Unlocking the Power of Happiness

I think what can differentiate this podcast that you and I are leading together, we've of course heard, right, so many of those. We have listened to so many of those. I think there are so many great ideas that everybody have, but I think what we can offer is actually a lived experience because we are in the same pathways and the journeys, right through all the work, amazing work you do in Nike, in a corporate setting, and all the work I did for 25 years, including the last 17 at McKinsey. This is a lived experience from somebody who's walked in the shoes so many of our listeners are doing day to day and we can share our successes and our failures and our trials and tribulations, right. The hard learned lessons. So that's my hope, right, is that that's a very different perspective that they could get.

Hey there.

Hello, friends.

Welcome to Happiness Squad. This is the podcast dedicated to helping you unlock your full potential by mastering the art and science of happiness. We bring on the best leading experts on these topics to help you unlock your true potential and live with more joy, health, love and meaning in your life. Your host is no other than the star combo of Ashish Kothari and Anil Ramjiani, who are both on a mission to provide you with an unfair advantage to be the masters of your experience and leaders in your industry. Get ready to be moved, challenged and enlightened on this podcast. It may change your life. Thanks for being here and joining the squad.

Hi. Welcome everybody.

This is Ashish Katari and I'm Anil Ramjiani.

And together we are very excited to invite you to the first episode of the Happiness Squad podcast that we are really recording to inspire individuals, teams and organizations to unlock their full potential and thrive, rather than just survive in this increasingly volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous world that we are living in. Over a series of episodes, we're going to explore together a range of modalities and strategies that as individuals and companies, we can integrate into our lives and how we work. So we can literally hardwire for happiness versus a hardwiring for fear and scarcity that we often find ourselves in. But before we dive in too deeply, let's give you a little bit of background on both Anil and I and share a bit of our own origin stories around our journey so far and why we are so excited to launch this podcast today. Anil, do you want to start a bit with your story?

Yeah, sure. So, for those of you who don't know me, which is probably a lot of you, I was born and raised in the U.S. my family, like actually I have Indian roots. My father, mother moved over to the US. I decided about 16 years ago to move to Europe. So I'm currently living in Europe. My story around this space, it's quite exciting. It's quite something I look fondly on. Ashish got in touch with me during lockdown. We were actually introduced by a very close mutual friend and it was a period of time when I was really trying to reflect and actually understand my why, you know, know myself in order to be a better person, better brother, better partner, a better son. And you know, in doing so it's just allowed me to really understand and appreciate the, the value of actually being in a state of positivity and recognizing and being aware of when I'm not. And I think, you know, Ashish, in our chats, you know, what kind of brought us together is, you know, how can we each share our backgrounds, our own reflections and learnings like you said, to help people unlock their own potential.

Yeah.

Thank you, Adele. I still remember the moment when we met, right, that you know, talk about, you know, there's a lot of things about physical, you know, you have to be in person to kind of develop a connection with somebody. And I remember so clearly, even though so many of our conversations actually were on zoom till frankly, you know, earlier this summer when I got a chance to actually spend half a day with you, we didn't really let the digital barrier get in the way of human intimacy and just really deep connection that you and I developed that's now gotten us to where we are today.

Totally agree. And I think, you know, Ashish, your story and having read your book and kind of understanding where you've come from, you know, we have some things in common but some things that are quite unique about yourself. So what's your origin story?

Yeah, yeah, my friend. So listen, for me, you know, I grew up in India. I moved to the US in 97 when I was 23. You know, I was born to middle class parents and like all good Indian children back growing up in the 70s and 80s, I went to IIT one of the top engineering schools, got my, got my engineering degree, joined IBM and then jumped into the fray in the corporate world, right. In the professional services world. And for the next 20 years, right, just climbed the ladder. You know, I'd come to the US with about $5,000 in my, in my bank account which was by the way a loan from somebody and two people I knew.

I hope you paid them back by now, Ashish.

That and More that and more. But yeah, you know, and then, you know, I picked up and I executed on the script that, you know, I picked up from my culture, which was further, you know, I doubled down on from all the messaging I received from my new country. When I got to the US around, the path to happiness was through the path of success and through hard work and showing up and, you know, hustling and success followed, right? 20 years later, I found myself at the pinnacle of my career. I, by that time had already been at McKinsey for 10 years. I had been in consulting for 20. I was a partner at one of the most prestigious firms. I was happily married, I had a lovely four year old son, we were living in Boulder, Colorado. I was highly respected. I had an amazing set of colleagues that I was working with. So if you think about it, all the things, all the items on my script I had checked off, okay, I should have been happier, I should have been satisfied. But I was. But I was. And I was all of that. But what I was also sensing was a growing discomfort, right? A growing level of stress and anxiety. And I couldn't even voice and I couldn't even say why it was okay, what was it, what was it that was bothering me? And I was really troubled by that. And that frankly started me on a journey now around really looking into the big questions of what makes humans flourish, what is life all about? And it also at the same time made me keenly aware about. As I reflected on my own level of discomfort and kind of this fear and scarcity mindset that I often find myself in, I also, all of a sudden attuned to what was happening with all my clients. And there was a very different set of clients who were kind of just thriving and excited. Regardless of the amount of work they had, people followed them. They weren't the most loud, right? Oftentimes they were quite calm and very centered. But like, you know, they gave an energy. They walked into a room and everybody kind of paid attention. And then there was everybody else, right, who was trying to like, work hard and there was an ease about them. And so that started me on a journey around really questioning and really exploring the depths of what makes people thrive. And as you know, what followed was five years of deep dive into 450 different books across spirituality, psychology, neurosciences, training as an ontological coach, learning from some of the mystical masters of the east, as well as neuroscientists and psychologists, leading psychologists from the west, where over the next five years, you know, as I tried and experimented with so many of the practices that I was picking up. I started to actually experience life differently. I started to experience flow, I started to experience ease. And I could actually start to do that also with the clients that I was coaching. And. Yeah, man. So, I mean, you know, as you mentioned, right. I have this book coming out and with this podcast, what I hope to do is actually really continue and expand and bring some of these learnings that I had, as well as introduce people to some of the amazing teachers that I've had a chance to learn with experts. I've had a chance to engage professional leaders who are leading their organizations and, you know, integrating so many of these practices to really help people thrive rather than just survive in these crazy worlds we find ourselves and through that, become the best versions of themselves, become the best versions of the teams they're part of. And collectively, you know, just create this competitive advantage as organizations in which they work. So do more by actually being more.

I love that. Do more by being more. Do you know, there's something you shared with me recently that I still actually will quote to people, which is, you know, focus on the act, not the outcome. And I think what's beautiful about and what's powerful about what we're doing and what you're doing with Hardwired for Happiness, your book is. It's a matter of we don't know where this is going to go. Right.

We.

But we do know that the actions we want to take together, we really do hope changes lives and we really do hope allows people to have the same self discovery that you and I have had. Granted, we probably had it around the same time. We hope people have it earlier, maybe they'll have it later. I mean, just. Just to compliment what you mentioned, I think, you know, when I turned 35, I started actually seeing a relationship coach followed by an energy coach, followed by a life coach. And you know, it's kind of funny when you think you need to speak to multiple people to understand yourself better. And I think something that you've mentioned to me is, you know, sometimes you just got to listen to that inner self, that inner voice, rather than the external world and the external voices. So just to frame up as well, like what Ashish and I would like to achieve and accomplish together, we kind of see this podcast taking three formats. The first format is we are going to delve into Hardwired for Happiness and the nine practices that Ashish has just mentioned. He's composed, he's compiled after reading over 450 books and really Studying this area. And not only that, but also speaking to experts in their own right.

So.

So that's one area. The second is we're actually going to bring experts on and actually chat with them and, and really allow them to share their ideas, their thoughts. And, you know, there may be areas where Ashish and I agree with them or we may disagree, but we're kind of keen to unlock those insights by having those conversations. And the third area is, you know, we both come from a corporate background. We'd love to have executives actually come in and join us and share their own actions, things that they've done as CEOs or heads of or leads of their own businesses. Again, just to learn and understand how humans as humans have learned on how they can unlock, as Ashes has said, their potential and to flourish as a result.

Thank you. Thank you. And I'm like really, really excited, right? And I think three things that I hold front and center as we kind of do these together, right? For people, for them to know, right? Number one is, look, a journey towards happiness is a lifelong journey, right? On a path to happiness. Look, we can't pursue happiness, right? Happiness ensues by living a life which is a virtuous life in pursuit of something bigger than ourselves, trying to make a difference. So given it's a lifelong journey, we both, as much as we have done our inner work, our students and the idea through the show is to continuously keep learning, keep learning together through our own lived experiences. But those of our experts and executives that we bring into the show, right? The second thing is, look, we want to leave everybody, every episode with practical tips and techniques that allow people to integrate into their lives. Do right away, both individually, but also into our workplaces, right? Do things with their teams and within the organizations. Because, look, we spend 8, 9, 10 hours right, at work. And if we have to flourish, we have to do things differently, both individually in our control, but also in our own ways. Start to be change makers in places where we work. So that's the second really, really promise that I would like to make to the listeners is you will walk away with real, practical things that will make a difference in your lives individually and then things to try with your teams. And look, the third thing is we are all. Happiness is very subjective. Flourishing is very subjective. We are all at different steps in our journey. And so our invitation is try, but don't beat yourself up. What works for one person might not work for others, right? And our hope is that over our journey together, if you are able to pick up six to nine things over nine months that will make a difference for your life, that allow you to be happier, that allow you to be healthier, that allow you to live with more love and more meaning, then I think we will consider it a success. And we would love to continuously hear from you on how the journey is going and tips and ideas you'd have for us to be able to make this show into more useful, more helpful, more engaging. So our invitation is to keep the dialogue going, engage with us, write to us, and really let's collectively create a podcast that can help all of us thrive, not just survive in this modern world.

I love that because let's be honest, like, just surviving is not good enough. Like, you know, we. We've got one life to live. Let's enjoy it, let's make the most of it. I love the word you used, which is invitation. Right. This is an invitation. There's no obligation. Right. And you know, one thing that I wanted, I have a few questions I'd love to ask you on the back of that. So the first question is, why would folks listening want to accept your invitation? I'm sure they get invitations to all sorts of parties, all sorts of podcasts, books. What do you find is special about Hardwired for happiness?

Yeah, great question, Anil. And listen, I humbly would suggest happiness is a science as much as it's an art. Okay. A lot of the talk so far in this field around happiness and flourishing is usually from two very distinct deep sources of expertise. On one hand, a lot of it comes from research and researchers, PhDs and academicians who are really studying it, neuroscientists who really study this topic and have tons of ideas around what people can do. The second one, you know, there's a lot of work, there's a lot of literature, there's a lot of advice that comes from the self help gurus, mystics, spiritual teachers, right, who are actually living that life. And they actually offer advice on how people can do things in their professional lives differently. Right. I think what can differentiate this podcast that you and I are leading together, we've of course, heard, right, so many of those. We have listened to so many of those. I think there are so many great ideas that everybody have, but I think what we can offer is actually a lived experience because we are in the same pathways and the journeys, right through all the work, amazing work you do in Nike, in a corporate setting, and all the work I did for 25 years, including the last 17 at McKinsey. This is a lived experience from somebody who's walked in the shoes so many of our listeners are doing day to day and we can share our successes and our failures and our trials and tribulations, Right. The hard learned lessons. So that's my hope, right, Is that that's a very different perspective that they could get because this is from folks who have been in their shoes. So we understand the context in which they swim and we understand the challenges. We also are, you know, very much living the life that is like so many others. Right. We are married, we have kids, we have all of the, you know, we've got. You bring a European and a US Perspective, I bring an Asian and an American perspective. Given like my parents are there. And we spend so much time going back and forth. So I think there'll be a lot of global nature of the conversations and our experiences that we've had. There's a lot of lived experiences in the professional world, in the corporate world that we bring. And so I'm hoping that what we talk about here is a lot more applicable and a lot more things that can be actioned here and now by people.

I totally agree. And I think, you know, it's interesting when we think about how our backgrounds, both coming from India, both having the same. I mean, I always think to myself that background has caused me to compare myself to others, to seek validation from others. You know, it's, it's like you said, it's, it's, it's been a journey to kind of go through the day to day, you know, from education into corporate, into like just the world and how we can share what we've learned and picked up with others to say, look, there is no right way, there is no wrong way. There's just, there could be just a better way. And I'm really excited to share that experience alongside you with folks.

Are you enjoying the show so far? Let me ask you a few questions before going back. Have you ever wondered why so many of us struggle with stress, anxiety and burnout and feel stuck in life? Heck, maybe you're going through this right now. Well, the reason for this lies in the evolutionary biology of our brains, which are hardwired for fear. It's part of the reason why our team named this podcast Happiness Squad. It serves as a reminder that happiness is what really matters and that we are in this together. And that is why we are so excited to share with you a resource to help you on your journey. One of our hosts, Ashish Guattari, launched a book Hardwired for Happiness. And it is a number one Amazon best seller. When you get access to this book, you will discover nine secular practices that can change your life and are backed by scientific evidence from psychology and neuroscience. Learn how you can integrate hardwired for Happiness practices in every part of your life to unlock your best self, regardless of how busy you are. Shift from knowing to doing to being with a range of journaling, meditation and group coaching exercises and so much more. Go to www.happinesssquad.combook to get access. Right now we also have bonuses on the page that you don't want to miss. Once again, www.happinesssquad.com book and now back to the show.

The fruits of your work have led you to creating nine practices. And in my mind I'm thinking, okay, are these. Choose your own adventure. Pick, you know, one of the nine, two of the nine, all of nine of nine. Do you see that the practices are meant to be done sequentially or do you see that people can jump to and kind of cherry pick practices that may be more relevant for them at a particular point in time?

Yeah, great question. And Ella, let me, you know, maybe even before I answer that question, you know, share a little bit about the origin of these practices. Right? So, you know, what about these practices? Why, why are these nine? Why are they nine? What about, where did they come from? And so look, I think these nine practices, by the way, for the folks who are listening, you can go to happinesssquad.com and on the website, if you click under the book, you will actually see the nine practices right there. So you can see an image, you can see a graphic around it. These nine practices, you will recognize a lot of them, okay? Because they are in every ancient wisdom tradition that has, that has ever been. So they're secular by nature. Right. There is no religious connotations around these, but they've been, you know, they've been in our world for over 2000 years, if not more, right? What is interesting about them and in my work that I found in it was in psychology and neurosciences, we now actually have evidence, data and scientific evidence that they actually work. In fact, they work in people being happier, healthier, and have more love and meaning. Those are the outcomes that people can achieve. But more importantly, they work because they actually fundamentally rewire our brains. We can actually develop new neural circuits that, you know, that override our evolutionary circuits for fear, for danger, for scarcity. Okay, we'll cover like some of this in another episode around, like, where do they come from and how Is this manifesting in our world? But I think it's important, right to. These nine practices, you know, are actually grounded in science, but they are ancient wisdom. And so, you know, after nine practices, at the heart of the practices is actually one practice. It's this classic. You know, I'm going to go with the, you know, with the Lord of the Rings analogy here. I love movies, right? One ring to rule them all. I think everything else, all the other eight practices actually need the first practice, the practice of self awareness. If we are not on a path to mastering self awareness, it becomes really hard to activate any of the other eight practices which are living a meaningful life, right? So living and finding our purpose, gratitude, and seeing the world from a place of abundance, mindful living. So how can we actually live a mindful life? There is a practice around how do we actually master our emotions, especially the unpleasant ones like anger, fear, anxiety, shame, guilt, resentment, so that these emotions and moods don't master us, we master them. Right? These things are a part of our life and we have to learn how to actually work through them more effectively. There's a practice around compassion and kindness in particular, starting with self compassion. How can we really develop that as a core muscle to unlock and actually gain so much through acts of giving? There's a practice around well being, right? How can we be our best version of ourselves physically, mentally, spiritually? There's a practice around community. How do we actually harness the power of community? And then the last one is actually living an intentional life versus an unconscious life. So the first practice of self awareness, which is at the center, really is the key to unlock it all. And look, the invitation is of the other practices. Take one or two more that most resonate with where you are right now. Right? So that's the idea. And then start on a journey from there. Because the biggest challenge that I see out there, anil and hopefully through these dialogues, we continue to kind of live into this work and our audience and listeners continue to kind of live into this work. Is the issue isn't awareness? There is so much awareness out there. People know about these things. Like how many people haven't heard of mindfulness and meditation between the growth of Headspace and Calm and so many other apps like that. But what percentage actually practice meditation or even of those who practice meditation outside of the 30 minutes they spend on a pillow? Are they living mindfully in the present moment? I think so. Practice is where everything breaks down. And so through this podcast, our invitation again is take these practices and actually start to Experiment with tips that you're going to learn from every show and see if you can integrate them into your life. Try them for five, six, seven days and if it works, great. But if it doesn't work, listen to the next show and see if there's something else that would work. But the answer for sure, Anila, is no, all nine are not. You can't start on all nine on day one. And all nine are not going to have the same power. Right, for everybody. But I do think starting with the practice of self awareness is actually a really big deal. And then, you know, maybe individuals can take one more that they want to lean into.

Love it. I think, you know, kind of what you mentioned there about rewiring our brains, you know, my way of thinking of it has been I have to reprogram myself. I feel like I programmed myself from when I was a kid till I was an adult to do things in a certain way or react to things in a certain way, or feel things in a certain way. And it's like, oh wait, since I've been on this journey of self discovery, I'm like, okay, hang on, I gotta like rethink it. So I just want to kind of touch on, you know, you chose the expression in the title, like hardwired for happiness. You know, where do you think from your perspective on people's journey, they go wrong. Like you're born hardwired for happiness, but Suddenly, you know, 10, 15, 20, 30, 40 years later, you're like, you went off the rails. Like you rewired, you repro. What happens? Like, what's just your general sense on that, on that piece?

Yeah, so look, I think that's the question that we can go lots of different places. But listen, I think if we take a very neuroscience approach of view into. Right. Like look, we experience the world in an ace men's world. It's so true. We experience the world as we are, not as the world is. There's a lot of wisdom in that, right? Our sense making, our brains, our senses, we see the world and as we take in the stimulus, somebody else might have a very different reaction to the same thing that they're seeing, right. Than us. And so if we take a very neuroscience based view of what do we actually see? Okay, Just based on years and millennia of evolution. Look at bodies and brains have evolved over millions of years, Right? Right. And they've evolved to keep our body safe and secure. Our brains have evolved to keep our body safe and secure. We learn that from neuroscience. Right? And as a Result, Right. They are designed to kind of continuously scan the environment for danger, and specifically danger of that carnivorous kind. Right. Which is, is somebody going to come get me? Look, the reality is the world we're living in doesn't look like that. We don't have many of those around. At least we don't have lots of tigers running around. We do have mountain lions every year for two to three weeks in Boulder, but most of the year they're not around and you don't run into them. I've only run into them once in the last eight years. But look, so we're always scanning for danger. We are seeing the world from a place of fear because that's what our brains are designed for. We are hardwired for that. That's what I mean. But our brains are fundamentally neuroplastic, which is the neurons that fire together, wire together along the way. If we actually start to integrate these practices consciously into our day to day, we actually activate different neurons. We create new pathways that over time, as we strengthen, can become the predominant way we start to experience the world. And that experience is not one of scarcity, but one of abundance. That experience is not one of isolation of and self, but one of interconnectedness or inter being as the Lama calls it. Right. It is one which is not based on control to feel safe, but based on inspiring and purpose to feel fulfilled. It starts to kind of really create a different reality for us. And that reality starts to shape our behaviors. That starts to create a different reality for everybody else.

You know, I want to go back to what you mentioned there about the Dalai Lama. I mean, one of my favorite books, Ashish, is the Art of Happiness. And you know, the main thing, it's beautiful and there's so much in there. And the one piece that resonates from what you've just said is, you know, and he mentions is, you know, we're born in a positive state of mind and there are things that affect us day to day or over the course of our journey in life that can, can knock us into a state of negativity or a state of, yeah, just knock us out of positivity. And I think it's, it's just a matter of as soon as we fall into that state or outside of that state of happiness, suddenly, you know, we're thinking more about, yeah, crap, I don't have this, I want more of this. Or, you know, I feel disconnected, I feel detached, as opposed to feeling part of something or oh, no, I don't have control, I Feel. I don't know what to do. And it's a matter of reflecting on it, knowing, like, hang on a second, what can shift me back to that state of positivity, you know, to feel abundant, to feel connected, to feel inspired. And I think it's the power is in each of us, right. It's just a matter of, like you said, you accept the invitation to unlock that power, to find it. It's in you. You don't have to look outside, even though we sometimes think we need to. And I'm telling you, growing up, I always used to seek, you know, validation from people. I still do. There's no doubt. But it's almost like if I can validate myself and look at myself and go, you know what? That was pretty awesome. You just did. Cool. It allows me to again, shift into that positive state. So. No, you definitely have a partner in crime on that one.

Yeah. And, you know, it's interesting, you know, we are, you know, I, you know, in your message originally, right, when you asked me the question, like, look, I fundamentally believe that we are born whole, our souls are born whole, but we lose sight of the experience because of our minds. And our minds are an entity that's formed based on our brains and how we process information. It's these brains that are hardwired for fear. Right. But if we actually ground in the wholeness of the soul, if we ground in the wholeness of our continuous interconnection with the world around, we can take charge and actually start to rewire this instrument, this meaning making instrument through which we walk around in the world. You know, let's take charge and listen. You know, just watchful of time and living into our practice of saying, we're going to give people something practical every day to do coming out of this episode. Right. If I may. Right. I would love to share a practice that has been so transformative for me. It starts from the awareness of self awareness, the practice of self awareness. So my invitation is the following for the next week, before you listen to the next episode, and I do hope you join us for the next one, just practice this. Shift your attention to, at different points in the day, what you're experiencing in your body. Just notice, especially when we are running into an obstacle or a difficulty at work or in a relationship, you know, a conversation with a loved one or with a colleague, when there is tension externally, when there is turmoil in your thoughts, in our brain, what is present for you in your bodies, just notice. It's all the practice is all about witnessing Increasing our awareness of what's happening to our whole self, our mind and our body. We live so much in our head, we sometimes forget what's happening in our body. Right? So really simple, just witness what is happening in our body when we are in these moments of struggle and try and just send the loving comfort of three to five deep breaths into whatever in your body in that moment feels tense or uncomfortable. Yeah, really simple. So multiple times in a day, in a time of struggle, just check in with your body, what's happening and then send the power of breath, the comfort that breath provides into that and see what shifts.

You know, Ashish, if I may. You know, it's funny, people with an apple watch might already have a feature that says breathe. I think it's funny how you, you know, it's beyond just breathing. It's like you said, come out of your mind, step out and just feel what are you feeling at that moment, at that moment. That's powerful, man. I'm going to give that a try too. So I encourage all of you to do that and give that a go. Three to five breaths, step out of your mind. Feel what your body, what it's feeling, what it's sensing, what's going on there. Love it. Ashish, it was an absolute pleasure catching up, chatting with you, introducing ourselves to this amazing group. Thank you. I'm grateful to be part of this journey with you and I'm excited to what we do next.

Same here, Anil. I appreciate you my dear friend and hopefully over the remaining weeks, months together as we kind of create this journey, I think we continue to grow, our friendship continues to to grow and we collectively build an amazing community of teachers, learners and journey men and women who can be our community, our sangha on this pathway to hardwire ourselves for happiness and really create a much more healthier, happier, kinder world right where people are living with a lot of love and.

A lot of meaning. I love it. Amen to that, brother. Well, Ashish, thank you so much my friend. Appreciate it. Grateful to you, man.

Cheers. Bye.

I hope you enjoyed the episode today on the Happiness Squad podcast. Make sure to hit subscribe on your chosen platform that you listen to us on. If this episode made you think of someone, take a screenshot and share this podcast episode with them. Go to www.happinesssquad.com where you can catch the show notes for this episode and learn more about us and the community we are building. The community is where we gather weekly to practice and connect with other learners, teachers and practitioners working together to unlock our best selves. Lastly, follow along on Instagram yhappinesssquad for tons of behind the scenes as well as short videos designed just for you. It's where we hang out in between episodes once again. Www.happinesssquad.com all links can be found in the description below. Until next time.