Growing a Boutique Business with Impact

Hey, guys. I can't wait for you to meet my friend, Ashley Lemieux. Many of you probably heard her at the Boutique Summit this last year, and today she's on the podcast. It's episode number 229. Let's talk about your business strategy and the juicy details of what actually works, from mainstream fashion to fashion on Main street and the entire ecosystem behind it. How do we scale your company and do it with the balance and the happiness that we all seek? Let's hear from those insiders, experts, and strategists that actually make it happen. I'm your host, Ashley Alderson from the Boutique Hub, and I can't wait to chat.

Hey, guys.

I'm so excited for you to meet my friend Ashley Lemieux on this week's podcast. Many of you had the opportunity to hear Ashley at the Boutique Boss banquet during the Boutique Summit this year and have also had an opportunity to catch.

An early release of her book, which.

Is now available on Amazon, called Born to Shine. She is the founder of a company you might know as the Shine Project. She's a social media influencer, and her and her husband Mike have been involved in the boutique industry and in the wholesale side of the boutique industry for many years together. Her story is one of triumph, but also one of heartbreak. And I'm so excited for you to hear from her today firsthand the life that she's lived this far and. And what she hopes that women everywhere are able to learn from her story. I am totally blown away by the woman that Ashley is and the message that she has to share with all of us. So I'm so excited. I hope you enjoy this week's show. Meet my friend, Ashley Lemieux.

All right. Hey, Ashley, thanks for being on the show today.

Hey, thanks so much for having me.

So I think the last time you and I saw each other, you were fresh from spending the night on a floor in a conference room in a hotel in Atlanta.

Yes. Last time I saw you, it was amazing.

So for those of you who don't know, Ashley joined us as a keynote speaker at the Boutique Summit, actually at the Boutique Boss banquet, which is our awards ceremony for the Boutique Awards. And, like, God bless. I don't know. How did you tell me the story of how you found out you didn't have a room and then you ended up in a conference room?

Well, I didn't find out I didn't have room until midnight after they had made me wait for three hours telling me that my room was still being cleaned. Finally, at like, 12:30, I was like, you guys, I have, like, I need to go to bed. I have a long next two days. I've been here for a long time. And so then they walk me up to a room, and I walk in, and it's a conference room. So that's how I found out. They didn't even tell me until I was in the room.

Oh, my gosh. Did it have a bed? Did you have a cot? What?

Did you have, like, a little rolling cot with a little pillow that they wheeled in?

And did you have to go down the hall to use the bathroom?

No, there was a bathroom, you know, kind of locker shower situation in it, Man.

Well, of all your travels, I guess you could chalk that up as memorable.

And I had the best stories from it, and it was incredible.

Perfect. Oh, my gosh. Well, I. Despite the conference room, I'm so happy that you got to share your time with us at the summit. You and I were just chatting before we started to record whenever Instagram was founded, whatever year that was, someone can Instagram us and tell us DM us. But I think you were one of the first people I started to follow. And we're just so enamored by what you were doing first with the Shine project and your story and just the light that you bring to so many people. So to see it come full circle and to have you be a part of our community at the Hub and to be on the show, that really does mean a lot. So I'm so pumped that you're here today.

No, thanks so much. And I know it's so crazy that that was so long ago and here we are now. And I think it's always just so amazing, you know, the journey that life takes us on to get from where we are, from where we were to where we are, and it's never what we expected it to be, but it's always, you know, what it's supposed to be. So this is super fun to be here with you today.

I love it. If it doesn't challenge us, it doesn't change us, right?

Yep.

Man. So there's a lot of things that we could cover today. And I know for those of you who are listening and you're familiar with Ashley's story, like I was telling Ashley, it's such an important story that I never would want to rush through. And so we're going to give you kind of some full scope of that story today. But I also really wanted to maybe dive into something Ashley doesn't get to Talk about a lot. And that's more of the business side of her journey, because there's just so much fruit to be shared right there. So, Ashley, can you start just for some history and context? I love to hear you. You're just coming out of college. You're a broke college student, right? And you and Mike had. I think you were newlyweds, and you started the Shine Project. Take me back to the beginning and how that process unfolded for you.

So I was a senior in college, trying to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I wanted to be a writer and an author, but I knew how hard it was to be to do that. And growing up, when people asked me what I wanted to do in my life and I would tell them I wanted to write books, it was one of those cute ideas, but wasn't something that people acknowledged as an actual career path. So I kind of shifted courses. And now as a senior in college, trying to figure out what the rest of my life was going to look like, I decided I was going to take an internship at an inner city high school in Phoenix. And it was helping students who were juniors and seniors in high school how to be prepared for college and being able to help them write resumes and applications for school and all those types of things. And I thought that that was something that I would be good at, especially since I loved writing so much. So I took this internship, and simultaneously, it was kind of when blogging people started blogging a little bit. It was before the days of any type of social media. I had a blogger.com account and I created a blog called the Shine Project because I knew that there had to be so many other women out there in the world who were like me and just needed encouragement and needed to find this inner resolve to go after their dreams in their lives. So I started the blog. I'm working at this inner city high school, and I meet these students who I just become immersed in their world. And for the first time, I really saw the struggles that happen in the inner city and in this demographic and living in poverty and not having resources to go to college and dealing with hardships like needing to work multiple jobs to help feed your siblings and sleeping on the floors at night. And as I met these students, and I just loved them so much, I knew that I needed to figure out how to help them go to school. So I decided that I was going to use my blog to allow them to have a voice on it and to be able to have them tell Their stories and to inspire the women reading my blog from the journey that they've been on in their lives, we raised money to send the first. I think we gave seven scholarships that first year and started nonprofit. But then as that, as that next year was rolling around, I just really felt like I needed to give the students jobs, that just giving them money wasn't enough, and that I needed to create a company where we could mentor them, where. Where we could create a product that they were hand making that other women were wearing. And so I taught myself how to make jewelry and then employed the students and taught them how to make it from my cockroach infested two bedroom condo. And that was the start of really everything, man.

Did you have entrepreneurs in your family? Or how did that idea of employment versus scholarship really take place? And how did you know how to start the business in the first place?

No, my dad owns his own company, so does my mom. But I've always been very entrepreneurial minded. And there's a problem that I see. I obsess about it until I can figure out how to fix it or at least contribute to bettering it. And so, you know, with the SHINE project and with, with the youth, as I saw, as I saw the cycle that they were in, I knew that one of the strongest ways to combat, you know, dropout rates of college, because a lot of these students were the first in their families to go to college. A lot were even the first to even graduate from high school. And so not having a background of knowing what to anticipate or, or having had jobs before and learning different types of skills that are going to make them excel in the workplace, I knew that that money was only going to get them so far. And without real life experience and mentorship and accountability, that it was going to be harder for a lot of these youth to graduate.

You tell the story of you and Mike going to buy shoes or going back to school shopping with one of the students you were mentoring, and that being a real turning point for you. Can you talk to me about that story?

So I'd become Facebook friends with a kid who was in, who I had had in the class for a couple years or a couple semesters. And on his Facebook post, he was joking, but it wasn't really a joke, but he was joking how he would be graduating with the same backpack that he had started school with. And I had remembered his backpack because it was really, it was just ragged and it was filthy. And my husband and I didn't have a lot, but we had enough where we could take him, you know, school shopping to maybe get a pair of shoes and a backpack. So picked him up from school one day and we took him back to school shopping. And as we dropped him off at his house, I remember pulling up to where he was living, just feeling my heart sink and just saying, oh, my gosh, this. This can't be it. Please don't let this actually be where you live. And sure enough, you know, it's where he lived. And we walked him up the stairs and he opened the door and there was no furniture. There was no furniture in their. In their apartment. And I learned that they had been. That they slept on the floor, and he was the oldest of four kids, and there wasn't food in the fridge. And, you know, they're just. There are just so many levels of just stuff that these students were working through. And I remember being like, man, you know, these kids are getting hounded for not turning in their homework or failing a test, but they're worried about eating or they're worried about where they're going to be sleeping tonight. They're not worried about bringing in their homework. They're worried about basic life necessities. And I just knew that I couldn't unsee that and that if I were to turn my back on what was going on in my own city, that I would be forever held accountable. And so I needed to help create solutions to the problem.

And so through that employment and that opportunity, through the SHINE project, how many of the students were you able to eventually kind of employ and take under your wing? And are there several of them that you're still in touch with today?

Yes. So we gave over 75 scholarships. I'll never forget when the first class graduated that was just from college and being able to go to their graduation and how excited they were and how proud their families were. There are several kids who are now getting master's degrees, going to law school. So that was just. That was amazing. Some of them now have children of their own who, you know, their example now is going to impact generations for the rest of their lives just because they made the decision to break the cycle and to get a higher education.

That's so beautiful. It's so beautiful. And I think there's so many people today who I'm sure are shaking their heads in agreement that because your business had meaning and was truly there to make an impact and a difference, that stores obviously wanted to carry the line. And I know you were big involved in the wholesale game for a While so a lot of the businesses today or a lot of the consumers today, Gen Z and Millennials have expressed that they would rather do business with companies that have an impact or greater meaning. So if there's anyone who's listening today and they say, you know what, I want to make sure that my business is having a greater impact like yours does, what advice would you have for someone on where to start to try to find those opportunities to do good and to give back and to have more of an authentic impact with a business that they may already have today?

That's a great question.

And I think that it can be a lot simpler than we make it. And I think it starts with, you know, what types of products are you carrying? Are there products that you can bring into your store or your online space that supports a bigger message? Can you host events either online or in store, that a portion is being donated back to a certain person or cause in your community? Can you do different service project days where. Where your customers get together for a greater cause and you guys go out and actively do good within your community? There's just so many different ways to go about making a positive impact. And it can be a lot simpler than we think it has to be.

I love that. And, you know, I think it kind of ties right back to social media and say Instagram or your blog, in order to have an impact, you have to start with a voice or you have to start with a community. And so I love the fact that we live in an Internet age and a social media age, as much as some people hate brings such opportunity. Because you built a blog, because you have Instagram, you're able to impact good in so many thousands of people. So take me back to what it was like for you to first start a community that could then impact with the Shine Project and everything you're doing today. What does it take, do you think, to create a strong community online?

I remember the very beginning days of the Shine Project, and I wanted to do service projects in our community. And so they were nothing fancy. And I'd have like, literally 10 to 15 people show up and we would just do a service project. And as I kept showing up as myself and providing opportunities for women to have connection and also to be a part of something bigger than themselves, then it just kept growing. And so I think when it comes to building community, that you just have to consistently keep showing up and be the leader of that community. And sometimes you're going to be leading a few people and perhaps that might grow into Many people. But wherever your circle of influence lies, it's. I just believe that it's your responsibility to keep showing up for them consistently.

I love that. So, specifically, let's talk about Instagram, because that's definitely the strongest home for your community and probably where most people connect with you, I'm assuming. And talk to me, you know, strategically. The business mind in me wants to know, okay, you know, how many times do you post a week and talk to me about the strategy behind your captions and your photography? Like, all these things that make your Instagram so great. Where did you start with that and how has that continued to grow?

Honestly, everything that I do, you know, specifically on Instagram is to show a real life snapshot of my life and the feelings that I have and just being able to put words to things that a lot of people feel but maybe don't know how to say themselves, and then they're able to feel less alone. For photography, you know, sometimes I'll batch content and I'll hire a photographer and we'll just take a ton of shots throughout the day. But most of the time, my husband and I have a tripod and we're just capturing a moment in our house or we're taking a quick photo somewhere. I just. I try to create just really real life photos around what I'm doing because I'm a normal, you know, real person, just like everyone else who's following me for my captions. What's really important is that, especially as I've gone on my healing journey these past few years, I've learned a lot of things, things that I know can help other women. And so I feel like it's my responsibility to break down what those are and provide just tangible concepts and tools and captions that I know will help other women. So weekly, if there's something that I learned the week before, one of my questions is, how do I break this down and teach it simply online so that when people come to my feed, you know, I think Instagram is so great, but it also can be really look at me type of place. Look at me, look what I'm doing, look what I'm wearing. Look at.

Just look at me.

And so how I approach that is, how can I get on here and look at my audience so that they're not looking at me, but that they're reading and taking what I say and applying it back to themselves to change their own lives? So that's my approach to everything.

That'S so good. And, you know, authenticity is such A it can be such a buzzword. Right. But what it comes down to is just being able to listen and then show up as yourself, but through your reader's eyes. So I think everything you said was, it's beautiful because it's giving them what they're asking for every single day in such a real way. Is there. I think about your photography. It is so beautiful when you and Mike do have a tripod in the house or you're just capturing those moments. I know photography is a struggle for some people. So are there apps or tools that you use that you feel like have really helped you in that department?

Yeah, I mean, there are so many different types of presets now that you can use, and it's amazing what you can just do from your phone. So don't be overwhelmed by this. Honestly, if photography is a struggle for you, start with your phone and find some good apps that have good presets that can filter your photos. One that I love is Tezza T E Z Z A and she creates some awesome presets that you can just edit your photos with right on your phone after you take them. But also, there's also probably a lot of photographers in your area who are new who want to get their content out there. So I'm always a big fan of supporting each other and collaborating. So try to reach out to photographers that are in your area who can take photos of you and that you can post and tag them. There's just so many ways to be able to create quality content.

How do you sit down when you're talking about batch creating your content? Is there a day of the week that is, let's say, your social media day? Because I know you've got a book tour and all these other things happening in life is crazy. So how do you fit it in planning what content you're going to share for the week, not just on your Instagram, but for the Shine project and all the other businesses that you and Mike have together?

Yeah. So, you know, at the start of every single month, I do what's called clarity mapping for my month. And it's just a process that I've come up with. And I always choose one theme for my month. And I answer the question, what is my intention this month? So, for example, for September, because my book comes out next month, is that I want women to know that I can help them find their power even in the midst of their pain, because that's everything that my book is about. Right. So. So now that I know my intention for the month. I can break that down and ask myself the question, okay, well, what does it look like? What do they need to see from me to know and to trust that I can help them turn their pain into their power. And then I'll come up with every single week, I'll break it down into, okay, here's the topic for this week. Here's what we can break it down. Here's what stories can be shared. And then with images, I'll just kind of plop them in and, you know, choose a free day on my calendar where I can get a photographer and we can go out for a couple hours and take some photos that we sprinkle throughout the month.

I love it. So it doesn't have to be overwhelming, but it all goes back to answering the questions that your followers really want to know most and what you think will impact them the most. I love that. So talk to me about Mike's involvement in that process, because as you and I were talking about before the show, I knew that he was involved in E commerce and in social media, but I didn't realize to what extent. So is he involved in that process with you as well?

He's not actually my husband. I mean, we bounce ideas off of each other a lot, and we'll have meetings every once in a while, but he fully runs his own company. He actually does strategy and marketing for small brands, large businesses, and influencers to help them monetize and grow on social. And so I'll drag him along to shoot sometimes because I want him in the content, but. And he's very supportive, and he'll come out on my book tour with me. But. But we do kind of our. We do our own things.

I recently started working with my husband on a daily basis in our company, and I always admire people that work with their spouse or work closely with their spouse because it's just. It's a whole other level of intimacy. Right. And something that you talk about in your book, which I think is so beautiful, is your relationship and your relationship of loving yourself first before finding love in your relationship and making each other a priority in that process. I'd love to know just kind of how you guys approach keeping a healthy relationship on a regular basis.

I think one of the most unhealthy things that we can do inside of a relationship is have a relationship to seek validation and find love for ourselves. Because when we do that, it puts so much pressure on the other person to feel fill this need or this void that we have that we are now you know, projecting on them to fix in our lives. So something that's been really important for us and for me is to have time to myself where I'm filling myself up first. I start that with morning meditation every single day. And I'm able to come at life and into my relationships from a place being able to give and love and serve rather than being the drain in the relationship that's trying to suck energy from everybody else. Because I don't have my own. That's something that's really important. Throughout the day I work downstairs and my husband works upstairs. And if there are times where he comes down, you know, I just, we have to have open communication and let him know, hey, like this is my office time and I can't have this interruption. But then at night when work is done, it's really important for us to just be together. You know, sometimes we'll start talking about work when work is done and one of us will be like, okay, my brain is done for the day. I need boss Ashley or entrepreneur Mike to just go away and just be my husband and we can revisit this tomorrow. So we just always have to have open communication so that we can be, you know, husband and wife and not always be like a working, working entrepreneurs.

Absolutely. You kind of have to have like the movie for Christmases. You kind of have to have a code word like mistletoe, like you know, when it's time to shut it off. Alright, so talk to me about date nights and how do you make yourself a priority outside of being together during the day?

Yeah, so there's three things that my husband and I focus on. The first one is that we always try to have dinner together and then after our dinner time is work free time, unless there's a big project or something going on. But having that moment together that we just both no's and non negotiable has been really important. The other thing is that we always go to bed at the same exact time. It's been really important for us to end our days together. It just helps us feel like we're on the same page, we're living the same life and we're just ending it together. And then the third thing that we do that's been really helpful is we have an outside hobby that we focus on. So like our thing right now is boxing. And we've been boxing really hard and consistently for the past two years and we have a trainer and we go about four days a week. But being able to progress in something else together and Be able to have that goal has really brought us closer. And it's fun, and it reminds you that your spouse is fun and you like to hang out with them.

That's such a good point. Hopefully you don't box each other, but it sounds like only once in a while. But it sounds like a ton of fun.

Yes.

So, you know, a big part of your guys's public life together is sharing your story, your family story, and, you know, in terms of relationship, I would love to ask, you know, a little bit about your family story here in a second and have you share that, but in terms of, you know, still talking about relationship, I know there's so many people, you know, I've got my own family members that have been through trauma, and sometimes the relationship is what struggles most with your spouse after you overcome something like that, because you feel so stuck in that moment. Are there things that you've done together to strengthen your marriage after dealing with a trauma together?

Yeah.

I mean, our marriage just went through the wringer, every sense of the word. And I didn't know. I didn't know, honestly, if we'd be able to get it back because we didn't know how to be married without the trauma that we were living in. Part of our story is that we took guardianship of two kids overnight, and then four years later, there was an unexpected contested adoption. We were in court fighting for them for two years, and then we lost them. And so the past five years of our lives have been in such upheaval and so stressful that outside of that, we didn't even know how to operate. So after we lost our kids, you know, also going from being a couple with children to not, and just having the emptiness and the quietness of the house, and it just being us, too. We were both grieving, but we also both needed each other. And so trying to finger out how to not let it destroy us, but to come together and make it stronger was. Was really difficult for. For a really long time.

Mm. And. And where do you even go to begin to. To share that? Because when you guys were going through so much of the trauma you were going through, you weren't able to talk about it publicly, but you had one another. I mean, what type of support systems did you guys have to help you through that process?

Counseling.

Honestly.

And then we actually moved across the country to just kind of start over and be by ourselves. You know, of course our families were supportive, but they were grieving also, so we had to kind of build and create our own support system. And it was. It was one of the hardest things that I've ever done in my life.

I can't imagine. Just for those of you who are listening and you. You haven't heard all of this story. And like I said at the beginning, I want to do it justice. So is there a place for all of the full detail for those who are interested, Ashley, that people could go listen a specific podcast you'd like to share with them for all of the detail?

Actually, if you go to my Instagram, which is AshleyKayla Mew in the links in my story highlights, there's a highlight that says podcasts, and it will give you a couple options so that you can hear our story in its entirety and also hear the things that we've done to help us heal and continue to move forward.

Mm.

And the story is such a huge part of the book that you wrote, Born to Shine. And like I was telling you, I just. I finished reading it after I had an opportunity to get a copy at the Boutique Summit. And it's so beautiful because it shares the story. It talks in such detail about the kids and what's happened since all of this took place. But really, the matter is, how does anyone, a woman today, a man today, how does anybody overcome such a difficult situation and find light amongst all of the darkness? So can you talk about what did it take to come from that drama and trauma to write the book and to start to share your story like you're doing today?

Yeah. I mean, for so long, I wasn't allowed to, you know, talk about what was going on in our lives. And so when I finally was able to talk about was really hard, and I didn't know how, and it was really scary, but I just kept feeling like it had to come outside of me. Like keeping it all inside was just literally killing me and making me physically sick. And I just knew that what I had been through could help reach other women. And so I started. I just started writing and sharing my story with the intention of helping women know that they weren't alone. And as I was talking about just everything that I was struggling with and everything that we went through, the amount of messages that I received from thousands of women across the world just kept. Just. Kept fueling my ability to keep sharing.

And I got to a point in.

My life where I knew that if I didn't write this book, if I didn't write a book, that I was just going to keep hitting this brick.

Wall over and over again.

And writing the book at first was really hard. But then it became really healing. And I just knew that this book was written so that I could heal. And now is being put out into the world to help other people. Women healed, too.

I love it. Part of your talk is talking about finding joy in the present and even amidst the things we go to. Right. I am here. And you are able to find what's in that moment. Can you talk about what that saying, I am here, what that means to you?

Yeah. So what I have learned about pain is that at first, we want to run away from. We do so many things in our life to try to avoid pain because it's uncomfortable and because it's scary and.

Because we don't want to feel it. And so I spent a long time.

Trying to run away from it. And my husband and I were traveling. We went to Europe for six weeks after we lost the kids to literally just escape. And there's this one moment we were in Italy, and there was a mom and a daughter sitting next to me, and she was my daughter. The daughter was my daughter's age, and she had just lost her first tooth. And her and her mom were really excited about it. And I couldn't understand them because they were speaking Italian, but they were just so happy and hugging. And I just lost it. I just started sobbing because the wound of losing my daughter was still fresh. And I had remembered her losing her first tooth. And also the weight of knowing that we're not going to have those memories together anymore, any new ones, was just so overwhelming. So I got up to go run back to the hotel because I just.

Didn'T want any part of it anymore.

And as I got up and for some reason, I looked up and I was in the middle of this square. It was so beautiful. There's this big cathedral, and I'm in Europe. And I just had this thought that I can't keep running away. Like, look where I am right now. I'm here. I'm right here. And I need to live in this moment or I'm going to miss all the good moments in my life because I was too sad to live in them. So I threw up my hands and I literally yelled out loud in the middle of this square, I am here. I'm right here.

And I just kept repeating it.

And that is something now that I do every single day as I look.

At myself in the mirror and I say, I am here.

And I believe that all the moments in our lives have led us to this moment. And so how dare we run away from it?

Pain.

I have learned that when we stop running away from it, we can actually invite us in to teach us, and it can teach us what it is that we need to know in our present moment.

Oh, that's beautiful. What do they say? Life isn't happening to you, it's happening for you.

Yeah.

Right. I think you mentioned maybe it was on your Instagram this week, but you were talking about, especially with back to school, that there can be all of these should have moments in life. I should have, or it should be this. And I think about, I have a sister who lost a son to suicide, and she deals with those moments every day. You know, he should be getting married now and he should be having kids now. Do you kind of look at that and those moments the same way of we can't live in the should haves, but we have to live in the I am here and in the present.

Absolutely. My whole life would be a should have, would have, could have if I allowed it to be. And so being able to say, but I'm right here and this is my life. And then being able to just feel either the weight of it if I'm having a hard time, or the joy of it if it's a good time. And just allowing me to be fully present in the moment, because that's where we find our power. And it's when we live in the should have, would have, could have that we give our power away to our pain is there.

You know, as you think about your journey and now the journey that you have to share this message with so many people, how do you find yourself in the space where you aren't letting just this one moment define you, but let this be one piece of your story. But there's so much more of your story yet to unfold.

Yeah.

You know, something for me is that I believe now it's my privilege and my calling to help other women through their pain, because I know what it feels like. And so I think that when we can start looking at our pain as our privilege, which I know sounds so crazy and so impossible. And, you know, even the first year and a half, if someone told me, your pain needs to be your privilege after we lost our kids, I would have punched him in the face. And, you know, to be honest, that when my pain started becoming my privilege was when I wasn't defined by it anymore.

And just finding that moment where that one turning point. Right. It just takes one tiny step into that turning point to shift your entire reality.

Well, and I always say that healing isn't one moment, but it's constant movement. And so I just, I believe that every day we have the ability to do, even if it's really small, even if the best we can do is just get out of bed that day. But we, the small movements lead. Lead us further down the path than we even comprehend.

You're really good at saying yes in moments. That would be really scary for some, right? Not that it's easy, but starting the Shine project, or living in an apartment full of cockroaches, or saying yes to the kids, or saying yes to the book. Amongst all of this pain, I'm assuming you've got people that ask you now, you know, what's your opinion of the adoption system? Or how could the foster care system be fixed? Or maybe there's people who are scared to say yes to helping children or take on foster children because they're scared of, what if this happens to me? What advice do you have for those people?

You know, our situation was really unique because we didn't go. We didn't go into the situation as foster parents. We were guardians. And so it was a lot different. But through our process and the process in the court system, we learned a lot. And I always say that the juvenile court system in this country is one of our best kept worst secrets. And nationwide, the amount of trauma that we allow kids in foster care to keep going through is horrific. And they need families who are strong and stable and ready to love them unconditionally, to be prepared for whatever happens next in their lives. When you go in as a foster parent, you know that the very first case plan is reunification. That's just, that's just what it is. Because we were not foster parents and believed and had no reason to ever believe that we would not be together. Once that became a reality, it was really out of left field. But if you have a desire to foster, go foster, find a good agency who can support you. And go in knowing that you're doing it for the kids and that your heart might be broken a few times, but that your goal and your job is to provide a loving home to prepare them to go back to their biological home. And as far as adoption, you know, people ask me a lot, would we have done what we did knowing the outcome and a thousand times over? Yes. The pain and the grief and the agony and the desperation, as deep as it is, will never overshadow the amount of love that the four of us had. And so that's what leads everything in my life. So if you're Wanting to adopt. I encourage you to adopt and I also encourage you to figure out what the laws are and to go in with your eyes wide open so that you can make the best decisions for your family and for your future, future child.

Mm.

You talk a lot about at the end of the book. Your eyes being open to the pain that others walking past you on the street today might also be facing in their life. You're woke to the reality of the world we live in where, you know, despite social media, not everything is rosy. Right?

Yeah.

Talk to me about that perspective. And if there's someone that maybe hasn't faced a trauma in their life, what does it mean to be woke and to have your eyes open to what most people are facing in their day to day life?

So the year anniversary of losing our kids, my mom called me and she said, you know, Ashley, there are so many people hurting, and before this we didn't know. And I feel like pain or loss or all these things that we're talking about. You enter into a. I call it the club of life. And in this club, maybe your club looks like a hospital waiting room or support group or a therapist or a divorce counselor or whatever that thing is that has welcomed you into the club is usually the thing that you hate the most. But now that you're in the club, you see things differently. You're able to relate to people differently, you're able to help them differently because you. You see the world in a completely different way. You cannot go through trauma and pain and not see things differently. The tricky part is to not allow that pain and trauma to cloud everything so it looks miserable forever. But to have. But to choose to have just a new set of lenses where you're able to see people and things in a way you never would have before, so that you can show up differently in a way that you wouldn't have known how to before. But now that you have the experience, you know what they need that's so good.

It goes back to this sounds way too cliche to say, but that everything happens for a reason that the club of life has opportunity for you to learn from. Right. As painful as it always is.

Yes.

You have five key points at the end of your book that I thought were so, so good for all of us, no matter what stage of life we're at or what we've been through or haven't been through. And I'd love for you to share those with us today.

Yes. Okay. So the first one is that you're not stuck that if you feel stuck, you're probably just standing still. And so start creating movement in your life so that you don't feel stuck anymore. And those can be really small things. But the first thing I say to myself is, yes, I can. Yes, I can. Yes, I can do this. So start there. The second one is that it? So in my book, I talk about the. It's in our life, like that thing that just derails you. So the second thing is that it isn't a void. It is usable space. Fill it with light and positivity. So, for example, when I lost my kids, a huge chunk of my heart went with them, and I felt this void, and I thought I had to fill it with Netflix or social media or food or more time at the gym. But I've learned that our big it. It's not a void. It's actually usable space that we can choose to fill with good things. The third thing is, is to not give your power away to share it. And, you know, I think a lot of times we feel powerless because we give our power away and we blame other people or situations. We blame everyone else for our problems, and then we just kind of pass the responsibility of our lives on to everyone else. But I've learned that we give our power away when we do that. So instead of giving your power away, you can share it with yourself and.

With the people around you who need you the most.

The next one is see the good and be the good. So that kind of goes back to looking at life with a new lens and being able to notice the good things around you, even when life feels really heavy. And then being the good, you know, and if you can't see the good around you, then you start becoming it, and you start doing the things that you wish someone would have done for you. And the last one, and this is my favorite, but it's to stop waiting and to start right now. I think that tomorrow always seems to look better than today. And we think that tomorrow we'll have more money or we'll feel better about ourselves or we'll have more love. So we always put off the most important things, but waiting doesn't get us anywhere. It actually makes us feel stuck. So my challenge to you is to start right now, today.

I love it. You also say in the book the courage starts right, that a lot of people see your big leap, but they don't know that courage had to start with just getting out of bed one morning.

Yes.

Just making the choice. So if anyone hasn't had an Opportunity. I know lots of people were able to grab your book at this summit, but if someone has not had an opportunity to get it yet or to place a pre order, what's the best way to do that?

You can go to my website, which is theshineproject.com tour. You can pre order right from there. Everyone who pre orders my book actually gets livestream access to our big live event in Salt Lake on October 7th. And on that page you can also see if we're coming to a book tour stop near you. And your ticket to that will include a book. Also, if you just want to head straight over to Amazon, you can pre order it there as well.

Awesome. So the book tour, I don't know how you're keeping this all straight because your book tour is pretty intense, right? It's a couple of weeks. And how many stops in the tour?

I think there's eight. Seven or eight.

Oh my goodness. And besides that, you announced some really cool news on social media as well that you guys are in the midst of moving as well.

Yes, we are actually moving back to Phoenix, which we're so excited about because that's where we're from. We never thought we'd be able to live there again after losing our kids. So being able to go back and be by our family and grow our roots there again feels really exciting.

Awesome. And productivity hacks or time blocking hacks, how do you keep your time managed in chaos like this?

I actually. So I have a system called clarity mapping that I do and that's really helpful. But in the mornings I have meditation and then I also have Brendan Burchard's High performance planner. And I literally block out every single hour of my day and I ask myself specific questions like how will I know that today is a good day? Or how do I want to feel at the end of today to know that it was a good day so that from the very beginning I have a plan and an intention so that I'm making the most progress as possible.

I love that I have his planner too. And those questions make such a huge.

Difference because it's so easy, isn't it.

To just drift through every hour without intention and then to get to the end of the day and feel like, what did I really accomplish?

What did I do? And I'm still stressed.

Exactly. But when you focus on the feeling. Right. That you want to experience versus the task you're going to check off, it's a whole new perspective.

Yes, absolutely.

Perfect. Well, Ashley, I just really want to commend you. Thank you for spending time with us today. Thanks for spending time and sharing your story at the Boutique Summit and for the message that you're bringing to so many people across the world. Because everyone has some opportunity to join the club of life, right? No matter what it might be. And so this message is just so important and I commend you and Mike, having watched this journey unfold just from afar, not even knowing you, I can't imagine, I can't even begin to imagine what you've been through. But sharing your pain so that others can prosper through the pain is incredibly beautiful.

Well, thank you. Thanks so much for letting me join you on your podcast.

Awesome. All right. Thank you so much.

Isn't Ashley amazing? I love her spirit and her outlook on life and her mission to empower.

Women around the world. Hey guys, if you haven't had a.

Chance yet to get her book Born to Shine, please follow the link in our show notes to go get a copy now.

I've already read it. It's a short and easy read and.

I know you're really gonna love and write resonate with her story. And if you'd love to hear more about meeting awesome people like Ashley in person and you're interested in attending one of our events at the Boutique Hub, make sure to mark your calendars. This week we are announcing the dates of the 2020 Boutique Summit. We'll be telling you where that's coming in the middle of summer in 2020. And also for those of you who are on the Western side of things, marker dates for January 9, 2020 in Denver, Colorado for our third annual Western Summit. Guys, I hope you love this episode. Thanks so much for tuning in and I'll catch up with you next week. Hey guys, thank you so much for listening to this episode. We hope that you loved it. Don't forget to hit subscribe and leave a rating and review down below for a chance to be one of our featured listeners each and every week. For more information on our spirit of community over competition and how to access complete show notes and bonus downloads from our guests, head on over to the boutiquehub.com and join the community. We'll see you next week.

Sa.