Reclaiming Resilience || Podcast (Episode 3) || Ishan Shivanand

Welcome all listeners. Today's episode will focus on the topic of resilience, and resilience can be a guiding light that helps us get through tough times. And Ishaanji, to help our listeners better understand, how would you define resilience?

For me, it would be how long it takes for us to get back on track after an incident has occurred in our life. Uh, whenever somebody asks me how I would define resilience, I think the best definition that I myself was given was by this veteran friend of mine. So he was a combat veteran that had a suffered during his tours and had suffered grave loss to his limbs and body. And he was a very joyous person, and he was explaining to me, and he explained to me resilience as a graph. So he made one line, and he said, this line represents your— the vertical line, it represents your quality of life. And then he made a horizontal line and he said, this line represents your age. And then he says, our life, our expectation is that as age progresses, the quality of life will increase. And then when that graph is going up, age is progressing, quality of life is increasing, let us assume a traumatic incident happens. It can be a loss, It can be a loss of family, it can be a loss of relationship, it can be some form of failure. And immediately what happens is that our quality of life drops down. We are processing that trauma, we are in that state of suffering. Now, resilience is how long it takes us to go back to where we were before the traumatic incident occurs. If we have low resilience, then it will take us a very long time to heal from a situation or from that emotional damage that we have gone through. But if we have high resilience, then it takes us less time to process and cope with the issues. And today, resilience has become something extremely important.

You mentioned having the— when we go through a lot of emotional damage, and when we go through a lot of trauma and difficulties in our life, that we are coming back to— when we practice resilience, we're coming back to a point in ourselves where we're able to be our fullest selves. And many of our listeners can experience difficulties practicing methods of resilience and trying to get back to their fullest and happiest self. So what would you say are some methods that our listeners can utilize to practice resilience?

There's this ancient text in India that is called the Upanishad, and there is a story of two birds on that text. And the story is that On the tree, there are two birds. A bird on the lower branch is a bird in a state of anxiety. It jumps from one branch to another. It's always chirping, and it's always experiencing some form of chaos. The bird on the highest branch is just witnessing. It is just the observer. And what Upanishads are trying to say is that there is our real self, our mind, our soul, that is the bird on the above branch. It is always witnessing. It cannot be hurt or harmed by words. It cannot be affected by sticks and stones, and it is beyond any incident. And the bird on, on the lower branch is our conscious mind presently, the conscious mind that likes to react to everything, the mind that thinks that every single incident is the end of the world. So the Upanishad is trying to tell us our life will become whichever bird we associate ourselves with. If we associate ourselves with a bird on the lower branch and we, we think that, okay, we are defined by our experiences, we are defined by the damage that we have taken, we are defined by the pain that we carry in our heart, then yes, that is who we are, that is what the life is going to be. But if we associate ourselves with the bird on the higher branch, and if we say to ourselves, oh, we are, we are more than the sum total of our experiences, we are this, this divine being, we are this universal consciousness that is on this planet for the experiences, and we are so very capable and powerful to to heal from any incident that may come our way. And all we have to do is, presently, when we can't do anything else, we witness. We try to do non-reactionary observation. And if we connect to the bird on the higher branch, then that is what our life is going to be. And we will find we are much more resilient than we think. So the choice is with us. Which bird defines you?

That's a great way to describe it. I think a lot of our listeners can also relate to metaphors and visualizing which bird they want to choose to be. So I think it definitely relies on our mindset and who we are as people. Many people also face so much success and continuous progress when they're able to make that choice for themselves and they're able to show resilience. And some may struggle a lot more when we encounter a lot of difficulties. How do we deal with setbacks or external pressures that help us, that hinder us from being resilient?

When it comes to our state of mind, If we can educate ourselves that we have the power, then we will always be on the driver's seat. I was reading somewhere that truth is not what you want it to be. Truth is what it is. You must bend to its will, or you must be comfortable in living a lie. If we have told ourselves this lie that our happiness depends upon external factors, then definitely we will bend to this lie, and we will always live our life based on external parameters. And the trouble with that is those external parameters are always changing. The goalpost is always moving. But if we understand the truth that our mental well-being, our health, our peace— there is only one person responsible for it, and that is us— then no matter what happens around us, we will be in control and we can make ourselves happy. Now, why I am saying truth is because we did a research in 2020 with 10,000 participants, and this was at the height of COVID So external parameters for everybody were quite abysmal. People were stuck in their homes, people were sad, people were with their families that they had to tolerate without any escape. People did not know what was going to happen. There was a collective consciousness of fear. And at that time, we did a research where we gave people meditative protocols, yoga protocols to practice. And over a period of 6 months, we saw that the quality of life of the participants increased by almost 80%, even though the external parameters were still the same. There was a lockdown. Even though the media was in a constant state of panic, even though they were still stuck in their homes with their families, nothing had changed. But because they were working upon themselves, their quality of life increased. And then this makes us understand that what we are told, it's a lie, that there are external factors that lead to our peace, that if we wear certain things, we will get joy, or if we please certain people, we will get joy, or if we get certain likes on Facebook, we will get joy. If that was the truth, then through social media, people would be becoming happier and happier. But that is not the case. People are becoming sadder and sadder because what they have associated their joy with it is not bringing joy to their lives. It is like having a beautiful image of food and eating that image every single day. It will taste horrible, it will have zero nutrients, and it will make you sick, but you have a pretty picture. And that is the case with so many things that we relate, we equate our happiness with. We think that, oh, external parameters— if, if somebody online has said something to me, I am sad, and if somebody says something to me, I am happy. Again, it is just a pretty picture. There is no nutrition involved. There is no psychological connection involved. There is no comfort involved. And even though people get a lot of it, we realize that it does not correlate to mental health.

It makes me think about so many of the youth today that I've met, and so many of the youth that help lead such strong movements around the world to support one another. However, many of them struggle with implementing all of these positive traits in their own lives. So How do you think students and youth can practice this in their daily lives, like in school or in social settings, or as you mentioned before, even in their own families?

Meditate. Spend time in silence and observation and contemplation. So a simple exercise can be Find a corner, close your eyes, observe your thoughts as you become aware of your body and breath. Slowly, as you become aware of the body and breath, try to deepen your breath more and more. As the breath becomes slow and and deep. Become aware how your body and muscles start to relax. Then consciously try triggering relaxation in every single part of your body, all this while observing your thoughts in a non-judgmental manner. Non-judgmental means not getting happy or excited when a good thought comes, or not getting sad and depressed when a bad thought comes. Just awareness. Witness. Witness. And what this is doing is it is training my brain, allowing me to observe incidences as they come. This can be preliminary. Advance can be visualization. Visualize yourself overcoming hardship. Visualize yourself strong in the face of adversity. This visualization as a tool in meditation is now even accepted by sportsmen and scientists around the world. If you look at Olympic-level athletes, divers, they are told by their coaches to visualize how they are going to perform during time of competition. It is seen, we have data where the athletes who do this visualization process have an advantage over their peers who do not. So if athletes can benefit from it, why can't we? And I would recommend this to all the youth that are listening: if you can, whenever you have that time, visualize yourself as strong. Visualize yourself as overcoming obstacles. Visualize yourself as somebody who is extremely capable. And slowly what is going to happen is your real self will start to integrate with your imagined self. You have to have a mental image before you make a portrait. If you do not have a mental image, then all the strokes on the canvas are random. If we decide how our phone's wallpaper and font is going to be, why can't we decide how our life script is going to be? and it begins with visualizing ourself as we want to see us.

I think a lot of our youth also look up to you and the way that you're able to share your own experiences. For our listeners, do you think you could share an example of a time that you've used meditation to help you overcome any challenges or adversity?

I hurt my back. And I hurt my back severely in an accident, and that made me paraplegic. I could not walk, I could not feel my legs. I was localized to a small place in the monastery where I was living, and In South Asia, you are valued by the accomplishments that you have. And when I hurt myself and I couldn't move, then my self-worth was highly affected by it because I was not being a productive member of the society in which I was living. I could not do anything for my parents. I could not do anything for myself. I couldn't even wipe my own ass. So it, it brings a form of sadness that is very difficult to explain. That tough time of darkness would have prevailed if I did not have meditation as a tool. I used meditation as a compass to help me navigate myself out of that hole I found myself in. And when slowly I, I was able to come out through continuous practice of not just meditation— I, I use breathwork as well I used very advanced practices of sadhana, very advanced practices of pranayam and yoga, and that gave me motivation enough to then walk on the rehabilitative journey. Because just positive thought is useless if it's not supplemented by positive action. If it's not supplemented by positive action, then it's kya liye pulao. Charipulao is a slang in India that is used for somebody who just imagines and doesn't do. So my positive thought was followed by positive action that led to rehabilitation. And yes, the journey was tough. It took me almost a year to, uh, to have some form of normalcy in my life, but it would have been quite impossible to do if I did not have the tools that I did have. And the most important thing is, what I learned from my experience, that you do generally what you have to do. But the question is, why not do it happily? We are very good people. Everyone, we get up in the morning, we do our jobs, we have our families. Even if we don't like them, we still have them, and we, we do what bare minimum that we are expected to do from everything that the world expects from us. And the monk is just a person who says, hey, when I'm doing what everyone is doing, but I would rather do it happy. I would rather do it when I am in a place of peace, I am in a place of Zen. So the monk will also cut the wood, the monk will also draw the water from the river, but rather than being in a state of mind that is making him complain, he is in a state of mind where he is extremely grateful and compassionate. So I think that is what meditation does, and that is how it helped me that I did go through the rehabilitation journey, which probably I may would have had to go nonetheless, of if I meditated or did not. But I am definitely sure that the whole experience of rehabilitation would have been extremely traumatic if I did not have meditation as a tool, and it would have been a longer time frame than what it was if I did not have a meditation tool. And now I look back at it and it's so inspiring because I had myself as a friend. And as we started the podcast series, what is meditation? It's, it's the art of befriending yourself. So I always have a friend with me, and that friend is within me. And that friend is me.

Thank you for sharing your own experience, Ashanti. I think a lot of our youth can relate to that in attempting to look for a friend outside before looking for a friend within themselves. And on a closing note, I'd like to ask, what advice would you give to youth that have a difficult time being kind to themselves and also just finding the friend within themselves?

Be Indiana Jones. Yes, when he is going on his quest to find a treasure, there are booby traps. The journey is hard, but he doesn't give up. He perseveres even though a big rock will be rolling behind. I, I don't know if Indiana Jones is a relevant example. It's an old ancient example, uh, or whatever the, the current adventurer is. Whenever we think of a hero, whenever we think of an adventurer, we always think of the journey, the journey that needs to be taken to find that treasure. And that journey is always perilous. And if it was easy, then everybody would have had the treasure. So if the thought has come within us that, oh, we have to go deep down inside and we have to achieve that state where we are at ease with ourselves and we are friends with ourselves, and that is the treasure that you are seeking, and then of course you your mind, your subconscious is filled with booby traps. And I'm sure it will spring one insecurity after another, just like it happened with Indiana Jones. You know, he steps on a stone and shooom, poison-tipped arrows come flying, but he dodges all of them and somehow reaches his goal. So my request would be Persevere. And how we can persevere? The easiest way is one day at a time, one step at a time. You don't need to have enough power to finish the whole journey. All you need is the power to make a step today. And if you can just muster up enough power to take one step, one step, then believe you me, you will start a beautiful journey.

Thank you for listening to the Your Journey podcast. Make sure to follow us on social media to keep up with the latest episodes with the @your_journey_podcast. We hope to join you again on the next episode of your journey.