In this talk, Ishan Shivanand recounts a story from the Ramayana about the demoness Sruknaka (also called Sootnaka) who, after being injured by Lakshman, refuses to ask her brother for healing and instead demands punishment for Lord Ram and Lakshman, portraying herself as a victim. Shivanand uses this ancient example to illustrate a universal human tendency to adopt a victim mindset and focus on retribution rather than reward. He argues that this fixation on punishment drains emotional energy and time that could be spent rewarding loved ones—especially family. He provides everyday scenarios, such as losing temper while driving with family or being upset by negative news, to show how the reward‑punishment mindset manifests in daily life. The core message urges listeners to consciously choose reward—devoting time, attention, and positive energy to family and self—rather than being consumed by thoughts of justice or vengeance, which can lead to personal and relational loss.
Chapters
In India, there was this story that my father used to tell me. Even your father must have told you. It was the story of Ramayana, Lord Ram. And in that, it is so very interesting if you go back to the first chapter. Before, you know, the Ramayana is starting and Ramji and Lakshmanji and Sita are in Vanavastu. This woman comes, Sruknaka, and she, you know, tries her luck on Lord Ram. Lord Ram refuses, and then she attacks Ma Sita, and when she attacks, Lakshman cuts her nose. Then Sruknaka goes back to her house to her brother who's so very strong, a brother who who has all the healing powers in the world, a brother which can heal his own head that has been cut, a brother that can heal his own decapitation. And Sopnaga doesn't say to her brother, heal my nose. She says to her brother, I am a victim, I have been harmed, And what I want you to do is— nowhere she says heal me. What I want you to do is punish Ram, punish Lakshmi. And this is so very interesting. Every villain becomes a hero of their own story. When Sootnaga must have given her version of events to Ravan, then she must have shown herself as the villain and she must have, you know, played the victim card where she must have shown Lord Ram and Lord Lakshman as the villain and herself as the victim. And what she hoped was, what she wanted was, that somehow those two must be punished. So much so that when the whole events of Ramayana happened, when Ravan was losing everything and the whole Empire of Lanka was being lost. I can't just imagine what would be going on in Sootnaka's head. Had she made her victim card in her head so very strong? Was she thinking so much of herself as a victim that she allowed the destruction of her brother's empire? Or maybe once she must have thought that maybe, maybe I I put an end to it here, and I start thinking upon reward rather than punishment. And that is where, you see, empires are lost. That is where families are lost. When we don't think about the cost involved. You will right now say to me that if God comes, I will rather choose reward. But the truth is, this happens to you every day. You must be going in a car and your family must be sitting there, and you have one thing to reward them with, that is your time. But at that time when you are with your family, suddenly something happens. You are driving, somebody next to you says to you some bad thing, and you lose your cool. You lose your temper, you lose your happiness, and you start thinking about that person. Now you see, this is the reward-punishment movement. That in this moment again, if you really loved your family more, you would have utilized that time to reward your family with yourself. But right now you are thinking of punishing that XYZ person. In your head, only that thing is going on, and you are thinking, I should have said this, I would have said this, why is there no justice? Another reward-punishment moment can be, you get up in the morning, you can reward your body, you can exercise, you can be a good person, but then suddenly you read the news, you become depressed and you start praying to God that all these people that are doing so many bad things, Let the thunder and the lightning fall upon them. And the same time, an energy that could have been utilized is now lost on the punishment aspect of life.
