one minute to be mindful? And by the way, you don't even need to do anything because what is mindfulness? It's paying attention on purpose in the present moment, right? It's the awareness that arises. We breathe all the time. We breathe unconsciously. So just take the next one minute breath, Just follow your breath. Breathing in and breathing out. Do this now with us one minute. Just notice your breath going in and going out. No need to change anything. No need to deepen it, no need to make it faster or slower. Just notice what that breath feels like. And if we do that just like that, we can be intentionally mindful. You could do that four or five times a day and you're becoming more mindful. So if you want to be more mindful, don't start by saying, I'm going to meditate for 30 minutes daily. Start with, hey, I'm going to take four mindful breaks today. One minute, that's it. And that can make such a big difference, right? So this intention equally is about what are we intending to do? How do we get there? Right? And you get into that beautifully, Anil, with this. Because equally important in intention is the path, is the road towards that intention. And we know this. And that's why we included the neuroscience of habit formation into the book. We included this into this micro practices in rebuyer. If we want to really make our intention come true, remember that one of the reasons we talked about why people don't stick is they choose either too many goals or they choose too lofty of goals. Don't choose lofty goals. Focus on one thing at a time and choose small things, really small things. In fact, Dr. B.J. fogg. And you can learn more about his work from his book Tiny Habits. We also had an episode with Juni, who teaches with Dr. Fogg. And she was actually a big part of our team in helping us design the micro practices that leverage the science behind habit formation. The idea is make things small, five minutes or less, super easy to do. If you do it, higher are the chances that you stick to it, celebrate when you are successful. When you fail, it creates such a negative energy, we don't want to do it again. And, you know, I love this thing in his work where he said, don't rely on willpower. You know, what you should rely on is the tiny behavior. The smallest action you can take, the smallest move that you will make that gets you closer to where you want to go. Right? Go back to our sailing analogy. It's the tack. It's the tack you need to make right now. I might think about how much effort it is if you look, put all your energy into trying to keep it. Fight what's happening around. Don't make the smallest nudge that actually moves it where you need to go. And like that, we will bring in. We will make possible what we are intending to do. So the power of tiny habits.

You know, just on the back of that, Ashish and I want us to. There's something I want us to talk about because I think, going back to your earlier example, tiny habit just. It's the difference of one less spoon of sugar in your tea. When we approach our work week or work month. Something that you and I spoke about is things don't always go to plan. But hey, you need to start somewhere. Start with the plan. Start with that intention. Jot it down, keep it to your side, keep an eye on it. If you feel like you're deviating or if you feel like you're getting off track, to bring you back on track, it's almost like you're North Star, your compass. As you mentioned earlier, what I'd like to maybe dive into a little bit is, you know, when folks go into their work week, Right. One thing that you actually, I hate to say this, it's a bit funny for me, but you're the first person that reminded me that we have 168 hours in our work.

Week, my friend.

Oh, my God. If anyone's working 168 hours right now, please, please tell us when we can help you. No, you're absolutely right. It's 168 hours in a week. And of that, anywhere from, I don't know, 30, 40, 50 plus, could actually go to work. But I want to go back to how we plan and how we can actually do a better job of just keeping ourselves on track, on task. So, Ashish, just maybe from your experience, how have you advised either your clients or companies, or even yourself how you want to plan and give yourself that space in order yourself to plan?

Yeah. Beautiful look. So, I mean, just tying it to kind of this arc, right? Intention is really important. Intention is really, really important because it tells you where you're going. But that's not enough. The pathway then, is how do we do things in really small ways to get there. But again, that is an important move, but not enough because we operate in environments that demand a lot from us. There are requests that come from others, from colleagues, suppliers, customers. There is so much. There is so much that gets in our way. And I think we can borrow a little bit from the analogy of football, American football, which is one of the most important thing to do in making sure you get to your goal so that you can shoot. The goal is protect the asset. Who's the asset? You are. Who are all the opposition coming at you? Every player who's rushing. Right. You've got to protect the asset, which is really important. Which means you have to create the space every day, every week, every month, every quarter, to be able to step back and look at what's in the environment. Call an audible when you need help and constantly change, you know, constantly work through how you're going to get to the goal. This was a transformative practice for me when I was growing up at McKinsey. Instead of constantly being on 12, 14 hours a day, and a lot of people out there are on 12, 14 hours a day, my dear friends, take this as kind of a guideline, but make it your own. If you are an individual contributor or you are a manager, it is critical that you take one hour a day, every day, one hour a day when you're working to have complete empty space, to be able to think, not think about a problem, just think, step back. If you are a director or a VP or a associate partner or a partner with lots of different teams that you're responsible for, it becomes really important that you take at least three hours a week, at least three hours a week, where you have time, where you can look at everything else that's happening and saying, what can I do to optimize the system? What's an optimal what do I need to intervene to help all the teams that are leading operate better and me operate better? If you are a senior vice president or higher, take at least a day every month and if you are in one of the executive team, take at least three days, a quarter. Give yourself the time of solitude, give yourself the space to reflect, give yourself that time, that balcony moments to get a deeper awareness of what's in the system, what is needed that will really improve what you're looking to do out there. Our work has gotten so busy that we are running back to back to back to back and we're not taking the systemic level view, right? So I think that's a really, really important thing to do. By the way, when you do this, you will also recognize, also recognize what percentage of work, how many pounds of sand are you trying to put in what size bag? Okay, the biggest driver behind people not getting there is they get too fragmented or they're just trying to do too much. They're trying to do a little bit of everything, right? That awareness, that step back moment of a quarter, you know, three days, a quarter or you know, one day a month or like three hours in a week or one hour, you can use that to do two things. One, literally prioritize what matters, really prioritize what's matter and make sure that you only put into your day. I would say, you know, plan something for 80%, plan something for 80% because there is 20, 30% of stuff that's going to come your way that's urgent that you hadn't planned for. And if you plan for 100% or 120%, I think the chances are you'll react to what's urgent even though it might not be important. And you will create a world where you're constantly fighting urgent stuff because all the important stuff never gets done. Never gets done.

I wholeheartedly agree with this. And you know, this is just a candid story for everyone. You know, two weeks ago I was speaking to Ashish and I told him I'm feeling incredibly overwhelmed. And I said, can you help me? Can we, can we, can we take a few things off here, there. And he's like, anil, let me ask you a question. Do you realize that you're putting a hundred pounds into a 10 pound bag? And I was like, ashish, what do you mean? He's like, just think about it, everything that you're doing. Okay, fine, you know, you know, there's an opportunity to take five pounds out here, ten pounds out there. That's still 95, 90 pounds that you're still putting in that ten pound bag. Something's got to give. And it occurred to me, I was like, okay, keep going. He's like, anil, what percent of your potential do you think you're using right now? And I was like, oh, I, I feel like I'm using 60% of my potential. I'm getting the job done. He's like, no, no, no. Okay, great, you're getting the job done. Tick box. But you're probably feeling, you're probably actually operating at 30% of my potential. And again, it just, it was like a bit of like a, like a light bulb moment. Like, oh crap, okay, great, I'm, I'm getting things done. I'm spending 14, 15 hours getting it done. But hang on a second. If I was working smarter, less hours, let's say 10 hours, but I was operating at a higher level of potential. I mean, that I know I have. Something's got to give. I have to clear the lane, I have to empty out that bag and see what I can park and put off to the side. And I think, you know, this is, that was powerful for me. And so my invitation to our listeners is just think about it, how many pounds are you putting into your ten pound bag? Number one. Number two, be honest with yourself. What percent of your potential do you fully believe you're utilizing that you're fully able to apply to what you're doing? Because imagine if you're able to apply more, you're able to do more in less time. And as, as says you're not doing more, you're being more. And you know the last thing. And the third thing is I've, I've been taught and I love this, don't plan your week for 40 hours, plan it for 20. Because you know what, like you said, you might have to call it audible. And what's gonna end up happening is if you don't call that audible, that priority asset, you, you're gonna get sacked. And guess what, you're probably gonna end up working 60, 70, 80 hours and that's not sustainable. And I'm telling you, okay, maybe you can take the first sack, the second sack, but after that, that hurts, that reverberates, and it's gonna start to have a knock on effect in other parts of your life. And so you know what I ended up doing, Ashish, was after that conversation, I did take some time off, but I took one afternoon where I was sitting just in some woods on a, on a chair and I just was looking at the most beautiful view and I kid you not, Ashish, we've talked about this. You share this with me. When you're in nature and you're able to just breathe the ideas, the creativity just that flowed from within me. Just, it was amazing. And I think that that's again, another, you know, just another tidbit to folks. When you do call that audible, you never know, you might end up throwing that touchdown pass within that first play rather than needing to run play after play because you're opening yourself up, you're giving yourself a full scope of the field and really seeing where the opportunity lies and nail that goal.

Beautiful. Now I'm glad you did that. That was a great conversation for us. We all want to get a lot done, right? I don't believe in people are lazy. I think people are just fragmented and completely, you know, self sabotaging themselves, both in terms of not addressing the deeper underlying fears or beliefs or just constantly failing to protect the asset. Right? If you don't set an intention for the life you want, then you will live into the intentions for what others set for you. You will constantly be trying to please, react, respond, please, and you lose sight of what you want to get done. And you know, over time it results in a deep one. We lose our productivity. Second, we hate it because we hate ourselves. We feel like a failure. We feel out of coherence with where we want to go and we don't realize that it doesn't have to be this way, right? We can take tiny steps. We can protect the asset. We can take these balcony moments to constantly adjust. We can call the audible when we need to, to ask for help. And, and yeah, and we, we, we, anybody, we can flip those numbers, right? We truly can Flip that number off from 12%, 9 to 12%. Stick to resolutions. Flip that number to 80%. Being able to stick to 80% of the resolutions that you set for yourself. And that's what we are on a mission for. Because again, you know, the foundation, dear friends, for Happiness squad is not giving you tons of knowledge. We are drowning in knowledge. We are parched for practice. Our help is, our hope is to help you go from knowing to doing by truly helping you practice and towards that. I actually have a request for you if you've been listening to this podcast and if you have enjoyed with us, please help us spread the word. Forward the podcast to eight to 10 people who you feel can also benefit from this because I would love for them to be able to learn from just like we're learning from such amazing teachers and experts in the space of flourishing and I would love for you to help us get them to learn from them too.

I love that. And Ashish, you know, as we wrap up, there's something that you shared with me on Wednesday with our London Business School crew. There were two things actually. One, I'm going to share the other one about the one marble. I'm going to ask you to share with our audience. What stuck with me is if you're not living intentionally, as you said, you're living accidentally and I love how you said it earlier, then you're going to be reacting in the moment. And let's be honest, we shouldn't be reacting. There are simple things we can do. Take one thing from this cast, folks. See how you can incorporate it. That's our invitation. And then the second that stuck with me. And Ashish, I'm going to pass the mic back to you. What was that one? Pearl, if you will. You asked folks to do.

It's the pearl of setting. Look, it is. You don't control what happens out there, but you absolutely control what happens out here. So start every day with setting an intention for how you want to be. You can choose how you want to meet the world. Kind, happy, curious, learner, compassion. You can decide how you want to to show up every day. You can do that first thing in the morning, my friend. Do that first thing in the morning and you can set your intention how you want to be. And two, just take one hour in the whole week. One hour. Don't try and fit what you want to do into the whole week. And re engineer your week. Figure out a way to take one hour in the week. You can do it by saying, I'm gonna do 10 days every day, 10 minutes every day for six days, right, that's fine. But choose something that you can do in one hour in the whole week. Just choose one thing that fits into that and go do that. That way you're doing something on your nature of being right. You're choosing an intention for being, which is literally a one to five minute practice and choosing something to do out there towards your North Star. Start there and see the magic that unfolds for you. And as you are more successful, you will get more confident. As you get more confident, you can make any habit grow. And just like that, one small step at a time, you will start to increase your odds of sticking to your resolutions. And maybe it'll go from 12 to 15 first and then 15 to 20 and 20 to 30 and and the journey continues. But those are some ways in which we can make it happen. And I wish you the best. And please let us know if that hack of the doing and the being is helping you flip the odds. We'd want to hear. We want to hear about the resolutions you made. We want to hear about the successes you have and other hacks that are helping you. Because this is the biggest issue of our generation. It's not knowing, it's doing, it's living into our intentions.

Ashish, it's been a pleasure. Thank you so much. I look forward to the next.

Thank you my friend. We are going out and celebrate our first birthday as Happiness Squad. I hope you do something beautiful with Anika and yeah, thank you to our listeners. Please help us spread the word and we look forward to engaging next week with our next podcast.

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