Managing Your Imposter Syndrome

Let's face it, we all suffer from imposter syndrome. And the key message in today's episode is that you are not alone. And your best bet to manage your imposter syndrome is to change the relationship you have with that voice in your head, that inner critic. So that's what we're going to be talking about today, the thorny topic of imposter syndrome. So let's get on with the show. Accelerate your agency's profitable growth with tools, tips and value added interviews with your host agency owner and coach, Rob DaCosta. Today's episode of the Agency Accelerator Podcast is sponsored by Cloudways. Loved by agencies around the world, Cloudways is a managed cloud hosting platform that takes care of all the web hosting related complexities, leaving users free to focus on growing their businesses and clients. The platform offers unmatched performance, reliability, choice and 247365 support that acts as an extension to your own team, making Cloudways the ultimate choice for growing agencies. Now, at present, Cloudways is offering an exclusive discount for the Agency accelerator listeners. So visit cloudways.com and use the promo code AA20. That's AA20 to get a discount of 20% off your first three months on the hosting platform of your choice. Okay, on with today's show. So, hey everybody. Today we're going to talk about imposter syndrome. And I thought it's probably best to start with some kind of definition because we've probably all got a different view of what imposter syndrome is. So this is what I found when I was researching this. So imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern in which individuals doubt their skills, their talents or their accomplishments. And they have this persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a form fraud, which I'm sure we can all relate to. Despite external evidence of their competence, those experience imposter syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and they don't deserve to have the success and all the things that they've achieved. And what we end up doing is we incorrectly attribute the success to just good luck or being in the right place at the right time. And so in the end, imposter syndrome keeps us in our comfort zone and it stops us growing and it stops us taking risks. And it's worth noting that it impacts men and women in equal measure. Whoa, that feels really depressing. But we can't just ignore that inner critic. And especially at the moment where we're all becoming much more aware and talking more about our mental health, a loud inner critic is not going to help Yours or my own mental health. I think it's worth reiterating that everyone has imposter syndrome to some degree or other, including the most successful entrepreneurs who look the most confident people in the world. So it's worth knowing that, that you are not alone. And that is the first key point to take away from today's episode. And secondly, the. Another key point is that it isn't about getting rid of your imposter syndrome, because if we know we've all got it, it's not about getting rid of it. It's about having a more healthy relationship with your inner voice and finding tactics, which I'm going to talk about to improve that relationship. Now, the third point I want to make is that there are certain traits that entrepreneurs have that. That can lead to making your imposter syndrome more debilitating. So let's just unpack a few of these. So, first of all, there's the perfectionist, which of course, many entrepreneurs are. Now, perfectionists set an extremely high expectation for themselves, which by definition means they can never succeed. So even if they are meeting 99% of those very high expectations and those goals, they're still going to feel like failures. And any small mistake will make them question their own competence. And guess what? This leads to kind of reinforcing that inner voice that's saying, hey, you're a fraud, you're an imposter, you're going to be found out. The second type is the expert. And the expert feels like they need to know absolutely everything before they start a project or before they can call themselves really competent. And so they're constantly looking for new channels to learn or books to read. In the end, the expert often sticks in their comfort zone for fear of not knowing enough if they expand their horizons and step outside. And guess what this leads to. Imposter syndrome. Now, the third trait that can often lead to further enforcing imposter syndrome is the fact that agency owners are often poor delegators. And so they sort of become soloists because they feel like they have to accomplish all these tasks themselves and they have to be experts before they could possibly ask anyone else to do it. And that means that they don't delegate, they don't ask for help, and that they think that if they do need to ask for help or they can't do it themselves, then they are a failure and a fraud, and this leads to imposter syndrome. So I just want to say that as a good delegator, you don't have to be able to do the task you just have to understand what the task is and understand what the outcome is and communicate effectively to your team member. And the fourth trait is trying to be Superman or Superwoman. So those people push themselves to work harder than those around them to prove prove that they're not imposters. They feel the need to succeed in all aspects of life, not just running their agency, but as parents, as partners, friends and so on. And they may feel stressed when they are not accomplishing something. And guess what, guys? This leads to imposter syndrome. So I'm sure that you can relate to some of these categories just as I can. And I think it's worth acknowledging that we. I've been all of those four things at different times in my career. So now we acknowledge that we all suffer from imposter syndrome at one time or another. Let's just talk about some strategies to actually manage that relationship with your inner voice. So I always think that there's two sides to our inner voice. There's the critic and there's the coach. And your challenge overall is to turn down the volume of the critic and to turn up the volume of the coach. And given that it takes 21 days to change a behavior, you have to consistently do this in order to make that behaviour change. Think about a behavior as a. I'm going to get this all wrong. So I apologize to any neuroscientists out there, but think of a behavior as a neural pathway and think of that neural pathway like a, well, trodden path in the forest. So it's really easy to walk down that pathway. But if you want to change your behavior, you need to create a new neural pathway or a new, new pathway in the forest. And at first it's really difficult to walk that pathway. You have to push through the undergrowth. You've got to tread it down. You might have to chop some of it down. So it's really easy to give up walking that path and go back down the old regular path that you're used to. But if you keep working at it for those 21 days and that new pathway becomes trodden and easier to walk, and meanwhile the old forest pathway has grown and disappeared. And that's how you change behavior. So it takes 21 days to change your behavior. And we want to start focusing on our coach, which is more supportive than our critic, which is just, you know, creating imposter syndrome and keeping us in our safe comfort zone. So one of the first steps to overcoming those feelings of being an imposter is to simply Acknowledge that they exist, and to put them into perspective. So what you really need to do is just observe that they're happening as opposed to engaging with them. And then you want to be saying to yourself, how does this thought help me? And the answer is, often it doesn't. And therefore, you can start to reframe your thoughts and create this new pathway. You know, this voice in our head, there's an emotional side to it and there's a rational side to it. And the rational voice needs to be asking this question of, how does this help me? Because when you're in that rational moment, that's when you can start to say, well, it doesn't, so why am I really engaging with this? So if you're just observing that you're having these thoughts but not engaging with them, then that's going to be very different to having a thought, really engaging with it, and then letting that thought dictate your actions. I think also if you have a mentor or a trusted partner that you can talk with, then share these thoughts with them. Because sometimes just saying this stuff out loud and having someone act as a mirror to you is just a really good way of getting the right kind of perspective. Now, another strategy that works really well for me that I've used many times myself, is this. And let me step back here and say that we as human beings can only consciously think of one thing at once. We can subconsciously think of seven. Do seven things. That's like that time when you're driving home and you're thinking, how on earth did I get here? That's because you know that journey so well. You're doing it in your subconscious, but consciously. We can only think of one thing at once. So if you're consciously engaging with your imposter syndrome voice, then that's the thing you're engaging with. However, if you use some distraction techniques to change the subject and consciously think about something else, then that imposter syndrome voice will die down because you're not engaging with it. Think of it like a fire. So the fire is burning. If you engage with it, you're putting more fuel on the fire and it becomes more real. Whereas if you distract from it and think about something else, then the fire is getting no oxygen, and then for eventually it goes out. So use a distraction technique. Think of something, sing a song in your head or whatever it is to distract you in the moment so you stop engaging with that imposter syndrome voice. I think another really good strategy of dealing with your imposter syndrome is to get into journaling. Now, all I mean by that is just write down when you're having those thoughts and write those thoughts in black and white. And if you implement the morning and evening rituals that I've spoken about many times and written about before, then part of that should be journaling. And so when you're having these negative thoughts, these imposter syndrome thoughts, just write them down, because it can get it out of your head for a start, and you can start to see it through a more rational pair of eyes when it's written down in black and white. I think another thing that's worth saying this isn't so much a strategy, but is more of a reminder, is that we need to be kind to ourselves. So when you're having these imposter syndrome thoughts that can often lead you to beat yourself up. You just need to be kind to yourself and just take a moment, stop, take a breath, get some perspective and remind yourself that you are not Superman, you are not Superwoman, that it isn't great to be a perfectionist, that you do have people you can delegate to, even if it's a va, and that you need to be kinder to yourself. And on that note, we really need to make sure that we get a balanced view of our successes, on our failures. Entrepreneurs often beat themselves up about what they haven't done and they focus on that, and that again leads to imposter syndrome. Whereas if we can get a more balanced view of our successes and our failures, then that will really help with imposter syndrome. And that really ties into the journaling point that I made just now, because you should write down at the end of your day, you know, the things that you've done really well, the things that have gone really well, as well as the things that you would like to improve. Now, I find having a realistic to do list every day really helps with this because it helps me feel accomplished and it helps me also make sure that I'm focused on the most important things in my business that move my business forward and not my distractions. And whilst this episode isn't about to do lists, here's just a few quick reminders for you. First of all, schedule in your morning and evening rituals. Make sure that your morning ritual is starting off by planning your day over. Estimate how long things will take so that you win back time, rather than have lots of other things that happen during the day that mean that your to do list is actually longer at the end of the day than it was at the beginning of the Day. I tell you what, my to do list every single day gets ticked off, every single item. And if you want to feel good about yourself and your day, then you want to do that. So I simply say, like recording this podcast, for example. I scheduled about an hour and a half to record this podcast, but I'll probably get it done in about an hour and a quarter in terms of writing it and figuring out the structure and then recording it. So that wins me back 15 minutes. And in that 15 minutes, I can check my emails, I can make a cup of tea, I. I can move on to the next task earlier, and I can make sure by the end of my day, every task is ticked off. And then I feel in control of my day. And I don't have this nagging voice telling me that there's something else I should have done, because I took the time in my morning ritual to work out what the priorities are and what I need to get done today to move me forward. Let's just end this episode with a bit of a quick fire section. So I saw this quote when I was researching this that I really like, and that is the only way to stop feeling like an imposter is to stop thinking like an imposter, which is so true. So here are six steps. So. And I've already talked about some of this already. So number one, really quickly break the silence, acknowledge that everybody has this and talk about it. That's what I'm doing today. I have imposter syndrome, and I'm sharing that with you. So that's number one. Number two, the really good one here is separate feelings from facts. Sometimes we take an emotion and we think it's a fact, but it isn't a fact. It's just an emotion and it's a story that we tell ourselves. So when you can realize that it's just a feeling and I can change that feeling, or it's just a story I'm telling myself and I can change that, then you can begin to take more control. The next tip is to develop a healthy response to failure and making mistakes. Because let's face it, guys, we all are going to fail at some time or another, and we are all going to make mistakes. Henry Ford once said, failure is the only opportunity to begin again more intelligently. So instead of beating yourself up for falling short, do what players on the losing sports team do and get some learnings from your loss and move on, reminding yourself, I'll get it right next time. The next tip is to write the rules. If you've been operating under the under misguided rules like I should always know the answer or I must never ask for help, Then you need to change those thoughts and recognize that you have as much right as the next person to be wrong, to have an off day or to ask for help. The next one is to visualize success and do what professional athletes do. So spend time beforehand picturing yourself making that amazing presentation or public speech. That's much better than standing in the wings thinking about everything that you're going to do wrong and how you're going to be found out by your audience. So my last tip is the fake it till you make it. Or I prefer to use the term act as if, because now and then we've all got to fly by the seat of our pants. That's just part of running an agency and being an entrepreneur. But rather than considering winging it as proof of your ineptness and everything that you don't know, learn to do what many high achievers do and actually view it as a really great skill. Now, the point of that worn out phrase of fake it till you make it still stands. So don't wait until you know everything. You're the perfectionist. Till you feel confident to start putting yourself out there. Courage comes from taking risks. And when we take risks, we expand our comfort zone. So I'm a really big believer in acting as if. So act as if you're supremely confident because people will sense that energy from you. Whereas if you're going out there feeling super nervous, people are also going to sense that from you. And remember that by and large, human beings don't want you to fail. They want you to succeed. So act as if or fake it till you make it is a really good way of helping overcome imposter syndrome. Okay? So I hope this episode has helped you. I hope that clarification that we all suffer from imposter syndrome kind of gives you a bit of comfort. And I also hope that some of the tips and advice I've shared will help you start to make a change. If you feel like imposter syndrome gets in your way sometimes and stops you moving forward, remember that most people experience moments of self doubt in their life and that's completely normal. The important part is not to let that self doubt or that voice in your head or that imposter syndrome dictate and control your actions. So the goal is not to never feel like an imposter. The goal is to have the tools and the insights and the knowledge to be able to talk yourself away from engaging with imposter syndrome and acting upon it. We all can still have those imposter moments, but not that imposter life. So I hope that one helped. You know, I'm not claiming to be an expert on any of this stuff, but I've certainly done training on my NLP and also training on mental toughness, which digs into all that we've talked about today. So I hope that helps you. If it does, please consider leaving a review. Make sure you subscribe, and please share this with your colleagues, because obviously I want to reach as many people as I can, especially as we head towards episode 100. But other than that, I hope you have a great rest of your week, and I will see you next week for the next episode of the Agency Accelerator podcast. Sat.